Talking about drugs and alcohol
A guide for kinship carers
www.mentoruk.org.uk
Are you a kinship carer?
Are you worried about the child you are looking after using
drugs or alcohol now or in the future?
Then this information is for you. It has been written with kinship
carers for other kinship carers. It will give you some ideas and
information based on the experiences of people like you.
The first thing to remember is that you can make a big
difference. The love you have for the children you care for can
make a crucial difference to their lives. Giving them the time and
space to talk with you about their worries is the first step to
keeping them safe.
Second, it is important to realise that you are not alone. Most
parents and carers worry about their children using drugs or
alcohol and how to talk to them about staying safe.
There are thousands of other kinship carers in the same position
as you, who may have struggled to cope with their children
misusing drugs and alcohol and who are now afraid of what will
happen in the future.
Information in this leaflet was first compiled by Mentor working with Adfam and
Grandparents Plus, with funding from the Department of Health, as part of the Mind
the Gap project.
Our experience shows that kinship carers play a vital role in
keeping children safe from drugs and alcohol, and you
shouldn’t underestimate your influence, or how long it lasts. Your
attitudes and behaviour help shape their views on drink and
drugs.
You offer the first line of defence and can have a strong, positive
effect by starting the conversation early, and continuing to talk
about these issues as the children go through their teenage
years.
Starting early
Many adults worry that talking about drugs or alcohol can make
them more attractive to children. But not being clear what your
family values are can mean that those messages come from
other more ambiguous sources—the media or other children and
young people.
Remember you don’t need to be an expert.
Keep on talking
What you say does make a difference, but we know that the
number of conversations you have can make a difference. A
recent survey for the Department of Health showed that 75% of
parents say they’ve had a conversation about drugs, but on 36%
of teenagers recall talking about them.
You can use stories in the media or from TV programmes as a
way to start conversations.
How will I know my child is at risk?
Many kinship carers worry they will miss the signs that their child
is in trouble. If things just don’t feel right and you are worried,
talk with them. Trust your instincts and the fact that you are likely
to know them better than anyone. Mood swings, anger and
periods when they are withdrawn can be signs that young
people are struggling, but they are not automatically proof that
young people are using drugs or alcohol. However, if you are
worried about their behaviour and you are also finding any of the
items listed in the box below, it is possible that drug and alcohol
misuse is an issue for them.
How to talk with your grandchildren about drugs
Objects to look out for:
Spoons discoloured from heating, tin foil, pill boxes, tiny bits of
cling film, sugar lumps, syringes or needles, cigarette papers,
lighters, cigarette ends made of card, butane gas canisters,
shredded cigarettes, pipes, small stickers or transfers, small
bottles
We know it is not always easy to talk with or listen to children
who may express themselves in a confused or angry way. Here
are a few things to remember:
 Reassure them If your child has a drug or alcohol problem or
is at risk, it is vital that you reassure them that you’ll be there
for them and that you won’t reject them.

Talk with them when you are calm It is important to
recognise that your own fears and anger can stop you
really hearing what your child is saying. When you are
feeling angry or upset, it’s OK to take time to get support
for yourself, but try to talk to your child when you are
feeling calm and can give them the space to be heard and
understood.

Get information Find someone who can provide you with
accurate information about drugs and alcohol – preferably
an agency with specialist knowledge (see below for a list of
agencies that can help).

Get support for yourself Bringing up children can be a
challenge at the best of times. If you are worried about
them using drugs or alcohol you are likely to be under a lot
of pressure. You are not alone and you don’t have to do
this on your own. There is no shame attached to seeking
help to protect children and you are not to blame for their
behaviour. Find someone you can talk to and trust,
someone with whom you can share your fears and
concerns.

Don’t make assumptions If children’s parents have had a
drug or alcohol problem, this does not mean they will
automatically develop problems themselves. The fact that
they have your love and support can make a real
difference.
Information
There are lots of information leaflets on what drugs are, what
they do and how they can affect children.
One good place to start might be Talk to Frank
www.talktofrank.com telephone 0800 77 66 00.
DrugScope also has a lot of advice and useful links
www.drugscope.org.uk.
Support
Finding someone who understands both the rewards and
challenges of raising grandchildren can be hard enough. Finding
support when you are worried about drug or alcohol misuse can
seem impossible, but there are agencies that can help. The
following national organisations can help and put you in touch
with groups and services in your area.
Adfam Supporting family members and others affected by
someone else’s drug of alcohol misuse
25 Corsham Street
Email [email protected]
London N1 6DR
Tel 020 7553 7640
www.adfam.org.uk
Grandparents Plus Raising the profile of grandparents and the
extended family as providers of essential care, especially to
vulnerable children
18 Victoria Park Square
Bethnal Green
London E2 9PF
Email [email protected]
Tel 020 8981 8001
www.grandparentsplus.org.uk
Family Rights Group Providing advice and support for families
whose children are involved with social services
Second Floor
The Print House
18 Ashwin Street
London E8 3DL
Email [email protected]
Advice Line 0808 801 0366
(Mon - Fri 9.30am-3.00pm)
www.frg.org.uk
Helping to understand the needs of kinship carers
Mentor’s web-based resources around kinship care
Talking to your children about alcohol and drugs a leaflet for kinship carers
Family Group Checklist for volunteers & staff working with kinship carers
Service Assessment Tool for agencies providing services to kinship carers
Staff Training Pack & Training Scenarios suitable for those little or no experience of training/
facilitation
Literature Review of Kinship Care
Download at www.mentoruk.org.uk/kinship-care-resources
About Mentor
Mentor is the UK’s leading charity
dedicated to protecting children
from alcohol and drug harms. We
have worked with grandparents
and kinship care families since
2004 and are the Scottish
Government’s strategic partner in
kinship care.
Our definitive guide for Scottish
kinship carers on responsibilities,
legal and financial rights and
support is available from our
website along with other
resources and details of our
current projects.
www.mentoruk.org.uk
Registered charity 1112339 SC041210 company 5609241
(England & Wales)
LONDON
1st Floor, 67—69 Cowcross Street
London EC1M 6PU
t: 020 7553 9920
e: [email protected]
@mentortweets
EDINBURGH
235 Corstorphine Road
Edinburgh EH12 7AR
t: 0131 334 8512
e: [email protected]
@mentorscotland