BalancedLiving
April 2016
DEALING WITH CONFLICT: TAKE IT STEP BY STEP
Step 1.
Cool off! Being out of control will keep you
from solving the problem.
♦ Count down backwards from 10.
♦ Close your eyes and take deep breaths.
♦ Think of a peaceful place or something
that makes you happy.
♦ Slowly say over and over to yourself,
"Take it easy."
Step 2.
Keep it real! Figure out what's really
bothering you.
♦
♦
♦
♦
Step 3.
Do you not agree?
Did someone say or do something that made you mad or hurt your feelings?
Are you feeling the way you do now because of something else that upset you in the past?
Is this a one-time problem or one that keeps happening?
Deal with the issue.
♦ Find a time when you can talk in private.
♦ Keep your voice calm and your body relaxed. Make eye contact to show you are serious.
♦ Say exactly what is bothering you. Share how you feel by using sentences that start with "I."
Don't blame or accuse the other person.
• Instead of: "You never want to hang out with me anymore." Try: "I feel left out when you
hang out with your other friends."
• Instead of: "You always pick on me in class." Try: "I feel singled out when you call on me
more than other students."
• Instead of: "You're so pushy." Try: "I feel upset when you don't listen to what I think."
• Keep the conflict between you and only the others involved. Don't ask friends to take
sides.
Step 4.
Listen. The other person might see the problem in a different way. You may each have a
different point of view, but neither of you is wrong. Make sure to listen to his or her side of
the story.
♦ Make eye contact. This shows you are interested in what the other person is saying and
willing to solve the problem.
♦ Listen for what is behind the words—like feelings and ideas.
♦ Keep emotions in check. Don't interrupt, get angry, judge, or be defensive.
♦ Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes to see where he or she is coming from.
Step 5.
Work it out. Talk about ways to settle the conflict that will meet both of your needs. Be
willing to change and keep an open mind. Be willing to say you're sorry, forgive, and move
on.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services ©2016
Balanced Living
April 2016
F A Q: TOP 10 QUESTIONS ON FILING TAXES
How long should I keep my tax papers?
At least three years, but six years is preferable. The IRS
has three years after you file a tax return to complete an
audit. The IRS can audit you for up to six years if it
suspects that you underreported your income by 25% or
more. If the IRS suspects fraud, there is no time limit for an
audit, although audits beyond six years are extremely rare.
How long should I worry if I haven't filed tax
returns that I should have filed?
Probably six years. The government has six years from the date the non-filed return was due to
criminally charge you with failing to file. (There is no time limit, however, for assessing civil penalties
for not filing. If you didn't file for 1958, you still have an obligation if you owed taxes for that year.) Not
until you actually file a return does the normal audit time limit — three years — and collection time
limit — ten years — start to run.
Don't over worry about a non-filed return due more than six years ago if you haven't heard from the
IRS. The IRS usually doesn't go after non-filers after six years.
If I can't pay my taxes, should I file my return anyway?
Yes. Filing saves you from the possibility of being criminally charged or, more likely, from being hit
with a fine for failing to file or for filing late. Interest continues to build up until you pay. Of course,
filing without paying will bring the IRS collector into your life, but he or she will be friendlier if he or she
doesn't have to hunt you down. The sooner you start filing, the better.
Can I get an extension to pay a tax without penalties and interest?
Probably not. Although you can get extensions to file your tax return, you still must pay by April 15 or
the IRS can impose a penalty and charge interest. You can try pleading hardship on IRS Form 1127
to get up to six months extra to pay, but the IRS may require that you post a bond or mortgage, which
is impractical for most people. Few payment extensions are granted. Even then, only penalties, not
interest, stop accruing. Form 1127 works best in requesting an extension to pay estate taxes.
My state had an amnesty period for non-filers. Can I ever hope the IRS will have
one?
Maybe — the idea is frequently kicked around in Congress. However, the IRS has always opposed
tax amnesty legislation, which allows non-filers come forward without being criminally prosecuted or
civilly fined. The IRS's reasoning is that after the amnesty period expires, significant numbers of
people won't file, expecting another amnesty. Based on the success of various states trying, the IRS
may be wrong.
Who has access to my IRS file?
Federal law makes IRS files private records. The law has many exceptions, however. IRS files can be
legally shared with other federal and state agencies. (Most leakage comes from result of sloppy state
agencies that are granted access to IRS files.) Furthermore, IRS employees have been caught
Balanced Living
April 2016
snooping, and computer hackers have broken into
government databases. While violation of the Privacy Act is
a crime, rarely is anyone prosecuted for it, though IRS
personnel can be fired if caught.
Is it true that the IRS pays rewards for turning in
tax cheaters?
Yes, but you don't get the reward until the IRS collects
from the cheater, which is far from a sure thing. The IRS
pays about 8% of the first $100,000 it collects and 1% of
the balance. Identities of informers are kept secret, but tax cheats usually know who reported them —
mostly ex-spouses or disgruntled business associates.
In a recent year, the IRS paid out a paltry $1.5 million for tips, on $72 million collected. The IRS
places low priority on investigating tips and paying rewards. Typically, you will never know what
action, if any, is taken on your tip, but if you want to try it, submit IRS Form 211.
What should I do if I don't get my refund?
If you filed your tax return at least eight weeks ago, call the IRS tax refund hotline at 800-829-4477,
Monday - Friday, 7:00 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. Or, call the 24-hour assistance number at 800-829-1040
and request assistance from the taxpayer advocate.
If you filed your return on or before April 15 and don't receive your refund until after May 31, the IRS
must pay you interest. If you never get a refund, it may have been intercepted to pay any of the
following:
•
•
•
•
State or federal taxes you owe.
A defaulted student, SBA, or other federal government loan.
Delinquent child support.
A public benefit overpayment (such as HUD, VA, or Social Security).
In these situations, you are supposed to be notified in writing, but don't count on it.
Can the IRS charge me interest if I was incorrectly sent a refund and the IRS now
wants it back?
It depends. The Internal Revenue Manual states that "taxpayers should not be held liable for interest
on erroneous refunds if the IRS was clearly at fault and the taxpayer is cooperative in repaying."
However, if you caused the erroneous refund and now can't repay it, the IRS can and will charge
interest.
How legitimate are the claims by tax experts that you don’t have to pay income
taxes?
Not at all. These con artists can be convincing, but they are not legit. Constitutional arguments
against the tax laws are routinely dismissed by courts, and their proponents are fined or jailed. More
sophisticated scams involve multiple family trusts, limited partnerships, and credit cards issued by
offshore banks. While these schemes can confuse and slow down the IRS, they are bogus, period.
Nolo Legal Press ©2016
Balanced Living
April 2016
LAUGHING YOUR WAY TO A STRONG IMMUNE SYSTEM
Ask veteran nursing educator Anne Belcher, Ph.D., to
describe the link between your health and your sense of
humor, and she'll quickly tell you how she handled a recent
monster traffic jam.
Her strategy was simple. While other drivers leaned on their
horns and snarled curses, Dr. Belcher calmly reached into
the glove compartment for her jar of pink "Wonder Bubbles."
Moments later, the university nursing professor was blowing
a stream of fluttery bubbles past the other drivers, while
laughing herself silly at their startled reactions.
"After a couple of minutes," chuckles the professor, who teaches classes in "laughter therapy" each
semester, "they didn't know whether to call the cops, or start laughing with me."
For the fun-loving Dr. Belcher, the "Great Bubble Caper" offers a classic example of how laughter can
improve your health. Her message, in exactly six words: Laugh more, and you'll feel better.
Develop a better sense of humor, Dr. Belcher contends, and you'll reduce the wear and tear caused
by stress, anxiety and frustration -- while at the same time strengthening your immune system's ability
to fend off disease. Increasingly, scientific researchers all across America are agreeing with her.
At the Stanford University Medical School in Palo Alto, Calif., for example, famed health researcher
William Fry, M.D., recently demonstrated that "mirthful laughter" (the kind you get from watching Bill
Cosby, let's say, while enjoying a few old-fashioned "belly laughs") markedly enhances the body's
ability to resist illness.
According to Dr. Fry, lab tests showed that the immune systems of the "laughers" tend to release
more disease-fighting "T cells" from the spleen into the
bloodstream than do the systems of the "non-laughers."
"There's no doubt that mirthful laughter stimulates the quantity of
T cells, and also their vitality," says the Stanford psychiatrist.
Here's the bottom line
Because these T cells are a major weapon in the body's defense against illness, the "laughter
stimulus" they receive may be a crucial factor in staving off the next flu virus that comes your way.
But the mystery of exactly how laughter strengthens the immune system continues to puzzle
researchers.
Is it simply that the physical exercise of laughing helps to "condition" the disease-fighting system, in
the same way that exercise "conditions" an athlete? (Dr. Fry's studies have shown that the "inner
jogging" of laughter can boost the average pulse rate from 60 to 120 in a few seconds, while flooding
Balanced Living
April 2016
the entire cardiovascular system with vital oxygen.) Or is there also a
mysterious psychological component at work?
"We can't answer that," says Dr. Fry. "But there's absolutely no doubt that
laughing is great exercise. Some people get so involved they end up kicking
their feet in the air."
Another health benefit to be gained from the giggles, he says, is that
vigorous laughter often activates the body's natural tranquilizers -- the braincentered "endorphins," which reduce pain and trigger the euphoria known
as "runner's high."
Given all of these marvelous health benefits, you'd think that most of us
would be laughing our heads off these days, in our continuing quest for
wellness.
But we aren't, and for good reason: Life today has become so stressful that many people can't seem
to manage even a tiny smile, let alone an old-fashioned belly-whomper.
"A lot of people have just plain forgotten how to laugh," explains
Marci Catanzaro, Ph.D., a University of Washington nursing
professor, "and that's really a shame."
For those of us now suffering from such "terminal seriousness,"
Dr. Catanzaro offers a helpful recommendation: We should
"reconnect with the child inside, and learn how to laugh again by
enjoying the silliness in life." To accomplish that, try a few of
these tips:
•
Draw up what Dr. Fry calls a five-day "humor profile" of yourself by making a list of things you
laughed at during that period (a funny cartoon, a goofy remark, a TV comic, etc.). Start collecting
examples of that kind of humor.
•
Learn to enjoy the comedy in your own mishaps and boo-boos. Example: Marvin Herring, M.D., a
longtime professor of family medicine at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey,
remembers how he once reached for a microphone before class -- and knocked his own wig off.
His reaction? He simply made the mess-up part of the lesson-plan, telling his students: "That just
goes to show you that what you see in life is not always what you get -- an important lesson for a
doctor!"
•
Teach yourself some of Dr. Catanzaro's tricks, such as
taking a "humor walk" each day (look for the "human
comedy" all around you) or keeping a jar full of your favorite
jokes on your desk.
•
When it's appropriate, dare to show others the silliness in
yourself. Describing a recent tumble she took on an icy
sidewalk, Dr. Belcher recalls: "I told the friend I was walking
with, 'Just remember that I fell gracefully.' And then I laughed
my head off."
Wellness Library Health Ink & Vitality Communications © 2016
Balanced Living
April 2016
WHAT KIND OF STRESS IS GOOD FOR YOU?
Many people believe that all stress is bad, but you
may have heard that there's "good stress" and "bad
stress." Do you know what people mean by that?
We rarely hear people say, "I'm really feeling
stressed -- isn't that great?" But if we didn't
have some stress in our lives -- the 'good stress'
variety -- we'd feel rudderless and unhappy. If we
define stress as anything that alters our
homeostasis, for good or for bad, then good stress,
in its many forms, is vital for a healthy life.
However, good stress can turn into bad stress, and
vice-versa. Here's what you need to know about
good stress.
Good Stress Vs. Bad Stress
So-called "good stress," or what psychologists refer to as "eustress," is the type of stress we feel
when we feel excited. Our pulse quickens, our hormones change, but there is no threat or fear.
We feel this type of stress when we ride a roller coaster, gun for a promotion, or go on a first date.
There are many triggers for this good stress, and it keeps us feeling alive and excited about life.
Another type of stress is acute stress. It comes from quick surprises that need a response. Acute
stress triggers the body's stress response as well, but the triggers aren't always happy and exciting.
This is what we normally think of as "stress." Acute stress in itself doesn't take a heavy toll if we find
ways to relax quickly. Once the stressor has been dealt with, we need to return our body to
homeostasis, or its pre-stress state, to be healthy and happy.
The type of stress we really have to worry about is chronic stress.
Chronic stress comes when we repeatedly face stressors that take a heavy toll and feel inescapable.
A stressful job or an unhappy home life can bring chronic stress. This is what we normally thing of as
serious stress. Because our bodies aren't designed for chronic stress, we can face negative health
effects (both physical and emotional) if we deal with chronic stress for an extended period of time.
Sources of Good Stress
Okay, back to good stress. Knowing about the different types of stress, it makes sense to get more
good stress into your life. Because you actually can get too much of even the good type of stress, it's
important to choose activities in your life that make you feel good, happy, and excited about life. It's
also a good idea to cut out as many activities as you can that drain you, or lead to the experience of
chronic stress. One good way to gauge whether or not an activity is worth your time is to pay attention
to how the thought of it makes you feel. Do you feel excited at the thought? Is it a "want to" activity, or
a "have to" activity? Be sure your "want to" activities are all things you really do want to do, and your
"have to" activities are all absolutely necessary.
Balanced Living
April 2016
How Good Stress Can Become Bad Stress
I've alluded to it twice already: good stress can become bad for
you if you experience too much of it. (Adrenaline junkies know
this firsthand.) This is because your stress response is triggered
either way, and if you're adding that to chronic stress, or several
other stressors, there is still a cumulative effect: lots of stress!
That's why it's important to be in tune with yourself and be able
to tell when you've had too much. You may not be able to
eliminate all stress, but there are often ways that you can
minimize or avoid some of the stress in your life, and this can
make it easier to handle the rest. Particularly if you can avoid
the most taxing forms of stress, you'll have more resilience against the types of stress in your life that
are unavoidable.
How Bad Stress Can Become Good Stress
Not all forms of bad stress can become good stress, but it is possible to change your perception of
some of the stressors in your life, and this shift in perception can change your experience of stress!
This is because the body's stress response reacts strongly to perceived threats; if you don't perceive
something as a threat, there is generally no threat-based stress response. If you perceive something
as a challenge, the fear you would normally experience may turn into excitement and anticipation, or
at least steeled resolve. You can often make the shift in perception by focusing on resources, seeing
the hidden potential benefits of a situation, and reminding yourself of your strengths. Getting into the
habit of thinking like an optimist can also help. Once you are in the practice of looking at things as
challenges more often, it becomes more automatic.
Overall, it's important to have good stress in your life. By making the effort to cut out as much chronic
stress as possible, changing your perception of stress where you can, and adding some positive
activities in the mix to promote eustress, you can create a nice balance of good stress in your life.
Source: www.stress.about.com
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April 2016
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