Loving
Outreach
to Survivors
of Suicide
Offering Hope and Healing
C E LEBR ATING 35 YEAR S OF THE LOSS PR OG RA M
35 years
WHY “OBELISK”? : A History
MARCH 2014
VOL. 35, NO. 3
In the beginning was the letter …
This Issue
ARTICLES
COVER STORY
Why “Obelisk”?: A History
FROM THE DESK OF
Debbie Major
3
Grief and Family
Development
5
MONTHLY
Monthly Meetings
8
Announcements9
Quilt Display Schedule 9
Mention My Name
10
Memorial Donations11
The LOSS Program
Loving Outreach
to Survivors of Suicide
721 North LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois 60654
(312) 655-7283 or 7285
www.catholiccharities.net/loss
By Therese Gump
A
s time went on, the envelope began to feel thicker as enclosures of articles
were included in the mailing, but, as always, prayers and thoughts came
from Father Rubey. The meetings were listed on a separate sheet as new
sites were added. And good news came too, as LOSS became a family. Births,
engagements, marriages, and accomplishments were listed so that through
our sad times, we became aware that life held good times also.
1990–1998 THE ‘BLUE’ YEARS
n When I became a staff member of LOSS
in 1989 part of my job was to edit and
produce the newsletter. I would write the
articles by hand and Kathleen Dillon would
type them on an IBM Selectrix typewriter.
And the changes began… In 1990, we
changed colors from white to a pale blue
paper. After a few months of a one or two
page document, and a lot of guidance from
Doyce Harris, I found ways of making
columns and even adding pictures! Though
they (the photos) weren’t exactly top-notch
quality, I was learning. Because of my own
need to see Joey’s name in print, I created
the “Mention My Name page” in 1990. That
Christmas we had 18 ‘MMN’ messages on
one page. The newsletter was growing but
as of yet, it didn’t have an official name.
We were into a heart logo then. I believe
LOSS member, Fran Prabush created it and
it appeared on the cover/dedication page. As
we began to increase the number of pages,
from 2 to 4 and more and more, I thought
that our LOSS newsletter deserved to have
a name. So I presented the idea to the
membership and received a few thoughtful
suggestions. We wanted a unique name,
not an echo or copy of other groups. We
ruled out “The Spire,” “The Bridge,”
“The Guardian,” “Outreach,” “Tides,”
and many with ‘survivors’ in the title.
Then, a funny thing happened. An idea?
lightbulb moment? Whatever it was, I don’t
remember, but I saw a picture of an obelisk
and ran it by Father Rubey who liked the
idea coupled with the definition of ‘Obelisk’,
which is included in each issue now.
However, I needed more than a picture
which wouldn’t reproduce well as this was
pre-digital camera era. So I called upon an
artist friend, Jerry Blackburn, who rendered
a simple pen and ink sketch of an Egyptian
obelisk on white paper, with the name in
special lettering and the OBELISK was born.
The first edition of the OBELISK featured
this drawing and name in July, 1990. Our
‘cut and paste’ method was once more put
into use. I will be forever thankful to the
inventor of the copy machine. I reproduced
the OBELISK in many sizes and used it not
only on the cover but also within the body of
the letter. Also my “Clip Art” book was my
Continued on p.4
elebrating 35 Years
C
In March, we celebrate 35 years of the LOSS program.
Please send us your writings related to this unique anniversary.
OBELISK
LOSS STAFF
Rev. Charles T. Rubey,
Founder & Director
Deborah R. Major,
Department Director
Cynthia Waderlow,
Child Therapist
Thank You
for supporting this
issue of the Obelisk
Jessica Mead,
Program Coordinator
COUNSELING TEAM:
Rev. Charles T. Rubey, Bruce Engle,
Deborah Major, Ellen Gorney,
Laraine Bodnar, Therese Gump,
Elizabeth Teich, Sharon Bibro,
Mary Novak, Kathie Cunningham,
Cynthia Waderlow, Pat Green
Michele Nowak, Jessica Mead, Helen
Banta, Victor Alvarez,
Asela Paredes
& Rev. Richard Jakubik
CONTRIBUTORS
Therese Gump
Debbie Major
Cynthia Waderlow
PUBLISHING FUND
In Memory of
Kathleen Dillon
Kyle H. Whiteley
POSTAGE FUND
In Memory of
Conor Murphy
Editor: Jessica Mead, LCSW, CADC
MONTHLY
REMEMBRANCE
Dinners for
Grieving Families
MARCH MEETING:
Monday
March 3, 2014
6:30 p.m. – 8 p.m.
Catholic Charities
Southwest Office
7000 W. 111th St. Worth
Please RSVP
(312) 655-7284
2 OBELISK | March 2014
LOSS
Program for Children & Youth
Each 1st Monday of the month, the LOSS Program will be hosting a dinner
for families who have suffered the loss of a loved one to suicide.
The dinners will alternate between our Worth and Des Plaines offices.
The dinners will be for caregivers and their children ages 3-18.
Families will meet together for dinner, and then children and teens will
have the opportunity to separate with their age groups to talk about
adjustments to their loss.
For more information or to RSVP please call the LOSS office
(312) 655-7284
APRIL MEETING: Monday, April 7, 6:30 p.m. – 8 p.m.
Catholic Charities North/Northwest Office, 1717 Rand Rd. Des Plaines, Illinois
FROM THE DESK OF
Debbie Major
Suicide’s unexpected and violent
intrusion into our life space throws
everything up in the air, the way we
imagine an unexpected explosion might
propel objects out and away from its
central force. Cherished beliefs about
oneself, the future, and how the world
is supposed to operate are suddenly
called into question. Nothing is as we
thought. Everything feels unstable,
chaotic, random, and unjust; at least in
the beginning of the grief journey. This
is where many survivors find themselves
when we first meet them in our support
groups. We suggest that LOSS members
come back to the groups for as long as it
feels helpful, regardless of how long that
is, because in these groups you will find
yourself among a nurturing network of
other survivors, at varying distances from
their loss. It is not unusual to meet in
the same monthly group new survivors
whose loss was barely three months
ago, together with those whose loss
occurred one, two, four, seven years ago
and beyond. We have heard from new
survivors that it can be frightening to
enter the room and find group members
whose loss was many years ago. We think
this fear comes from assuming that the
survivor whose loss occurred ten years
ago feels the same way as the person
whose loss occurred three months ago.
This is rarely, if ever, the case. People
return year after year because they have
something to contribute to others and
also because there is something present
in the circle that they came to receive.
Survivors of suicide are faced with a
daunting task: the virtual reconstruction
of their life space: revising or endorsing
new assumptions, constructing new
beliefs, finding new paths. When our
core beliefs are called into question by
devastating tragedy, when assumptions
we relied on are torn to shreds, we have a
choice about how we respond. We might
view this as an opportunity to engage
the very questions that so painfully arise.
More than one LOSS member recently
said, “I don’t think I can go on like this.
What’s the point?” Many survivors arrive
at the “What’s the point?” question
somewhere along the journey. While
often raised in a casual way, it points
to deep existential questions about the
meaning of life itself. Terrible tragedy
invites us to question deeply, “Given
what has happened, what is the meaning
of life?” And importantly, “What is
the meaning of my life?” For some
survivors these are matters of faith,
and the answers come to them through
religious beliefs and practices that
guide them along their grief journey.
There is a growing body of research that
documents the helpfulness of having
such an underpinning of deep faith.
But this is certainly not for everyone,
and as a nondenominational program,
we do not presume to prescribe it. In
any one group you might find yourself
sitting next to someone who is deeply
religious, or someone who espouses
When our core beliefs are
called into question by
devastating tragedy, when
assumptions we relied
on are torn to shreds, we
have a choice about how
we respond.
no religious beliefs, and everything
in between. We see this as part of the
beauty of LOSS. The shared experience
is not the espousal of a particular set of
religious (or other) tenants, but rather
the determination to help all comers
emerge from the most painful tragedy
of their lives. In a recent meeting
where one member openly asked of her
fellow survivors, “what’s the point?”
several people around the circle moved
to respond. The responses were all
different, and while I can’t say that the
content of any one person’s response
was what the questioner was hoping
for, the point from my space in the
circle was that so many people wanted
to respond that we literally ran out of
time trying to get those responses aired.
Some responses came from members
who had lost a loved one recently, others
from members who had lost their loved
one more than a decade ago. I can still
envision the faces and feel the energy
and investment in the voices of the
speakers. They offered answers that
had deep personal meaning to them in
response to a very big question. There
is a collective wisdom that comes to
the forefront in the group experience.
Sometimes the wisdom is about the
content of participants’ viewpoints, but
more often it seems to be about the
process that takes place between people.
Having experienced in a visceral way
the disruption of the world as it was
understood before the suicide, survivors
seem to know that they may not impose
an authoritative view of any Truth about
death, about grief, or about the future.
Rather, in groups, members “feel their
way along” together, as a community of
grievers whose shared aim is to tolerantly
and respectfully offer up the possibility
of a new future where survivors receive
and offer up hope to one another. In
such a setting no one person’s comments
are superior to any other’s. Rather, it
is through the process of respectfully
sharing the space, of listening to and
talking with each other, that new realities
gradually begin to emerge. There is
really no way to predict what life can
emerge from the beginnings of despair
(no way to predict how any one person
will answer the question, “What’s the
point?”). Many, but not all of you know
of the new prevention programs that
have emerged, the survivor websites and
blogs, the new relationships that began
around these tables. This is new life that
no one person hands to any other, but
rather new life meanings that are created
together, side by side, in the moment. It
reminds me of a greeting card I recently
received from a LOSS member. On the
front was a drawing of Winnie the Pooh
walking hand in hand with Piglet, and
Piglet whispers, “Pooh!” to which Pooh
replies, “Yes, Piglet?” “Oh, nothing, I was
just making sure you were there.” For
35 years we have been here to listen, and
more importantly, to connect you to each
other. LOSS would not have survived
35 years without your willingness to
risk choosing us as the place where you
could come to grapple with life’s deepest
questions, to find new meaning, and as
a place where you would turn to extend
your hand to survivors coming behind
you. I wish I could state with confidence
that the need for LOSS would disappear
within the next 35 years, but suicide
statistics as they currently stand belie
this wish. We can only survive for those
coming behind you with your continued
interest and participation in LOSS. Are
you there?
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 3
WHY “OBELISK”? : A History
steady resource as I cut and pasted and
Xeroxed my way through many editions
of the OBELISK. Those of you who did
church bulletins, etc. know what I mean.
1992 THE COMPUTER ERA
n At this time computers starting
appearing on the secretaries’ desks at
Catholic Charities. I was thrilled! Even
though I didn’t have my own computer
because of the expense, I had access
to Kathleen Dillon’s two days a week, I
became acquainted with the magical and
maddening (at times) world of computer
language. Whenever I was stuck, (which
was often) Doyce Harris was there to
From p.1
bail me out. I could then cut and paste
words right on the computer and edit to
my heart’s content. Thank God for the
‘delete’ key.
We continued the blue paper and
about 1995, our OBELISK had a
make-over. A graphic artist designed a
computer-driven image of our symbol.
Another transition and sign of growth.
That continued until 1998 when the
present format was adopted. Presently,
the newsletter is compiled by editor,
Jessica Mead and sent it to the Catholic
Charities Communication Department
where they format and send it to the
Mission Press for publication.
Over these years, the newsletter has
gone through many changes - just as
we have in our journey of surviving.
It has been my privilege to have been
a part of that growth and change. Our
membership has been very supportive
in helping with the financial piece of
producing a monthly publication. When
we first asked for help with the postage,
I think we had about 1000 people on the
LOSS list. Today, I believe it is close to
4000. The production of the OBELISK
(pronounced OB (rhymes with sob) EL
- ISK (rhymes with assist) was a labor of
love for me and I know it will continue
to assist the LOSS members as they
journey toward healing and experience
joy once more.
obelisk dedication fund
To ensure continued publication, we have established an Obelisk Fund, which enables LOSS members to assist with the
expenses of this newsletter.
THERE ARE THREE WAYS IN WHICH TO CONTRIBUTE TO OUR FUND:
DEDICATION OF ONE MONTH’S OBELISK
To dedicate a specific month to your loved one, a family may contribute $2,560, which will cover the total cost of that month’s
newsletter. Please send this form back with your donation and the name of your loved one, as well as the month you are requesting.
Please add a second month choice as we sometimes have more than one member requesting the same month.
I would like to contribute $______________________ .
In memory of: ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
For the month of:___________________________________________ or _________________________________________
POSTAGE
To make a donation to cover one month’s postage, we ask that you send a minimum contribution of $300.
There will be a special section for those who contribute to our postage fund, and your loved one’s name
also will be on the MENTION MY NAME page.
I would like to contribute $__________________________ to cover one month’s postage.
In memory of: ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
PUBLISHING FUND
To be listed as a donor for our publishing fund, a member may contribute any amount to the Obelisk
Publishing Fund and have your name listed as a donor. Your loved one’s name will appear on the
MENTION MY NAME page as well.
I would like to contribute $_________________________ to the Obelisk Publishing Fund.
In memory of: ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
Your Name: ��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
Name of your loved one: ����������������������������������������������������������������������������������
Date of Birth: _______________ Date of Death:__________________ NOTE: Please fill out the “Mention My Name” page.
Please check here if you wish your donation to remain anonymous.
Make checks payable to: Catholic Charities LOSS Program. All donations to the LOSS Program are tax deductible.
Mail all donations to: LOSS Program • 721 North LaSalle Street • Chicago, IL 60654
4 OBELISK | March 2014
Grief and Family Development
Watching for Depression in the Grieving Family
By Cynthia Waderlow, MSE, LCSW
D
uring counseling intakes for
the LOSS Program for Children
and Youth we often hear
parents’ concerns that their child may
be depressed or will develop a serious
depression in response to the suicide
loss of a parent, sibling or someone
close to them. We are glad to hear
caregivers express this concern at the
outset because it conveys understanding
that the loss can be life-changing and the
needs of each person in the surviving
family have changed. Watching and
assessing grieving children is the right
response, and distinguishing grief from
depression calls for the experience of a
clinician or good, basic mental health
information. The caregiving adult who
attempts to monitor the grief responses
of children and adolescents needs a
sense of what healthy grief involves and
what could be problematic.
Whether for adult or young
person, grief can be intensely painful,
temporarily affecting appetite, sleep
patterns, energy levels and the sense
of future. But rather than a mental
illness or pathology, grieving is a natural
healing process. Children and adults
can be changed by grief. Major losses
can leave some scars, but healthy grief
can also be a developmental pathway to
increased adapative skills, empathy, selfreflection and personal growth. Because
grief can create a profound sense of
vulnerability in surviving children and
adults, it needs expression and at least
one compassionate witness, even if
the witness is only a journal or diary.
The conditions for healthy grieving can
be met with formal or spontaneous
rituals and telling the story of the loss
through conversation, art, music, any
disciplined effort, especially efforts that
involve repetition and mindfulness,
such as swimming or running. Whether
a child or adult, some type of narrative
will be constructed regarding the loss
and the survivor’s relationship with the
person who died. Hopefully, the story
will gradually include an explanation
of the loss that is compassionate and
understanding toward the deceased.
And grief moves toward resolution when
the narrative is balanced with a similar
compassion for the ways children and
adults may hold themselves responsible
for the loss. This is not a minor task. It
involves time, growth and awareness of
our thoughts and feelings.
Because grief can create
a profound sense of
vulnerability in surviving
children and adults, it
needs expression and at
least one compassionate
witness, even if the
witness is only a journal
or diary.
Caregiving adults should know how
young people look different from adults
in grief, and what undermines the
grief process. Adults may be crushed
for a significant period of time with
sadness, longing and hopelessness.
But children and teens tend to grieve
intermittently, alternating play, sports,
and study and socializing with periods
of sadness, irritability or emotional
neediness. Because grief is so highly
individualized, and most grief
responses are neither right nor wrong,
a counselor would cautiously say that
after several weeks, healthy grief would
not debilitate an individual to the point
that he or she is not basically functional.
Adults sometimes return to work and
caregiving (still grieving and coping)
and children return to school. Grieving
families require basic stability and
some sense of normalcy in the midst
of loss and change. The structure and
safety in productive routine supports
healthy grief. Trauma, upheaval and
inconsistency are conditions that
suppress the normal grief process and
increase the risk for depression.
When signs of clinical depression
are a concern after a major loss, focus is
directed at how the person is taking in
the impact of the death. A therapist will
ask about prior coping, especially earlier
coping related to disappointments, other
losses, relationship problems, issues
with authority. How is the grieving
person communicating about the loss?
Frequent behavior that numbs the
grief response is a problem to watch
for: drug use, alcohol, cutting, high
drama involvement among peers and
obsessive use of electronic devices are
examples. Some children and teens are
perfectionistic and insist that their sense
of normal must remain unchanged.
We notice that these children have high
levels of denial, and dislike conversation
that reminds them of the loss. They
maintain high achievement levels while
the grief goes underground. In families
where grief processes are at the healthy
end of the spectrum we often see dips in
performance levels for a while. Although
adolescents often prefer privacy in their
grief process, there is some sharing of
memories and comments about the
loss, and sad feelings clearly rise up at
different times. Perhaps a dream will
be shared at breakfast. Reminders of
the loved one who died are mentioned.
Tearful moments are not exclusively in
isolation. We hope that each person’s
grief is recognized and respected
and comforting is shared among the
surviving siblings and caregivers.
Depression is not always easy to see,
especially since symptoms of depression
can overlap with those of grief. In
most cases, time is instrumental in
differentiating grief from depression.
A surviving parent may need to rely on
a sense that “something is not right”
several weeks or months after the loss
when depression or complicated grief
is the concern. When a young person
Continued on p.6
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 5
Watching for Depression
shows no reaction at all, or appears
incapacitated by grief after more
than a few weeks, an evaluation is
recommended. Is anger the dominant
feeling in response to the loss? Did
the child or adolescent have a difficult
relationship with the person who died?
Are you noticing neglect of hygiene,
eating or sleeping too little or too much?
Was the young person traumatized by
some aspect of the death? Is the grieving
child surrounded by conflict, instability
or adults who are incapacitated by grief?
If any of these conditions are present,
the parent or caregiver should ask for an
evaluation for depression or complicated
grief. Sessions or consultation with a
licensed clinician who specializes in
grief therapy can be helpful to a family
for whom the territory of suicide loss is
new, or becoming increasingly difficult.
As grieving parents, it is not
uncommon to project our pain onto
the way we see our children’s grief
experience. This is another possible
obstacle to differentiating grief from
depression. When a family begins to
grieve a primary loss, its members can
From p.5
appear fused and isolated at the same
time because attachment anxiety is
triggered, causing surviving adults and
children to watch each other closely, yet
possibly mask their own feelings. When
loss is profound, attachments have been
disrupted and emotions are intensified,
Depression is not always
easy to see, especially
since symptoms of
depression can overlap
with those of grief.
the boundaries between self and other
may become fuzzy. Initially, the grieving
parent is shocked, preoccupied, perhaps,
with the perceived mind and behaviors
of the loved one who died by suicide,
feeling estranged from the familiar
sense of oneself and even fearing the
risk of losing other children. Dynamics
such as these can affect the perceptions
of competent and attuned parents.
Because developmental stage,
resilience and personality traits, such as
introversion and extroversion are markers
for how grief is experienced, each child
and adolescent can look quite different in
their grief responses. Still, the surviving
parent’s coping style and interpretation
of the loss will influence those of the
children. Maintaining an outlook that
we have been wronged, are failures, or
will not survive will negatively impact
our children. Developing hope, believing
we can survive together and recognizing
that human suffering exists beyond our
own experience offers a reflection that is
sustaining, and reinforces resilience and
compassion in children and other family
members.
Grief and family development is a
natural process that is experienced with
unique momentum and pace. Many
families have survived profound loss over
time by their intention to provide the
safety that allows each survivor’s narrative
to evolve, and to practice compassion for
the deceased, the self and others.
Ways to Support the LOSS Program for Children & Youth
Give a gift in HONOR OR IN MEMORY of a loved one.
Give a MONTHLY or single gift.
Consider a BEQUEST in your will or trust. Host a GIFT GATHERING of supportive friends.
Mail this form or DONATE ONLINE at www.catholiccharities.net
Yes, I/We will help grieving children receive the counseling and comfort they need.
MY (OUR) GIFT IS :
$50
$100
$250
$500
$1,000
$2,500
$5,000
$10,000
$________
PAYMENT METHOD
NAME
EMAIL
CHECK ENCLOSED. Payable to Catholic Charities LOSS Program
PHONE HOME CELL (CIRCLE ONE)
BILL MY
ADDRESS
CARD NUMBER
CITY/STATE/ZIP
MY GIFT IS MADE
Visa Mastercard Discover American Express
EXPIRATION DATE
PHONE NUMBER
in MEMORY of
HONOREE’S NAME
PLEASE NOTIFY (NAME)
ADDRESS
in HONOR of
SIGNATURE
BEQUEST. Please contact me to discuss options.
MONTHLY GIVING. I would like make an automatic monthly gift of
$_______ charged to my credit card.
MATCHING GIFT. My company, _______________, will match my gift.
Catholic Charities LOSS Program for Children & Youth | Attn: Dave Gardner | 721 N. LaSalle Street | Chicago, Illinois 60654
Contact Dave Gardner at (312) 655-7907 or [email protected] for more information.
6 OBELISK | March 2014
Benefiting Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide (LOSS) Program
Benefiting Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide (LOSS) Program
Sunday, April 27, 2014 • Drury Lane, Oak Brook Terrace
Sunday, April 27, 2014
April
27,
2014
Take HomeSunday,
a Blossoms
of
Hope
Drury Lane, Oakbrook Centerpiece
Terrace
Drury Lane, Oakbrook Terrace
Would you like a beautiful decoration for your home or
perhaps a memorial to your loved one that expresses a
deeply held sentiment residing within your heart? If so,
INFORMATION
| TICKETS | DONATE
we would like to give you the opportunity to purchase
a
lovely centerpiece to take home. INFORMATION
| TICKETS
| DONATE
Hillary Fash, (312)
948-6797,
[email protected]
The centerpieces are anHillary
array of Fash,
brightly
colored
flowers: [email protected]
(312)
948-6797,
www.catholiccharities.net/lossbrunch
a purple African violet, yellow begonia, pink kalanchoe
and white hypoestes which arewww.catholiccharities.net/lossbrunch
nestled together in a
round wicker basket measuring 12"w x 121/2" h. You can
purchase them at the brunch or by mailing in the order
form below. Centerpieces are $40 each.
Since there may be more than one person at your table
ordering a plant, place your order early to secure a
centerpiece at your table. Specific information about
the exact location of your plant will be given to you at
registration the day of the event. If you wish, you may
create a message honoring your loved one. It will be
displayed in a placeholder with the plant.
Thank you for your support, and we look forward to
seeing you at the Brunch April 27, 2014 at Drury Lane,
Oak Brook Terrace.
ORDER FORM
PLEASE COMPLETE AND MAIL THE ORDER FORM WITH YOUR PAYMENT.
NAME_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
ADDRESS____________________________________________________________________________________________________
CITY____________________________________________________________ STATE_________________ ZIP_________________
MESSAGE (no longer than 15 words) ______________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I WOULD LIKE________________ CENTERPIECE(S) ($40 per centerpiece) TOTAL $__________________
CHECKS PAYABLE TO: LOSS Brunch
MAIL TO: Catholic Charities, Attn: Blossoms of Hope • 721 N. LaSalle St. • Chicago, IL 60654
QUESTIONS? Please call Hillary Fash, Event Coordinator • (312) 948-6797
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 7
March Monthly Meetings
The minimum age for the monthly meetings or eight-week groups is 18 years old.
If possible, please call the LOSS office for an initial intake interview before your first meeting:
Jessica Mead, Intake Coordinator, (312) 655-7283.
2ND SUNDAY
3RD TUESDAY
MARCH 9, 2014
MARCH 18, 2014
Catholic Charities Northwest Office
1717 Rand Road, Des Plaines
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Laraine Bodnar
Facilitators:Mary Sikorski & Mike Allen
Catholic Charities Near North Office
721 N. LaSalle, Chicago
6 p.m. – 8 p.m.
Clinician: Ellen Gorney
Facilitators: Cherie Emling
& Jeanette Scalise
3RD WEDNESDAY
MARCH 19, 2014
Holy Family Church Main Building
2515 Palatine Road, Inverness
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Sharon Bibro
Facilitators: Judy Nolan
& Diane Ralston
4TH THURSDAY
MARCH 27, 2014
St. Daniel the Prophet
101 West Loop Drive, Wheaton
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Pat Green
Facilitators: Kathleen Sergent
& Meray Estephan
4TH TUESDAY
MARCH 25, 2014
Catholic Charities
Southwest Regional Office
7000 W. 111th Street, Worth
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Therese Gump
Facilitators: Anne Marie Leofanti
& Ronnie Cagney
3RD WEDNESDAY
MARCH 19, 2014
Catholic Charities Joliet office:
Triumph Professional Bldg.
2121 Oneida St. Suite 304,
Joliet (Hands of Hope Office)
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Mary Novak
Facilitators: Bee Robbins
& Susan Rosenmayer
4TH THURSDAY
MARCH 27, 2014
Carmel High School (Enter at Main entrance)
One Carmel Parkway, Mundelein
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Beth Teich
Facilitators: Dale DeLude
& Sandy Bourseau
4TH SUNDAY
MARCH 23, 2014
St. Joseph’s Church
1747 Lake Avenue, Wilmette
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Rev. Rich Jakubik
Facilitators: Tom & Peggy Kloempken
SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS
SOUTHWEST SPOUSE GROUP
YOUNG ADULT GROUP
1ST THURSDAY
2ND THURSDAY
MARCH 6, 2014
MARCH 13, 2014
Catholic Charities Southwest Office
7000 W. 111th St., Worth
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Debbie Major
Facilitators: Sue Ward & Jean King
Catholic Charities Near North Office
721 N. LaSalle, Chicago
6 p.m. – 8 p.m.
Clinician: Jessica Mead
Facilitators: Lindsay VanSickle
& Tommy Shimko
NORTHWEST SPOUSE GROUP
2ND WEDNESDAY
MARCH 12, 2014
Catholic Charities Northwest Office
1717 Rand Road, Des Plaines
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Bruce Engle
Facilitators: Lisa Flynn & Ed Bartt
8 OBELISK | March 2014
SIBLING GROUP
3RD MONDAY
MARCH 17, 2014
St. Norbert Church
(Parish office under the green awning on Elm St.)
1809 Walters St., Northbrook
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Clinician: Beth Teich
Facilitator: Katie Graff
ANNOUNCEMENTS
MARCH 2014
n LOSS WEATHER LINE
In case of severe weather, please call
the LOSS weather line to ensure that
meetings will be held as scheduled. LOSS
weather line: (312) 948-7902.
MEETING SCHEDULE
APRIL 2014
Sunday, April 13 • 7 p.m.
Catholic Charities
Des Plaines Office
Thursday, April 24 • 7 p.m.
Carmel High School
Mundelein
Tuesday, April 15 • 6 p.m.
Catholic Charities
Near North Chicago Office
Wed., April 16 • 7 p.m.
Holy Family Church
Inverness
Monday, April 21 • 7 p.m.
St. Norbert Church
(Sibling Group) Northbrook
Wed., April 16 • 7 p.m.
Catholic Charities Joliet
Joliet Office-Oneida Street
Sunday, April 27 • 7 p.m.
St. Joseph’s Church
Wilmette
Tuesday, April 22 • 7 p.m.
Catholic Charities
Worth Office
Tuesday, April 24 • 7 p.m.
St. Daniel the Prophet
Wheaton
Wed., April 9 • 7 p.m.
Catholic Charities
(Spouse Group)
Des Plaines Office
Thursday, April 3 • 7 p.m.
Catholic Charities
(Spouse Group)
Worth Office
Thursday, April 10 • 6 p.m
Young Adult Group
Near North Chicago office
ANNOUNCEMENTS
MARCH 2014
March Display Schedule
Memorial Squares and Lifekeepers Quilts
n “ DEALING WITH GUILT
AND GRIEF” WORKSHOP
Four week group: Sundays
March 9, 16, 23 & 30 2014
at Des Plaines office
Survivors of suicide are often
debilitated by the feeling of guilt.
Many tell themselves that “I should
have noticed certain signs and
behaviors,” or “I am responsible for
their death.” The workshop will be
geared toward survivors who have lost
someone at least 6 months ago and
are ready to address the complex issue
of guilt. The goals of the workshop are
to explore the impact that guilt has on
the grief process, explore the “purpose”
guilt may serve and to explore tools to
lessen or eliminate guilt. This four-part
workshop will be led by LOSS clinician
Sharon Bibro. Please contact the
LOSS office for more information or to
register (312) 655-7283.
n JOIN THE ILLINOIS
at the William R. and Theresa M. Stanek Chapel
of the Mission of the Holy Cross
Catholic Charities West Regional Office
1400 S. Austin, Cicero
Quilt #11
Herbert D. Altergott
Herbert D. Altergott
Christopher Elliot Bruce
Sheri Ann DeLuca
Joseph DeStefano
Gabe
J. Donald Graff, Jr.
Kevin Gustafson
Patricia A. Higgins
Charles A. Hundley
Tiffany Jacobs
Angela M. Leofanti
Ronald A. McCormack, Jr.
John McKechney
Cassandra Ann Roach
Steven Michael Spano
Phillip C. Stoklasa
Joseph Christian Westphal
7/21/1956
1/22/1997
7/21/1956
1/22/1997
8/23/1977
10/26/1993
5/10/1967
8/7/1998
7/11/1964
6/29/1986
19801997
1948
1975
12/14/1966
10/16/1997
8/30/1950
3/8/1981
2/28/1970
1/7/1998
5/4/1964
7/16/1985
5/24/1979
5/21/1998
10/19/1977
1/20/1998
2/14/1947
9/13/1989
7/23/1976
9/5/1996
3/5/1967
6/30/1998
1962
1997
CHAPTER OF THE AMERICAN
FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE
PREVENTION (AFSP)
Saturday, March 22nd at 11 a.m. is the
Annual Volunteer Gathering, held at the
Hilton Chicago, Williford Room, 720 S.
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, IL, 60605.
We will conclude by 1:30 p.m.
This is AFSP Illinois’ ONLY in person
volunteer training this year so make
plans to be there!
To RSVP for the Annual Volunteer
Gathering go to:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/
VolunteerGathering
n RACE THE CHICAGO
MARATHON FOR AFSP
The Chicago Marathon has announced
that because it sold out so quickly in
the past, registration for its 2014 race
will be conducted through a lottery.
Runners can guarantee a spot, however,
if they commit to raise at least $1,000
for the marathon’s official charities, one
of which is the American Foundation
for Suicide Prevention. This offer is only
available until the lottery closes on
April 7th or until AFSP fills its allotted
spots. For more information go to www.
RaceAFSP.org
Benefiting Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide (LOSS) Program
Benefiting Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide (LOSS) Program
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Drury Lane,
Oakbrook
Terrace
Sunday,
April
27,
2014
Drury INFORMATION
Lane, Oakbrook
| TICKETS | DONATETerrace
Hillary Fash, (312) 948-6797, [email protected]
www.catholiccharities.net/lossbrunch
INFORMATION | TICKETS | DONATE
Hillary Fash, (312) 948-6797, [email protected]
www.catholiccharities.net/lossbrunch
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 9
Mention My Name
James Douglas Koller
“Pig” Tom Shimko
Michael J. Bazel
03/16/1962 – 07/29/1995
02/17/1957 – 07/27/2011
02/06/1961 – 10/11/1998
With every thought you are kept
alive in our hearts. On your birthday, we
will not mourn for all that we lost. We
will celebrate all that we had. Happy
Birthday, Jim.
Love, Mom, Dad and Dave

We miss you so much every day.
Love, Lindsay, Tommy & Chris

Gerry Buehler
01/02/1955 – 08/04/1998
Adrienne Leslie
Through your birthday we got to enjoy
your life.
03/12/1943 – 01/09/1991

We all miss you very much, even to
this day, and I especially, at
Thanksgiving, as this was your holiday.
We will be thinking of you always in
mind. I pray for your peace.
Love you always,
Your sister Lynda, your nephew Steve
& family, your niece Laura & family.

Jeremiah Emling
02/19/1974 – 03/12/2010
We think about you and miss you
every day.
Love your family and friends.

Joseph Allen Gump
3/5/68 – 1/16/80
When I think of you now, Joey, I focus
on your favorite things and my favorite
things about you. On March 5, 1958, you
were born. That you died at age 21 was
terribly sad, but that you lived is far more
important. Your life, though brief, and
the joy you brought to all of us is a forever
treasure. I envision a heavenly hockey
rink, and you, gliding up and down with
a big grin on your face and getting a goal
every time!
Love, Mom
10 OBELISK | March 2014

Joe Sheil
03/20/1977 – 06/23/2008
“No it is not I, it is someone else who
is suffering. I could not have borne it. And
this thing which has happened, let them
cover it with black cloths and take away
the lanterns.”
A. Akhmatova
Edward J. Hingston, III

07/30/1973 – 03/15/2001
Monica Lynch
Love and miss you more each day. You
may be gone, but never forgotten.
01/11/1960 – 10/15/1993

Dan Mahoney
02/19/1962 – 01/23/2010
Happy 52nd birthday Dan! We love
and miss you every day.
Much love, your family and friends.

Thomas Baldwin
05/13/1961 – 5/2/2000
You’re always in our thoughts and
prayers. You are missed, greatly.
Love you always & forever,
H., Burke, Caitlin & Cullen.

Dear Monica, We remember your
generous loving family and friends.
We miss you.
Your loved ones.

Kyle H. Whiteley
07/14/1981 – 06/12/2013
You made this world a better place.
You never will be forgotten. We love you
and miss you.

Daniel J. Guzman
03/03/1982 – 03/02/1999
You are always within our hearts and
thoughts.
Jason Raymond Janis

10/20/1972 – 11/12/1998
Conor Murphy

03/03/1979 – 01/07/2009
Jacob H. Winkelman
02/23/1986 – 10/09/2003
10 long years without you. Loving and
missing you every day. Happy birthday
my wonderful son.
Love and kisses, Mom and Dave
With love always, Mom and Dad

Keith Loehr
05/1969 – 03/1999
“The gift of Keith” a website for those
who have suffered a loss.
Mention My Name
LOSS provides a space each month in the OBELISK
for the names of people we have lost to suicide. Survivors
need to be able to hear, see and speak the names of the
persons we have lost. The response to this opportunity
has been an indication that our LOSS members truly
appreciate seeing their loved ones’ names in print.
If you wish to send in the name of a loved one, please
fill out the attached form. To be sure that your request is
included in the month you wish, we ask that you send it in
at least 2 months before publication: e.g., to be included in
the March Obelisk, we need to receive it by December 1.
If we receive it late, we will automatically include it in the
next edition, unless otherwise indicated. We always do our
best to accommodate your request.
A donation of any size is appreciated to defray the cost
of printing and postage.
NAME OF LOVED ONE: ___________________________________________________________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH: _________________________________________________________________________________________
DATE OF DEATH:_________________________________________________________________________________________
MONTH REQUESTED:____________________________________________________________________________________
REQUESTED BY:_______________________________________________ RELATIONSHIP: ____________________________
Please fill in your message in the space below. We ask that you limit your message to 20 words or less
Longer messages may be edited as space is limited.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
PLEASE MAIL TO: LOSS Program, Catholic Charities, 721 North LaSalle, Chicago, IL 60654
A Prayer for Survivors
By Therese Gump
LORD, I need your help to survive,
A part of me’s gone, but I’m still alive.
Let me not be obsessed with “if onlys” and “whys”
Only you know the reason that somebody dies.
I must take time to weep, and smile when I can,
And not be concerned with the judgments of man.
Can I learn how to numb the everyday pain,
So that hollow inside me will not remain?
May I substitute goals for my feelings of guilt,
And not be ashamed of the life I have built.
Make me believe that the sadness will pass,
That joy will return to my being at last.
Finally, show me the way to reach others like me.
Then I’ll know my survival was destined to be.
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 11
Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Chicago
LOSS Program/Area 281
721 North LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois 60654
POSTMASTER:
DATED MATERIAL
PLEASE DO NOT DELAY
The LOSS Program
is Going Green!
Go Green by switching to email! If you
receive the Obelisk via PAPER copy opt to
change to receive the Obelisk via EMAIL.
Not only is this is a great way for LOSS
to lower its carbon footprint, but it has
the potential to save the LOSS program
thousands of dollars in printing costs a year.
Currently the mailing list for the Obelisk
only has 400 email subscribers; if we can
triple that number to 1200 LOSS can save
$14,400 a year on printing costs.
Help LOSS go green today and save money
by either calling, (312) 655-7282 or emailing
[email protected] and letting
us know your name and email so we can
switch you over.
Volunteers Needed
Benefiting
Loving Outreach
to Survivors
of Suicideis(LOSS)
Programseeking volunteers
The
Blossoms
of Hope
Brunch
currently
to help make the day of the event run smoothly. Below is a list of the
various positions
that we
need
to 2014
fill. We would love your support!
Sunday,
April
27,
Drury Lane, Oakbrook
Greeter/Registration
11 Terrace
a.m. – 11:45 a.m.
Gift of Hope
Table 11 a.m. – 1:45 p.m.
INFORMATION | TICKETS | DONATE
Hillary Fash, (312) 948-6797, [email protected]
Pick-a-Prize
Table
11 a.m. – 3 p.m.
www.catholiccharities.net/lossbrunch
Auction Monitoring
and Closing 11 a.m. – 3 p.m.
Raffle Ticket Sellers 11 a.m. – 1:15 p.m.
Check Out 1:30 p.m. – Close
Wine Grab’n Go
11a.m. – 2 p.m.
Packing/Transport
2:30 p.m. – Close (or until last bottle is sold)
If you are interested in volunteering, please contact
Kristina Pilolli at (312) 655-7018 or [email protected].
www.catholiccharities.net/loss