72
Chapter 2 Colleges: How Are They Different from High School?
Loneliness
Barbara
M. Newman and Philip R. Newman
Barbara and Philip Newman are the authors of many books on human development.
well known for Development Through Life: A Psychological
Approach, now in its eighth edition. Barbara Newman is professor and chair of the
They are especially
Human Development and Studies Department at the University of Rhode lsland. Phllip
Newman is a lecturer in the same department.
Some students may experience feelings of loneliness as they enter a new and foreign
college environment. Ihe authors describe loneliness as a common college experience
and suggest that friendships can play a key role in overcoming it.
ollege brings new opportunities for friendship, but it also brings new expeof isolation and loneliness. Many college students leave the comfort
and familiarity of their support system at home for a new environment. Others
break ties with old friends who have gone to work or entered the military right
f
\-riences
after high school. The early weeks and months of college are likely to bring
deep feelings of isolation and loneliness. These feelings are intensified because
students usually approach the transition to college with such positive anticipation. They often do not even consider that this change will bring any sense of
uprootedness or loss.
Loneliness is a common experience of college life. An estimated 25 percent
of the college population feel extremely lonely at some time during any given
month. These feelings are likely to be most noticeable during the freshman year
because of the sharp contrast between the structure of high school life and the
independence expected of students in college. Howevet loneliness can be a theme
throughout the college years. The process of becoming an individual brings with it
a new appreciation for one's separateness from others. As young people discover
their own uniqueness, from time to time they are bound to feel that no one else
really understands them.
Your parents may also experience periods of loneliness. They miss the physical presence of a person they love. They miss the daily interactions. Now and
again, they may yeam for things to be more like they were and wish to be less
separate.
Loneliness can be classified into three categories; transient, situational, and
chronic.l Transient loneliness lasts a short time and passes. College students may
feel this kind of loneliness when their friends are out on dates and they are alone
in the dorm. This type of loneliness may occur when a student is the only one
rThese categories
28-33.
are adapted from J. Meer, "Loneliness," Psychology Today, July 1985, pp.
From Whm Kids Go to College, by Barbara M, Newman and Philip R. Newman. Copyright 1992,
The Ohio State University Press. Reprinted by permission.
Barbara M. Newman And Philip R.
Newman
Loneliness
73
to take a certain position in a discussion; the only black student in a classi or the
only one working out in a large, empty gym.
Situational loneliness accompanies a sudden loss or a move to a new city.
Students commonly experience this kind of loneliness when they first come to
college, especially if they are away from home. Most of us are disoriented when
we move to a new town. Going to college is no different. Despite the many new
and wonderful facets of college life, most young people experience situational
loneliness due to the loss of the supportive, familiar environment of their homes
and communities.
Your parents may undergo situational loneliness because of the loss of your
presence. Even though they have planned and saved for this opportunity, they
may experience intense loneliness following your departure. Rather than trying
to create a myth that no one is feeling lonely, parents and college students can
help each other through this time by admitting their loneliness and doing their
best to reduce it. Frequent telephone calls, letters, and visits home in the first few
months can ease the feelings of loss.
Chronic loneliness lasts a long time and cannot be linked to a specific event
or situation. Chronically lonely people may have an average number of social
contacts, but these contacts are not meaningful in helping the person achieve the
desired level of intimacy. Chronically lonely people often seem reluctant to make
contact with others. There appears to be a strong relationship between social skills
and chronic loneliness. People who have higher levels of social skill, including
friendliness, communication skills, appropriate nanaerbal behavior, and appropriate response to others, have more adequate social support and experience lower
levels of loneliness.
You may not recognize that you suffer from chronic loneliness until you are
away at college. l{hile children are living at home, parents are usually able to
provide the amount of social support their children need. At college, children
may find it extremely difficult to replace the level of trust and closeness that were
provided by family members and high school friends.
Inadequate friendship relationships may actually interfere with your academic
performance as well as your physical and mental health. Substantial research
evidence supports the relationship between inadequate social suppott andaulnetability to illness. People who are part of a strong social support system are more
likely to resist disease and to recover quickly from illnesses when they occur'
Their general outlook on life is more optimistic.
A college student's circle of friends plays a key role in keeping the young person integrated into the social environment. Friends look in on you when you are
sick; they make sure you have an assignment if you miss class; they invite you
to join them if they are going to a party, a special lecture, or a camPus concert.
Friends worry about you and remind you to take care of yourself. Friends monitor your moods and prevent you from becoming too preoccupied or too discouraged. Friends value you and support your emerging identity. They understand
the importance of the questions you are raising, and they encourage you to say
what's on your mind. Building and maintaining satisfying friendships are key
ingredients to feeling at home and succeeding in college'
74
Chapter 2 Colleges: How Are They Different from High School?
|$4*cabulary
As you think about this essay, these definitions may be helpful to you:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
uprootedness in psychology, a sense of being displaced
transient passing through with only a brief stay or sojourn
disoriented having lost a sense of time, place, or identity
nonverbal involving minimal or no use of language
vulnerability openness to attack or damage
lE
1.
2.
3.
.
5.
r,rcussion Questions
in a college student?
\A/hat are the three categories of loneliness described by the authors?
VVhat factors may trigger loneliness
How does transient loneliness differ from chronic loneliness?
\alhy are students with little or no social support more vulnerable to illness?
\Alhat is the hardest part of maintaining a friendship?
lN
,rrsestions for Your Journal
Did you experience situational loneliness when you started college? How did it
feel? Do you know students who are lonely? FIow can building and maintaining
friendships be helpful in overcoming loneliness? FIow can you as a friend help
another student through lonely times?