The Power of Empathy
and Storytelling
A presentation by Tim Urmston,
Founder & CEO Seek Company
Voted best session at The Market
Research Exchange by attendees.
Seek Company
I am a husband and father of four. I am crazy in love with my wife. And I love my
children. They are growing up and into themselves. I have one daughter who has
graduated college, two sons who are in college now, and a daughter who is about to finish
high school. I am a high school football coach who is into scuba diving. I ride bikes...the
one’s with motors. And not long ago I spent some time at the Martin Luther King Jr.
memorial where I was able to see, etched in stone, a quote that means a lot to me. It
reads, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort
and convenience but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy.”
I purposefully began the article this way, because I wanted you to see me as a human
being. Not as a title or head of a company but as a person with thoughts, emotions,
passions, and hobbies.
And yes, I do have a title; I am the founder, co-owner, and CEO of Seek Company. We
are an insights and innovation consultancy. We use the technology of empathy and our
signature methodologies to uncover deep human insights. We then bring the insights to
life. We tell impactful stories that compel teams and businesses to act on the behalf of the
people
they serve.
We’re a bit different than the ordinary. The ordinary often delivers data and
reduces the human to a number. To a statistic. Let’s use our imagination
and start like this: take a minute and imagine that you are trying to solve
a problem. Imagine that you work for a pharmaceutical company. The
The ordinary
problem is diabetics are not taking their insulin, particularly, at night,
around dinner time. You know they would be better if they did and
often delivers data
you want them to be better. So you do research. You present what
and reduces the
you find on a data slide. You give your consumer segment a name.
human to a
You call her the “perfectionist procrastinator.” She is indexing at 35
to 44 years old. She is a young mom and has an active family. You
number.
discover and report that her primary non-adherence drivers are (1) a
lack of time, (2) being too busy, (3) forgetfulness, (4) unavailability of
supplies, (5) inconvenience, and (6) complicated procedure.
“
”
And so the question to be asked is what would you make for her? How would you solve
the problem? Using the data slide, what would you do? Common ideas are “a smart app.”
Something to remind her. Or even to remind her family so they can help remind her.
Something big. Something loud. Some have even joked, “a big red light on the wall that
will not fail to prompt her to take the medicine.” You have solved a problem from a data
slide. From a segment name. Now, let’s solve it in a different way; an empathic way. Let’s
solve a problem from a story: the story of Emily.
It's right after dinner and her blood sugar is way off. Emily knows that she needs to take
her insulin. But the family is right there. The evening fun shows no signs of slowing. The
kids are chasing each other through the kitchen. They playfully try to provoke her. She
isn’t telling them how she feels. The needle. The bottle. The ritual. It is a reminder to
herself and to her family that she is broken. She might take it before bed when all eyes are
elsewhere but right now her identity as a supermom is on the line and she'd rather be
shaky than broken.
One of the things that Seek does is to train clients to empathically connect with the
people they're trying to serve. We train them to use the skill of empathy. To listen. To
watch. To pick up not just on the 7% of what is being said, but to pay attention to the
other 93%. To notice body language and tone of voice. The story of Emily comes from
this sort of connection and the empathic response is clearly different. The desire is to
create invisible administration methods. The response is to underscore Emily’s role as the
conqueror of a disease. As a brand, it's important to remember that there are not always
new products, sometimes it is new messaging. Messaging that is borne of empathy.
To better understand empathy and implement it in our research methods, Seek
interviewed several experts in the field. Here is some of what they had to say:
“Empathy is me understanding you. And managing my own behavior enough that I can
really be present for you.”--Karla McLaren (Author: The Art of Empathy: A Complete
Guide to Life’s Most Essential Skill)
“I think it's the most powerful way to change who we are as humans. I feel like as a
biologist as a neuroscientist one of the principles by which neurons seem to work is by
habit. And you continually do something it makes the connection stronger over time.”-Emile Bruneau PHD (SAVLAB Social Cognitive Neuroscience Lab)
“ To me the
effectiveness of
empathy comes
from the fact that
we all need to be
understood. ”
“If I don't connect with you I don't understand your problem. I
don't understand your predicament. And If I don't do that then
it’s going to be very hard for me to even negotiate with you. So
empathy is a foundation for any society. Without that, it's very
difficult to even function as in society.”--Marco Iacoboni
(Neuroscientist and Author: Mirroring People)
“Empathy is a big big part of feeling likeness where I feel like
you.”--Dr. David Givens (Director of The Center for
Nonverbal Studies)
“So I'm not just picking something up from you but I’m moving it out
through my system. I'm understanding what your needs are. I'm
understanding were different people. And you need something that's different from what I
would want for you. So for me the action piece of it is crucial to living a healthy empathic
life instead of just being able to pick up emotion.”--Karla McLaren
“We work hard when something has really made an impression on us. When it's moved
us. Well when you're empathizing with someone else they make an impression; they
inscribe themselves in you in a way where they are part of your imagination now and you
can imagine their experience. To me the effectiveness of empathy comes from the fact
that we all need to be understood. The natural function of emotion is to communicate
our condition to another person. And when we are able to do that we trust that person
and we can go on with getting taken care of.”--Jodi Halpern MD, PHD (Professor of
Bioethics and Author: From Detached Concern to Empathy)
When we look at empathy a bit more closely we see that there are two kinds of empathy.
There is contagious empathy, which we are all born with. We are naturally hard-wired for
contagious empathy. A great example is of a nursery. When one baby begins to cry, the
response of the other babies is to cry as well. We have all experienced contagious laughter
and excitement. But contagious empathy can easily be exhausting. When we are with
others, we are inundated with emotional stimuli. Imagine an untempered empathic reflex
as you walk down a city street. To conserve energy, we have learned to dampen this
contagious empathy because it’s energy expensive. The problem with that is we have
psychologically isolated ourselves. This way of being has made it more difficult to connect
with each other. This is why it’s important to learn to practice the second kind of
empathy called cognitive empathy. Cognitive empathy is also known as perspective taking.
It requires a choice. A decision. It requires courage because to invite another person’s
condition to affect our own condition is a scary proposition. It needs a heightened
awareness of ourselves and others and a remembrance of the common human bond. We
are alike. Mostly alike. In fact, we are more alike than different. We are emotional beings
and we have all experienced similar emotions, though they have come through our
individual and unique circumstances.
When I began this article I told you some about who I am. Husband. Father. Coach.
Motorcyclist. Scuba diver. Now I need to let you in on a little of who I am not. I am not a
biologist. Not an anthropologist. Not a psychologist. Not a neuroscientist. That said, we
are a curious bunch at Seek Company. Insatiably curious - we read, discover, ask
questions, and learn all we can. I want to share a little of what we have been learning
about the evolved brain and storytelling. The reason storytelling is essential to innovation
starts with the brain, and it starts millions of years ago. The brain, and in fact our entire
nervous system, evolved from basic functioning forward. Learning to solve problems
starts well before conscious “thought.”
Let’s consider the earliest, most basic part of the brain. Often referred
to as the lizard brain, it is responsible for solving the problems of
basic survival. It takes care of heartbeat, respiration, balance,
coordination and basic movement. These parts of the brain include
the brainstem, the cerebellum, and the basal ganglia. The lizard
brain is responsible for the urges of feeding, mating, and defense.
This is the part of the brain that deals with the fight or flight
mentality. It is mostly unconscious.
“ This way of
being has made it
more difficult to
connect with each
other. ”
Next, the limbic brain. It is sometimes conceptualized as the “feeling
and reacting” brain. This is unconscious and preconscious sensory
processing. A key factor introduced here is primitive memory. For example, if
you put your hand on a hot stove the lizard brain will take your hand away. The limbic
brain will inform you not to put your hand on the stove because it unconsciously
remembers what happened the last time. Imagine a fish swimming by an underwater cave
and an eel is in the cave. The fish escapes with its life as the eel goes after it. The fish
unconsciously remember the temperature and depth of the water, the water pressure, the
current, and any visual stimulus that's around there and will not go there again. It is
problem-solving from previous experience. It's Pavlov's dog. The bell is rung, the dog is
fed. The bell is rung, the dog is fed. The bell is rung, the dog is fed. The bell is rung and
when the dog is not fed, what happens? The dog salivates. There is a physical response to
the bell ringing because of primitive memory.
Finally, let's consider the new brain. This neomammalian brain allows for higher order
executive functioning, planning, and abstraction. This ability represents an incredible step
forward in problem-solving capability, as it enables not just prediction but planning and
execution based on abstract concepts. It is this function that enables bears to stand
upstream of migrating salmon, and squirrels to store away nuts for the winter. For the vast
majority of the new brain’s evolution, all of these problem-solving abilities remained
unconscious; that is to say, the creatures doing these things had no awareness of their own
thoughts; this planning and execution is “instinct.”
When we view a data slide, look at it, and respond to it, our prefrontal cortex is engaged.
Specifically, the medial prefrontal cortex which is responsible for higher cognitive
functions and planning. It aids us in distinguishing right from wrong and helps determine
what is appropriate social behavior and decision making. Information is taken in and
responses are generated. Nothing reaches or touches any other part of the brain or body.
One of the ways that we understand empathy is by recognizing that it is a full bodied
experience. It includes our head, our heart, and our gut. When we interact with a data
slide, we are using only sensory input and thought. We use our head. But a story moves
us. From a story we allow what we are taking into our head, to affect our heart, which
compels us in our gut to act on another’s behalf. To understand the mechanism behind an
empathic response, it helps to start with three nervous systems that are engaged when you
hear a compelling story.
The Central Nervous System (CNS), which consists of the brain and spinal
cord. The CNS is responsible for the integration and coordination of
all of the body’s information. It is the seat of conscious thought,
external sensory processing, and executive function. The
Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) controls base-level organ
A story can go
functioning (heart, lungs, kidneys, pancreas, sex organs, etc.).
where quantitative
The ANS is largely unconscious and operates “in the
analysis is denied
background.” This is where the preparation for the “fight or
flight”
response is controlled. The Enteric Nervous System
admission: our
(ENS) is also called the “gut brain” or the “second brain.” In
hearts.
the ENS, there are five times as many neurons as there are in
the spinal cord. The ENS controls gastrointestinal functioning
“
”
and is constantly sending signals to the CNS. The ENS drives attraction and aversion to
external stimuli. Besides being the primary seat of hunger, disgust, and nausea, the ENS
is a massive emotional driver.
When we engage with a human story, we take advantage of an evolutionary mechanism
that is meant to prompt action. Story is effective because it evokes emotions, it taps into
your autonomic nervous system, allows empathy and mirror neurons to make a
connection, and happens unconsciously. Mirror neurons make us physically unable to
remove our own experience from that portrayed in the story and we quite literally invoke
a head, heart and gut response. Doing so not only prompts a more fully-dedicated
reaction, but engages a far more powerful, learned, and time-tested system for problemsolving.
So empathy is the technology and story is the vehicle that transports that technology to
where it must go. Harrison Monarth speaks of the effect of story well when he says, “A
story can go where quantitative analysis is denied admission: our hearts. Data can
persuade people, but it doesn't inspire them to act; to do that, you need to wrap your
vision in a story that fires the imagination and stirs the soul.” We submit that it stirs not
only the soul but the entire body. The data slide can’t do that.
“Shared stories are the only way anyone has for
escaping the straitjacket of self”
Richard Powers.
This is what story does:
1
It's a way for us to break free allowing us to alter the confines of assumption,
prejudice, and habit. It allows us to broaden and deepen ourselves, by becoming
free of who we are and connecting with the world of another person through
their story, their narrative.
2
Story humanizes the people we’re trying to serve. Data gives numbers, figures and
statistics but nothing emotional, living, or human.
3
Story unearths age old tensions that we all share. Story allows us to connect with
one another emotionally. Though our contexts are different and unique, we have
all experienced essentially the same emotions. We share in the bond that is very
human.
4
Story frees us from harmful worldviews. From staunchly held opinions. From
believing we are wholly separate from another.
Story “delivers a person from certainty”—Richard Powers.
“It seems to me that evil—the word of the hour yet again—might be the willful
destruction of empathy. Evil is the refusal to see oneself and others. …But I do know that
when I read a particularly moving and achieved work of fiction, I feel myself succumbing
to all kinds of contagious rearrangement. Only inhabiting another’s story can deliver us
from certainty”—Richard Powers.
Tapping into the power of empathy and storytelling is a challenge worth taking. It
requires much of us. We are required to take a risk. To be courageous. To dive deep into
the human experience. But it is empathy and story that truly make a difference in your
life. In my life. In our work.