SCIENTIA
2008
The Journal of the Honors Program
About the Author
Maria Alena Scavone is graduating summa cum laude from Marywood University with a
Bachelor of Arts degree in French and Spanish and a minor in Music and Dance Performance. As
a Marywood student, she has served as a resident assistant, co-chair for the Foreign Language
Department Immersion Day, French tutor, English as a second language (ESL) tutor, orientation
advisor (2005), and secretary of the World Languages Club. Maria has participated in campus
service activities including Make a Difference Day and KIDSTUFF, and has organized monetary
collections for Hurricane Katrina victims and Thanksgiving food baskets for families in need.
Maria is a member of Delta Epsilon Sigma National Scholastic Honor Society, Kappa Gamma Pi
National Catholic College Graduate Honor Society, and Phi Sigma Iota International Foreign
Language Honor Society. She has been on the Marywood University Dean’s List every semester,
a participant of the Marywood University Honors Program, and a member of Who’s Who Among
American Colleges and Universities. Maria is honored to have received the Dr. Wanda
Persichetti Medal for Excellence in Foreign Languages. Following graduation, Maria intends to
teach English as an English Teaching Assistant in France for the 2008-2009 school year. Maria is
grateful to all those who have encouraged her to excel, especially her mother and grandmother;
the professors of the Foreign Language Department: Dr. Mary Elizabeth Kenny, Dr. Ann
Cerminaro-Costanzi, Mrs. Alice Reyes, and Dr. José Reyes; Director of the Marywood University
Honors Program, Christina Marie Elvidge; Sister Joan Ciraula, Public Services Clerk; Maria
Michelle Sitko, Associate Professor, Library Services; Dr. Peter Spader, Professor of Philosophy;
and Margaret Leombruni, Foreign Language Department for their constant support.
Interpreting Common Misunderstandings that Occur between the French and Americans
for the Purpose of Promoting Intercultural Understanding
Maria Alena Scavone
Unfamiliarity with French cultural norms when visiting abroad is a factor which
inevitably contributes to misunderstandings between Americans and the French. Cultural
misunderstandings lead to stereotypes which hinder the potential for the improvement of
intercultural exchange on a person to person level. Sufficient knowledge of France’s less visible
aspects of culture (rules of proper etiquette, social norms, French perceptions) will promote
understanding between the French and American people, provide opportunities to share and
further understand aspects of each other’s culture, and guide Americans who wish to enjoy a visit
to France without offending or being offended.
Those who are visiting a foreign country judge that culture according to the norms and
rules of etiquette governing their native culture, a natural and unintentional mistake.
Sociologists call this practice ethnocentrism (Tischler 57). Metaphorically, the native culture is
often a barrier for people trying to comprehend a new culture.
Interculturalists often use the iceberg metaphor to describe culture. In this
metaphor, as in reality, only 10 percent of the iceberg is visible above the waterline,
while 90 percent remains hidden. The visible part of culture (also called “big C culture”)
includes obvious elements such as art, literature, music, dance, traditional dress, and
cuisine – all the things that make a visit to a foreign culture different and interesting.
The invisible part of the iceberg (“small c culture”) becomes apparent only after
an extended period of living or working in another culture. In fact, the part we can’t see
is where we are most likely to founder. Here is where we run headlong into different
values, beliefs, assumptions, notions of morality, and, in general, rules about what is and
is not done, what is and is not appropriate. (Asselin xv)
Equipped with knowledge of the “small c culture,” visitors will be able to judge with more
clarity the confusing circumstances in which they may find themselves. The following analyses
of common misunderstandings that occur between the French and Americans are intended to
build a bridge of understanding between people who have deeply ingrained differing
perspectives.
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As a student who attended a six week study abroad program during the summer of 2006
at L’Université de Pau located in the Aquitaine region of southern France, I earned six credits
toward my bachelor’s degree in French. Living in France provided me with opportunities to
participate and personally observe the circumstances in which cultural misunderstandings may
develop between Americans and the French. These experiences will be recounted to demonstrate
the way in which two different socially acceptable behaviors can conflict when each party lacks
knowledge of the other.
Upon returning from my study abroad, I began researching frequently occurring cultural
misunderstandings and discovering the deeper meaning of French behaviors that are too often
misconstrued by Americans as arrogant and rude. Valuable information supporting the fact that
Americans and the French can cooperate if each understands and respects existing culture
defining differences has been provided by authors as diverse as Jean-Benoît Nadeau and Julie
Barlow who have lived in France and Harriet Welty Rochefort who is currently living in France.
Polly Platt is an educator who designs and presents cross-cultural training sessions for
Americans moving to France. Business executives, Gilles Asselin and Ruth Mastron, wrote a
book specifically for people who want to “figure out the French.” Anthropologist and
sociologist, Raymonde Carroll, studied misunderstandings between the French and Americans
and has provided an insightful reference. The current President of France, Monsieur le Président
Nicholas Sarkozy, believes in maintaining positive international relations between the United
States and France as stated in his 2006 publication Testimony.
American tourists who wait more than an hour in a French restaurant before the server
takes their order, or who ask directions of a stranger on the street and receive a cold stare in
response, should care to understand why they were treated in this way, rather than returning
home with stories that validate the stereotype, “The French really are so very rude.” Harriet
Welty Rochefort remarks, “It may be hard to figure out why the French, and especially the
Parisians, act as they do, but if you’re a tourist, you probably don’t really care” (72). However,
she continues to say that people who are moving to France should try to understand certain
things like the rules of politesse (politeness). Whether planning a short visit or a longer stay,
visitors to France hope to enjoy themselves and will find that caring about “why the French act
as they do” is a step closer toward becoming socially accepted and appropriately treated with
politesse.
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Discovering that our own behavior is a possible reason for the inhumane treatment we
receive abroad is difficult to accept. We as Americans have been learning the norms and values
of our culture since the day we were born. To continue to act “American” outside the United
States feels completely natural…until we realize that non-Americans do not respond to us in the
same manner that other Americans do. The reactions we receive are often hurtful. Our
intentions are often misinterpreted. Learning the norms of another culture will facilitate
communication and understanding and will allow us to see the world through a new and different
perspective. Behavior that was previously viewed as offensive will no longer be considered rude
when social customs are properly understood.
The Language Barrier
The main barrier that separates Americans and the French is the language barrier. The
French possess an immense pride in their language. In fact, the Académie Française, an
institution founded by Cardinal Duc De Richelieu for the purpose of preserving the French
language and established under the reign of King Louis XIII in 1635, still exists today (Asselin
38). The preservation of the French language extends to the preservation of the French culture
and unity among French people.
Many people when visiting abroad assume that the tour guide will be bilingual and
underestimate the importance of attempting to speak the language. In Paris many individuals
speak English, either fluently or to some degree, but in other French cities people who speak
English are not easily found. The benefits of learning the French language transform an
individual from a curious observer to an active participant. Language acquisition reduces
alienation and estrangement while increasing independence and the ability to participate in
everyday activities with ease and confidence. Steve Skoczylas, vice-president in charge of
business control at the Paris office of J.P. Morgan, Inc., agreed that his knowledge of French
helped him work more effectively with his French co-workers. “France was that much more
beautiful and enjoyable because we could communicate. All those hours and effort spent on
studying French were abundantly worth it” (Platt 235).
Beginning a second language for adults may be a difficult task. As the critical-age
hypothesis states, the ability to acquire language is biologically based, and language is most
easily learned from birth to middle childhood (Fromkin 53). Learning a second language for an
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adult is, therefore, a battle against the restrictions imposed by the human brain. Second language
learners must rely on memorization and intense grammar study (Fromkin 346). Adult learners
should realize that the slow rate of progression in learning a second language is normal and
should continue to practice patiently.
Although challenging, second language acquisition is not impossible and can be achieved
independently. Barron’s Learn French the Fast and Fun Way is a beginner’s book that focuses
on vocabulary and pronunciation. Barron’s also has a cassette program that is called Pronounce
it Perfectly in French. Traveler’s French CD’s by the Institute for Language Study is a good
auditory program that teaches phrases needed by tourists. For intermediate and advanced
learners of French, The Ultimate French Review and Practice: Mastering French Grammar for
Confident Communication book and CD is an excellent program. French courses can also be
taken as audit courses at universities if you find the classroom a more effective place to learn.
It may seem at first that honest attempts to communicate in French are returned with
coldness. This response should not deter you from continuing to try your best at French. Even a
French person who speaks English fluently may resist using English to communicate with
strangers. It all depends on the way in which you present yourself. Travelers should avoid
approaching a French stranger and immediately addressing him or her in English, even when
they may have heard the French person speak English. The French are offended by this
behavior, interpreting it as presumptuous and arrogant. In effect, he or she will be less willing to
help. You are in France, and an attempt to communicate in French will show that you respect
their country. This gesture will earn a better response than assuming their knowledge of English.
The French may even correct your errors seeing that you are learning. This should be taken as a
compliment. They are making the effort to help you improve your French. “Foreigners are
forgiven everything except not trying at all. But do give it your best. You’ll have a lot more fun
if you understand what people are saying. And you’ll get a lot more smiles” (Platt 162).
What matters most is to present yourself in a manner which demonstrates that you have
some knowledge of French rules of politesse (civility, politeness). This will determine how you
are treated in response to your request.
While studying French grammar and conversation in Pau, I began to contemplate the very
real effects of culture shock as a college student on a foreign campus. Tischler defines culture
shock as “the difficulty people have adjusting to a new culture that differs markedly from their
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own” (57). I was only just beginning to realize how different the French culture is. During a
ten-minute break from our French language course, a classmate and I went to the on-campus
café, La Vague. I addressed the waitress, “Bonjour, un café au lait, s’il vous plaît.” She walked
away. My colleague reminded me, “Maria, vous n’avez pas dit, ‘Bonjour, madame.’ Vous
n’avez pas dit, ‘Je voudrais.’ ” “Maria, you didn’t say, ‘Hello, madame.’ You didn’t say, ‘I
would like.’ ” The lady did not make my café au lait. I suddenly realized the importance of
formality when requesting assistance or service. By American standards the manner in which I
had placed my order would not have been considered inappropriate, “Hello, a coffee please.”
But in France, people come first. When interacting with another human being, more effort and
time is expected than just, “hi, give me this.” This interaction comprises more than just buying a
coffee. Respect and recognition of the person who will be serving you is essential before asking
for what you would like.
Little French children learn that the proper way to address adults is to say, “Bonjour,
madame” to a lady and “Bonjour, monsieur” to a gentleman. When addressing a group of ladies
it is appropriate to say, “Bonjour, mesdames” and “Bonjour, messieurs” to a group of gentlemen.
Never is it acceptable to say, “Bonjour, m’sieurs, dames” as an abbreviation (Rochefort 83-84).
When placing an order, it is customary to greet the server or shopkeeper appropriately
and to say thank you (merci) and goodbye (au revoir, madame or monsieur) when leaving.
When asking for assistance, it is polite to say, “Je voudrais…” “I would like…” Here you can
use your language skills to form a complete sentence. Je voudrais un café, s’il vous plaît. (I
would like a coffee, please.) Je voudrais voir ce chemisier, s’il vous plaît. (I would like to see
that blouse, please.)
My next visit to La Vague was pleasantly different. I greeted the same lady, “Bonjour,
Madame,” without hesitation. “Je voudrais un café, s’il vous plaît.” She served me
immediately.
Say the Magic Words
Interactions among people in France are full of codes, virtually invisible and unknown to
the foreigner. “Foreigners who know the codes, however, immediately shed most of their
foreignness” (Platt 31). When it is necessary to approach a French stranger for information or
directions, the following sentence is the first step in communicating your need for assistance:
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“Excusez-moi de vous déranger, monsieur (or madame), mais j’ai un problème” or, “Excuse me
for disturbing you, Sir (or Madam), but I have a problem” (Platt 33). This humble request should
have earned you the person’s attention. Now you can continue to explain your need in French.
In most cases, visitors will need directions. For example, “Où est l’Arc de Triomphe?” “Where
is the Arc de Triomphe?” “Où est la pharmacie?” “Where is the pharmacy?”
By asking for directions you have begun an exchange relationship with this person. You
have chosen this person because by observation you have found him or her reliable, and the
French person will generally take your request seriously. If the person does not know the answer
to the question, he or she will very likely recruit the help of a third party rather than leave the
inquiring person to fend for himself. In this case, it is polite to wait for a final response and not
to leave before receiving one (Carroll 117). Once an answer is received, it is expected that the
inquirer follow the directions, or risk having the French person prolong the encounter to correct
any error. If the inquirer goes straight rather than in the direction given, the French person may
follow and indicate the correct path (Carroll 118).
In America people say “I don’t know” when they don’t know the answer to an inquiry.
In France it is shameful to admit ignorance on a subject (Nadeau 66). Thus, the phrase “I don’t
know” is not often heard in general conversation. “I don’t know” in response to an inquiry could
be interpreted as the person’s refusal to participate in the exchange unless followed by some
reasonable excuse such as, “I’m not from the area” (Carroll 117).
“The obligation to play a role in this system of exchange can go so far as to push certain
people to give information even if they are not qualified to do so, thus signifying that it is more
important to answer (and thus to accept the relationship proposed) than to answer correctly”
(Carroll 118). If wrong information is given, socially the fault falls upon the person who gave
the directions, not upon the inquirer. This explains why the excuse, “they gave me the wrong
information,” is heard often and is quite valid when explaining why a mistake was made (Carroll
118). Incorrect information may be given if no third party is available to consult at the time. In
this case follow the directions given until the person who gave the wrong information is out of
sight, and then seek someone else to ask.
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Non (No)
Sometimes, to get what you need, persuasion is in order. Traditionally in the United
States the customer is always right, and Americans expect courteous service. In France the rule
in stores may as well be, “the customer is always wrong.” Being nice to people you don’t know
is not the rule. The French store clerk may show indifference to your request, or the hotel
receptionist may abruptly respond, “Non, there are no rooms available,” before you even
complete your inquiry. This is not the time to take this answer at face value as Americans do,
because non often has underlying meanings, such as, “I’m tired and can’t think right now”
(Taylor 40). This is another form of exchange that has rules. Remember, you are asking the
assistance of another human being, so try to relate personally. The way to react is to explain
your dilemma. It may take some time, but don’t be afraid to assertively defend yourself verbally.
This means calmly explaining your needs in a persistent manner. You have to persuade them to
give you a room. French people enjoy being entertained. If possible, make your story amusing.
“But you see, we missed our train and can’t leave until tomorrow.” Always remember politesse,
and be careful not to begin a serious verbal confrontation. The French will not hesitate to argue
with you. Stay within the limits of your language skills or risk losing your room for the night!
Ordinary exchanges may require persuasion. To change my dollars to euro, I had to go to
the post office in downtown Pau and present my passport and student identification card. Each
time money was exchanged, the post office deducted five euro as an exchange fee. I exchanged
the maximum allowance each time which was $300. The first and second time, the teller was a
young man in his twenties who made the exchange without any questions. The third time, the
teller was a man in his thirties. He told me that they would only change $200. I was slightly
startled, but without showing my annoyance replied, “Mais, la dernière fois…” “But last
time…” Before I could finish the sentence, the gentleman took my $300 and made the exchange.
Knowing the rules regarding money exchange and the rules of the “person-to-person exchange
game” is an asset when your knowledge of French codes is tested.
Non-Verbal Communication Errors
When language skills are at a beginner’s or basic level, people sometimes tend to rely on
body language in order to communicate. However, non-verbal communication, like language,
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derives its meaning from its culture and may lead to further misunderstanding. Visitors to a
foreign country should be informed of body language that is inappropriate or interpreted
differently in the new culture.
Non-verbal communication, as small as the gesture may be, can lead to confusing
circumstances. The way in which the French indicate numbers is different from the American
way. Americans generally indicate the quantity “one” by holding up the index finger. Two is
the index finger and middle finger. Three is the index, middle, and ring finger, and four adds the
pinky finger to the previous three. The thumb is only used with the other four fingers to indicate
five. In a shop in France, an American may confuse the shopkeeper when indicating how many
of an item he wants, if relying solely on body language, because, “When counting, the French
normally begin with the thumb, then the index finger, etc. For instance, the thumb, index, and
middle fingers are held up to indicate the number three, as a child might indicate when asked
his/her age” (Oates 3). If indicating that you would like to purchase two of something, use the
thumb and index finger, not the peace sign.
The OK sign is to be avoided. Although some now use it to mean “alright,” its original
French meaning is “zero” or “worthless” (Taylor 64). To agree with someone, you can say,
“Bon” or “d’accord.”
The smile is another non-verbal expression that can, also, cause misunderstandings.
Americans love to smile. They smile at their family, friends, pets, and even (this is a shocker for
the French) complete strangers. For Americans, smiling shows that we are pleasant people.
Smiling is an essential non-verbal form of communication in American societies,
expressing more than Americans themselves may realize. For Americans, a smile indicates a
person’s intent or his state of mind. For example, Americans smile upon making a new
acquaintance to convey that they are friendly, congenial, and willing to communicate. In this
instance the smile is an acknowledgement of the person you are meeting. The exception occurs
in large cities in the United States where native city dwellers will avoid eye contact and smiling
to avoid beginning a conversation with strangers (Tischler 110).
In another scenario, an American is taking a walk and happens to make eye contact with
a person sitting on the front porch of his home. The passer-by smiles briefly, immediately turns
his head and continues on his way. In this instance, the smile indicates that the person doesn’t
mean any harm and is going about his business (Platt 25).
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For Americans abroad in France, smiling is not always the appropriate way to respond in
particular situations. While the French public face may be interpreted as unpleasant and overly
serious by Americans, the French interpret the American smile to be insincere and superficial.
Americans frequently smile at everyone. The French need a reason to smile, making a smile
from a French national something to be earned.
The key is in knowing when to refrain from smiling. The French do not smile at
strangers on the street, or on the bus, or simply because their eyes happen to meet someone
else’s. Wandering around the streets of Paris, grinning at everyone passing by, will cause the
French to wonder at your aptitude of intelligence or even question your mental health.
For strangers to smile at each other in Paris, there has to be some kind of incident
involving them both, and not just stumbling into someone’s stare. Smiles usually come if
you bump into each other by mistake, and they come instantly if you’re both caught in
the same pickle (two cyclists pedaling down a one-way street the wrong way, suddenly
confronted with advancing policemen), or if he rescued you from one…that is, if you
weren’t smiling beatifically to begin with. You have to be in sync, deadpan, as you
navigate through Paris streets, if you want to play this game, and Parisians are playing
games all day – but only with other deadpans. The key is that the face changes. If you
were smiling to begin with, where is the fun? Where is the recognition of complicity?
(Platt 25)
Contrary to American norms, the French do not smile when meeting someone for the first time,
or even the fourth and fifth times. Polly Platt’s French son-in-law explains their reasoning,
“When I am introduced to another man, if he smiles, then I think to myself he is one of three
things: he is making fun of me, he is hypocritical or he’s very stupid….If it’s a woman I’m
meeting for the first time and she smiles at me, there’s a fourth possibility – she wants to flirt.”
Cautionary note: French men don’t hide their stares when they see a woman they find
attractive. American women are usually uncomfortable with this sort of attention. Unwanted
advances can be warded off by keeping a serious face and going about your business. Women
should not smile at strange men on the street or greet them first. This can be interpreted as
soliciting, depending on the locale.
Almost ironically, not smiling can produce a smile. I received a number of smiles from
French strangers unexpectedly. On one occasion, my fellow study abroad students and I were
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walking in the public garden in Pau, France. I saw a small brown lizard near a pool of water and
wanted his picture, but he was camera shy and ran away from me. He threw himself into the
pool of water and escaped my camera. I looked up to see a young woman sitting on a bench
nearby and smiling, nearly ready to laugh at my fuss over not getting the photo. In a culture
where smiles are coveted, Americans soon come to appreciate a smile when it is given.
Privacy
The French way of interacting with strangers is often perceived by Americans as being
unfriendly (froid, inamical) and mistrustful (méfiant). This general attitude should not be taken
personally. It is simply a part of the French way of being, and is not without reason. Some
theories suggest that the many invasions of French soil throughout history have profoundly
influenced French suspicion of foreigners as well as other French people unknown to them.
Ferocious things have been happening to French people since they first started living in
the six-sided geographical shape that French first-graders learn to call the Hexagon.
Ruthless strangers invaded their earliest ancestors, the Celts, from all sides, starting with
Julius Caesar. After about 300 years of Roman occupation, savage barbarians from the
East began hundreds of years of burning, pillaging and raping. The Goths, Visigoths,
Franks, Burgundians and most terrifying of all, the Huns, came in wave after wave,
followed in the 8th and 9th centuries by the fearsome Vikings from the North. The
Hexagon didn’t fare much better from the English in the 14th century: The Hundred Years
War meant nothing less than another century of raping, pillaging, burning. Three
German invasions in 70 years, between 1870 and 1940, did not help to make the French
foreigner-friendly. (Platt 30-31)
For the French, strangers must first prove themselves trustworthy (Rochefort 45). Polly
Platt almost jokingly stresses “stranger (étranger) means danger (danger).” Ironically, the words
rhyme, both in French and English. Her French son-in-law explains, “That person is a stranger
until you know him. One must be on one’s guard with strangers” (27).
These attitudes parallel the French concept of privacy. As the French guard their smiles,
they are also very reserved with strangers and very open with family and close friends, who are
treated as if they were family members. These are the people with whom they share their
concerns, problems, emotions, and sorrows. If you do not fall into that category, a French person
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will not likely share any personal information, perhaps not even his or her first name, which for
Americans is the first item of information that is shared when making an acquaintance. You may
actually spend a good deal of time with a French person and still never learn his name (Asselin
33).
Americans will introduce themselves and begin conversation with the person sitting next
to them on a bus or plane, sometimes discussing rather personal topics such as family problems.
The French are hesitant to begin conversations with those they do not know since conversation
commits them to another person. When two French friends meet on the street, and the first
friend is with companions unknown to the second friend, the first may not formally introduce his
other friends to the second friend. “Preserving one’s intimate circle and privacy is at the core of
French culture” (Asselin 57).
French attitudes concerning privacy can be understood by observing a French house.
French homes are situated in close proximity to one another. Many have tall locked gates in the
front, clearly protecting the house from the street. The windows have shutters which are used to
assert the fact that the home is private and not for public audiences (Carroll 13-14).
Misunderstandings can occur when American guests are invited to a French home. In the
United States hosts generally give their guests a tour of the house on a first visit. This courtesy is
intended to make the guests feel welcome and to save them the embarrassment of asking the
location of the bathroom.
The French do not give house tours and, without understanding the intended meaning,
interpret this American custom as “showing off” (Carroll 14). Guests are expected to remain in
the room where the host and hostess will be entertaining. Usually this will be the dining room or
living room. Wandering freely around the house is not permitted. If the hostess leaves to check
something in the kitchen or another room, don’t follow (Carroll 14).
At informal parties in the United States, Americans will take the initiative to help their
host by offering to assist and by helping themselves. As a guest in a French home, this type of
behavior is intrusive. Raymonde Carroll explains:
Dick and Jill are invited to dinner at Pierre and Jeanne’s. The conversation becomes
lively during cocktails. Pierre speaks enthusiastically about a book he thinks would
interest Dick a great deal. He has it in fact, and goes to look for it in his study. He is
taken aback, as he heads toward the room, when he realizes that Dick is following him.
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Jeanne goes to the kitchen to check if something is burning. She is just as taken aback
when she sees Jill walk in right behind her. Jill offers to help. “No, no thank you,
everything is ready…” Or at the end of the meal, Jill gets up to clear the table and carries
the dishes into the kitchen, or else Dick offers to do the dishes. Pierre and Jeanne protest;
if they are unfamiliar with American habits, they might very well consider Jill and Dick
to be “intrusive” or “inconsiderate,” or they might be “ashamed” that Dick or Jill has seen
the rooms “in a terrible mess.” (“But what could I do? I wasn’t expecting him to follow
me all over the house, I didn’t know how to stop him.”) In fact, it would have sufficed to
say “I’ll be back in a minute” for Dick not to have gotten up, for him not to have felt
obliged to accompany Pierre because Pierre was going out of his way for him. (14)
French hosts expect to serve their guests. If the American guest needs a second hand towel, he
should ask rather than looking through the French host’s cabinets. If the American guest would
like to help, he should first offer to help (knowing that the host may refuse) before automatically
clearing the table or hurrying into the kitchen to do the dishes. The guest’s main purpose is to
provide interesting conversation!
Modulate Your Voice
As in the home, the French try to maintain their privacy in public. Causing a scene and
drawing attention to oneself through the display of inappropriate behavior is an unacceptable
infringement on the privacy of others and will label you as mal élevé (poorly raised).
Leaving the shopping center in Pau one Saturday afternoon, a little girl approximately
three or four years of age was crying loudly and clinging to her mother. An American parent
would probably tell the child to be quiet. Perhaps the parent would even raise his voice. Her
French father said in a firm, reprimanding voice, but not shouting, “Listen to all that noise you
are making!” In stating his reprimand, the father was making the child aware that she was acting
inappropriately by drawing attention to herself and that others could hear her cries from some
distance and were being disturbed by them. Most shops are closed on Saturday afternoon. The
only other people outside the entrance to the shopping center were my friend and I. Even so, the
father had to correct his child’s inappropriate behavior which would not be regarded kindly by
passersby.
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Conversations between people in public are private. In restaurants, the ideal is to speak
in a tone of voice which only your conversation partner can hear. Diners whose voices can be
heard at other tables will be judged harshly (Taylor 5). An example of the acceptable volume of
speech in a restaurant can be seen in the internationally renowned French film Amélie. The
scene takes place in Mme Suzanne’s café, Les deux moulins. Mme Suzanne is speaking casually
with two of the customers about a topic she read in the news. Her voice is about one level above
a whisper.
Table Manners
While on the subject of restaurants, there are some differences regarding table manners
that should be noted when dining in a French restaurant. First and foremost, if you need the
server’s attention, say, “S’il vous plait.” Do not call the waiter “garçon.” The proper place to
rest your hands is on the table, not on your lap according to Anglo Saxon custom. This signifies
that you are going to take place in dinner conversation. Don’t eat anything with your hands, not
even pizza. The French cut their pizza and fruit into pieces and eat it with a knife and fork. Use
your knife and fork to fold large salad leaves. Do not cut them. As delicious as the sauce from
your meal may be, don’t clean the plate with bread, even if the bread is on a fork. Remember to
drink in moderation. Public drunkenness is frowned upon (Rochefort 85-86).
Physical Proximity
During the first week of studies in Pau, I joined a group of fifteen United Studies Abroad
Consortium (USAC) students for dinner. This didn’t seem unusual until we saw the size of the
restaurants. Everything in France is sized down. Restaurants, apartments, and sidewalks will
seem cramped to an American who is accustomed to plenty of personal space. The restaurants
were comparable to the size of an American diner. The chairs and tables were small and place
settings appeared to accommodate a maximum of four people. None could support a party of
fifteen average sized, lively, friendly, talkative, young Americans. Realizing that we couldn’t
possibly dine together at the same restaurant, we formed groups of five or six, which were still
rather large groups, and went to different restaurants within the same block. We learned to adapt
for the rest of our stay in France. Think small and economical.
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It may appear that close physical proximity to strangers can present a dilemma when
trying to maintain one’s privacy in public. Because of the size of shops, cafés, sidewalks, and
the popularity of public transportation, namely, the metro system, French people often find
themselves physically close to strangers…too close for American comfort.
Americans define their relationships with other people by the amount of space there is
between them. In general, the less space there is between individuals, the closer their
relationship. For the American, silence could be interpreted as suggestive when in situations
that force him or her to be in close proximity with a stranger. If the American is unable to move
away from the stranger, putting physical space between them which displays that there is no
personal relationship between them, the American may resort to beginning non-committal
conversation to affirm the distance (Carroll 32).
For the French, conversation defines relationships. The closer the relationship with
someone, the more you will talk since conversing is an affirmation of the ties you share. Silence
between people is what creates distance, not necessarily physical space (Carroll 32). The Paris
metro during rush hour presents a somewhat comical scene to American observers. Everyone is
packed like sardines for painstaking minutes at a time between stops. Someone bumps you,
challenging the limits of the one quarter inch or less of precious space you still have to yourself,
and either ignores that it ever happened or says dryly, “Pardon.” People don’t make an issue of
minor accidental physical contact. Everyone looks unbreakably serious, and if it weren’t for the
noise made by the subway, you could hear a pin drop.
French attitudes regarding space are reflected in the way the French maneuver their
vehicles. When in France, I was shocked to observe a person parallel parking and nearly touch
the front bumper of the car behind him with the back bumper of his car. It seemed there was
hardly a millimeter of space between the two vehicles.
Making Conversation – It’s an Art
Conversation, more than a method of transmitting and receiving information, is highly
regarded as a form of art. If there is one aspect of French culture that baffles Americans most, it
is probably conversation. The French have become masters of rhetoric, defined by Webster as
the art of speaking or writing effectively. French students are expected to meet high standards in
this area of study. In 12th grade, students study philosophy, challenging their minds to reason
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and analyze (Nadeau 62). René Descartes (1596-1650) was a French philosopher and
mathematician who developed Cartesianism, a method the French use to analyze problems. The
focus is mostly on the analysis. “The method requires a person to think in a rational way….The
Cartesian method also requires that all elements of a problem and its solution be thoroughly
mapped out before any action is taken. Intellectual mastery of the situation is what matters”
(Asselin 147-148). The Cartesian method trains many French conversationalists who often
leave Americans speechless.
American businessmen who take part in French meetings often perceive that the French
overanalyze. Nothing is ever accomplished in meetings, and questions never really get
answered. The French are actually practicing what they have been taught since grade school.
Analyze until the perfect answer or solution is found, then act. The same analysis takes place in
conversation. Direct answers to questions are not always the result when Cartesian logic is a
factor.
The French tend to communicate in a way that can seem indirect to Americans. Harriet
Welty Rochefort gives an example:
Your neighbor’s radio is driving you nuts and you want to do something about it. As an
American, I would go to the person and say, “Could you please turn your radio down?”
A French person with manners would phrase it differently. “Have you moved your
radio? I never used to hear it before.” The person, if he or she is French, will get the
hint. (73)
Be careful not to confuse this tactic with saying the opposite of what you mean. Find a creative,
non-condescending way to say what you want.
The main purpose of conversation is entertainment. This tradition goes back to the court
at Versailles where, if you had wit, you had a place at court. Conversation is a game, an
exchange, an opportunity to show your mastery of rhetoric, a chance to tell an original joke,
recite poetry, but never to let the conversation become boring. Carroll compares it to tossing a
ball. Long, detailed responses are for very serious conversations which would hardly be
considered appropriate at a party where the group actively participates in the conversation.
Interruptions, which are extremely rude in American conversations, occur constantly and serve
as a way to keep the conversation interesting, or the ball moving (36). No insults are intended,
as is understood by those who know the rules of the game.
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The French style of speech may sound very poetical to foreign ears, resembling written
language. People use metaphors to explain their points and aim at saying something clever or
creative. René Clément directed five year old Brigitte Fossey in a film called Jeux Interdits
(Forbidden Games). Fifteen years later at age twenty, Fossey decided to return to the world of
acting. In an interview which aired December 1967 for the French TV program “Magazine de la
jeune fille” the interviewer asked Clément, “Usually it takes years for a young actress to make a
name for herself. Don’t you think you’ve helped Brigitte Fossey by making her famous with
your film?” Brigitte spontaneously responded, “He certainly did. It’s obvious.” Clément said to
her, “If I helped you in any way, it was as if I gave you a key for the future, and that’s all. I hope
I did.” Later on, the interviewer asked, “Brigitte, do you feel you owe your choice of profession
to René Clément?” Here there was a slight pause. Clément and the interviewer were waiting
intently for her answer. Finally she said, “I owe him my gratitude for giving me this key, now
that I’ve chosen this profession. But if I hadn’t chosen to return to it, it would simply be another
lost key.” Clément nodded. He was clearly satisfied with this answer. Her response referred to
Clément’s earlier statement about the key. Her answer was an indirect compliment to Clément.
By choosing to continue her acting career as an adult, Brigitte Fossey did not waste the
experience she gained working under the direction of René Clément on Jeux Interdits.
French conversations may appear to become heated and violent to Americans who
generally like to maintain a sense of agreement and peace in their conversations. However, the
French want to hear differing opinions. Vive la différence! This keeps conversation interesting
(Asselin 18). Even differing opinions between couples are not considered signs of an impending
end to their relationship. In fact, people may think something to be wrong with a couple who
appears to be in perfect agreement (Carroll 64).
For the sake of avoiding further misunderstanding, it is important to realize that certain
topics of conversation are taboo. Names, as was mentioned previously, are considered private
information among new acquaintances. Questions about an acquaintance’s occupation, age, and
salary are intrusive, even at a casual party (Taylor 172). Freely talk about art, technology,
philosophy, politics, the education system, vacations and anything that could prompt analysis
and present differing views. Show that you have knowledge about current world affairs, and
don’t be afraid to defend your point of view. That’s part of the game.
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When you receive a compliment from a French person, you can be assured that they truly
mean it. Don’t respond by saying simply, “merci.” In the United States we are taught to say,
“thank you,” out of respect for the person who gave the compliment. In France, “merci” could
be interpreted as a smug response, “Yes, thank you, I agree” (Taylor 76). A more appropriate
response, if a French person should perhaps compliment your French, would be, “That is very
kind of you. I’m happy you think so.” “Vous êtes très gentil/gentille. Je suis content(e) que
vous pensiez.” This response shows that you appreciate and value their opinion.
After a relaxing weekend spent on a beautiful beach in the lovely quaint town of St. Jean
de Luz, situated in the Aquitaine region of France near the Spanish border, our group of five
University Studies Abroad Consortium students were returning to Pau. The train had a
connection in Bayonne allowing us only six minutes to rush from one train to the next. We stood
on the platform waiting for our connection to Pau to appear, but it did not take long for us to
realize that we had undoubtedly missed it. The only appropriate thing to do was to explain the
situation to the ticket master at the station in Bayonne. He looked at our tickets, and seeing that
our connection to Pau had left before we had arrived, gave us new tickets for the next train to
Pau. No questions asked. We couldn’t have been more pleased.
On our return train to Pau, the conductor asked to see our tickets. I handed him the
tickets for our group. As he checked the tickets the conductor asked, “De quel pays venezvous?” “From what country are you?” I answered, “Les Etats Unis.” “The United States.”
“Oh,” he continued, “Je ne les aime pas.” “I don’t like them.” His demeanor seemed to be
serious with an element of jest. His opinion definitely appeared offensive. Unsure how to
respond, I said nothing. He returned our tickets and said in a more sincere tone, “Bienvenue en
France.” “Welcome to France.”
This particular conversation summarized the relationship that has existed between
citizens of the French and American cultures since the foundation of the United States. Members
of each country constantly deny that they like the other. Each criticizes the other for its rudeness
and arrogance. In reality, each has an almost unexplainable fascination with the other. French
children and young adults want to learn about the American way of life (Sarkozy 194).
Americans pack their bags and move to France. “The American Chamber of Commerce in
Herbert Hoover’s time, in 1927, figured in some way not fully explained that there were 15,000
Americans living in Paris. Perhaps, it was pointed out, they were only counting people doing
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business in Paris, not artists. The police said there were 35,000 Americans residing in Paris in
1927” (Longstreet 377). In July of 1999 according to a list compiled by the Bureau of Consular
Affairs, there were 75,000 Americans living in Paris, not including United States government
military and nonmilitary employees and their dependents.
I wondered, “How much of his comment was sarcasm? Was the conductor simply jesting
about an age-old stereotype regarding French and Americans attitudes toward one another?”
Most Americans would probably interpret his comment as translated literally, “I don’t
like the United States.” However, true meaning of the conductor’s comments can only be
understood and interpreted within the context of the French culture. I now realize that his
remark about not liking my country was a challenge in search of some entertaining response. An
appropriate reply might have been, “Well, I knew that when I got on the plane, but I was
hungry.”
The Past and the Present
Benjamin Franklin’s knowledge and command of language, demonstrated in Poor
Richard’s Almanac, gave him an advantage as Commissioner appointed by the Continental
Congress to the Court of France (Longstreet 23). Being well-traveled for his time, Franklin was
the ideal candidate for this position. His job was to form an alliance with France in the
American Revolution against England. France was also on the verge of a revolution. Franklin
became a hero for the common people who were starving and becoming increasingly angry with
the royal family. Benjamin Franklin was a figure of liberty, and paupers cheered him as he
passed in the street. Intellectuals admired his intelligence (27).
The representation of Benjamin Franklin began an alliance between France and the
United States which has lasted since the foundation of the United States. The current President
of France, Nicholas Sarkozy, mentions that France and the United States of America have never
been to war against one another (193). As the French are deeply connected to their past, M. le
Président remembers this strong alliance:
I stand by France’s friendship with the United States, I’m proud of it, and I have
no intention of apologizing for feeling an affinity with the greatest democracy in the
world….
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France and America are bound together by unbreakable historical links. People
often forget that the Revolutionary War, which led to the creation of the United States,
was long and difficult and that its outcome was uncertain for some time. But France was
right there at America’s side for the decisive battle of Yorktown in 1781, and it was a
young Frenchman, Lafayette, who led the final attack on the English camp….
In the twentieth century, it was America’s turn to protect France’s freedom on
several occasions. In 1917 and again in 1944 hundreds of thousands of young Americans
crossed the Atlantic to pull Europe back from the verge of collective suicide. The French
cannot forget that it was the Americans who liberated them from Nazi barbarity and who
put an end to the bloodletting that this regime inflicted on the whole of Europe….the
Americans have been, are, and will remain our friends and allies. (193-195)
As a proponent of improved relations between the people of America and the people of
France, my hope is that through understanding basic differences in these two cultures our
comprehension of one another will extend from the personal to the international level. Through
improved understanding of social norms and cultural customs, stereotyping will no longer inhibit
the Americans and the French from cooperating and interacting respectfully, ultimately working
together as we have historically. If we learn how to work together effectively, we will be able to
appreciate the best qualities of each other, learn from them, and improve ourselves. Denial of
our own culture is not the goal, but respect and understanding of social differences that make a
nation beautiful can enrich our appreciation of diverse global communities.
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Works Cited
Amélie. Dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Perf. Audrey Tautou. Miramax Zoë Films, Claude Ossard, and
UGC, 2001.
Asselin, Gilles, and Ruth Mastron. Au Contraire! Figuring Out the French. Yarmouth, ME:
Intercultural Press, Inc., 2001.
Carroll, Raymonde. Cultural Misunderstandings: The French-American Experience. Trans.
Carol Volk. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, 1988.
Fromkin, Victoria, Robert Rodman, and Nina Hyams. An Introduction to Language. 8th edition.
Boston, MA: Thomson Wadsworth, 2007.
JeuxIinterdits. Dir. René Clément. Brigitte Fossey and Georges Poujouly. Studio Canal, 1952.
Longstreet, Stephen. We All Went to Paris: Americans in the City of Light 1776-1971. New
York: Barnes & Noble Books, 2004.
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Love France, But Not the French). Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks, Inc., 2003.
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Updated and Expanded 3rd ed. London: Culture Crossings, 2003.
Rochefort, Harriet Welty. French Toast: An American in Paris Celebrates the Maddening
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Sarkozy, Nicholas. Testimony: France, Europe, and the World in the Twenty-first Century.
Trans. Philip H. Gordon. New York: HarperPerennial, 2007.
Taylor, Sally Adamson. CULTURESHOCK! A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette:
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