Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
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DEFINITION OF LOVE IN THIS ARTICLE.
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The Greeks defined love in four categories:
Agape love is unconditional love. It is love by "choice" even if
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you are not pleased. A good example is "God loves us with our
faults."
Philia love is the dispassionate virtuous love, guided by our likes
or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
Storge is the word for family love and the physical show of
"affection", the need for physical touch. Sometimes the love
between exceptional friends.
Eros is the physical "sexual" desire, intercourse. It is the root
word of erotic, and eroticism.
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PSYCHOLOGIST’S DEFINITION.
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Define love like a psychologist: Break love into three components:
Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the
physical side.
Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of
friendship.
Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples
willing to work it out?
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Once on a time….
The prince is on a white horse….
The princess is in a ball gown being totally obsessed by the
prince….
This is the usual storybook ending for couples. To many
romantic stories and fairy tales, we see the woman and man
responding to love. We may see the couple argue and part
ways. Then just before the Wedding Day, they make up and all
their friends are wishing them happiness. Then they are off to
their honeymoon. The story will end, but that is just when the
story begins.
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THE START OF LOVE…

Expressing love may start as flirting with smiles, winks and maybe even
kissing, but it is usually infatuation at this point, approaching with curiosity
by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more
about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many
possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become
of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.

Thrill as the person in love having little else of such interest in the real
world, food may taste bland, concentrating has become a serious mental
struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking
or even simply sitting or lying while musing about the person seems a most
engaging thing to do.
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This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home,
especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with
whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.
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CHEMISTRY IS UNCONSCIOUS.
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How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and
physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
— Albert Einstein
CHEMISTRY IS as a strong attraction that includes love, lust, infatuation,
and a desire to be involved intimately with someone. Chemistry is emotional
desire for relationship. It is outside of the realm of reason. With it, you may
be attracted to someone who you know, intellectually, is not good for you.
Without it, you may be with someone you respect but are not attracted to
that person. At best, you can have both chemistry and love; at worst, you
may have chemistry and misery or no chemistry and misery. Regardless your
definition, chemistry is unconscious; we don’t “choose” who we’re attracted
to. Even so, we aren’t helpless. We can do much to understand and manage
it.
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CHEMISTRY VS
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LOVE
Do you have to have chemistry for a successful relationship? No, but don’t
fool yourself into thinking you will learn to love someone. Yes, it’s possible;
but if you aren’t attracted to her, you may come to resent your decision. Be
honest with yourself; do not choose a relationship primarily because “she’s
a good person.” This is a formula for disaster. On the other hand, if the
attraction isn’t there, it can grow. Many times people grow to love one
another as they get to know each other better.
Because it’s unconscious, searching for chemistry in a relationship is a hitand-miss proposition. You can find it, but you’ll have to be patient. How will
you know you’ve found it? You won’t be arguing with yourself whether or not
you love him. If it’s a debate, then either the chemistry is missing or he’s a
poor partner for you.
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FIRST “REAL” LOVE
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Think back to your first "real" love; the one that made you feel complete and
whole just being in their presence. The one that you never questioned was
the right one for you because you simply "knew" they were. Very likely this is
the one who started this whole fireworks thing. This is the one who set our
expectations so high.

I do believe that our first real love is always the most potent. It consumes us
and everything else in its way, and it is G-L-O-R-I-O-U-S........no doubt about it.
Yet with it usually comes that first heartache, and how gut-wrenching and
life consuming is that? This is the time that I believe is the beginning of the
end of our loving in a natural and unencumbered way.
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FIRST HEARTBREAK
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This first heartbreak changes us. We, at the very core of ourselves have just
experienced something so deeply profound through this experience that we
can't help but become altered to one degree or another. When you think
about, it's not really that different than any other life experience, in that we
are changed in the end because of having experienced it all.
So as we continue to look for that same feeling in a new love, we can't find it
because the way in which we give and receive love has been altered
permanently. I believe that even if the "perfect" person were to stumble
upon us, we couldn't love them like we loved the first time, because we are
now different people, who love in a very different way.
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TIME IS THE HEALER FOR LOST LOVE.

Deeply in love it is thought that one can only be really in love with one person at a
time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which
some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one
source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling of love in two
sources: "twice-at-once" sounds impossible!
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Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that
it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the
throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak.
The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of
love sickness, or in some cases where love isn't present, influenza.
Endure for a time. Time does seem to be the only healer in the case of lost love. The
full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship,
and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single
party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret
love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of
mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
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LOVE IS PATIENT.

Once found, you’ll have to be patient again – or you may make a mistake
you’ll deeply regret. Chemistry isn’t the end-all, be-all solution it may appear
to be. Because it’s unconscious, feeling deeply attracted to someone can be
a result of childhood issues you’re unaware of or haven’t resolved. A big red
flag is when you see a problem in your partner and you tell yourself things
like, “This isn’t such a big deal; I can handle this,” or “I know he has a
problem, but he’s working on it,” or “He really loves me; I’m sure we’ll work it
out.” Ignore these problems now and you’ll have much bigger ones to
contend with later.

Love is characterized by the desire to want good things for that person no
matter what. And you're willing to work out your problems together. And you
can hardly breathe when you're around them. Even though you may see
them all the time or hardly ever, it's as if you get that rush of what you felt
when you got your first kiss
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LOVE IS ACTION.
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
The “high” of new love rarely lasts more than a couple years. Once over,
you’ll need to replace it with something more substantial: caring, respect,
forgiveness, and an ability to communicate. These things can be learned,
but you’ll have to work hard at them. Some may be difficult skills for you to
master. You can definitely do it; roll up your sleeves and get to work!
Can you recreate lost love? Yes! In order to do so you must have one
essential ingredient – willingness on the part of both people involved. My
experience with couples is once a person has “given up,” has decided in his
heart he no longer wants the relationship, the chances of rekindling love are
minimal. You don’t have to have a lot of willingness; faith the size of a
“mustard seed” can be enough. Counseling to help resolve underlying
problems and to motivate you can be helpful. Keep the faith!
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DEFINITION OF KINDNESS
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In philosophy
According to book two of Aristotle's "Rhetoric" it is one of the (see list of emotions), which is
defined as being "helpfulness towards some one in need, not in return for anything, nor for the
advantage of the helper himself, but for that of the person helped".[1]
Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche argued that kindness and love are the "most curative herbs
and agents in human intercourse".[2]
Kindness is considered to be one of the Knightly Virtues.
In religion
It is considered to be one of the seven virtues, specifically the one of the Seven Contrary
Virtues (direct opposites of the seven deadly sins) that is the direct opposite to envy.[3]
The Talmud claims that "deeds of kindness are equal in weight to all the commandments."
Paul of Tarsus characterizes love as being "patient and kind..." (I Corinthians).
It is listed as one of the Christian Fruits of the Spirit by Paul of Tarsus in his Letter to the
Galatians 5:22, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
In Buddhism, one of the Ten Perfections (Paramitas) is Mettā, which is usually translated into
English as "loving-kindness". Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama wrote "my religion is kindness"
and authored a book entitled "Kindness, Clarity, and Insight".[4]
Confucius urges his followers to "recompense kindness with kindness."
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DEFINITION OF KINDNESS
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In psychoanalysis
Analysts warn that 'real kindness changes people in the doing of it, often in
unpredictable ways. Real kindness is an exchange with essentially
unpredictable consequences'.
They also argue that, in a relationship, 'real kindness, real fellow-feeling,
entails hating and being hated - that is, really feeling available frustrations and through this coming to a more real relationship'.
In literature
It has been suggested that 'most of Shakespeare's opus could be
considered a study of human kindness'.
Robert Louis Stevenson considered that 'the essence of love is kindness;
and indeed it may best be defined as passionate kindness: kindness, so to
speak, run mad and become importunate and violent'.
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LOVE IS A VALUE THAT GUIDES THE FUTURE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Love/Joy
Comes from being able
To continue something
That you want to keep.
This gives openness,
Esteem, and confidence.
HOPE
Comes from being able
To change something
That you do not want.
This gives cooperation,
Vision, and determination.
FEAR
Comes from being unable
To keep something
That you want to have.
This brings withdrawal,
Escape, and paralysis.
RAGE
Comes from being unable
To stop something
That you do not want.
This brings depression,
Panic, and destruction.
This eternal possibility is a gift, not just dedication;
you have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness.
Desire is the want of more and is unfillable,
not to be confused with Love which is joy and contentment.
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Patience is first and foremost a matter of love. This specific fruit
of love is rooted in our love to God. Patience is a virtue connected
with God’s dealings with man by covenant. The promises of God are
being fulfilled across the pages of human history. Patience is a
process in stages over time. Patience is covenant (commitment)
making and covenant (commitment) keeping. And this does not just
involve physical but also emotional and spiritual.
What does this mean? It means to wait for your covenant partner
to keep his/her promises in a way, time and place that he/she
chooses. This means to wait calmly without complaining.
God makes covenant with us and since we are called to imitate those
who in faith and in patience inherit what has been promised.
(Reference Hebrews 6:12). Abraham waited for the son of promise
for twenty-five years. (Reference Gen. 12:4-7 and Jn. 18:56).
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PATIENT
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“We accept tribulation, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and
perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not
disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by
the HOLY SPIRIT who was given to us.” Romans 5: 3-5.
Love is patient. When we talk about the difficulty of demonstrating
patience we may be focusing on the areas within ourselves where we are still
wallowing in selfishness. Love is patient. It doesn’t try to be patient, it just
is. Paul isn’t saying here that love should be patient. The practical
application of this fact is this: If we find ourselves struggling to be patient
in our relationships; struggling and failing to demonstrate this patience, let
us respond by going to the heart of the matter. Lack of patience is a
symptom of a deeper problem, which is a lack of love. Love cannot be
produced in some warm fuzzy place in our heart. Instead, love is placed in
our hearts by the One who is Love. When we see our lack, let us go to
Him. Our love for Him will grow if we draw near to Him. When we see His
patience for us, it will echo in our hearts in the form of patience for
others.
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WHAT IS PATIENCE?
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One friend said this: “Love raises its voice sweetly when the spouse can’t
hear the first time — and second time…” This is an example of how a
person can show grace with regard to another’s humanity. This friend refers
to her husband’s hearing difficulties, but the same principle applies with
regard to any physical affliction, and even to what we might see as
personality flaws. The grace exhibited by a patient heart cannot be faked, at
least not for very long. It isn’t a matter of squelching feelings of impatience,
but rather an outpouring of abundant grace that comes from a heart filled
with love. Any of us who are married have spouses that are human, flawed,
and if they are believers, they are also the beneficiaries of God’s loving
patience. This is the same patience that is showed to us, so let us follow the
example of Christ.
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WHAT IS PATIENCE?
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
Another friend answered the question this way: “It’s the reason
Tom and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary next
month!” This is a demonstration of the power of patience brought
forth from a heart of love. Twenty-five years is a long time to
persist at anything. Marriage, like most relationships, provides
opportunities to exercise patience. There are still examples in
this world of ours where people have continued in patience and
endurance for more than fifty years. The people in these
marriages have learned to show patience. Another word that
comes to my mind is faithfulness. Not just the kind of
faithfulness that relates to moral purity, but also the kind of
faithfulness that continues to do what is right.
Often, patience is about the little things in life. It seems easier
to be a hero every once in a while than it does to do what is
right, in the little things, today.
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ROBERT STERNBERG THEORY OF LOVE
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The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist
Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, "the three
components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy
component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment
component."[1]
Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness,
connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and
sexual attraction.
Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to
remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and
plans made with that other.
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ROBERT STERNBERG THEORY OF LOVE
Liking
Intimacy
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Romantic Love
Passion + Intimacy
Consummate Love
Love +
Intimacy +
Passion+
Commitment.
Infatuation
Passion
Infatuation Love
Companionate
Intimacy &
Commitment
Empty Love
Commitment
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STAGES OF LOVE
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"The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of
these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on
their strengths relative to each other."[2] Different stages and types of love
can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for
example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an
adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single
element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.

The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle,
interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form
seven different kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The
size of the triangle functions to represent the "amount" of love - the bigger
the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to
represent the "style" of love, which may vary over the course of the
relationship.
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FLOW OF LOVE
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The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact
with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven different
kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle
functions to represent the "amount" of love - the bigger the triangle, the greater
the love. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the "style" of love,
which may vary over the course of the relationship:
Nonlove "refers simply to the absence of all three components of love. Nonlove
characterizes the large majority of our personal relationships, which are simply
casual interactions."[3]
Liking/friendship is "used here in a nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set
of feelings one experiences in relationships that can truly be characterized as
friendship. One feels closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other,
without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment."[4]
Infatuated love: "infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal
in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment...like Tennov's limerance."[
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FLOW OF LOVE
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Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic
love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or
commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A
stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the
spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form,
indicating "how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term
relationship...[but] the beginning rather than the end."[6]
Romantic love "derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate
components of love...romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other
but are also bonded emotionally"[7] - bonded both intimately and passionately,
but without sustaining commitment.
Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger
than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. "This type of
love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present"[8]
but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared
between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between
close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.
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FLOW OF LOVE….
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Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage "fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of passion
without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement."[9]
Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal
relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love,
consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect
couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex
fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves
happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties
gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other.[10] However,
Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder
than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of
love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can
die."[11] Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over
time, it may change into companionate love.
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CITATIONS
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References
Sternberg, Robert J. (1986). "A triangular theory of love". Psychological
Review 93 (2): 119–135. DOI:10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119.
http://content2.apa.org/journals/rev/93/2/119. Retrieved 2007-06-27.
Sternberg, Robert J. (1987). Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation
of theories. Psychological Bulletin. pp. 331–345.
Sternberg, Robert J. (1988). The Triangle of Love: Intimacy, Passion,
Commitment. New York: Basic Books. ISBN 0-465-08746-9.
Brehm, Sharon S. (2007). Intimate Relationships. New York: McGraw-Hill.
ISBN 0-07-293801-3.
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REFLECTIONS ON LOVE
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One of my all-time favorite books is a book by Henry Drummond entitled The
Greatest Thing in the World. This book has impacted my life in a way that is
second only to the Bible. It is Henry Drummond’s discourse on First
Corinthians chapter thirteen, the love chapter. The comments he makes
about love “thinketh no evil” have often kept me from reacting out of hurt
and fear and helped me to instead be able to respond in love.
Love imputes no motive. Those who made assumptions about me did not
know my true heart, my true motive. And I did not know the true heart, or
the true motive of those I made assumptions about.
Lord, Forgive us. Lord, Forgive me.
We have an enemy who is referred to as the accuser of the brethren. Let us
not share his title. Let us be like our Father Who is love.
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LOVE THINKETH NO WRONG.
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Remember, you and your spouse are not in competition with each other so
there should be no envy or jealousy. Marriage is team work and there is no
"i" or "u" in team. And what about pride? Are you thinking, I don't have a
pride problem. Well, we recommend you pray and ask God to reveal it to you.
Pride is something all of us struggle with on some level.
Pride will cause you not to admit your wrong. Pride will even make you
believe you are always right. Pride will keep you from apologizing when you
have offended. Pride will even make you say, "I'm not prideful."
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In other words, love is not inconsiderate, or always thinking "but if I do that,
what am I going to get in return?" That's not God's definition of love.
Furthermore, love is not agitated at the drop of a dime, and it has a short
memory when it comes to the sins of your spouse.
That means you're not constantly reminding them of their past offenses.
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1ST CORINTHIANS 13
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Verse 6
"Love does not rejoice in evil but rejoices with the truth." What does that
mean? That means you don't do a victory dance when wrong is done to your
mate, even if you think they had it coming. Real love does not rejoice in
wrong doing, it rejoices in what's right.
Verse 7
"it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." This
means love puts up with everything, and still trusts, is hopeful, and
enduring.
Verse 8
"Love never fails. But where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where
there is knowledge it will pass away.
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THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE = GOD.
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The Meaning of Love = GOD
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Knowing that real love never ends, should help you understand there is no
such thing as "falling in" and "out of love".
God is love (1 John 4:16). And because He lives in you, He expects you to
die to your flesh and demonstrate His unconditional love to your spouse. He
expects you to be a walking and talking definition of love!
We hope you enjoyed reading Love In Relationship. You may also enjoy
listening to the song "Love" written by Kirk Franklin.
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1ST CORINTHIANS—EXAMPLES MY SON, SEAN
AND LOVING WIFE, ROCHELLE.
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Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to
believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under ALL
circumstances and it endures EVERYTHING without weakening. Love never fails,
fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end. 1Cor13:7-8 Amplified
How beautiful it is to find family in Christ that bears up under us no matter what
comes, believe and see the best in us no matter what we say or do, and love us
to the core of who God made us. There is nothing more beautiful than this.
Thank you Rochelle and Sean for being that example to our family and to the
body as well as the world. You shall be abundantly blessed in Heaven and on
earth. Love you both. Be free as God intended for us all to be.
The flesh loves to brood over past offences. But love will move us away from the
past, and will lead us to forget what others have done to harm us, and will urge
us to treat them as though they had never harmed us in any way. We, ourselves,
have to rid ourselves from our bag of “hurts” and laundry list of “he/she did this
or he/she did not do this”. We keep ourselves in our own emotional prison.
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CITATIONS
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THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright ;©
1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica®. Used by permission. All rights reserved
worldwide.
The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007. Used
by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois
60188.All Rights Reserved.
The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®) copyright ©
2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
New American Standard Bible Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971,
1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra,
Calif. All rights reserved. For Permission to Quote Information visit
http://www.lockman.org.
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CITATIONS
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Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of
attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Hillsdale, NJ:
Erlbaum.
Aron, A., & Westbay, L. (personal communication, 1991). Latent Structure of
Love-Prototype Features and Its Relation to Erikson's Intimacy Stage (I'm
sure it's published by now, but I don't have the exact citation).
Berscheid, E., & Walster, E. H. (1974). Interpersonal attraction, (2nd ed.),
Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.
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