Wedding Planning Guide Central Lutheran Church 333 South 12th Street Minneapolis, Minnesota 55404 ♦ 612-870-4416 www.centralmpls.org Table of Contents Introduction …………………………………………………………………………………………….. 3 The Basics ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. 4 Preliminary Arrangements …………………………………………………………………………….. 4 Communication …………………………………………………………………………………………. 4 Fees ……………………………………………………………………………………………………….. 4 Driving Directions ……………………………………………………………………………………… 5 Parking …………………………………………………………………………………………………... 7 Access for the Disabled ………………………………………………………………………………… 7 Drug & Alcohol Policy …………………………………………………………………………………. 7 Security …………………………………………………………………………………………………... 8 Receptions ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. 8 Marriage License ………………………………………………………………………………………... 8 Your Pastor ……………………………………………………………………………………………… 9 Visiting Clergy …………………………………………………………………………………………. 10 Pre-Marital Counseling ……………………………………………………………………………….. 10 Your Wedding Coordinator ………………………………………………………………................. 11 The Rehearsal ………………………………………………………………………………................. 11 The Sanctuary ………………………………………………………………………………................. 12 Candles …………………………………………………………………………………………………. 12 Flowers …………………………………………………………………………………………………. 13 Photography/Videography …………………………………………………………………………… 13 Miscellaneous Concerns ………………………………………………………………………………. 13 Dressing Rooms ……………………………………………………………………………………….. 14 The Marriage Liturgy ………………………………………………………………………………… 15 Order of Service ……………………………………………………………………………………….. 15 Scripture ………………………………………………………………………………………………... 20 Vows ……………………………………………………………………………………………………. 21 Ring Texts ………………………………………………………………………………………………. 25 Music Guidance ……………………………………………………………………………………….. 26 Hymns ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. 28 Your Wedding Service Folder ………………………………………………………………………... 29 Frequently Asked Questions ………………………………………………………………………... 31 Thinking About Your Wedding Service ………………………………………………………….. 35 Pastoral & Wedding Staff …………………………………………………………………………… 36 -2- INTRODUCTION Congratulations on your engagement! You are at the beginning of an important journey, and we are honored that you want Central to share in your joy on the day of your marriage. As you plan this service, we hope these materials will help guide you so that your wedding will be a joyous act of worship. By attending to details in a timely and thoughtful matter now, you and your guests will be able to focus on celebrating your union in the presence of God on the day you are married. As you move through this planning process, do so carefully and prayerfully. Remember that marriage is a rite of the church, “intended for the joy and mutual strength of those who enter it and for the well-being of the whole human family” (Evangelical Lutheran Worship, ELW). The most important thing about your wedding day is not the flowers, the clothes, the pictures, or the party. The most important thing is worshiping the Creator and Giver of all things… the one who makes everything possible! Our sincere hope is that you will put far more energy into preparing for your marriage than for the single day of your wedding. This booklet will provide an overview of what is involved in having a wedding at Central. If you have further questions, feel free to contact the Administrative Assistant in the Office of the Senior Pastor (see page 36 for contact information). We want your wedding to be a joyful occasion, and we are here to support you as you prepare. Thank you for inviting us to share this important day in your life. Please note that the policies and fees presented in this document are subject to change. Please feel free to contact the Church Office for confirmation or clarification of these policies. -3- THE BASICS PRELIMINARY ARRANGEMENTS All who wish to plan a marriage at Central Lutheran Church (members and nonmembers) are asked to fill out a “Marriage Request” form. This document allows the pastors and staff to learn a little bit about you and to begin the scheduling process. For a copy of this form contact the Administrative Assistant in the Office of the Senior Pastor at 612-767-9203. Please understand that dates are often booked far in advance, and it is Central’s policy to schedule only one wedding per week, and seldom more than two each month. Additionally, Central does not schedule weddings on the church campus during the church year seasons of Advent and Lent. (This includes the Saturday prior to the first Sunday of Advent.) Members may contact the church 6 to 12 months in advance of a requested service date. Non-members may contact the church 9-12 months in advance of a requested service date. It is helpful to have a few different dates in mind. You may list more than one date on the Marriage Request form and indicate your preferred choice. No date, for member or non-member, can be confirmed earlier than 12 months before the requested date. (For example, if you request August 20, 2012 on August 1, 2011, Central will not be able to confirm the date until August 20, 2011.) COMMUNICATION It is Central’s practice that the wedding couple communicate directly with the Central staff (including their assigned Central pastor, musician, wedding coordinator, and the administrative assistant in the office of the senior pastor), rather than asking a parent/guardian or outside wedding coordinator to facilitate communication. This helps to eliminate confusion during the planning process, and allows the Central staff members to better build a relationship with the wedding couple. FEES The wedding fee is $1,100 for members and $1,600 for non-members. As a down payment, a $300 non-refundable deposit for members (or $400 for non-members) is required to secure the date. The member wedding fee will apply when one or both parties getting married are Central members at the time the date/deposit have been confirmed. If fees present a financial hardship, you may discuss this with your assigned Central pastor. The wedding fee covers an honorarium to the assigned Central pastor, musician, and wedding coordinator. It also covers the cost of additional work by our building and -4- security staff, and the cost of parking for you and your guests. The musician provides a music planning consultation, as well as a brief rehearsal on the day of your wedding if you have a soloist. Any additional requirements of the musician (or the involvement of additional musicians) may incur additional fees. (For more information, refer to the Music Guidance section of this guide.) The pastor conducting your wedding normally requires that you take the PREPARE Inventory (offered approximately every other month at Central), and participate in at least three pre-marital counseling sessions. To include visiting musicians or clergy in your service, Central’s staff must consult with you and approve their participation. Because Central’s staff members must be available to assist guest worship leaders and offer you guidance through the planning process, working with outside participants will not change the wedding fees stated above. You will need to discuss appropriate additional compensation for visiting participants (which will not be taken from the church fee) independently with them. (For information about visiting musicians and clergy, see the Music Guidance and Visiting Clergy sections of this guide.) The fee covers the use of the sanctuary and the lower narthex/dressing room area. Should you require additional rooms, please inquire with the Administrative Assistant, keeping in mind that additional fees may be incurred. Central will provide aisle candles for an additional $20, as well as outside tapers for a unity candle ritual. You are responsible for supplying your own unity candle. Again, a non-refundable deposit of $300 for members or $400 for non-members and a signed “Wedding Planning Covenant” secure the date you have agreed upon with the Administrative Assistant. Checks may be made payable to Central Lutheran Church. The balance of your fee is due sixty days prior to the service. DRIVING DIRECTIONS Central is located in downtown Minneapolis, at the juncture of I-94 and I-35W. During light traffic times, such as Sunday mornings, most people in the Twin Cities area can reach Central in less than 20 minutes. From the West (I-94) Take the 4th Street exit from I-94, and proceed to 3rd Avenue South. (Do NOT turn right onto 3rd Avenue North.) Turn right on 3rd Avenue South, and go eight blocks until 3rd Avenue veers left at the Convention Center. Follow 3rd Avenue, and Central will be on your left. -5- From the East (I-94) Take the 11th Street exit from I-94, and follow 11th Street South until you reach 3rd Avenue South. Turn left onto 3rd Avenue South, and go one block until 3rd Avenue veers left at the Convention Center. Follow 3rd Avenue, and Central will be on your left. From the West (I-394) Take the Downtown Exit (12th Street), and follow 12th Street South to 3rd Avenue South. Turn right onto 3rd Avenue South, which is just beyond the Convention Center. Central will be on your left. From the South (I-35W) Follow Downtown Exit signs to the 11th Street exit, and follow 11th Street to 3rd Avenue South. Turn left on 3rd Avenue South, and go one block until 3rd Avenue veers left at the Convention Center. Follow 3rd Avenue, and Central will be on your left. From the North (I-35W) After crossing the I-35 bridge, follow exit signs for I-94 West. Take I-94 West, stay right, and take the 11th Street exit from I-94. (Do not take the 11th Avenue exit.) Follow 11th Street until you reach 3rd Avenue South. Turn left onto 3rd Avenue South, and go one block until 3rd Avenue veers left at the Convention Center. Follow 3rd Avenue and Central will be on your left. MAP (Central is located on the northeast side of the Convention Center – and is marked here with a star.) (http://www.minneapolis.org/travelinfo/pdf/mplsmapdt.pdf) -6- PARKING Please take care to park in the areas owned by Central Lutheran Church. Central owns the entire surface lot on the south side of the church building, and also owns half of the parking ramp, accessible through the surface lot. The city of Minneapolis owns the half of the ramp which is accessible through the 3rd Avenue entrance. If you park in the 3rd Avenue side of the ramp you will be required to pay for parking. The city of Minneapolis will not accept parking validation from Central Lutheran Church. Parking in Central’s parking areas is included as part of your wedding fee, allowing you and your guests to have free parking for your rehearsal and wedding. When preparing your invitations, please consider adding a line which reads: Parking in Central’s lot is free. Tickets will be validated inside the church. ACCESS FOR THE DISABLED Our sanctuary and ground floor restrooms are accessible to persons in wheelchairs, and assisted listening devices are available during all worship services. However, the dressing rooms usually used for the wedding party have limited access. If you know of any wedding party members or guests with special needs, please notify us as soon as possible. We will work to make sure that everyone is able to participate fully in the service. DRUG & ALCOHOL POLICY The use of alcohol or any illegal drugs anywhere on the church property is prohibited. The Central staff reserves the right to postpone or cancel the service if drug or alcohol use by any guest or member of the wedding party is discovered. Smoking is also prohibited in the church building and on the campus. -7- SECURITY Central employs its own security personnel. There will be a security guard on duty at any time the building is open to the public. If security staff is required to put in additional time beyond what has been allotted, you will incur an additional fee of $30 for each extra hour of security service. Because Central is a downtown campus, we advise that you leave your valuables at home. If you bring anything of value, keep it with you at all times. The wedding party will be able to leave belongings in the dressing room area, which will be locked during the service. The best way to assure that your belongings are not misplaced or stolen, however, is not to bring them. Central Lutheran Church will not be held responsible for lost or stolen items. RECEPTIONS Central’s downtown location offers many nearby venues suitable for your reception. MARRIAGE LICENSE You must apply for a marriage license in person at a county registrar’s office (for a complete listing see: http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/chs/osr/registrars.html). At least one of the contracting parties must be present to apply. If either of the parties is not present, their signature must be notarized on the application. You may pick up the license after a five-day statutory waiting period. Licenses are valid for six months from the issue date. No refunds are issued on unused licenses at any time. Both parties are required to provide their Social Security numbers. -8- If either or both applicant(s) has/have been previously married, information regarding termination of the most recent marriage is required at the time of application. If the most recent previous marriage was terminated by death, the exact date, as well as the state and county in which the death occurred, must be provided. If termination was by divorce or court annulment, the exact date, county, state, and type of court are required. If termination by divorce or legal annulment occurred within 30 days of the date of application, a certified copy of the decree must be presented for viewing. You are required to show one form of valid ID when applying for a marriage license. Acceptable documents include: ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Current drivers license (Minnesota or other state) Clipped Minnesota license with yellow receipt (in the event of a license renewal) Current passport Current Minnesota ID card Current ID issued by INS Military ID Naturalization papers with current photo The name you provide on your application must exactly match the name on your identifying document. The regular fee for a marriage license is currently $100. It is best to be prepared to pay with cash. This fee is reduced to $40 for couples who complete 12 hours of premarital education---full participation by taking the PREPARE Inventory, completing three premarital counseling sessions with the pastor, and your own personal work, will meet this requirement. A licensed or ordained minister, that minister’s designee, or a person authorized to practice marriage and family therapy, must provide the education. To be eligible for the reduced fee, a premarital education statement must be submitted when the couple applies for the license. This statement can be given to you by your Central pastor upon request. If you have questions, please contact the Administrative Assistant. You must give your marriage license to the Administrative Assistant 30 days prior to your wedding day. YOUR PASTOR When your wedding date is reserved, a Central pastor will be assigned to you. Pastors are assigned on an as-available basis. If you want to request a particular Central pastor to preside at your wedding, it will be helpful to contact him/her when you begin -9- looking at dates. As the church calendar and pastors’ schedule allow, we will be happy to honor requests for the participation of a specific Central pastor. VISITING CLERGY Central allows the participation of visiting clergy in marriage services. If you have a pastor from a home church, or an ordained member of your family who you want to involve in the marriage service, please let the Administrative Assistant know as soon as possible. If you would like to have a visiting pastor participate in your marriage service, a Central pastor will still be assigned to you. The participation of a visiting pastor is allowed at the discretion of the Central pastor assigned to the service. In most cases, the visiting pastor and Central’s pastor will participate in leading the worship service together – typically, the visiting pastor is invited to preach, lead the marriage blessing, and lead the prayers. He or she will be required to communicate and collaborate with your Central pastor, who will be involved to ensure that the worship practices of Central are honored, and that the wedding you envision will take place. A visiting pastor may conduct the pre-marital counseling, at the discretion of your Central pastor. If you intend to undergo pre-marital counseling with another pastor or independent agency, the counselor must inform your Central pastor prior to the first session. It is your responsibility to contact your Central pastor to arrange the first pre-marital counseling appointment. That pastor will be responsible for inviting any visiting clergy to participate in the service, and communicating the expectations for marriage services at Central. The participation of guest clergy is, again, at the discretion of your Central pastor. The pastor’s honorarium included in your wedding fee will be paid to your Central pastor. Central does not pay visiting clergy. It is your responsibility to arrange an appropriate honorarium with a visiting pastor independently. PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING A minimum of three pre-marital counseling sessions with your Central pastor is our standard expectation. Your first step in preparing for counseling is to take the PREPARE inventory, which is required for all couples married at Central. PREPARE is a relationship discovery instrument which offers insights into various similarities and differences between you and your partner and your relationship expectations. - 10 - PREPARE is administered at Central at least every other month. Once you have filled out the inventory, it will be processed and returned to your Central pastor. You should take it as soon as possible (and no later than 4 months before your wedding service) to allow for flexibility in scheduling your counseling sessions. Please call the Administrative Assistant (612-767-9203) for information or to sign up for the next PREPARE gathering. The cost of PREPARE is $50 and is not included in your total wedding fee. This amount must be paid to Central at the time PREPARE is administered. Even if you have not yet taken PREPARE, it is best to contact your Central pastor as soon as possible to find out how she/he would prefer to schedule counseling sessions. Each pastor has his/her own preferences. It is your responsibility to contact your Central pastor once she/he has been assigned to you. YOUR WEDDING COORDINATOR About 3 months before your wedding service, you will be assigned to one of Central’s wedding coordinators. She/He will help to guide you through the planning process outlined in this booklet, and will be your primary resource for any questions you might have. He/She will meet with you individually, be available to answer your questions, facilitate your rehearsal, and help keep things running smoothly on your wedding day. Central coordinators work directly with the couples getting married on campus. THE REHEARSAL Rehearsals normally take place the day before the wedding from 5:30-6:30pm, and will be facilitated by your Central wedding coordinator. It is essential that all members of your wedding party be present and on time – including parents, ushers, and greeters. If you are not prepared to begin the rehearsal at 5:30pm, you will be charged for an additional hour of building security service ($30). Normally, the pastor and musician do not attend the rehearsal. It is the opportunity for members of your wedding party to get acquainted with the worship space and become comfortable with their responsibilities for the coming day. - 11 - THE SANCTUARY Central’s sanctuary seats approximately 2,100 people. There are 25 pews on either side of the center aisle, which is 75 feet long. (On the east side, there is one row set aside for access seating.) Often during the year the sanctuary is decorated with seasonal banners and other items used to enhance worship. These items will not be moved or removed (or altered in any way) for wedding services. The Evangelical Lutheran Worship church year follows the life of Christ, beginning with Advent, and moves through the Pentecost season to the conclusion of the church year on Christ the King Sunday. To emphasize the proper spirit of each season of the church year, paraments are placed on the altar and pulpit, and are worn as stoles by the pastors. They are changed at the specified times of the year and will not be changed for wedding services. Please note the following colors of the various seasons of the church year: Advent – blue (No weddings are scheduled at Central during this reflective season.) Christmas – white Epiphany – white Time after Epiphany - green Transfiguration – white Lent – purple (No weddings are scheduled at Central during this contemplative season.) Easter – white Pentecost – red Holy Trinity – white Time after Pentecost – green Reformation – red All Saints – white Christ the King - white CANDLES There are six candles behind the altar on the reredos (the large screen located in front of the organ). These candles are lit for all worship services. There is also a set of twelve aisle candleholders which you may choose to use (for an additional $20). If you plan to include a unity candle ritual, you are responsible for providing the large center candle. Central will provide a unity candle holder and two, long burning, dripless tapers. Central provides the tapers to ensure they burn throughout the duration of the service. - 12 - FLOWERS Chancel flowers may be placed on either side of the altar or at the base of the pulpit. Your flower arrangements should be in self-contained vases, or your florist should provide a stand. Flowers may not be placed on the altar or on unstable stands. Artificial flowers are not permitted. You are welcome to have specific flowers or flower arrangements displayed in honor or memory of loved ones. Please notify your wedding coordinator if you plan to do this, and make sure to note it in your wedding service folder. If you would like any of your flowers to remain in the sanctuary for Sunday services and be noted in the Sunday service folder, please let your wedding coordinator know at least one month prior to the wedding. PHOTOGRAPHY/VIDEOGRAPHY Photographs in the sanctuary are normally scheduled two hours prior to the start of the service, and must be completed 45 minutes prior to the start of the service. If you desire to have some photographs taken after the wedding, you must consult with your Central wedding coordinator. Videographers must meet with Central’s Sound Operator to set up and test equipment no later than 45 minutes before the service. Photos may be taken during the service from the back of the sanctuary or balcony – no flash photography is permitted. A videographer may record the service from the back of the sanctuary or balcony. Your wedding coordinator must be aware of your plans for photography and/or video, and should meet briefly with your photographer and/or videographer on the day of your wedding. Photographers and videographers must sign a document confirming they will follow Central’s guidelines. We discourage members of the assembly from taking photos during the service. If they feel it is important to do so, they may not use a flash. MISCELLANEOUS CONCERNS Central does not permit the throwing of plastic confetti, flower petals (fresh or frozen), rice, or birdseed either inside or outside the church building. Once the wedding party is outside, it is permissible to throw bio-degradable paper confetti or to blow bubbles. Also, Central does not permit live animals (like doves or butterflies) anywhere in the building, or to be released on the premises. Finally, Central does not permit the use of an aisle runner, as it poses a significant safety hazard. The floor of the sanctuary is slightly uneven and the runner often slips on the stone. - 13 - DRESSING ROOMS Dressing rooms are available for your use on the day of your wedding service. They are located in the lower narthex, which is below the sanctuary. This and all other rooms used by the wedding party are to be left in good condition. Any trash should be cleaned up and disposed of properly before the wedding party leaves the building. You may bring snacks and/or non-alcoholic beverages for the wedding party on the wedding day. These items may not be brought the day of the rehearsal and left overnight. (Please note that Central does not supply plates, napkins, cups, or glasses.) Food and drink must stay in the lower narthex. Central will not store any items overnight except for copies of your wedding service folder and candles. It is important to assign a person (who is not in the wedding party) to remove all your belongings from the closets in the dressing rooms and from the lower narthex gathering area immediately following the service. - 14 - THE MARRIAGE LITURGY ORDER OF SERVICE Below is a template of the order of service for Marriage, taken from the Evangelical Lutheran Worship (ELW), p. 286 – 291. Adjustments and choices will be made via conversation with the presiding pastor. Prelude GATHERING Procession/Entrance The assembly stands as the ministers and wedding group enter. Music – hymn, song, psalm, instrumental music – may accompany the entrance. Greeting The presiding minister and the assembly greet each other using these or similar words. P The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. C And also with you. The assembly is seated. Declaration of Intention The minister addresses the couple in these or similar words, asking each person in turn: P name , will you have name to be your wife/husband, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her/him as long as you both shall live? Response: I will. The minister may address the assembly in these or similar words. P Will all of you, by God’s grace, uphold and care for in their life together? If so, answer: We will. - 15 - name and name Prayer of the Day The presiding minister leads the following or another prayer of the day. P Let us pray. Gracious God, you sent your Son Jesus Christ into the world to reveal your love to all people. Enrich name and name with every good gift, that their life together may show forth your love; and grant that at the last we may all celebrate with Christ the marriage feast that has no end; in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. WORD Readings (See the Scripture section of this guide for options.) The assembly is seated. Two or three scripture readings are proclaimed. If the service includes holy communion, the last is a reading from the gospels. Sermon Hymn of the Day (See the Hymns section of this guide for options.) A hymn of the day may be sung. MARRIAGE Vows (See the Vows section of this guide for other options) The couple may join hands. Each promises faithfulness to the other in these or similar words. I take you, _______name , to be my wife/husband from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us. OR In the presence of God and this community, I, name , take you, name , to be my wife/husband; To have and to hold from this day forward, In joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, To love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow. - 16 - Giving of Rings (See the Ring Texts section of this guide for other options) The couple may exchange rings with these or similar words. Name , I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness. OR Name , I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow. With all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Acclamation The presiding minister addresses the assembly. P ________name and name__ , by their promises before God and in the presence of this assembly, have joined themselves to one another as husband and wife. Those whom God has joined together let no one separate. Other symbols of marriage may be given or used at this time (i.e. unity candle lighting or floral presentation to parents). Special music may be offered here. Marriage Blessing The couple may kneel. The presiding minister extends a hand over the couple while praying for God’s blessing in the following or similar words. P Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to endure the cross for our sake, that we may have abundance of life. By the power of your Holy Spirit, pour out the abundance of your blessing on name and ___ name ___. Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace. Let your love be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle above their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. Bless them so that their lives together may bear witness to your love. Bless them in their works and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their death. Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that table where your saints feast forever in your heavenly home, through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. C Amen. - 17 - Prayers of Intercession (Optional) A service without communion continues as follows: Lord’s Prayer OR (1975) C Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Save us from the time of trial and deliver us from evil. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever. Amen (1789) C Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, Forever and ever. Amen. OR If the service includes communion, the pastor will offer the Great Thanksgiving, followed by the assembly praying the Lord’s Prayer together. Communion distribution occurs. After all have communed the dismissal blessing is pronounced. - 18 - SENDING Benediction The presiding minister proclaims God’s blessing in these or similar words. OR P The blessed and holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love, defend you on every side, and guide you in truth and peace, now and forever. P God Almighty send you light and truth to keep you all the days of your life. The hand of God protect you; the holy angels accompany you; and the blessing of almighty God, the Father, the + Son, and the Holy Spirit, be with you now and forever. C Amen. C Amen. The couple may seal their vows with a kiss. Introduction of the Couple using their Married Names A hymn may be sung or instrumental music played as the wedding group and the ministers depart. Recessional Postlude _________________________________________________________________ Reprinted from Evangelical Lutheran Worship, copyright 2006. Used by permission. - 19 - SCRIPTURE Below are suggested scripture readings: Old Testament Genesis 1.26-31 Genesis 2.18-24 Proverbs 3.3-6 Ecclesiastes 4.9-12 Song of Solomon 2.10-13 Song of Solomon 8.6-7 Isaiah 63.7-9 Jeremiah 31.31-34 Psalms Psalm 33 Psalm 67 Psalm 100 Psalm 117 Psalm 121 Psalm 127 Psalm 128 Psalm 136 Psalm 150 New Testament Letters Romans 12.1-2, 9-18 I Corinthians 12.31 - 13.13 Ephesians 3.14-19 Ephesians 5.21-33 Philippians 4.4-9 Colossians 3.12-17 1 John 3.18-23 1 John 4.7-12 Humankind is created by God Created for relationship Loyalty and faithfulness written on the heart The value of two together The voice of the beloved; Song of two lovers Many waters cannot quench love God’s steadfast love lifts up the people The new covenant of the people of God The Lord is our help and our shield (33.20) Let your lovingkindness be upon us, as we have put our trust in you (33:22) May God be merciful to us and bless us We are God’s people and the sheep of God’s pasture (100.2) Enter the gates of the LORD with thanksgiving (100.3) The steadfast love of the Lord The Lord keeps watch over you Unless the Lord builds the house Children are a heritage from the LORD (127.4) Happy are they who follow in the ways of the LORD (128.1) God’s mercy endures forever (136.1b) Let everything that has breath praise the LORD (150.6) A living sacrifice and genuine love The greatest gift is love The breadth, length, height and depth of Christ’s love Walk in love, as Christ loved us Rejoice in the Lord always Clothed in compassion, kindness, meekness and patience Let us love in truth and action Let us love one another for love is of God - 20 - New Testament Gospels Matthew 5.14-16 Matthew 7.21, 24-29 Matthew 19.4-6 Matthew 22.35-40 Mark 10.6-9 John 2.1-10 John 15.9-12 You are the light, let your light shine A wise person builds upon the rock What God has united must not be divided Love, the greatest commandment They are no longer two but one The wedding at Cana Love one another as I have loved you VOWS Below are optional vows: (1) I take you, _____, to be my wife/husband from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us. (2) I take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, I promise before God and these witnesses to be your faithful wife/husband, to share with you in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen you, and to join with you so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live. (3) ____, I take you to be my wife/husband from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond, and in all circumstances of our life together to be loyal to you with my whole life and with all my being until death parts us. - 21 - (4) I, _____, give you my hand this day. I open my mouth to declare before God, our ancestors, and this congregation, that I take you, _____, to be my wife/husband. I love you. In bitter days and in days of sweetness, in darkness and in light, in life and until death, I will walk in step with you. Your concerns will be my concerns. Your joys will be my joys. We will share our struggles, and we will share our triumphs. I will be with you all the days of my life. This is my vow. I have spoken. (5) I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. (6) I, _____, take you, _____, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. (7) I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband; and I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife/husband; in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in heath; as long as we both shall live. (8) Before God and these witnesses, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, and I promise to love you, and to be faithful to you, as long as we both shall live (9) In the presence of God and this community, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow. (10) In the Name of God, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. - 22 - (11) Or most traditionally, the source of most all English language vows: I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I (plight) (give) thee my troth. (12) I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband. I promise to love you, comfort you, honor and keep you, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, to be faithful to you as long as we both shall live. (13) I, _____, with love and joy and an honest and open spirit, make with you, _____, this covenant of marriage before God and this community of friends and family. I promise to love and trust you, as we share hopes and failures, and to support and encourage you so that we might grow individually and as a couple. I promise also to nurture you with faith and tenderness in the name of Christ. I shall always try to speak the truth to you and to listen with utmost concern for your desires and needs. I promise to be faithful to you and this pledge throughout our lives. (14) I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband; to be faithful to you in tender love and honor, offering you encouragement and companionship; and I will live with you, and cherish you, as love and respect lead me, in the bond of marriage. (15) I take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, and these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will [obey,] respect, trust, help and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves, the world, and God; through the best and worst of what is to come until death parts us. (16) I take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, I promise before God and these witnesses to be your faithful wife/husband, to share with you in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen you, and to join with you so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live. (17) _____, I take you to be my wife/husband from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond, and in all circumstances of our life together to be loyal to you with my whole life and with all my being until death parts us. - 23 - (18) _____, I promise to share with you the sweet things of life as well as the bitter, to love you and enjoy you, to respect and encourage you, to listen to you and promise to strive for a life of courage, faithfulness, and dignity, and to seek understanding among all people, for as long as we both shall live. In all this, I ask God to help and guide us. (19) _____, I want to live with you just as you are. I will be honest with you and forgive you… I love you for what you are to me and for what you are to others… I choose you above all others, and promise to be faithful to you as long as life endures. (20) I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband from this day forward; to be with you forever in times of joy and suffering, wealth and poverty; I pledge you my honor, patience and faithfulness, and by the grace of God offer you my unending love. (21) I take you, _____, to be my wife/husband. I promise before God and before this community to be faithful to you and to share all that is to come. In times of happiness I will share your joy and laughter. In times of sorrow, I will share your tears and pain. I will forgive as I have been forgiven. I will love as I have been loved. I will join with you so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live. (22) I, _____, take you, _____, to be my spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law; this is my solemn vow. (23) I, _____, having full confidence that our abiding faith in each other will last our lifetimes, take you, _____, to be my wedded wife/husband; I promise to be your loving and faithful wife/husband; in prosperity and in need, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, and to respect your privileges as an individual as long as we both shall live. (24) I, _____, give myself to you, _____. By the grace of God, I promise to support and care for you. In the love of Christ, I promise to love and cherish you. With the Spirit’s help, I promise to be faithful to you, as long as we both shall live. - 24 - (25) I take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, and these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will share my life with you, through the best and worst of all that is to come, until death parts us. General counsel about composing original vows or modifying vows: • The primary promise in Christian marriage is faithfulness to one another. • Keep your vows simple as possible. You’ll be living with them the rest of your life! • Don’t promise anything that is impossible. Avoid words like forever, never, only, always. RING TEXTS Below are suggested ring texts: (1) I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness. (2) _____, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. (3) I give/take this ring as a sign of our covenant. (4) This ring I give you, as a sign of our constant faith and abiding love. (5) ____, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you. (6) _____, I give you this ring, as a sign of the covenant we have made today. (7) As this ring has no end, my love for you has no end. - 25 - (8) I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honor you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. (9) _____, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow. With all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. MUSIC GUIDANCE Here is some helpful information to make planning music for your wedding a straightforward and uncomplicated task: (1) It is our practice that Central Lutheran Church musicians play for all weddings held at Central. In rare circumstances musicians other than those employed by Central may play for weddings. Such requests must be cleared with our cantor (director of music) or associate cantor (associate musician). (2) In most cases Central’s associate cantor plays for weddings. Should she be unavailable for your wedding date, another of Central’s musicians will be assigned to play. (3) The wedding couple should contact the assigned musician at least two months before the wedding date to schedule a consultation regarding all the wedding music. Consultations, included in the musician portion of the church fee, usually take between 30 and 45 minutes. It is necessary for the couple to be in contact with the Central musician assigned to their service if any type of music is to be included. - 26 - (4) In cases when organ or piano music will not be used (not requiring a Central musician), the Central musician assigned to the service will be onsite to coordinate guest ensembles. (5) If you are making use of a vocal soloist, instrumentalist, or instrumental ensemble, it is up to these people to contact the assigned Central musician directly to arrange rehearsal times. Please note that the musician’s portion of the church fee covers a brief rehearsal the day of the wedding. Additional rehearsals may incur additional fees. (6) The couple is responsible for delivering printed music for vocal or instrumental soloists to the Central musician assigned to their service in a timely fashion (generally not less than two weeks before the wedding date). (7) Regarding selection of music, especially vocal solos or choral pieces with text: Since the wedding service is a service of worship, selections must be appropriate for use at any church service (i.e. sacred in nature). Save secular selections for use at the reception. It is the responsibility of Central’s cantor to make final decisions regarding vocal music with text. Solos to be included in any wedding service must be submitted to the Central musician assigned to the service no later than six weeks prior to the date of the wedding—preferably at the time of the consultation. (8) Recordings are sometimes helpful to share during the consultation. On occasion the musician is presented with requests for playing movements of symphonies, operas, etc. The nature of the piece plays an important role, as does the availability of a good organ or piano transcription. Again, it is important to check with the Central musician assigned to your service as soon as possible if you think your selection may involve something like this. (9) Most often, works written specifically for the organ (or piano) are preferred— they simply sound the best—not forced. Tried and trusted transcriptions are also good choices—the consultation is a time when possibilities can be explored. (10) No recorded music is permitted in the sanctuary during, before, or after the wedding service. This includes soloist accompaniments on CD. (11) The singing of hymns can be a welcomed addition to the wedding service— providing those in attendance are likely to sing. Nothing can be as joyous as a singing congregation or, on the flip side, as tedious as a group of people - 27 - enduring the musician playing four stanzas of a hymn while no one is singing. Hymns that focus on marriage and community in Christ are especially poignant. (See the Hymns section below.) (12) Please note that soloist and instrumentalist (other than the assigned Central musician) fees are not included in the Central fee schedule. Soloist and instrumentalist fees can range anywhere from around $150 to $700. It is the responsibility of the couple to contact soloists and instrumentalists. Central’s musicians are happy to provide recommendations. (It is strongly recommended that couples consult with the Central musician assigned to their service prior to signing a contract with any outside musical group, if such a group is desired.) HYMNS The marriage rite is a liturgy of the Church, celebrated by the local congregation who offer their witness and support to the couple and who, with them, seek God's blessings on this marriage. As such, only that which is appropriate for the worship of God is included in the wedding service. Music is chosen on the basis of Christian themes of faithfulness, self-giving love, and the seasonal context. – Worship Wordbook Below are some suggested hymns: Abide with Us, Our Savior ..................539 All People that on Earth Do Dwell (paraphrased Psalm 100) .......................883 Beautiful Savior .....................................838 Come, My Way, My Truth, My Life ...816 For the Beauty of the Earth ..................879 For the Fruit of All Creation (paraphrased Psalm 136) .......................679 Give to Our God Immortal Praise! (paraphrased Psalm 136) .......................848 - 28 - Hear Us Now, Our God and Father ...585 In Thee Is Gladness ...............................867 Jesus, Come! For We Invite You (paraphrased John 2).............................312 Joy to the World (paraphrased Psalm 100) .......................267 Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee ............836 Let All Things Now Living (paraphrased Psalm 150.6) ....................881 Let Us Ever Walk with Jesus ...............802 Lord, Take My Hand and Lead Me (paraphrased Psalm 136.12) ...................767 Love Divine, All Loves Excelling........631 Now Thank We All Our God ......839, 840 O God, Our Help in Ages Past (Psalm 33) ............................................632 Oh, That I Had a Thousand Voices (paraphrased Psalm 150.6) ....................833 Open Now Thy Gates of Beauty (paraphrased Psalm 100) .......................533 Our Father, By Whose Name ..............640 Praise, God, from Whom All Blessings (paraphrased Psalm 150.1) ............884, 885 Praise the Lord! O Heavens .................823 Praise to the Lord, the Almighty (paraphrased Psalm 100/150) .........858, 859 Sing Praise to God, the Highest Good ............................871 Songs of Thankfulness and Praise (paraphrased John 2).............................310 Soul, Adorn Yourself with Gladness ...................................488, 489 Ubi Caritas et Amor (paraphrased I Corinthians 13; John 15) ......................642 What Feast of Love ...............................487 Hymn numbers are from Evangelical Lutheran Worship. YOUR WEDDING SERVICE FOLDER If you plan to provide an order-of-service for your guests, you will need to arrange for your own typing and printing. Using the resources in this booklet and the advice of the Central pastor and musicians, you should be able to provide a helpful source of information to those attending the service. The way you design your service folder, from the format to the colors, from the fonts to text itself, makes a great deal of difference in the worship experience of your guests. A few beginning pointers: ♦ When you choose a format, consider whether the folder is easy to open and easy to hold open. Certain ribbons, seals, and stapling can make the folder challenging to use. ♦ When you look at fonts, font sizes and paper color, think about the oldest guests who may attend and consider whether the text is easy enough to read – especially for them. ♦ When you choose how much text to include in the order of service, consider how familiar your guests are with the liturgy being used. It is strongly - 29 - recommended that congregational responses be included (including the Lord’s Prayer) and if desired, these responses can be provided by the Administrative Assistant. ♦ When you look at your layout and what additional content to include, think about what is appropriate for a worship service folder. Extensive biographies or personal stories from bridal party members are best saved for the reception. Brief notes from the bride and groom are appropriate, such as thanking the guests for being a part of this special celebration or acknowledging those loved ones whose memories are in your hearts at this special time. ♦ Including photographs is discouraged. ♦ You may include your new mailing address or directions to your reception. However, it is preferable that you communicate this to your guests in a different manner, such as in a service folder insert or on the back of the folder, rather than in the folder itself. Please ask your Central pastor or the Administrative Assistant to discuss these choices with you and show you examples of previous folders so you might be successful in communicating with the worshiping assembly. You must provide a draft of your service folder to your Central assigned pastor at least two weeks before the service and before the full printing, who must approve your service folder before it is printed. - 30 - FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS Q. When can we have access to the church for the rehearsal and the wedding? A. Please refer to your confirmation letter for when you have access to the church for your rehearsal and your wedding. Rehearsals are held from 5:30-6:30pm on the evening before the wedding, unless it is a holiday or some other exception has already been discussed. On the day of the service, the party generally has access to the building 3 hours before the service begins, and for 1 hour after the planned service start time. Q. Do weddings and rehearsals usually begin at the scheduled time? A. Yes. We work very hard to respect your time and your guests’ time, and we expect that you will too. If significant delays require extra time from our custodial or security staff, you may be charged an additional fee. (You will not be charged for any delays that are the responsibility of Central’s staff.) Q. How long is the wedding service itself? A. The wedding service will last approximately 30 minutes. Q. How much time do we have after the service is over? A. We expect the church will be vacant within one hour after your service begins. If your wedding begins at 3 p.m. and is over at about 3:30 p.m., the church is usually empty of your guests by 4:00 p.m. Keep this in mind as you decide how to receive your guests. Your wedding coordinator will help you with these decisions. Q. What items can be left at the church on the rehearsal night? A. The unity candle and programs may be left overnight at the church after the rehearsal. Central Lutheran Church is not responsible any clothing, jewelry, electronic equipment, or other valuables left overnight, as well as lost or stolen items left at the church. Please note that food may not be left overnight. Q. What about my marriage license and certificates? A. You may obtain your license and certificate from the county courthouse. You must bring or mail the license and marriage certificates to the Administrative Assistant at least 30 days prior to your wedding day. (For more information see the Marriage License section.) Q. Is there a waiting period for the marriage license? A. There is a 5-day waiting period in Minnesota. Also note that your marriage license is valid for six months after the date of issue. Please consider applying early. - 31 - Q. Does Minnesota require a blood test? A. No. Q. Do we need witnesses to our wedding? A. Yes. The certificate of marriage must contain the signature of the officiant and two witnesses who must be at least 16 years of age, usually the best man and maid of honor. The couple is also required to sign the marriage license. Q. How do I apply for a name change after the wedding? A. When you apply for your name change on your driver’s license, certificate of title, or identification card, you will be required to present a certified copy of your marriage record. Do not file the application to change your name until after the marriage has taken place. To change your name you will also need your original Social Security card. Q. Can our children be included in the service? A. Yes, we welcome them. Q. Are there rules about wedding party size? A. Your wedding coordinator can offer suggestions regarding the size of your wedding party and how they will be staged in the front of the sanctuary. Generally, having more than 8 total bridesmaids/groomsmen (in other words, no more than four of each) is unwise. The placement of so many people is cluttered, and limits visibility of the couple for members of the assembly. If you have more than eight people whom you want to participate in your wedding, consider allowing them to be ushers or greeters. You should have one usher to every 30 guests if you plan to have guests escorted to their seats. Having greeters stationed throughout the church will make your guests feel welcomed and help them find the sanctuary and rest rooms more efficiently. Q. Is the Lutheran marriage service different from the common conception of marriage services? A. The Lutheran marriage service differs from some stereotypes you may want to consider: 1) It is not part of the Lutheran liturgy (as you may note in the Order of Service section of this guide) for the pastor to ask, “Who presents this woman to be married?” (or any variation on that theme). We believe that it is no longer appropriate to imply that the bride is someone’s property and does not present herself to be married, of her own free will. So, the question is not asked. - 32 - 2) There is also no time in the service when the pastor asks whether anyone objects to the marriage and tells them to “speak now or forever hold their peace.” This is another antiquated service element. 3) Another difference between weddings at Central and those in the movies is that we do not use Wagner’s Bridal March (a.k.a. “Here Comes the Bride”). It is sometimes considered inappropriate for a marriage service because of its secular origins (Wagner’s opera “Lohengrin”), but it has also become so cliché that it is not taken seriously. Most importantly, it was written for orchestra, not organ, and organ arrangements are not very satisfying to musicians or audiences. There are many more suitable selections, intended for the organ (or any other instrumentation you use), and the assigned Central musician will be happy to make suggestions. Q. Should we have Holy Communion at our wedding? A. This is a decision you will want to discuss with your assigned Central pastor. Communion is a wonderful way to celebrate unity, but it can be challenging at a marriage service where those in attendance may not share one religious background. In these circumstances, it may highlight more tension than unity. If you have communion, the whole assembly is invited to commune. It is not appropriate to have communion only for the bride and groom. If you do have communion, you will be asked to provide two to four volunteers to help the pastor administer communion, often including the bride and groom. Communion is administered by intinction. Q. Should we have a unity candle? A. You may choose to have a unity candle lighting in your service, but you must provide the center unity candle itself. If you wish to know more about the history and symbolism of the unity candle, feel free to ask your wedding coordinator or pastor as you decide whether you wish to include this ritual (or any other ritual) expressing this new union in your marriage service. Q. What is the best way to list the members of the wedding party in the service folder? May I include a brief biography of each member? A. At the end of the order of service it is appropriate to list all the worship participants (including ushers, pastors, musicians, wedding party, and others). You may want to include a one-line description of each person (i.e. “friend of the groom” or “sister of the bride”). The sharing of biographical information and personal stories is a good thing to save for the reception. It is not a part of the service that needs to be printed for your guests in the service folder. - 33 - Q. Can we involve our pets in the wedding? A. Neither pets nor other live animals of any kind are permitted at Central Lutheran Church, except for trained service animals. - 34 - THINKING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING SERVICE (adapted from “Marriage: A Worship Handbook” by Karen G. Bockelman) Before your last session with your pastor, when you will discuss the details of the worship service, think about what your marriage means to you. How will the things most important to you be reflected in the service? Use the questions below to make some notes to prepare you to plan with your pastor. How do you understand the wedding as a service of worship? How do you understand the assembly to be involved in supporting your wedding and marriage? What do you want the music to express (though instruments, voice, congregational singing)? What hymns or other music selections might you choose? (For suggestions and guidance, see the Music Guidance and Hymns sections of this guide.) What Bible readings most clearly express for you God’s love, God’s intentions for marriage and God’s blessings upon those gathered? (For suggestions and guidance, see the Scripture section of this guide.) What promises are at the heart of the marriage vow? What words say that best for you? (For suggestions and guidance, see the Vows and Ring Texts sections of this guide.) - 35 - PASTORAL & WEDDING STAFF ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT OFFICE OF THE SENIOR PASTOR Erica Doss [email protected] 612-767-9203 PASTORAL STAFF Richard Nelson, senior pastor D. Foy Christopherson, associate pastor Kristen Jacobson, associate pastor WEDDING COORDINATORS Karen Snyder Eunice Dietrich MUSIC STAFF Mark Sedio, cantor Jane Lien, associate cantor This document can also be accessed and downloaded from Central’s website: www.centralmpls.org/worship/lifepassages.php CENTRAL LUTHERAN CHURCH in the heart of the city, welcomes all people to celebrate, discover and share the love of Christ 333 South Twelfth Street • Minneapolis, MN 55404 Office – 612-870-4416 • www.centralmpls.org 8/28/2011 - 36 -
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