Merry Christmas to our friends
from Leslee and Allen Unruh
Here we are, five hundred twenty five thousand
six hundred minutes since the last Christmas
letter. How do you measure a year? You measure
it by not marking time, but by accomplishments
and moments. And what a year it has been.
Caia Rose, the 16th grandtreasure joined the
family. During the first prayer to keep her
healthy her sister sneezed into her mouth. It’s
God’s way to build her immune system. She’s
eating solids now: keys, pens, newspapers.
The baby gets 10 hours of sleep/day. At night:
nothing. Aria, her older sister’s favorite pastime
is jumping on my head. To wake me up in the
morning, Elijah slaps me in the face. With three
Caia Rose
kids age 8 months, 3 and 5, the oldest one called
Mimi and said, “Mimi, I’m calling you all by myself. Mommy said she’s had it.
That’s not very nice to say to your kids is it?” Why did you put sand in Eliyah’s
mouth? Because it was open. I’ve learned the best way to get your grandkid’s
attention is to sit on the couch and look comfortable.
Bryan and Amber’s family
Chace and Cassidy’s children
Six year old Pierce, after his first day of kindergarten said, “I hate kindergarten
and I’m not going back.” He’s getting straight A’s but his B’s are a little crooked.
A kid was asked, “What comes after Q,” and he said, “Cucumber.” His older
brother Reagan always asks for a doggie bag after eating in a restaurant because
he wants a dog. He now has one. He loves to eat furniture. Some dogs have
worms, he has termites. His nickname is “Egypt” because everywhere he goes he
leaves pyramids.
Some of the grandkids are getting
older because they have stopped
asking where they came from and
are telling you where they’re going.
One of the oldest is dating and of
course her father says to himself.
“You need that guy like a giraffe
needs strep throat.” I asked one of
the teenagers if he had any message
he’d like to give the kids of America
and he said, “No.” Among the
older grandtreasures are: Caleb 20,
Gabrielle 18, Megan 18, Sam 15 –
one is in college and two graduate
this year.
Chace and Cassidy
Let’s face it, there are a lot of
spoiled kids out there. Because you
Mark and Kia’s family
can’t spank grandma. Parents are
giving their kids a free hand but not
in the right spot. Four grandkids are in California: Jackson, Truman, Monroe
and Hayes. In California gun shops have back to school specials. A sign in a
California school says, “In case of earthquake or terrorist attack the ban on prayer
will be temporarily suspended.” So they are home schooled. They are avid
readers, musicians and athletes – they have culture and we’re not talking about
yogurt.
Now for a few words about Mrs. Universe. It’s rough growing old by myself. My
wife hasn’t had a birthday in 7 years. The other night she didn’t want to go out,
Nathan and Sara’s family – come
check out Lincoln and Alexa’s
basketball games this season!
but her hair looked so nice, she decided to. She was asked, “Is your husband a book
worm?” She said, “No, just an ordinary one.” Keeping a secret from my wife is like
trying to smuggle daylight past a rooster. I can’t stand to see her shoveling snow. I
have to pull down the shades. She said to me, “You loved beans on Monday, Tuesday
and Wednesday. Now all of a sudden you don’t like beans.” Our marriage is based
on compromise. When I admit I’m wrong, she forgives me. I know a couple with a
perfect marriage. She’s blind, he’s deaf.
Leslee had a great honor of going with a
South Dakota delegation to the Supreme
Court to deliver the Concurrent Resolution.
Leslee and Gabrielle in New York
Her 7 ½ hour deposition is finally done,
now we head to court next summer. This
is a marathon not a sprint. We are thankful for our six wins and the big one is next as
we are on our way to the Supreme Court! Go to www.alphacenterfriends.com to learn
more.
We’ve revamped our Love and Laugh
APP that can be found in your APP store.
Everyone wants to be loved and everyone
could use a laugh a day. We’ve launched
some encouraging memes on Instagram @
abstinence_clearinghouse. More details
can be found at www.LesleeUnruh.com.
Papa and Will at the 4th of July Parade
A few words about yours truly. Have you hugged your horse today? Every morning
our two horses say, “Feed me, feed me.” I asked if they wanted to get married and
they said, “Naaaaa!” I still remember when I started practice 45 years ago in Elkton,
Our horses
SD. If it wouldn’t have been for bowling we would not have any culture at all.
Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny? The best tunes are
played on the oldest fiddles. I told Leslee, “Men are like wine.” She put me in the cellar. I said, “I need some space.” She put
me outside. Did you see the movie about constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.
I just hope to live as old as my jokes. The only thing
I do by the light of the full moon is read. I can’t help
getting a kick out of life, even if it’s a kick in the teeth.
I eat what I like and let the food fight it out inside. I’m
on a new diet and there are only three things I can’t
put in my mouth. A knife, a fork and a spoon. I’ve
put on a lot of weight. I weighed 4 lbs. when I was
born. A sense of humor is something that makes you
laugh. It would make you mad if it happened to you.
I’ve been speaking a lot more on the subject, “What’s
Right about America.” I have a new book, “The
Leslee and Allen
Politically Incorrect Book Of Humor.” I’m starting a
blog and if you want to hear my Christmas monologue
go to my new website at www.allenunruh.com. Click on the comedy section and hear the radio
interview. I am an equal opportunity offender. My verse is Luke 6:26 “Woe unto you when all
men speak well of you.” It’s better to have an argument without settling it than to settle it without
an argument.
Allen
My perspective of the country. Congress has two chambers: Sodom and Gomorrah. In a
democracy the majority has a right to be wrong. Millions of laws have not replaced the 10
Commandments. Things are so crazy if Alice came to America she’d think she never left
Wonderland. I held a rally against apathy but it drew a small crowd. Even the cows are
losing jobs as milk prices plummet.
Charity begins in the home, not in the HOUSE. The Good Samaritan walked across the
street to help the beaten Pilgrim. He didn’t call a social welfare agency. If you don’t
preach to the choir now and then, they won’t
sing. Build your church to attract God,
not people. We want to see Christ back in
Christmas, but also we need Christ back in
Christians. Is your church a cruise ship or a
Nakia
battle ship? On a cruise ship everyone expects
to be waited on and entertained. On a battleship,
everyone is waiting to take orders, to do a specific job, and to work as a team.
Onward Christian soldiers. Envy gripes when others are blessed. Good friends are
God’s apology for some of the relatives He gave us.
We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy and Prosperous New Year.
Allen and Leslee Unruh
Cash and Primo