What is Resiliency?

Resiliency is the process of, capacity for, or outcome of
successful adaptation despite challenging or threatening
circumstances. (Masten et al, 1990)

Resiliency is the ability to bounce back successfully despite
exposure to severe risk. (Bonnie Benard, 1993)

Resiliency is the ability to overcome challenges of all kinds–
trauma, tragedy, personal crises, plain ‘ole’ life problems–
and bounce back stronger, wiser, and more personally
powerful. (Nan Henderson, Resiliency in Action, 2012)

Resiliency is the ability to spring back and adapt to life’s
challenges (Wayne Hammond, Resiliency Initiatives, 2013)
Start Smart, Stay Safe
http://startsmartstaysafe.ca/
Click the link below to see the
Start Smart Stay Safe Resiliency Video
http://youtu.be/UN4wxc8nMPk
What Do We Know?

Resiliency allows an individual to survive adversity and
trauma.

Resiliency can be built and strengthened.

Resiliency is a process, dynamic and changing over time
Why Does It Matter?

Family is best suited to foster resiliency

Every parent wants their child to grow up healthy and
strong

The world is full of challenge and adversity

The alternative is not attractive
The Alternatives

Alcohol and Drug use

Gang involvement

Depression and Isolation

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for adolescents
and young adults

Adolescents aged 15-19 have an annual suicide rate of 1 in
10,000
Suicide in Alberta
Age Group Population
1
2
Suicide
Attempted
(per 100,000)
Death by
Suicide
Thought
about it
10 – 14
217,391
2.31
5
2502
5,000*
15 – 19
241,935
12.41
30
1,5002
30,000*
20 - 24
256,250
16.01
42
2,1002
42,000*
Source: Alberta Medical Examiner’s Office, 2009
Source: Center for Suicide Prevention, 2011
Six Themes
1.
Relationship
2.
Boundaries
3.
Problem Solving
4.
Caring and Supportive Environment
5.
Expectations
6.
Sense of Altruism
Positive Relationships
Absent
Present

Isolated

Connected

Withdrawn from family and
community activities

Actively engaged in day to
day activities

Negative peer group

Positive peer group

Not engaged

Present
Positive Relationships

Make a conscious attempt to connect and keep making the
effort.

Create a climate of respect

Use group activities (play dates, sports, activities)
strategically – when it plays to their strength

Developing relationships is a skill….teach them what they
need to know to get along with others
Clear & Consistent Boundaries
Absent

Environment is
unpredictable

Anxiety levels are increased

Rules appear meaningless
and are haphazardly
enforced

No control over
environment

Strengthens an external
locus of control
Present

Environment is safe

Comfortable place to be and
they want to be there

Rules have meaning and are
enforced

Environment is predictable

Encourages the
development of an internal
locus of control
Clear & Consistent Boundaries

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Follow through

Ensure your behaviour demonstrates that the rules are
valued and prescribed consequences (preferably natural) are
the result of infractions

Encourage your child to think about choice and consequence
Life Skills
Absent


Child is me-focused and
cannot see other
perspectives
“Does not play well with
others”

Black and white thinking

Life is a series of win/lose
events
Present

Able to adopt another’s
perspective

Knows that problems can be
solved

Capable of choosing between
a set of actions based upon an
ability to predict outcome

Understands the connection
between choice and outcome
Attending to
Life Skills

Seek out opportunities to engage them in problem solving

Don’t assume they know how to problem solve or make
decisions

Don’t solve their problems or make their decisions for them,
do it with them

Engage them in evaluating outcomes as a result of decisions

Monitor their play with other children
Unconditional
Caring and Support
Absent

Power matters most

Parent knows best



Present

Everyone is welcomed, and
belongs as a part of the
greater whole
Little positive recognition

Alienated from
surroundings
Each person is integral to
the family

Home is a caring place
Invisible
Unconditional
Caring and Support

Ensure children know they are loved, unconditionally

Seek ways to connect with your children and their world

Let them know you love them

Ensure they know they matter
High Expectations
Absent
Present

Everyone is treated the
same

Expectations are high, and
achievable

Chores, if assigned are not
done or done poorly

Best matters, all the time

Best is different for every
student

Failure is an option

“Done”, and “Good
Enough” are acceptable
outcomes
Setting
High Expectations

Insist on their best effort

Let them know you won’t give up on them, then don’t

Treat children fairly, not the same

Help them measure progress against themselves, not others
Altruism
Absent

Talents and abilities are
largely ignored

Outcomes are less and less
important


Child does not develop a
sense of their fit and place in
the world
Predominant climate is one of
apathy and non-engagement
Present

Everyone has talents and
gifts and contributes to the
greater good

Work has meaning and
purpose

Chores and work are seen
and understood as
preparation for the real world

Child has a voice
Altruism

Look for opportunities to share control and give children
choice

Find ways to ensure your child’s voice is heard and a part of
the decision making in your home

Provide opportunities for service

Celebrate the completion of tasks and the achievement of
goals
Resiliency
When you:
Your children learn

Emphasize relationship

Engagement

Set clear & consistent boundaries

Behaviour has consequence

Teach life skills

Decision-making

Care unconditionally

I have value

Have high expectations

Everyone has potential

Provide meaningful participation

Engagement and service
Raising Resilient Kids
1.
Let some needs go unmet
2.
Let them experience appropriate risk
3.
Problem solve with them, not for them
4.
Ask how questions instead of why
questions
5.
Don’t provide answers, provide tools
Raising Resilient Kids
6.
Let them make mistakes, then help them
learn from them
7.
Help them manage their emotions
8.
Model Resiliency
9.
Avoid talking in catastrophic terms
10. Teach
them concrete skills
Resiliency
1.
Relationship

You matter
2.
Boundaries

You have a choice
3.
Life Skills

You are capable
4.
Caring & Support

You are loved
5.
High Expectations

You are believed in
6.
Altruism

Your contribution matters
You matter.
You have a choice.
You are capable.
You are loved.
You are believed in.
You have a contribution to make.