Revision Organizational Tool:
“What is this paragraph about?”
Revising for organization can be a nightmare, especially if the writer has not done good
planning or the paper started ‘writing itself.’ This trick is a lifesaver!
This quick and handy technique uses the right hand margin of your paper to record and
reveal the present structure of your essay.
Here’s how:
1. Read the first sentence or two of each paragraph. DON’T READ THE WHOLE
PARAGRAPH to do this: Just read the first sentence or two: What does it say the
paragraph’s topic is? Jot that down in a word or two in the right margin. Do this for
each paragraph.
Working at a Local Horse Barn
Growing up at home I always had chores to do and lots of responsibilities. I am the
oldest of my family so I had many opportunities to work for my grandparents and friends of our
family. Although I didn’t always get paid for these jobs. I began talking to people at a local
boarding facility, to see if I could help anyone with their horse. I talked to many different
people, I ended up with a job working for a well known horse trainer.
This job was perfect for me, because it was indoors. I loved being outside around the
horses. The summers were by far my favorite time to work, the weather was always gorgeous
and I was outside all day long. Although the time of year that was most difficult was during the
winter months. It was hard on the horse and on the pastures. Even though it was freezing
outside, the horses still needed to be ridden and the chores still needed to be done.
While working at the barn, I found that I was in very good shape. Working with horses
and doing physical work all day was great exercise. It was hard physical work, and made me
really think about how to work with different equipment so that it was easiest on my body.
Many times loading equipment and tack I was alone, so I had to learn how to manage my time.
Each day that I worked there was always a list of chores and projects that needed to be
completed by the end of the day. When I would get to the barn, I would make it a habit to look
at the list and then prioritize how I was going to go about getting everything done. The thing
that I enjoyed about working at the barn was that it was very flexible with my schedule. My
boss’s main concern was that everything was completed and done correctly. Although
sometimes I would be out at the barn for a couple of hours, and other days I was there for hours
on end.
Working at a horse facility has been the greatest experience of my life. I feel so
fortunate to have a job that I love so much. How many people can say that they love everything
about their job? I was able to connect my love for horses and the outdoors together by working
with an awesome trainer. This job taught how to be very responsible, multi-task, and
communicate with others. The best part about the job was how peaceful it was at the barn.
You have now revealed the present organizational structure of your draft!
This allows you to come up with a revision strategy.
You can now improve your essay by looking at the following.
Paragraph Focus and Order
Look at the order in which you presented your paragraph’s points. Is it the best order for
the flow of ideas for the reader? Plan to move them around if needed.
Did you cover, point by point, what you said you would (IF you set up the structure in
the opening paragraph)? Plan to add or delete paragraphs, change the order, or change
the order that you mention these in the opening paragraph.
Are some of your paragraphs covering the same point but are located in different parts of
the essay? Plan on combining or moving to be next to one another paragraphs that cover
same point.
Weeding for Stray Sentences: A Closer Look Inside Each Paragraph
Look at the body’s paragraph’s one at a time. In the right margin, you noted what the
paragraph focus seems to be. Now look at each sentence, one by one and see if it really
belongs in that paragraph. If not, either move it to its right paragraph, or delete it if it is
simply not on target for this essay’s overall focus. Notice in the sample essay on the
horse job how the author started talking about time management in a paragraph whose
topic is staying in shape. She can see this now and will move it to the next paragraph,
where it belongs.
It is advisable that you do all of this with a pencil right on hard copy. Then, cut and paste
on the computer, add what is missing, delete if necessary—then PRINT yourself a fresh,
reorganized copy of your essay. It will still need plenty of smoothing out and revising for
things like missing supportive details. And there is always the polishing stage where you
look at punctuation, etc. But you now have an organized essay that fulfills the promise
made in the open and contains paragraphs that are focused on one idea and are in an order
that will make good sense to the readers.