~~
~~
~
The Funny Man
You’re all through with your plugging and cramming,
And with list’ning to this and to that,
And with wishing exams were all over
So that you could go home for a nap,
So relax now and give your attention,
To the jokes that are chronicled here,
So that when you are through you will murmur
“Gee, it hasn’t been such a tough year.’’
---__
Dapper in restaurant: “Hey there, waiter!
Waiter: “Yes, sir, how’ll you have it? ”
”
__-_
Gus: “So you’re not going to marry that schoolteacher? ”
Chris: “I’ll say not. The other night I had a date
and unfortunately I couldn’t show up, and she wanted
me to bring a written excuse from my parents.”
---_-
Prof: “Give me an example of a domestic animal? ”
Willie D: “A dog.”
Prof: “Correct, sir. Now can you give me an example of another domestic animal? ”
Willie D : “Certainly, another dog.”
___-
Barber: “Haven’t I shaved you before? ”
Art: “NO, I got those scars playing hockey.’’
___-_
Calf: “NOWwhat would you do if you were in my
shoes? ”
Mug!?: “Take them off before I’d trip and break
my neck.
----
With apologies to Scott
Breathes there the man with soul so dead
Who never to himself hath said
When he stubbed his toe getting into bed
x ! x ! xxxxxxxxx ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! 3 ? ?
-----
Prof in Botany: “We have several flowers and plants
‘dog rose’
named with prefix-‘dog;’ .€OF example-the
54
St. Dunstan’s Red and White
and the ‘dog-tooth violet.’ Does anyone know any
others? ”
Trites: “Yes sir: “ ‘Collie-flower.’ ”
___--
Smith: “HOWwould say in fine English, ‘Throw the
ball handy Toady’s head’ ”
Dunn: “Hurl the sphere in the vicinity of Toady’s
pedal extremities.”
--_--
Donald: “What did Kilfoil say when he went to
wake his room-mate? ”
Lynch: “Lazarus, come forth.”
----Alee: “What is the most important thing in a car? ”
Ready : “Power.”
-____
French maid to Dapper: “Miss McM-1-1-an asks
me to tell you that she is a t home.”
Dapper: “My dear girl, I ask you to tell her that I
didn’t come.”
--_-_
Huck: “There is something radically wrong with our
baseball team.’’
Phil: (fresh from perusal of Physics): “Yes, our
battery needs to be charged.”
---Cass (at basket-ball game) : “The referee called a foul,
but I don’t see any feathers.”
Dunphy: “Ssh, this is a picked team.”
-_--
1st student (?): Whatcha’ going to be when you get
through college? ”
2nd student (??): “An old man.”
--_--
The professor in Latin had caught the Coon scribbling
on a piece of paper when he should have been doing some
other thing. He picked it up and read the words:
“Blow, blow, draw, blow, draw, blow, blow.”
Prof: “What on earth is this? ”
Joe: “That’s the music for my mouth-organ.’’
_
_
~
St. Dunstan’s Red and White
55
Popular Lies
Sure I’m studying, aren’t you?
I’ll pay you back next week.
English is interesting, isn’t it?
It’s the last one I have.
I got a date Thursday.
No, I’m not sleeping in, I’m really sick.
-----
Gauthier on campus: “I think Cass is the meanest
guy around here.”
Just then Freddie joined the group.
Gauthier: “Halp, halp, Injuns attackin’, Injuns
attackin’. ”
--_--
Croken: “What animal has two legs and makes a
noise like a dog? ”
Gus: “You got me there. What animal is it? ”
Croken: “A hen.”
Gus: “But a hen doesn’t make a noise like a dog.”
Croken: “Oh, I just put that in to make it a little
harder.”
__--Unconsciousness to doctor: “Dad is quite irritable
since he took sick isn’t he? ”
Doctor: “He is that, young man.”
Reg: ‘Why, he even said the other day that he’d
like to wring my neck.”
Doctor: “Why don’t you humour him, son, why
don’t you humour him? ”
_-__-
Doug: “Who won the game to-night? ”
Red: “Our team of course.”
Doug: “We must have about the best team in the
league, haven’t we? ”
Red: “I don’t know about having the best team,
but I’m darn sure we have the best ‘Rooter.’ ”
Doug: “Who? ”
Red: “Porky, of course.”
___--
Maggie, in French Restaurant: “Je desire de-du lait
et du pain, toot-sweet.”
Waiter : “Me no speak de Engleesh, I call ze managaire. ”
&-LA-
56
St. Dunstan’s Red and White
Berrigan: “What’s the matter with these jokes I
sent in? ”
Joke Ed.: “Well, some I’ve seen before, the rest I
haven’t seen yet.’’
-__--
Scotty to alarm-clock: “Fooled you that time, I was
awake.”
___-__
George: “What three words are the most used among
8. 0.U. students? ”
Dan: “I don’t know.”
George: “Correct,”
___---
Can You Imagine?
An honor in Senior Christian Doctrine.
Freddie cutting his first tooth.
The calf riding a bicycle.
The pumpkin married.
Chris fully awake.
Unconscious conscious.
Red wearing a size five shoe.
Chink getting permission to go to town to celebrate
his birthday.
---Prof. in Physics: “What is an erg, Mr.Monaghan? ”
Fat: “I don’t know, sir, but I had one for breakfast
this morning.”
----
McCloskey (with new suit of B.V.D’S): “How do
you put these blamed things on? ”
Dunn (impatiently): “Oh, put your head in the
leg of them.”
Twenty minutes later McCloskey was still trying to
extricate his head from said 3.V.D’s in order to get t o
chapel on time.
---_-
Doug: ‘‘I see they’ve gone dry in your town.”
Red: “Dry! Say, man, that’s putting it midly. Why,
they’re parched. I received a letter from home yesterday,
and the stamp was stuck on with a pin.”
Calamity is man’s true toueh4tone.-FZetcher.