Confidence at Work
Yea, though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
PS. 23:4
Introductions
Name
& Role
Something
I’m good at
Barriers to
my being
confident
Learning
Hopes
and Aims
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
h
Whether you
believe you can
or whether you
believe you
can’t, you are
probably right.
Henry Ford
Interviewer to Chris de Burgh …
“and to what do you owe your overnight
success?”
Chris de Burgh
to interviewer …
“30 years of
long, hard work”
“If you don’t know where you are going
you are almost certainly bound to
end up somewhere else.”
Mark Twain
Clarify what you want
from work and life
“All the world’s a
stage,
And all the men and
women merely
players:
They have their exits
and their entrances:
And one man in his
time plays many
parts.”
William Shakespeare
MY ROLES
MOTHER
“WIFE”
VOLUNTEER
EMPLOYEE
TRUSTEE
DAUGHTER
FRIEND
MANAGER
TRAINER
SISTER
COACH
AUNTIE
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and
women merely players:
They have their exits and
their entrances:
And one man in his time
plays many parts.”
William Shakespeare
Consider the roles YOU play
on the world’s stage.
Decide what’s important to you
Set some goals:
•S
•M
•A
•R
•T
Goals should be :
•Specific
•Measurable
•Achievable
•Relevant
•Timebound
Would the really smart goal please stand up
•Spend more time with the kids
•Read the kids a bedtime story every night
•Make the kids a priority everyday
•Place more importance on the kids
Roles
Values
PERSONAL
VISION
Goals
. . . Aaaahhhhhh!
This next song’s about our
desperate struggle to please
and chronic craving for approval.
I really, really hope you like it
Where does it come from?
Dr Morris Rosenberg
Self-esteem is a positive or
negative orientation toward
oneself;
an overall evaluation of one's
worth or value
Self Esteem
Childhood development
Positive or negative reinforcement of
messages
Founded in reality
Self worth not egotism
Susan Harter
5 Domains of Self Esteem
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Scholastic competence
Athletic competence
Physical appearance
Peer acceptance
Behavioural conduct
This next song’s about our
desperate struggle to please
and chronic craving for approval.
I really, really hope you like it
As well as “chronic craving for
approval”, what are the signs
of low self esteem?
Building our Self Esteem
Small groups work
Considering where it comes
from and how it manifests,
make a list of the things we can
do to develop our self esteem?
MY ROLES
MOTHER
“WIFE”
VOLUNTEER
EMPLOYEE
TRUSTEE
DAUGHTER
FRIEND
MANAGER
TRAINER
SISTER
COACH
AUNTIE
MY ROLES
MOTHER
“WIFE”
VOLUNTEER
EMPLOYEE
TRUSTEE
DAUGHTER
FRIEND
MANAGER
TRAINER
SISTER
COACH
AUNTIE
My Inner Critic
MY ROLES
MOTHER
“WIFE”
VOLUNTEER
EMPLOYEE
TRUSTEE
DAUGHTER
FRIEND
MANAGER
TRAINER
SISTER
COACH
AUNTIE
My Inner Coach
Accentuate the Positive
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I’m no good at this
I’ll never be able to do that
I feel bad about what I did/said
I missed an opportunity again
Oh no it’s ….
I must, I have to, I should ….
From Inner Critic to Inner Coach
Step 1:Figure out what you want to accomplish
Step 2: Set yourself up to meet your goal
Step 3: Remove obstacles and problem solve
Step 4: Reward your success.
Dr. Irina Kerzhnerman
LUNCH
Feedback in Negative
• Factors in negative feedback
What’s present, what happens,
what’s said, how is it said etc
• Impact on Individual
Overt and covert
The JoHari Window
Known to self
Known to
others
Not known to self
ARENA
BLIND SPOT
FACADE
UNKNOWN
Not known
to others
What can we do to make
feedback a more positive
and useful experience?
3 factors affecting
your image
Predicament
Preconception
Pretence
3 areas where you can
portray a positive image
Verbal cues
Non Verbal cues and behaviour
Demonstrative actions
If you always do what
you’ve always done,
You will always get what
you always got
Thank you for choosing DSC for your training.
We will e-mail and Evaluation Form and
Welcome your feedback and comments
Any further questions, support needs, training or
coaching needs, please call or e-mail me:
Cathy Shimmin,
Senior Training Manager & Performance Coach
[email protected] 07967 027304
Confidence at Work
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
PS. 23:4
Handouts Pack
© Directory of Social Change
Developing Our Self Esteem
Self-esteem is a positive or negative orientation toward oneself; an overall evaluation
of one's worth or value. People are motivated to have high self-esteem, and having it
indicates positive self-regard, not egotism.
Dr Morris Rosenberg
According to Susan Harter self-esteem (the global evaluative dimension of the self) is
divided into five domains. These are:
• Scholastic competence
• Athletic competence
• Physical appearance
• Peer acceptance
• Behavioural conduct
Building and Maintaining Self Esteem
 Take the positives – mix with positive people, affirm your good qualities, use
positive language and positive self talk – remember mental mirrors
 Praise and Reward – in order to keep it you’ve got to give it away. Give and
take praise genuinely and graciously. Take your rewards for your efforts
 Assertiveness – assert your own values in words and actions. You have rights
and so do others. Respect both.
 Acceptance – accept that there will always be things about ourselves we are
less fond of. Accept that other people are different from us and we cannot
change their behaviour. Accept the past – even honour the past – but don’t
live in it. Sometimes it’s time to move on
 Realism – No one is perfect. Different people act different ways in different
situations (on different days!). Hold on to your dreams but live in the real
world – it will help you realise your dreams.
 Risks and challenges – seek out new people, with new ideas. Try a new
behaviour. Take on a new hobby or project. What’s the worst that can happen
Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream of things that never were
and ask, why not? G.B. Shaw
Portraying Confidence
 Use positive body language – do you communicate the right message
through your handshake, greeting, posture, sitting position, eye contact,
physical contact. Practice these. As you become more familiar with it you will
act and feel more confident
 Use positive verbal language – I can, I will, I am, I do. And speak up - why
speak and not be heard?
 Be self aware and override self consciousness
 Laugh (appropriately!)– at life, at situations, in conversation, at your mistakes
If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re probably right Henry Ford
Further Reading/Research
Dr Morris Rosenberg and Susan Harter – best source Web
Thomas Harris I’m Ok, You’re OK – available most bookshops
Mark Butcher – Achieve – available DSC Bookshop
© Directory of Social Change
Enhancing Your Inner Coach
From Dr. Irina Kerzhnerman, Inner Critic versus Inner Coach
Step 1: Figure out what you want to accomplish
This may seem self-explanatory but sometimes the reason we don’t notice our
success is because we don’t have clear goals. Saying, “I want to lose weight”
is a big task! Telling yourself, “I want to stick to the diet I choose for one
month” or “I want to lose 5 pounds” gives us a finish-line.
Step 2: Set yourself up to meet your goal
Think about what you would need to do to accomplish the task. Break the goal
up into smaller steps that lead you in the right direction. That way you know
when you’re on the right track. For example, want a new job? How about
updating your resume, registering with an online classified service,
researching the industry in your area, contacting prospective employers?
Along the way, you can see your progress and redirect yourself from going
off-track.
Step 3: Remove obstacles and problem solve
Pay attention to the things in your life that could stand in your way. Most of the
time, with some planning and problem-solving, an obstacle can be removed
or, at least, set aside for a while. You may have to ask others to help. A coach
isn’t much good without a team! Some things to look out for include making
excuses for why you can’t follow through, scheduling too many things for the
same time, and making decisions that bring you further from your goal.
Step 4: Reward your success.
Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back for progress made. Remember
you are aiming for progress, not perfection! The bigger the success, the
bigger the reward should be.
Simple Questions for Quieting Your Inner Critic
Am I taking an “all-or-nothing” point of view?
Am I demanding perfection instead of rewarding progress?
Am I exaggerating the challenges or making excuses for why I can’t possibly
succeed?
Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Is this interfering in my ability to make
sound decisions?
Is this line of thinking going to help me or discourage me?
If I wanted to be more positive, what would I say to myself?
© Directory of Social Change
Tips for handling feedback assertively
Feedback – sometimes outright criticism – may not always be true, but it may
have some truth for the person delivering it.
There are 2 ways in which our confidence can take a knock when it comes to
handling feedback.
1.
We feel guilty or anxious about the ‘accusation’ and
repeatedly seek forgiveness, try to make it up,
2.
We deny the ‘accusation’ through defensiveness and
counter-criticism encouraging hostile critics to level more
accusation – resulting in more bad feelings.
However, we are human and we will make errors. How then do we cope with
them? To put it simply, you cope with them verbally as if they are exactly that
– errors, no more and no less. We can learn to assertively accept those things
that are negative about ourselves, without feeling guilty and if we feel it will
make a difference, by taking action to improve.
When accepting criticism or feedback
• Listen with an open mind – try to see their view of the world/you – listen
to what is said not what is implied.
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Seek as much information as possible – if it is generalised, ask for
examples, specifics.
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Ask others for insight – do they have the same experience of you?
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Notice what you did and the impact that had on the situation or people
involved
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Try not to be defensive
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Don’t interrupt or justify
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Don’t respond with counter criticism – just starts arguments and point
scoring games
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If it is valid, acknowledge that it is true
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Try to appreciate it as a gift
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Accept the feedback and clarify as necessary
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Say thanks – it may have been as hard to give as it was to receive
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Remember that feedback is only one opinion
•
Act on the feedback if you believe it will make a difference
© Directory of Social Change
Through the Looking Glass
The JoHari Window
A Johari window is a cognitive psychological tool created by Joseph Luft and
Harry Ingham in 1955 in the United States, used to help people better
understand their interpersonal communication and relationships.
When performing the exercise, the subject is given a list of 55 adjectives and
picks five or six that they feel describe their own personality. Peers of the
subject are then given the same list, and each pick five or six adjectives that
describe the subject. These adjectives are then mapped onto a grid.
Charles Handy calls this concept the Johari House with four rooms. Room 1 is
the part of ourselves that we see and others see. Room 2 is the aspect that
others see but we are not aware of. Room 3 is the most mysterious room in
that the unconscious or subconscious bit of us is seen by neither ourselves
nor others. Room 4 is our private space, which we know but keep from others.
Quadrants
Adjectives that are selected by both the participant and his or her peers are
placed into the Arena quadrant. This quadrant represents traits of the
participant of which both they and their peers are aware.
Adjectives selected only by the participant, but not by any of their peers, are
placed into the Façade quadrant, representing information about the
participant of which their peers are unaware. It is then up to the participant
whether or not to disclose this information.
Adjectives that are not selected by the participant but only by their peers are
placed into the Blind Spot quadrant. These represent information of which
the participant is not aware, but others are, and they can decide whether and
how to inform the individual about these "blind spots".
Adjectives which were not selected by either the participant or their peers
remain in the Unknown quadrant, representing the participant's behaviors or
motives which were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be
because they do not apply, or because there is collective ignorance of the
existence of said trait.
© Directory of Social Change
Johari adjectives: A Johari Window consists of the following 55 adjectives
used as possible descriptions of the participant. In alphabetical order they are:
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Able
accepting
adaptable
bold
brave
calm
caring
cheerful
clever
complex
confident
dependable
dignified
energetic
extroverted
friendly
giving
happy
helpful
idealistic
independent
ingenious
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intelligent
introverted
kind
knowledgeable
logical
loving
mature
modest
nervous
observant
organized
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patient
powerful
proud
quiet
reflective
relaxed
religious
responsive
searching
self-assertive
self-conscious
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sensible
sentimental
shy
silly
spontaneous
sympathetic
tense
trustworthy
warm
wise
witty
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cowardly
simple
withdrawn
cynical
cruel
boastful
weak
unethical
rash
callous
humourless
Nohari variant
A Nohari window is the inversion of the Johari window, and is a collection of
negative personality traits instead of positive.[1]
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incompetent
violent
insecure
hostile
needy
ignorant
blasé
embarrassed
insensitive
dispassionate
inattentive
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intolerant
aloof
irresponsible
selfish
unimaginative
irrational
imperceptive
loud
self-satisfied
overdramatic
unreliable
© Directory of Social Change
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inflexible
glum
vulgar
unhappy
inane
distant
chaotic
vacuous
passive
dull
cold
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timid
stupid
lethargic
unhelpful
brash
childish
impatient
panicky
smug
predictable
foolish
Creating a good impression
There is often incongruence between our own desired professional image and the
image of us that others perceive.
As Harvard Business School professor Laura Morgan Roberts sees it, if you aren't
managing your own professional image, others are.
"People are constantly observing your behaviour and forming theories about your
competence, character, and commitment, which are rapidly disseminated throughout
your workplace," she says. "It is only wise to add your voice in framing others'
theories about who you are and what you can accomplish."
People manage impressions through their non-verbal behaviour (appearance,
demeanour), verbal cues (vocal pitch, tone, and rate of speech, grammar and diction,
disclosures), and demonstrative acts (citizenship, job performance).
When you present yourself in a manner that is both true to self and valued and
believed by others, positive impressions can yield a host of favourable outcomes for
you, your team, and your organisation. On the other hand, when you present yourself
in an inauthentic and non-credible manner, you are likely to undermine your health,
relationships, and performance.
In order to create a positive professional image, we must effectively accomplish two
tasks: build credibility and maintain authenticity.
Non Verbal Behaviour
• Confident
behaviours and
gestures
• Eye contact
• Body language
• Environment and
meetings set up
• Respond don’t
react
• Handshake
• Dress and
grooming –
appropriate to
context/culture
• Use ‘best’
communication
method – e-mail,
face to face, tel
• Act on valid
feedback.
Verbal Cues
Demonstrative Acts
• Language
• Talk up –
colleagues,
• Use of jargon
plans the
• Tone of voice
organisation
• Phrases – warm or
• Challenge
hostile triggers
appropriately
• Use positive
and assertively
language
• Ask questions
• Use ‘I’ or ‘we’
• Listen
effectively and
• Take action
appropriately
• Meet deadlines
• Avoid yes but – use
or negotiate
yes and
them or
• Talk with not at
communicate if
• Speak up/out
you’ll miss them
• Offer solutions
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Make requests
• Challenge
no complaints
• Use volume and
• Be punctual
projection
• Share
• Use pauses
knowledge
• Allow silences
• Offer feedback
• Own up to
mistakes
© Directory of Social Change
© Directory of Social Change