Common Weaknesses in your Written Commentaries on Fast Food Nation
Summative Passage from Part II: “Hank died in 1998…an unbearable burden.” [Ch 6, p. 146t-147t]
Introduction Problems:
• After you introduce the book title, genre, and author and publication date, you need to do the following
things:
o Briefly summarize the book as a whole, or Part II of the book, in maybe one or two sentences
o Situate the passage within its context of Ch 6
o Don’t forget to briefly summarize what the passage is about (instead of only giving a canned
summary of the entire work)
o indicate the passage’s function or purpose: since it comes at the very end of the chapter, its
purpose is to summarize the main points of the chapter through the tragic death of Hank; it
also provides balance or symmetry to the chapter since he begins and ends the chapter by
sharing Hank’s story.
• Thesis statements are often too generic; for example many of you wrote weak thesis statements that
lack specificity: “Schlosser uses diction and juxtaposition to criticize the fast food industry” or
“Schlosser appeals to the audience’s pathos, logos, and ethos to inform us of the dark secrets behind
the fast food chains.”
o Make your thesis statement more specific! Make sure you state clearly Schlosser’s purpose in
writing this passage. Here are a few good ones:
§ “Schlosser uses the tragic suicide of a Colorado rancher named Hank to bring into
sharp relief the fast food industry’s stranglehold on America’s independent cattle
ranchers through its ‘homogenizing and consolidating’ influences.” (Mr. Webster)
§ “In this excerpt, the author uses emotional appeal, logical appeal, and anaphora to
illustrate how large meatpacking industries destroy dreams of individual American
ranchers and impacts their lives negatively.” (Elaine)
§ “In order to expose and to an extent, persuade his audience of the ‘homogenizing
influence’ of fast food chains on independent ranchers, Schlosser uses a positive bias
towards Hank and appeals to the values of American individualism using a variety of
writing tools.” (Simran)
Typical problems with your Organization:
• avoid using isolated transitions at the beginning of paragraphs like “first of all,” “Secondly,” “Lastly”;
instead, weave these into your sentence
o For example, instead of just starting a paragraph with “Secondly,…” you can begin with a
transition and topic sentence that refers back to your thesis statement: “The second technique
that Schlosser uses to expose the fast food industry’s deleterious effects on ranchers is
rhetorical devices.”
• Use the Chunk Paragraph Model for organizing a paragraph: Topic Sentence, Commentary, Concrete
Detail, Further Commentary (which answers the “So what?” question), and Concluding Sentence;
many of you are skipping the commentary (CM) by going directly from the Topic Sentence to the
quotation (i.e. Concrete Detail). You’re also skimping on the further commentary in which you talk
about the significance of the piece of evidence and the “effects” of the stylistic feature on the passage
or the reader.
o For example, in the above topic sentence, you can add the following CM before going straight
into your concrete detail: “Rhetorical devices are an important persuasive tool that allows
authors express their ideas elegantly and powerfully. The two rhetorical devices that Schlosser
uses in this passage are parallelism and anaphora….”
Some Important stylistic elements in this passage:
• anecdote about Hank the rancher: 1) this provides symmetry to the chapter since he begun the chapter
describing Hanks life as an independent rancher in Colorado. 2) It also is a powerful way of
summarizing the deleterious influences of the fast food industry upon independent real people. 3) It
appeals to pathos, making the readers sympathize with his plight and consequently become more
critical of the fast food industry. 4) It shows the author’s concern for the “little guy” and disdain for
abusive corporate entities that exploit the average person and prevent him from achieving the
American Dream; 5) It attaches a face to the statistics on suicides of ranchers and farmers, making it
more real and meaningful for the reader.
• rhetorical devices: I gave credit for repetition, parallel structures, and anaphora. Parallelism draws
attention to the fact that each part has equal importance. It also provides balance, rhythm, and clarity
(for more information, click on “Parallelism” in the handout I gave you and read the website’s
definition)
•
•
Logos: appealing to the reader’s reasoning skills by providing facts, statistics, examples, quotations
from interviews, and logical arguments. 1) This is persuasive for the typical educated person, who
needs to see the evidence for themselves before they make up their mind. 2) This also adds to the ethos
of the author, impressing the reader with the extensive amount of research and interviews he has
conducted.
allusion: the reference to the book Broken Heartland by Osha Gray Davidson. Schlosser uses cultural
and literary allusions throughout his book to establish a rapport with the American audience. Another
literary allusion that he uses repeatedly is The Jungle by Upton Sinclaire.
Writing and grammar Problems:
• underline book titles when writing by hand, don’t place them in quotation marks; place chapter titles
and the Part III title in quotation marks
o e.g. Fast Food Nation; “Part II: Meat and Potatoes” and “On the Range”
• When analyzing a book or passage use the present tense as your default verb tense; this is called the
“Historical present” or “Historic present”; Wikipedia says that “Literary critics and grammarians have
said that the historic present has the effect of making past events more vivid.” Note: you may need to
shift periodically to the past tense when describing Jan Wong’s personal life or publication facts