Sexual Abuse
Centre for Wellbeing
Sexual Abuse
(See also sexual assault leaflet)
What is sexual abuse ?
The term “abuse” refers to behaviour towards
another person which is felt by that person to be
inappropriate, intrusive and harmful and which
they feel they don’t have the power to prevent.
This can – and often is – perpetrated by someone
who is in a position of trust towards a child or
a young (under the age of consent which is 16
years) or vulnerable person.
Usually the victim of the abuse cannot
understand fully the implications of what is
happening at the time, so although he or she
may appear to consent to the activity, the
consent is not truly informed. But sometimes
an adult can find him/herself in an abusive
relationship with another adult where there is a
significant power difference.
In this case even where there is apparent
acquiescence, this is usually based on fear of
the consequences of refusal and so is not true
consent. In this kind of relationship – or in a
situation where someone is assaulted by another
person – feelings may come up which are similar
to those experienced in childhood abuse or
bullying. Abuse can be physical, emotional or
sexual or a mixture of these.
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Examples of sexual abuse
Sexual abuse can be an isolated or a recurrent
event. The activities involved can range from
inappropriate touching to sexual penetration.
The abuse can be disguised as play or it may be a
more overt assault. The abuser may be a relative,
an acquaintance or a stranger. While the abuse
is often frightening and traumatic at the time it
occurs, some feelings may not impact fully until
a later date when what has happened is better
understood.
What a Victim may Experience
• Extreme fear and confusion
•Feeling very alone, afraid of telling because of
fear of retribution, fear of the consequences
for the family or that they will not be believed
or taken seriously
•Guilt. The abuser may suggest that they are
to blame for the abuse or they may take
responsibility on themselves. Children naturally
tend to assume responsibility for events that
are not of their making, and this is particularly
true in the case of abuse. The guilt is increased
if the child has had moments of sexual
pleasure from it.
Sexual Abuse
What an Adult Survivor may Experience
It can be hard to make a link between what
you are feeling and experiencing now and what
happened in the past, particularly if it was hard
or impossible for you to talk about it then or
since. Sometimes the experience of abuse –
apparently forgotten for a number of years – can
start to resurface when the person is settled
in a safe environment. Specific events such as
beginning a sexual relationship or becoming a
parent may bring it back and trigger feelings
such as:
•Depression and low self esteem: You may feel
bad about yourself, vulnerable and withdrawn.
You may even feel suicidal in moments
•Anxiety and Panic: In some situations, you may
have flashbacks or panic attacks
•Sleep disturbance: You may find it hard to
get to sleep or stay asleep or you may have
recurrent nightmares and/or wake up sweating
•Relationship difficulties: You may find it hard to
trust others. You may not feel you can enjoy or
be fully present in sexual relationships
•Difficulties concentrating: It may be hard
to think about work, or you may find that
particular topics remind you of what has
happened
•Intense Anger: Possibly directed at the
perpetrator of the abuse with fantasies of
revenge, but also directed at others who may
have colluded in what happened or at the
world in general
•Hypervigilance: You may be startled by
particular kinds of noises or images
•Self destructiveness: Sometimes abuse can
give rise to feelings in or about your body that
may result in an eating disorder or lead you to
misuse alcohol or drugs or feel the urge to cut
yourself
•Lonely, ashamed and embarrassed: It may be
hard to realise how widespread this problem is.
You may even feel as though it is your fault or
that you now have a stigma and that people
can see what happened to you
(Of course, you may have any or all of these
symptoms without having experienced sexual
abuse.)
How to Support Yourself
Try not to blame yourself
No matter what the circumstances of the
sexual abuse of a child, it is never the fault or
responsibility of that child. It is the duty of adults
to care for children and protect them from
exploitation.
Find appropriate outlets for your feelings
If you have been abused, it is natural to feel
angry and full of grief. It can be hard to know
what to do with these feelings. It may not be
possible or helpful to express them to the person
responsible. Even if you do, he or she may well
fail to accept responsibility. You may want to find
someone you trust – a professional or someone
in your personal life – to listen to your story
sympathetically and help you express yourself.
Writing down what you feel is another option.
Exercise or sport can help relieve pent up feelings
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Sexual Abuse
of anger – as can going somewhere private or
noisy and shouting. Grief can be relieved by
allowing time to reflect and by expressing the
sadness.
Take care of yourself now
If you can learn to treat your body with respect
and kindness, you will help the healing process.
Therefore look for simple ways to show care for
yourself and kindness to your body. If you find
you are tempted to harm yourself - for example
by starving or overindulging, by cutting yourself
or even by attempting suicide - seek help and
support so that you can begin to bring this
behaviour under control.
Try not to despair
Human beings are remarkably resilient and have
a vast capacity for healing themselves. You may
feel that you have been irreversible damaged
emotionally or even physically; that you may not
ever be able to form a functioning relationships
or have an enjoyable sex-life. However this is not
likely to be the case. Although you can never
change your history, with time and care you can
make sense of what has happened to you and
can minimise the negative effects.
Try and find both support and privacy
Abuse can be a profoundly isolating experience.
Even when you do speak about it, people may
either dismiss what you tell them or they may
over-react. There are now many agencies which
will offer appropriate support and have much
expertise in helping survivors heal themselves.
Remember you only need to tell the people who
you want to tell and it is up to you to decide how
much you want to tell them.
Centre for Wellbeing
9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday Telephone: 01483 689498 (extension 9498)
E-mail: [email protected]
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