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15 Varying Your Sentences
CULTURE NOTE Edgar Allan Poe
Known as the father of modern mystery, Edgar Allan Poe entertained and disturbed
readers through both poetry and prose. In famous stories such as “The Fall of the
House of Usher” and “The Tell-Tale Heart” and poems such as “Annabelle Lee” and
“The Raven,” Poe includes elements of doppelganger (double), despair, and decay.
Because his influence is so great, a current NFL team—the Baltimore Ravens—is
named in his honor.
Horror in Edgar Allan Poe
Critically renowned, Edgar Allan Poe is
famous for including elements of the macabre in his work. How popular
are terrifying themes today? Pay attention to the subject matter of
popular movies, television programs, and top news stories over the next
few days. To what extent is horror or violence featured? Write a few
sentences about whether or not you think people enjoy horror.
OBSERVE YOUR WORLD
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Recognizing Your Writing Style
You may not realize it, but your writing has a style. Your style may be short,
direct, and to the point, or it may be flowery, descriptive, and wandering.
Whatever your style is, it’s yours alone. The style of writing is what makes
people like to read it. If the words flow together seamlessly, and if the words
and sentences are balanced between short and long ones, your writing will
be more interesting to read. For instance, which of the two short paragraphs below is more enjoyable to read?
Paragraph 1
Known as the father of modern mystery, Edgar Allan Poe entertains and disturbs readers through both poetry and prose. In famous
stories such as “The Fall of the House of Usher” and “The Tell-Tale
Heart” and poems such as “Annabelle Lee” and “The Raven,” Poe
includes elements of doppelganger (double), despair, and decay.
Because his influence is so great, a current NFL team, the Baltimore
Ravens, is named in his honor.
Paragraph 2
Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery. The mystery
is modern. Poe entertains readers through poetry and prose. Poe
disturbs readers through poetry and prose. Poe includes elements
in famous stories. Poe includes elements in famous poems. The stories are “The Fall of the House of Usher” and “The Tell-Tale Heart.”
The poems are “Annabelle Lee” and “The Raven.” The elements are
doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Poe’s influence is great.
A current team is named in his honor. The team is an NFL team. The
team is the Baltimore Ravens.
Paragraph 1 is more interesting. Even though both paragraphs use the
same words, paragraph 1 has greater sentence variety. Paragraph 1 also
connects ideas with conjunctions and dependent words.
This chapter explores techniques you can use to make your writing
more balanced and varied. Specifically, you can use three strategies to make
your sentences more interesting.
■ Adding an equally important idea (coordination)
■ Adding a less important idea (subordination)
■ Combining your sentences for brevity and variety
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Coordination: Adding an Equally Important Idea
Coordination is joining two complete, equally important ideas to form one
sentence. If the sentences in a paragraph are all short, they will sound the
same even if their content is different. For instance, the following sentences
are variations of sentences from a story by Edgar Allan Poe titled “The Cask
of Amontillado.”
Fortunato injured me.
He insulted me.
I tried to be patient.
I vowed revenge.
You probably have no trouble understanding these sentences. Each is a
simple, correct sentence that communicates a single idea. Many developing
writers actually try to write simple sentences to avoid making errors. While
this strategy makes sense, it can lead to boring writing. To make your writing
more interesting, you can add a second simple sentence to the first. By doing
so, you create a compound sentence, which joins two independent clauses.
Notes on Style
Although many styles of writing can be effective, choosing when to use certain
styles is important. Writing short, simple sentences works very well for children’s
stories, but it is not the most effective way to communicate in college writing.
Similarly, a writer who uses long, difficult sentences to communicate will probably be more effective in reaching an audience of educated adults than in reaching young children or people unfamiliar with his or her subject.
Consider the following revisions of the earlier sentences.
Fortunato injured me, but I tried to ignore his harm.
He insulted me, so I decided I would get even with him.
I tried to be patient, or at least I told myself I was patient.
I vowed revenge, and this vow made me happy.
Each of these sentences contains the original idea expressed in the first
simple sentence, but the writer has added another complete idea to each
sentence. The result is four sentences that are more interesting to read.
Remember that combining two complete ideas requires a comma and
a coordinating conjunction (one of the FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet,
so). For more on Coordinating Conjunctions, see Chapter 35.
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EXERCISE 1 C O O R D I N ATION: ADDING ANOTHER IDEA
TO A SIMPLE SENTENCE
Add a complete idea to each of the simple sentences below using a
Answers
comma and one of the FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so).
will vary.
Example:
Revision:
You should read some scary stories.
You should read some scary stories, or you can see
a horror movie.
______________________________________________
1. Studying can be interesting.
Studying can be interesting, but it can also be boring.
Revision: _____________________________________________________
2. I’m happy to be advancing to the next level.
I’m happy to be advancing to the next level, for I’ve worked
hard.
Revision: _____________________________________________________
3. Registering for classes can be frustrating.
Registering for classes can be frustrating, and it can take a long
time.
Revision: ______________________________________________________
4. Practice helps improve nearly any skill.
Practice helps improve nearly any skill, but talent plays a role in
success.
Revision: ______________________________________________________
5. Watching television can be educational.
Watching television can be educational, so I plan to watch often.
Revision: ______________________________________________________
EXERCISE 2 C O O R D I N ATION: COMBINING TWO
E Q U A L LY IMPORTANT IDEAS
Each item below contains two simple sentences. Combine the sentences
into a single sentence using a comma and a coordinating conjunction (for,
and, nor, but, or, yet, so). Answers will vary.
Example:
Edgar Allan Poe’s life was filled with sadness.
His stories reflect his dark outlook on life.
Combined:
Edgar Allan Poe’s life was filled with sadness, and
______________________________________________
his stories reflect his dark outlook on life.
______________________________________________
1. Poe’s father abandoned him when he was a baby.
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His mother died before he was three.
Poe’s father abandoned him when he was a baby, and his
Combined: ____________________________________________________
mother died before he was three.
______________________________________________________________
2. He was taken in as a foster child by a man named John Allan.
He quarreled later in life with Allan.
He was taken in as a foster child by a man named John Allan,
Combined: ____________________________________________________
but he quarreled later in life with Allan.
______________________________________________________________
3. Poe wanted to please his foster father.
Poe also attended different colleges, including West Point.
Poe wanted to please his foster father, so he attended different
Combined: ____________________________________________________
colleges, including West Point.
______________________________________________________________
4. Poe let himself be dismissed from West Point.
He realized he would never be reconciled with his foster father.
Poe let himself be dismissed from West Point, for he realized he
Combined: ____________________________________________________
would never be reconciled with his foster father.
______________________________________________________________
5. Poe went to live with his aunt.
He married his thirteen-year-old cousin.
Poe went to live with his aunt, and he married his thirteen-
Combined: ____________________________________________________
year-old cousin.
______________________________________________________________
Subordination: Adding
A Less Important Idea
Combining two equally important ideas is a good first step toward making
your writing more interesting. Another technique to vary your sentences
is subordination. Subordination is the process of joining two ideas, but
making one of them less important than the other. Specifically, subordination involves making one idea an independent clause and the other a
dependent clause (a group of words having a subject, verb, and a
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dependent word such as although, because, since, or until.) Though
dependent clauses have a subject and a verb, they do not make sense all by
themselves. Thus, they are less important than independent clauses in the
same sentence.
Common Dependent Words
after
although
because
before
even though
if
since
though
unless
until
when
while
Let’s now use subordination to vary the simple sentences from earlier
in the chapter.
Fortunato injured me until I could stand it no longer.
He insulted me although he did not know it.
I tried to be patient because I pride myself on my self-control.
I vowed revenge when he insulted me the last time.
In these sentences, the writer has added a dependent clause—a group
of words having a subject, verb, and dependent word—to give the sentences
variety. The writer could also have arranged the sentences like this:
Until I could stand it no longer, Fortunato injured me.
Although he did not know it, he insulted me.
Because I pride myself on my self-control, I tried to be patient.
When he insulted me the last time, I vowed revenge.
Here, the writer has placed the dependent clause before the independent
clause. Either way is correct, but remember to place a comma after the
dependent clause if you put it first.
EXERCISE 3 S U B O R D I N ATION: ADDING A LESS IMPORTANT IDEA
TO A SIMPLE SENTENCE
Add a dependent clause to each of the following sentences. Remember to Answers
put a comma after the dependent clause if it comes first in the sentence. will vary.
Example:
Revised:
Don’t plant poison ivy in your garden.
Unless you love rashes, don’t plant poison ivy in
your garden.
______________________________________________
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1. Do research before buying a car.
If you want the best deal, do research before buying a car.
Revised: ______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
2. Drive away quickly.
away quickly after you drop off the surprise.
Revised: Drive
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
3. The fireworks display was incredible.
The fireworks display was incredible until it started to rain.
Revised: ______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
4. Many television stars have had plastic surgery.
Because they want to look younger, many television starts have
Revised: ______________________________________________________
had plastic surgery.
______________________________________________________________
5. Cell phones make life easier.
they can be annoying, cell phones make life easier.
Revised: Although
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
EXERCISE 4 COMBINING TWO IDEAS USING SUBORDINAT I O N
Each item below contains two simple sentences. Add a dependent word
to one sentence to make it a dependent clause. Then, combine the sentences into a single sentence. Be sure to use a comma between the clauses
if you place the dependent clause first. Answers will vary.
Example:
Poe’s tale “The Pit and the Pendulum” terrifies
readers.
The narrator (the one telling the story) is eventually
rescued.
Revised:
Although
the narrator (the one telling the story) is
______________________________________________
eventually rescued, Poe’s tale “The Pit and the
Pendulum”
terrifies readers.
______________________________________________
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1. A prisoner wakes in unfamiliar surroundings.
He has been sentenced to death by his captors.
After he has been sentenced to death by his captors, a prisoner
Combined: ____________________________________________________
wakes
in unfamiliar surroundings.
______________________________________________________________
2. The room is completely dark.
The prisoner cannot see anything.
Because the room is completely dark, the prisoner cannot see
Combined: ____________________________________________________
anything.
______________________________________________________________
3. The prisoner seems clumsy and falls down a lot.
One fall saves him from tumbling into a foul-smelling, deep pit.
Although the prisoner seems clumsy and falls down a lot, one
Combined: ____________________________________________________
fall saves him from tumbling into a foul-smelling, deep pit.
______________________________________________________________
4. The prisoner finds himself in danger again.
He wakes to discover himself tied to a large wooden frame.
The prisoner finds himself in danger again when he wakes to
Combined: ____________________________________________________
discover himself tied to a large wooden frame.
______________________________________________________________
5. A sharp blade hanging above him swings back and forth, ever
lower.
The prisoner becomes even more terrified.
The prisoner becomes even more terrified as a sharp blade
Combined: ____________________________________________________
hanging above him swings back and forth, ever lower.
______________________________________________________________
Combining Sentences for Brevity and Variety
In addition to simply making short sentences longer, sentence combining
can alter the way your sentences flow together. Alternating your short sentences with longer ones or starting a longer sentence with a dependent
clause can make your writing more interesting. In addition, combining sentences can accomplish two goals. It can make your writing
■ Less repetitive
■ More varied
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Combining Sentences to
Avoid Repetition
Earlier in this chapter you read two versions of the same paragraph. The
less interesting version of the paragraph reads like this:
Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery. The mystery
is modern. Poe entertains readers through poetry and prose. Poe
disturbs readers through poetry and prose. Poe includes elements
in famous stories. Poe includes elements in famous poems. The stories are “The Fall of the House of Usher” and “The Tell-Tale Heart.”
The poems are “Annabelle Lee” and “The Raven.” The elements are
doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Poe’s influence is great.
A current team is named in his honor. The team is an NFL team. The
team is the Baltimore Ravens.
This paragraph takes thirteen sentences to say what another version of the
paragraph says in three. The paragraph uses so many sentences because it
is unnecessarily repetitive. Here are the first two sentences of the paragraph. Circle any words that are used in both sentences.
Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery. The mystery is
modern.
You should have circled is, the, and mystery. When you see a term like
mystery repeated in two consecutive sentences, you can often combine those
sentences into one. Combining the two sentences above results in this sentence:
Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of modern mystery.
With that one combination, you’ve omitted three words: is, the, and
mystery. If you can omit three out of four words from every few sentences,
your writing will be more compact.
Sometimes more than two sentences can be combined into a single sentence. Look at the following examples from the same paragraph.
Original:
Combined:
Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery.
The mystery is modern.
Poe entertains readers through poetry and prose.
Poe disturbs readers through poetry and prose.
Known as the father of modern mystery, Edgar Allan
Poe entertains and disturbs readers through both
poetry and prose.
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Omitted words: is, mystery, the, Poe, readers, through, poetry, and, prose.
Original:
Poe includes elements in famous stories.
Poe includes elements in famous poems.
The stories are “The Fall of the House of Usher” and
“The Tell-Tale Heart.”
The poems are “Annabelle Lee” and “The Raven.”
The elements are doppelganger (double), despair,
and decay.
Combined:
In famous stories such as “The Fall of the House of
Usher” and “The Tell-Tale Heart” and poems such as
“Annabelle Lee” and “The Raven,” Poe includes elements of doppelganger (double), despair, and decay.
Omitted words: Poe, includes, elements, in, famous, the, stories,
poems, are
Original:
Poe’s influence is great.
A current team is named in his honor.
The team is an NFL team.
The team is the Baltimore Ravens.
Combined:
Because his influence is so great, a current NFL
team—the Baltimore Ravens—is named in his honor.
Omitted words: team, is, the
In the sentence groups above, combining sentences allows the writer to
omit almost all the words from one of the sentences. Because the omitted
words appear in other sentences, the meaning of the sentence groups is not
affected at all.
EXERCISE 5 COMBINING SENTENCES TO AVOID REPETITION
Combine the sentences below to form single sentences. You may need to
add words or change some words to combine sentences logically.
Example:
One of Poe’s favorite themes deals with fear.
Combined:
The fear is of being buried alive.
One of Poe’s favorite themes deals with the fear of
being buried alive.
______________________________________________
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1. In one story, a man buries his twin sister alive.
The story is “The Fall of the House of Usher.”
In one story, “The Fall of the House of Usher,” a man buries his
Combined: ____________________________________________________
twin sister alive.
______________________________________________________________
2. The narrator hears unsettling sounds.
The sounds are made by the sister returning from the grave.
The narrator hears unsettling sounds made by the sister
Combined: ____________________________________________________
returning from the grave.
______________________________________________________________
3. In “The Cask of Amontillado,” a character named Montresor tricks
his enemy.
The enemy is tricked into following Montresor deep into a damp
wine cellar.
In “The Cask of Amontillado,” a character named Montresor
Combined: ____________________________________________________
tricks his enemy into following him deep into a damp wine cellar.
______________________________________________________________
4. Montresor gets full revenge.
The revenge is by building a brick wall to seal his enemy into the
cellar alive.
Montresor gets full revenge by building a brick wall to seal his
Combined: ____________________________________________________
enemy into the cellar alive.
______________________________________________________________
5. In “The Premature Burial,” a man’s fear of live burial ends.
The fear ends only when he thinks, mistakenly, that he has been
buried alive.
In “The Premature Burial,” a man’s fear of live burial ends only
Combined: ____________________________________________________
when he thinks, mistakenly, that he has been buried alive.
______________________________________________________________
Combining Sentences for Variety
In addition to purging your sentences of unnecessary words, combining
sentences can spice up your writing style. Which of the following two paragraphs is more interesting? Why?
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Review of “The Raven”
Unparalleled by any of his other works, Edgar Allan Poe’s poem
“The Raven” has a solid place in American literature. This extremely
popular work, which was incredibly well received by both the public and his contemporary literary critics, is perhaps the work most
widely associated with this well-known author. It has won nationwide, as well as trans-Atlantic, praise unceasingly since its first publication, and continues today to be praised and studied as a model
of originality and genius. No matter how well or poorly received any
of his earlier and later works were, and despite numerous parodies
and imitations, “The Raven” never failed to receive the respect and
recognition that Poe sought for his work.
“The Raven” Reviewed
Edgar Allan Poe’s poem “The Raven” has a solid place in American literature. The work is unparalleled by any of his other works.
The work is extremely popular. The work was incredibly well
received by the public. The work was incredibly well received by
Poe’s contemporary literary critics. The work is perhaps the work
most widely associated with this author. The author is well-known.
The poem won nationwide praise. The poem won trans-Atlantic
praise. The praise has been unceasing. The praise has been since its
first publication. The poem continues today to be praised. The poem
continues to be studied as a model. The model is of originality. The
model is also of genius. “The Raven” never failed to receive the
respect that Poe sought for his work, no matter how well or poorly
received any of his earlier works were. “The Raven” also never failed
to receive the recognition that Poe sought for his work, no matter
how well or poorly any of his later works were received.
The first paragraph, “Review of ‘The Raven,”’ is more interesting
because its sentences are more varied. The second paragraph is clear and
informative, but almost every sentence begins the same way—with a subject followed closely by a verb—and the writing is repetitive. Writing similar sentences is not incorrect, but it does not make for entertaining reading.
Look at another example of combining sentences.
Original:
The work is extremely popular.
The work was incredibly well received by the public.
The work was incredibly well received by Poe’s contemporary literary critics.
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Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences
Combined:
225
The work is perhaps the work most widely associated
with this author.
The author is well-known.
This extremely popular work, which was incredibly
well received by both the public and his contemporary
literary critics, is perhaps the work most widely
associated with this well-known author.
Here the writer made three primary changes. First, he changed the to
this to introduce “the work.” Next, he deleted duplicate information such
as “incredibly well received” and “author.” Finally, he combined the second
and third sentences into one clause—a group of words having a subject and
verb—that sits in the middle of the main clause, made from the first, fourth,
and fifth sentences. Adding information at different points in the sentence—
at the beginning, middle, or end—can give you greater variety. For instance,
here are the first two sentences of “‘The Raven’ Reviewed.”
Edgar Allan Poe’s poem “The Raven” has a solid place in American
literature.
The work is unparalleled by any of his other works.
The writer could simply join the sentences in sequence to write “Edgar
Allan Poe’s poem ‘The Raven’ has a solid place in American literature and
is unparalleled by any of his other works.” This combination joins the two
complete sentences to form one longer, more informative sentence. However, the writer can also vary the writing by inserting the information from
the second sentence at the beginning of the first sentence. The information
that has been moved has been underlined.
Unparalleled by any of his other works, Edgar Allan Poe’s poem
“The Raven” has a solid place in American literature.
Here the writer successfully communicates all the information,
while at the same time changing the rhythm of the writing. The new,
combined sentence has a completely different sound from the two original
sentences.
Another possible way to combine the same two sentences places the
information from the second sentence in the middle of the first sentence.
Edgar Allan Poe’s poem “The Raven,” unparalleled by any of his
other works, has a solid place in American literature.
Again, the sentence includes all the important information.
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EXERCISE 6 COMBINING SENTENCES FOR VA R I E T Y
Combine the following pairs of sentences by moving the underlined information from one sentence to the beginning or middle of the other sentence. You may have to change the form of some words to combine the
sentences logically. Answers will vary.
Example:
“The Masque of the Red Death” tells the story of a
prince who tries to dance away his fears.
The prince is unsuccessful.
Combined:
“The
Masque of the Red Death” tells the story of a
______________________________________________
prince who unsuccessfully tries to dance away his
fears.
______________________________________________
1. In an unknown land, the “Red Death” plagues the people.
The “Red Death” causes pain, bleeding, and death.
In an unknown land, the “Red Death,” which causes pain,
Combined: ____________________________________________________
bleeding, and death, plagues the people.
______________________________________________________________
2. Prince Prospero attempts to protect himself from the plague.
He attempts to protect a thousand of his closest friends, too.
Prince Prospero attempts to protect himself and a thousand of
Combined: ____________________________________________________
his closest friends from the plague.
______________________________________________________________
3. He invites these friends to his castle for a great party.
His castle is completely sealed from those dying outside.
He invites these friends to his castle, completely sealed from
Combined: ____________________________________________________
those dying outside, for a great party.
______________________________________________________________
4. The prince and his guests eat, drink, and celebrate for six months.
After six months, the prince plans an elaborate masque, or ball.
The prince and his guests eat, drink, and celebrate for six
Combined: ____________________________________________________
months, after which the prince plans an elaborate masque, or ball.
______________________________________________________________
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Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences
5. Everyone dresses up and dances inside the sealed castle.
The Red Death finds a way in and kills everyone.
Even though everyone dresses up and dances inside the sealed
Combined: ____________________________________________________
castle, the Red Death finds a way in and kills everyone.
______________________________________________________________
EDITING PRACTICE
Rewrite the following paragraph, combining sentences to avoid repetition
and add variety. Answers will vary.
One Heartbeat from Sanity
the
One of Poe’s most renowned characters is the narrator of a story.
The story is “The Tell-Tale Heart.” In this story, the narrator insists
despite acting
he is sane. The narrator acts like a madman. The narrator cares for
but
a kindly old man. The narrator is frightened of the man’s eye.
, the
Unable
The narrator is unable to stand “the Evil Eye” any longer. The nar, all the while acting
rator plots to kill the old man. The narrator acts kindly toward the
to
his
old man. The kind acts disguise the narrator’s wicked intentions.
, the
After he
The narrator suffocates the old man. The narrator cuts up the body
and
in a tub. The narrator hides the pieces under the floorboards. The
floorboards are in the bedroom. The police arrive. Their arrival is
, and the
in response to a complaint. The complaint is by a neighbor. The narand
, telling them
rator is calm. The narrator is confident. The narrator tells the police
that the old man has taken a trip. Eventually, the narrator hears
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what he thinks is
beating. The narrator thinks the old man’s heart is beating. The beat, and he confesses to the murder because he
ing grows louder and louder. The narrator is certain the police
can hear the beating. The narrator confesses to the murder. All the
however, what he
is
while, the narrator hears a heart. However, the narrator hears his
^
own heart.
Lab Activity 15
For additional practice with sentence combining, complete Lab Activity 15
in the lab manual packaged with your textbook. If you did not receive a lab
manual, you can complete this activity online at www.ablongman.com/long.
Click on College Resources for Writers and then click on Activity 15.