Vol. 14 Issue 50
All Rights Reserved © 2016
HEADHUNTERS!
A missionary was going in to the most remote
section of Africa. He found a native that
would take him upstream to a tribe of
headhunters cut off from civilization. In the
distance they could hear drums.
"What is that drumming?" he asked nervously. The native replied, "Drums okay, but if
they stop it would be very bad."
The drums continued for 3 days as they got
closer to the headhunters' village. Then without warning the
drums suddenly stopped. The forest fell eerily silent.
With panic in his voice, the missionary calls out to the
guide, "The drums have stopped! What happens now?" The
guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and
with despair in his voice, answered, "Tuba solo."
GLAD TIDINGS
A woman from out of town was visiting a local church one
Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in
the congregation fell asleep. After the service,
to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy
looking gentleman, extended her hand in
greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys
Dunn."
And the gentleman replied, "You're
not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's
done too!!"
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A PERSON WHO TALKS ABOUT HIS INFERIORITY HASN'T ANY
"DO NOT INSULT THE MOTHER ALLIGATOR UNTIL YOU HAVE CROSSED THE RIVER." -HAITIAN PROVERB
FAITH IN GOD CHANGES EVERYTHING
THE CIA TODAY ADMITTED THAT THE PIANO THEY DROPPED FROM A PLANE FAILED TO HIT CASTRO’S COFFIN
OLD MACDONALD
Its the final round of the $64,000 question and
only 3 remaining contestants are left, an Englishman, a Texan and a gentleman from the
state of Arkansas. The question is, finish the
following song title and spell the answer. "
Old Macdonald had a _ _ _ _ _ _ _.”
The Englishman, sighing, goes first and says
"Estate, "e-s-t-a-t-e.”
The announcer says sorry wrong answer,
but right spelling. Meanwhile the man
from Arkansas is going nuts and he is so
excited he cannot control himself.
The Texan goes next and answers, "Ranch, r-an-c-h.”
The announcer says sorry
wrong answer but right spelling. Meanwhile, the Arkansan is jumping up and
down and is so excited he is almost
screaming. Finally, the announcer
turns to the man from Arkansas and
says, "for $64,000 what is the answer.”
Without hesitation he answers,
"farm, e-i-e-i-o."
LOSE YOUR DREAMS AND YOU MAY LOSE YOUR MIND - MICK JAGGER
OPPORTUNITY IS OFTEN MISSED BY PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS DRESSED IN OVERALLS AND LOOKS LIKE WORK - THOMAS EDISON
* On Dec. 22, 1808, Beethoven's Fifth Symphony
premieres in Vienna, Austria, in a
freezing venue. Two hours into the
poorly played concert, Beethoven
stopped the music and had the ensemble start again from the beginning.
* On Dec. 24, 1923, President Calvin
Coolidge touches a button and lights up the first national
Christmas tree to grace the White House grounds. The balsam
fir was the first to be decorated with electric lights -- a strand
of 2,500 red, white and green bulbs.
* On Dec. 23, 1959, rock 'n' roll pioneer
Chuck Berry is arrested in Missouri and
charged with transporting a 14-yearold girl across state lines for allegedly immoral purposes. Berry spent 20
months in federal prison following
his conviction for violating the Mann
Act.
HISTORICALLY, PRIVACY WAS A GIVEN BECAUSE IT WAS SO HARD TO GATHER AND SHARE INFORMATION
* On Dec. 21, 1970, Elvis Presley visits
President Richard Nixon to offer his services in the government's war on drugs. Presley, who was apparently not
searched at the gate, presented the
president with a gift -- a World
War II-era Colt .45 pistol.
* On Dec. 19, 1986, Michael
Sergio, who parachuted into
Game Six of the 1986 World Series at New York's Shea
Stadium with a "Let's Go Mets" banner, is fined $500 and
sentenced to 100 hours of community service.
* On Dec. 20, 1995, the United Nations peacekeeping force
formally transfers military authority in Bosnia to North Atlantic Treaty Organization forces, allowing the deployment
of some 60,000 NATO troops.
* On Dec. 25, 2002, University of New Mexico junior
placekicker Katie Hnida becomes the first woman to play in
a Division I football game. In 2004,
Hnida told Sports Illustrated that she
had been sexually harassed while at
the University of Colorado. The Colorado football coach responded by
calling Hnida "not only a girl" but a
"terrible" player. He was suspended
briefly and left the team in 2005.
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.
GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANY ENEMY YOU FACE
I’VE NEVER TURNED BLUE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S BATHROOM. I CONSIDER THAT THE HEIGHT OF BAD MANNERS - KEITH RICHARDS
THE SECRET TO GETTING AHEAD IS GETTING STARTED
SUCCESS IS A LOUSY TEACHER; IT SEDUCES SMART PEOPLE INTO THINKING THEY CAN’T LOSE - BILL GATES
LITTLE THINGS CAN MEAN A LOT
As you might remember, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten that day.
Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off.
One was late, stuck in traffic on the NJ Turnpike
One of them missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to change.
One's car wouldn't start.
One couldn't get a taxi.
One man put on a new pair of shoes that morning and developed a blister on his foot. He had to stop at a drugstore to buy
a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive.
Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an exit, turn back for
something forgotten... all the little things that annoy me, I
think to myself, this may be where God wants me to be at this
very moment. Next time your morning seems to be
going wrong, you can't seem to find the car keys,
you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; just think, it may be that God is at
work watching over you.
May God continue to bless you
with all those annoying little
things, and may you remember
their possible purpose.
BEING HAPPY NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE
GOD CARES FOR YOU SO THAT YOU CAN CARE FOR OTHERS
WHAT SCREWS US UP MOST IN LIFE IS THE PICTURE IN OUR HEAD OF HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE
GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING
SCIENCE WITHOUT RELIGION IS LAME; RELIGION WITHOUT SCIENCE IS BLIND - ALBERT EINSTEIN
IF SOMETHING IS WRONG, FIX IT. BUT TRAIN YOURSELF NOT TO WORRY. WORRY FIXES NOTHING - ERNEST HEMINGWAY
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR LOVE LIFE, BANK ACCOUNT AND NEXT MOVE PRIVATE = FIDEL CASTRO
SO THIS IS AMERICA. THEY MUST BE OUT OF THEIR MINDS—RINGO STARR 1964