CutBank
Volume 1
Issue 78 CutBank 78
Article 46
Spring 2013
No Tengo
Brian Phillip Whalen
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Whalen, Brian Phillip (2013) "No Tengo," CutBank: Vol. 1: Iss. 78, Article 46.
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Br ia n
Ph il l ip W h a l e n
N O TENGO
I Flew to Paris w i t h m y g i r l f r i e n d . W e stayed at a cheap h o t e l at
the edge o f t he Red L i g h t D i s t r i c t . O u r c on c i e r g e w a r n e d us n ot
t o w a l k t o o close to d o o r w a y s , s o m e b o d y m i g h t p u l l us in. O n
o u r last n i g h t in the ci ty, we ate d i n n e r at a cafe a l e w b l o ck s f r o m
o u r h ot e l . T h e wai tress was the o w n e r and her h u s b a n d the chef.
T h e place was d ec ke d o u t in reds an d greens, the tables made o f
s o l i d oak. I ’d never eaten escargot. It was d e l i c i o u s . M y g i r l f r i e n d
o r d er e d us a b o t t l e o f w h i t e w i n e , t h e n a b o t t l e o f red. She d r a n k
m o s t o f it. W h e n the b i l l came, I was a l m o s t d r u n k , b u t it was the
wai t ress w h o f u m b l e d w i t h the c r e d i t card m a c h i n e . “ It w i l l n o t
o p e r a t e , ” she said. H e r h u s b a n d emer ged f r o m the k i t c h e n , his
f o r ea r ms d ec or a t e d w i t h m i n i a t u r e wheel s o f c u t chi ve. H e , t oo ,
f u m b l e d w i t h the m a c h i n e . H e s h o o k it, he c he c ke d the bat teri es.
M y g i r l f r i e n d f o u n d the w h o l e t h i n g f u n n y . I fel t her bare toes
c r a w l i n g u p m y p a n t leg. H e r nec k an d chest were fl us h. “ C a n
y o u b i l l o u r r o o m ? ” I asked t he wai tress, m y pulse q u i c k e n i n g . I
p o i n t e d t o the d oo r , i n t e n d i n g the gesture to mean t h a t o u r ho t el
was a b l o c k in t h a t d i r e c t i o n . T h e wai tress c l ap p e d her hands.
She seemed q u i t e pleased. A d d r e s s i n g her h u s b a n d in Fr en c h, she
r e t r i ev e d f o r me m y coat f r o m the rack she’d h u n g it on w h e n
w e ’d a r r i v e d , th en she di sap pe ar ed i n t o t he k i t c h e n . I had the
coat on w h e n the wai tress came back w i t h a b o t t l e o f C h i a n t i .
She f i l l e d m y g i r l f r i e n d ' s glass, a nd m y g i r l f r i e n d , w h o f o u n d all
o f th i s h i l a r i o u s , fl ashed me t h i g h be ne a th her s k i r t and raised
her glass to toast me o u t the do or . It was r a i n i n g . I f o l l o w e d the
chef, w h o w o r e no coat. H e spoke no E n g l i s h . I he n i g h t was c ol d
and I f el t a l m o s t sober. I w a l k e d c a u t i o u s l y in the street w h i l e the
c h e f s o u g h t cover f r o m the r a i n u n d e r the s i d e w a l k a w n i n g s . H e
eyed me queer ly. I t r i e d to e x p l a i n a b o u t t he d o o r w a y s and the
c on c i e r g e and m u r d e r . H e d i d n o t u n d e r s t a n d . It was o n l y w h e n
188
I u t t e r e d “p u e r t o
on a w h i m t h a t we di s co v er ed he a n d I s po k e
S pani s h, e n o u g h to c o m p l e t e a h an d f u l o f exchanges. 1 told h i m ,
m o r e o r less, w h a t t h e c o n c i e r g e h a d s a i d a b o u t t h e d o o r w a y s ,
a n d t h e c h e f w r a p p e d hi s h a n d s a r o u n d hi s t h r o a t a n d l et hi s
t o n g u e roll o u t . 1 w e n t a h e a d a n d j o i n e d h i m o n t h e s i d e w a l k .
W e a w n i n g - h o p p e d f o r s eve r a l b l o c k s u n t i l w e f o u n d a n A I M .
T h e c h e f s t o o d next t o me. 1 t y p e d m y p a s s c o d e i n c o r r e c t l y a n d
m y c a r d s l i d o u t . M y h a n d s w e r e w e t , t h e b u t t o n s w e r e s l i ck.
T h e c h e f frowned and touched my shoulder, m is und er standin g.
H e s t a r t e d t o w a l k off. I f o r g o t t h e w o r d a c c i d e n t e , so I c a l l e d
o u t : “ P o r f a vor , t e n g o d i n e r o !
J u s t t h e n a tall m a n in a d a r k c o a t
e m e r g e d f r o m t h e s h a d o w s o n t h e o p p o s i t e s i d e of t h e s t r e e t . I
t yped m y passcode correctl y an d a m e n u a p p e a r e d on the screen.
B u t t h e tall m a n in t h e d a r k c o a t wa s c r o s s i n g t h e s t r e e t , h e a d i n g
s t r a i g h t in o u r d i r e c t i o n . 1 c a n c e l l e d m y t r a n s a c t i o n . P o c k e t i n g
m y w a l l e t , I m o t i o n e d f o r t h e m a n in t h e d a r k c o a t t o g o a h e a d .
1 s t e p p e d o u t f r o m u n d e r t h e a w n i n g a n d a p p r o a c h e d t h e c he f .
T h e c h e f g e s t u r e d f o r us t o go, b u t 1 t o u c h e d hi s a r m a n d s a i d,
s of t l y: “u n m o m e n t o . ” H e w a i t e d , b u t I d o u b t h e u n d e r s t o o d . I
t h o u g h t a b o u t w r i n g i n g m y n e c k o r l o l l i n g m y t o n g u e , b u t I felt
e m b a r r a s s e d . By n o w t h e r a i n h a d w a s h e d t h e h e r b s of f t h e c h e f ’s
a r m s . M y c o a t wa s s o a k e d t h r o u g h , b u t n e v e r t h e l e s s I p u l l e d t h e
collar tight a r o u n d m y t hr oat . T h e chef r e s u me d o u r c o n v e r s a ­
tion. H o w long, he asked, had 1 had b ee n marr ied? “N o es pos a, ”
I said, a n d in c o r r e c t i n g h i m 1 t ri ed to fi nd t he S p a n i s h w o r d s to
e x p l a i n w i t h s o m e k i n d o f m e r i t h o w m y g i r l f r i e n d a n d I h a d j us t
g r a d u a t e d college, h o w we p l a n n e d to mo ve t o g e t h e r to C hi c a g o ,
h o w w e d b o t h finds jobs a n d earn m o n e y a n d be h a p p y a n d no
m a t t e r w h a t , w e ’d h a v e e a c h o t h e r . I t h i n k h e u n d e r s t o o d .
s m i l e d e v e r y t i m e I s a i d “a m o r .
He
T h e n h e a s k e d h o w o l d w e we r e ,
a n d I s ai d “ T w e n t y - t w o . ” H e b u r s t i n t o l a u g h t e r , a n d t h e tall m a n
in t h e d a r k c o a t , h a v i n g f i n i s h e d hi s t r a n s a c t i o n , j o i n e d us in t h e
Whalen
189
street. He said s o m e t h i n g in French to the chef, a nd the chef said
s o m e t h i n g back. The c h e f p o i n t e d at me. Both men bur st into
laughter. Spe aking rapidly, as if they were old friends wh o shared
a sacred b o n d , the two men conversed in French while I sto od by
a nd w a tc he d their m o u t h s c o n t o r t wildly in the d i m - lit street.
I he rain did not let up. There were no red lights in this area.
Ever ybody was a liar a nd a fraud. I step p ed up to the AT M and
slid my card into the slot. Behind me, the two men talked and
laugh ed and m ade c o m m o t i o n . A m e n u appe ared . E N G L I S H , 1
selected. But I d i d n ’t use my passcode. Instead, 1 i n p u t r a n d o m
n u m b er s . My card slid ou t, and I slid it in again. I p u n c h e d a n ­
o t h e r set o f r a n d o m n u m b er s . My ha nd s were cold from the rain
and w he n I pu s he d my finger hard against the b u t t o n s no blood
showed be ne at h the nail. I repeated my t ra ns a ct io n six, maybe
seven times. The lau g h in g had s to p p e d by now. I p u t my card
back in my wallet, a nd w h e n I t u r n e d a r o u n d I saw the tall m an
walk ing off. He d i sap pe are d a r o u n d a corner. T h e c h e f was w a i t ­
ing, s o p p i n g wet b ut smiling. He t u r n e d his palms face up. “ No
t e n g o , ’ I answered. We he ad ed back the way w e’d come. The chef
asked me qu e s tio ns b u t I acted like I did not u n d e r s t a n d . I had
this feeling. I c o u l d n ’t shake the image o f my girlfriend, flush and
d r u n k on stolen wine, w ai tin g alone, a nd as I walked with the
c h e f in the rain I knew for certain that she w a s n’t m in e an d that
I’d take her anyway.
190 Whalen