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Objective
More Than a Feeling
Can you think of a recent disagreement you had with someone? Maybe
you and your sister had an argument
over who got to use the car this weekend, or maybe your parents wanted
you to clean your room when you
had plans to see a movie with friends.
Disagreements happen all the time,
whether you’re at home, at school, or,
especially, at work.
Internal vs. External
Nick loves his job, except for one thing. Well, one person: his coworker,
Aaron. Nick and Aaron are supposed to be working together on a big presentation due at the end of the month, but Aaron hasn’t exactly been helping
much. Instead of working, he usually plays solitaire on his computer or
talks to coworkers about fantasy football. Nick’s been doing more than his
share, and he’s starting to get a little angry.
Think of all the people you interact
with at a job every day: coworkers,
supervisors, suppliers, and customers.
As much as you might want to, you’re
not going to get along with everyone
all the time. If you can’t always avoid
conflict, you might as well learn how
to handle it, right? Handling disagreements in a positive way makes you a
better employee, and it benefits the
company you work for, too.
So, if you’re ready, let’s examine
why conflict occurs and how to resolve
it effectively.
Objectives
Discuss how conflict affects relationships.
Demonstrate conflict-resolution skills.
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Conflict occurs when you have a disagreement. If that disagreement is with
another person—like a coworker who’d rather goof off than help you with a
project—it’s considered an external conflict.
What Nick’s dealing with is a conflict—in other words, a disagreement.
Nick’s conflict with Aaron is an external conflict, which means it occurs with
another person (in Nick’s case) or with a group of people (in other situations). When you have conflicting thoughts or ideas within yourself, that’s
an internal conflict.
Whether your problem is big or small, if you understand what drives
people into conflict, you can manage (or better yet, resolve!) the disagreements in your school, home, or work life.
What Drives Conflict?
There are two types of conflict: functional and emotional. Functional
conflict occurs when people disagree about something tangible or concrete.
Often, the people involved agree on a goal but have different approaches
to the situation. Jodi and Bill are salespeople who had a functional conflict
while driving to meet a customer. They were running late and disagreed
over the quickest route to get there. Both wanted to get to the customer’s
office—they just recommended different solutions.
Emotional conflict, on the other hand, arises when people have different
personal beliefs, values, or experiences. Nick is experiencing emotional
conflict—he is upset about Aaron’s lack of work on their project. Nick
believes that Aaron should pull his weight instead of goofing off.
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Stop the Madness
Objective
Reason This!
Functional and emotional conflicts occur for a variety of reasons.
Some of these reasons include:
•Limited resources. If you’ve ever tried to decide who gets
the last piece of pizza, you understand how limited resources
can cause a disagreement. When there’s not enough of something
to go around, you can wind up with a conflict.
•Miscommunication. An instruction manual written in French
wouldn’t do you much good if you only spoke English, would
it? Even if the information you need is available, communication barriers can make it hard to obtain or understand. Besides
language differences, communication barriers can also include
loud noises or bad phone connections.
•Authority. Power struggles can arise when people want to control,
or be in charge of, the same situation. For example, Natalia and
Marcus both want the Vice President position at their company,
but only one of them is able to get it.
•Unclear boundaries for behavior. Conflicts surface when
people lack a clear understanding of what constitutes appropriate behavior. Consider your environment—a joke that seems
hilarious around your friends might seem unfunny or even offensive at work.
•Unclear expectations. Would you be confused if your boss left a stack of papers
on your desk, said “Finish this,” and walked away? Probably. When you don’t know
what you’re supposed to do, or what someone else expects you to do, conflict can
occur. In this situation, you’ll need to ask some questions to figure out what your
boss wants.
•Inconsistent behavior. If your coworker Kendra is friendly one day and grumpy
the next, this can create a conflict. Her mood change can make it hard for you to
figure out what she expects from you. Remember that a person might be upset and
snap at you because s/he is frustrated about something unrelated to the conflict
at hand.
•Opposing/Competing situations. You can only be in one place at a time! If
you have an important doctor’s appointment scheduled for the same morning as a
big meeting at work, you’ve got a conflict on your hands.
•Exclusion. No one likes to be left out. If all of your coworkers went to lunch and
didn’t ask you, you’d probably feel a little excluded, which might lead to a conflict.
Conflict Is Good? Yeah, Right.
What if your boss leaves a stack of
papers with you and you don’t know
what you’re supposed to do? Unclear
expectations can cause conflict.
Most people associate the word “conflict” with war. Your own disagreements likely won’t
escalate that far, but if you don’t handle them well, you can still feel some of the negative
effects of conflict. These include:
•Frustration
•Health problems
•Distrust •Physical violence
•Broken relationships Stop the Madness
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3
Objective
But, believe it or not, conflict can be good—as long as it’s the right kind!
A “friendly debate” can help solve problems or make positive changes in the
workplace. This kind of conflict can produce positive effects such as:
•Personal motivation or drive. There’s definitely conflict between
two runners at a track meet. However, that conflict can motivate both
of them to run faster or perform better during the race. The same
thing can happen at work. Dana and Todd are salespeople working
for a large company. Every year, the company awards a cruise to the
salesperson earning the highest sales. Dana and Todd both really
want that cruise, so they’re extra motivated to be number one.
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Stages of Conflict
Recognizing the following stages of
conflict can help you cope with the
stress of a disagreement:
1. No conflict
2. Emergence: Conflict awareness realized
• Mental: Complaints and
differences recognized;
threats detected
• Physical: Rapid heart
rate, sweaty palms,
clenched fists or jaw
3. Escalation: Complaints aired
4. De-escalation: Options
discussed
5. Resolution achieved
Sometimes, conflict can be good! It can motivate two runners to
try harder and perform better during a race. Personal motivation
or drive can push people to do their best.
•Creativity. Let’s say you work in a small retail shop that sells women’s clothing. Your boss is upset that you haven’t been
selling many of a certain line of sweaters, and she’s blaming you. You feel that you’re trying your best and customers just don’t
like these sweaters. You and your boss sit down to brainstorm, and you decide to redesign the window display so the sweaters
will look more attractive to the customers. Sales actually increase! Without the conflict between you and your boss, you wouldn’t
have had the idea to change the display, and all of those sweaters would still be sitting in the store.
How Conflict Affects Business
Take a look at the different characteristics of functional and dysfunctional conflict. You can see that if a
business does not effectively address conflict, it can jeopardize the company’s resources.
Functional Conflict
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Dysfunctional Conflict
High level of cooperation
High level of apathy
High level of creativity
Low level of creativity
High level of adaptation
Low level of adaptation
High level of problem solving
Low level of problem solving
Optimal job performance
Poor job performance
Ability to move forward to meet the firm’s goals
Distractions lead to inefficient use of resources
(time, money, personnel)
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Stop the Madness
Objective
•Change in behavior or attitude. During her performance review, Emma was surprised when her boss
pointed out her frequent tardiness. The internal conflict
Emma felt encouraged her to get to work earlier. Her
change in behavior also reduced her external conflict
with her boss. Because she took the time and effort to
make improvements, she received a great payoff. At her
next performance review, her boss was so impressed
by her newfound punctuality that she received a raise
and a promotion.
Forcing. When a person uses force to end a conflict, physical
and/or emotional abuse is often involved. Bullying, physical fights,
obscene gestures, and insults don’t resolve conflict. They just
make the situation worse, and they might even get you in trouble.
While flipping someone the bird might seem satisfying in the
moment, it won’t seem so great when you’ve been reprimanded,
suspended, or even fired.
Getting in the Mode
There are many ways to react to conflict (although some
ways are better than others!). These reactions are called
conflict response modes. When you understand conflict
response modes, you can deal with the disagreement in
a more effective manner. Let’s look at some of the most
common response modes.
Ignoring/Withdrawal. Sometimes your first instinct is to
avoid confronting a person who hurt your feelings. While it’s
definitely tempting, ignoring a situation doesn’t make the conflict go away. To make things worse, when you spend all your
time worrying how to avoid someone else, you increase your
stress levels and negatively affect the quality of your work.
Yielding. Yielding means accommodating or “giving
in” by letting the other person have what s/he wants. For
example, you might want to go to a sandwich shop for lunch,
while your coworker wants Thai food. If you agree to go for
Thai, you’re giving up what you want so your coworker will
be happy. Yielding is often appropriate when the issue isn’t
very important.
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Resolving a conflict with bullying, physical fights, obscene gestures, or insults is a bad idea. Using force as a conflict resolution
mode usually just makes the situation worse.
Negotiating. When you negotiate, you try to persuade
someone to take your course of action. Sometimes this involves
a compromise. For example, if you want Maria to take over your
Saturday morning shift, you might offer to work for her on Tuesday
night. In some situations, the person using this conflict response
mode is more interested in getting what s/he wants than what the
other person needs or wants.
Corrine works in a small office. She enjoys all of her coworkers, and she’s always felt like a valuable part
of their team. One Monday morning, Corrine overhears her coworkers talking about a movie they went to
on Saturday night. She realizes that everyone in the office went to the movie…except for her. Corrine is
very hurt that her coworkers all got together and didn’t invite her. She starts to resent them and question
her importance to the team.
Corrine wants to tell her coworkers that their actions hurt her feelings. On the other hand, she thinks
that bringing the conflict up might just make things more awkward. “Maybe I shouldn’t rock the boat,”
she thinks glumly.
How do you think Corrine should handle the conflict she’s experiencing?
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Objective
Problem solving. A person who uses this
response mode looks at all sides of the issue,
and works with the other person to come up
with a resolution that is satisfactory for everyone
involved in the conflict.
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Summary
Everyone experiences conflict at work. Internal
conflict occurs within you, while external conflict
occurs with others. Functional conflict exists
when people disagree about something tangible
or concrete, and emotional conflict is a disagreement that involves differences in values, beliefs,
or experiences. Conflict happens for many reasons and can have positive or negative effects.
Because everyone handles conflict differently, it
is important to understand the conflict response
modes.
1. Describe the differences between functional conflict
and emotional conflict.
2. Identify eight reasons why conflict occurs.
3. How does conflict negatively affect the workplace?
4. What are the positive effects of conflict at work?
5. What are the key characteristics of the five conflict
response modes?
6. Give an example of each of the five conflict response modes.
Objective
Conflict Undone
It’s not like any of us want to have a major disagreement with our coworkers,
supervisors, or customers. But most of us experience conflict at some point, so
it’s important to learn how to deal with it. Conflict resolution is the process of
resolving, or ending, a conflict. If you follow these simple steps, you can learn
how to effectively resolve the disagreements that come your way.
Acknowledge the conflict. You can’t fix a problem if you don’t know you
have one! Once you recognize, or admit, that there is a disagreement, you can
begin taking action to resolve it. For example, if your coworker ignores you
when you speak to her in the employees’ break room, you’ll know a conflict
probably exists.
Define the conflict. You’ve acknowledged the conflict, so now you need to
examine it. Start by writing down the words, “who, why, what, when, where, and
how.” Then, answer the questions from your point of view. When you are finished
answering the questions, you can review the information and identify the best
way to approach the person with whom you are in conflict. Let’s look at the six
key questions in more detail.
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The first step towards resolving your conflict is
acknowledging that it exists. If a coworker is ignoring
you, you know you have a conflict on your hands.
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•Who is experiencing the conflict? The response to this question
provides information about the relationship and its importance. If the
conflict is with a coworker, you should probably be pretty concerned
about the relationship. After all, you work next to him/her every day.
If the conflict is with a Starbucks barista you’ll never see again, you
might not be as concerned.
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Stop the Madness
Objective
•W
hy is the conflict occurring? The answer to this question
provides the reason for the disagreement. Maybe the conflict
is due to opposing or competing situations. For example, you
want to go to the dance on Saturday night, but your boss has
scheduled you to work.
FACTORS THAT
INFLUENCE CONFLICT OUTCOMES
• Importance of relationship. The more important the relationship, the more important it is to
reach an agreement.
• Importance of issue. If the issue is important to
you, resolving the conflict is important, too.
• Level of cooperation. How willing are you to work
with the other person to resolve the conflict?
• Location and timing. Loud public places and
time constraints can keep you from reaching a
resolution with the other person.
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You have a conflict if you want to go to the dance on Saturday
night but you’re scheduled to work. If you and your boss can
negotiate, you might be able to make it to the dance after all.
• Behavior patterns. How you and the other
person generally behave can affect a conflict
resolution. Does the other person usually react
in an assertive, aggressive, or passive manner?
And, how do you usually respond?
•What is the conflict about? Although this is closely tied to the why, this question gets to the heart of the conflict by defining
the core issue and its level of importance. Using our previous example, the conflict is about your plans for Saturday night. The
dance is very important to you—you have a date, you bought your ticket, and you even made reservations to go to dinner first
with your friends! Your boss, on the other hand, needs someone in the store on Saturday night.
•When and where did the conflict occur? The answers to these questions often provide facts or concrete information about the
conflict. Pinpointing the when and where of an incident might help you later if you need to provide facts or examples during
the next stage of the conflict.
•How should you respond to the conflict? This can be a tough question to answer because many factors are often involved. You
can consider your answers to the previous questions, the other person’s typical conflict response mode, and your own conflict
response mode. In the dance example, you and your boss might use the negotiation response mode to reach a compromise.
If you promise to find another employee to cover your shift on Saturday night, you might be able to make it to the dance. Your
boss gets someone to work on Saturday, and you get to have a fun night with your friends—it’s a win-win!
Confront the conflict. Pick an appropriate time and place to discuss the conflict with the other person(s).
Keep the following in mind:
•If you are meeting with more than one person, it’s a good idea to establish boundaries or guidelines before beginning the
discussion. Each person should have the opportunity to express his/her feelings and opinions without judgment. Try to clarify
what the group is trying to accomplish and why.
•Approach the issue as a problem that you want to solve together. Ask for the other person’s opinion, and find out how s/he
thinks the conflict can be resolved.
•Be calm and objective. If you start out your negotiation by yelling, “This is a dumb idea, and I can’t believe you expect me to
go for it,” you’ll probably offend the other person. You don’t want him/her to become defensive or feel threatened. Keep your
cool and you’ll show the other person that you value her/his opinions.
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7
Objective
•Take responsibility for your own actions. If you yelled at or
insulted your coworker, you should admit you were wrong
and apologize. You may have messed up, but your apology
will show the coworker that you take his/her feelings (and
your negotiation) seriously.
•Focus on the behavior, rather than on the person. We all
make mistakes. By separating your feelings about a person’s
behavior from your overall feelings about the person, you are
more likely to resolve the conflict in a positive, objective way.
•Avoid using “You” statements such as, “You aren’t pulling
your weight, so we’re going to blow this sales presentation.”
“You” statements tend to place blame and fault on the other
person. As a result, the other person tends to become defensive
and angry, which only makes conflict resolution harder.
•Use clear, appropriate language, and speak in a respectful
tone of voice. Use “I” statements to convey your beliefs,
perceptions, and feelings. For example, it’s best to say, “I feel
that we aren’t going to be ready for our sales presentation
if we keep moving at this pace.” •Ask for feedback, and listen. Verify your understanding by
summarizing the other person’s comments or by asking
additional questions. For example, “You feel like you have
too many responsibilities on your plate. Is that correct?”
•Do not allow someone to get verbally or physically abusive. Sometimes walking away and cooling off is the best
solution. If someone starts yelling and using inappropriate
language, do not stoop to his/her level. It usually makes a
bad situation worse and can result in physical violence.
Define the resolution. Okay, so you’ve evaluated the
pros and cons of each option. Now for the hard part—deciding on a resolution. This might involve compromising on
some points. Make sure you confirm and understand each
person’s expectations and responsibilities once you reach
your resolution, or else you’ll end up right back where you
started!
You won’t always be able to reach an agreement, though.
In this situation, go ahead and take a break. If you distance
yourself from the situation for a bit, you might find it easier
to focus and eventually resolve the issue.
If you’re really stuck, you might try bringing in a neutral
third party. This process is called mediation. Mediation might
involve asking your supervisor for input, and in some cases,
going to the company’s human resources department for formal intervention. Some companies have peer mediation committees that help employees resolve their conflicts. Because
policies vary, make sure that you know how your employer
prefers to handle these types of situations.
Sure, life would be a lot easier if we all agreed on everything, but conflict is a part of life. You can’t avoid it, but you
can manage it. And, if you handle it well, you can learn and
grow from the experience.
Summary
You can work through a series of simple steps to resolve a
conflict at work. The steps for conflict resolution are acknowledging the conflict; defining the conflict; confronting the
conflict; discussing possible resolutions; and defining the
resolutions. Some conflicts require mediation, which is input
from a neutral third party.
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iStockphoto/Thinkstock
When confronting a conflict, it’s important to stay calm,
focus on the behavior, and use appropriate language. Never
allow someone to get physically or verbally abusive!
Discuss possible resolutions. In order for this step to
work, both parties need to get involved. Try to find the common
ground between you and the other person. There’s got to be something you two agree on, right? Maybe you both want your customer
to walk away happy. Use this as a starting point for brainstorming
resolution ideas. Once you have a few possible solutions, look at
the strengths and weaknesses of each one.
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1. Identify the five steps to conflict resolution.
2. What are the questions that you should ask
yourself as you define a conflict?
3. What are the key points that you should
consider when you confront a conflict?
4. How do businesses use mediation to resolve
conflict?
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