The Past Tense of Hurt
Character List
Stephanie Drexel - late 40's
Maureen Winkle - late 40's
Brief Description of Play
Two women who 've known each other for years find out that they don't. Know each
other, that is.
1
The Past Tense of Hurt I
The Past Tense of Hurt
by
Name on resume & cover sheet
(Lights up. An ostentatiously furnished living room. Four
envelopes are scotch-taped to the mantelpiece, the way
Christmas stockings would be. The names Madison, McKayla,
Maureen and Drexel, are written in large script on the
envelopes.
A cellphone rings on the coffee table. Pause.
STEPHANIE comes on, wearing a bathrobe, her hair wrapped
in a towel. She picks up, looks at, then stomps the cellphone
savagely. It continues to ring. She answers it.)
STEPHANIE
What, Wallace, what? (listens) Are you kidding me? That is just ... that is fatuum judicum,
pure, green and simple! I can't believe you're interrupting me to table that for the Burbank
case ... what? No, I wasn't having lunchtime sex, I was getting things straightened out here
before I kill myself. Yeah, ha-ha! (listens) How else, death by pizza. (listens) Yeah,
whatever. Don't call anymore, okay? I'm flushing the phone down the toilet. (listens) Yeah,
you too, see you in hell. Goodbye!
(STEPHANIE goes off.
OFF: Sound of toilet flushing.
Long pause.
MAUREEN comes on from the opposite direction, removes
her coat, while looking at the hanging envelopes.
Light fade - brief time passage
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
MAUREEN goes to sit on the couch, puts her feet up, remote in
hand, turns on an unseen TV. She knocks back a glass of
spirits.)
MAUREEN
(claps I pumps fist)
Yeah, that's tellin' em, Judy! Whooo! (Pause, as MAUREEN looks in the direction
STEPHANIE exited. MAUREEN claps louder, stamps feet, pounds the arms of the couch.)
WhoooHooo !! Yeah, Mama!!
(STEPHANIE comes on, moves to MAUREEN, stands behind
the couch, watching her.)
STEPHANIE
Excuse me, Maureen ...
(MAUREEN jumps up, clicks off TV.)
MAUREEN
Miss Stephanie! I. ..your Mercedes wasn't in the driveway! I didn' t know you were-
STEPHANIE
I cabbed it. What are you doing here? The girls won't be home for hours.
MAUREEN
Well. .. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I would come over early and make something
real nice for dinner, something special.
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
STEPHANIE
And you were just relaxing before starting the big pot roast, huh?
MAUREEN
Oh, I'm sorry. I just got off from the hotel and wanted to rest my feet. Any other time, I
would get right to work, but my leg's been bothering me again. My sciatica-
STEPHANIE
Look, I don't have time to hear about your health issues, okay? I just wish you weren't in the
house right now. (moves to look out window) You can't be here. On the other hand, it's a
good thing. (beat) What an imbroglio; I need you here, but I don't want you here.
MAUREEN
You mean I'm fired?
STEPHANIE
What? No, no, you little fool. I need you in my employ. (beat) On your day off I spend way
too much time re-organizing the stacks of dirty plates and glasses in the dishwasher so that I
can wedge more in. Nobody ever empties it but you; we just keep adding more and re-setting
it.
MAUREEN
I always get after the girls to help out -
STEPHANIE
When' s the last time you vacuumed? Is that your hair down there on the floor, or is it dental
floss?
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
MAUREEN
I'll go get the Hoover right away-
STEPHANIE
NO! I wouldn't be able to tolerate a sound like that right now! I'm trying to do something
important and it's not going well.
MAUREEN
That's really hard to believe, Miss Stephanie. You excel at every single thing you attempt.
Just look at this house and your job and your car.
STEPHANIE
Fiddlesticks. Stuff and nonsense.
MAUREEN
Oh. (pause) Thank you for not being mad. I'd never get a job as good as this again, with a
nice boss like you! Remember I lied over the phone and said I was twenty-one? But you
didn't hold that against me, not you-
STEPHANIE
Great. Now look, the girls -
MAUREEN
Do you want me to go?
STEPHANIE
No! I want ME to go! But listen, I need someone to be here when the girls get in. Just stay
away from my room, will you?
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
MAUREEN
All right. But you let me know if there's anything I can do to help. (beat) Is there?
Anything I can do? About anything?
STEPHANIE
You said you were going to make a roast. Get to it.
(STEPHANIE starts off. MAUREEN rushes to intercept her.
The two are literally jockeying to get past each other during
the following exchange.)
MAUREEN
Yes, Miss Stephanie. But there's just one thing -
STEPHANIE
Hey! The kitchen is that way! (Points) And don't put so many damn potatoes in there.
MAUREEN
The girls won't eat them, that's for sure. I'll have to make a snack first. They'll want
something to eat the minute they come in the door. They're always so hungry when they get
off the school bus.
STEPHANIE
Great. Now, if you don't mind-
MAUREEN
They'll want something sweet, salty and fast. Chips and soda, and that's why they have pizza
faces. I try not to give them too much of that stuff. They need something healthy. And it's
no easy task with McKayla and her pickiness. Pick, pickity pick.
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STEPHANIE
You mean to say Madison doesn't do that?
MAUREEN
No, just McKayla. Madison eats anything, even tripe.
STEPHANIE
Whatever. Deal with it. (starts off)
MAUREEN
(still maneuvering to block STEPHANIE's way)
I can't believe that private school doesn't even give them lunch, what with all the money you
pay them. To tell the truth, I think the girls trade whatever I make for them right there on the
way to school, on the bus, before they even reach the school grounds. Then I just bet they
leave the campus and go to the fast food place. (sighs) Still, I make sure they have
something. Ifl don't make them that sandwich the night before, they won't have anything.
STEPHANIE
Are you judging me for not packing a sack lunch for my girls?
MAUREEN
Oh, no, not at all!
(Pause, as they stare at each other)
STEPHANIE
I'm glad I'm not here when they come home. I bet they jump on you like a pair of
Schnauzers. (waves hands like paws and hangs tongue, panting) Yap, yap, yap, slobber!
(beat) I know they like you better than me. The three of you are allied against me.
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
STEPHANIE
You mean to say Madison doesn't do that?
MAUREEN
No, just McKayla. Madison eats anything, even tripe.
STEPHANIE
Whatever. Deal with it. (starts off)
MAUREEN
(still maneuvering to block STEPHANIE's way)
I can' t believe that private school doesn't even give them lunch, what with all the money you
pay them. To tell the truth, I think the girls trade whatever I make for them right there on the
way to school, on the bus, before they even reach the school grounds. Then I just bet they
leave the campus and go to the fast food place. (sighs) Still, I make sure they have
something. If I don't make them that sandwich the night before, they won't have anything.
STEPHANIE
Are you judging me for not packing a sack lunch for my girls?
MAUREEN
Oh, no, not at all!
(Pause, as they stare at each other)
STEPHANIE
I'm glad I'm not here when they come home. I bet they jump on you like a pair of
Schnauzers. (waves hands like paws and hangs tongue, panting) Yap, yap, yap, slobber!
(beat) I know they like you better than me. The three of you are allied against me.
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MAUREEN
That's not.. .but it's true that I get along real well both girls, Miss -
STEPHANIE
You don't like me, do you? Never have. (beat) No, it's more like resent. You resent me.
MAUREEEN
Well, why would I not like -
STEPHANIE
Look at us! I'm a person of color, a Black person, with a very good job, a huge house and an
expensive car. You're White and you clean my toilet. You don't just resent me, you fucking
hate me.
MAUREEN
Oh, you know that isn't so, Miss -
STEPHANIE
You want to see me dead, don't you? Don't you?!
MAUREEN
No, Miss Stephanie!
STEPHANIE
I'm at the firm from dawn until way past goddamned dusk! You think I'm going to have the
strength to spread PB&J on bread when I come through the door at midnight?
MAUREEN
They don't even eat that. They say it's po' folks food.
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
STEPHANIE
Then get the roast going so they can have roast beefwith horseradish sandwiches for lunch
tomorrow! Go on, git! And make sure you put fresh lettuce and tomatoes on them!
MAUREEN
Yes, Ma'am. (starts off in the other direction) Sure you don't want any help with your
problem? I don't mean to be nosy, but ... you said it wasn't going well. (beat) Maybe there's
something I can do to help. (beat) What exactly ... are you doing?
STEPHANIE
You're going to find out real soon. Trust me. You, the firm, my ex. Everybody.
(STEPHANIE storms off. MAUREEN runs after
STEPHANIE.)
MAUREEN
You weren't supposed to be here! I came early to steal!
(Pause. STEPHANIE comes back on slowly.)
STEPHANIE
What did you say? Can't you see I'm busy here?!!
MAUREEN
I. .. I've been doing it for months. It' s difficult when the girls are here. They're always
underfoot. (STEPHANIE stares, open-mouthed.) It's been eating me up, the guilt. Yes, I
took things. It's not like you don't have excess!
(STEPHANIE circles around MAUREEN)
STEPHANIE
What did you take? Go on, tell me.
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MAUREEN
Well, this week, just some earrings and a bracelet. And some forks.
STEPHANIE
Earrings and bracelet? From where?
MAUREEN
The upstairs hall closet, in a box, in the back on the floor. See? You have so much! You
wouldn't have known any of it was there if I hadn't told you! There's more stuff in this house
than you know what to do with -
STEPHANIE
So that entitles you to it?
MAUREEN
Jewelry you didn't know you had. Two forks. The girls don't even like to eat with the
silverware. They prefer plastic, like that combination spoon and fork thing-
STEPHANIE
Spork. Figures.
MAUREEN
I sit around polishing that silver for nothing. Nobody uses it and it gets ugly fast anyway.
STEPHANIE
So get a pillowcase like the burglar you are and load up a pile of it. Take the whole
goddamned set! Back a U-haul into the garage and make off with everything, you roaring
cliche! In fact-!
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
(STEPHANIE goes off. MAUREEN looks at her watch, goes
to the window and looks out, moves to the couch and gulps
down the rest of her drink. STEPHANIE returns with a big
box.)
STEPHANIE
Okay! I was going to leave all this for the Goodwill, but now that you're here, let's go
through it. (points) I'll make a pile for you and a pile for those bandits. (lifts things from the
box, throws them in the air) Lookit this great bra! It has the boobs already in it. Take it!
MAUREEN
Oh, I couldn't.
STEPHANIE
But you will! And look, I've got tons of expensive make up here. (Pause, as STEPHANIE
looks at the packages) On second thought, forget it, you're the kind of woman who gets ready
without a mirror. And it's the wrong shade for you, anyway. (rummages in box) This scarf.
Here! (Ties the scarf around MAUREEN's neck) It's a hundred times better than that ratty
thing you have. It cost a fortune! Hand painted in Italy!
MAUREEN
Please! It's too tight, Miss Stephanie. (loosens, then removes scarf, places it on the
'Maureen' pile. STEPHANIE goes back to rummaging in the box)
STEPHANIE
Clothes and shoes up the Yazoo, never worn, price tags still hanging off them! Sausage,
candy, imported pasta and wine; all of it appreciation gifts from the firm and bribes from
clients. Gift cards from the year 2000 ! I've been meaning to take it all to the Goodwill, but
why should they have it? They get rich on people's castoffs! You see anything you want,
take it. Take it!
(MAUREEN moves to discreetly look into the box)
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MAUREEN
I stole some china pieces and figurines too, weeks ago. Did you notice they were missing?
STEPHANIE
(laughs)
No, I just thought they were among the stuff I smashed when Drexel left. Thanks for cleaning
that up, by the way.
MAUREEN
How are things ... between you and Mr. Drexel now? I mean, I heard it was awful, but -
STEHANIE
I don't believe it's come to this. My housekeeper 'slash' nanny is grilling me about my
unfaithful ex-husband and she expects an answer! Jesus, my shrink isn't this intrusive!
MAUREEN
I'm only asking because I'm concerned about -
STEPHANIE
My shrink charges me an arm and a leg and responds to everything I say with a question. "I
feel like punching my associate George Wallace, Dr. Choy." "What' s making you feel like
that way, Stephanie?" I could tell her I wanted to set fire to my hair and she'd have the same
response. "What's making you feel that way, Stephanie?"
MAUREEN
Mr. Wallace is a nasty piece of work. Before you got the cellphone, he'd leave fifty messages
a day for-
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
STEPHANIE
Don't try to veer off from the subject. What did you hear about me and Drexel and who said
it? Come on, give!
MAUREEN
I. ..I. .. heard a rumor from Miss Paulette next door. She said -
STEPHANIE
Paulette Abercrombie talks to you? They must have changed up her medication.
MAUREEN
She said Mr. Drexel was going to challenge you for custody of the girls and ... and the house.
She said he and his partner-
STEPHANIE
God, how I hate that term 'partner'. I associate it with the slugs in my firm. But I guess
boyfriend is even more gross. (beat) Ever notice that women can call their female friends
'girlfriends', but you never hear a male calling his buddies 'boyfriends'?
MAUREEN
Well, partner is the socially acceptable term for -
STEPHANIE
Yeah, this week! You think GLBTQ is right, then no, it's supposed to be LGBTQ to appease
the lesbians. But what I don't know is, does the 'T' cover the transgender folk or the
transsexuals ... or both?? And what the hell is queer, exactly? Aren't they ALL? Couldn't
that just cover everything they - ?
MAUREEN
Call me old-fashioned, but I think the whole business is just so wrong. Why can't things be -?
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STEPHANIE
And now it appears they drop the 'Q' most of the time. But hey, don't misunderstand me. I
have absolutely nothing against queers. One of them taught me how to deal with my
eyebrows when I was a kid. I'd been shaving them with a razor, believe it or not and he told
me that I only had to pluck the undersides. Don't they look great?
MAUREEN
They look beautiful. (beat) I just wonder if he's going to be happy with his choice, Mr.
Drexel I mean.
STEPHANIE
What? Happy? Happy?! He's a thrill-seeker, a live-in-the-moment type. This guy is just his
latest thing, his current adventure. That was me, once upon a time. (beat, as STEPHANIE
rummages in box. Pause.) You know what the worst of it is? Not that he left me for a man,
no, that I could take. Stuff like that happens in the brave new hip world. The thing I hate is
that the guy's from a rival firm and he's going to represent Drexel pro bono! That really,
really bites!
MAUREEN
You didn' t care when he left? You didn't love him?
STEPHANIE
Drexel?! Love? Love! Hah! More like tolerate! I suppose I wasn't woman enough to fix
him. (laughs) Jesus, makes him sound like some kind of tomcat! The guy's an idiot! He
insists on using paper seat liners in public toilets, but he thinks nothing of having anonymous
sex in parks.
MAUREEN
That sounds absolutely awful! Do you mean to say he - ?
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STEPHANIE
I'm lucky to be alive! Drexel is a nut! Always changing and experimenting!
MAUREEN
Do you know that last year, when you were in Florida on that death penalty case, he dyed his
hair black, then green, then purple, then finally just balded his head? And he has perfectly
wonderful blonde hair. Why do it, what was the point?
STEPHANIE
Because he's a non-stop circus, always reinventing himself, but he just stays the same stupid
clown.
MAUREEN
(laughs)
I almost called the police when he walked in with that black hair! I didn't know it was him!
STEPHANIE
Really glad I missed it! And borderline psychopathic? He had a gang of boys following him
around when he was young. They'd go in a pack, cornering women and feeling them up,
middle-age ladies, on their way to the market! He told me this as if it was funny and I was
supposed to laugh!
MAUREEN
It doesn't sound very funny to me. That could have been me or my mother -
STEPHANIE
He got kicked out of the Marines, then he was a cokehead, then a performance artist and actor.
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MAUREEN
Was he always religious, or is that something new too? (STEPHANIE throws hands in the
air.) He used to drag the girls out of bed to take them to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.
That's abusive in my opinion.
STEPHANIE
The guy' s a megalomaniac.
MAUREEN
Yes, and then, the next day, he wouldn't let them open their presents or even eat Christmas
cookies until he read from Leviticus. The whole thing! (beat) McKayla was very religious,
for a time. She was going to join one of those groups that promise to be . ..to stay pure until
marriage.
STEPHANIE
Oh yeah? And how' s that going, huh? And I just bet you know!
MAUREEN
I really don't think I should say... (beat) But I believe she' s wearing a purity ring. And she
talked a lot about ' crushing' on the Lord. Nowadays -
STEPHANIE
What? You mean, God as a love interest?! I'd better get her to my shrink!
MAUREEN
Well, it's better than a girl trying to prove her worth by having .. .involvements with men.
STEPHANIE
Let' s hope it's boys at this juncture. Have you usurped my motherly role and taught them all
about menstruation, VD and sex, too?
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MAUREEN
Well ... I. . .I yes, I have said that at a certain age -
STEPHANIE
Good job! Stole my thunder along with the forks. Carry on. I sure didn't want to do any of
that! But hey, those virginity pledges? How come they don't have that for guys?!
MAUREEN
That's a good point, Miss Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
Well, I'm damn glad I was in DC on the Bradley vs. Cory Industries case during the Drexel
bible thumping phase. That is the time period you're talking about, am I right? (beat) I was
gone a hell of a lot.
MAUREEN
Yes, you're right. Bradley vs. Cory. Washington.
STEPHANIE
You should have told me Drexel was doing things like that. It's not like I didn't call.
MAUREEN
He could have been doing worse things. Reading from the bible isn't so -
STEPHANIE
My ex-husband, the Danger Nut, thriving on the adrenaline rush. Never satisfied. He gets a
Harley and changes the handlebars every week. First it's super high like this (demonstrates),
then he wants it like this (spreads arms), then he wants it way out in front (extends arms).
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MAUREEN
Oh, that's funny. And that bike made so much noise. All the dogs on the block just -
STEPHANIE
And it costs big money to make those changes, my money! Never satisfied. He'll get tired of
the sexual novelty and kick August to the curb too, mark my words. (Takes a chess set from
the box) Hey, look at this. I haven't played in ages. I wonder if all the pieces are here?
MAUREEN
August? That's-?
STEPHANIE
That's Drexel's new squeeze, yeah. (lining up the chess pieces)
MAUREEN
Do the girls know?
STEPHANIE
You're kidding, right? How do you tell a couple of already mixed up pre-teens that their
father is a queer and that he and his new man want to live with them? Is there an instructional
book for that?
MAUREEN
Well, I don't -
STEPHANIE
You're the one who used to bring in those flea-bitten books from the library for them, like
"Hooked on Phonics". Is there something for this situation, say, "My Daddy Wants to Hump
Other Men, Not Mommy Anymore"?
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MAUREEN
You should be glad you're rid of him. He used to make me clean the bathrooms with
ammonia! My eyes burned like the dickens. He said his mother did it twice a day.
STEPHANIE
I guess he should have married her then. (they go for an unenthusiastic 'high-five) I just wish
he would have done this current shape-shifting when the girls were babies, so that they
wouldn't know what's going on. Now they'll get it. (beat) It's humiliating.
MAUREEN
Maybe they'll think it's ... fine. Maybe they'll understand.
STEPHANIE
Understand what? That nobody in their right mind would want to live with me?
MAUREEN
No, that .. . love happens. And it can't be denied. (beat) But ... it isn't about not wanting to
live with you. You're .. . you're never here. How could it be about that? (pause) What are
you going to do?
STEPHANIE
I'm going to smote him, what else?! This is my house, bought and paid for by me and those
are my girls! He doesn' t matter! (beat) Oh perfect, the queen is missing from this chess set.
MAUREEN
I don' t understand that game. I just know the king can't do much and the queen is the most
powerful piece and can move anywhere and destroy everyone.
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STEPHANIE
But the whole stupid game is about protecting the king and trapping him. (throws the set into
the Goodwill pile) Out. Queen's gone, no sense keeping it.
MAUREEN
Maybe she' s somewhere in the house.
STEPHANIE
She's gone.
(Pause as MAUREEN organizes sewing kit and STEPHANIE
goes through the box.)
MAUREEN
You said ... you said you were going to ... what was that word you used?
STEPHANIE
You're not supposed to make sense of what I say. You're not even supposed to be here.
(Takes a wig or weave out of the box and shakes it in MAUREEN's face) Do you have any
idea what it's like to wear a thing like this in the summer? I have a whole room where piles of
them live. Here, take it. This one cost almost a grand.
MAUREEN
Miss Stephanie, I really don't have any use for-
STEPHANIE
But you didn't mind taking my other crap, right? The good stuff, like the bracelet? Oh, I get
it; this thing was on my head. You're like those people in the South who didn't want to be in
the same pool with a Black person, but they didn't have any qualms about those same people
preparing their food and raising their precious kids.
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MAUREEN
Why does everything have to about race with you? I don't need a wig. I wouldn't wear a
wig.
STEPHANIE
Now you're accusing me of pulling the race card. It's what all you people fall back on when
you can't come up with anything else.
MAUREEN
I've never understood what that race card business means.
STEPHANIE
That's because -
MAUREEN
And anyway, I don't think it's right for you to put me in the same category as those kinds of
people. My kin came over from the potato famine and they were treated just as bad as-
STEPHANIE
Not "from" the potato famine, because of it. Jesus! But no way, it's not the same! Don't
even try to say that! (long pause) You know what my theory is, why everybody is so down
on Black people? It's an atavistic thing.
MAUREEN
I don't know what that word means. I just know that -
(STEPHANIE throws several wigs on the 'Maureen'
pile.)
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STEPHANIE
It means something that's ingrained, something that's a throwback from long ago, something
that people aren't even aware of. Do you know about the middle ages, when there was the
black plague? (MAUREEN shrugs, bemused) The thing was ravaging Europe and Asia and
those peoples' skin turned black when they got sick. That was the sign that they had the
plague.
MAUREEN
I don't know about -
STEPHANIE
People in Africa never had the plague, but I swear, the fear and hatred got carried over to the
current ... why are you looking at me like that?
MAUREEN
I'm just concerned about you, Miss Stephanie. Your expression looks so fierce and-
STEPHANIE
You really mean my complexion, don't you? The color of mud ... or worse?
MAUREEN
If you would only-!
STEPHANIE
You think I should be docile and brainless, like one of those shuffling servants from "Gone
With the Wind", don't' you? Or bursting with glee, 'happyfying' everything, like something
off a syrup bottle? You can't stand it that I'm a high-powered attorney and a woman of
position and you' re nothing but a ...
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MAUREEN
A what? Go on, say what you want to say.
STEPHANIE
You may be my employee, but you're just like Drexel. He always looked down on me with
those blue eyes of his, even though I was the one financing, running and calling the shots on
everything. The whole time we were together, I just know he wanted me to call him master.
MAUREEN
That is such an awful thing to -
STEPHANIE
Bottom line? You all think you 're better.
MAUREEN
Maybe you imagine we think we're better. And why paint all Whites with the same - ?
STEPHANIE
What do you know about what I've lived through? And my girls are just as bad! They blame
me for their unruly hair, can you believe that? It's the first thing they come up with when it
comes to getting genes from me. Never mind that Drexel probably has the Klan or Nazis in
his background. No, they're concerned about hair!
MAUREEN
They have fine, curly blonde -
STEPHANIE
I'll say one thing: Drexel and I were crusaders for exogamy!
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MAUREEN
I'm sorry, you've lost me. That word -
STEPHANIE
Look it up. McKayla told me she wished Drexel had married a White woman so that she
would have turned out 'all right'! Can you imagine your child saying something like that to
you?!
MAUREEN
She must have been mad at you about something else. She was taking something else out on
you. Those girls have everything they could possibly want. You've done so much for-
STEPHANIE
I'm in the courthouse and I hear some of these kids talking, the ones there to support other
kids in leg irons. They seem to think it's fun to say things like "niggah, please" and I hear the
girls referring to their boyfriends as 'my niggah ' . If I ever hear one of my girls say that
word ... (slams fist into palm).
MAUREEN
Oh, I've never heard - !
STEPHANIE
I don't even like it when they call each other 'girl'. (mimics) "Girl, please". It's pathetic.
And that swiveling head on the neck thing some Black women do when they' re getting all
sarcastic or up in somebody's face? (tries to do it). I can't make my neck do that! It won't
go! And I'd better not see my girls doing it either!!
MAUREEN
Just what do you want them to identify as? It's not as if they can -
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STEPHANIE
They don't belong anywhere. They're not Black enough for the Blacks and they don't have
names like Shetwanna or LaDonna. They don't fit in with the Whites because, well, I don' t
have to tell you why.
MAUREEN
I'm afraid you do, Miss Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
It' s because of that 'one drop rule'. Surely you've heard of it?
MAUREEN
They look like both you and Mr. Drexel. They're so beau-
STEPHANIE
But we don't fit in anywhere! Everybody stared at us! When I took them to the Mall in the
double-wide stroller, people treated me like I was their nanny. Or like I'd kidnapped them.
MAUREEN
You imagined that, I'm sure.
STEPHANIE
I was glad when they started to look semi-Negroid. I didn't have to explain anymore!
MAUREEN
But ... they' re still ... light-skinned ...
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STEPHANIE
Kinky blonde hair and green eyes. High yaller, all the way. Hypodescent versus
hyperdescent. Ha-ha, I can see I've lost you again, Maureen! Yessir, my girls are special. I
can spot them a mile away in a group of Black kids. And in a group of White kids, too, for
that matter.
MAUREEN
And they're the prettiest of the bunch, aren't they?
STEPHANIE
They resent me for my genetic contribution, but they don't resent him for anything! (savagely
throwing clothes in the air as she sorts them) Maybe they will now! They break brushes
when they fix their hair. Do your kids? (MAUREEN opens her mouth to answer) Ever
notice that when you read a novel, you're never informed of a character's ethnic composition
unless that person is Other Than White? Ever notice that? Of course you don't! (beat) Do
you even have kids?
MAUREEN
I've worked for you for twelve years and this is the first time you've asked me anything about
my personal life.
STEPHANIE
It's called being professional. It's not smart to get involved with ...
MAUREEN
... the help?
STEPHANIE
That is not a dirty word! It's better than the menials. I don't know what I would have done
without you here all these years. I can't say that enough!
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MAUREEN
I don't think you've ever said it, until today. My great-grandmother was a maid, too . I never
knew her. She's just a sad looking woman in black and white photographs. No color pictures
of her exist.
STEPHANIE
Well, my great-grandmother was probably a slave. The only thing I inherited from her was
my looks and a silver soup ladle that she probably carried out of the masta's house in her
apron pocket. (beat) I take it out every so often and polish it.
MAUREEN
I'm not responsible for what White people did in the past. It's not my fault. It' s history.
(beat) And I'm not ashamed of my family.
STEPHANIE
Neither am I and that's mostly because I got above and beyond them! My father was such a
bigot! Did the girls ever tell you that my father had a stroke when he met Drexel? Literally?
(laughs) We'd eloped, of course and went to see my folks after six months. My father took
one look at Drexel and hit the floor like a ton of bricks.
MAUREEN
What ... what did your mother do?
STEPHANIE
I don't remember. I was too busy watching Drexel give my dad mouth to mouth. (beat)
Good thing Pops didn't live long enough to witness the clown's latest incarnation!
MAUREEN
What was it like ... meeting Mr. Drexel's parents?
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STEPHANIE
They're "children of the sixties", as they like to say and believe, so they were all for our
union. They kept telling me about Medgar Evers and Frederick Douglass and all I could do
was shake my head and agree. They knew more about that civil rights crap than I did t
MAUREEN
So, it was just your father who had the ... strong reaction?
STEPHANIE
I failed himt He'd devoted his life to financing my education and career. He'd scraped and
sacrificed, so that meant I was supposed to marry the man of his choice. Well, guess what-
MAUREEN
You take after him. (quickly) I mean ...the hard work you do and getting everything your
girls want, I mean. They have all the latest gadgets and they' re always bent over them, their
little thumbs and fingers going a mile a minute. (demonstrates)
STEPHANIE
Yeah, it's a whole new take on twiddling ones thumbs. You know what I hate? When you're
out with someone and they're on those things. You see people in restaurants sitting across
from each other, both of them texting somebody or following what somebody's doing instead
of talking to each other.
MAUREEN
I've given up trying to figure out what some of those gizmos are for. I don't even own a
cellphone and it's getting harder and harder to find a working payphone when you need to -
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STEPHANIE
It costs a fortune to keep the girls up to speed, but I can afford it. I've earned it. (beat, as
STEPHANIE extracts clothes and tosses them in the various piles) You should get some of
the credit. I probably owe a lot of my success to you. How else could I have accomplished
anything, having to come home to squalling babies, in stereo?
MAUREEN
Yes, well-
STEPHANIE
I didn't have to worry. I could just go off to work. I didn't have to think about what they
were up to during the day; YOU were here. You were ... if you hadn't been ... It' s like they' re
your kids. The three of you have even got the 'M' thing going on.
MAUREEN
But they respect you and love-
STEPHANIE
And dirty diapers? Get outta here!! I couldn't have done it. And honestly, I'm glad I had a
job that kept me away all day and on weekends too. Glad! When you stay home with kids,
your brain turns to mush! And you can't get anything done, unless of course you' re that lady
who wrote all those Harry Potter books.
MAUREEN
Probably all her kids had diaper rash.
STEPHANIE
And neuroses up the Yazoo. But you want to know what the real irony is?
I couldn't wait for the girls to grow up and leave so that I could screw Drexel in peace!
Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but he could really lay me out. So intense and sensitive.
He was divine, a prince among toads. (beat) Even his tears tasted good.
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MAUREEN
He seems like the kind of person who would enjoy watching others suffer. Perhaps he even
tortured or hunted his own pets.
STEPHANIE
Not sure why you're saying that, Maureen. (beat) Are either of the girls exhibiting that kind
of behavior?
MAUREEN
No, no, not at all!
STEPHANIE
Interesting, cruel to animals. Is that what you think of me as, an animal?
MAUREEN
Of course not! I didn't mean ... you're putting words . . .I can't keep up. You switch from
subject to subject! Please don't - !
STEPHANIE
You should see me in court.
MAUREEN
Is it like ... Judge Judy?
STEPHANIE
Couldn't tell you. I've never watched that idiocy. (Takes a paddle ball from the box and
begins to whack the ball expertly) This is mine, believe it or not. It's wonderful for hand to
eye exercise coordination and relieving stress. (beat) I should have used it on those kids of
mine! Or him!
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MAUREEN
You clearly had a .. . rocky time with Mr. Drexel. I've ... heard you say that often enough
on ... on the phone to your friends.
STEPHANIE
I have no friends.
MAUREEN
You should make some girlfriends.
STEPHANIE
If you're talking about the kind of women who go out shopping and want to drag you into
every damn store and try on stuff and tell them what you think of how they look in it, no, I
don't have time for low I.Q. activities or people like that.
MAUREEN
I heard you complaining to someone about Mr. Drexel and assumed it was a girlfriend.
STEPHANIE
It was probably George Wallace, my co-counsel. I tell him everything. (beat) Just what did
you hear me say?
MAUREEN
You said you were glad when Mr. Drexel left. You said he was a selfish creep and a drag on
your finances and a waste of time-
STEPHANIE
And that's all true! Still, it kills. You' ll never understand it unless it happens to you. When
you're in a relationship or God forbid, a marriage, somebody taking what's yours is going to
kill you, even if you don't want that person anymore. Get it? (pause) It kills.
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(STEPHANIE holds up a black dress to herself)
I remember when he told me about. ..he told me he' d met this guy at his golf club and they'd
gone to a movie and they'd seen the kind of thing I wouldn't walk across the street to see,
Rambo Part XI or something. He whined that I was never available to go out with him , blahde-blah ... It sounded innocent and boring enough, but then he was talking about this guy and
spending quality time with him. Soon I suspected that they'd become fast and sticky friends.
When he finally told me, I refused to have sex with him, but he still wanted me and I made
him beg for it like the dog he was, knowing I'd never touch him again. Why the hell am I
telling you this?
MAUREEN
It makes you feel better. (beat) Does it?
STEPHANIE
This dress is you! It would be perfect for a funeral. (Throws dress on MAUREEN's pile)
Could come in handy very soon.
MAUREEN
I really don't think we're even the same size, Miss -
STEPHANIE
What's this guy got . .. besides the obvious?
MAUREEN
Well, he's gained a selfish, childish, small-minded man, that much is for sure. Mr. Drexel
really dropped the ball, I'd say, as a parent.
STEPHANIE
He never had the ball in his hands. Well, he does now! (They laugh or almost go for the
high-five)
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MAUREEN
And you say they want the girls and the house?
STEPHANIE
Who knows if it's 'they'. Drexel always said the girls creeped him out because he couldn't
tell them apart and we all know they just love pretending to be each other.
MAUREEN
They try to do that with me, but I know ways to identify them. McKayla has a -
STEPHANIE
You'd think as their father, Drexel would figure something out. He just didn't want to make
the effort, I guess. (beat) So, how do you tell them apart? Never mind. It doesn't matter to
me which one is which; they're a unit. (beat) Besides, they're both me!
MAUREEN
(quietly)
It doesn't surprise me that you can't tell one from the other, since you don't see them very
often.
STEPHANIE
What do they need me for, besides to pay the bills? They've got you.
(Pause, as they work on their prospective tasks, STEPHANIE
in angry, jerking movements)
MAUREEN
Have you met him ... the ...the ... ?
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STEPHANIE
The boyfriend? August? Of course. I've had dinner with them downtown a few times. I
even know their damn dog' s name. Robot.
MAUREEN
I'm trying to remember the last time I saw you having dinner with your girls.
STEPHANIE
I'm not trying to settle ADR with my girls! My socializing with Drexel was about nothing but
business and self-preservation.
MAUREEN
What is .. . ?
STEPHANIE
ADR? Alternative Dispute Resolution. It means we settle without going to court. I'd sure
like to do that, just pay them off and watch them ride into the sunset. Maybe they' ll go live in
a state where they can get married. "Something old, something new, something borrowed,
something blue." Hah! I could show up and be all those things! But the ' blue' would signify
me holding my breath or my head in the oven, not sadness, understand that?
MAUREEN
I'm sure your marriage meant a lot to Mr. Drexel, Miss Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
Sure, if you're talking alimony. (sighs) I know you don't mean it, but it's mighty white of
you to say it, Maureen. (beat) It' s funny, Drexel's told August all about our time together, all
the highs and lows and fights. All the stuff we did in the sack, too.
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MAUREEN
That's quite an invasion of your-!
STEPHANIE
Don' t be such a prude! I think it's hysterical!
MAUREEN
But there are some things that are sacred.
STEPHANIE
Some of our fights were classic. In the early days, I used to lock him out of the house when
he came home after midnight, you know, with the deadbolt? He' d stand outside whimpering
and knocking for hours. Then I'd lock him out of the bedroom when I finally let him in the
front door.
MAUREEN
That must have been stressful for -
STEPHANIE
We had fights like you wouldn' t believe. There was this particularly colorful one where I
made a special trip to the grocery store to get us lamb chops. He complained that he didn' t
like the sauce I made for them, so I threw the jar of mint jelly across the room at his head.
MAUREEN
And Mr. Drexel told .. .his partner about that?
STEPHANIE
Oh yeah! When things get heated between the two of them, August just says the words 'mint
jelly' and it de-escalates everything!
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MAUREEN
Did you hit him ... with the jar?
STEPHANIE
You bet! Had to drive him to the ER for five stiches. He still has a nice scar on his forehead
from it. This was before the girls were born.
(Pause, STEPANIE works on the box contents and MAUREEN
unravels thread spools.)
MAUREEN
How did it feel. .. to see them together? Mr. Drexel and ... that fellow?
STEPHANIE
They weren't holding hands or soul kissing at the dinner table, if that's what you're getting at.
MAUREEN
I certainly didn't mean -
STEPHANIE
He finally told me he was moving out when he returned from one of his soul-searching,
disappearing junkets.
MAUREEN
Oh, yes, I know. I stopped calling the police and hospitals after the first couple of times.
But ... he ... just showed up with the man?
STEPHANIE
Of course! At my office! All happy and glowing and wanting to have a group hug! I think
he expected me to break out the fatted calf and celebrate!
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MAUREEN
What did you do?
STEPHANIE
I punched Drexel in the face and broke his jaw. (beat) But I'm over it now.
MAUREEN
I wonder.
STEPHANIE
These people that fool around? They all work off the same script. 'I didn't plan it, it just sort
ofhappened.' 'If only you' d been there for me. ' 'It' s just sex, not love. ' God! And now
they' re setting up house! 'My head was somewhere else when we were together.' That's got
to be my favorite. Come on, you must have heard a few of them in your time. Share!
MAUREEN
I've never really been in a relationship. It's always been just me and Meaty.
STEPHANIE
And that is-?
MAUREEN
My cat.
STEPHANIE
Idiotic name. How old is it?
MAUREEN
Ages. Maybe fifteen years old. I think he may be deaf.
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STEPHANIE
Why? Because he doesn't come when you call?
MAUREEEN
His ears don't move around anymore.
STEPHANIE
Maybe he's not interested in anything you're saying. Had him neutered, did you?
MAUREEN
No, I didn't have to. He never leaves the apartment.
STEPHANIE
So he sits in the window all day, wishing he could get out and jump on felines, then he runs
around like a tornado all night?
MAUREEN
He ran around at night when he was a kitten, not anymore.
STEPHANIE
I never had a pet. My mother couldn't stand the thought of cleaning up after them, called it
cat dirt instead of cat shit. (beat) Makes you wonder how she stomached having six kids.
My father said they give you diseases and they just die and break your heart. I say big deal,
just go out and buy a new one.
MAUREEN
You can't do that with children.
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STEPHANIE
What's that supposed to mean?
MAUREEN
When things ... don't go the way you want with them, you can't just -
STEPHANIE
You know what really burns me up? When single people start talking about what it's like to
have kids, or worse, how things should be done. Like Oprah. She's over there giving advice
and getting paid up the ass for it, but she's never - !
MAUREEN
I love Meaty as if he were my own child.
STEPHANIE
Do you dress it up in clothes, too? Don't answer! Like I said, you're a pitiful cliche. Cats. I
can't stand those things. The aroma of the litter box is the first impression you get from
somebody's house. With kids, it's toys. If there's kids, there's going to be a minefield of
toys. (beat) One good thing about the girls finally turning into teen-agers: no Legos to step
on.
MAUREEN
I use an organic peat mixture for Meaty and I know for sure that it does not smell -
STEPHANIE
Cats are evil and gross. They lick their privates, then your face. You wake up and they're
asleep on your head. Who knows what they're thinking when they're looking at you with
those satanic eyes?
(STEPHANIE pulls an Etch-a-Sketch from the box)
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STEPHANIE
Hey, lookit this! Believe it or not, this is mine, too. The girls couldn't understand the purpose
of it. It doesn't have batteries or some app telling you what to think. They couldn't handle it.
(Pause, as STEPHANIE works the knobs of the Etch-a-Sketch.)
MAUREEN
So. Just what were you doing ... before you came out here? Were you giving yourself. .. a
home permanent?
(STEPHANIE plops down on the couch, removes the towel
from her hair, then continues to fiddle with the Etch-a-Sketch)
STEPHANIE
I was taking a shower and then decided to cut out all the extensions from my hair. When I'm
found .. . (shakes head, smiles) I'm glad I did it. I've forgotten what I really look like. I even
pried off my fake talons. (holds up, waves a hand)
(Pause)
MAUREEN
I hope you didn't put the wet towels and bath mat straight into the dryer. Both of the girls
said they weren't doing it, so- (STEPHANIE glares at her. Pause) Your hair. It's quite ... it
looks soft.
STEPHANIE
Shut up, you're not on the clock yet.
MAUREEN
No, I mean it. You look better with your real hair. And ... and with no make-up, too! I think
all those things women do to themselves is toxic. And for what, to attract a man? Phooey.
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STEPHANIE
My girls do it because they want to look older. Why are they in such a hurry to grow up?
Don't they realize they're going to be hags before they know it?
MAUREEN
McKayla doesn't wear make-up. She obeys you.
STEPHANIE
Yes, my McKayla. How's the other one, the penultimate child taking my dictum of not
wearing war paint to school? Penultimate. I should call her the tumultuous child.
MAUREEN
Madison's not a bad girl. She's just ... head strong. And she's got a temper on her, that one.
A boy at school told her it sounded like garbage when she played the flute and she hit him
with the thing and knocked some of his teeth out.
STEPHANIE
Oh really? So why didn't the school contact me?
MAUREEN
The boy was too afraid of her to report it. I.. .I heard her telling somebody about it over the
telephone.
STEPHANIE
When the hell was this?
MAUREEN
Oh, several months ago. (quickly) It's all blown over now, I'm sure. They may even be
going steady for all I -
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STEPHANIE
Good thing I didn't know about it! I would have put her in reform school!
MAUREEN
I think . .. I think that teenagers are the way they are because it becomes clear to them at that
age that the world they're getting is pretty bad and that adults are hypocritical and don't
deserve their respect.
(Pause)
STEPHANIE
You're speaking from experience about your own brood, I take it? (beat) How many kids did
you say you have?
MAUREEN
I don' t have children.
STEPHANIE
Why not? Anatomical issues?
MAUREEN
People always assume a female has or wants children and if we don't have them, we couldn't
or we're homosexuals. (beat) I just didn't want them.
(Pause)
STEPHANIE
Well, if you ever do, take my advice and mate with somebody from your own ethnic group.
That's just one of the many things those girls hold against me, the inescapable fact that I don't
look like them.
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MAUREEN
But that's just -
STEPHANIE
As if it's my fault that they got badgered every time I showed up at the damn school. Then
I'll bet they wondered why I sent you for their parent-teacher conferences. It wasn't just
because I had to work, it was so the other kids would stop asking, "Are you adopted?" "Is that
your real mom?" They just had to let me know! Jesus! Can you imagine what that feels like?
MAUREEN
No, and I'm sorry that -
STEPHANIE
It's like this boyfriend I had who brought me to meet his parents and they were all nice and
welcoming and blah, blah, blah. A few days later, he lets on that his mother told him, "don't
ever bring that nigger to this house again". What do you think is worse, Maureen, that the
mother said that, or the fact that the boyfriend just HAD to let me know?!
MAUREEN
These were ... White people?
STEPHANIE
Of course! I've only been with one Black guy. It was .. . it felt weird, masturbatory. Gave me
the creeps.
MAUREEN
I don't know that word. Do I have to wear a dictionary around my neck to communicate with
you?
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STEPHANIE
Which word? Weird? Creeps? (beat) Come right down to it, all men are pretty creepy.
MAUREEN
Well, all I can say is that you and Mr. Drexel produced two wonderful children. I look
forward to coming here and being with them every day.
STEPHANIE
Didn't you ever want to have a child?
MAUREEN
I'm way past the age to contemplate such things, thank goodness.
STEPHANIE
You've made those girls your own, Maureen Winkle. (Pause. STEPHANIE shows
MAUREEN what she's been doing on the Etch-a-Sketch) Look, I've made your name.
MAUREEN
That is ... that is marvelous! How in the world did you get that thing to make curves and .. and
aW-!
STEPHANIE
(shaking the Etch-a-Sketch)
I'm a woman of many talents.
MAUREEN
Why did you erase it? It was so perfect. That pretty flower -
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STEPHANIE
What am I going to do, frame it? (Continues to work on the Etch-a-Sketch) So how much
make-up is Madison wearing?
MAUREEN
A lot. I hardly recognize her when she gets on the bus in the morning. One time McKayla
did it, too, just to throw me off, or to see ifl was paying attention. (pause) I'm not supposed
to tell, but McKayla went and got herself one of those tailbone tattoos.
STEPHANIE
Doesn't she know that she's advertising herself as a tart?! You know what they call those
things in Britain? Tramp stamps! I'll murder her!
MAUREEN
It's the way I tell her apart from Madison, if she's wearing low waist pants, that is. The way
kids dress nowadays! At least it' s not as bad as the boys. I think that falling down pants style
is so vulgar. Ever see a boy try to run for the bus when his pants are all twisted up? Now that
is hilarious.
STEPHANIE
I went to Catholic school, so all kids nowadays dress like hoodlums in my book. They knew
how to discipline kids in those schools. I'll never forget the time some boy got out of line and
the head nun made three other boys hold him down while she slapped him in the face.
MAUREEN
Oh my, what had he done?
STEPHANIE
No recollection. Probably didn't call her 'Sister' with enough reverence in his voice or
something. (beat) Stephen Perron, one of the many kids who tormented me. He was a rough
boy, but he cried. It was awful. Awful fun to watch. (beat) And what's the butt tattoo of?
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MAUREEN
A butterfly. I think. I only see the tops of it.
STEPHANIE
Maybe it's a virginity pledge tattoo. (beat) The ink parlor that gave a thing like that to a
minor without my consent should be sued. (heavy sigh) I'm going to log onto my computer
to find out what time it is.
(STEPHANIE starts off. MAUREEN bolts to the box of stuff
and peers into it.)
MAUREEN
What are you going to do with the rest of these things? You're not finished sorting through it.
STEPHANIE
I'm finished. I am so finished.
MAUREEN
But look, these little dresses. (Takes dresses from the box.) Did the girls ever wear them?
There's not a stain on them.
STEPHANIE
I only kept those because my grandmother made them. (beat, as STEPHANIE handles the
dresses) Look at that workmanship. Still holding up.
MAUREEN
They're so small. It's hard to believe the girls were ever this small.
STEPHANIE
He's going to get them. I just know it. I'm not going to win this one. He's going to win.
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MAUREEN
If that happens, do you think Mr. Drexel will be able to care for - ?
STEPHANIE
What are you worried about, your damn job? He'll probably get the girls and the house, then
keep you on! I'm the one who's going to have to go!
MAUREEN
But why would it be -?
STEPHANIE
Some father! He wasn' t even there when they were born. He passed out at the entrance of the
hospital, just from the smell of the place. There wasn't even any blood or needles around! He
fainted right in the doorway, had to be admitted himselfl
MAUREEN
What did he do when he woke up?
STEPHANIE
Who the hell knows? I never saw him the whole time I was going through 15 hours of labor!
"I'm gonna pass out", he says. "No you're not", I say. Then boom, he's on the ground in a
pile. And he thinks he's going to take those babies from me now!
MAUREEN
But when he got hit with the mint jelly -
STEPHANIE
He was out cold when we arrived.
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MAUREEN
So this other time, when you gave birth. Did he have a stroke ... like your father? I'm sorry to
ask that, but -
STEPHANIE
Drexel didn' t have a stroke! He just fainted like the wuss he is! (paces) I'm not going to see
him get my babies. He' s just muscling in at the 'fun' age, when the diapers and toilet training
and teething and measles and learning to walk are over. (MAUREEN opens her mouth to
object) I know, don't say it! YOU were the one who went through all that crap with them!
MAUREEN
I was going to say that they're going to be teen-agers soon. (Pause, as they both think about
this.) Toilet training is a cake-walk compared with what' s to come! The black hole of
secrecy. It's already starting. You come up behind them when they're on those laptop
gadgets and they close it up like a coffin. (claps hands) Snap!
STEPHANIE
Like a coffin.
(Pause. MAUREEN returns to the sewing box.)
STEPHANIE
I have no earthly idea how you manage to discipline them, assuming you do. (beat) Do you?
MAUREEN
I had to .. .only once. I heard McKayla on the phone telling one of her friends about the fun
day she'd had at the Mall grabbing women's purses.
STEPHANIE
What the hell?! You mean, snatching them and running?! I'll murder her!
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MAUREEN
No. You see, she'd go in a bathroom stall and wait for a woman to come in and put her purse
on the floor. And once the woman started ... doing her business, McKayla grabbed the purse
and ran out. (laughs) Oh, I could just imagine the poor woman in mid-stream, seeing her
purse being dragged away!
STEPHANIE
How the hell is that different from snatching a purse and running?
MAUREEN
Not much. But you've got to admit, it's less risky ... and imaginative. She never took
anything, just threw the purse in the sink. Some kind of crazy fun.
STEPHANIE
Imaginative?! Fun?!! So this is the kind of thing you're teaching my girls, Maureen?!
MAUREEN
No! I told you that I disciplined McKayla! I - !
STEPHANIE
God! Let's hope so! So what was the punishment? You beat her within an inch of her life, I
hope!
MAUREEN
I made her clean all the bathrooms in the house. All seven of them. With a toothbrush,
military-style. Every single tile had to be scrubbed with foaming ammonia.
STEPHANIE
That's not good enough! It sounds like something Drexel would approve of! It's like he's
already in residence, in charge of everything. Dammit! I would have -!
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The Past Tense of Hurt I
MAUREEN
You weren't here to even know about it!! Ow!! Pin cushion. I didn't see that little rascal
hiding in there. (beat) Do you really think Mr. Drexel and his partner would be a positive
role model for - ?
STEPHANIE
Will you get off me?! I want out! (beat) Did you know that when something big and sharp,
say, a big knife or a piece of lumber, gets impaled in the body, you're not supposed to pull it
out yourself? You're supposed to let it stay in there until someone else can safely remove it
and stanch the blood. That's what Drexel feels like to me, something impaled!
MAUREEN
Would you like me to fix you something to eat?
STEPHANIE
And lose my appetite for the fabled pot roast?
MAUREEN
If you knew anything about cooking or your girls' schedule, you'd know that a roast would
never be ready by the time they're due to arrive.
STEPHANIE
Which is when?
(MAUREEN smiles and continues to organize the sewing box.)
MAUREEN
It shouldn't make any difference to you. (beat) I read the letter... the one that was addressed
to me. I'm sorry, I thought it was about the groceries or dry-cleaning.
(STEHANIE whirls and looks at the envelopes on the mantelpiece)
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STEPHANIE
It doesn't look as if anyone's touched them. That's the same way you dust. (STEPHANIE
comes up close to MAUREEN) So if you knew, what were you doing lying around in front of
the TV?
MAUREEN
I didn't want to intrude on you, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
You've ruined everything by being here, Maureen! I could just-!
MAUREEN
Don't be silly. (beat) You never intended to do anything to yourself, or you would have done
it by now.
STEPHANIE
I was in the process when I heard you out here hooting it up!! And besides, there was a
problem with -
MAUREEN
Why were you standing here going through this box of stuff then?
STEPHANIE
I didn' t want Goodwill getting the good shit! And I told you I was having a difficulty with -
MAUREEN
You've got lots of guns around the place. You could have used one of them.
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STEPHANIE
No! Too messy! Too imprecise! I thought I had everything figured out and it was perfect.
The girls would come home, you'd be here with them and I'd be in my room -
MAUREEN
Why didn't you ... you could have done it yesterday, in the middle of the night.
STEPHANIE
I had a closing this morning. Besides, I couldn't leave my girls unsupervised. It's against the
law.
MAUREEN
The law! It's all you think about! What do you care, if you were going to be dead anyway?
And why in the world would you take a shower?
STEPHANIE
I'm going to donate my body to science. I wanted to make sure I got all the TP out of the
cracks and crevices. Sure, go ahead and smirk, but appearances are important, even when
you' re -
MAUREEN
Do you think your body would be of use to anyone, as research or parts or-?
STEPHANIE
Hey lady, you don't know the stories this heap can tell. There must be some stuff they can
use. Probably the only really good thing it ever did was bring those girls here.
MAUREEN
And they're good, fine girls, those two.
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MAUREEN
If that's the way it is, you should hang on and fight him. You should fight for-
STEPHANIE
I've found my way to fight him! When it comes right down to it, Drexel doesn't win. He
knows nothing about kids and neither do I. You've seen to that.
MAUREEN
But isn't that the way you wanted it and planned it?
STEPHANIE
I don't like being around them or listening to them. Pre-teenagers! Every sentence has to
have the word ' like' in it, sometimes twice. They say, "I'm like ... " when they mean 'I said'
or 'I thought' . It's nauseating! And there's usually a lift at the end, (demonstrates) like,
everything is a question? Sometimes just the sound of their shrill voices makes me want to
barricade the door.
MAUREEN
When are you ever around to hear their voices or ... or keep them out?
STEPHANIE
It didn't matter! I always had wonderful, reliable Maureen to come in and make sure
everything was hunky-dory!
MAUREEN
You're saying it's my fault that -
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STEPHANIE
(Puts down Etch-a-Sketch)
I'm saying I'm done. You know that feeling? When you've had it for the day and you lower
the venetian blind, pull back the comforter, and dive into peace for the night? What's wrong
with never wanting to get up from that?
MAUREEN
Nothing's wrong with it. What matters is how you get there and who you tear apart along the
way.
STEPHANIE
Well, Drexel and August are coming over to tell them tonight. They're bringing Chardonnay
and pizza. Drexel always insists on anchovies and thin crust. Yuck.
MAUREEN
Chardonnay? Isn't that ... wouldn't a red wine go better?
STEPHANIE
Not going to deal with it. I just want to disappear.
MAUREEN
Are you doing it because you coupled with a homosexual and didn't know it, and you feel like
there's some kind of shame in that?
STEPHANIE
"Coupled"? Did you actually say that word? And technically, it's more like bi-sexual.
MAUREEN
You've got your life and the lives of your children. I can't understand why that's not enough.
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MAUREEN
Maybe you just don't. (Pause. MAUREEN looks in the direction of the window.) There' s
the school bus. (MAUREEN shakes the Etch-a-Sketch vigorously, smiles) I don't steal from
you and I'm not really here early. This is the girls ' half-day at school. But you wouldn' t
know that.
STEPHANIE
You goddamned ... you did this on purpose, engaging me like this, distracting me! You..why?!
Why did you do it?
(MAUREEN puts the Etch-a-Sketch down.)
MAUREEN
I didn't want the responsibility of stopping you or calling someone to intervene. It's out of
my hands now. (starts off) I'll finish the sewing kit later. Right now I want to set some milk
out and fix up some celery sticks and apple butter. The girls hate it, but that's what they're
going to get. (beat) They'll be thrilled to see Mommy home on a week day! What a treat it
will be for them. Then Daddy and pizza for dinner. They' ll be over the moon!
(MAUREEN goes off.
STEPHANIE goes to the envelopes on the mantelpiece and
removes them, placing them in the robe pocket. Then
STEPHANIE goes to look out the window. After a moment,
she slowly lifts her hand in greeting.)
Blackout. END
07192014/ 04262015
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