From Fantasy to Vision:
The Path of Recovery
Christopher W. Anderson, MS, LMFT, NCGCII/BACC
Evanston, Illinois
847.425.1830
[email protected]
www.christopherwanderson.com
THE DREAM WORLD
of the
ADDICT
Present to…..
The
Obsession of the Mind
that (always)?
precedes
The Compulsion to …
Fantasy- Reality Cycle
© Christopher W. Anderson, MS, LMFT, NCGCII/BACC
FANTASY
VISION
REALITY
“I was drinking to dream great
dreams of greater power.
I ..
looked with disgust upon the
bankrupt people who were then
jumping from high buildings ..”
I “began sinking...
Finally I slid down into a state where
I was not drinking to dream dreams
of power:
I was drinking to numb the pain, to
forget.”
Bill Wilson (Bill W.)
AACA. p. 55
THE FANTASY WORLD
of the
Sex Addict
‘A universal experience described by sex
addicts is a specific and intense set of
emotions that arise whenever they
actively think about or pursue a hot
sexual or romantic connection. This
biologically driven emotional state,
maintained and supported by intense
sexual fantasy, is one in which addicts
literally lose the intellectual ability to
make healthy choices.’
Page 6
THE FANTASY WORLD:
The Mood Altering Experience
of the
Sex Addict
‘When a sex addict starts to
think about sexually acting
out, those very thoughts
induce pleasurable and
pacifying chemical
changes in the brain.’
Page 9
Euphoric Projection
‘… they are singularly focused
on becoming more absorbed in
whatever exciting (and
momentarily distracting)
sexual fantasy lies in front of
them. It's like they have tunnel
vision.’
Page 7
REALITY:
Termination of
The Fantasy World
‘…. once orgasm occurs,
the game is over and a
clear (often unwelcome)
mental perspective on the
situation dawns.’
Page 11
GA COMBO BOOK
WHAT IS THE DREAM WORLD OF
THE COMPULSIVE GAMBLER?
This is another common characteristic of compulsive gamblers.
A lot of time is spent creating images of the great and wonderful
things they are going to do as soon as they make the big win.
They often see themselves as quite philanthropic and charming
people. They may dream of providing families and friends with
new cars, mink coats and other luxuries. Compulsive gamblers
picture themselves leading a pleasant gracious life, made
possible by the huge sums of money the will accrue from their
'system". Servants, penthouses, nice clothes, charming friends,
yachts and world tours are a few of the wonderful things that are
just around the corner after a big win is finally made.
© Gamblers Anonymous, -'COMBO' Book , Page 10-11
WHAT IS THE DREAM WORLD OF
THE COMPULSIVE GAMBLER?
Pathetically, however, there never seems to be a big
enough winning to make even the smallest dream come true.
When compulsive gamblers succeed, they gamble to dream still
greater dreams. When failing, they gamble in reckless
desperation and the depths of their misery are fathomless as their
dream world comes crashing down. Sadly, they will struggle
back, dream more dreams and of course suffer more misery. No
one can convince them that their great schemes will not some
day come true. They believe they will, for without this dream
world, life for them would not be tolerable.
© Gamblers Anonymous, -'COMBO' Book , Page 10-11
Fantasy- Reality Cycle
© Christopher W. Anderson, MS
FANTASY
VISION
REALITY
INTERVENTION
Block Escape into Fantasy
Fantasy- Reality Cycle
© Christopher W. Anderson, MS , LMFT, NCGC
Mis-Directed Instinct
FANTASY
VISION
Cognitive Roadblock
REALITY
INTOLERABLE
Fantasy- Reality Cycle
© Christopher W. Anderson, MS
FANTASY
HOPE
REALITY
Fantasy- Reality Cycle
© Christopher W. Anderson, MS
FANTASY
VISION
REALITY
GOAL OF THERAPY
“TO HELP CLIENTS NAME
THE TRUTH ABOUT
THEMSELVES SO THAT
THEIR OWN TRUTH
CONFRONTS THEIR OWN
LIE ..
© Chris Anderson
GOAL OF THERAPY
.. TO HELP CLIENTS LIVE FULLY
INTO THE HERE AND NOW
REALITY OF THEIR LIVES IN
ORDER TO LIVE INTO A SENSE
OF VISION THAT CALLS THEM
FORTH”
© Peggy Hough
PRESENCE
All spiritual disciplines have one purpose: to get
rid of illusions so we can be present.
Everything Belongs, Richard Rohr, P. 31
TRANSFORMATION
To be present
makes us available for transformation.
You cannot transform yourself, or anyone else.
All you can do is create the space for
transformation to happen.
TRANSFORMATION
Pain teaches a most counterintuitive thing,
that we must go down before we even know
what up is.
In terms of the ego, most religions teach in
some way that all must “die before they
die.” Suffering of some sort seems to be
the only thing strong enough to destabilize
our arrogance and our ignorance.
I would define suffering very simply as
whenever I am not in control.
TRANSFORMATION
If we do not transform our pain, we will
most assuredly transmit it.
If there isn’t some way to find some deeper
meaning to our suffering, to find that God is
somewhere in it, and can even use it for
good, we will normally close up and close
down. The natural movement of the ego is
to protect itself so as not to be hurt again.
R. Rohr, Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality, p. 25
TRANSFORMATION
Nowhere
TRANSFORMATION
NowHere
TRANSFORMATION
Nothing
TRANSFORMATION
No Thing
FACE THE PAIN
Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to
face and move through your own pain. Every addiction
starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the
substance you are addicted to - alcohol, food, legal or
illegal drugs, (gambling), or a person - you are using
something or somebody to cover up your pain.
Practicing the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle, p. 89
FACE THE PAIN
This is one reason why most people are always trying
to escape from the present moment and are seeking
some kind of salvation in the future. The first thing that
they might encounter if they focused their attention on
the Now is their own pain, and this is what they fear. If
they only knew how easy it is to access in the Now the
power of presence that dissolves the past and its pain,
the reality that dissolves the illusion. If they only knew
how close they are to their own reality, how close to
God.
Practicing the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle, p. 89
FEAR
If we are not willing to be led through our fears and anxieties,
we will never see or grow. We must always move from one
level to a level we don’t completely understand yet. Every step
up the ladder of moral development is taken in semi-darkness, by
the light of faith. The greatest barrier to the next level of
conscience or consciousness is our comfort and control at the one
we are at now.
Our first response to anyone calling us to truth, greatness,
goodness, or morality at a higher level will be increased anxiety.
At the edges of medieval maps was frequently penciled in the
warning: “Here be dragons.” We confront these dragons when
we approach the edge of our comfort level. If we haven’t been
trained to recognize our fears and let go of them, we will feed
them.
R. Rohr, Everything Belongs, p 112
STAY WITH THE PAIN
In terms of soul work, we dare not get rid of the
pain before we have learned what it has to teach
us.
Everything Belongs, Richard Rohr, P. 43
We can’t leap over our grief work. Nor can we
skip over our despair work. We have to feel it.
Everything Belongs, Richard Rohr, P. 46
“There are two extremes to avoid: being
completely absorbed in your pain and
being distracted by so many things that
you stay far from the wound that you
want to heal”
-Henri Nouwen
Steps of the Recovery Journey
1. Recognize my escape into a
dream world
1. We admitted…
2. Understand the function of
my dream world
2. Came to believe…
3.
Choose:
a. Continue pattern of
escape (addiction)
b. Stop running
© Christopher W Anderson, Christine Billone
3. Made a decision…
The Struggle and Gifts of
Recovery
The Struggle
The Gifts
To distinguish fantasy from
Discernment / Clarity
reality
To choose
Courage
To interrupt the cycle …
Hope
© Christopher W Anderson, Christine Billone
The Struggle and Gifts of
Recovery
The Struggle
The Gifts
..by blocking the flight into
Faith
fantasy (Dream World)
To accept and choose the
Honesty & Courage
truth of one’s life
To embrace the pain and
sorrow in life and to grieve Peace
losses
© Christopher W Anderson, Christine Billone
The Struggle and Gifts of
Recovery
The Struggle
The Gifts
To face the realities of life
Acceptance
To accept responsibility
Empowerment
To make responsible
choices
Freedom
© Christopher W Anderson, Christine Billone
The Struggle and Gifts of
Recovery
The Struggle
The Gifts
To overcome
dissatisfaction (never
enough)
Gratitude (Today I have all
that I need)
To reconnect with one’s
self
Forgiveness &
Reconciliation
To surrender
Humility
© Christopher W Anderson, Christine Billone
The Struggle and Gifts of
Recovery
The Struggle
To build healthy
relationships
The Gifts
Love
To learn how to live life on
Serenity
life’s terms
To live fully in the present
© Christopher W Anderson, Christine Billone
Transformation
Despair and Hope
“Spiritual growth is the willing surrender of images in
favor of the True Images....Those who worship the
images instead of living the reality simply stop
growing spiritually. In this light, the ...
Commandment takes on a whole new power and
poignancy: "You shall not make yourself a carved
image or any likeness of anything in heaven or on
earth or beneath the earth. You shall not bow down
before them”
Rohr, Richard (1995). Radical Grace. Cincinnati, OH: Anthony Messenger Press.
Despair and Hope
”
It seems that many people ... Would sooner relate
to images than to the reality where both despair and
God lie hidden.
Until we walk with this despair, we will not
know that our hope was hope in ourselves. In our
successes, in our power to make a difference, in our
image of what perfection and wholeness should be.
Until we walk with this despair, we will never
uncover the real hope on the other side of human
achievement.
Until we allow the crash and crush of our images,
we will never discover the real life beyond what only
seems like death.”
Rohr, Richard (1995). Radical Grace. Cincinnati, OH: Anthony Messenger Press.
STILLNESS
Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10
STILLNESS
Be still and know that I am
STILLNESS
Be still and know
STILLNESS
Be still
Be