PINE ISLAND SOUNDINGS
By Gerald Hausman
The Case of the Traveling Tree Frog
O
UR FAVORITE TREE FROG SITS
like a gold Buddha in the blue
louvers of a Bahama shutter.
His eyes are pale yellow, his mouth is lit
up with a beatific smile, and his chubby
fingers are neatly folded in front of him.
The only thing that is moving is his
white throat, and it goes tick-tock, tick­
tock, tick-tock, reminding me of my
favorite Peter Pan character.
78
I am enjoymg this frog-his
artful simplicity-when suddenly
our two Great Danes begin bark­
ing. Well, not barking, roaring.
"Is it the UPS man?" my wife,
Loretta, asks.
"I dunno, I can't see him from
here," our parrot George answers.
So help me, that's what he says.
This bird can talk-and why
shouldn't he? He's lived with us
for more than 25 years.
On the other hand, why don't
we speak Parrot? Well, we do, if
we have to. Thankfully, George
likes English.
"Well, is it Ed?" Loretta asks.
"Can't be sure," George says
hoarsely.
"Yes, you can," Loretta says; she
goes outdoors, and yes, it is Ed
with a package for us.
"Ohhhh!" George says cheerily,
when she steps back inside.
Our days go by like this; and we
li1 don't always realize we're talking
zo to animals, not people, unless
:J.
z someone human is visiting, and
-.~ points it out to us. We're used to
animal interactions, creature con­
versations. It happens all the time. As the comedian
once said, it only goes over the top when you fall onto
all fours and sniff the electric man as he prepares to
read your meter.
We're not quite there-yet.
Anyway, back to our traveling tree frog...
The other day we were heading north on Burnt
Store Road when I see something stuck to our rear
window. I slow down and pull over. It's our traveling
tree frog, going for a vacation. His big pulpy fingers
are pasted to the glass, and I have a hard time prying
him off.
Poor guy. He is a bit gray around the gills, so to say.
Well, actually, he's grayish all over, instead of his usual
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gold color, that penultimate look of
primal health and well-being that tree
frogs have when they're near trees.
I guess he did not like riding in a
pickup truck. His startled eyes seem
to say, "Where're we headed, Pops?"
Do I really hear that?
Do his eyes really talk?
"We're going to the beach," I tell
the frog.
"But I don't need a tan!" he says, so
clearly that Loretta comes to the res-
I see something
stuck to our rear
window. I slow
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a vacation.
Poor guy. He is
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ukl
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cue and eases our bewildered friend
into a brown paper bag. Then we
drive on, briefly stopping at Dunkin
Donuts in Punta Gorda, where our
little pal hops out of the bag and ter­
rorizes the place.
He's turned brown as toast. It is dif­
ficult to pry him off the bottom of
the swivel chair, and everybody's
looking at me as I am lying on my
back like a mechanic inspecting a
faulty muffier.
However, once the frog's in the bag,
I reassure the customers that my baby
Godzilla isn't going to hop into their
coffee or devour their doughnuts.
They settle down, eyeing the bag sus­
piciously.
I tell Loretta, "He changes color
GULFSHOIli LIFE· February 2005
under stress-did you see it?"
She nods, "You would too, if some­
one stuffed you into a bag."
Well, to make a long story practi­
cally endless, as the old storyteller
once said, we did bring our little
buddy back home to his louvered
window seat. The moment he smelled
the fragrant humidity of Pine Island,
he vaulted out of the open bag.
I watched in respectful silence as
our fugitive turned back into a
Buddha.
tA Beautiful
New
Look For You
Once the frog's
ever time the natural aging process,
in the bag, I tell
etic influences and sun exposures,
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e facial skin to wrinkle and sag.
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What repose! What grace!
Why can't humans do that?
When I looked at our traveling tree
frog again, he'd gone from gray to
green to gold. No doubt, gold is his
happy color. And all's well that ends
well, they say.
The next time we notice our little
friend, we are parked at Southwest
Florida International Airport. We're
about to board a plane to go to a dis­
tant city to talk about-believe it or
not-tree frogs, parrots and Great
Danes. Not to mention dachshunds
(we have one), cats (we have ~wo),
turtles (t 0 numerous to count), and
the large animal family that sur­
rounds u and includes everything
from Nil monitors to bobcats, owls
and saltw ter crocodiles.
But th re we are-poised to say
goodbye to paradise and fly off to
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LIFE· February 2005
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some snow-bound city-when I
open the trunk, and there's our travel­
ing tree frog meditating like a gold
icon on top of our luggage.
Driving through
the warm after
you've been
fighting the cold is
one of the greatest
rewards of living in
Southwest Florida.
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What to do?
There isn't any time to resolve this
sticky dilemma, so we settle for put­
ting our buddy on an oak tree that is
growing beside the curb.
When we return one week later,
our traveling tree frog is nowhere to
be seen. I search the oak, top and bot­
tom. Even climb into it and have a
look around, causing no end of park­
ing-lot speculation-but no green,
brown, gray, gold little guy!
How sad is that?
However, miracles in nature never
end; they surprise us all the time.
When I pop open the trunk to put
away our suitcases, guess who's sitting
in there with a big golden smile?
Once again, Loretta coaxes him
into that familiar brown paper bag;
and we go home to Bokeelia.
Driving through the warm with
the windows open after you've been
fighting the cold for a week is one of
the greatest rewards of living in
Southwest Florida. It's a dividend that
never disappoints the investor.
Home at last, we stand in our front
yard under the huge-canopied ear
tree and listen to the chorus of crick­
ets singing in the immensity of that
tropical tree's shadow. The symphony
is cut short, however, when our dogs
see us at the window. Suddenly there's
a cacophony of bays, howls and roars
GULFSHORE LIFE· February 2005
that curdle the milk from my last air­
port cafe can leche.
So, we let out our furry friends and
put our traveling tree frog back on his
favorite window seat, and let out a
great sigh of relief.
Before going to bed that night, I
check the Bahama shutter-just to
be sure.
There he is, steeping in the warm,
sultry air.
I say, "Goodnight." But before I
turn out the light, I see our traveling
tree frog wink at me.
"Just another day in the life," he
says.
And if he didn't say it, you can bet
George did.
,.
Pine Island's Gerald Hausman has
written more than 35 books Jar children
and adults} including The Mythology of
Horses (with Loretta Hausman).
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&Cu«om
ur traveling tree frog
O
is actually a common
Cuban tree frog, scien­
Promenade at Bonita .Bag
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Bonita Springs, Fl 34134
(239) 94!J...(}()()6
tific name Osteopilus septentri­
1'h6 Shoppes of Las 0Ias
8I8 East Las Olas Blvd.
onalis. A nocturnal amphibian,
Ft Lauderdale, Fl. 3330I
this frog measures between one
and three-and-a-half inches, the
(954) 462-3222
females slightly larger than the
males. The gray to tan to brown­
ish-gray skin color varies with
stress and environment. The
gold eyes of a Cuban tree frog
are large; the tips of the hands
and feet have sticky cups on
them. This frog barks like a small
dog and makes a snoring noise,
too. Native to Cuba, it's well­
established in tropical and sub­
tropical Florida, eating insects,
lizards and other frogs, including
its own kind.
TaXlirne!
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I t an old problem.
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261.2061
GULFSHORE LIFE· February 2005
83