Why do I need a second, third, and (maybe) a fourth draft?
Usually at this stage in the writing process you are tired and
tempted to hand in anything (good or bad) to your professor just
to be finished with the paper or assignment. Take a short break.
Rest. Do something you enjoy doing. Breathe. Do not give up.
The next step in your paper (after the break) is very important.
Even if you do not have much time left before your deadline, take
the time to edit your paper or assignment. Editing is often the
difference between an okay grade and a good grade, or even the difference between a good grade
and an excellent grade.
Ideally, you should edit three times:
1. once for meaning and organization (also called revision)
2. once for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and word errors
3. once for APA
Thus, you create a new draft (version) of your assignment each time you edit. If you have
planned ahead you can also ask a friend to help you or make an appointment with me.
I have created an editor’s checklist to give you an idea of what to look for at this stage. However,
at each stage of the editing process you should ask yourself, “Have I done what the professor
required?” If you are not sure how to answer this question, go to: How do I get started? and Why
do I have to explain this when my prof. already knows it?.
Editor’s Checklist:

Have I used concrete support for my ideas? (See:
the information included in this section)

Are the ideas logically connected? (See: the
information included in this section)

Do I have any spelling or word choice errors?

Have I carefully checked my sentence structure?

Am I using academic English? (See: What is
academic language and what isn’t?)

Have I checked the formatting and punctuation in my paper/assignment including
headings, a header, page numbers, quotes, paraphrases, reference list, all in APA format?
(See: APA Resources Section)
Created by Cosette Taylor, Communications Instructor for the Faculty of Nursing at the
University of Manitoba, [email protected]
Have I used concrete support for my ideas?
A written argument/discussion is essentially an idea/point, known as a claim that is supported by
a chain of reasons. Depending on the length and complexity of your assignment, you may make
one claim or several claims. Your objective at this point in the writing process is to check that
both your claims and your reasons are based on solid evidence, not false or weak reasoning, also
known as logical fallacies.
Logical fallacies are the fuzzy/unclear or dishonest speech or text that commonly occurs in
advertisements, political arguments, or newspaper editorials, for example. In other words, many
of the things we hear, on television or read in news papers are not appropriate in Western
academic writing and thus should be avoided.
Below is a list of common logical fallacies, with examples, and a correct alternative.
Either-or-thinking
This thinking reduces the issue to either one extreme or the other. Simply put, there is nothing inbetween.
e.g. Either we learn to answer multiple-choice questions or we will fail nursing.
Change to:
Students who study hard but continue to struggle with multiple-choice questions often require
additional support from their professor or a reading specialist if they wish to earn a good grade in
their courses.
Over/broad/sweeping generalizations
This fallacy goes by many names but is essentially the same problem: the writer tries to apply
one rule/statement to everyone/everything and thus he/she leaves no opportunity for exceptions.
Look to eliminate words and expressions such as: (all) people, (all) students, (all) teachers,
everyone knows that.., or as we know. Instead, use words like some, many, a great number of, the
majority of, for example.
e.g. Canadians spend too much time complaining about the health care system.
Change to:
Some Canadians openly complain about the deficits of the current health care system; however,
these Canadians may not be aware of many of the accomplishments and success stories of
Canadian health care professionals.
Appeals to pity
You have likely seen this appeal in action in the courtroom of popular lawyer dramas or in
movies. On paper, the writer who appeals to pity tries to make the reader feel sadly about the
situation of the person(s) the writer is discussing. However, writing to stir the reader’s emotions
is not a valid academic argument and should be avoided.
e.g. Imagine. The patient became upset and even violent when asked to take a bath and now the
hospital policy regulates that she be washed against her will! If anyone deserves a break it’s Mrs.
X.
Change to:
Created by Cosette Taylor, Communications Instructor for the Faculty of Nursing at the
University of Manitoba, [email protected]
The challenge of caring for Ms. X has been in her constant refusal to bathe. As hospital policy
regulates she is bathed at least once a week, the staff has been considering ways in which they
might gain her willing consent to bathe.
Half-truths
It is important to realize that you can get into difficulty when you present only part of the truth as
your argument. Much of academic writing is about representing weaknesses of the
opposite/alternative point of view as a way of making one’s own argument stronger. Thus,
failing to represent the opposite or alternative point of view is a half-truth fallacy.
e.g. The proposed tuition increase is wrong because it will cost us too much money to get our
nursing careers started.
Change to:
Although some students would argue that the proposed tuition increase could be used to create
more scholarships and better student services for nursing students, the initial cost of the proposed
increase would force students to work two summer jobs instead of one.
Slanted language
When you use words or phrases that are too strongly positive or too strongly negative, you are
most often using slanted language. Slanted language may include language that attacks the
reader if he/she has a particular (opposing) opinion, or language that reveals bias on the part of
the writer. The main problem is that these arguments are based on feeling and not on logical
reasoning.
e.g. Someone would have to be crazy to think that we could care for X number of patients at one
time.
Change to:
Providing care to X patients within the shift was challenging because of the complexity of
various clients’ health care needs. I responded to the challenge as follows…
Circular thinking/reasoning
The very point that the writer is trying to make becomes the reason for the point. Often nothing
new is communicated and the reader is left feeling both confused and unconvinced.
e.g. It is absolutely necessary to learn to take the patient’s vital signs during assessment. The
main reason is that to have a good assessment you need to take vital signs.
Change to:
Taking vital signs is a necessary part of the patient assessment. By measuring the temperature,
pulse, blood pressure, respiratory rate, and oxygen saturation of the patient, the nurse may
“…determine a client’s usual state of health (baseline data), as well as response to physical and
psychological stress and medical and nursing therapy” (“Vital Signs”, 2004).
Bandwagon thinking
This fallacy tries to appeal to the reader’s sense of belonging to a group/society/nation. This kind
of thinking is a fallacy because the writer implies that because “everyone is doing it”, that must
mean that “it” is right/correct/just. Bandwagon fallacies are weak because the writer does not
explore if “it” is even a good idea or not, but just assumes that (so) many people cannot be
wrong.
e.g. Everyone follows the January Diet. It’s the only way to go.
Created by Cosette Taylor, Communications Instructor for the Faculty of Nursing at the
University of Manitoba, [email protected]
Change to:
Despite the high calorie and high saturated fat content present in the January Diet, many people
wishing to lose weight continue to follow this regime because it is convenient.
Adapted from Buckley (2004).
Are the ideas logically connected?
You should also be checking to see if you have made logical connections
between your ideas/sentences. There are a number of words and phrases
that can help you to connect or link your sentences and paragraphs
together; these connections allow the reader to follow your discussion or
argument more easily, or create flow between ideas.
This skill is important because your professor often has a hundred or more
papers or assignments to read. You want your professor to follow your
argument easily, not give you a lower grade because he/she got confused.
This table can help you use the right word or phrase at the beginning of
your sentence that will connect the new idea with the previous idea(s) in the previous sentence(s).
Purpose
to put your ideas in order
chronologically
to compare things that are the
same
to contrast things that are different
to clarify or explain further
to add information
Word or phrase at the beginning of the sentence
First,
Second,
Third,
Next,
Later,
Lastly,
Presently,
The first most significant idea…
The first/primary factor is…
Likewise,
Similarly,
At the same time,
In the same way,
However,
In contrast,
In/by comparison,
Nevertheless,
On the contrary,
Unlike X,
Conversely,
For example,
For instance,
To illustrate
In other words,
That is,
Put another way,
Additionally,
In addition,
Moreover,
In fact,
Besides that,
Furthermore,
Created by Cosette Taylor, Communications Instructor for the Faculty of Nursing at the
University of Manitoba, [email protected]
to show cause-effect relationships
to conclude
As a result of X, Y happened
Due to X, Y occurred
As a consequence of X,
Therefore,
Thus,
The effect of X was Y.
These examples show…
In conclusion,
In summary,
To summarize,
Lastly,
Therefore,
Adapted from Osbima and Hogue (1999)
Created by Cosette Taylor, Communications Instructor for the Faculty of Nursing at the
University of Manitoba, [email protected]