Tinsel for Christmas, by Tara Meddaugh
Dark Comedy
To request permission of use, email [email protected].
TINSEL FOR CHRISTMAS
By Tara Meddaugh
© 2004
After delivering a Christmas tree to his ex-girlfriend, Stan ends up bleeding in the
hospital, and no one seems to notice him.
____________________
STAN
I think I’m next actually. I was here—well, I’ll just wait then. It’s just my arm is kinda
bleeding right now and I was here before that woman with the twitch. But I’ll just wait
over here. Maybe you can’t see me very well. Maybe I’ll just wave my arms around like
this. Is that better? Now you can see me real clear, right?
Well…I think I should stop waving my arms around. It’s just my arm is dripping on
things, well, the blood anyway is dripping. ‘Cause it’s Christmas, y’know, and my
girlfriend wanted a real tree. But I have allergies. I sniffle a lot. I think it annoys people.
Well, I can’t help sniffling, y’know. I wish I would stop.
But I know my girlfriend’s been real disappointed not having a pine tree for the past few
Christmases—so I thought this year would be different. But I never used a chainsaw
before. Lot harder to handle than it looks. And since my girlfriend decided to take a
break from me this summer—I lived with her…in a house. You don’t mind I’m dripping
on the floor? I’ll take my sock off. Here. I’ll wrap it around my arm. That’s smart
thinking, right? I don’t mean to mess up your nice floors. They’re so yellow. That’s
nice.
But now that my girlfriend thinks I don’t have any motivation ‘cause I lost my job ‘cause
I couldn’t keep up with my figures, well, now we don’t live with each other. So I thought
it’d be a good time to get her a real nice tree for Christmas since I won’t be around to
sniffle at it. ‘Cause they said it’s not in anyone’s best interest for me to spend time with
my girlfriend since she didn’t like my calling on all my breaks at work to make sure she
was okay and tell her I loved her. It’s a dangerous world out there. I used to get a break
every two hours. I’ve never been on salary yet.
Oops, the blood’s soaking through my sock. Well, I have another one, I guess. But then,
it’s not so comfortable wearing shoes without socks. My girlfriend used to say my feet
smelled like sour milk. I guess they do a little bit. So I’m not supposed to see her really,
but giving her a Christmas tree I cut down by myself isn’t so bad, right? Oh, I really think
I should see a doctor soon. I’m kinda cold, y’know?
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Tinsel for Christmas, by Tara Meddaugh
Well, I may not be seeing my girlfriend or anyone really on Christmas day, but at least I
got her that tree. Left it on their porch. And that’s why I have to see a doctor. Because
she has good aim with that gun.
(holds up arm)
As you can see.
I hope she decorates it with lots of tinsel.
To request permission of use, email [email protected].
To learn more about Tara’s plays, visit www.tarameddaugh.com.
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Tinsel for Christmas, by Tara Meddaugh
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