Anger: Our Master or Our Servant
Creative Use of a Powerful Emotion
Facilitator’s Guide
By Larry Heath
Communications should be addressed to:
Turning Point Ministries, Inc.
P. O. Box 22127
Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International
Version.® Copyright ©1972, 1978, 1984 by International Bible
Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.
©Turning Point, 1996. All rights reserved.
All rights are reserved. No part of the material protected by this copyright notice may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the Turning Point Ministries.
Cover Photo: Larry Foster
Cover Design: Graphic Advertising
Layout: Louise Lee
ISBN 1-58119-014-X
About the Author
Larry Heath has served in local church ministry for over 40 years. Having served eight
churches in two major denominations, he
has developed extensive experience in pastoral counseling, marriage and family enrichment, and support group ministries. Much of
his ministry is devoted to individual, couple,
and family counseling; marriage enrichment
seminars and retreats; and small group leadership training.
He is the author of the Living Free curriculum Anger: Our Master or Our Servant and is
a certified Living Free facilitator/trainer.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
1
Anger: Our Master or Our Servant
C
ontents
Page
Introduction
Getting Started
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
3
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
4
Suggested Group Format
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
5
Session One — You’re Angry! No, I’m Not! • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
6
Session Two — What Is Anger? Its Composition • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 15
Session Three — Anger: What Causes It? • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 22
Session Four — When Anger Is a Sin (Part I) • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 29
Session Five — When Anger Is a Sin (Part II) • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 37
Session Six — Beginning Steps in Managing Your Anger
Session Seven — Managing Your Anger
• • • • • • • • • • • • •
43
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
49
Session Eight — Managing Anger in Your Marriage/Family Relationships • • • • • • • • 57
Session Nine — Accepting Responsibility for Managing My Anger • • • • • • • • • • 65
Selected Bibliography • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 72
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Introduction
Anger: Our Master or Our Servant
The importance of a vibrant,
healthy faith is often seen as
unrelated to one’s feelings.
However, it is clear that our
growth in our spiritual life is
vitally related to our understanding of the role of our
emotions and their powerful
influence in developing a
healthy faith.
The stewardship of our
mental health is vital in
developing a well-balanced
faith. Therefore, it is becoming more and more evident
that we see how our feelings
function and how biblically
to manage or express them.
One of the greatest concerns
we have seen in this area is
that Christians find it particularly difficult to accept the
fact of anger in their lives.
Many see anger as a feeling
that is contradictory to their
faith and “walk in the
Spirit.”
clear principles on how to
manage anger. This material
provides a challenging journey into the powerful emotion of Anger.
Few of us have been taught
how to live with our feelings.
We are taught how to think,
but feelings often overwhelm
and master the Christian.
With spousal abuse, child
abuse, violence, depression,
and other problems on the
rise in our culture, it is clear
that anger and its potential
for evil or righteousness
need to be addressed from a
biblical perspective.
This material
provides a
challenging
journey into the
powerful
emotion of
Anger.
So let’s get started on a journey that will hopefully provide new and exciting ways
to understand and direct
your anger to God’s purpose
and plan for your life—a
healthy Christian life.
The Bible presents some
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
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Getting Started
Group Size
We suggest that each Anger: Our Master or Our Servant group have 2
group leaders (facilitators) and a maximum of 12 participants.
Having more than 12 may prevent some from being a part of
much-needed discussion.
Preparation Time
The facilitator’s material is written in an almost word-for-word
dialogue. However, it is hoped that as you come to know and
understand the concepts presented, you will be able to “personalize” each session to fit your own style better. Highlight the points
you want to emphasize and make notes for yourself.
Your group is unique—so adapt questions to their needs and
situations. Be sensitive to each person who is in your group.
Keep in mind that the answers provided for the discussion questions are only a tool to assist you and are by no means the only
“right” answers to the questions being asked.
Become thoroughly familiar with the four elements of each session:
• Introduction
• Self-Awareness
• Spiritual Awareness
• Application
You’ll find more detail about these on the following pages.
The facilitators should meet prior to each session to pray and to
make final plans. They should also meet briefly after each session
to discuss what happened during the meeting and to go over any
follow-up that may be needed.
Anger: Our Master or Our Servant Group Workbooks
Before Session One, the workbooks should be distributed to each
group member. Facilitators should be thoroughly familiar with the
workbook before the first meeting.
During the orientation, encourage group members to complete the
appropriate assignments prior to each group meeting. Through
the readings and other exercises in the workbook, group members
can come to each session better prepared for meaningful discussion. Note that while group members are asked to read and think
about the Scriptures to be covered, the discussion questions have
been left out of the workbooks in order to enhance the spontaneity
of the group process.
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Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Suggested Group Format
The group format for each
session consists of four elements: Introduction, Selfawareness, Spiritual awareness, and Application.
There is a reason for each
phase. The facilitators
should always plan each session with this format in
mind.
Part I. Introduction
(10 minutes)
Begin with prayer. The facilitator may pray or may ask
one of the group members
to lead in prayer. After the
prayer, a sharing question
helps put the group at ease
and makes them more comfortable in being a part of
the discussion. The lead
facilitator should respond to
the sharing question first,
followed by the cofacilitator.
This helps the group members to feel safer in participating in the exercise. After
the facilitators have shared,
the group members will
share one after another
around the circle. Always
remind group members that
they are not expected to
share if they do not wish to.
The rule is that everyone
works within his or her
comfort level and is welcome to pass.
This is not the time for
detailed conversation, so ask
the members of the group
to keep their comments
brief. If a person is obviously in pain during the exercise, the facilitator should
interrupt the sharing and
pray for the person in pain.
After prayer, the exercise
may resume.
Part II. Self-Awareness
(20-25 minutes)
After the sharing question,
the facilitator will lead the
group into the Self-awareness phase. Self-awareness is
a time to practice James
5:16, “Therefore confess
your sins to each other and
pray for each other so that
you may be healed. The
prayer of a righteous man is
powerful and effective.” It is
important to stay on the subject matter. This is a time to
focus on needs and healing,
not to have a “martyr” or
“pity party.”
It is suggested in Selfawareness that the
facilitators ask the group
members to share as they
wish rather than going
around the circle as in the
introduction phase. This is
because people are at various
comfort levels, and they
should not feel pressured to
self-disclose if they are
uncomfortable. As the group
continues to meet, members
will feel more and more
comfortable in being a part
of the discussion.
Remember, prayer is always
in order. If a group member
is hurting during this phase,
stop and pray. One of the
facilitators may lead in
prayer or ask another group
member to pray. This says to
the group members that
each member is important
and that you care about each
individual.
Part III. Spiritual
Awareness
(20-25 minutes)
After the Self-awareness
phase, the facilitator will
lead the group into the Bible
study time. Having briefly
explained the topic, the facilitator should assign
Scriptures listed in the
Facilitator’s Guide to group
members. When each
Scripture is called by the
facilitator, the group member
should read the verse(s).
After the verses are read,
give time for discussion.
Part IV. Application
(20 minutes)
This part is actually a
continuation of Part III.
Ask for volunteers to share
their reflections on the question. The facilitators should
emphasize the importance
of the group members’
applying biblical principles to
their lives. Help for life-controlling problems begins with
right thinking. The Bible
says, “Be transformed by the
renewing of your mind”
(Romans 12:2). Obedience to
the Word should follow with
right behavior. Right feelings
will follow right thinking and
right behavior.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
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1You’re Angry! No, I’m Not!
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
Sharing Question
Welcome to our first meeting on the study of anger. I’d like
for each member to introduce himself/herself. I’ll begin by
telling you that my name is…
S
elf-Awareness
Allow 10 minutes
Take a few moments and thank God
for each person in the group. Express
thanks for each group member’s desire
to develop a healthy faith. As they
explore God’s Word on the subject of
anger, ask Him to help each member
make a disciplined effort toward the
goal of a Spirit-controlled life.
The purpose of this exercise is to help
group members move toward being
more comfortable in sharing with the
group. Ask each one to introduce himself/herself, beginning with yourself and
your cofacilitator.
Allow 20-25 minutes
People often struggle with a variety of problems that seem
to surface such as marital conflicts, parenting issues, interpersonal and relational difficulties, depression, grief, even
physical illness or pain; yet even while these issues are being
discussed and addressed, anger often makes its appearance—in overt or covert ways. Often people will not recognize anger as a problem or issue but will deny or hide it.
Anger is a part of being human. All of us have lost our tempers and lashed out at God, ourselves, or others. Many of
us have silently boiled in rage or frustration at someone or
something.
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Session 1
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Perhaps you are reluctant to come to terms with the fact
that we are people who get angry. Anger is not a passing
fad or “psychological issue” that demands our brief attention. Anger is here to stay. It has been here since creation.
We can observe anger in daily life. Most of us don’t want to
be examples of losing our temper but generally want to
appear as controlled, calm, and peaceful.
Anger may be the most common emotional feeling we
humans share. It is one of the earliest emotions expressed
by an infant.
As the infant develops some security with parents, he will
begin to display infant anger and rage. We have all seen
that sweet little baby stiffen his body, exhibit a change in
facial expressions, scream, and express his frustrations. This
is normal in a loving environment where a child expresses
anger within certain supportive boundaries set by parents.
Perhaps you have heard the following story:
A mother heard her four-year-old son screaming and crying from the basement where he was watching his father
build cabinets. Fearing the boy had been seriously hurt, she
opened the door and saw him crying on the steps. “What in
the world is wrong with you?” she demanded. Through his
tears, the little boy replied, “Daddy hit his thumb with the
hammer.”
“If daddy hit his thumb with the hammer, then why are you
crying?” “Well…I didn’t cry at first,” he explained, “I
laughed.”
Children raised in this kind of environment soon learn to
hide their anger as much as possible. Children get very little positive help in learning how to manage their angry feelings. Parents need to be thoughtful enough to explain ways
in which their child’s anger can be expressed with their
permission. Children learn to feel guilty for experiencing the
feelings of anger and down right sinful for expressing it.
Read the following 1974 report from the Joint Commission
on Mental Health of Children (Dobbins, 78-79).
The role of violence and its encouragement in young children
must be faced squarely. Some children meet abuse and angry
outbursts at the hand of their parents. Nearly all children are
exposed to graphic violence over the television screen.
Through possible imitation of and identification with these
models, patterns of violent behavior may be easily acquired.
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Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
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Of at least equal importance are the patterns by which the
young child is taught to handle his own frustrations, his own
angry feelings, and the constructive or destructive acts for
which he comes to feel responsible. Possibly no other area represents as profound a source of pathology in our culture as
the handling of anger and aggression.
Ask your group to comment on this report.
Do children raised in Christian families experience less family violence than secular families? How good a job are
Christian families doing in providing instruction and guidance in the matter of helping family members understand,
control, and direct feelings of anger properly ?
What are some examples of situations that cause people to
respond with anger? Ask your group to list various everyday situations that could evoke anger in a person.
As you can see, your examples of anger in daily life show us
that anger can range from irritation to explosive responses
in people. The clichés we use can reveal some interesting
information about anger. What are some common ways we
define anger in clichés?
Ask your group to describe ways they encourage others to
control their anger. What metaphors do we often use?
8
Personal response.
Christian families probably experience
and are less subject to family violence
than unsaved or secular families.
However, due to the fact that Christians
continue to see being angry as being bad
or even a terrible sin, parents probably
need to improve by not responding to
normal angry feelings in a suppressive or
punitive way.
A slow driver in front of you, divorce,
loss of your job, child abuse, overworked
mom and dad, ways people respond to
others, rebellious child, accidents, health
crisis, natural disaster (flood, etc.), misunderstandings, low self-esteem.
“He’s hot under the collar.”
“He’s a pain in the neck.”
“He burns me up!”
“They are boiling mad.”
“He makes me so mad!”
“Who does he think he is?”
“Cool down for a few minutes.”
“Count to ten.”
“Take a walk around the block.”
Session 1
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Without emotional expression, life would be “unfelt” and
appear as only rational or cognitive. However, thoughts and
behaviors are connected to our feelings. Rational thought
alone will not provide the energy needed to function as
human beings in experiencing life. We all require feelings to
motivate us sufficiently to do the enjoyable in life as well as
experience suffering and pain. Ask your group: How do
children, youth, and adults differ in their expression of
anger? Give examples.
Children can move quickly from emotion to emotion.They can cry one
minute and laugh the next. Children can
show anger in various ways; i.e., yelling,
pouting, hitting, even become depressed
by holding in the anger.
Teens may struggle with anger through
conflict with others; withdrawal; becoming isolated; fighting with peers and siblings; becoming aggressive with parents,
teachers, and authority figures.
Adults reveal their anger through bitterness, resentment, self-pity, and lethargy
or a depressed mood. Events in adult
transitions such as mid-life, death of a
loved one, marriage, and singleness can
also provoke feelings of anger.
Ask your group to share some situations that are examples
of anger in various developmental stages of life (childhood,
adolescence, adulthood). These may come from personal or
other sources.
Personal response.
Your group may now begin to open up
regarding some events or situations that
have or continue to evoke anger or
angry responses in their lives. Be sensitive to these and note any that may
need prayer or discussion at a later
time. Be careful not to stimulate discussion of detailed issues in group members’ lives.
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
Everyone from infancy on experiences angry feelings.
These feelings are a part of God’s design in our internal
being that help people have the energy to be motivated to
accomplish tasks, even difficult or threatening ones.
To better understand ourselves and the emotion of anger,
let’s examine God’s Word on this subject.
Session 1
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
9
S
piritual-Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
Read the following scriptures and reflect on what God’s
viewpoint is regarding anger.
Assign scripture references to group
members to be read aloud and discussed.
Genesis 1:28
God gave Adam and Eve an assigned task to subdue the
earth and maintain dominion over it. What part did their
internal energies play in carrying out this commission?
Motivation, aggressiveness, and taking
control were necessary ingredients in
carrying out this task. Point out that this
aggressiveness was created and functioning in Adam and Eve prior to the fall of
man.
From where did the motivation come?
The motivation came from God.
Adam and Eve had the capacity to be angry before the fall
but there was nothing to activate anger.
What does this say about anger being a result of the fall and
thus a sinful emotion?
Psalm 7:11
Ask your group to discuss how God can be angry.
Ephesians 4:26
What does this passage say about anger as a God-created
energy and how each individual is responsible for how it is
managed?
10
Adam and Eve were given this emotional power prior to the fall. It apparently
was given as a part of their biological
and spiritual entity and not seen as sinful. Everything God created He called
“good.”
God created our emotional being, and
we are created in His image. How can
we see anger itself as sinful if God gets
angry? Point out to your group that
God’s righteous anger is directed
toward defeating sin and unrighteousness.
The Bible makes it clear that anger is an
ethically neutral instrument or force that
can be used to glorify God and not for
sinful thoughts or behaviors. It has potential for danger and can lead to sin. We
are to deal with it quickly lest it lead to
greater harm. We will be discussing this
passage in a later session so mark it as
an important text.
Session 1
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Ephesians 4:27
What is the potential danger that Paul warns the Christian
about in this verse?
What does this verse and the previous passage (Ephesians
4:26) teach us about reducing or preventing an environment of hostility, bitterness, strained personal relationships,
and their effects on our spiritual growth?
Hebrews 12:15
Since anger is a strong emotion, it is important to recognize
that it can wreck havoc on a person’s emotional life and
personal relationships if one allows it rule or master
him/her. Discuss what causes this to happen and what the
result is according to this passage.
Genesis 4:1-8
Hebrews 12:15 shows us what can happen to relationships if
anger is held unchecked. In this passage in Genesis, how is
Cain and Abel’s relationship defiled when anger masters
and controls Cain?
Anger can gain mastery of a person’s
personality and thus open the door to
Satan’s temptation and lies leaving the
habitually angry person vulnerable to
sinful thoughts and actions.
Christian mental and spiritual health
that keeps a Christian open to growth,
teachable, and maturing is characterized by humility, teachableness, and
peace, not a stubborn, angry, unteachable spirit that gives Satan a foothold.
Unchecked anger between loved ones
can grow into bitterness, resentment,
even hatred and could lead to physical
or verbal abuse (defilement means to
behave or act toward God and others
in a sinful, unholy manner).
The murder of Abel is indicative of
what can happen when anger goes
into rage. One can defile himself and
others. Our culture is not different
than that of Genesis.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 1 11
Mark 3:1-6
Did Jesus experience anger?
Describe the place anger played in this event in Jesus’s life.
Did Jesus sin when He was angry?
A
pplication
Jesus experienced anger, and He
expressed it!
The Pharisees wanted to find some reason to trap Jesus.They were more interested in watching Jesus to see if He
would break the law of the Sabbath by
healing this man. Jesus was angered at
their lack of compassion and disregard
for healing. He healed the man immediately! Jesus was sinless (Hebrews 4:15).
Allow 20 minutes
Ask your group to discuss the implications of uncontrolled anger in personal
life, family, marriage, and society at large.
Use some or all of the questions below
to encourage participation in this time of
sharing.
Anger is a normal emotion that can be used for good or
evil.
What have you been taught about expressing anger that is
not healthy?
Personal response.
What have you discovered about anger in this session that
will help you accept anger as a normal, God-given emotion?
Personal response.
How aware are you of anger in your life, and what are
some areas in which you may need to make changes?
Personal response.
The Bible encourages us to find ways to manage our anger.
As we accept anger as a common part of life, it is imperative
that we learn scriptural, practical, and healthy ways to make
anger our servant. As you conclude this session and continue your journey into understanding this powerful force,
pray for God’s guidance to discover where you are in
accepting your anger and the need to make it your servant
for God’s glory.
Study carefully the Anger Log and Anger Expressions forms on
pages 13 and 14 (Pages 9 and 10 in workbook). You will see
these charts again in Session 7 for later comparisons.
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Session 1
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
MY ANGER LOG
Day
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Frequency
How many times do
you get angry each
day inwardly or outwardly?
Place a number for each day.
Intensity
On the average, from 1-10
what is the intensity of your
anger today? (10 = intense;
1= barely breathing)
Duration
How many minutes do you
usually remain angry? Use
an average.
Negative Expression
How many times does your
anger lead to negative
expression?
Positive Expression
How many times does your
anger lead to positive
expression?
Disturbs Relationships
On the average, did your
anger today help or hinder
relationships? (9= helpful;
1 =disaster)
Fill out the Anger Expressions chart on page 14. Consider the
last two times you got angry at each person and how you
expressed it. Now observe how you express your anger the
next time you get angry at each person.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 1 13
ANGER EXPRESSIONS
✍ Mark with a check (✓) how you expressed anger to each person most recently.
Person
Hold it back
Indirect
Direct
Spouse
Children
Parents
Employer
Coworker
Friends
Which type of expression do you tend to use most?
What can you do to make your anger expression healthier and
more productive?
✍ Think about the following people toward whom you might
express anger. How do they respond when you express anger?
Write down how you will respond the next time.
Person
Response
How I will respond
differently the next time
Spouse
Children
Mother
Father
Boss
Friends
✍ Think of a constant provoking behavior or situation and then
think of a change that you can make when all else fails.
Charts taken from When Anger Hits Home by Gary Jackson Oliver and H.
Norman Wright, Moody Press, 1992. Used by permission.
Closing Prayer
Conclude this session with a brief prayer
led by your cofacilitator that encourages
members to ask the Lord to help them
be open in the area of growing in
accepting their anger and continuing to
use it for God’s glory.
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Session 1
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
2What Is Anger? Its Composition
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
Allow 10 minutes
Convene the group by beginning with
prayer.You may choose to lead the
prayer or request one or two persons
to have a brief prayer. Ask God to help
each member desire to discover ways
he/she can mature in his/her understanding of his/her emotions which will
contribute to a healthy Christian faith.
Sharing Question
S
Name one positive quality you admire in your parents’ life.
Share this with your group members.
Personal response.
Do you recall any negative qualities in your parents that
upset or angered you? Name one or two of them.
Personal response.
elf–Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
We humans often see anger in an exaggerated way.
Sometimes simple irritation may be misunderstood as fullblown anger causing us subsequent guilt or fear of this normal human emotion. Anger is a common, human, everyday
emotional reaction that people feel in response to a variety
of situations.
It begins in infancy, and evidently we don’t feel guilty about
it. However, as we mature, we do develop guilt about our
anger due to our parents’ angry responses to us and seeing
them get angry with us. In being reared and rearing our
children, we all have become very familiar with anger and
what it produces.
Ask group members to recall daily episodes or events in
their everyday life as children or adults that are examples
of how common anger is in our lives.
Our children can become masters of
knowing instinctively how to anger Mom
and Dad. For example: “I sat here first.”
“Mom, he’s picking on me!” “He hit me
first.” Mom is ignored at her work and
at home. Dad isn’t responding to her
cry for help.The dog chews up the new
chair.The cat got out! Etc., etc., etc.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 2 15
We all know what it is to see a family and its members
angry. Of course, we all should know it is healthy to feel
guilty when our expressions of anger are undisciplined,
destructive, or abusive.
We have seen that anger is experienced by God, who is
Spirit, and His highest creation, mankind. To pretend that
anger doesn’t exist is unrealistic and even unhealthy.
Anger can appear to be a difficult emotion to define. In
coming to a clear and understandable definition, we would
do well to see anger as a rather complex entity yet definable
and recognizable.
Let your group members know that in
the Turning Point Curriculum Insight
Group the topic of denial is addressed.
Encourage members to recall what they
have learned about this topic, and if they
have not participated in an Insight
Group, they should do so.This will help
members who tend to deny the fact of
anger and its existence in their personal
life.
Anger is generally felt as intense energy or a progressive
surge of emotional energy that involves one’s thoughts, feelings or emotions and behaviors, or actions. Thus in experiencing this feeling, we find it hard to separate these three
parts.
Anger Is Physiological
Dr. Richard D. Dobbins defines anger as “unexpressed
energy.” A physiological response occurs when “a biochemical reaction is triggered which results in the creation of
unusual amounts of energy for your use in facing a perceived threat. “…Once you are angry, you are in possession
of energy which cannot be destroyed. Until you determine
what form the expression of your energy will take, you have
committed no sin. Your moral challenge is this: You are
responsible to determine what you will do with the energy
your anger has created” (82). So, first of all we see anger as
a God-created energy, and we should not see anger as a sinful creation.
Explain to the group that because anger is often connected
to sinful thoughts or actions, we tend to think of the feeling
of anger as sin. The thoughts and actions of people can be
controlled; the emotional energy is God-given and designed
for good.
Ask your group members to list ways in which they experience anger as a physiological phenomenon.
16
Refer your group back to the material
in Session One and read the Spiritual
Awareness Lead-in to the group again.
Our bodies can reveal that we are
experiencing anger: facial expressions
change, heart rate increases, arms tremble, lips tighten, voice is raised, grinding
of teeth, verbal expressions of the feeling are voiced. (Example: “He‘s a pain in
the neck.”)
Session 2
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Anger Involves Our Thoughts
The surge of energy we feel in our body is processed
through mental, cognitive, or thought processes. Whether
we act out these strong feelings whenever anger occurs
depends on our thoughts about the situations, ourselves, or
others we see as stimulating our anger. Our mental attitude
will determine our response to this energy.
How does a person’s thoughts about a situation that makes
them angry affect their response to it or to others when
they are angry?
Our beliefs about ourselves, the threat
we are facing, how we have been taught
to respond to anger can all affect our
response. Since our thoughts are under
our control, it offers hope to group
members that anger can be controlled
and become a servant and not a master
of our life. Example: A wife can become
very angry at her husband and be yelling
at him. Suddenly the phone rings. She
can immediately control her expression
of anger (yelling) and begin speaking
calmly and softly to the person on the
phone. Her anger at her husband is
intense (she feels it in a strong way) and
is related to her expectations of him
(this viewpoint is in her thoughts), and
her response to the person on the
phone is based on a different set of
thoughts regarding expectations (be
polite, does not want to appear out of
control, etc.). Help your group members
understand that the thoughts related to
anger is an important part of anger
composition.
Anger Is Action (Behavioral)
The words and actions people use (or do not use) to
express the surge of anger they feel is the third component
of anger. A broad range of expressions may occur.
There are a variety of expressions that reveal varying
degrees of anger one can feel once they experience anger
or react to a situation in anger. A few of these are listed:
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 2 17
abhor
annoyed
begrudge
burned up with
cool to
cranky
criticize
cross
crushed
disdain
disguised
despise
enraged
exasperated
fed up with
frustrated
furious
give someone grief
griped
grouchy
grumpy
hot
huffy
hurt
ill-tempered
incensed
indignant
inflamed
infuriated
irked
irritated
jealous
laugh at
loathe
mad
mean
miffed
moody
offended
out of sorts
provoked
resentful
repulsed
sarcastic
savage
scorn
sick of
sore
spiteful
testy
ticked off
to kid
touchy
troubled
turned off
uptight
vexed
vicious
worked up
Ask your group to think of others they
would add to this list. Wait for members
to look over the list of expressions and
perhaps give their own additions. Point
out to the group that angry feelings and
responses can vary in degree of intensity.Therefore, they should see anger as
progressive; i.e., irritated to vicious and
resentful, and this offers a person a
chance to control it.
To summarize, we see anger as a complex emotion that is
composed of feeling, thoughts, and behaviors. This offers
hope that anger can be a positive force for good and can be
used as a constructive energy in the Christian life.
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Session 2
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Spiritual Awareness Lead–in
Anger can be used for good or evil. As part of our body’s
natural response system, it can be directed in positive ways.
Let’s open God’s Word and gain insight into how He views
anger and how it can be utilized to motivate people to do
His will and purpose.
S
piritual Awareness
It is interesting to discover the biblical words for anger. Two
frequently used Greek words for anger are thumus and orge .
Thumus means turbulent commotion, temper, rage. Orge
describes a long-lasting attitude of revenge or resentment.
Other words are used in Scripture to define anger.
Allow 20-25 minutes
Assign scripture references to group
members to be read aloud and discussed.
Ask group members to research anger
in a biblical concordance (i.e., Strong’s
Concordance), a biblical dictionary, or
Greek-English lexicon. Ask one or two
members to volunteer to locate passages from these sources and bring
back a brief repor t on their research at
the next meeting. Another option to
this assignment would be to provide a
concordance or other resources at this
meeting and give the group time to
complete the assignment.The following
scripture gives examples of anger and
its expression as seen in a variety of
characters and situations.
Exodus 32:19-24
Moses was angry. As a godly leader of Israel, how did he
express his anger?
His intense anger motivated him to
hurl the tablets of stone to the
ground, burn the golden calf, restore
order and control in the Hebrew
camp.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 2 19
Judges 14:1-19; 15:1-5, 14-16
Take time to read this entire passage of Scripture. This
familiar story of Samson may need to be reviewed and summarized for the group. Take a few minutes to do this. You
may appoint several group members to read short portions
of these passages. Note especially verse 19. What action
does Samson take in Judges 15:3-5, 15?
Judges 15:14
How did the anointing of the Holy Spirit and Samson’s
anger combine to accomplish God’s will?
Anger motivated Samson to take strong
action against the Philistines. He burned
their cornfields and slew 1,000 men.
God used Samson’s physical strength
and competitive, aggressive emotions to
display His power and accomplish certain tasks.
I Samuel 15:10-31
How does anger motivate Samuel to speak a prophetic
word to Saul?
In this passage, God rejects Saul as King
of Israel. Anger at sin and disobedience
prompted Samuel to speak aggressively
in anger to Saul. He delivered God’s
Word to a disobedient king.
How did Saul respond to this strong word from the Lord?
He was humbled and confessed his sin.
Sometimes anger at a sin can produce
spiritual results.
I Samuel 17
How did David’s anger motivate him to compete with the
evil giant Goliath?
Anger at the pagan Philistine army and
their leaders inspired David to overcome fear and win a major battle.
What behaviors did he display as a result of his anger?
He risk his life for righteousness and the
accomplishment of God’s will in his life
and Israel’s destiny.
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Session 2
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
John 2:13-25
What role did anger play in Jesus’s action of purging the
temple?
Acts 15:35-40
Do you believe that Paul and Barnabas who were serving
the Lord together as early New Testament ministers of the
gospel expressed any anger toward one another in this conflict?
A
The anger motivated Him to carry out
a righteous indignation, even a strong
rage, toward the abuse of His Father’s
temple which was a house of prayer,
not commerce.
Apparently it was a heated and contentious conflict that led to their separation as fellow ministers of the gospel.
However, their anger did not terminate
their doing God’s will as ministers of
the gospel and their missionary
endeavors.
pplication
Allow 20 minutes
Scripture indicates anger can be a positive emotion that
motivate a person to speak and do God’s will and purpose.
How do you see anger as a positive influence in your life
and family?
Personal response. Example: Firm but
loving discipline by parents may have
been motivated by appropriate anger at
wrong behaviors in the children. Parents
also may be motivated by low-level
anger in a positive way to challenge
their children to be and do their best in
school or in whatever they attempt to
do.
Examine your understanding of anger as being a three-part
entity: emotion, thought, action. Make an effort this week to
become more conscious of these three components as you
experience anger in your life.
Example: Anger at Satan and sinful
behaviors, speech, conduct, and so forth
can help families seek God and develop
Christian values. For example, the influence of drugs, alcohol, pornography,
wrong types of friendship, sexual misconduct, etc.
Closing Prayer
Request each group member to take a
moment and ask God to make them
more sensitive and discerning of their
anger and expressions of anger.
Encourage them to pray for God’s
Word to enlighten their understanding
of appropriate and inappropriate anger.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 2 21
3Anger: What Causes It?
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
Allow 10 minutes
Have a period of prayer that will address
several specific needs of group members.
Have several give prayer requests as they
feel led to do so. Encourage a spirit of
intercession and concern for one another
and their prayer needs. Conclude prayer
with a few “praise reports” on how
growth is coming along in the area of this
study on anger. Give positive feedback to
any progress being made in application of
truth that has been learned.
Sharing Question
S
When you take a vacation, what is one activity you really
enjoy doing? Why is it special to you? How does it help you
relax?
Personal response.
elf–Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
In looking at what causes anger, let us not forget what we
have learned about anger up to this point. In summary, we
have seen that anger can be viewed as a universal, human
emotion that comes as standard equipment “on loan” from
God. It is biological and is experienced by humans as a common feeling. It can be used for good or evil. Anger has a set
of parts: (1) physiological, (2) emotional, and (3)cognitive(that
is, related to our thought processes). It is experienced at all
age levels by both Christians and non-Christians.
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Session 3
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
What makes people angry?
Actually the answer could really be
“nothing!” In fact, it is people themselves
who make themselves angry. What this
means is that we must show “ownership” of our anger.
Help group members see that their
anger is their anger. It is simple to say
this, but it does take some work to
admit that anger is a personal emotion
and how one learned to express it
while growing up in their family will
often determine how they respond with
their anger.
Over time then, we see that anger can be a learned response
which can come from how our parents handled anger. Also,
our view of each situation and our thinking or belief about
ourselves, others, and the threat we are facing can often
determine our response. So then the anger is ultimately ours!
We can all respond to the biological surge of energy in a variety of ways, some of which we have learned or not learned
in our upbringing.
Describe various expressions of anger that you have seen in
others.
It may include feelings of irritation,
hatred, resentment, verbal or physical
aggression, frustration,and other expressions.These may vary based on the individual’s interpretation or belief about
what is happening to them.
Is anger simply a biological or animalistic response?
No. God has given man a free will and
free thought to control his feelings,
thoughts, and actions.
How accurate is it to say that man is subject only to his
passions and has no decision or responsibility as to how he
responds in expressing his anger?
To reduce man to DNA or even claim
that he is controlled by evil spirits and a
sinful nature is not an accurate biblical
view of man and his responsibility for
self-control and change of his thoughts
and actions.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 3 23
A variety of secular theories explore the causes of anger in
man. Some say that aggression is purely biological and at
odds with his psychological processes. Others say that biological and genetic structure, blood chemistry, or even brain
damage or disease can cause anger.
Psychologists, behavioral scientists, sociologists, and others
have researched and theorized about anger and its causes
for many years. Perhaps some of this data is constructive in
understanding man as a biological being; however, there is
yet to be discovered a gene or hormone that can or will
control a man’s hate, marital conflict, war, murder, etc.
Anger is caused by many other influences that are not physical alone.
Anger can be stimulated by external and internal factors to
help simplify our discussion. A few external factors are: (1)
Our childhood and what we learned about anger in us and
our family, (2) Our theology and what we were taught in
our church and Sunday school, (3) Some types of vocations
(for example, shift work where sleep deprivation occurs and
high stress jobs and work situations), (4) Everyday living,
driving in heavy traffic, seasonal stress (vacation,
Christmas), (5) A person’s over-all health, medications
(some medications have side-effects that may stimulate
anger).
24
What are some jobs and work situations that seem to stimulate anger?
Mothers who work outside the home,
age-related promotions
(younger men taking over older men’s
positions), firings, power struggles.
List other situations that may cause anger.
Encourage your group to name other
situations that can cause arousal of
angry feelings.
Does heavy traffic always arouse anger?
It depends on your response. After all,
remember, it is your anger. If you are
late or tired, heavy traffic may stimulate
angry feelings.
Session 3
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Internal Factors That Stimulate Anger
Various feelings and attitudes toward ourselves can produce
anger.
How can feelings of low self-esteem, inferiority, and inadequacy produce anger?
People who are self-centered either
negatively or positively can be preoccupied with their feelings all of the
time and thus see threats or normal
events as causing them more hurt and
pain than others who experience the
same events.
How does a perfectionist personality or tendency in a person complicate their struggle with anger in their life?
No one is perfect.These type of people
are usually easily angered
because they want to believe they are
always right. Anything or anyone who
blocks their goals may become a target
of their anger, including themselves.
Other internal causes of anger could be feelings of guilt. We
often express anger at ourselves or others if we are judged
by
others or become jealous of someone and feel guilty about
it. Rejection, painful memories of our past, and “put
downs” can produce feelings of resentment and hostility.
Our physical health, pain, recovery from surgery, illness,
biochemical changes (premenstrual syndrome, puberty,
pregnancy, etc.)can contribute to anger. Being aware of
these causes can help a person better prepare to deal with
anger if these stresses tend to arouse angry feelings.
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
As simple as it may appear that anger can result from certain
situations inside and outside of us, the Bible can help us
locate the real causes of our human tendency to become
angry and thus let anger master and control our lives.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 3 25
S
piritual Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
Ask your group to read the following scriptures aloud.
Appoint members to read the various passages in this study
of what the Bible says about the causes of our anger.
Assign scripture references to group
members to be read aloud and discussed.
Genesis 3:1-7
When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, how did their
weaknesses (sin opened to them a new self-awareness and
self-centeredness) and pain, irritations, and fears contribute
to their anger?
Genesis 4:1-8
How did the sinful, fallen nature of Cain contribute to his
sinful use of anger which resulted in the murder of his
brother Abel?
When Adam and Eve experienced sin,
guilt, fear, and the inability to meet their
deepest human needs left them easy targets for pride, being hurt and offended,
capable of offending others, and feeling
alone and helpless.This set the stage for
blame, resentment, frustration and selfrejection , self-protection, and a general
sense of emptiness.These all resulted in a
greater tendency to use anger in a negative, selfish, and sinful way. It opened the
door for anger to be subject to the limitations of their fallen spiritual state and
the prospect of anger being used in a
sinful way.
The sinful attitude of jealousy, resentment, and rebellion issued forth in
ungodly action. He used anger in a sinful
way.
Jonah 4:1-9
Jonah was very angry. In this passage, what is revealed in
Jonah’s angry episode as the cause of his anger?
26
He is wallowing in self-pity, depression,
and disappointment in God’s decision to
spare the city of Ninevah. In Jonah’s
anger, he dialogues with God, and God
responds to Jonah’s selfish, angry
responses. Even people who preach the
message of God can be overcome with
anger that is rooted in and provoked by
their yielding to their sinful nature.
Session 3
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
John 18:4-11
Peter was angry and acted out of his impulsive personality
and sinful aggression toward Malchus. Can you identify
with Peter’s sense of helplessness? Or can you see his sense
of disgust at the other disciples for their apparent lack of
response in the crisis Jesus was facing?
Was this response totally centered in Peter’s sinful nature?
Galatians 5:18-21
What does this passage give as the source of strife and
anger
between people?
Hebrews 12:14-15
When we carry resentment or a grudge against someone,
what is the danger we are warned about in this passage of
Scripture?
A
pplication
It is clear that in our human nature and sinful desires we
submit more readily to non-scriptural ways of expressing
our anger. Our awareness of this cause of anger will alert us
to the primary source of sinful anger in our lives. As human
beings, we are restless and unfulfilled in our desires to reach
the potential we see in ourselves or our relationship with
others. The sinful nature of man places limitations on his
ability to have these natural desires and needs adequately
met, so man stays frustrated and restless in this condition.
Even after someone accepts Jesus Christ as his personal
Saviour, he will continue to struggle with the pull of this
force on his new life in Christ. Read Galatians 5:16-17 to
your group.
What are the results of living by the Spirit?
Although Peter appeared to try and
help Jesus, he didn’t respond in love.
It was both a human and self-centered
action. It was not what Jesus desired
him to do.
The purpose of this Spiritual awareness
The source of strife and anger
between people is the works of the
flesh or manifestation of the sinful
nature, so the source of sinful expressions of anger flow out of the flesh.
(Sarx is the Greek word for the fallen,
rebellious nature of the human race.)
An unwillingness to forgive others, recognize our faults, pride, and selfishness
will ultimately lead to possible sinful
expressions of anger.This is in direct
opposition to God’s Word.
Allow 20 minutes
Assign the verses to group members
to be read aloud. Use the suggested
questions as a starting point, and discuss as time allows. Focus on what
each one has to say about goodness
(the blend of courage, fortitude, and
resolution).
“You will not gratify the desires of the
sinful nature.”
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 3 27
Closing Prayer
Before praying for the group, ask members to make it a
daily prayer to become more aware of the causes of their
anger. Where the sinful nature is pulling them down and
where they experience weakness, pray that God will give
them the courage to yield to the power of the Holy Spirit.
Pray they will be enlightened in their personal battle with
sinful expressions of anger may be strongholds in their
lives. Assure them that they can overcome the works of the
flesh by yielding to the Holy Spirit and God’s Word!
If it is appropriate and time permits, allow several members
to share their specific needs for prayer in this area. Lead
the group in prayer or have members support those with
special needs in small prayer groups. Be sure to keep this
limited to the time allotted for this segment.
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Session 3
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
4 When Anger Is a Sin (
Session
I
ntroduction
Allow 10 minutes
Opening Prayer
Have a brief prayer for the group
requesting God to speak through His
Word in this session and Session Five.
Pray that each member will become
clear in their understanding of when
anger is sinful and what to do if they are
acting out sinful patterns of anger.
Sharing Question
The purpose of this exercise is to provide another opportunity for group
members to share a part of their daily
lives—apart from their problem areas—
with the group. Invite everyone to
respond.
Have group members share their favorite vacation place (beach,
mountains, home, etc.) and the first thing they like to do once
they reach their favorite spot.
S
Part I)
elf–Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
Frank B. Minirth and Paul D. Meier state, “Whenever feeling any significant anger toward yourself, God, or anybody
else, you will best handle that anger if you immediately
analyze whether it is appropriate or inappropriate. You will
gain insight into your anger” (p. 149).
Read the following vignette:
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 4 29
Jane and George are wife and husband. Jane is the expressive partner in the marriage. Outgoing, friendly, and assertive, she is quick
to express her opinions and her dissatisfactions about people or
events in her life. Jane is also prone to sudden bursts of angry
words and, in some cases, loud shouting and door slamming.
Her husband George is the opposite of his wife in many ways. A
calm person with steady emotions, he is conscious of his image in
public and, therefore, he strives to be in control of himself and his
feelings. He seeks to avoid confrontations because he finds the feelings they raise in himself too uncomfortable. George rarely expresses
his anger or disappointment in public, but occasionally loses his
temper with his children.
In arguments with his wife, George seeks to remain calm and in
control. He is afraid that displays of his own anger will further
inflame his wife, making a bad situation worse. He tries to control
himself in arguments with Jane, because her anger is a picture to
him of what he does not want to be, visibly enraged and out of control. But George is angry inside. His anger remains unexpressed.
He argues his case mentally after the main event, even muttering
swear words, when his wife has stormed out of the room.
George and Jane illustrate two basic ways people tend to handle
their angry feelings—rage and resentment—ways that have very
few benefits. These styles spring, in part, from a person’s own temperament and also as learned habits of anger response. Rage is the
act of giving in to our feelings of anger and blowing up, usually
verbally, although rage may also be manifest as swearing, screaming, criticizing, condemning, name calling, or throwing tantrums.
Resentment is the act of holding anger feelings inside. It is usually
characterized by angry thoughts or unkind, unfriendly feelings in
the presence of another. George, in the above example, may be slower to realize his problem than Jane, whose problem is on public display. In fact, Jane feels very guilty and ashamed of her anger at
her family and she wants to change and improve her relationships.
George, on the other hand, often feels self-righteous and believes
that he is the injured party, since he did not “lose his cool.” His
inner resentments and bitterness are much more harmful than his
wife’s displays of anger, since he fails to recognize or deal with his
problem.
Both of these styles of anger expression can be harmful and sinful,
because they destroy human relationships. Both George and Jane
are controlled by their feelings and neither is free to act in consciously thoughtful ways that seek to resolve problems and build
relationships.
(Counseling for Anger by Mark P. Cosgrove, PhD., 1988.
Word, Inc. Dallas, Texas. Used with permission.)
30
Session 4
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
What does this vignette reveal about two basic styles of
expressing anger?
One person (Jane) is open and may
vent her feelings of anger on her husband. One person (George) may
express his resentment by holding his
feelings inside.
Dr. Cosgrove points out that burying your anger or suppressing it may be the way many people handle their anger.
What are some expressions people use to describe this
form of managing anger?
They may describe it as “sit on it,” “can
it,” “stuff it,” “bottle it up,” “keep the lid
on it.” When we bury our anger inside,
it may often result in holding it in or
depositing it on another person or
thing.This displacement can take a variety of forms such as avoiding the issue
or person that angered you.You may
reveal your anger in another form
known as passive-aggressive behavior.
Examples are: being late for work, picking on the kids or wife, dumping your
anger at home, or even “kicking the
cat.” Being unresponsive to a situation
or person may indicate you are “holding
in anger” toward them or some situation that involves them.This can build
into a low level of resentment or bitterness. Sometimes it may be disguised as
sarcasm, ridicule, or critical joking or
humor.
Is it possible that a Christian could suppress his anger in
the above ways we have seen as inappropriate because he
feels anger is sinful and cannot be expressed?
Yes! In fact, the Bible teaches that
resentment and bitterness are wrong;
therefore, sin could develop from holding anger inside.The thoughts one has
toward another that are not honestly
expressed may result in a sinful expression that would not occur if the person
had an honest, open leveling with others.To level with someone—self, God,
or another—is to risk sharing your feelings in open, honest, carefrontation
rather than isolating your feelings.You
may find it difficult to share your angry
feelings with another, but it will help
prevent sinful responses.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 4 31
Development of Emotional
Problems Related to Anger
Phase 1: Hurt
Bruised feelings from personal slight or disappointment.
Phase 2: Frustration
Feeling that comes when life tells you NO!
Phase 3: Fear
Feeling that comes with loss of control and anticipation of
reprisal.
Phase 4: Anger
Feelings of hurt that are complicated by frustration and
fear.
Phase 5: Wrath
Anger that has “brewed overnight” which gets stronger
and grows into bitterness and unforgiveness.
Phase 6: Hostility
Anger collected and aggressive.
Phase 7: Hate
Bottled-up hostility which may be turned inward in
depression or grow to the point of exploding into
violence directed at one’s self or toward the person or
group that is blamed for the original hurt.
Recovery: To deal with anger, go back to the hurt, acknowledge the hurt, take responsibility for your part, and forgive
the other person for their part.
By Dr. Raymond Brock. Used by permission.
This chart is a helpful way of viewing how sinful expressions of anger develop when a person does not process this
emotion properly.
When a person holds anger inside, what other symptoms
can possibly develop?
32
When people tend to be preoccupied
with the thoughts, hurts, and losses that
may build up over a period of time, it
drains their energy and mental alertness
and even contributes to bodily stress.
Studies have shown a link between suppressed anger and hypertension and a
rise in heart disease. We also know that
anger and pent-up feelings can aggravate muscle tension.
Session 4
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
The Scriptures tell us a great deal about holding in our
anger and how it could become a place for sin to develop
and thus provide a place for the devil to create a stronghold.
S
piritual Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
The following scriptures show us how unresolved anger
does harm and how to deal with the problem.
Assign scripture references to group
members to be read aloud and discussed.
Ephesians 4:31
How important is it to discharge pent-up anger according to
this Scripture?
Ephesians 4:30
Is there a connection between grieving the Holy Spirit and
holding in anger?
Ephesians 4:32
What action should replace a grudge or resentment?
II Samuel 12:1-25
Have your group read this and briefly note that in verse 5
David experiences anger. When Nathan the Prophet confronted David with his sin, what took place inside David that
helped him see his sin and his responsibility to deal with it?
It is appropriate to drain off or put
away bitterness.This Scripture clearly
states that it impedes Christian growth.
Yes. Bitterness can grow and interfere
with our relationship to God and others.
Act in kindness toward those who have
angered you. Forgive each other.
David was convicted by Nathan’s truthfulness and “carefronting.” David, a great
leader who often administered judgment in matters of righteous and
unrighteous behavior, sees his sin and
admits it to Nathan, himself, and God.
David’s anger (verse 5) perhaps played
a role in his self-awareness of the sin he
committed.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 4 33
Psalm 38:4; 42:3,5,10; 51:1-6
How does internalized anger express its presence in David’s
life in these passages? What does he do about it?
Matthew 7:3-5
How can anger that is buried inside us blind us to the log or
beam that is in our lives?
Depression can be a hiding place for
anger. In fact, when we hide anger, it can
lead to depression. When situations
anger us and we push the feeling down
inside, it can lead us on a temporary trip
into self-hatred. Very often suicidal persons are unaware of their anger at themselves. In counseling, I have often asked a
severely depressed counselee who may
be contemplating suicide,”Are you aware
of your anger at yourself?” They will
often respond with a question: “Why do
you think I am angry with myself?” I
reply,”It seems to me that before you
would want to kill someone, you would
have to become very angry at them—
even if that someone is you!” Suicide is
believed to be, in many cases, associated
with depression that is severe.
Depression is often a result of repeated
episodes of long-term, hidden anger.
Getting in touch with it and revealing it
to God and a person whom you can
trust will often bring help in relieving the
depression.
When we become skilled at hiding our
anger, we may misinterpret the motives
and responses of others. For example: A
friend may not notice you, and you will
think that he is avoiding you.You can
become blinded to your hidden anger
and project it onto others when you
mistakenly think or perceive that others
are angry at you.This will blind you to
your need and draw your focus onto
others’ faults or what you may think is a
fault in them.
In this passage, Jesus tells us that even
though our brother may truly have a
small fault in his life that we quickly and
“clearly” see, we must not overlook or
be blinded to our own sin. If we hold a
resentment, we may see their sin and
not our own due to our shortsighted or
even blinded vision.
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Session 4
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Mark 11:25-26
What part does forgiveness play in releasing buried anger?
Romans 12:19
How much good is accomplished if we carry a grudge or
resentment toward others? What does this passage of
Scripture tell us to do?
Colossians 3:21
How does this scripture help us better manage buried anger
in family relationships?
A
pplication
Forgiveness supplies the needed spiritual
power that releases the anger and
resentment.The only way to get even
with someone is to forgive them or ask
them to forgive you.The cross of Christ
and its message is one of forgiveness.
Jesus died to cleanse us of all bitterness
and anger that is rooted in the sinful
nature of fallen man. We must crucify the
flesh daily.
Release it and let God who is all- knowing and perfect in judgment take care of
the situation.
Parents, especially fathers, need to avoid
provoking their children. More will be
said about managing anger in family
relationships in a later session. Sarcasm,
threats, verbal outbursts, or other
extreme ways of communication can
embitter a child. It angers the child and
results in deep hurt between parent
and child.
Allow 20 minutes
Burying anger can lead to sinful thoughts and behaviors.
We need to become aware of our tendency to bury or hide
it. The church has often allowed Christians to identify with
the pain of their hurtful feelings and pain of the past but
not with their anger. In this group it is safe to say, “I’m
hurt,” but it is even better to say, “I’m angry!”
Hopefully at this point in the group, bonding and trust
should have developed to the point where members can
share some of their anger that may be displaced onto others
or buried in them and hidden from others. Let God help
you lead group members to share their feelings. As facilitator, perhaps you could become vulnerable and share some
of those feelings.
Personal response.
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Session 4 35
Closing Prayer
Ask group members to get in groups of 2-4 persons and
pray for the needs that may have been disclosed regarding
buried anger.
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Session 4
5 When Anger Is a Sin
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
(Part II)
Allow 10 minutes
Lead the group in prayer and ask God
to help your group members present
themselves to God and one another
for insight and growth as they explore
this session’s material. The awareness of
sinful expressions of anger in our lives
is often difficult to face or deal with.
Ask the Lord to give each member
courage to take small steps of growth
in overcoming inappropriate ways of
dealing with anger.
Sharing Question
Take a few moments with your group and invite them to
share their favorite room in the house and why they like it.
Help group members to be relaxed and open with one
another and have some fun with this sharing opener.
S
elf–Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
In our last session, we explored the dangers and benefits of
choosing to hide or repress our anger. In some cases, to
“stuff ” our anger can result in sinful expressions of anger;
i.e., resentment and bitterness. In other cases, to control
the anger by holding it in and releasing it or letting it go
without hurting ourselves or others may be beneficial. In
this session we will explore a common way that anger is
often expressed, one that could be and in many cases is not
the most appropriate way to do so.
Ask your group members to list words or phrases that
describe what is meant by “venting” their anger or “losing their temper.”
We know that anger can be internalized and/or externalized
in harmful or beneficial ways. We have viewed the dangers of
When a person openly lets go, we may
describe it as “blowing up,” “hot under
the collar,” “mad,” “flipped his lid,” “bent
out of shape”—the group may add to
this list.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 5 37
unhealthy “hiding” of anger. Let’s look at the dangers of
exploding or venting anger in explosive episodes. As we
will see in our Spiritual Awareness segment of this session, it
is clear that the Bible teaches that open hostility, loss of temper, violent acts, retaliation, and the aggressive expression
of anger are not appropriate for the Christian. A person
who loses control of his anger can be mastered by it and act
with violent behavior. Aggression that explodes in thoughtless anger can hurt ourselves and others. When we vent our
anger on family, friends, or strangers, negative results occur
such as:
1. Problems are not solved when we vent our anger on others or lash
out at them. In fact, it often intensifies hostility.
2. Others who are the target of open rage and explosive anger are hurt
emotionally and, in some cases, physically. (Each year millions of children are battered by out-of-control parents, and spouses are abused by
their mates.) Anger and rage often control the emotions of street gangs
in our cities. Our pastor told of a recent television program where he
watched interviews with street gang members. One of these members
blatantly remarked that he would immediately murder anyone who
just looked at his trousers in the wrong way or if he just didn’t like the
way they looked. That is all it took for him to kill another human
being. He further remarked that he got a thrill out of watching the
blood spurt out of their body! This may seem like an extreme example
of violent anger, but many of these gang members acted “controlled”
and “cool” as they reported this. Anger, revenge, and hatred produce
negative and hurtful results.
Have your group members take a moment and comment
on the impact explosive anger has played in current
episodes of violence in their community, state, or nation.
Terrorist acts, serial killings, etc. Personal
responses will vary. Encourage a few
examples from the group.
3. Anger that is released in violent ways does not change others. It may
appear that they have changed when threatened through angry
aggression, but ultimately respect, love, and warm feelings decrease.
Vented anger does not get good results in others.
4. When people explode or vent their anger inappropriately, it does
not help them better express, control, or accept their anger. The opposite tends to occur. Their restraints on releasing anger often diminish,
and they accept this aggressive temper as okay. This tends to keep
them in a state of anger that helps perpetuate a cycle of anger, guilt
over losing control and hurting others, recurrent anger, recurrent
guilt, etc. (This pattern is seen in those who abuse others verbally or
physically). People do not listen well when someone is inappropriately
releasing anger.
In general, what is the prevailing attitude of people who
dump or openly release their anger on others?
38
They are often preoccupied with themselves.They are not concerned
if they attack someone else, label them,
curse or slander, put down, humiliate,
and communicate in ways to violate the
rights and dignity of others.
Session 5
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Is there a difference between irritation and rage?
Oliver and Wright in When Anger Hits Home quote John Lee
on how devastating rage can be:
Obviously! Of course, rage is different
from simple irritation and the early
arousal of angry feelings. It is more violent, hostile, and can cause harm. Simple
irritation can lead to irritability and
more intense levels of anger, but in
comparison, rage is much more explosive, loud, obnoxious, sarcastic, and less
sensitive in the proper treatment of others.
Rage is the ugliest and meanest human emotion. Rage is the
father throwing his infant child against the wall and killing
her. Rage is the mother scalding her child with boiling water
to teach a lesson. Rage is the husband choking the family dog
because it sneaked into the house. Rage is the driver who tailgates you for 10 miles blowing his horn because you cut him
off by mistake… Rage is awful and has no decent place in
normal human relationships. Not at home. Not at work. Not
in public (p. 224).
Ask the group to consider this statement for a moment and
encourage a few comments from them: “Is there any difference between people who get angry and angry people?”
Yes. We all experience the emotion of
anger, but when anger that is internalized or externalized becomes strong
enough to dominate our lives, we move
from being a person with anger to being
an angry person.
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
It is clear that the extreme expression of anger as seen in
rage, violent outbursts, or verbal or physical abuse of others
provides a negative and harmful release of this powerful
emotion.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 5 39
S
piritual Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
The following scriptures show us that venting anger inappropriately can be sinful.
Assign scripture references to group
members to be read aloud and discussed.
Proverbs 15:1
In what way does venting anger and the use of language
correlate with one another?
Proverbs 15:18
What does this scripture point out regarding the outcome
of losing one’s temper?
Proverbs 16:28
What ingredients are needed to produce strife and discord?
What is implied by the word “seeds”?
Proverbs 22:24
When we associate with angry people, we are affected by
them. What does this passage teach that we should do when
faced with an angry person?
Grievous, contentious words flow out of
an angry spirit.The result is that it usually
provokes anger in those to whom it is
directed.
It produces more anger in others.
The aggressive, angry person often
plants the seeds of discord.
Small and indirect or direct stabs or
attacks on another.The use of gossip or
“whispering” can be an aggressive form
of anger that hurts our relationship with
others.
Avoid them. This passage is clear in that
it takes two people to keep an angry
exchange going.To flee angry people will
help you control your anger.
Mark 3:17
Jesus calls his twelve disciples to follow him. He gives two of
them, brothers named James and John, the nickname,
“sons of thunder.”
How does this nickname describe their use of anger?
40
Obviously these two brothers were
known for their explosive tempers and
forward manner in which they aggressively expressed their anger.
Session 5
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Luke 9:49-56
What kind of response did these brothers give in this situation regarding the Samaritans’ attitude toward Jesus?
Romans 12:17
What biblical principle is given here with regard to venting
anger on others?
How does this principle comply with Jesus’s teaching on
“turning the other cheek”?
Colossians 3:8
Paul instructs the Christian to put off anger, wrath, malice,
blasphemy, and filthy communication out of one’s mouth.
How likely is this change to take place in the believer’s life?
Colossians 3:12-14
What constitutes the new nature we have as Christians?
They got angry and expressed a hostile, verbal onslaught toward
them—even to the point of being
enraged and asking God to act violently
against them!
This Scripture states that under no circumstances is a Christian to return evil
for evil.
It is consistent. It underscores the principle of self-control and the resistance
of the pursuit of anger with anger.
Through the presence and control of
the Spirit of God who will give a person
the strength to obey God’s Word.
We have the mind of Christ. We are
new creations in Him; therefore,
we can put on—dress ourselves in—
the new nature of Jesus Christ.
By putting on the qualities listed in these
verses, we are actually putting on the
character and response of Jesus Christ
who lives in us and desires to change
our lives into His likeness—even in the
use of our anger!
Session 5
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
41
A
pplication
Allow 20 minutes
We have seen that it is always inappropriate to vent our
anger on ourselves or others. Any expression of anger that
abuses others is not biblical. Ask your group members to
look over the following list of indicators. Perhaps some
changes are in order. Did you discover any areas that apply
to you? Think about these and ask the Lord to help you
come to terms with your discovery. Get assertive with
changes that are needed in your dealing with explosive
anger. If even one of these indicators fits you, target it for
change!
Have group members discuss their target
for change from the nine indicators.
Oliver and Wright in When Anger Hits Home record this
quote: “In Treating Type A Behavior and Your Heart, Friedman
and Ulmer identified certain behaviors that, based on
research, may be indicators of a hostile personality.
According to Dr. Friedman, if even one descriptor fits you, it
may be time to contend with your tendency toward hostility.
1. “You become irritated or angry at relatively minor
mistakes of family members, friends, acquaintances
or even complete strangers, or find such mistakes
hard to overlook.
2. “You frequently find yourself critically examining a
situation in order to find something that is wrong or
might go wrong.
3. “You find yourself scowling and unwilling or unable
to laugh at things your friends laugh at.
4. “You are overly proud of your ideas and enjoy
telling others about them.
5. “You frequently find yourself thinking or saying that
most people cannot be trusted.
6. “You find yourself regarding even one person with
contempt.
7. “You have a regular tendency to shift the subject of
a conversation to the errors of large corporations, of
various departments and offices of the federal government, or to the younger generation.
8. “You frequently use obscenities in your speech.
9. “You find it difficult to compliment or congratulate
other people with honest enthusiasm.” (pp. 225226).
Closing Prayer
Ask one of the group members to
close the session in prayer.
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Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Steps in Managing
6 Beginning
Your Anger
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
Allow 10 minutes
Take a few moments at the beginning of
this session and pray for one another in
groups of twos. Suggest that pairs agree
on one special need in their lives for
which they each need to join in prayer.
Sharing Question
S
Briefly describe one of the favorite or most meaningful
gifts you have received for your birthday, Christmas,
anniversary, or other special occasion. The gift should have
come from your spouse, family member, or special friend.
What made the gift special to you?
Personal response.
elf–Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
It is understood that people can have a number of misconceptions about their feelings. Are their feelings right or
wrong? Do I hold my feelings inside or do I release them?
Where do my feelings come from: God or Satan? Can I
trust them? Feelings, of course, are an indispensable part
of our lives. Anger is one of the feelings about which many
of the above questions are often asked. As a person learns
that he is a person “with feelings,” he may appear confused
about them, disregard them, or even deny his feelings,
especially if the feeling is one of anger.
Feelings are a God-given gift. They are like guides to help
us sense or monitor issues and events in our lives. They
provide a part of the total response mechanism God created
in us so we can be motivated to better understand, evaluate,
judge, and respond to situations and circumstances in our
lives. Although feelings should not be the final criteria that
determine our behavioral responses or decisions, they still
provide a vital part of the total information we need to help
us be the person God wants us to be in serving Him and
others.
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Session 6 43
It is tragic if we lose our ability to be in touch with our feelings. It is almost like we are losing one of our senses such as
sight, touch, or smell. To know or recognize your feelings is
like being in touch with a “sixth sense” that provides a valuable tool in helping us experience life to the fullest, especially in relationship with God and others. This is especially
true with regard to the feelings of anger we experience.
We have studied previously how we can recognize the inappropriate ways of dealing with anger. Ask the group to state
briefly the ways we are not to handle anger.
We are not to deny it, ignore it, hide it,
or vent it on others in abu s i ve behavior.
In preparing to manage anger properly, we know that to
deny our feelings, repress them, and/or explode and throw
them at others can result in a sinful use of this powerful
energy God created in us to use in a productive way. Also in
preparation for managing anger, we need to remember that
God’s Word provides some very important guidelines or
principles that will help us understand this powerful emotion and His purpose and plan for using it appropriately. As
we have already seen, the Bible presents a variety of statements, words, and situations that involve the emotion of
anger.
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
By now we should be fairly certain from our study that
anger is a subject the Bible readily addresses. However, in
learning to manage our anger, we need to become aware of
some specific truths that God’s Word shows us about anger.
When we take time to explore the Bible thoroughly on
anger management, we discover something interesting. It
seems as if the Bible says in some passages that anger is
condemned and other times that anger is condoned.
S
piritual Awareness
Some verses do indicate that anger is unacceptable. Ask
your group to read the following verses that give this point
of view.
44
Allow 20-25 minutes
Assign scripture references to group
members to be read aloud and discussed.
Session 6
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Psalm 37:8 and Ephesians 4:31
What does God’s Word say we are to do with anger?
“Cease from anger” and “Let all anger
be put away.”
There are times when anger seems to be accepted and
appropriate. Read the following verses and point this out to
the group.
Psalm 4:4 and Ephesians 4:26
The words “be ye angry” are a present imperative in the
Greek text. This means the concept is “commanding a continuous action” (Wuest Word Studies from the New Testament for
the English Reader, page 114). It appears to mean that anger
is to be expressed under certain conditions and condoned.
Genesis 1:26-27
Ask the group to read these verses and then ask the following question: “Since God created us in His image, does this
mean that He created anger and the ability to express
anger as a part of His image?”
Yes. God’s creation is good, including
anger, sex, power, and the other strong
emotional and physical energies God
gave man.These powerful forces are
neither right nor wrong but are left for
man to choose how he uses them. It is
imperative that man use them for the
purpose for which God created them.
The following passages show us several biblical principles
on using anger creatively as our servant and not letting it
become our master. As you study these, evaluate your use
of anger and its compliance with God’s Word.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
Ask individual group members to read the Biblical
Principle and the verse that supports the principle.
Principle: Don’t be quick to defend
yourself in anger. Don’t express your
anger rapidly.
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Session 6 45
Ephesians 4:26-27
This passage gives us several important principles for managing anger. Ask the group members to locate them as the
passages are read. Ask God to help you understand these
truths and apply them to your life.
Keep the group focused by listing the
following key truths in managing anger:
1. The Bible teaches we are to be
slow to anger; however, these verses
teach us we must not delay showing
our anger any longer than is necessary. If you have to express anger, it
is important to deal with that
expression appropriately and quickly.
For example, don’t wait for days,
weeks, months, or years to pass
before talking with someone you
may have hurt or reacted to in
anger.To delay could cause greater
pain for you and them.
2. Deal with anger the same day it
occurs.
3. Deal with your anger while there is
opportunity to do so. Don’t let it
stockpile in a slush fund of
repressed and denied angry feelings.
4. When you are angry, deal with it or
you may become vulnerable and
give Satan a place to use you and
your anger in sinful expressions of
thought and behavior.
5. Don’t let lingering anger proceed to
bitterness and resentment.
It may help you to see that as you look through the Bible,
many of the well-known characters had to deal with their
anger. They often expressed their anger at God and others.
II Samuel 6:6-8
What emotion did David express?
Acts 13:22
What does this say about David?
46
David became angry at God when a man
was killed trying to protect the Ark of
God.
He was a man after God’s own heart.
He expressed his feelings toward God. In
earlier sessions we located various passages of Scripture that revealed how biblical characters expressed their anger. If
you like, you may review them now.
Session 6
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Dr. Dwight Carlson in his book, Overcoming Hurts and Anger,
states this:
Do you know who in the Bible got angry the most often? Not
the Pharisees, or the Philistines, nor any other assorted heathen. It was God Himself—God, who is without sin. The
Hebrew word for anger appears approximately 455 times in
the Old Testament, and of these, 375 times it is referring to
the anger of God (p. 35).
Numbers 11:1
Who is angry in this verse?
God’s anger is kindled (aroused). As we
know, God’s anger is always appropri a t e.
Mark 11:15-17
Jesus expressed His anger and cleansed the temple of the
greedy money changers who were showing dishonor and
disrespect and defiling and disrupting God’s house.
It is important to note that God’s anger and Jesus’s anger
reveal a principle of how to use the force of anger creatively. In some cases anger may be righteous, and its absence
may displease God. Had Jesus remained calm and controlled, sin would have continued in the temple. Read the
following passages that support this truth.
Numbers 25:16-17
What does God tell Moses to do?
I Samuel 11:6
Saul’s anger and his behavior encouraged righteousness
and not sin. Ask your group to consider this question:
“Could it have been that had Jesus not responded in anger
to promote righteousness and deal with sinful behaviors of
others, he would have sinned by not taking action?”
Smite the Midianites. Be hostile toward
them!
Therefore, we can conclude that anger
as seen in the Scriptures is presented in
and of itself as neutral, neither right nor
wrong, appropriate nor inappropriate.
The Bible teaches us that it is what
makes us angry (the source or basis of
our anger) and how it is expressed that
determines whether anger is right or
wrong.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 6 47
A
Allow 20 minutes
pplication
Anger is a powerful, God-created energy that can be utilized
in a sinful or righteous expression.
It may be helpful to review Session Two
briefly at this point, especially the components of anger. Help each group member come to understand that the creative use of anger must first be understood in the light of Scripture, and the
basic principle of how to manage it must
be developed from God’s Word.
Discuss ways anger can be expressed within the boundaries
of scripture.
To be angry and sin not means we will
seek to obey the admonitions of
Scripture to avoid wrath, bitterness,
unforgiveness, etc., and walk in the Spirit
thus managing our angry feelings. Also, it
helps to hide the Word of God in our
heart. Memorize Scripture that helps you
overcome anger and promote gentleness. Learning to stop and pray when
tempted to lose control always helps us
walk in the Spirit.
Ask the group to describe some personal applications.
Personal response.
Closing Prayer
Ask God to help you desire to know all He has to reveal
about anger in His word. Join in prayer for other group
members that each one will clearly see the truth and apply
it to their daily lives.
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Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
7Managing Your Anger
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
Allow 10 minutes
Ask a group member to lead an opening prayer that will focus on the need
for knowledge, wisdom, and courage to
deal with anger according to God’s plan.
Seek help in learning new skills for this
important task.
To get your group talking, ask the following discussion starters.
Sharing Question
What is your favorite day of the week? Why? What makes it
special? What is one of the activities that causes you to like
this special day?
S
elf–Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
In developing a healthy viewpoint of our feelings, it is necessary that we come to terms with anger. This emotion
must be the focus or target of our concern if we are to
mature in our self-control and development as a growing
Christian.
As we have already seen, there seems to be two common
responses to anger: denial or stuffing/burying it and/or
venting it and displaying aggressive, explosive temper
tantrums.
The Bible clearly states we are to practice “being slow to
anger” (James 1:19). This simple admonition means we can
work with angry feelings, not just bury them or release
them in bursts of temper. In this session we will provide a
simple plan for learning how to be slow to anger; i.e., learn
how to take control, manage, and utilize anger in productive ways.
The following step-by-step procedure provides clear-cut
steps to help you control the episodes of anger that come
into your life:
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 7 49
Get in touch with your feelings
Acknowledge your feelings of anger and accept them.
Describe your feelings: I am mad. I am irritated. I am furious.
Determine the level and intensity of these feelings: a little
upset, moderately upset, or very upset. Get honest with
your anger. Admit you are losing control. At this point don’t
be critical of your feelings as to their being right or wrong
but look at your feelings and think of them as you would a
temperature gauge on the dash of your automobile. The
gauge light comes on, and it is red indicating that the
engine is overheated. You do not try to determine the cause
of the malfunction nor try to fix it at this point. You just
observe the warning light. It’s overheated! Just acknowledge the fact. That is the principle of this first step in controlling your anger. Just acknowledge and accept the fact of
feeling angry. Don’t deny it! Give an example.
Personal response.
Control your thoughts
In doing this, you will be able to control and determine
what to say or do. Alert yourself and others to the fact that
you are displeased, angry, or upset. Don’t take any actions
on your immediate feelings. Be truthful with yourself and
others. You may respond by saying, “What you said to me
upset me; however, I need to think through my response to
you. Maybe we need to talk about this after I clear my
thoughts and feelings.” Be aware of the situation that
angered you but defer specific action until you think about
how to respond as well as how it has affected your feelings.
Timing your response is important. Prayer will definitely
help you clarify the issue and how you are to deal with it.
Give an example.
Personal response.
Locate the cause of your anger
Ask yourself, “What is it that is making me angry?” Sort out
what you caused and what others did to produce the anger.
Discern the root cause of the problem. If you get angry
because the car will not start, is it truly that the car won’t
start, or is it fear of being late and your boss’s getting angry
at you. Or could it be that you are angry that if the car is
broken, it will cause additional financial worry and stress?
Over time, you can begin to locate the true cause of your
anger. Accept responsibility for your anger and process the
information to locate a cause. For further study in this particular step of anger management, you may want to read
The Anger Workbook by Dr. Les Carter and Dr. Frank Minirth
(see Bibliography). The workbook provides valuable help in
discerning how a variety of needs; e.g., insecurity, fear,
pride, loneliness, inferiority, and unrealistic expectations
can create anger. Give an example.
50
Personal response.
Session 7
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Think through your response by being rational and less
emotional
Spend time sorting out irrational beliefs. Tell yourself the
truth about people and situations. No one is ever wrong or
right all the time. It is wrong to expect others to always be
happy and helpful. People do get sick, tired, and aged.
Others have reasons for their behaviors and are not just
selfish or thoughtless. Everyone and everything does not
exist for our convenience or purpose. You will control
anger better if you do not say I can’t stand this …, or They
should or shouldn’t do this …, or They better never …. These
statements lock you into emotionalizing rather than thinking. Align yourself with reality and do not let everything
bother you to the point that you “lose it” every time over
normal failures we all have and experience as a result of
being imperfect and having a fallen, sinful nature. Note:
This does not mean we do not deal with the reality of sin
and wrong, but to be “slow to anger” means we are relating
to life through self-control, grace, and understanding. Give
an example.
Personal response.
Direct your anger through applied controls
In determining your course or action, remember to avoid
the extremes that could be harmful: attacking, withdrawing
and clamming up, giving in, or denying that anger is present.
If you care for someone or some situation, you will often
have to choose action that requires that you confront someone or some event. David Augsburger in his book, Caring
Enough to Confront, calls this “truthing it in love.” This
action may be needed. You may need to be gentle and private with confrontation or strong and direct—whatever is
needed to help bring a resolution to the conflict. In this
process of “truthing it in love,” be sure to do the following:
(1) inform about the issue, (2) show your feelings appropriately, and (3) speak the truth in love.
With God’s help, carefully choose the proper response,
words, action, and what to say or not to say to bring some
closure and resolution to the issue. Develop a list of
responses and actions that work for you and for the best of
other people. It is at this level that anger becomes your servant and can be productive for you. Give an example.
Personal response.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 7 51
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
This simple five-part formula for controlling your anger
will help you develop some basic control and give you a
plan that can bring about management of it. Look at the
following scriptures that are focused on the importance of
controlling your anger.
S
piritual Awareness
Allow 20-25 minutes
The Apostle Paul says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is
useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in
righteousness” (II Timothy 3:16). Let’s look at useful ways
to apply the scripture.
Matthew 5:22
What does Jesus say about the importance of controlling
one’s anger?
What is the principle Jesus is teaching?
Matthew 16:23
What does Jesus’s response to Peter reveal about Step 5 in
the five-part formula for controlling anger discussed in the
Self-Awareness section of this session?
52 Session 7
Notice that the passage says if you are
angry without a cause, you are in danger
of judgment.This means you have said
nothing to this point, only been angry
without a cause. However, if you lose it
and call someone an idiot (Raca), you
are in danger of the council. If you lose it
and respond in all-out, vengeful anger,
you are in danger of hell fire.
The less control one has over his anger,
the more serious are the consequences
he may face.This is true of the spiritual
consequences (the way God will deal
with us in His perfect judgment) and
the natural consequences of not controlling your anger.
He confronted Peter and rebuked him
sharply with the truth.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Acts 15:2
What does this passage reveal about the need to confront
others in love and truth?
Galatians 2:11
What happened between Paul and Peter?
Proverbs 25:8-9
What is the wisdom given in this passage regarding a
method of action we can take if we are angry with someone?
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22
What does this passage reveal about the need to think
through our response to others when we are angry?
Paul clearly had “dissension and
debate” with these men from Judea
regarding certain religious customs.
Paul opposed Peter “to his face”
because he was wrong on an issue Paul
thought was important.
Whenever possible, use private confrontation to deal with the issue. (Refer
to Matthew 18:15 also.)
Don’t become angry if you overhear
people criticizing you. Give it time and
don’t let everything others do or say
bother you.
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Session 7 53
A
Allow 20 minutes
pplication
Managing anger and using it for good requires practical as
well as spiritual effort. Write out the five steps suggested in
this session for controlling anger. Work on the ones you
need to practice this week in your progression toward making anger your servant.
Read the James 1:19 passage. Discuss what it means in terms
of developing a plan to avoid the destructive use of anger.
Study carefully the Anger Log and Anger Expression Charts
printed below(pages 40 and 41 in the workbook). Commit
yourself to using it for nine days to record your responses.
This tool is quite valuable in helping you pinpoint angry
reactions and their intensity. This discipline will pay great
dividends in learning to be slow to anger. After the nine
days, compare with Session 1. Describe your progress.
Have group members discuss the step
that needs the most work in their lives.
Discuss ways to progress in the step.
Step 1 – Get in touch with your feelings.
Step 2 – Control your thoughts.
Step 3 – Locate the cause of your
anger.
Step 4 – Think through your response
by being rational and less emotional.
Step 5 – Direct your anger through
applied controls.
MY ANGER LOG
Day
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Frequency
How many times do
you get angry each
day inwardly or outwardly?
Place a number for each day.
Intensity
On the average, from 1-10
what is the intensity of your
anger today? (10 = intense;
1= barely breathing)
Duration
How many minutes do you
usually remain angry? Use
an average.
Negative Expression
How many times does your
anger lead to negative
expression?
Positive Expression
How many times does your
anger lead to positive
expression?
Disturbs Relationships
On the average, did your
anger today help or hinder
relationships? (9= helpful;
1 =disaster)
54 Session 7
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Fill out the Anger Expressions chart. Consider the last two times you
got angry at each person and how you expressed it. Now observe how
you express your anger the next time you get angry at each person.
ANGER EXPRESSIONS
✍ Mark with a check (✓) how you expressed anger to each person most recently.
Person
Hold it back
Indirect
Direct
Spouse
Children
Parents
Employer
Coworker
Friends
Which type of expression do you tend to use most?
What can you do to make your anger expression healthier and
more productive?
✍ Think about the following people toward whom you might
express anger. How do they respond when you express anger?
Write down how you will respond the next time.
Person
Response
How I will respond
differently the next time
Spouse
Children
Mother
Father
Boss
Friends
✍ Think of a constant provoking behavior or situation and then
think of a change that you can make when all else fails.
Charts taken from When Anger Hits Home by Gary Jackson Oliver and H.
Norman Wright, 1992. Moody Press. Used by permission.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 7 55
Closing Prayer
Have each group member request
prayer for specific areas they need to
improve in learning to be slow to
anger.
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Anger in Your
8 Managing
Marriage and/or Family
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
Allow 10 minutes
Pray that God will help each group
member recognize the importance of
managing anger in family relationships.
Sharing Question
Ask several group members to share briefly the following:
Describe the circumstances of your family or marriage. Do
you have children? Are they living with you? If you don’t
live with a spouse or family members, what is your relationship with them?
S
elf–Awareness
As each member shares, note that we
can learn a great deal about the circumstances of each group member’s family.
Allow 20-25 minutes
It is realistic to expect that most couples will experience
anger in their marriage and with their children. We need
to have adequate and accurate information in dealing with
anger in our marriage and families. Disagreements and
conflicts are inevitable. Marriage forces us to come to terms
with our spouse’s needs and submit our weaknesses to
another person. If you are an intense person, you can
experience intensity in pain and/or pleasure. The area of
anger in marriage is such a broad topic. David Mace, a pioneer in the field of marriage enrichment, has described its
proper place in marriage.
This does not mean you do not have a right to be angry. In
an appropriate situation, your anger could be a lifesaver.
Anger enables us to assert ourselves in situations where we
should. Anger exposes antisocial behavior in others. Anger
gets wrongs righted. In a loving marriage, however, these
measures are not necessary.
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Session 8 57
My wife is not my enemy. She is my best friend; and it
does not help either of us if I treat her as an enemy. So I
say, “I’m angry with you. But I don’t like myself in this
condition. I don’t want to strike you. I’d rather stroke
you.” This renouncing of anger on one side prevents the
rush of retaliatory anger on the other side, and the resulting tendency to drift into what I call the “artillery duel.”
If I present my state of anger against my wife as a problem
I have, she is not motivated to respond angrily. Instead of
a challenge to fight, it is an invitation to negotiate.
Taken from When Anger Hits Home, by Gary Jackson Oliver and H.
Norman Wright. 1992. Moody Press. Used by Permission.
Can you remember the first episode of anger you had as a
married couple or family member?
Personal response.
The following areas seem to be the battlegrounds of anger:
unfulfilled expectations, unfulfilled needs, differences in
backgrounds, the way we give and receive love, money, sex,
communication, parenting, in-laws, taking your spouse for
granted, fatigue and time pressures, physical demands, job
stress, sleep deprivation, dual careers, ad infinitum.
Power and control seem to be the overriding issues that
lock couples into endless war, and like the game of “tug-owar,” they will stubbornly continue to fight for their victory,
and anger is a vital energy used to achieve it. The biblical
concept of marriage is built on the principle of submission
to one another in love. But does this involve conflict? Yes!
In a healthy marriage a couple expresses conflict from time
to time. The marriage commitment requires you to look at
your self or selfishness and your mate’s self or selfishness.
Thus, what “he wants” and “she wants” and what “he
needs” and “she needs” and what “he expects” and “she
expects” erupt in disagreements and arguments. In our
culture we favor independence and self-reliance. Little
value is placed on cooperation, flexibility, and giving in to
achieve a greater goal. Yet we all struggle with problems
we cannot solve by ourselves. Growth and maturity develop as we work through problems and conflicts together.
Removing ourselves from the issue or our mate may mean
less anger, but it always lessens the intimacy and potential
for the couple’s growth. Mark Cosgrove in Counseling for
Anger states, “So many marriages fail, not because people
have married the wrong people, but because they are not
being the right people” (107).
We need the freedom in our marriages and families to
express anger and hurt in a loving and truthful manner.
Feelings must be expressed to one another without fear of
rejection and yet without hurting your spouse and/or family
members.
Name two areas in your marriage or family that seem to
stimulate angry episodes between family members.
58
Personal response.
Session 8
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Disagreements are normal and even inevitable in marriage
and families. Consider the following to help you and your
spouse use anger constructively in your marriage:
• Learn how to manage conflict by admitting you are angry.
• First, deal with your anger.
• Practice the skills learned in the previous session.
• Commit yourself to “being slow to get angry.”
• Ask yourself: “How will the presence of Jesus Christ in my life affect the
way I respond to my mate and this situation?”
• Learn how to hold back your anger. Think ahead to avoid anger-causing situations.
• Make up your mind not to let everything bother you. Self-giving love
means you will do what you can to remove irritating situations and
unnecessary conflict from your spouse’s life if at all possible.
• Purpose in your heart not to overreact, threaten, hit, curse, shout at, or
name call with your mate. There will be times when each of you may
need to discover a “set of techniques” that you will use (agreeable to
both) to rely on that will help diffuse the intensity of your heated
moments of dialogue. Some couples use “time out” to get control of
their impulses or feelings, others count to ten, others change the scene or
subject to allow calmness to return so the issue can be addressed later.
What methods have you used to control anger in your
marriage or family?
Retreat, be quiet, isolate, fight back, etc.
Whenever a married couple cannot reach a resolution to an
angry conflict, it is often due to the fact that one or both of
them have sabatoged their dialogue or communication.
Good communication skills require practice. Couples often
fight in dirty ways that block communication and increase
anger.
A simple tool a couple can use to avoid these episodes and
better manage them is to agree on a simple communication
covenant or prior agreement as to how they will act during
their disagreements. I like the example from Gary Oliver
and Norman Wright’s book,When Anger Hits Home (167-168).
Here are two points from an agreement that one couple developed
in order to improve their communication and problem-solving skills.
1. We will not exaggerate or attack the other person during the
course of a disagreement.
a. I will stick with the specific issue.
b. I will take several seconds to formulate words so that I can
be accurate.
c. I will consider the consequences of what I say before I say it.
d. I will not use the words always, all the time, everyone,
nothing, etc.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 8 59
2. We will attempt to control the emotional level and intensity of
arguments. (No yelling, uncontrollable anger, hurtful remarks.)
a. We will take time-outs for calming down if either of us feels
that our own anger is starting to elevate too much. The
minimum amount of time for a time-out will be one minute
and the maximum ten minutes. The person who needs a
greater amount of time in order to calm down will be the
one to set the time limit. During the time-out, each person,
individually and in writing, will first of all define the
problem that is being discussed. This will include, first,
identifying the specific cause for my anger. Second, the areas
of agreement in the problem will be listed. Third, the areas
of disagreement will be listed, and fourth, three alternate
solutions to this problem will be listed. When we come back
together, the person who has been the most upset will express
to the other individual, “I’m interested in what you’ve written during our time-out. Will you share yours with me?”
b. Before I say anything, I will decide if I would want this same
statement said to me with the same words and tone of voice.
It is most helpful for couples to support one another in
keeping their communication covenant or agreement. Ask each
other what is needed to control angry feelings. For example: Ask, “Do you want me to say nothing, leave the room,
not interrupt, hold you, hear you out, etc., when you are
losing or about to lose control of your anger?” Reflect and
ask questions. Ask yourself: “How can I make this process
work?” Both spouses must be in the process or agreement
together and help each other make it work.
List ways you would want your loved one to respond to
you when you are angry.
Personal response.
As couples grow in their management skills, they will know
when to keep quiet about trivial matters and when to argue
for the sake of things important to the relationship.
Learning how to handle marital storms is more than just
learning “techniques for conflict resolution,” communication skills, etc. These will only help a couple’s skills in dealing with anger. The greatest factor in learning to manage
anger in a marriage is to see that self-control is a character
issue. Our study on anger is to help us become more loving and less selfish in our relationships. Our marriages can
be destroyed by many forces, but one of them that does not
have to end it is anger. Solutions to anger in marriage cannot be reduced to a list of how-tos. People need to change
on the inside if they are to develop loving, caring, nonabusive relationships.
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
The biblical principles of how the marriage relationship is
to function will provide a greater resource for maintaining
a healthy marriage which will also help us with proper
anger management.
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S
piritual Awareness
Submitting “to one another out of reverence for Christ”
(Ephesians 5:21) involves anger management in marriage
and family relationships.
Psalm 103:8
God is slow to anger. Why should a husband exhibit this
quality in his marriage?
Matthew 5:38-42
What is the primary teaching about anger and how to
respond to someone who is mistreating you?
What does Jesus teach us to do?
Allow 20-25 minutes
Assign a verse to each group member.
God has emotions, yet He is never out
of control. He showed anger to produce or bring about righteousness
(right judgment and living), and it was
always done in love and mercy. A husband should exhibit this quality in his
godly leadership of his wife and family.
This is the passage that is called the
“turn-the-other-cheek” teaching.
In verse 39 He said not to return evil
or mistreatment. In verse 40 He said if
they were sued to give them their
coats and if required, go an extra mile.
The spiritual truth here is that an angry
response is to be avoided; we are to
respond in love and prayer (Matthew
5:43-44). In this passage Jesus is teaching that it is more important for people to manage insults and have the
freedom to take it and not let it disturb their peace. By releasing possessions (i.e., one’s coat), he is in control
of his feelings and did not let another’s
anger or intimidation touch his spirit.
This quality is needed in marriage and
family relationships, especially when
anger levels are high. If you are out of
control, you cannot show love, peace,
and mercy.
Do you practice this principle in your marriage and/or family relationships?
Personal response.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 8 61
Ephesians 5:22-33
To whom does Paul give more directives in marriage, the
husband or the wife?
Husbands are challenged to love their
wives as Christ loved the church, and
wives are to practice loving submission
to loving authority.
Do you and your spouse accept these responsibilities in
your marriage?
Personal response.
What can a husband do to make his wife feel loved, cherished, and nourished?
Listen, practice loving actions of compassion, communicate, deal with conflict
in a biblical way.
Ask women in the group to respond to
this question after the men have
shared.
What can a wife do to “submit” to her husband and help
him fulfill his biblical role as leader of the home?
Personal responses from women in
group.
Ask men to respond to this question
after women have responded.
What does this passage teach regarding how a husband and
wife are to relate and thus better manage their anger?
62 Session 8
If we will make a commitment as a
couple to fulfill our responsibilities, we
will be less likely to compete, fight,
boss, or show selfishness in the marriage. Christian marriage is never “I will
if you will,” but we will meet our individual responsibilities, including managing our anger, to achieve harmony spoken of in Ephesians 5:33. “However,
each of you must love his wife as he
loves himself, and the wife must respect
her husband.”
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Colossians 3:13
Often we are angry because others sin against us. Scriptural
anger management from this source is forgiveness. In light
of this verse, is forgiveness an option or a gift?
Romans 14:13
What have you said to your spouse in the last week that was
judgmental? Did you tear him/her down with criticism?
Think of some ways to build up your spouse with words
and actions.
Forgiveness is not an option; it is a
command—“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” It is a gift—something we
receive or give. Jesus gave His life so
we could experience forgiveness. See
Colossians 2:13-14.
Give time for personal reflection.
Galatians 6:2
How compassionate have you been with your mate recently?
Personal response.
How sensitive are you to their needs?
Personal response.
When your spouse is upset or hurting, what do you do to
show them or let them know you are aware of their pain?
Discuss the importance of being sensitive to your mate’s needs, feelings, and
pain. Have group members list specific
ways to show compassion to their
spouses.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 8 63
A
Allow 20 minutes
pplication
Read this quote and think about how you and your spouse
deal with anger. Perhaps you can commit yourself to the
biblical principle of “holding back” your anger so that God
can accomplish His purpose in each of your lives.
Couples who are mature in their handling of anger and conflict
know when to keep quiet about trivial matters and when to argue for
the sake of things important to the relationship. It is often sound
advice to do nothing about being irritated or angry at one’s spouse.
There are too many irritations and conflicts of interest in marriage
to get angry at every one of them. What people should not do is to
wear their spouses out with the continued expression of trivial
angers so that important matters are ignored when they arise. On the
benefits of holding anger back, Carol Tavris writes,
In the final analysis, managing anger depends on taking responsibility for one’s emotions and one’s actions:
on refusing the temptation, for instance, to remain stuck
in blame or fury or silent resentment. Once anger
becomes a force to berate the nearest scapegoat instead of
to change a bad situation, it only loses its credibility and
its power. It feeds only on itself. And it sure as sunrise
makes for a grumpy life.
It would be hard to say more clearly that holding anger back can be
very positive; but perhaps the words of Scripture say it best: “a gentle answer turns away wrath...” (Proverbs 15:1).
(Counseling for Anger by Mark P. Cosgrove, PhD., 1988. Word, Inc. Dallas,
Texas. Used with permission.)
According to Proverbs 15:1, how can we prevent anger
from escalating out of control?
Closing Prayer
Our tone of voice and the soft answer
we give to another can decrease the
anger. In marriage, you will not only
have your angry feelings to deal with but
also those of your spouse. Learn how
to avoid unnecessarily fueling your
mate’s anger. This Scripture teaches us
to avoid waving a red flag in front of a
charging bull. Anger will often overtake
you if you stir it up with “grievous
words.” If your spouse is “snorting” and
“pawing the dirt,” don’t say “charge” by
waving the red flag to him/her.
Focus your prayer around this request to God:
Lord, help me see my spouse and/or family members
as God’s gift so I can contribute to make them a better person(s). Help me create opportunities to show
them love, respect, understanding, and intimacy. May
I see disagreements and conflicts as great opportunities for achieving understanding and closeness. Help
me acknowledge my anger, take responsibility for it,
and learn to express it in a way that does not conflict
with God’s Word and His purpose for our marriage.
In Jesus’s name, Amen.
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Responsibility for
9 Accepting
Managing My Anger
Session
I
ntroduction
Opening Prayer
Allow 10 minutes
Thank God for each member of the
group who has attended these past
few weeks. Ask Him for His wisdom,
His input, His guidance.Thank Him for
His presence in each believer and in
your group.
Sharing Question
What is a good thing happening in your life right now?
Share a praise report of God’s goodness in your life.
S
elf–Awareness
Personal response.
Allow 20-25 minutes
Ten Steps in Anger Preventative Maintenance
As we come to the conclusion of our study on controlling
anger in our lives, we should begin to see progress in making anger our servant. As you have worked at accepting
your anger and are developing your skills in anger management, hopefully growth is beginning to take place.
When our two sons were children, very often I would hear
one of them say to the other in a whiny tone as a put-down,
“Oh, why don’t you grow up!” It was used skillfully as a
manipulative statement to get that brother to stop something or to get something done. “You are acting like a
baby” was often heard, too. God wants us to grow up. Of
course, He does not say it in a manipulative, whiny tone of
voice, nor does He humiliate or put us down.
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Session 9 65
In our Spiritual Awareness section we will see that God’s
Word encourages us to become Christlike and mature.
Anger management is ultimately a function of spiritual
maturity. As we grow and develop in our relationship with
God by living a consistent Christian life, we will be able to
control our anger and use it as a gift from God. This takes
time, discipline, and often requires help from others to
whom we are accountable for our growth.
In our study we have discovered the definition of anger,
causes of anger, and the various responses we can make in
feeling, thought, and action with anger. We now come to
terms with the way we accept responsibility for controlling
our anger. It is important to consider ways not only to control anger but also actually take steps to prevent it. We must
work on controlling anger when we are in quiet periods
and not angry. Some suggestions for balancing our lives so
we don’t misuse anger or sin with it are listed below. Apply
these during times of less conflict and reduced anger. As a
friend of mine says, “Strike when the iron is cold, not hot.”
This helps you better manage the hot times when anger
rears its head.
1. Keep your life balanced and purposeful. Maintain goals in
your life—physical, spiritual, intellectual, and social.
Stay active.
2. Do not neglect your physical health, diet, rest, diversion from
routine. Plan times to enjoy God’s beauty outdoors.
Reading good books, meditation, quiet times, and
healthy walks and talks with family and friends help
lower anger levels. Develop an appropriate hobby.
3. Spend time with God, His Word, and in prayer. Cultivate a
quiet time each day that will help you develop God’s
character in your life.
4. Avoid overloads of stress. When crisis comes, learn how to
react emotionally in ways that will help you better
cope. We are more susceptible to anger when
depressed, fearful, or even happy and elated.
5. Be realistic in your expectations of self and others.
Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves and others. One of the quickest ways to overcome hurt and
anger, even prevent it, is to check your expectations.
Are they appropriate and realistic? List those things
that upset you, irritate you. Look at the list. Are the
needs and expectations legitimate? Be honest. Deal
with those that are unrealistic in yourself and others;
otherwise, you will continue to become angry over
them.
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6. Guard your tongue and speech. Practice the art of listening. Listen to your self-talk. Are you negative and selfpitying? Are you critical of self and others? Let God
help you learn to control your tongue.
7. Do not compare yourself to others. Learn to accept others
and their gifts and talents. You do not have to compete with others. Use this creative energy to be productive, not jealous, angry, and bitter at others’ successes and abilities. God created you! Be yourself!
8. Avoid angry people and anger-provoking situations you are
not prepared to handle. Be cautious not to stimulate
anger this way. Remove yourself from people and/or
situations until you have matured enough in patience,
control, and honesty as well as wisdom in responding
to them.
9. Let go of old deposits of anger—forgive and forget. If you
are harboring old hurts and residual anger, resentments that are unresolved, deal with them. As a
Christian, you are a “new person in Christ.” However,
old wounds can still hurt. Heal them through asking
God and others for forgiveness. Forgive—choose to
give up the held grudge. Stop licking old wounds.
Forgiving does not mean we minimize the hurt or
injury inflicted on us. Whatever the case, we must forgive them and ourselves. The other alternatives are to
hold it in, deny it hurts, become bitter or resentful, or
even attack. None of these effectively get rid of pent-up
anger. Practice this in every area of your life. Keep
short accounts of anger, and your life will be less angry.
10. Work on improving your relationships to reduce anger in
them. Plant seeds of peace, joy, and self-control with
those near you. Great dividends will be paid tomorrow
for today’s effort.
Which of the Ten Steps is most difficult for you?
Describe.
Personal response.
Spiritual Awareness Lead-In
Keep setting personal growth goals to improve, mature, and
become the person God wants you to become each day. The
ten ways to prevent anger we have just studied originate in
God’s Word. The following passages provide inspiration to
reach the goal of controlling anger:
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Session 9 67
S
piritual Awareness
Exodus 20:10
Why does God provide a commandment to us regarding
rest and worship?
Psalm 16:9
What does this passage say about rest for our body?
Isaiah 30:15
It is important to develop quiet times with God. How can
quietness and confidence provide strength for you?
Isaiah 40:31
What are the results God promises if we wait on the Lord?
Mark 6:30-31
Why did Jesus feel the disciples needed to rest?
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Allow 20-25 minutes
It provides opportunity to restore ourselves spiritually and physically. These
periodic and regular rests will help us
take better control of our lives and ultimately help us control our anger.
Our bodies need time to be restored.
This includes rest, and rest provides us
with a refreshment that offers a sense
of hope or renewal. When we avoid
overstressing our bodies, minds, and
emotions, we see situations more accurately thus avoiding overreactions in
anger.
To meet the demands of today’s stress,
we need quietness. Being quiet before
God will supply confidence as we are in
His presence. He can help us control
our anger as we let Him provide
strength to deal with people and situations that are difficult. This will help us
calm ourselves and let God give us
peace rather than our lashing out in
anger. It will help us be slow to anger.
His strength helps us overcome self and
sin.
Renewal to face life in supernatural
power that is not self-centered. He is in
control. Have group members make
personal application of the references
to walk, run, and fly like eagles. Share
these in the group.
Daily pressure was overwhelming them
and their time schedule—no time even
to eat. Do you develop quiet, restful
periods in your day to relax and restore
yourself? How could this help you prevent anger “build-up”?
Session 9
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Matthew 6:15
What spiritual principle is taught by Jesus in this verse?
Forgiveness is necessary to be forgiven.
Whom, if anyone, do you need to forgive?
Personal response.
What steps can you take to do so?
Personal response.
Matthew 18:21-35
Read this parable of the “unmerciful servant” and answer
the following questions:
Who has extended forgiveness to you?
Personal response.
To whom have you given a lot of forgiveness?
Personal response.
When you forgive others, how does it affect you?
Personal response.
How do you forgive people who don’t know they have
offended you?
Personal response.
How important is the practice of forgiveness in helping you
control your anger?
Personal response.
How can a constant state of forgiveness prevent anger?
Personal response.
Philippians 2:12-14
How can finding God’s purpose and plan for your life prevent anger?
A person who has accepted the fact
that God loves them and has a plan
and purpose for them is less likely to
be frustrated by others’ expectations
or failures. God gives them a reason
for living.
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Session 9 69
Philippians 4:4-7
What plan does God give us in this passage to help us
reduce tension, fear, and anxiety that can lead to anger?
How would this prevent anger?
Philippians 4:12-13
How does contentment calm and prevent outbursts of
anger?
Through prayer, trusting God, being
thankful, and telling God our problems
and needs, we can become peaceful
people—people controlled by God’s
peace.
Peaceful attitudes help us overcome
angry outbursts.
Accepting life, others, myself, and my
circumstances can help me overcome
my frustration.
James 3:3-12
Read this passage about our speech. Think about these
questions:
Is it easy for you to control your tongue?
Personal response.
How does controlling your tongue keep others from
exploding in anger?
Personal response.
How does slow, kind, and soft speech, even silence, calm
you and others, and prevent anger from controlling you?
The Bible has much to say about our
speech.The tongue can be a weapon of
anger or an agent of blessing. Ask them
to share their thoughts.
Hebrews 6:1-3
We began this session with the importance of maturing or
growing up in Christ. If anger is basically a spiritual problem, what are God’s goal and desire for us in growing up
with regard to managing anger?
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God wants us to respond to life as Jesus
would. Can we let the Holy Spirit control us and our anger?
Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
A
pplication
Allow 20 minutes
In getting control over anger in your life, be patient. This
is not easily accomplished in one step or by memorizing the
techniques we have suggested. However, every step toward
your goal will bring you closer to it.
As we have seen, anger is a potential force created by God
for productive use in our lives. Take this energy and use it
and multiply it. Let anger not only be your friend but also
make it your servant—make it God’s servant. God can help
you manage anger and use it for His glory.
Have group members discuss area(s) of anger in their
lives that with God’s help they are changing from master
to servant. Give examples.
Personal response.
In addition to Christ, who will you look to for continued
accountability for support in dealing with anger?
Personal response.
Closing Prayer
As this session is concluded, ask each member to say a brief
prayer for themselves and others that God will help them
mature in self-control and bring the powerful emotion of
anger under the direction and control of the Spirit.
Have group members continue to
encourage one another in making
progress to make anger their servant.
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Selected Bibliography
Augsburger, David, Caring Enough to Confront. Glendale: Regal Books, 1980.
Balswick, Jack and Judith, The Dual-Earner Marriage: The Elaborate Balancing Act. Grand Rapids:
Revell, 1995.
Carlson, Dwight L., Overcoming Hurts and Anger. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers,
1981.
Carter, Les, and Frank Minirth, The Anger Workbook. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1993.
Cosgrove, Mark P., Counseling for Anger: Resources for Christian Counseling. Dallas: Word Publishing,
1988.
Dobbins, Richard D., Your Emotional and Spiritual Power. Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H.
Revell, 1984.
Holland, N. Elizabeth, M.D., Godly Parenting:Parenting Skills at Each Stage of Growth—Group
Workbook. Chattanooga: Turning Point Ministries, 1995.
Jacobs, Joan, Feelings. Wheaton: Tyndale House, 1976.
Lee, Jimmy Ray, Behind Our Sunday Smiles. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1991.
_______, Insight Group Workbook,Third Edition. Chattanooga: Turning Point Ministries, 1995.
Minirth, Frank and Paul Meier, Happiness Is A Choice. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978.
________, Richard Meier, and Don Hawkins, The Healthy Christian Life:the Minirth-Meier Clinic Bible
Study Guide. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1988.
Oliver, Gary Jackson and H.Norman Wright,When Anger His Home. Chicago: Moody Press, 1992.
Parrott III, Les, Helping The Struggling Adolescent. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1993.
Schmidt, Jerry and Raymond Brock, The Emotions of a Man. Eugene: Harvest House, 1983.
Springle, Pat, Codependency: A Christian Perspective—Breaking Free from the Hurt and Manipulation of
Dysfunctional Relationships. Houston: Rapha Publishing/Word, 1993.
Wright, H. Norman, The Power of a Parent’s Words. Ventura, CA: Regal, 1990.
_______, Communication: Key to Your Marriage. Glendale: Regal, 1974.
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Facilitator’s Guide: Anger: Our Master or Our Servant, Turning Point, P. O. Box 22127, Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127
Is there any good reason why you cannot receive
Jesus Christ right now?
How to receive Christ:
1. Admit your need (that you are a sinner).
2. Be willing to turn from your sins (repent).
3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you on the cross and rose from
the grave.
4. Through prayer, invite Jesus Christ to come in and control your
life through the Holy Spirit (receive Him as Savior and Lord).
What to Pray
Dear God,
I know that I am a sinner and need Your forgiveness.
I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins.
I am willing to turn from my sins.
I now invite Jesus Christ to come into my heart and life as
my personal Savior.
I am willing, by God’s strength, to follow and obey Jesus
Christ as the Lord of my life.
Date
Signature
The Bible says: “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be
saved.” Romans 10:13
“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in
his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith,
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:1
When we receive Christ, we are born into the family of God
through the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit who lives within
every believer. This process is called regeneration or the new birth.
Share your decision to receive Christ with another person.
Connect to a local church.
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