Feeling So Bad
ory and conventional wisdom,'
Ms. Jack points out that it is
impossible to shed the need for
Women and Depression.
validation from others. Selves,
By Dana CrOWley Jack.
she writes, "do not exist i'n isola­
256 pp. Cambr'idge,Mass.:
Harvard University Press.
tion." And yet, she suggests,
$19.95.
women can become less de­
pressed if they learn to value
their true selves and challenge
By Deborah Tannen
the part of them that watches
and judges their behavior. This
I finished reading "Si.. sounds right, yet I wonder
lencing the Self" outside
whether the two can be distin­
a hotel in the Yosemite guished. The very idea of ··a
Valley, I looked up to see 'mind of one's own" is probably a
a bride in a trailing white gown
fiction: how can one know what
walking toward the peaks. If one wants, apart from what one
Dana Crowley Jack is right, this has learned to value through ob­
bride will find herself hemmed in serving and listening to others?
by moral imperatives as impos..
That depressed women should
iog as the towering rock walls on be concerned about losing them..
both sides of her. Drawn to mar­
.selves may say as much about
riage by the promise of. close.. contemporary America as about
ness, women have a choice: they the pathology of depression. In
can express themselves and risk 'tTalking American," the sociolo- .
losing the marriage or they can ­ gist Donal Carbaugh shows that :'
silence themselves and suffer the idea that individuals ought to :
isolation within 'it.
express their indiViduality is a 'I
Ms. Jack, the co-author with characteristically
American;
Rand Jack of "Moral Vision and
form of popular tyranny.
:
Professional Decisions: The
Many of the women Ms. Jack ~
Changing Values of Women and quotes were often .beaten by
Men Lawyers:' claims that this men. One woman worries about·":
dilemma is the' reason the rate of her 8-year-old daughter, who on '
depression." in women is' twice bearing her father's car in the
that in men., Ms. Jack is dissatis­
driveway starts "looking around ~
tied with the prevailing psychiat­
the house thinking 'Now' what .
ric theory. that blames women can' we do to make sure that ~l I
~or their pain: depressed women,
Daddy does not get set off? Is the .'\_
:he line goes, are too dependent room picked up, what are we '
•n relationships for their identity going to have for dinner tonight?
tnd self-esteem; they need· more -'Mommy, is dinner ready?'
utonomy, and self-reliance. This
' .~,;'\
;, she believes, a model devei­
After reading interviews with
such women, I found myself' '
ped for men that is imposed on thinking that there was no need '_'
~omen. .... ':. . . '
:
to resort to theories about the '.
Ms. Jack questions the impli­
loss of self to explain depression.
ltion that a yearning for close­
Wouldn't anyone who was 'being
~ss is a dependency. After in­
rviewil1g 12 white women from
beaten and felt powerless to fight
back or run away become 'de­
,ral communities, she conctud­
that women get depressed not pressed? And indeed, isn't it pos- _.
cause they have lost an inti­
sible that the specter of male
lte relationship but because
violence shadows every wom..
~y have lost themselves in a
an's responses to men, regard­
ationship. To preserve harmo- less ofwhether she has ever been
SILENCING THE SELF
A
.L
U
hit by a man?
_~.~~_ to help a~.~_p!-=~~.1~~!r.__..
. . _.._ . . __
• •
• f"
mates, they are .compliant and
'sec
agreeable, declining to say what
.'Silencing the Sel
ral ..
they think and feel - not be.. questions as fascinating as thE
cause they are weak but be~a~se answers it offers. If the inequal·
they are full of moral conViction ity of men and women in mar·
that harmony is worth t~e ~ffor~.
riage is the heart of the problem.
For some, this conviction IS
is there a difference in rates and
reinforced by religi?us a':lthor­
causes of depression am~nJ1
ity as one woman Interviewed
women in lesbian relationshtpS
bY' Ms. Jack discovered on .her
or.no relationshipS at all? What
ho~eymoon. When she d~chnedd about women and men in nonto do something her ~U~ba~.
Western societies where the no­
wanted, he uflipped ope,:, t "e, ~..., tion- of an individual se~f, se,p~;
hIe and said~Ult says 'right here
rate from others, is unthlnkab~e.
that a woman is to be submissive
What 1 found most compe~hng
to her husband. If you don't be­
was the women's own VOices.
lieve that. then you're not a .The conflicts and losses. d~~
Christian woman and you ~re not pressed women describe are dtf..
a good wife. I want you to s~t here ferent only in degree from th?S~
and read it while 1 go OU!!'
felt by women who are not ~hn.tRejectiftng both FreudIan the­
cally depressed. That is why this
:. ,'"
book is relevant to anyone grap­
Debo~ahTannen is a professo~
piing with the central cha~l~nge
of linguistics atGeorgetown~(Unl- of relationships: hoW to ac.hleve
versity and the author of You
connections to others wltho\lt
Just Don't Understan~;" ,::omen
0
losing oneself.
and Men in Conversation.
. . , ... \~. *" ~
,j
~ .. ~r~~ln)Z~'ii.~!1~j.t~t~i .J:~~i~1;iii..;t:d.:tJ:;~'~ittt! ...;~.,.~;
... _.-~--.---
-_.-_._----~---_.~
Tannen, Deborah. Review of Silencing the Self: Women and Depression by Dana
Crowley Jack (Harvard University Press). The New York Times Book Review
October 20, 1991, p. 20.