Go to Heaven?
The pastor preached about the beautiful kingdom of
heaven and asked the congregation, “How many of you
would like to go to heaven from here?”
Everybody raised up their hands except a little lad
sitting just in front of him.
“Don't you want to go to heaven son?” he asked.
“My mother seriously warned me not to go anywhere
from here, but to come back home,” replied the boy.
UFO
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas
station on a lonely country road.
On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station
attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of
him.
"Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he
asked.
"No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds, "It
stands for "Unleaded Fuel Only."
Page 25
About Canada
These questions about Canada were posted on an International
Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow
Canuck.
Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
watching them die.
Fast, Reliable & Professional ~ Commercial & Residential
Loading & Clean-Up (inc. home, office, yard)
Old Appliance & Furniture Removal
Construction & Reno Debris Removal ~ 24/7, 7 Days/Week.
Locally Owned & Operated.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send
me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax?
(UK)
A: Do you want a few hundred pages to look through?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Canada?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Ca-na-da is that big country to your north . . . oh forget it. Sure,
the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get
here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every
Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the
hippo races.
Page 26
Very Sad News
Submitted By Brian Hildebran
There will be no Nativity Scene in
Ottawa this year! The Supreme
Court has ruled that there cannot be
a Nativity Scene in Canada's capital
this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason,
they simply have not been able to
find three wise men in the nation's
capitol.
P.S. There was no problem,
however, finding enough jackasses
to fill the stable.
Page 27
Words of Wisdom
from a Child:
Home is where
you can say
anything you like
'cause nobody
listens to
you anyway.
The Best Christmas Gift?
The presence of a happy family
all wrapped up in each other.
For reservations,
Call 403-948-4188
815 East Lake Blvd., Airdrie, AB
Fax: 948-4299
[email protected] ~ www.super8.com
Trivia
Call for a free in home water analysis.
Your water will be tested for Hardness,
Harmful PH, TDS and Chlorine levels as well
as put through an electronic precipitator test.
(403) 923-4279
B.W.S.
BRAYTEL WATER SYSTEMS
Clean, Pure and Soft
7. New York
8. The Christmas Song
9. Leaving on a Jet Plane
10. Piccolo
11. USA
Is Your Drinking Water Safe?
Answers:
1. Yes
2. Miss Fannie Bright
3. Jelly Stone Park
4. Robert J. Ripley
5. Sugarplums
6. Conrad Hilton
Ontario, with 12.5 million people
has the largest population of any of
Canada's provinces. Quebec, with
7.6 million people is next most populous.
1. We all know that Rudolph has a red nose, but does he have
antlers?
2. In the song Jingle Bells, who was seated by my side?
3. Yogi Bear spends his first Christmas in what park?
4. This cartoonist of 'Believe it or not' fame was born
Christmas Day, 1893
5. Round or oval candies filled with fruit preserves or cream
and covered with chocolate are called?
6. This famous hotel magnate was born Dec 25, 1887?
7. The movie 'Miracle on 34th Street' is in what city?
8. In which Christmas song are the lyrics 'to see if reindeer
really know how to fly.'
9. Peter, Paul and Mary had this number 1 hit song during
Christmas 1969.
10. In 'The Dick Van Dyke Show Christmas episode, what
woodwind instrument did Laura play, Flute or Piccolo?
11. Which country created eggnog?
AT SEARS AIRDRIE we're big enough to have what you want…
But small enough to care who you are.
THE BRANDS YOU WANT
AT THE STORE YOU TRUST
Karim Kassam
Plaza One, 400 Main Street
Airdrie, AB T4B 2B3
Page 28
Tel: (403) 948-9345
Fax: (403) 948-3651
Toronto Maple Leafs Awarded Stanley Cup
Canada was stunned Monday when it was announced that The
Stanley Cup will be awarded to the Toronto Maple Leafs,
possibly as early as December 6th.
The cup will be stripped from the 2008 playoff champions the
Detroit Red Wings and be awarded to the Leafs, who didn't even
make the playoffs.
How is this possible, Canadians ask?
Well, the Leafs have formed a coalition with eastern conference
semifinalists the Montreal Canadiens, and conference quarter
finalists the Ottawa Senators, now outnumbering the Red Wings.
According to current Leaf coach Ron Wilson, “the Red Wings
have lost the confidence of the league and should hand the cup
over immediately to our coalition.”
NHL commissioner Gary Bettman is cutting short a European
trip to try to resolve the unprecedented hockey crisis that could
force a second playoff series, or see an opposing team coalition
take the cup.
Page 29
Fear not the
path of truth
1.Where can I find affordable,
Stylish clothing for my 2 year old?
2. Where can I find a reliable and
caring child minder for my baby?
3. Can you provide math help for my nine
year old?
4. Can someone take care of my pet for
5 hours per day?
for the lack
of people
walking on it.
- Arabic
Proverb
Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50 Fahrenheit (10 C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.
5. Do you provide affordable hair cuts?
6. Can you recommend a family oriented
restaurant for myself and my family to
eat at?
40 Fahrenheit (4.4 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Canadians Sunbathe.
7. Which product do you recommend for
my dry skin?
35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down
8. Can you help me buy a home which is
within a walking distance to an elementary school?
32 Fahrenheit (0 C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.
If you answered “YES”,
you are invited to advertise your business in
the local Apni Generation
“parenting today for tomorrow“ magazine.
Contact Jasvir Sandhu at:
(403) 608-9406 for more information.
Submissions for the Jan/Feb 2009 edition
are due by December 24, 2008.
Advertise today or sponsor an ad to
support efforts of the Apni Generation Inc.
to enhance the diverse needs of the
families, to foster positive relationships and
healthy lifestyles for the families.
Complimentary copies of the magazine are
available at selective businesses in Airdrie.
0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-40 Fahrenheit (-40 C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canadians rent some videos.
-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Lava flows freeze.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100 Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their earflaps.
-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when
they can't thaw the keg.
-459.4 Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Canucks win the Cup
Page 30
Page 31
I am Albertan
Hey, I'm not a farmer or an oil worker.
I don't live in Red Deer or eat raw beef or own a pickup
truck.
I don't know Doug or Dwayne or Debbie from Fort
McMurray, but I'm sure they're very nice people.
I have a premier named Eddie.
My neck is not coloured “red.”
I go to the lake and stay in a cabin, not a cottage.
I believe in plugging in my car during the winter
because if I don't, it won't start.
I drive 100 km/h in the left hand lane on Highway 2
even though the sign says, "slower traffic, keep to the
right."
I'm not against Bill 11, but I'm not for Bill 11.
As a matter of fact, I don't even know what Bill 11 is all
about.
I cheer for the Flames (or Oilers) because they play in
the NHL.
I don't believe Toronto is the centre of the universe.
I've never been there and I don't ever plan on going
there.
Alberta has the second largest deposit of oil in the
world.
And because of that, I don't pay taxes.
And I believe it's the greatest province in the country.
But I'd still move to B.C. if I got a good job offer.
My name is Joe.
And I am Albertan.
(Actually, I moved here from Ontario in the '80's.)
Page 32