Podcast 12: Barbara Leventhal:
“What Your Child Needs to Be Happy”
Pam Hardy:
Joining us today is Barbara Leventhal from Boca Raton, Florida. She is an educational
consultant and has sent several families to Hyde. Barbara, thank you for doing this.
Would you please tell our listeners how you got into the field of educational consulting?
Barbara:
Sure. I became an educational consultant luckily five or six years ago after having
worked in school and a variety of positions. Of course like most consultants, I started
out as a classroom teacher. I got my master's degree as a reading specialist so I have a
background in working with children who have learning differences. From there, the
trajectory was to administrator. I was a division director at a boarding school and other
independent schools in Miami. Then when I moved to Boca Raton to be close to my
family, I realized that I probably wasn't going to walk into town and just get that kind of
job back without knowing anyone so I decided to open my own office. I use my
background as a reading specialist and focused on middle and high school students
particularly on study skills and organizational skills, time management, what learning
specialist call executive function skills, what parents say is, "Oh, my God. We need you."
From there, once I started working with middle school kids, it wasn't long before they
were in high school and their parents were saying, "Can you help us with college? You
know my child better than anyone." That's how I ended up in the seat.
Pam Hardy:
How long ago with that would you say?
Barbara:
Ten years ago, maybe more, probably twelve years ago.
Pam Hardy:
How did you hear first year about Hyde?
Barbara:
I heard about Hyde when I was working as assistant director or director of a middle
school in Miami. It was my sad job to be the person to conference with parents who's
children were being asked to leave for a variety of reasons.
Pam Hardy:
I believe that the school they were in you mean?
Barbara:
They were being counseled out and I was the person who was doing that. I made the
acquaintance of an absolutely sensational, independent educational consultant in Miami
whose name is Martha Moses. I referred families to her and every family left feeling
empowered rather than feeling hurt or angry.
Pam Hardy:
That's amazing that the school had someone like you to counsel the family because
when that happened to us, it was like good luck with no recommendations.
1
Barbara:
It wasn't that the school had someone, it's that's how I decided to handle it.
Pam Hardy:
Oh, you took it on.
Barbara:
As a division director, it was my job to conference with the family and tell them that
their child wasn't succeeding. When it was decided that they were not going to have
contracts renewed, I felt that as a person who cared about kids, it's really important not
just how they are when they're with you but how you leave them. I wanted to leave the
families and the kids that I worked with whole and complete. Even though whatever
setting I was in, that might not have been the right place for them. That doesn't mean
that the child was bad or wrong or uneducable or discouragable. They could as long as
they got the right fit, be successful somewhere else but maybe not in the middle year
that this family had chosen originally. I think very often, parents are attracted to the
schools that have the biggest reputation in their area. I was making the analogy for
parents about fancy shoes.
I happen to really like those beautiful shoes that have the red bottoms. The thing is, if I
bought ... It's not that I couldn't afford a pair, I could. If I wear them, my feet are going
to hurt. Eventually, I'll have blisters which could lead to me being crippled down the
road because my feet are wide and the shoes are narrow. In the same way, sometimes
when your child is in a school that's the wrong fit, you're actually hurting them. They
end up crippled because they stop doing the homework, they act out in class. They
become distracted and they're just they're turned off. There's no benefit in buying a
name brand if that's not the right fit for you.
Pam Hardy:
What a great analogy. Barbara, what do you think most parents today worry about
when it comes to their teens education? Do you find there's a theme?
Barbara:
I think that typically when you say to a parent ... I usually asks the parents in the
interview. Every parent has a dream for their child. What is your dream? Sometimes
parents talk about that they have a family business. They'd like to see the child
eventually grow up and become part of the family business. Most often, parents tell me
they just want their child to be happy. As much as that's a universal ideal because I see
international families and they want the same for their children as I wanted my kids to
be happy. The thing that most parents don't realize is that in order for your child to be
happy, he or she also needs to be productive and have a sense of self and a direction.
They need to have interest. They need to have values. They need to have leadership
skills. They need to have initiative and motivation. Very often, parents don't know how
to instill those things in the formative years. When I'm talking about the formative
years, really it's middle school because very few parents encounter difficulty with their
kids in primary, in the elementary school area.
Occasionally, a kid is highly impulsive and the setting may not be the right setting for
that child. Usually where parents noticed that the kids are turned off is in middle school.
Once they're turned off, then there's a myriad of problems that develop which worry
parents. Girls can start ... I guess girls and boys today, you have eating disorders. You
have kids that are hurting themselves through cutting or other dangerous behaviors. In
2
Florida, kids get driver's license at a very early age. You can get a learner's permit at
fifteen and a license at sixteen. Kids are often are speeding or just in other ways
distracted when they're in the car and parents are afraid about that. They're afraid of
date child's friends, if they feel that they're not holding their child accountable and
they're blaming his associates or her associates. I think they're afraid of the sort of the
typical teenage pitfalls. I believe that most of those come when kids are disengaged in
learning. When a child is happy and feel good about himself or herself, there's less
likelihood that those problems will occur.
Pam Hardy:
You've mentioned disengaged, do you have any particular advise for parents how to
help their kids get engaged?
Barbara:
I think that one of the most important things is for the kids to feel that they can come to
their parents and that parents would be part of a team. I think typically what happened
to ... It certainly was what happened for me. I was a working parent and by the time I
picked up my kids after a day of being director of a middle school in Miami and driving
probably forty-five minutes to an hour and a half on the expressway, then I have to go
back and pick up my kids at their school, the kids were hungry. They were tired. They
had homework to do and I was just as tired. I got up at 4:30 in the morning. I think some
nights I probably didn't have the energy to sit by someone's side when they were asking
me for my help. I think that's one of the critical things that just because your child is in
middle school or in high school, if you want to see them engaged, you need to be
engaged in the things that are important to them. If you say that school is important to
you, then sometimes what it takes is helping that youngster to get organized.
I would say that modelling those behaviors at home and setting up a system at home for
organization is vital to the success and the engagement of the child. What I'm talking
about is simple things. For example, putting a large calendar in a place that's visible to
both parent and child. I usually say the refrigerator in the kitchen because everyone
goes there several times a day. Starting with the calendar, typically today, most kids
have their assignments from their schools online, either through Edline or some other
commercial vehicle that operates like Edline, where the teachers put the assignments
on and sometimes you can see. At some schools, you're able to see whether the
students turned in their homework or not, their tests and quiz scores and other types of
evaluations. One of the things that I recommend is that the family get a big calendar and
put it on the refrigerator. Start by using that calendar for two weeks out. Put all of the
assignments that are on Edline, not the nightly work but tests, quizzes and project
deadlines on the calendar so that both the parent and the student will recognize that
there are important things during the next two weeks.
In the same way, I encourage the parents to put events on the calendar that are
important to them or that can't be moved. For example, grandparents are coming to
town this weekend. If that coincides with the ACT, both the parents and the child know
that at the moment, the ACT is the priority and grandma and grandpa will have to wait
till that's over. In the reverse, if the child has a huge term paper and the grandparents
are travelling from some distance to come see the family that weekend, then kids need
to plan their work so that they have time to have breakfast pr lunch or dinner or
whatever the expectation is for that special event. I think that's one tangible way that
3
families can work together to stand, help on deadlines and homeworks and social
expectations. I think that another thing that's really important is that parents can
encourage kids to have good study habits by modelling themselves. I usually
recommend that parents help their kids create a to do list every night before they go to
bed. It can be on their phone.
For a lot of kids who are disorganized, it's better for them to keep a list and the notes on
their phone because they're not going to lose, chances are that less likely to lose the
phone than to lose a slip of paper that they make [inaudible 00:12:50]. For me, I actually
like having ... I do keep my phone as my Bible. I actually like having a paper list because I
love crossing things off my list. Again, I carry a purse and it's easy for me to keep things
organized so some our kids not so easy. It can be on their phone. It can be on the note
card. It can be on a piece of paper. I think it's a great exercise if both parent and child sit
down every evening after dinner or before dinner or before bed and both of them write
their to do list for the next day. When the kid comes home the next day, anything that
was not done goes on to the next day's list. Hopefully, they have lots of things that
they're able to cross out.
Pam Hardy:
These I suppose are great ideas. I love them both.
Barbara:
I think those are some ways that parents can model and engage their child in good
organizing behaviors. I think there are other things like ... One of the things that I usually
recommend to families is to be proactive with the homework. There are lots of online
support tools for students. One of the ones that's most popular and it's free is Quizlet,
Q-U-I-Z-L-E-T. I would describe it to you as an online flash card program. It's really much
more than that because what I usually tell the kid is to be proactive. When the teacher
assigns you to read the chapter, there are always terms that are either bold or
highlighted or they give you vocabulary list on the side. In history books typically in the
history book, before you start the chapter, there are lists of terms. If you go to the
chapter, those terms are bold, as you read them along in the chapter and very often, the
definitions follows the bold term. If not, there's usually a glossary in the back of the
book.
What I usually recommend is while you're reading the chapter, if you only have to read
five pages for homework, there's probably not more than five terms on those five pages.
Go to Quizlet, start a chapter review and list the term and the definition while you're
reading so that those five terms that you come across while you're reading will be in
your Quizlet. Then you're there electronically, they never get lost. You don't lost the
paper cards. You don't lose the notebook. You don't lost the paper that was written on.
Everything is neat and well organized. The Quizlet has different presentation formats.
You can review them as typical flash cards. Just see the term and then you'll come up
with the definition or just the definition and you figure out the term. It will generate
multiple choice quizzes or you can generate a quiz that has true and false questions. It
also generates a matching where you can, where the term and the definition will be
scattered on the desk. You just pick up electronically the card that matches the
definition and place them together. It operate any times itself so it operates like a game
which is really terrific when the kids are in the process of acquiring those terms.
4
I think that's something that is fun for kids and parents. You can do that together. It's
also a way to create a study guide which I recommend that kids do as their going
through the chapters, particularly for things like history. What I usually recommend to
the kid is that they create notes in one of these online programs in Quizlet or any other
program. The notes for history should be worded as a question where you typically
would put the term. Instead of writing mayflower compact, instead write a question,
why is the mayflower compact significant? Then on the right hand side where typically
you would write the definition, you list whatever evidence or support the teacher gave
in the classroom. I might have written down, why would the mayflower compact
important? Then on this section where I would write the answer. It describes the system
of representative government to be used by the colonies. Finally, the third thing is, I
always tell the kids, but the part that's important on an essay test is what's the impact
of that? What conclusion can you draw? That's the part where most students are weak.
They very often are good notetakers and can write down a recall from their notes, what
the teacher said about why the mayflower compact was important. Sometimes they
need help to synthesize or draw a conclusion about, so what? That when kid, when you
say to a child was the impact. What you really think then, so what? I think that's where
parents can get involved and help them determine the impact. In the event that the
parent is unavailable or not able to do so, that's the perfect place to go back to class the
next day and say, "I was revealing our notes about or discussion yesterday on the
mayflower compact. I know that it was important because it was a system of
representative governmment that the colonies used. I'm not really sure that I
understood what the impact is. In that way, they go back, they're engaged. The teachers
thinks well of them and the student has a good shortcut. The teacher is going to say,
"Oh. It was significant because ..." and the child writes that down and goes back to their
study guide when they get home and fill it in.
Pam Hardy:
That's fantastic. The child has made an impression on the teacher.
Barbara:
Yes. Those are some of my tips about engagement.
Pam Hardy:
That's fantastic.
Barbara:
Like any other good educator I would say, if your child's not engaged, one of the
problems might be where he or she is seated in the classroom. If they're in the back
moving up to the front row, if they're by a window, get them away from the window
and sort of in the center so that the teacher can have real, clear eye contact with the
student.
Pam Hardy:
Do you find that when parents intrude like that and the classroom with the teacher that
the teacher is receptive?
Barbara:
I think that any teacher who gives a parent's concrete suggestions as an intrusion is not
a conscientious and professional teacher. When someone says, "I'm concerned about
my child looking out the window. Would it be possible for him or her to sit in the front
row?" There's no teacher who's conscientious will be as that as an intrusion.
5
Pam Hardy:
I asked that because so often we find families come to Hyde with a disillusioned mind
between themselves and the school that they're coming from. They feel like there's a
lack of partnership.
Barbara:
I think that comes from frustration. As an independent educational councilor, I end up
hearing both sides of it. Very often, things are referred to me through school
administrators who are kind of at the end of the rope, they're done whatever it is they
can do, given the mission of their school and they haven't been able to reach the child.
Sometimes it's the other way around. Parents call because their child is not succeeding
in perhaps a public school setting or another school setting and they're at the
frustration point. I think that very often when people are frustrated, whether it's the
professional side or the parent side or the students, that every often we don't present
our best selves, that the frustration speaks instead of the heart speaking.
Pam Hardy:
Right. Probably from a place of a bit of fear.
Barbara:
Yes. When you're in that position, parents are defensive and often make it sound like,
"You did this. You did that." When you're blaming someone else, then they respond
defensively and you don't have much communication. When you start with an I'm
message; I'm concerned about my child who seems disengaged. I know he sits by the
windows. Would it be possible?" You have a partner now and the teacher. Teachers say,
"No. I didn't realize that he was drifting. There's thirty-five kids in my class. I would be
happy to have them in the front row. By that way, I'd be happy to give him a job in my
classroom."
Pam Hardy:
Those are great tips, great advise. Thanks, Barbara. Back to Hyde, just for a second
before we close. Do you find that the families that you've sent there come back to you
with comments? What's been your experience about the families that you've sent to
Hyde?
Barbara:
I think the biggest changes that I have seen have been in individual students. I'm
thinking of a particular boy who's at Hyde now. He seems to really have had
opportunities to shine in the Hyde community that he did not have when he was living
here in Boca Raton. I saw video of him dancing in a production. This kid is extremely
artistic. If you would have told me that he had done all of the scenery for the
production, I would have been impressed but not surprised. To see him dancing and he
actually was the one in the middle in the front, which really spoke…because I knew this
kid for years. I worked with him on his homework and study skills when he was a
younger boy through middle school and up through most of high school before he left to
go to Hyde. I never knew that he could dance. I think that the community at Hyde is
wonderful at embracing kids and giving kids opportunity to be their best selves and even
to discover a part of themselves that they may not have known was there.
Pam Hardy:
I agree. Thank you. In closing, what would you like people to know about your firm or
your business?
Barbara:
My office.
6
Pam Hardy:
Yeah, your office, where you're located, how people can reach you, your website.
Anything you've written in, anything you want them to know about you. We want to
help promote you as well.
Barbara:
I guess what I want people to know about me is that I love what I do.
Pam Hardy:
I could tell.
Barbara:
Everybody who knows me would say that that's true. My office is at home and I wanted
it that way. After a whole day or after a tough day at school, I didn't want the kids to go
to an office that looked like an extension of a school classroom. The kids will tell you
that I do conduct myself in many ways as the school principal that I was. When they
come to my office, they're mostly high school students now because college placement
is probably the bulk of my practice. I also see middle school kids to help them work on
their study skills and time management skills. Very often I see younger kids, usually
parents of younger kids to help place them in various places in the community. I don't
know how the kids to use language, that's not what I call school approved and it's kind
of one of the jokes in my office.
If someone makes a mistake and sweeps, they know that they need to clean that up.
What I always tell them is you need to set an example for other students. Even though
this is not a school, I represent your school and I expect that those rules of language will
be observed. The kids made fun of me. A lot of times they imitate me but it's rare that
anyone curses in my office. The only time honestly that I can remember in the last three
years is when someone actually put a staple in their finger by mistake. That was a
threat.
Pam Hardy:
You're pushing them to their best even in your office.
Barbara:
Yeah. My office looks like well, I guess it looks like any clinical office. All the school books
are on one side, all the reading specialist books are on another side. I have a special
section where I have all the reading kits. My office was actually built for this purpose at
home. There's a comfortable couch and three office size chairs and three computers.
Sometimes the kids like to sit on the coach with their laptops. Other times they sit at the
desk usually when they're doing Math homework. When they come in, downstairs in my
kitchen, I have a box of cookies and juice and softdrinks or drinks, most kids drink water
nowadays. Whenever they comes in, they grab a snack. They come upstairs in my office
and they get working. I used to say that misery loves company. Even though it maybe
miserable that you have to get started on your homework, the fact that other busy
people are here and working, makes the environment industrious. I think that's really
good for the kids.
Pam Hardy:
That sounds fantastic.
Barbara:
[inaudible 00:27:44]in Boca Raton, Florida.
Pam Hardy:
Okay. Website?
7
Barbara:
My website is www.educonsulting, E-D-U-C-O-N-S-U-L-T-I-N-G.info.
Pam Hardy:
Any blogs, anything you've published that our listeners could ...
Barbara:
I do have a blog and the current article on the blog ... I just started blogging because this
is a brand new website. My old website did not have space or a blog. Currently, I think
the blog that's up is about tips for choosing a kindergarten.
Pam Hardy:
Okay.
Barbara:
This month the blog is going to be about study skills.
Pam Hardy:
Great. Anything else you want to add before we close?
Barbara:
Yes. I would say the most important tip that I could give to parents is don't wait until the
junior year to get serious about college admission. The most important time to really
think about it is when your child is not involved in the process. When your child is
younger and they have an interest, it's to encourage that interest. To take that interest
and turn it into something that connects to the real world and that's the best
preparation there is.
Pam Hardy:
It was a great interview with Barbara Leventhal. I could have listened to her for a much
longer time. It's pretty clear she does love what she does. She gave a lot of parenting
tips. Among the many, three that stood out for me were most parents just want their
kids to be happy and there's nothing wrong with that, but most parents don't realized
that to truly be happy, we have to help our kids develop a productive sense of self and
some directions in their lives. She advocated a calendar on the refrigerator with
upcoming events and deadlines for both parents and kids in the family. She describes
why this is important and what she feels it accomplishes. She describes how she helps
students tackle assignments and the most important question they should be prepared
to answer on an essay assignment.
The PS, Barbara called me right after the interview saying she was sorry that she didn't
say more about the family program at Hyde. She like that parents being involved in their
children's schooling to taking your kids to the dentist. She said the dentist fixes the
cavities but if the home regime isn't changed, there will be more cavities. She said and
Hyde does this. They work with families so there are changes in the home making
changes for the students long lasting. Again, many thanks to Barbara Leventhal.
8