Intercultural Competency in Practice
Things NOT to Say/Things TO Say to:
 African American Colleagues
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American Indian/Alaskan Colleagues
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Asian American/ Pacific Islander Colleagues
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Biracial/Multiracial Colleagues
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Caucasian Colleagues
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Colleagues with Disabilities
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Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered (GLBT) Colleagues
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Hispanic American/Latino Colleagues
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International Colleague
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Muslim Colleagues
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Older Colleagues
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Veteran Colleagues
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Younger Colleagues
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African American Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. “You're SO articulate!”
You're so … articulate? Smart? Different? Yes, the speaker may intend a compliment, but what may be meant as
praise instead comes across as being condescending. It implies the person being complimented is an exception
to the rule and is exhibiting behavior atypical of others of his or her ethnic background.
2. “Is that your real hair?”
While the speaker may intend to express curiosity, this is most often perceived as an insult. It is none of your
business whether or not a person uses fake hair or not.
3. “’You’ people”
This phrase generalizes all African-Americans and is perceived as an insult. No group of individuals act or think
the same.
4. “Do you eat a lot of … (plug in the offending stereotype here)”
There's nothing wrong with natural curiosity about the ethnic eating habits of some of your coworkers. The
problem lies in focusing on stereotypical Black fare such as fried chicken, watermelon, etc. It reveals the speaker
has a very limited and narrow perception of Black culture and cuisine.
5. “Why are you so angry?”
This one is more often directed at Black males, thanks in large part to the media, which often portrays Black men
as being angry and/or criminals.
6. “Why are you acting white?”
Consider this a relative of "You're so articulate." Why would exhibiting proper behavior, manners or dialect be
categorized as acting white? If that's the case, what does it mean to act Black?
7. “You don't sound Black over the phone.”
What does Black sound like?
8. “I don't think of you as Black.”
This is another well-intentioned insult. It implies that there is something wrong with being Black.
9. “You graduated from where?”
It is an unguarded question that demonstrates the speaker’s surprise. The perception is that the speaker is
calling into question the individual’s ability, worth, or determination.
10. The N-word
The ultimate faux pas. In our society, a double standard does exist concerning who has the right to use or not
use this word. However, it is always unacceptable for anyone to use it in a business setting.
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African American Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. "You presented your project very well."
Complimenting someone on a specific task as opposed to their speech, intelligence or "difference," removes the
condescending stigma attached to remarks such as "you're so articulate" or "you're so smart."
2. "I like your hairstyle."
African American women are particularly sensitive about their hair. Instead of inquiring as to whether or not the
hair is real or fake, simply give a compliment.
3. "I see you as an individual."
This is normally the intended message when someone says, “I don’t think of you as Black.” Don’t focus on the
ethnicity; focus on the individuality.
4. "Where did you go to school?" or "That's great, what did you think of their program?"
Sometimes it's more a matter of changing your tone than your words. It's fine to ask a coworker about his or her
educational background, as long as you accept the answer without shock or judgment.
American Indian/Alaskan Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "Hey, Chief"
Unless the person you are addressing is actually chief of a tribe or nation, and you are aware of that fact, calling
an American Indian "chief" can be insulting.
2. "Squaw"
While there are different opinions as to the exact meaning and origin of the word "squaw," that doesn't give you
free license to use it with American Indians, male or female. The word is believed to have come from the
Algonquian Indian term for "woman," but it began taking on derogatory meanings as early as the 19th century,
and many now see it as a reference to a woman's sexual organs.
3. "How Indian are you?"
Just as you wouldn't ask a Black person how "Black" he or she is, it's insensitive to ask how Indian someone is.
4. "Hold down the fort"
In a general context, "hold down the fort" simply refers to leaving someone in charge. But when said in
reference to American Indians, it may be interpreted to mean "watch out for the Indians." In historical context,
forts were generally used in America to keep Indians from invading the camp.
5. "Do you live in a teepee?"
There is a misconception that all American Indian tribes once lived in teepees. But different tribes lived in many
different types of structures. Tribes such as the Pueblo Indians of the Southwest lived in a complex multiresidential structure made of adobe. In fact, Indians still inhabit the Taos Pueblo, estimated to be about 1,000
years old. As for teepees, the tribes that did live in them haven't done so for generations, for the most part.
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6. "Pow-wow"
A pow-wow is a social gathering for ceremonial purposes, and many tribes still hold them on a regular basis.
Using this out of context to refer to a meeting or a quick get-together with an American Indian coworker
trivializes this tradition and could be taken as desecration and offensive.
7. "Climbing the totem pole" or "Low man on the totem pole"
In corporate America, the phrase "climbing the totem pole" may be used to refer to someone who is advancing
in his or her career. But it's a myth that there was a specific hierarchy in importance to images carved in totem
poles, which were vertical sculptures mainly associated with tribes along the Pacific Northwest. Therefore, this
phrase can be perceived as insensitive since there is no actual bottom on a totem pole.
8. "Indian-giver"
"Indian-giver" is a derogatory term for someone who gives something away and then asks for it back. It was
coined during the struggle for land when settlers came to the new world. At that time, many settlers bought
land from various tribes of American Indians with trinkets. However, oftentimes the American Indians had no
concept of land ownership and did not understand that they were signing over the land.
9. "That's a nice costume"
Traditional American Indian regalia is very expensive and also bears heavy religious significance. Therefore, to
refer to is as a costume is demeaning.
American Indian/Alaskan Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. “Please tell me about your heritage.” Or “Which tribe do you identify with?”
This comment respectfully solicits the individual to describe his/her American Indian/Alaskan heritage.
2. “Could you please describe the significance of your traditional regalia?”
This acknowledges that the regalia holds special significance and allows the speaker to learn.
Asian American/Pacific Islander Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "You must be the IT person" or "You must be so good at math."
It is a stereotype that all Asian Americans are highly competent with math and technology. Although these are
stereotypes that presume positive traits, they still have damaging effects.
2. "You aren't like them" or "You don't act very Asian."
There are many variations to this comment. This expresses the speaker’s generalization that all Asian
Americans think and behave the same way. Besides, what does it mean to “act Asian?”
3. "Asian Americans are not risk takers."
Yet another stereotype. Not only does this statement generalize, but it also strips away the individual’s
individuality.
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4. "Where are you from? No, where are you really from?" or "When are you going to go home?" or "How
often do you go home?"
These questions assume that all Asian Americans are recent immigrants. Among Chinese and Japanese
Americans, there are families who have lived in the United States for at least six generations.
5. "Oh, you speak English good!" or "Do you speak your language?"
The implication is that the speaker assumed the individual to be a recent immigrant or ignorant.
Also, inherent in being surprised that an Asian American speaks English well is the assumption that an Asian
American, who speaks with an accent, has difficulty communicating.
6. "You're not a minority because all Asians are rich and successful."
This comment reveals the damage stereotypes cause. While a high percentage of Asian Americans graduate
with college degrees, there are very few Asian Americans at high levels in corporations, institutions, agencies,
etc. Asian Americans currently occupy 1.5 percent of corporate board seats among Fortune 500 companies, up
from 1.2 percent in 2005, according to the 2007 Corporate Board Report Card by the Committee of 100, an
Asian-American corporate-advocacy organization.
7. "You're not Asian, you're from India."
"Asian American" is a general term for Asians and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) living in the United States. According
to U.S. Race and Ethnic Standards for Federal Statistics and Administrative Reporting, Asian Americans and
Pacific Islanders refer to people who can trace their original background to the Far East, Southeast Asia, the
Indian subcontinent, or the Pacific Islands, including Native Hawaiians.
8. "Can't you 'Americanize' your name?"
This communicates the speaker’s expectation for the individual to accommodate the speaker by changing
his/her name. This is ethnocentric. In today’s society, you must adapt.
9. "If war broke out between your native country and America, which side would you support?"
This comment assumes that the individual is a recent immigrant and is unpatriotic to the United States of
America. Many Asian American families have been U.S. citizens for generations and have greatly contributed to
the country. To them, this comment is especially hurtful and insulting.
10. "You're not exactly leadership material."
Through this statement, not only are Asian Americans viewed as not being leaders, but their cultural norms are
being interpreted as passive.
Asian American/Pacific Islander Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. Compliment an Asian colleague on what he/she communicates instead of how well he/she speaks English
To do otherwise is to risk insulting the individual’s intelligence.
2. Compliment actions--leave race out of it
Simply say, “You did a great job,” instead of, “You did a great job for an Asian American.”
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3. Acknowledge ignorance when making a connection
It is okay to admit ignorance. Just say, “I’m not quite sure how to ask this, but I would like to know…”
Biracial/Multiracial Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "What are you?"
Inanimate objects and things are “whats.” Human beings are “whos.”
2. "What is your nationality?" or "You look foreign"
A person’s nationality is tied to where they were born. Most biracial/multiethnic individuals in the U.S. are
American.
3. "You're all beautiful" or "You make beautiful babies"
A well-intentioned stereotype that is still awkward and has negative effects.
4. "Are you X or Y?" or "Which side are you more on?"
A person who is biracial or multiethnic may have several ethnicities such as: African-American/Caucasian or
Hispanic/Italian that can be broken down into fractions scientifically. However, socially, that person is just as
much one ethnicity as he/she is another. Those comments force the individual to choose or prioritize his/her
ethnicities which is insensitive.
5. "How in the world did your parents meet?"
Often a comment or question is considered rude because of the way it's addressed. Asked in the manner
above, the question implies that it is incomprehensible for the individual’s to have met and conceived a child.
6. "You're the future" or "You have the best of both worlds"
Mixed-race people are often idealized as saviors of a world enveloped in racial strife. The thought is that the
number of mixed-race people will force mono-race people throughout the world to cast aside their ideas of
racial hierarchy. This imparts unrealistic expectations on the individual that may or may not be wanted.
7. "You don't look …" or "You're not …" or "You sound white"
These comments are always demeaning and make the individual feel not good enough. The perception is that
the individual is not “White enough” to be considered Caucasian or enough of his/her other ethnicity(ies) to be
consider of that ethnic background.
8. "Aren't we all mixed anyway?"
The speaker may intend to unify individuals with that statement, instead, he/she is stripping the
biracial/multiethnic individual of his/her identity and experience.
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Biracial/Multiracial Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. “What term do you prefer.”
Some individuals may prefer “multiracial,” “multiethnic,” “mixed race” or “biracial.” However, it is important to
find out which term the individual prefers because he/she has a right to be referred to by the term that he/she
prefers.
2. "What is your heritage?"
This is the proper way to inquire about an individual’s ethnic make-up. It respects the person and his/her
diversity.
3. "Do you identify with one culture more than the other?"
Instead of asking, "What are you mostly?"--which can be construed as a confrontational question that tries to
pigeonhole a person--ask an open-ended question, such as the one above.
4. Keep communication clear by reflecting back what's been said to you.
Repeat back what the individual has just said in order to ensure accuracy.
5. Know that biracial and multiethnic people are diverse.
Be careful not to generalize them. Also, understand that a person may identify with an ethnicity even if he/she
does not look as if he/she does.
Caucasian Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "You're a carpet-bagger" or "Why is a white guy doing this?"
It is often said in murmurs but not openly talked about that white people involved or interested in the diversity
initiatives are carpet-baggers, people involved for the money rather than the mission.
2. "You're not diverse"
This is highly divisive and insulting. Diversity includes Caucasians. It is incorrect and insulting to use the word
"diverse" to refer to people other than white heterosexual men with no ADA-defined disabilities. All people are
included in the concept of "diversity." As a result, properly executed diversity management benefits all people in
an organization. Also, too often, non-white people assume whites don't come from a diverse background or
have any experience with different cultures. Some white people also make this mistake.
3. "There's no way you as a white person can understand"
The reflexive response by the individual is, “Then why should I try or care?” Don't beat up your Caucasian
colleagues by cloaking them in the shroud of "ignorant oppressor" while wearing the shroud of "victim." Look
for the personal stories that will develop commonalities and shared ideas.
4. White men are automatically "in the corporate in-crowd"
Being isolated or segregated from the in-crowd is not unique to executives who are Black, Latino, Asian
American, Native American, people with disabilities or GLBT people.
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5. "You're just a typical white person"
The implication in such a statement is that all white people are alike, and that white people are all predisposed
to be prejudiced. There is also the connotation that the individual is hopeless in becoming no more than a
“white person.”
6. "You KNOW you're being racist"
Unless there is clear evidence, don’t assume that the individual had racist intent. Many Caucasians struggle with
“white guilt” (a feeling of personal responsibility for the suffering inflicted on minorities by historical Caucasians)
and because of it feel awkward and/or nervous discussing diversity topics. This only removes the attention from
the principal subject and attacks the individual. Some minorities exploit this white guilt in order to consciously
upset the individual.
7. "You talk about us when we're not around"
Being in the majority group provides freedom from the constant concern of race issues and fear of people who
do not share your racial or ethnic background. Therefore, Caucasians usually are not talking about African
Americans, Latinos or Asian Americans when people from those groups are not around. This also implies that
the individual is conspiring against the speaker.
8. "You've got all the money"
The majority of people living in poverty are Caucasian, but the percentage of Caucasians living in poverty is far
less than the percentage of African American, Latinos and American Indians. However, this statement
erroneously generalizes the entire Caucasian race.
9. "I don't like white people" or "I don't get white people"
This offensive statement not only generalizes but unfairly displaces the speaker’s negative sentiments of a few
Caucasians onto all Caucasians. In addition, this comment does not yield solutions.
Caucasian Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. “What is your heritage?”
Many non-Caucasian individuals discount that all Caucasians have very rich heritage. Caucasians have ancestral
ties to Germany, Ireland, Sweden, England, etc. This is diversity too.
2. “What do you think about?”
Oftentimes, non-Caucasian individuals hesitate to ask their Caucasian counterparts’ opinions on raciallysensitive subjects. This is a fallacy. Just because an individual is not of the affinity that is affected does not
mean that he/she does not care or have a constructive opinion about it. Don’t leave Caucasians out of diversity
discussions and issues. They are impacted by these issues as well, and it will take a collective effort to identify a
solution.
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Colleagues with Disabilities
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "What's wrong/what happened?" or "Were you born that way?"
People view their disabilities differently. While some people may feel comfortable discussing their conditions,
these are still very personal questions. They most definitely should not be the first questions you ask when
meeting someone with a disability. And what's "wrong" should never be asked.
2. "Oh, if you just have faith, you can be healed."
Suggesting that a person can be "fixed" by a religious or medical breakthrough is not only insensitive, it also
discounts the diagnosis of a qualified doctor. This, for some newly diagnosed people, may make dealing with
medical issues more difficult.
3. Speaking slowly or loudly to someone who is in a wheelchair.
A common misconception is that people with physical disabilities, such as a motor or sensory impairment, also
have other disabilities, particularly mental disabilities.
4. "I don't even think of you as a person with a disability."
People with disabilities and advocates debate whether this is a "compliment" or an insult; however, many warn
that it can come across as degrading a person.
5. "How do you go to the bathroom?"
Questioning how someone uses the restroom is a rude question--period. It can be especially offensive to a
person with a disability because it assumes that person has trouble managing basic tasks. And while you may be
curious about how a person with disabilities manages things, unless your coworker volunteers the information,
it's really none of your business.
6. "But you look so good."
There is no doubt that in today's corporate America that keeping a good game face is important to one's
success. While this can be difficult for some people with disabilities, no one wants to have his or her work
discounted.
7. "Oh, you're here, you must feel better."
It's wrong to assume that because someone is at work, he or she is feeling better, or not affected by his or her
disability that day. For people with chronic or "invisible" illnesses, becoming accustomed to living with the
disability is a necessary part of an individual's day-to-day life.
8. "It's probably just stress."
This undermines a diagnosis given by a qualified medical professional and makes it seem as though the person
with a disability is exaggerating.
9. "My [insert relative] had that, and she manages just fine."
The effects of a disease can and often do manifest themselves differently from one person to the next.
Measuring the extent of a person's disability against the condition of another person is insulting.
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10. "No pain, no gain!"
This cliché does not apply when it comes to disability. It is highly insensitive.
11. "It's all in your head."
This is especially infuriating for people who struggled to get a diagnosis for their symptoms. Just because
symptoms are not visible to others doesn't mean a person doesn't have an illness or disability. Leave the medical
interpretations to the experts. This occurs frequently for those with mental illnesses. According to the Mayo
Clinic, "To some, the word 'mental' suggests that the illness is not a legitimate medical condition but rather a
problem caused by your own choices and actions."
12. "You're just looking for attention/pity."
Many people think that those with disabilities are helpless, broken and weak. The stigma is one that newly
diagnosed people often have to grapple with in their own minds, which makes it even more hurtful to hear this
from other people. But the stigma is wrong.
13. "I really admire your courage/how you pretend nothing's wrong."
People with disabilities learn to adapt their lives around their disability. It is not a show of courage or denial to
carry on, and to insinuate such is offensive.
Colleagues with Disabilities
~ Things TO Say
1. "You may not need help, but please don't hesitate to ask me if you do."
This expresses a desire to help without implying that the individual needs help.
2. "What is the term that you prefer?"
Black or African American? Gay or homosexual? Handicapped or a person with a disability? Labeling someone
because of a preconceived notion is also a stumbling block that some otherwise well-meaning employees run
into.
3. "May I ask about your disability?"
By requesting permission, the speaker demonstrates his/her respect for the individual’s privacy.
Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered (GLBT) Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "I suspected you were gay."
Although it is a common response, it's insensitive and plays into stereotypes.
2. "I'm sorry."
Why should you apologize for a colleague's orientation? This implies judgment and can make the situation
more difficult. Would you apologize for a person's ethnicity or gender?
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3. "Why did you tell me that?"
It's important for people to bring their "whole selves" to work, and coming out of the closet is certainly a part
of who one is. This response also disregards how difficult it may have been for the individual to disclose that
aspect of his/her identity.
4. "Which bathroom do you use?"
Transgender people often are asked what gender they are. It is important to remember that gender identity is
becoming an increasingly sensitive subject.
5. "We are not close enough for you to share that information with me."
Not all employees are interested in their coworkers' personal lives. However, this response diminishes the
individual’s effort and trust in the speaker to divulge that information. Always remain respectful.
6. Referring to coworkers as "she-male."
There has been a lot of uproar these days over this phrase. Transgender employees often are the brunt of
culturally insensitive jokes and comments.
7. "What do you like to do in bed?"
Sexual questions and comments are always off-limits. Not only do you run the risk of offending a colleague, you
are also teetering the line of sexual harassment.
Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered (GLBT) Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to tell me.
This removes any form of judgment and acknowledges the individual’s demonstration of trust in the speaker.
2. What pronoun should I use when referring to you?
Questions about transgender people or people in transition can be difficult. However, it is always better to
simply ask.
3. I feel very comfortable around you.
Instead of saying the well-intentioned, “I don't consider you gay," just say what you truly mean. Focus on the
bond that you are forming instead of the sexual orientation of the person with whom you are forming the bond.
4. How was your weekend?
Including LGBT coworkers in the "weekend conversations" allows for open communication and is a way to
encourage LGBT coworkers to bring their "whole selves" to the office.
Hispanic American/Latino Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "Don't worry, you'll get the promotion, you're Latino."
This comment tells the Latino person that his or her ethnicity speaks louder than accomplishments; it's a classic
affirmative-action stereotype that Latinos and Blacks deal with constantly.
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2. "When did you arrive in this country?"
This comment assumes that everyone of Latin descent is a foreigner.
3. "Hola! Habla Ingles?"
This question is patronizing, especially when those three words are the only Spanish the speaker knows. Just
speak English.
4. "Do you live with your parents?"
Don't assume that because someone is Latino, he/she doesn't live on his own. This is very offensive.
5. "You're not like them."
This generalizes the individual and suggests that there is one way of being Latino.
6. "Can you show me your knife?"
This insult refers to a time when mainstream news reports out of New York City told about Puerto Rican gangs
wielding knifes.
7. "Why don't all you Latinos stop doing that?"
This statement assumes that because a person is Latino, he /she can influence an entire group. Latinos certainly
are a varied group, from different countries of origin and with different race/ethnicities/cultural background.
Lumping them all together is a common and silly assumption.
8. "You're not white."
Latinos greatly vary in complexion and can resemble Caucasians. This statement indicates the speaker’s
ignorance.
9. Butchering a Latino's last name.
This is rude to anyone. Give a valid effort or ask the individual how to pronounce his/her name.
10. "Do you speak Spanish?"
This seemingly harmless question can be perceived to be a question of how Latino the individual is. If you ask
this question to a Latino, you should also ask this question to any other colleague. Otherwise, it will be taken as
a generalization.
Hispanic American/Latino Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. “What is your ethnicity?”
The word Latino is an umbrella term that covers many different cultures. Although they are connected by the
Spanish language, Cuban culture varies from Puerto Rican culture, which varies from Mexican culture, which
varies from Colombian or Peruvian cultures. This question acknowledges the diversity, demonstrates respect,
and allows the individual to give an accurate answer.
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2. “How do you want to be perceived?”
Different cultures have various fashions, and at times these differences may be at odds with the general attire
needed for day-to-day business. However, there are more effective ways to address the issue of a colleague's
inappropriate attire than criticizing. Keeping away from a cultural reference and sticking to the point at hand
can prove to be beneficial for not only the employee but the supervisor as well.
3. “Could you please share with me why you think that way.”
Instead of expecting all Latinos to have similar opinions, ideas, experiences and backgrounds, a better approach
is to see them as individuals first. That means you shouldn't expect your Latino colleague to answer for all
Latinos when speaking about an issue.
4. “What types of food are traditional in your family?”
Taking the direct approach works well, especially when dealing with culturally specific things like food.
5. “You got this job because you are the best candidate and you're Latino.”
Successful Latinos, like other traditionally underrepresented groups, are often viewed as filling quotas rather
than as accomplished professionals in their field. However, that doesn't mean that being Latino doesn't give
them a competitive edge for the same reason their experience does. In understanding that both a person's
experience as well as his or her culture could be assets to a company, you gain a better perspective as to why
they may be in that position.
6. “I'm sorry, I don't speak or understand Spanish. Please speak in English.”
Out of habit, a bilingual Spanish-speaking employee may revert to his/her native tongue if he/she is around
others who also speak the language. However, if there are others in the room who don't understand, it can
sometimes make them uncomfortable. This is a non-insulting way to correct of miscommunication.
International Colleagues
~Things NOT to Say
1. You're from _______, right?
Never jump to conclusions.
2. You must have such a sad story to tell.
Don't assume that every immigrant was poor and destitute before arriving in America. Between 1962 and 1965,
for example, about 200,000 of the wealthiest, most affluent Cubans relocated to the United States.
3. But you speak English so well!
That's an insult to an immigrant's intelligence and education level. In reality, 12.5 percent of U.S. immigrants
hold master's degrees versus 8 percent of the native-born population, reports the U.S. Census Bureau. But
even if a colleague who wasn't born in the United States speaks perfect English, it's not something he or she
necessarily wants to draw attention to or to be complimented on.
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International Colleagues
~Things TO Say
1. May I ask where you are from?
This is a polite gesture in order to get the information that you want to know. This shows the person respect.
2. Tell me about your country. OR What is it like to live in ____?
This is a great way to engage your colleague. Your colleague will more than likely be happy to share a piece of
their home country and jump to the opportunity to tell you about their culture.
Muslim Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "Why can't Muslims decide when Ramadan starts?"
Since the Islamic calendar is lunar, Ramadan is determined by the sighting of the new moon, which varies from
year to year. And like other faiths, there are interpretational differences in beliefs. Providing flexible hours and
allowing floating holidays will permit employees of Islamic and other faiths to celebrate their holidays without
using all their vacation time.
2. "Why can't you eat today?"
During the month of Ramadan, Muslims fast during daytime hours, so scheduling office parties, fall festivals and
luncheon meetings at that time can put Muslims in an uncomfortable situation. Education and consideration
are key. Ideally, it would be great to not schedule such events involving food at that time.
3. "But you don't look/dress like a Muslim."
With an estimated 1.6 billion Muslims worldwide, to think all look and dress similarly is a stereotype. In reality,
Islam principle specifically states that there's no compulsion in faith. Conversely, asking a Muslim woman why
she doesn't cover her body in a black niqab or drapery is equally inappropriate.
4. "I didn't know you were Arab."
This is another culturally insensitive comment. The reason: Only about 20 percent of Muslims worldwide are
Middle Eastern. According to the American Religious Identification Survey, 10 percent of Muslims are Latino, 15
percent are white, 27 percent are Black and 34 percent are Asian. Islam is a religion, not an ethnicity.
5. "Why can't you pray on your coffee break?"
Depending on the times allowed for office breaks, this comment can violate religious rights. That's because
Muslims must pray at specific times. The second and third prayers are during business hours. What's more,
Muslim prayer involves standing up and bowing on the floor, which can be awkward to perform in the
workplace. It's also preferred that prayer be done in a group. Progressive companies will designate a private
room or other facility for group prayer. On Fridays, when Muslims are obligated to pray in mosques and not in
the office, an extended lunch would be a great way to accommodate them.
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Muslim Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. I don’t know much about Ramadan. Could you tell me more about it?
This demonstrates interest and allows you to learn more about that particular holiday.
2. I would like to be more aware of your needs. Could you explain about your fasting regulations?
As with all communication, it’s all in the presentation. This shows respect and genuine concern.
3. Is there anything you need to help accommodate your faith needs?
Depending on your position of power, this is important to ask so that your Muslim colleagues can adequately
fulfill their faith needs, particularly prayer.
Older Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "I didn't know you were so old."
Expressing shock when someone reveals his or her age is not the best way to establish rapport with your older
colleagues. Age a sensitive topic, for varying reasons, and you may send a message that's counter to your intent.
Before you gasp or wrinkle your nose, take a step back and think about your intention. If you're implying the
person looks good for his or her age, simply offer the compliment.
2. "Have you had work done?"
This question is highly offensive. It suggests that the individual should look worse than he/she does. For
someone who is self-conscious about his/her age, it can be mortifying.
3. "Do you know how to use Excel?"
Contrary to popular belief, older workers are not as a technologically "unplugged" as many people think. In fact,
older workers have been using computers (or some form of them) for the past 20 years.
Older Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. “Can I ask your opinion?” “Can you assist me?”
Older workers battle with the notion that somehow they are not needed. While younger employees have the
drive and energy, older employees have the experience and historical references. Don’t be afraid to ask for
help. In addition, this makes older colleagues feel needed in a time when they are often made to feel useless.
2. “You look very nice.” or “You take good care of your body.”
This allows you to compliment the individual without suggesting that he/she should look worse at his/her age.
Focus on the true message.
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Veteran Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "Thank you for your service, but I don't think we should have been there in the first place."
Everyone has an opinion about the war but not everyone wants to hear it. Recognize that your opinion is a
personal view which may not be appropriate to share.
2. "Are you a lesbian?"
The idea that all women in the military are lesbians is not only archaic but it also plays into stereotypes. Don't
assume and don't be rude.
3. "You're too rigid to deal with sudden changes."
Because service members are forced to adhere to a rigid schedule, many civilians assume they are unable to
think outside the box or adapt quickly. That couldn't be further from the truth. Many veterans are among the
most adaptable employees around.
4. "Do you have post-traumatic stress disorder?"
This question is too personal. Allow the veteran to volunteer that information. If he/she doesn’t, then leave it
alone.
5. "What's the worst thing that happened to you over there?"
To non-veterans, this seems like a harmless question, but it's inappropriate.
6. "Have you ever killed anyone?"
This question invades the veteran's privacy and it forces him or her to possibly relive painful memories.
Veteran Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. Thank you for your service.
You don’t have to agree with the war or the military strategy, but understand that the soldiers do not make
those decisions. They have to carry them out. It is a thankless job, and the least you can do is say, “Thank you.”
2. What was your experience like?
This opens the conversation up to allow the veteran colleague to share what he/she wants to share instead of
what you want to hear.
Younger Colleagues
~ Things NOT to Say
1. "You sound just like my son/daughter."
This statement may seem benign, but comparing a Generation Y or millennial coworker to your children might
be insulting. The reason: It positions the person as an inexperienced "kid" rather than a valued colleague.
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2. "You wouldn't understand since this is your first job."
Just because a coworker is young doesn't necessarily mean he or she has no prior work experience. Nowadays,
the average American has had eight different jobs by the age of 32, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor
Statistics. Because of this work-force trend, younger employees are often more acclimated to adapting to new
jobs than older employees.
3. "How old are you?"
It's inappropriate to ask this of anyone, regardless of his or her age. To a younger colleague, this question can be
perceived as a question of their experience or ability.
4. "Can you go to Starbucks for me?"
Working your way up the corporate ladder should not include running a supervisor's personal errands. This
request is demeaning and inappropriate; it makes young employees feel their professional contributions aren't
valued, and it reduces productivity.
Younger Colleagues
~ Things TO Say
1. "You've got a strong work ethic" or "Those were great ideas."
There's a workplace myth that young employees are used to being spoon-fed and, therefore, have a poor work
ethic. In reality, most are energetic, enthusiastic and eager to learn new skills. Properly managed, 20-somethings
can be a tremendous asset to your team. But they need recognition, respect and to feel valued, so be sure to
regularly (yet genuinely) compliment young coworkers when they've done something above average.
2. "I really appreciate your feedback (or contributions) to our team."
Individuals of the millennial generation are generally self-centered while baby-boomers tend to be more focused
on teamwork. This comment acknowledges the individual’s competence while reminding him/her of the
importance of teamwork.
3. "You're showing great leadership skills."
Since young employees are often just starting out at a company--and may not be in a position to manage
projects--speaking up, standing out and demonstrating their leadership abilities can be difficult. That doesn't
mean millennial coworkers don't possess the skills necessary to lead. In the long run, effective communication
with young employees will only benefit the organization.
*************************************************************************************
References
Canessa Jr., Kevin, (2009). Things NEVER to Say to Asian-American Coworkers. In Things NOT to Say. Retrieved
Aug. 11, 2009 from http://www.diversityinc.com
Canessa Jr., Kevin, (2009). Things NEVER to Say to a Foreign-Born Coworker. In Things NOT to Say. Retrieved
Aug. 11, 2010 from http://www.diversityinc.com
Canessa Jr., Kevin, (2009). Things NEVER to Say to Young Coworkers. In Things NOT to Say. Retrieved Aug. 11,
2009 from http://www.diversityinc.com
Canessa Jr., Kevin, (2009). Things ‘to’ Say to Young Coworkers. In Things TO Say. Retrieved Aug. 11, 2009 from
http://www.diversityinc.com
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Cole, Yoji, (2008). 8 Things NEVER to Say to a Mixed-Race Colleague. In Things NOT to Say. Retrieved Aug. 11,
2009 from http://www.diversityinc.com
Cole, Yoji, (2008). What ‘to’ say to Biracial/Multiethnic Coworkers. In Things TO Say. Retrieved Aug. 11, 2009
from http://www.diversityinc.com
Gerbush, Robyn H., (2008). 'But You Look So Good!' and 7 Other Things NOT to Say to a Person With a NonVisible Disability. In Things NOT to Say. Retrieved Aug. 11, 2009 from http://www.diversityinc.com
Hannah, Daryl C., (2008). 7 Things NEVER to Say to LGBT Coworkers. In Things NOT to Say. Retrieved Aug. 11,
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Hannah, Daryl C., (2008). Things ‘to’ say to Black Coworkers. In Things TO Say. Retrieved Aug. 11, 2009 from
http://www.diversityinc.com
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http://www.diversityinc.com
Rivera, Zayda, (2008). Things ‘to’ say to Latino Coworkers. In Things TO Say. Retrieved Aug. 11, 2010 from
http://www.diversityinc.com
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The DiversityInc staff, (2009). 10 Things NEVER to Say to Latino Executives. In Things NOT to Say. Retrieved Aug.
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The DiversityInc staff, (2009). Things ‘to’ say to Asian Coworkers. In Things TO Say. Retrieved Aug. 11, 2009 from
http://www.diversityinc.com
The DiversityInc staff, (2008). Things ‘to’ say to People with Disabilities. In Things TO Say. Retrieved Aug. 11,
2009 from http://www.diversityinc.com
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from http://www.diversityinc.com
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