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Lyla Azar
Hybrids: Where Do They Belong?
Marhaba! This is the Arabic word for "hello everyone." Language has
always been a large part of my life and my character. I grew up in a bi-lingual
world where language plays a major role in self-expression and self-identity.
Expressing myself and finding my identity has never been easy, however. Nevertheless, after many years of confusion and exploration of my ethnic background and heritage, I have come to identify myself as an Arab-American.
I was born in America, hut my parents traveled across continents and an
ocean from the Middle East. My house has been a dominantly English-speaking environment, but the backbone of my life is my culture, which is where
the Arabic language appears. The native tongue of my people is a beautiful,
spiritual language that has sadly come to be something feared in America, hut
a language and culLure I have learned to pride as a part of who I am. My first
language is English. I am fluent in it, while Arabic is something that I struggle
with - language and culture. My parents make sure I know where I come
from, hut that I also take pride in my uniqueness. However, growing up with
Arab parents I thought much like them seeing myself, like them, as a pure
Arab. As the years passed and I matured, it has led to the realization that my
ethnicity is not pure, but a mix. Living in America as an Arab has been ardu ous for me because I lived solely as an Arab denying my American birth place,
until I realized something: why not live as an Arab-American everywhere. I am
not fully either, so why not explore and bring out both sides? I have become a
hybrid. This uniqueness is not glorious. It is almost a curse.
L-y-1- a is how I spell my name; however, I have always had two names.
Pronunciation is everything when is comes to letters written on paper and
that pronunciation is up to the reader. The reader interprets tl1e letters based
on experiences and knowledge. The readers of my name have two interpretations: Lila and Layla. Which pronunciation do you see? That would depend
on your knowledge. Most Americans pronounce the "y" in my name as "i,"
which makes sense based on their understanding of the English language.
When my father named me, he tried keeping the Arabic pronunciation and
making it unique by translating it as Lyla, combining his knowledge of the
two languages as best as he could. The most common ways of Lranslating my
name are the spellings, Layla and Leila. For my father, the "y" in my name
represents "ie," which he pronounces as "ay," giving my name its uniqueness.
Therefore, I have always had this clear division between Americans and Arabs.
Since I have grown up with this clear division, I have never really cared how
people pronounced my name and I do not have a particular liking to either
of them. Many Americans and Arabs (young and old) see my impartialness
shameful or sad, hut for me it is just a part of my life. I do not know what
it is like to have one "standard" name. If I had to choose, I would be nameless. Choosing a name means, essentially, to pick a side. I cannot pick a side;
I belong to both cultures. However, the line is starting to blur, dividing me
more. Americans and Arabs now use both pronunciations making the line less
divided and forcing me to choose the "right" one. The division, however, lies
15
deeper Lhan Lhe pronunciaLion of my name.
Language, in a way, is the key to a sociely's acceptance of a person.
Through language humans can communicate ~with one anolhcr, establishing a sense of sameness. This "sameness" implicitly eslablishes a community
because the humans that live Logether can identity with each otl1er and feel
comfortable relieving their hopes and fears to one another because they speak
Lhe same language. The magical parl is Lhat they accepl each other based
on the Lrusl that is built. Language has a power effect on how a community
coexisls. This community is unknown Lo me, because I can only look from the
oulside in through the invisible glass divider.
In America, for the mosl part, Americans have accepled me but not based
on my language and not with complele trust. Instead, I have been accepted
because of my ambiguity. It is hard for people to decipher what my background is because I do nol have an accent and have accuslomed to the way
of American life. Many people firsl assume me Mexican, lndian, or just plain
old white. This ambiguily has never really bothered me though: sometimes
being unknown is simpler. Besides, when people find oul thal my background
is Middle Eastern, things become uncomfortable for me, especially in college.
When l entered college, I was so excilcd to meet people who had open minds
and wanlcd to explore everything. This is the impression I received, anyway,
of all college students from graduales.However, when I entered college it was
quile the opposite. I made some friends with a group of people in the Student
Activity Cenler where there was one guy, in particulru; who enjoyed talking
politics. \,Yell, that was something I enjoyed hearing other people's views on,
so regretfully, I joined in. He found oul that I was an Arab ru1d disregru·ded
the American part, banishing me from my home and explaining Lhat all Arabs
will and should die because we were no good Jew-halers. Taken aback, I jusl
sal there and eventually walked oul. What could I have said? Moreove1; would
iL have mattered? Explaining my background is much easier than defending
myself from people's reacLions Loward it, which seem unchangeable of those
who do not care to listen.
Arabs, however, immediately know I am pru·t American based on my
buLchered replication of the naLivc Longue. Also, because I crumot read or
wrile the elegant scribbles thal represent the way of their communication. For
Lhis nolability, they deny me full admission into the "club." I am an outsider,
bul an outsider who is becoming more familiru· based on Lheir own children's
idenLiLies, which is forcing Arab parents to admil outsiders like myself This
is because many of their children arc becoming hybrid, bul we threaten the
destruction of the authentic Arab.
Authenticity is a term important Lo Arabs, a term thal Americans do not
understand because of Lheir unique situation. The Uniled Slates is a unique
entity because every person's background is foreign and mixing with one
another, especially the cullure. Americans are not native Lo the lru1d, but immigrants, showing they pride themselves in accommodating to every cultural
need. Arabs pride themselves on their "pureness." They have managed Lo
keep a culture alive for mru1.y, many generations. They also managed to marry
among Lhemselves, preserving a unified language, Lradition, and customs.
Growing up in my household has been differenl from many other Arabic
16
frunilies. My parents did a balancing
bic side and truly understanding my
is Lhc only home I know, my parents
survive adding extra equipment, the
Lop. However, many other Arab hous
My parents have accepled the fact ar
Lo a cullure that does not presently ~
of households, although in immense
children.
My pru·ents speak only Arabic to
are upsel with me and they want me
ish speaking AralJic Lo a friend or fai
slories about their home overseas. A
English language; howeve1; for the rr
homes the dominant language is onl
outsider. It is nol thal they do not kr
iclcnlify themselves as Americans or
America to offer Lheir children a bet
tunilies, jobs, and career options. Th
heller lives. My pru·enls are not here
offering this choice, Lhey realized th1
of Lhe American culture and languaf
Lhey expected me to lose a parl of m
expect, if nol demand, their childrer
in order to preserve Lhis "authenlicii
choice, but accept any choice I makt
me Lo accommodate to Arab ways ar
ever, other families raise their childr
Lo these ways and LradiLions. Many A
crcaling communities that surround
Lo themselves. My pru·enls pulled a\-v
me Lo find myself, not for me to ask
been a constanl slruggle and someti
community or an all-American com
much more rewarding.
I will conlinue identifying myse
maybe even you the reader, see Lhis
more. "Arab-Americru1" has a much
from first identifying myself as an A
an Arab-American. An Arab in Ame
l ivcs here. An Arab American, withe
wanl Lo commil Lo both Lilies; he or
ever, the last tiLle is a commitment t·
sLruggles and wants to play a tug of
always connects the Lwo entities, ke•
for me to choose a name and to slic
L(a)yla. I am ru1 Arab-American. Wl
ne.
~iety's
acceptance of a person.
icate with one another, establish' implicitly establishes a community
m identity with each other and feel
irs to one another because they speak
ial they accept each other based
power effect on how a community
me, because I can only look from the
id er.
cans have accepted me but not based
mst. Instead, I have been accepted
~ ople to decipher what my back1t and have accustomed to the way
ie me Mexican, Indian, or just plain
y bothered me though: sometimes
i people find out that my background
Lfortable for me, especially in college.
lo meet people who had open minds
• the impression I received, anyway,
)Wever, when I entered college it was
with a group of people in the Student
, in particular, who enjoyed talking
ed hearing other people's views on,
hat I was an Arab and disregarded
y home and explaining that all Arabs
good Jew-haters. Taken aback, I just
Lt could I have said? Moreover, would
und is much easier than defending
which seem unchangeable of those
am part American based on my
1e. Also, because I cannot read or
: the way of their communication. For
m into the "club." I am an outside1~
uniliar based on their own children's
to admit outsiders like myself This
:oming hybrid, but we threaten the
rahs, a term that Americans do not
ttion. The United States is a unique
i is foreign and mixing with one
s are not native to the land, but imin accommodating to every cultural
ureness." They have managed to
rations. They also managed to marry
anguage, tradition, and customs.
~n different from many other Arabic
families. My parents did a balancing act, allowing me to know about my Ara hie side and truly understanding my American side. Realizing that America
is the only home I know, my parents equipped me with all the necessities to
survive adding extra equipment, the Arabic, believing it to put me over the
top. However, many other Arab households struggle to maintain this purity.
My parents have accepted the·fact and realized it is not practical to subject me
lo a culture that does not presently surround me. Language is how both types
of households, although in immensely different ways, enforce culture for their
children.
My parents speak only Arabic to me in certain situations - when they
are upset with me and they want me to take them seriously, after they finish speaking Arabic to a friend or family member, and when they talk or tell
stories about their home overseas. All the other talking space is used by the
English language; however, for the majority of other Arab and Arab American
homes the dominant language is only Arabic unless they are talking lo an
outsider. lL is nol that they do not know English, it is that they do not want to
identify themselves as Americans or assimilate to the culture. Arabs come to
America lo offer their children a better education and a wider range of opportunities, jobs, and career options. They are here to stay and they here to live
helter lives. My parents are not here to stay but to offer me this choice, but in
offering this choice, they realized the way to succeed is for me lo gain more
of the American culture and language. By realizing I needed to acculturate,
they expected me to lose a part of my Arabic-ness. Many other Arab families
expect, if not demand, their children to marry an Arab or an Arab American
in order to preserve this "authenticity." My parents would like me to make this
choice, but accept any choice I make. They realize that it would be harder for
me to accommodate to Arab ways and culture in an American society. Howcve1~ other fan1ilies raise their children ready and prepared to accommodate
to these ways and traditions. Many Arab families contain their children by
creating communities that surround them with many other families similar
lo themselves. My parents pulled away from that a little more. They wanted
me lo find myself, not for me to ask them who I am. Having this choice has
been a constant struggle and sometimes makes me wish I lived in an all-Arab
community or an all-American community, but the current situation has been
much more rewarding.
I will continue identifying myself as an Arab-American. Many people,
maybe even you the reader, see this title as just a title, but to me it is much
more. ''Arab -American" has a much deeper meaning. I have evolved my Lille
from first identifying myself as an Arab, then to an Arab American, and finally
an Arab -American. An Arab in America is someone who is born overseas and
lives here. An Arab American, without a hyphen, is someone who does not
want to commit to both titles; he or she usually prefers one to the other. However, the last title is a commitment to both. No matter how much my identity
struggles and wants lo play a tug of war, I will make sure that that hyphen
always connects the two entities, keeping me whole. The first step, however, is
for me to choose a name and to stick to it unwaveringly Marhaba, my name is
L(a)yla. I am an Arab -American. Who are you?
17