The Bandwagon is Waiting, But No One is Getting On Everyone else is doing it. If there ever was a reason to cross over to your perceived dark side, that was it. It seems to be a compelling enough reason to be on Facebook; it’s the same logic we use for why it’s a good idea to do drugs and jump off cliffs. On a superficial level, Farhad Manjoo’s arguments in his exposition entitled “​You Have No Friends,”
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seem valid and potentially convincing as he valiantly and passionately touts the reasons to join the Facebook world. However, when taking a closer look, the faint, condescending tone of the author leaves much to be desired in the way of successful persuasion, especially to those he claims he is targeting: those who have made the very conscious decision to stay away. Through the use of sweeping assumptions, juvenile arguments, and a cheeky tone, Manjoo fails to influence his intended audience toward joining the Facebook movement. Instead, the audience finds themselves lumped into the company of self righteous, ‘friendless’ outcasts whose only purpose is to make a statement. To start us off Manjoo says, “There is a good chance everyone you know is on Facebook” (Manjoo, 141). Is EVERYONE you know really on Facebook? Considering there are an estimated 318 million people residing in the United States, and only a projected 300 million Facebook users, many of them not in the US, there is a good chance the audience knows other people that are not on Facebook, and they are not oblivious to this. In fact Manjoo himself even says, “Though your ranks dwindle daily, there are many of you” (141). The broad exaggeration followed closely by his own contradiction, at best, secures an eye roll from the obstinate company of holdouts. Using a junior high type of peer pressure is unlikely to be a compelling 2 enough argument to persuade most adults into joining a network they strongly oppose. The anti­Facebook party can hold on to the fact that although their numbers may be diminishing, there are still a great many people known and unknown that have yet to join the Facebook crowd, and still the world turns on. Let’s discuss the title. Being that this article is addressed specifically to the conscious avoiders of Facebook, telling someone they have no friends is off­putting, to say the least. Already the author has put a wall between himself and his intended audience by drawing upon the popular Facebook adage: It’s not real unless it’s on Facebook. Manjoo quotes the director of publicity at Twelve Publisher, Cary Goldstein as saying, “I don’t see how having hundreds or thousands of ‘friends’ is leading to any kind of substantive friendships. The whole thing seems so weird to me. Now you really have to turn off your computer and just go out to live real life and make real connections with people that way. I don’t think it’s healthy” (141). This perception Manjoo is trying to create, that friends are only real when you are connected on social media, seems to be the exact reason the quoted man, and many others, have yet to join Facebook. His immature argument is made even less effective due to the reality that many of his audience, presumably, do indeed have friends, despite not having joined the Facebook club. It is also likely that their most precious friendships have not suffered with the introduction of Facebook, or the selected audience would have been more likely to join Facebook in order to preserve them. Now that Manjoo has anointed his audience as friendless, he poorly attempts to put himself on a personal level with them by saying, “Friends­Can I call you friends” (142)? This presumptive, personal address may have worked had it not been so poorly followed up with, “it’s time to drop the attitude” (142). He has humored his audience long enough, and now it’s time for 3 them to grow up. Okay, when was the last time a human being responded well to being chastised and scolded concerning a perceived attitude? The author’s use of this well known, despised beratement, places him on shaky ground with those he is trying to sway with his article. Evoking feelings of malcontent, it pokes a hot fire iron at the sleeping, nonconformist radical in anyone that holds strong feelings regarding this particular topic. To top it off, it is also a phrase commonly associated with a belligerent adolescent. With an audience of professional adults, it is hard to imagine that any of them would take kindly to being portrayed as a bellicose juvenile. It gives any strong headed, opinionated reader, the desire to tenaciously latch onto this newly discovered attitude, mostly out of spite, dig the heels in even further, proudly fly the colors of a Facebook hold out, and maybe even slam the door on the way out, just for good measure. If the people weren’t thoroughly convinced by the last argument, the next one is sure to be a crowd pleaser. Manjoo informs us that Facebook “is fast becoming a routine aid to social interaction, like email and antiperspirant,” (142) and has become a “lubricant of social connections” (144). Has our society fallen so low that we rely on social media to build new, meaningful relationships and connections? This type of disconnect from the real world and real live interactions is what many in his target audience heartily oppose (as previously pointed out). He seems to be setting up Facebook as a virtual, mandatory Martini of socializing. This argument works, not really, because we all know it’s only possible, and more fun, to meet someone new when your words are slurring. So again we ask ourselves the question, do our social interactions with our friends and family really need to be assisted by Facebook, as Manjoo would suggest? His audience knows that, along with being able to sustain existing relationships, despite not having Facebook, it is also very possible, and very common, to make new 4 connections without a Facebook. In fact, it is highly reasonable that most of our initial connections are made in person to begin with. Now to the antiperspirant comment specifically, because this one is a real winner. To be the social vagabond, or not to be, that is the real question. To not be on Facebook is to be that malodorous student with questionable hygiene, the one no other student wants to sit next to in class. It is to be the homeless bum on the street that all but the charitable, saintly pedestrians avoid, (probably because the bum doesn’t have Facebook either). Comparing Facebook to part of the average human’s health regimen is not only a bit of a stretch, it’s also a little distasteful. Are Facebook and antiperspirant even in the same universe when it comes to social situations? Does not having Facebook impede your ability to socialize in the real world? Again, the audience already knows that Facebook is not mandatory for a healthy social life, and making all of these sweeping, blanket claims only succeed in breaking down any type of trust, or confidence the audience may have been able to gain in the author had he used a more reliable approach. Another assumption that Manjoo takes the honor of refuting himself is that everyone currently on Facebook enjoys their experience. He makes reference to the skeptic’s belief that social networks can inhibit a person’s ability to make friends and encourages introverted behavior. In response he says, “But only someone who’s never used Facebook would make that argument” (144), implying that anyone that has ever used Facebook would never leave such a beloved social network, while at the same time repudiating his own argument by giving a personal testimony of a woman that indeed chose to leave. He relates the story of Kate Koppleman and plainly states, “she was on Facebook all through college...but she says she’ll never join again” (143). It would appear that although the ranks of the non­believers may be 5 dwindling, there are also dissenters from the Facebook lovers that have found the benefits are not worth the pain. Instead of persuading his crowd, he succeeds in giving them further ammunition to use against his weak claims. One of Manjoo artfully disguised, underlying themes that comes to a head near the end of his editorial is that Facebook isn’t for you at all, it is for everyone else who wants to find you there. “Facebook is the expected way to make...connections” (144). When you are not on Facebook you are, “making life difficult for those who went looking for you there” (144), meaning, it is your responsibility to make life easier for everyone else by ensuring they are able to track you down via social media. Considering the audience this editorial was written for, this type of mentality, the abandon­your­position­because­you­are­making­life­hard­for­everyone­ else point of view, is a very poor angle to present what could have been, an otherwise convincing argument. The audience is not seeking ways to make life easier for every random stranger they meet, and all the upkeep and time wasting they see expressed in others is one of their biggest deterrents to becoming a part of the scene. Heaven forbid someone cannot Facebook stalk you and see what you did last summer, it could cost you your future. Manjoo’s final, debilitating attempt at selling his audience is his closing sentence, taken from a personal email written by a woman that finally decided to take the Facebook plunge, “thanks for making me eat my words” (145)! This type of in­your­face attitude is the noose around the neck of what could have been some successful persuasion. Implying to a stubborn group of adults they will eat their words if they ever decide to take the plunge is likely to stave off any type of faltering they may have had in their position. No one likes to be proven wrong and then have it shoved in their face for good measure. 6 Despite having plenty of useful material from which to draw on, Manjoo’s attempts to persuade his headstrong audience has missed the mark and fallen flat. Where trust and credible experience could have been employed to show valid and valued reasons to become a part of the Facebook community, generous assumptions, adolescent peer pressure, and a lurking, condescending inflection, only add brick and mortar to the barrier between Manjoo’s intended audience and the Facebook world. The conscious objector can sleep easy at night knowing another battle, calling for their destruction, has come and gone, and they have, once again, come off conqueror with their morals fully intact. Works Cited 7 Manjoo, Farha. “You Have No Friends.” 20019. ​Perspectives on New Media. Provo: BYU Academic, 2016. 141­145. Print.