HEAD OFFICE: MONTREAL,OCTOBER 1965
VOL.46,No.l0
Courtesy
in Correspondence
wentbeyondthe"musts"
of a well-organized
society,
and prescribed
the conductof a gentleman:
to be
gentlewiththosewhoareafflicted,
to refrain
from
gossip,to respect
the aged,andto be kindevento
strangers.
WRITING
LETTERS
is a skill;
writing
courteous
letters
isa social
artworthdeveloping.
Courtesymeansthatyou refusea favourin so
considerate
a way as to keepa friend,and do not
grantcreditin so grudging
a wayas to killallhope
offuture
business.
Considerations
of mannerand demeanourcannot
be dismissed
as frivolous
or unimportant.
Theyare
significant
elements
in thelivesof everyone
froma
statesman
engaging
in international
diplomacy
to the
husbandandwifemakinga go of marriage.
In business, our accomplishments
are enhancedby our
observance
of decorumand manners.
Everyindividual
is required
to operate
withinthe
symbolsystemof his culture.He uses recognized
patternsof behaviour
to demonstrate
thathe has
thequalities
thatarerespected
by hisfellow
men.
Confucius
said:"It is goodmannerswhichmake
theexcellence
of a neighbourhood.
No wisemanwill
settle
wheretheyarelacking."
It may be true,as somepeoplesay,thatmanners
haveprogressively
deteriorated
as society
hasreceded
fromthepatriarchal
stagethrough
industrial
revolution
to theaffluent
age.Oneof thedangers
in thegrowth
of thedemocratic
spiritis thatpeoplecometo take
badmannersas a demonstration
of freedomfromthe
discipline
of non-democracy,
havingnotyetlearned
thatthepowerof thepeople
hasitsduties
as wellas
itsliberties.
How can we definegood manners?To be wellmannered
is to do the thingyoushoulddo although
youare notobliged
to do it.Thismeansbeingconsiderateof others,takingno unfairadvantage,
avoiding
personalities
thathurtpeople,and never
beingintentionally
impolite.
Mannersare of more importance
than laws.The
lawtouches
us onlyhereandthereandnowandthen;
mannersvex or pleaseus, exaltor debaseus, constantly.Mosesis knownas the "greatlaw-giver",
particularly
becausehe inscribed
the TenCommandments,buthe entered
the fieldof manners,
too.He
1
No matterto whatstationin lifeyoubelong,or
how highlyeducatedyou may be, you owe courtesy
to yourfellowmen.Hereis an illustration
fromthe
lifeof SirWinstonChurchill:
On a dayin May1941
whenhe hadalready
beenon hisfeetin theHouseof
Commonswithhardnewsaboutthefighting
in Crete,
he rosefor a secondtimewitha pieceof welcome
news,buthe apologized
allthesameforinterrupting
theHouse:"I do not knowwhetherI mightventure,
withgreatrespect,
to intervene
forone moment.I
havejustreceived
newsthattheBismarck
is sunk."
Goodmanners
include
tact,theartof allarts.Tact
meanstaking
painsandsometrouble
to seethatothers
arenotneglected,
anddoingthekindthingin a pleasantway.Greatleaders
aretactful
in dealing
withpeople,takingmanyprecautions
whichlesser
menneglect.
When writingletters
Haveyoueverstopped
to thinkhowself-revealing
yourlettersare?Socrates
saidto a youngman who
wasintroduced
to himto havehiscapabilities
tested:
"Talkin orderthatI mayseeyou."In theirletters
peoplerevealand picturethemselves
in all their
individuality.
Muchof business
todayis doneby correspondence.
We may closethe biggestdealwithoutmeetingthe
personwithwhomwe transact
the business.
We must
readhisletters
carefully
so as to gethispoint,
and
writeourown letters
carefully
so as to conveyour
meaning.
Morethanthat,we needto writelettersof good
will.It iscourteous
to makeit evident
to yourcorrespondent
thatyouarewriting
himcheerfully
andnot
as a chore.
Congeniality
makesan important
contribution
to
yourhappiness,
evenif it is expressed
in faceof
hostility.
Youbelittle
yourdignityif you allowa
discourteous
correspondent
to set the patternfor
yourreply.
Thereisno surersignofa greatmindthan
thatit refuses
tonoticeannoying
expressions
andthe
cross-grained
humoursof fellowcitizensand colleagues.As the Supermanboastedin Nietzsche’s
doctrine:
"I haveto carrywhatis heavy;andwhat
matterif beetlesand May-bugsalsoalighton my
load!"
Nothingis so disarming
to an angryopponent
as
composure.
Dogsbarkat the slightest
stir,before
theyhaveseenwhether
it be causedby friendor foe,
butman’sreasongiveshimthechanceto deliberate.
Instead
of dashing
offan out-of-temper
letter
withits
sarcastic
phrasesand bluntaggressiveness
we can
analyse
thesituation,
takecommand
of it,andavoida
shabbydisplay
of peevishness.
When a man loseshis temperhe also loseshis
senseof dignity,
hiscommonsense,and hisfeeling
forjustice.
Itisa goodrule,
whenyouaresoexasperated thatyousimplymustgetsomething
offyourchest,
to holdoveryourletterfora secondlooktomorrow.
Respect
others
andyourself
Tunein on people.
Oneof thesurestwaysto wina
manis to showrespect
forhisknowledge
anddeference
to hisperson.
Thereis no moreevident
signof intellectual
ill
breeding
thanto speakor writeslightingly
of any
knowledge
you yourselfdo not happento possess.
Yoururgeto showyourself
superior
willdiga hole
foryourpride.
Menarefighting
a constant
battle
against
oblivion,
anddo notlikebeingtakenforgranted.
Thecraving
of peoplefor personalrecognition
is a deepand
fundamentalhumanneed. Your lettersshouldbe
writtenso as to makeyourcorrespondent
feelimportant
andcapable.
it is fitting
to yourcorrespondent,
to itssubject
matter,andto you.It is voidof arrogance
andyet
not condescending.
A goodletter
Thereis general
agreement
thatif a letter
is worth
writing
it is worthwriting
well,andno excuseshould
be allowedto interfere.
A firmmay spendmillions
ofdollars
to advertise
itsproducts,
onlyto havesome
untrained,
uninterested
or thoughtless
clerkspoilthe
effect
bywriting
an uninspired
or shoddy
letter.
Thereis roomfor honestpridein thesuccessful
communication
of ideas.Despiteall the imposing
titleshe wonin a lifetime
of serviceto humanity,
Franklin
described
himself
in hisWill:"I,Benjamin
Franklin,
Printer...
"
To be goodcommunication,
yourletteroughtto
havea tendency
to benefit
the reader;
it shouldbe
written
distinctly
andclearly.
Yourwordsshouldbe
themostexpressive
thatthelanguage
affords
provided
thattheyaregenerally
understood.
Butthereis moreto it thanthat.Goodletters
are
not merelythe writtenrecordof information
we
desireto reachsomeoneelse.We are losingtheir
greatest
effectiveness
unlesswe usethemto influence
people.Veryfew propositions
are decidedby pure
logic,
butinvolve
theimagindtion
andfeelings.
Goodcomposition
in letter-writing
doesnot mean
usingrhymeor alliteration,
butthegraceful
expression
ofa creative
spirit.
It changes
thewriting
of letters
froma dullgrindto an exciting
exercise
in which
yourmindgiveslifeto yourwords.
Thebasisof all thisis to findoutthe dominant
interest
of the personto whomyou arewriting,
and
include
in yourletter
someappeal
to thatinterest.
You cannotjustpickup an incomingletterand
startdictating
a reply.Takea lookat whatyouwant
to express
and thenthinkabouthow to put it down.
Askyourself
whatareyourcorrespondent’s
interests,
and write aboutthem. You will be surprisedto
Courtesy
demands,
therefore,
thatyou treatyour
noticehowfewarethequestions
andhowunpenetratcorrespondent’s
name and positionand titlewith
ing are the commentsyou receiveaboutyourown
respect.
Somepeople,buttheyare few,do not care
Thinkwhatinteresting
thingsyou could
whatyoucallthemso longas theygettheinformation activities.
they want.Most peoplerespecttheirnames,and
tellif someone
pushedtheproperbutton!
expectyou to do so too.Yourletter,thoughit be
When you writea letteryou are in competition
truthful,
mustnotrubyourcorrespondent
the wrong
with
many otherwritersfor yourcorrespondent’s
way.Givehimnourishment
forhisself-esteem.
attention
andinterest.
Thisis nota competition
in
whichthe winneris theman who writesmostpoetiIt iswellto keepin mindthattheletter
youwrite
may be read by othersthan the man to whom you
cally,or mostgrammatically,
or mostfluently,
or
address
it"hissecretary,
hisassistant,
theperson
who
mostornately.
It is onein whichtheprizegoesto the
willhaveto dealdirectly
withthematter
aboutwhich
personwho can bestguideand informandpersuade.
youwrite,andthefilingclerks.To humiliate
your
To giveinformation
is onefunction
of a letter.To
correspondent
in theeyesof thesepeople
is to impart persuade
to someaction
or belief
is another
function.
a grievous
wound.
To combinethesein friendly
language
requires
the
greatest
skill
and
a
warm
heart.
Everyletter,
eventhemostofficial,
iscapable
of
a peculiar
dignity
in theformof it,peculiar
in that
Allcorrespondence
willadhereto thesimplerules
easierthanto changetheintellectual
capacity
of
another.
People
require
different
periods
formental
digestion,
buteveryone
requires
sometimeto assimilate
whathe
reads.We shouldallowfor thisin our correspondence,and by simplicity
of explanation
make the
digestive
process
easier.
It is lessdifficult
to move
yourcorrespondent
fromone pointof viewto its
oppositeby shortstepsthan longones.Showhim
Theexchange
of ideas
thatyou haveexploredalternatives
and have objectively
analysed
their
possibilities
and
drawbacks.
A senseof participation
andsharing
characterizes
successful
communication,
and thisis helpedwhen
Alwaysleavea way of escapeopento yourcorreyou conveysomething
of yourfeelings
and motives. spondent.
Thereis muchto be saidfortheoldChinese
doctrine
of "face-saving".
The mostimportantexecutivecharacteristic
of
Andknowwhento givein. Therewas a philosopher
whichwe arecertainis theabilityto communicate
who
arguedwithan emperor,and lost."I am never
two ways--outward
and inward.Whilewritingin
ashamed,"
he remarked,
"to be confutedby one who
sucha wayas to giveyourreadertheopportunity
to
ismaster
offifty
legions."
apprehend
your meaningreadilyand precisely,
be
sureto givehimhisturnto express
histhoughts
so
thatyouunderstand
them.
of commondecency,
butyoucan go further.
Let your
lettershave somethingin them not commonand
ordinary.
Justas smalltalkis necessary
in social
intercourse,
sosmall
talkisneeded
ina letter.
Ithelps
to bridgethe gap betweenthoughtand thought;it
bringsdownthetechnicalities
andabstractions
to the
humanlevel.
Constructive
andpositive
The lettersexchanged
betweenyouand a customer
or supplierare nothingmorethana conversation
betweentwo peopletalkingof theiraffairs.
They
shouldhavethegraceandurbanity
you wouldusein
a clublounge
or overa coffee
table.
Duringtheseconversations
by mailyou willrun
intothesesituations:
sometimes
youareright;
sometimesboth are partlyright;sometimesthe other
personis right.Because
of thesepossibilities,
you
needto payattention,
notto listenby halves.
What
yourcorrespondent
is sayingto youmaybe misguided,
butit servesto bringyourthinking
intofocus.The
greatorator
ofancient
times,
Cicero,
leftiton record
thathe alwaysstudiedhisadversary’s
casewithas
great,
if notwithstillgreater,
intensity
thanhisown.
Cicerobelieved
thathe whoknowsonlyhisownside
ofthecaseknows
little
ofthat.
When a troublesomesuggestionhas been made,
restate
it clearly
andsimply
fortworeasons:
to make
surethatyouarebothwriting
aboutthesamething,
and to make evident your sympathyand understanding.
It is neververysatisfactory
merelyto clearyour
correspondent’s
mindof error;
it is equally
necessary
to setit thinking
correctly.
Hereis another
areawhere
yourpersonal
interest
counts.
Youcandipa thousand
pens intoa thousandink-potswithoutmovingthe
mindof yourcorrespondent
an inch,butif youpluck
a phraseof interest
to himfromtheactivity
of your
mind,youhavehimin thehollowof yourhand.
Charmingwaysare quickwinners.Theseare your
expression
of consideration
andgoodwill.
Far from
beingevidence
of cowardice,
intelligent
compromise
is oftentheessenceof courageous
wisdom.Whenyou
yieldon smallpointswhichareof concernto your
correspondent,
thenoutof sheerchivalry
he is likely
to giveinto youonpoints
which
arevital
toyourcase.
We can say thatthe firstthinga correspondent
looks
forina letter
isfriendliness.
Thenhe seeks
some
sparkof emotional
appealor response.
Theseare not achievedby havingbesideyou an
arrayof pleasant
wordsandsentiments
forinsertion
in yourletters.
Sucha listmayhelpyouto express
butunless
yourfriendliness
is realyouare
Everywiseperson
expects,
andwelcomes,
objections yourself,
putting
up
a
fragile
sham
front.
and opposition
to hisideasand planswhenhe first
bringsthem forward.He appreciates
havingthese
Nexton thelist,or perhaps
it should
be first,
your
protests
outin theopenso thathe canmeetthemand
correspondent
requiresthatyourreplybe prompt.
leadtheirauthor
towarda different
wayof thinking. Peoplemaydiffer
abouttheforma letter
shouldtake,
how
lengthy
it
should
be,
and
many
other
points,
In developing
thiswritten
conversation
it is imporbut no one can successfully
argueagainstthe need
tantto be affablein phraseology
and unvaryingly forpromptness
in writing.
moderate.We all knowpeoplewho are handicapped
by thefactthatevenwhentheirpoints
arevalidthey
Someoffices
havetherulethatallletters
mustbe
acknowledged
immediately,
even thoughactionon
presentthemwithsuchscreechiness
as to makeus
backaway.
themmay be delayed.
Thiscourteous
gestureserves
to
assure
the
reader
that
his
letter
has
beenreceived
If someone
hasdifficulty
in taking
in whatyouhave
and
will
be
given
full
attention.
written,
thinkfirstwhetherwhatyou wrotewasas
"Discretion"
is a goodwordfortheletter-writer
clearas youcouldhavemadeit.Thefaultmaybe in
to havein mind.Takeno liberties,
eitherin blaming
yourself,
andto changea faultin oneselfis much
fora daybeforeadmitting
thata customer
hasfound
faultwithsomeoneor something
underhis management,andoneof yourassistants
holdsbacktheletter
untilyou are in a receptive
frameof mind-- then
youhavelostthepriceless
advantage
of quickaction.
or in complimenting.
Intimacy
is notan excusefor
roughmanners,
norfortelling
thetruthoutof place
or unnecessarily.
Prudence
inletter-writing
willmake
up for manylacks.
If,in spiteofallyourefforts
tobe moderate
andto
compromise,you must disagreewith your correspondent,
do it gently.
Avoiddeliveringfinaljudgments.
On the otherhand-appreciation
Dogmatism
isallrightina railroad
time-table,
butit
Courtesy
is notonlyin response
to somechallenge
has littleplacein the discussion
of a commercial
or act.It is outgoing,
seeking
meansforexpression.
transaction
or a personal
problem.
The worstsin towardourfellowcreatures,
saidthe
Oneof thegreatest
talents
is thatof knowing
when
sharp-tongued
GeorgeBernardShaw,is not to hate
to giveway,and thento yieldwithgoodgrace.You
them,butto be indifferent
to them.
therebyremoveall appearance
of constraint,
and
To praisegoodworkor actions
heartily
is in some
likethewarriors
in KingHenryV, sheathe
yourswords
measure
to takepartin them.Because
therearemany
forlackof argument.
timeswhenit is necessary
to dealsternly
withpeople
it seemsonlysensibleto takeadvantage
of every
Complaint
letters
opportunity
to recognize
and compliment
them.Dr.
SamuelJohnsonwrotewithbitterness
to the Earl
Thereis no moretesting
exercise
in business
than
of
Chesterfield:
"I
had
done
all
that
I
could;
andno
the handlingof complaintletters.Do not do it
manis wellpleased
to havehisallneglected,
be it
grudgingly.
eversolittle."
A letterof complaintis advancewarningof a
When someonewritesyou a letterof particular
possiblerupturewith yourcorrespondent.
A most
charmor readyunderstanding,
do not shy awayfrom
effective
tactic
istotreat
itasa constructive
suggestion writing
to express
yourcordial
appreciation.
abouthowto improveyourservice.
Tellyourcorrespondenthe has done you a good turn. A quite
moderate
degree
of conciliatory
behaviour
willplacate
We are not machines
yourcorrespondent
and winhim overto the adjustIn anydiscussion
of letter-writing,
someone
issure
mentyousuggest.
to bringup thequestion
of the modernwayof doing
Aboveall,if you or yourfirmare in thewrong,
things.Theydenythe factthatcommunication
beadmitit quicklyand whole-heartedly.
Insteadof
tweenpeopleis not a variation
of communication
tryingoutan alibi,or working
aroundto yourconbetweencomputers.
fessionby degrees,
comerightoutandsay"Youare
Letter-writing
demands
thatwe writeas if we were
entirelycorrect"or "Youare quiterightto comtalking
with
one
of
our
peers.If we mustchoose
plain".
Oneof Confucius’
mostfamous
sayings
is that
betweendiscourteous
abruptness
and the snuffyand
"a man who has madea mistakeand doesn’tcorrect
old-fashioned
manners
of
courtesy,
business
willbe
it is makinganother
mistake".
thebetterandhumanrelations
willbe happier
if we
Seldomis it safeto jokeabouta complaint.
People lean towardthe latter.Many schoolshave most
withcomplaints
usually
cravesympathy,
not humour. lamentably
neglected
toprovide
pupils
withalternative
courtesy
phrasesto use insteadof thosewhichare
Sarcasm
is a sharpweapon
andis sureto leavea deep
wound.To make yourcorrespondent
appearridicucondemned.
lousmaygiveyoua narrowsortof satisfaction,
but
The greatest
socialassetthata man or womancan
result
in grievous
harmto yourfirmor yourcause.
haveis charm,andcharmcannotexistwithoutgood
manners.
Thisdoesnotmeanslavishly
following
some
Yourletterof apologyfora mistakeneednotbe
rules,
but
using
habitually
manners
polished
by
the
tear-stained,
but it shouldbe sincereand should
practice
of kindimpulses.
evidence
yourintegrity
and chivalry.
As Princess continuous
Victoria
wrotein her diary:"Peoplewillreadily
Courtesy
is farandawaythemosteffective
quality
forgetan insultoi"an injurywhenothersowntheir
to liftyouabovethecrowd.It makesyoutreatevery
faultandexpress
sorrowor regretat whattheyhave
man withsuchconsideration
thathis memoryof you
done."Theletterof apology
shouldbe signedby an
willbepleasant.
officerof importance
in yourorganization.
This
Ralph Waldo Emersonexpresseda true idea of
demonstrates
to themanwitha grievance
thathe is
courtesy
in his "Conductof Life".Some people
someoneof account.
brushoff goodmannersas beingsuperficial,
but
Do notletyourpeoplebottle
up complaint
letters. Emerson said: "Mannersare the happy ways of
Keepa "hotline"open.If an employee
takeshalfa
doingthings.
If theyaresuperficial,
so arethedewday to decidethata complaintis worthpassing
drops which give such a depth to the morning
upstairs
to his manager,
andthe managerhesitates meadows."
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as second
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