Vol. 14 Issue 44
All Rights Reserved © 2016
WEIRD JOBS
CHICKEN SEXER: checking baby chicks to determine whether they’re male or female
HAIR BOILER: boiling animal hair for a
living!
VERMICULTURIST: worm farmer.
CHEESE SPRAYER: spraying layers of
cheese on popcorn!
BLUEBERRY COUNTER: One potato, two
potato, three potato… more?!
ODOR JUDGERS: tester for deodorant effectiveness!
EYE BANK PROCURER: Gathering eyes and corneas for transplants and research, ya see?
FISH LIVER SORTER: sort into buckets livers of
different sizes, shapes, colors and textures.
GOLF BALL DIVER: Diver that’s charged
with picking up golf balls from the bottom of
water hazards at golf courses
PET FOOD TESTER: makes sure that the food we feed our
pets is tasty and has all the ingredients
listed on the label
PAPER TOWEL SNIFFER: people are
paid to smell paper towels to verify
that they have no smell at all!
PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - [email protected] - 480.983.9143
FISH AND HOUSEGUESTS BEGIN TO SMELL AFTER 3 DAYS
I DON’T CARE THAT THEY STOLE MY IDEA...I CARE THAT THEY DON’T HAVE ANY OF THEIR OWN.—NIKOLA TESLA
IT’S OKAY TO TRUST GOD; GO AHEAD...TRY IT
THE BEST WAY TO KEEP FROM STEPPING ON OTHER PEOPLES TOES IS TO PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
FOLLICLE CHALLENGED
Two women were discussing the upcoming dance
at the country club.
"We're supposed to wear something that matches
our husband's hair, so I'm wearing a new dress with
grey pinstripes," said one of the women.
"Oh my," said the other, looking at her
bald headed husband, "I'd better not go."
GUEST SPEAKER
A guest at a dinner party noticed the host’s pedigreed
dog looking hungrily at every bite he took.
Finally he took a small piece of meat from his
plate.
Before he gave it to the animal he held it up
and said, "Speak!"
“Well,” the dog answered quietly, "Under the
circumstances, I hardly know what to say!"
AN EVANGELIST'S PRAYER
During a revival an evangelist asked for people in need of prayer. One man's request
was for his hearing. The evangelist spit on
his finger, put it in the man's ear, and asked
him, "How's your hearing now?"
The man replied, "I wouldn’t know. It's not
until next Tuesday."
GOD NOT ONLY SEES WHERE YOU ARE, HE SEES WHERE YOU CAN BE
YESTERDAY I WAS SO CLEVER THAT I WANTED TO CHANGE THE WORLD; TODAY I AM SO WISE I AM CHANGING MYSELF
* On Nov. 12, 1889, DeWitt Wallace,
founder of Reader's Digest, is born. By the
end of the 20th century, the magazine had
the largest circulation in the world, with
more than 17 million readers in some 20
languages.
* On Nov. 9, 1971, John Emil List slaughters his family in
their Westfield, New Jersey, home and then disappears for 18
years. List had methodically devised a plan, saying the family
was going out of town. By the time authorities discovered the
bodies, he had vanished. List was found
in West Virginia in 1989.
* On Nov. 11, 1921, the Tomb of the
Unknowns is dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery in an Armistice Day ceremony. The Tomb of the Unknowns is
considered the most hallowed grave at
Arlington and has been guarded by sentinels 24/7 since 1937.
OUR SCIENTIFIC POWER HAS OUTRUN OUR SPIRITUAL POWER; WE HAVE GUIDED MISSILES AND MISGUIDED MEN. MLK
* On Nov. 7, 1991, basketball legend Earvin
"Magic" Johnson stuns the
world by announcing his sudden retirement from the Los
Angeles Lakers, after testing
positive for the AIDS virus.
Johnson was one of the first
sports stars to go public about his HIV-positive status.
* On Nov. 8, 1960, John F. Kennedy, 43, becomes the
youngest man and first Roman Catholic ever to be elected
president of the United States.
* On Nov. 10, 1903, U.S. Patent No. 743,801 is awarded to
an Alabama woman named Mary Anderson for her windshield wipers. Anderson tried to sell the patent to a Canadian firm, but it said the device had no practical value.
* On Nov. 13, 1953, Mrs. Thomas J.
White of the Indiana Textbook Commission calls for the removal of references to the book "Robin
Hood" from school textbooks,
claiming it was communistic. Attacks on freedom of expression in
the U.S. during the Red Scare resulted in a number of books
being banned, including
John Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath."
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.
A MAN WITH ‘MONEY TO BURN’ WILL SOON MEET HIS MATCH
NOTHING EVER GOES AWAY UNTIL IT HAS TAUGHT US WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW
NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER BUT BY ME—JESUS
YOU ARE NOT A DROP IN THE OCEAN, YOU ARE THE ENTIRE OCEAN IN A DROP
HIDDEN MEANINGS???
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
STARFISH HAVE NO BRAINS
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
DESPERATION: When you
rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
A MAN SAYS A FEW WORDS IN CHURCH AND
IS MARRIED.
A YEAR LATER HE MUTTERS SOMETHING IN HIS SLEEP AND FINDS HIMSELF DIVORCED
I'VE GOTTEN TO THE AGE WHERE I NEED MY FALSE TEETH AND HEARING AID BEFORE I CAN ASK WHERE I LEFT MY GLASSES
A HEN IS JUST AN EGG’S WAY OF MAKING ANOTHER EGG
THE BEST TEACHERS ARE THOSE
WHO SHOW YOU WHERE TO LOOK, BUT DON’T TELL YOU WHAT TO SEE
ONE MUST BE SANE TO THINK CLEARLY BUT ONE CAN THINK DEEPLY AND BE QUITE INSANE
BE STRONG AND DO NOT GIVE UP, FOR YOUR WORK WILL BE REWARDED (2 CHRONICLES 15:7)
WHEN I LOST MY RIFLE, THE ARMY CHARGED ME 85 DOLLARS. THAT IS WHY, IN THE NAVY, THE CAPTAIN GOES DOWN WITH THE SHIP