Chapter 05 Planning, Composing, and Revising Good Writers Ten Ways to Make Composing Writing Easier to Read Activities Revise, Edit, and Half-Truths Proofread 5-1 Ways Good Writers Write Revise first drafts Write regularly Break big jobs into small chunks Focus on purpose, audience Choose from several different strategies Use rules flexibly Finish a draft before editing text 5-2 Basic Composing Activities: Planning Analyze problem, define purposes, analyze audiences Brainstorm information to include Gather information Select the points you want to make Choose organization pattern 5-3 Basic Composing Activities: Writing Put ideas into words on paper or screen • • • • Make a list Develop headings Jot notes Do stream-ofconsciousness writing • Create drafts 5-4 Basic Composing Activities: Revising Evaluate in terms of audience, goals, and situation • Will audience understand it? • Is it complete? • Is it convincing? Friendly? Get feedback from someone else Add, delete, substitute, or rearrange single words or large sections 5-5 Basic Composing Activities: Editing Focus on surface of message • Standard English Grammar and spelling Capitalization and punctuation • Business principles Build goodwill Use conventional format Proofread; correct typographical errors 5-6 More About Composing Activities Don’t have to do in specific order Don’t have to finish one to start another Don’t have to use all activities for every message 5-7 Half-Truths about Style 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Write as you talk Never use I 1/2 Never use You Never begin sentence with And or But Never end sentence with preposition Big words impress people Never use sentences with more than 20 words, or paragraphs with more than 8 lines 5-8 Write as You Talk: Yes . . . But Yes • Do it for first draft • Read draft aloud to test But • Expect awkward, repetitive, badly organized prose • Plan to revise and edit 5-9 Never Use I: Yes . . . But Yes • I can make writing seem self-centered • I can make ideas seem tentative But • Use I to tell what you did, said, saw—it’s smoother 5-10 Never Use You: Yes . . . But Yes • Writing to familiar audiences • Describing audience benefits • Writing sales text But • Avoid in formal reports or other situations where formality is required • Negative news: Don’t connect the reader. 5-11 Never Begin Sentence with And or But And may make idea seem like afterthought And gives effect of natural speech But serves as a signpost, signals a shift But can make writing smoother 5-12 Never End a Sentence with a Preposition: Yes . . . But Yes • A preposition may not be worth emphasizing this way • Readers expect something to follow a preposition • Avoid in job application letters, reports, formal presentations But • OK now and then 5-13 Big Words Impress People: Yes . . . But Yes • You may want to show formality or technical expertise But • Big words distance you from audiences • Big words may be misunderstood • Misused words make you look foolish 5-14 Never Use Sentences With More Than 20 Words, or Paragraphs With More Than 8 Lines Yes • Sometimes long sentences and paragraphs can be difficult to read But • Long sentences with parallel clauses may be clear • Longer paragraphs with bulleted lists may be clear • Use the expectations of your audience, context, and purpose 5-15 Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read As you choose words— 1. Use accurate, appropriate, and familiar words 2. Avoid technical jargon; eliminate business jargon 5-16 Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read, continued… As you write and revise sentences— 3. Use active voice most of the time 4. Use verbs—not nouns—to carry weight of sentence 5. Eliminate wordiness 6. Vary sentence length and structure 7. Use parallel structure 8. Put readers in your sentences 5-17 Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read, continued… As you write and revise paragraphs— 9. Begin most with topic sentence 10.Use transitions to link ideas 5-18 1. Use Accurate, Appropriate Words Denotation—literal meanings; dictionary definitions • Bypassing—two people using same word to mean different things; causes mix-ups Connotation—emotional association; attitude / + nosy / curious fearful / cautious obstinate / firm tax / user fee 5-19 2. Use Familiar Words Words most people know Words that best convey your meaning Shorter, more common words Specific, concrete words 5-20 2. Use Short, Simple Alternatives Stuffy reside commence enumerate finalize utilize Simple live begin list finish, complete use 5-21 2. Avoid Jargon—Mostly Jargon—special terms of technical field • Use in job application letters • Use when essential and known to audience • Replace with plain English, when possible 5-22 2. Omit Business Jargon & Clichés Businessese—needless, old-fashioned wording, overused tired expressions Example Alternative Enclosed please find As per your request I acknowledge receipt of The undersigned Here is As you asked (begin reply) Me 5-23 3. Use Active Voice Active—subject of sentence does action the verb describes: Used most in business writing. Passive—subject is acted upon • Usually includes form of “to be” verb • Change to active if you can • Direct object becomes subject 5-24 3. Passive vs. Active Voice P:The program will be implemented by the agencies. A:The agencies will implement the program. P:These benefits are received by you. A:You receive these benefits. P:A video was ordered. A:The customer ordered a video. 5-25 3. Passive vs. Active Voice, continued… Active voice is better because— • Shorter • Clearer • More interesting Passive voice is better to— • Emphasize object receiving action • Give coherence by repeating word in previous sentence • Avoid placing blame 5-26 4. Use verbs: Avoid hidden verbs Replace this phrase with a verb make an adjustment make a decision perform an examination take into consideration = adjust = decide = examine = consider 5-27 5. Eliminate Wordiness Wordy—idea can be said in fewer words Concise; a mark of good writing • Omit words that say nothing • Combine sentences to save words • Put the meaning in subject and verb 5-28 5. Omit Words that Say Nothing Cut words if idea is clear without them • • . . . period of three months . . . at the present time Replace wordy phrases Not: Let me know as to whether or not we can start drilling in view of the fact that the problem has not been fixed at the present time. But: Let me know whether we can start drilling since the problem has not yet been fixed. 5-29 Lard Factor Thomas Jefferson once observed that “the most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” Fully 1/3 of a first draft is lard; hence, it can be cut out. Fun fact: • The Lord’s Prayer contains 66 words, the Gettysburg Address contains 267 words, but a recent government regulation on the sale of cabbage contains 26,911 words. 5-30 5. Combine Sentences to Save Words: Example w • Infante projected sales of $43 million in the or dy first quarter. Our actual sales have fallen short of that figure by $1.9 million. tig • Although Infante projected first-quarter sales ht of $43 million, actual sales are $1.9 million less than that. 5-31 5. Put Meaning of Sentence in Subject & Verb: Example w • The reason we are recommending the or computerization of this process is because it dy will reduce the time required to obtain data and will give us more accurate data. tig • Computerizing the process will give us more ht accurate data more quickly. 5-32 6. Vary Sentence Length and Structure Edit sentences for tightness Use short sentences when subject matter is complicated Use longer sentences to • Show how ideas link to each other • Avoid choppy sentences • Reduce repetition Group words into chunks Keep verb close to subject 5-33 7. Use Parallel Structure: Example During the interview, job candidates will fa • • • ul ty Take a skills test. The supervisor will interview the prospective employee. A meeting with recently hired workers will be held. During the interview, job candidates will • pa ra lle • l • Take a skills test. Interview with the supervisor. Meet with recently hired workers. 5-34 8. Put Readers in Your Sentences: Example An election to name a beneficiary other than the participant’s spouse must be made with spousal consent, for any participant who is married. If you are married, you need your spouse’s consent to name a beneficiary other than your spouse. “You” gives the second example more impact 5-35 9. Begin Most Paragraphs with Topic Sentence Unity—discusses one idea; a mark of good writing Topic sentence—states main idea • Tells what paragraph is about • Forecasts paragraph’s structure • Helps readers remember points 5-36 10. Use Transitions to Link Ideas Transition—signals the connections between ideas to the reader • Tells if next sentence continues or starts new idea • Tells if next sentence is more or less important than previous • Examples: in addition, similarly, for example, however, on the other hand 5-37 Techniques of Emphasis Short, simple sentences Major idea first (or last) Active voice More space Language that implies importance Repetition Mechanical means Ensure your writing does this appropriately: Don’t mislead your reader. 5-38 Emphasis—Example A Dear Dad: $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on 5-39 Emphasis—Example B Dear Son: I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad 5-40 Revise, Edit, and Proofread Revise – change content, organization, and tone to satisfy purposes and audiences Edit – change mechanical flaws, grammar errors Proofread – correct typing errors 5-41 When You Revise Revise draft three times or more 1. Content and clarity 2. Organization and layout 3. Tone and style Read the document from start to finish Do light revision when time is short 5-42 When You Edit Revise first; then edit Edit hard copy, not screen Check errors you often make: • • • • Sentence structure Agreement: subj./verb, noun/pro. Punctuation, numbers Word usage, spelling 5-43 When You Proofread Check with spell checker and by eye Swap copy with proofing buddy Read once quickly for meaning Read again slowly Trip • Correct any error; reread that line • When you know text well— Read backward (short) Read pages out of order (long) le-Check Numbers Headings First Last Reader’s na me 5-44 Writing Thought “A good writer works hard so that the reader will not have to.” Richard Lauchman, Plain Style, 1993 5-45
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