QA - Savannah Morning News, Friday, June 14,1991 * * * *
Accent on People
,r
Wholesome Places To Meet Singles in the '90s
book into the cafe, stay as long as
you want and have a really good
look around.
"I definitely look at the men and I notice if they look at me," says
38-year-old Kathy - she doesn't
want her last name used - who's
sipping an espresso at the Book Depot in Mill Valley.
"It's not the same as meeting
someone in a bar. It feels more
wholesome. You're doing something.
You have a reason for being there.
"Meeting in a bookstore is more
interesting.
It's like you're saying,
1
I'm an intelligent woman.' "
Kathy has had numerous flirtations with men she has met this way,
and dated one a while. "He came up
to me and asked if he could sit at my
table," she recalls.
Margie Newman, chef-manager
at a Clean Well-Lighted Place For
Books in Larkspur, says single people feel comfortable at the cafe because they can occupy a table by
themselves and nobody questions
The advantage of meeting over a
RUTHE STEIN and
book is that you can target a poten:SHANN NIX
tial date. If you want a literary type,
-$an Francisco Chronicle
hover around Flaubert. If your pref• '• SAN FRANCISCO - It could be erence is someone conversant on
'worth millions to the person who current events, stand by a stack of
;comes up with the definitive answer Bob Woodward's latest. If a travel•fc> the question singles invariably ing man - or woman - is your ideI ask: Where do I go to meet some- al, station yourself at the travel section.
one?
The best stores for book encounHere are some new places to
.meet in the '90s that are fun to check ters are those that stay open late,
I out even if they don't pan out - such as Kepler's in Menlo Park and
^bookstores, brew pubs and art gal- Black Oak Books in Berkeley.
They're the social core of the com• teries.
• There's the variation on meeting munity. Everybody goes there, even
; cute. If you hang out long enough at on a Saturday night.
Bookstores that have a cafe at• a bookstore, sooner or later you will
^be attracted to a fellow bibliophile tached are particularly good places
for singles to meet. You can take a
; and meet smart.
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why they're alone.
"It's informal. People don't feel
constrained about talking to someone at the next table the way they
might at a restaurant. If they're
both reading the same kind of book,
there's such an obvious opening
line."
Doctoral candidates, tired of doing their thinking alone at home, will
come in with a laptop computer to
work on their dissertations. Anyone
attracted to a would-be Ph.D.
wouldn't have to strain for something to say.
Newman says she's heard people
go up and brazenly ask, "So, what
are you working on?"
Brew pubs offer an upscale revival of a college keg party.
People are packed in tight, spilling and swilling tall glasses of draft
beer. Bodies get tangled, squeezing
through the crowd, though it is hard
to know whether they are searching
out one another or just the safest
route to the bathroom.
Men nearly always outnumber
the women, with a ratio ranging
from 2-to-l to 20-to-l depending on
whether' there is a major sporting
event on the tube.
Megan O'Meara wandered into
the Gordon Biersch pub in Palo Alto
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during a recent fight featuring portly George Foreman, who attracts
the
sympathies of the beer drinker.
4
The ratio was about 120 guys to every girl/' she recalls.
Even a boxing crowd is well-behaved in a brew pub. Nobody gets
seriously snookered on the house
pour.
"You get a headache long before
you get close to drunk/' explains
Tom Kelley, 36, a patron of 20 Tank
Brewery in San Francisco. "That's
why I'm drinking the wine. By the
way," he asks the barkeep, "do you
make the wine here, too? No? It
tastes like it."
Local breweries pride themselves
on their homemade beer. Gordon
Biersch pours German lager, and
the beermeister says that he's the
first American in 30 years to earn a
degree in brewing engineering from
the Technical University in Munich.
Cindy Alchimisti, 34, of Palo Alto,
is at the bar on a Thursday evening.
When asked the attraction, she responds, "None. It's really yuppie
and crowded. A lot of men though,
which is good."
At the Surrealist Salon art opening, people aren't concerned with
the walls - they're here to "make
the scene," says Kathleen O'Shea, a
35-year-old artist from Santa Rosa.
"It's likeva business cocktail party
- free happy hour."
Art savants tricked out in rigs
ranging from casual denim to extreme gothic are packed ears-to-eK
bows in the small space, sporting
slicked-back hair, heavy batik and
earrings that could compete for wall
space.
Art openings like this one, at the
Rayko Photo Center on Polk Street,
can be a choice spot for singles to
meet and admire each other's - er
- perspectives.
"I come to meet kinky women,"
says J.W. Diehl, 34, a San Francisco
photographer. "There's a better
chance of meeting women in black
leather.
"Plus, people at art openings are
smashed and looking to meet likeminded people. They figure if you
like art, you're not a sleazebag."
Viewing the art over all the
hennaed heads is a pretty hopeless
proposition, so most of the beautiful
people are hanging out on the sidewalk around the Evian water stand,
or fighting their way back to the
wine table, cleverly tucked into the
rear of the gallery to ensure that patrons tour the art.
Cruising an art opening is simple
even for the novice - the noise, the
jostling, the common-interest element, the nudes on the walls and the
free booze all go to create an atmosphere in which almost anything can
happen.
"This seems to be the place to
meet people, but not for me. I'm
fairly shy," says Steve Simon, 40, a
legal secretary from San Francisco.
He stops to consider. "Still, people talking, moving, bumping into
each other.... It could be catching."
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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I
are happily married. We both agree
that our family is complete and we
do not want any more children. We
use birth control, but nothing is foolproof, and just the thought of another pregnancy makes me shiver in
my boots!
The reason my husband hasn't
gotten a vasectomy is because we
haven't been able to find out if such
measures are right in the eyes of the
Lord. We are members of the congregation of a very small Christian
church, and I just can't bring myself
to ask our minister. Can you please
help us? - SHY IN COLORADO
DEAR SHY: Perhaps you would
feel more comfortable consulting a
clergyperson of your faith in a
neighboring town. Or you could
write to the district office of your
church and inquire.
DEAR ABBY: Reading in your
column that you put your glasses on
when you answer the phone prompts
this letter.
Even if it's dark, when we need to
hear, we put our glasses on. Regardless of how strange it may seem, we
hear better with glasses. This theory
has been tested, and it's true. - R
KAY IN L.A.
Problems? Write to Abby. For a
personal, unpublished reply, send a
self-addressed, stamped envelope to
Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles,
CA 90069. All correspondence is confidential.
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Abby, was I wrong in refusing to
intervene? - PROBLEMS ON THE
HOME FRONT
DEAR PROBLEMS: No, I think
you used good judgment in remaining neutral. Now, about your namecalling son-in-law: He does not
speak for his wife - unless, of
course, she has authorized him to be
her representative. Has she?
Phone 355-1812
8890 ABERCORN
M-SAT. 10-7
DEAR ABBY: I am having a
problem with my ex-wife. During
our marriage, I caught her cheating
four times. She swears she still loves
me and only me. (We still see each
other.) She comes over and spends,
the night with me every once in a
while, and we have sex together,
even though she has been engaged to
a man in Florida for more than a
year. He has money and buys her
very nice gifts. (He just bought her a
'91 Camaro.)
The problem is, I still love her
and would like to get back together
if she would only let go of the "money man." Should I let her go or keep
trying to get her back? - A TOUGH
DECISION
DEAR TOUGH DECISION: Let
her go. She's using you (for sex) and
using the man in Florida for whatever she can get out of him. If you
were to get her back, what would
you have? A promiscuous gold digger who can't be trusted.
DEAR ABBY: Twice recently,
my daughter (the eldest and married) asked me to intervene in her
behalf concerning some disagreements she has been having with
some of her siblings.
My answer was, "No, please try
to work it out yourselves." She then
told me that it was my duty to intervene: I disagreed, saying I was not
going to take sides - I wanted to be
on friendly terms with all my children and their spouses.
Her husband then sent me a nasty letter calling me "ignorant and
selfish," and saying I could no longer write to - or speak with - my
daughter!
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