Theme 4
Often when we are walking the labyrinth here in Angers, a small red ladybird appears on
the circuit and seems to want to do the path with us. This tiny creature invariably causes a stir of
amazement and gives rise to strong feelings of tenderness in us. We want to nurture it. Everybody
wants to avoid walking on it and we are tempted to pick it up and stroke it. We continue letting it
be the lovely ladybird it is and allowing it go at its own pace. It somehow becomes our ‘nature –
companion” and keeps us reminded that the earth and nature are also on the journey seeking to
give expression to the tender heart of God. “The heart that desires to nurture all of life is a heart
of tenderness.” 1
We were intrigued to learn that in the Middle Ages the “ladybird”2 was known as “Our
Lady’s beetle” who in early religious paintings was often shown wearing a red cloak. Farmers
invoked her for help with their crops. Then ladybugs arrived and helped the farmers by eating
crop-eating bugs and thus saved farmers’ crops. In recognition of this the ladybug became known
as the ladybird. The seven spots of the ladybird were said to symbolise the seven joys and the
seven sorrows of Mary.
One of the most popular images of Our Lady, especially in the Eastern Church is that of Our
Lady of Vladimir which is also known as the Mother of Tenderness. In this icon, the Christ child is
seen nestling close to his mother and his gaze is focused on her. Mary is intimately connected
with her Son and at the same time is looking out at the people. 3 For many of us, St. John Eudes
statue of the Virgin Mother breast-feeding the child Jesus, is a favourite image of Mary’s
tenderness.
From all her intense reading of the Gospels, St. Mary Euphrasia had a deep conviction
concerning the tender mercy of Jesus the Good Shepherd towards each of us. She was on fire with
the loving tenderness of God, taking to heart the words of Paul: "The tenderness and love of God
our Saviour has dawned in our lives; he saved us not because of any righteous deeds we had done
but because of his mercy."(Titus 3:4-5).
St. Mary Euphrasia resembled Mary in her manner of relating to people. From the inner
ground of her being and her deep union with Christ in prayer, she reached out to others and
evoked feelings of tenderness in them. She used to say "We ought to be kind, extremely kind." 4
1
Redstone, Julie, Living a Sacred Life: Tenderness, www.lightomega.org
Ladybird: Ethmology
3
http:// campusudayton.edu accessed 30-01-2013
4
St. Mary Euphrasia Conferences, Chapter 39 “On Faults of Character and on Prudence” p.248 (1907) ; p.298 (1992)
2
“Be always gentle and considerate. When the girls are ill redouble your watchfulness and
tenderness."5
It is comforting to know that St. Mary Euphrasia had to work progressively on this aspect of
her relationships. She admits that when she was initially working with a group of girls, she adopted
a rather severe approach. It was her confessor who pointed out to her that she needed to let go
of this severity. 6 Each of us can reflect on a similar journey from severity to tenderness.
What do we mean by tenderness?
The easiest way to discover this is to look into your own experience.
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Remember some encounter where you experienced "a moment of tenderness". Go back to
that situation. Who was with you? What were your feelings?
What are some situations that evoked tenderness in you? What were your feelings?
You might like to take an image of St. Mary Euphrasia & St. John Eudes. Remember some
stories of how they nurtured life through tenderness.
The dictionary says tenderness is sensitivity to emotions, to the feelings of others. It can
also be understood as “the relaxedness that comes from knowing that you are totally and
thoroughly loved"7. God has declared Godself unreservedly in our regard: "Can a mother forget
(reject) her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will
never forget (reject) you" (Is.49:15)
Can I accept God’s tenderness?
How can I celebrate this tenderness today?
“Although externally very severe and serious, St. John Eudes was very kind and caring.” 8
We know that he was known to be very tender with people who came to confession to him. It was
said of him that he was like a lion in the pulpit and a lamb in the confessional. He encouraged his
priests to be extremely tender in the confessional. 9 For two and a half months, indifferent to
danger, he lived in a barrel in the middle of the fields, so as not to spread the infection from the
plague victims for whom he was caring.10 And in his treatment of the plague victims who came to
him, he was said to show great tenderness.11
A guiding principle of St. Mary Euphrasia's life was her great tenderness and love for the
wounded girls and women who came to the houses of Good Shepherd. She advised the sisters to
5
St. Mary Euphrasia Conferences, Chapter 43 “Advice Regarding Visits to the Sick.. p.269 (1907); p.322(1992)
Sr. Fernandez Concha, witness no 3 in the Process of Canonization, p. 384
7
Manning, Brennan, "The Wisdom of Tenderness" (San Francisco: Harper, 2002)
8
Howard, John, CJM Article on John Eudes in Conference Papers “Exploring Contemporary Influences from the French
School of Spirituality, August 18-24, 1995, Simpsonwood Conference and Retreat Centre, Norcross, GA
9
St. Jean Eudes Advice to Confessors Complete Works IV
10
Cf Milcent, Paul, St. John Eudes, (Glasgow: Burns, 1964), p.7
11
O’Reilly, Rev.J, C.J.M, Blessed Jean Eudes, pp 14-18
6
«make use in the first place, of kindness, and take care not to contradict a person in distress. If they
are determined not to do certain things, do not insist; if they speak rudely to you, be calm."12 In an
era when emphasis was placed on authoritarianism and punitive measures for those who did not
conform, Mary Euphrasia dared to love tenderly. She treated people with kindness and firmness.
"Do not treat them with rigour nor with a high hand... remember it is kindness that wins hearts.13"
Tenderness is blocked by hardness of heart and by rigidity. This hardness or rigidity often
stems from fear, immoderation and a false sense of God. These need to be counterbalanced by
discipline, courage and contemplation.
Tenderness involves discipline, even bodily discipline: discipline of the eyes and of the
heart. Tenderness involves courage, the courage to take small steps, to make small affective
gestures ( a smile, a word, a good wish, an expression of thanks, a greeting, a phrase...) There is
wisdom in these small gestures which constitute the web of our daily existence.
Tenderness is risky. Tenderness demands contemplation, that silence which brings us into
experiences of respect for God, for others, for nature, for things. Tenderness is nourished through
such contemplation. 14
Talk to God about ways in which we can increase a climate of tenderness and reduce
rigidity as we live and work together on this planet.
12
St. Mary Euphrasia Conferences, Chapter 43, “Advice Regarding Visits to the Sick.. p.269 (1907); p.322(1992)
St. Mary Euphrasia Conferences, Chapter 6, “The Good Shepherd”, p. 45 (1907); p. 60 (1992)
14
Cf Various Reflections of Cardinal Martini
13