WELCOME TO MODULE EIGHT – USING THE POWER OF QUESTIONS
So this module, it's all about questions and using the power of
questions.
If you think about it, where would we be without questions? Questions are the
process that our mind uses constantly. Everything we do is really based on a
process of asking and answering questions of ourselves. So if you think about
it, before we even get up in the morning, we're lying in bed, kind of half awake
going - oh what time is it? What day is it? What have I got on today? What's
the weather going to do? What am I going to wear? What am I going to have
for breakfast? Do I need to wash my hair? And all of that before weʼve even
stepped out of bed in the morning. And that's what we're doing constantly, is
going through this process of asking and answering our questions.
Now the trick here is bringing the questions that we're asking particularly
internally particularly of ourselves, into our awareness. And asking better
questions. Anthony Robbins has a great quote, which is:
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So if you think about it, if we ask negative questions, if we ask terrible
questions, disempowering questions, we get terrible answers, disempowering
answers. If we ask good questions, we get good answers. If we ask
empowering questions we get really empowering answers. So it's all about
the quality of the questions that we're asking.
Questions have the ability to really lift our spirits. To change the way that we
feel. To change our focus. To help us in our direction of achieving whatever it
is we want to achieve. Questions will also help us solve problems and open
up the resources available to us. And we're going to have a look at different
types of questions and how we can change our questions to get better results.
So first of all let's have a look at terrible questions that we ask ourselves.
Disempowering questions. Say for example, get up in the morning, you're
already running late for a meeting that you've got at 9 o'clock. You're rushing
out the door. You've got a coffee in your hand. You spill the coffee. Can't find
somewhere to park. Everything just seems to be going wrong. And what's one
of the questions that seems to pop up in our mind? Why does this always
happen to me? And as I said if we ask a disempowering question what's the
answer that you're going to get? Something like - I'm hopeless, I'm useless, I
should have done this different, I should have done that different. So we've
got to ask better questions. A better question to ask in that scenario is what do I need to do differently to make sure this doesn't happen again? Or a
fantastic question, a really great question would be something like - how can I
turn this day around to make it the best day ever now? And that will
completely shift your focus.
A lot of the time we are on autopilot with our questions. We don't have them in
our awareness and they're really driving our focus. Can you see how that
works? Can you see how we can do that? Particularly with those autopilot
questions that we run?
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PARTICIPANT 3: You end up dwelling on the things that you can't
control sometimes.
PARTICIPANT 4: You just reconfirm the old script again and again and
again. As you say the “Iʼm useless” bit constantly reinforcing,
reinforcing, reinforcing, and never finding alternative solutions. Never
opening up the opportunity so, the great other questions which is rather
than running late, why um, why am I always doing this. Why is this
always happening to me. I'm useless, I'm useless sort of thing and the
running late bit. So, but the question is - I love that - how can I turn this
day around and make it the best day ever. I love that kind of thing. I do
try and do that and sort of say well what are the solutions, what did I do
to, I guess that's even a kind of negative way of doing it. What did I do
to make this happen as opposed to how can I not make this happen in
the future. So use it as a learning experience.
LISA: Yes, itʼs really shifting it to that positive focus. Yep.
PARTICIPANT 4: Just that little mental shift.
A couple of other examples of that are, how we can use questions to
really point us in the right direction. Help us achieve our goals.
So an example might be, we get our salary and we've got a bonus in there
and what's the question we ask ourselves? (Group: How much is it taxed?
laughter) How much is it taxed? Yeah. What can I go and spend it on? Yeah.
And when we have financial goals that might involve saving up for something
or buying a house or you know whatever it might be, you know and the first
question we're asking ourselves is - What can I spend this on? How much
was that nice pair of shoes I saw? Um, you know where as better questions
that we can ask ourselves might be, what can I do with this money to achieve
my goals? How can I invest this so it's even more valuable? And the same
thing in terms of our health and fitness. You know, we ask ourselves
questions late at night maybe when its “God I'm starving what can I eat?” and
you go to the fridge and you just look in - what can I eat? What can I eat?
Whereas a better question might be - what's going to be my healthiest option?
What's really going to nourish my body and be good for me? It's just about
changing the questions that we are asking ourselves and it really changes our
focus.
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So we might have the negative person at work, the whinger, the moaner, who
says, do you know what I hate about this place? Do you know what really
frustrates me about this place? And automatically our focus goes to all of
those things. Before they've even answered their own question. So what
would be a question that we could ask instead?
PARTICIPANT 3: What do you like about it?
Exactly. Yep. Change that focus. Switch it around. What do you like about this
place? Do you know all the things that I like about here? So we can just
instantly switch our focus and lift our spirits or bring our spirits down.
One of the things that questions is particularly good at as well is solving
problems. And there's a set of problem solving questions that Anthony
Robbins uses.
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So these questions in terms of problem solving, what is great about this
problem? Now doesn't that automatically switch your focus from what a
terrible problem this is to - okay well what's the good side of this? What's the
silver lining behind this? What is not perfect yet? Now the way that our
unconscious mind works in terms of you know, we don't necessarily focus on
the not, so it's okay well we can focus on perfection, what was the ideal.
Question Shelley?
PARTICIPANT 3: I donʼt get that, that just makes me confused, is that
the intention?
LISA: It is actually yeh (group laugh), I'll talk a bit more about that for
sure.
So what am I willing to do to make it the way that I wanted. Or what am I not
willing to do to make it the way that I wanted. Or what am I no longer willing to
do. And what that does is some of those questions are actually designed to
almost confuse your mind. They're designed to almost get through the barrier
between our logical thinking, reasoning, conscious mind and all of the
fantastic inner resources that we have in our unconscious because we do. We
have all of the answers we ever need inside of us. It's just about
bringing those out. And that's where the power of questions really comes in.
Weʼve already talked about the GROW model, about PAIN and PLEASURE,
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about POW. These are things that really help us. They're tools we can use to
bring out the resources that we have inside of us. The answers that are
already in there.
And then the last question on that as well is - how can I enjoy the process
while I'm doing it? And again, that just lifts your spirits automatically. Shifts
your focus to actually enjoying what you're doing. Because at the end of the
day that's what lifeʼs all about. Enjoying what we do.
LISA: OK, do you mind re-stating..? (addressed to participant 4)
PARTICIPANT 5: Yep. So Iʼm a volunteer at the Malvern State
Emergency Services and I volunteered to write the history of the unit
and Iʼm not really sure how to go about doing that. Where to gather the
material from, who to talk to, how to get the list of people to talk to
even, about what happened from when it was set up which I think was
32 years ago. So thatʼs my problem.
LISA: Yep, OK fantastic. Sally tell us, what is great about having this
problem? Whatʼs great about this problem?
PARTICIPANT 5: Knowing that the end deliverable is something that
everybody wants to read, everyone's very proud of what we do at the
Unit. And being able to read the history and acknowledge the people
that have come before the current members. Thereʼs so many great
stories there and to be able to put it all in one place would be a
fantastic outcome.
LISA: And yourself as well about being asked to do this or volunteering
to do this and taking on this task. Thatʼs good recognition for you. Well
done. Okay so what's not perfect yet?
PARTICIPANT 5: Um, most things, I think it's just an idea, it doesn't
have any substance. There's a few newspaper articles that have been
scanned and kept in a box full of photos and that's about all we know,
so thereʼs some people who have been there maybe 70% of the time
that the unit's been up but there's no one that was there originally. So,
having access, even finding the right people who know this history.
Being able to contact the council, or the headquarters or any other
knowledge bank. We don't have a list of those, we donʼt have contact
numbers and I think the driver for us to produce this unit history is
important for us but not important for say the Stonnington Council or
whatever, there might be somebody there who goes – “oh thatʼs a
really cool idea” - but in the scheme of their lives, it's not their priority
either. And it's not a priority for us, so it's a background activity that
would happen with as much energy as I could put into it. Given that we
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have other priorities like rescuing people from floods and trees, things
like that.
LISA: Yep, absolutely. Okay, great. So what are you willing to do to
make it happen? To make it the way that you want it?
PARTICIPANT 5: Well, I'm willing to put as much time into it as I can.
But I think I need more help with the technology so even the vision of
what it is - is it a coffee table book, is it a video, is it a um electronically
available, does it have photos that have been photo-shopped in, so I'm
happy to put as much of that in and learn as I can. But time is a limiting
factor I suppose. It's not the only thing I've volunteered to do.
LISA: Yep, so you've got to schedule your time, so you've got to
organize that, how much time you're prepared to do that - when you're
prepared to do it.
PARTICIPANT 5: Yep, and liase with the other volunteers, itʼs exactly
the same for them, for their time and understand their capabilities and
what they can contribute. And then find the material.
LISA: Yep and so getting a clear vision of what it is that you want to
achieve, what it's going to look like, how it's going to be.
PARTICIPANT 5: And all I've done at the moment is I've got sort of an
index of what I think the table of contents would look like and maybe
some of the things in the back that you know, lists of members and
positions, things like that, but itʼs the content I think thatʼs the real - how
do you find the content?
LISA: Yep, so that's another aspect of this, is you know in terms of that
time you've scheduled, that's about going out and getting the content,
and finding who you need to speak to. Yep. Okay, so from all of that
you can put together an action plan of what it is, of what you need to
do. Um, as well as the timings around that of you and the other people
that are involved. And your clear vision of what it looks like. Yep. Okay,
what are you not willing to do to achieve this?
PARTICIPANT 5: I can't think of anything that I'm not willing to do. Iʼm
happy to talk to people, Iʼm quite happy to cold call people because it's
such a good thing that we're doing itʼs not difficult to ask for help.
PARTICIPANT 3: Is it about what you're willing to no longer do around
- it sounds like you're looking for and you want everything and that
might not be achievable to get what you want. Itʼs like waiting for
anything that may never happen so is it that you're willing to let go of
the things that you can't find and go with the things that you can.
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PARTICIPANT 5: It's a really good point because when I put the table
of contents out to the others, someone came back and said “oh my
God that will never get finished, we'll never find all that information.” So
maybe my expectation is too high and my perfection level is right up
there. The standard that I would set for myself, itʼs hard to back away
from that.
PARTICIPANT 4: Sorry to interrupt, another idea might be to change
the animal that it is – and if youʼre talking about not knowing which
media to present, is it coffee table book, you can have the living
breathing one and just say this is an unfinished story, and you invite
people and as people read what theyʼve got then you can have them
share more information..
PARTICIPANT 5: So that could be the title of the book, of the thing, the
unfinished story of the Malvern SES..I love it!
PARTICIPANT 4: Could people pay attention to the product that youʼve
done, and theyʼll pass it on and say “Oh I know Jim Bloggs who used to
work here”, or something like that and then they share it so that where
you use Social Media. Create a web page or a facebook page for it. A
facebook page for the history..
PARTICIPANT 2: Something like Wikipedia, you know Wikipedia how
people actually contribute, maybe something like that.
PARTICIPANT 4: So youʼre taking a history of something and making
it very modern as well.
PARTICIPANT 6: So you focus on what you know you can get
information on, do that first…
PARTICIPANT 5: And everyone else will make it happen.
PARTICIPANT 1: I think thatʼs a great idea like with the high
expectation of the table of contents because that's what a good leader
in my view would do, is to say this is my vision, this is my ideal that I
want all of this information and it's amazing how many people rise to
the level of expectation when you set it high. If you set it low then
people will achieve that. But if you set it up high saying this is where I
really would love to have. I think that, you know we're talking about
goal setting yesterday. Itʼs on the borderline of being, yes you might
see it as perfectionist but that's not such a bad thing all the time I donʼt
think.
PARTICIPANT 5: Iʼm very comfortable with that statement..(laughing).
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LISA: As long as you're not completely and utterly attached to having it
exactly like that. But as the information comes in.
PARTICIPANT 1: And new stuff might come in and you go “Oh WOW”
and you didnʼt consider it but then you can add it and maybe take
something off.
PARTICIPANT 1: With power of questions, um, Nikki was suggesting
things to Sally, is that okay to do? Because that's what I do all of the
time and it gets in the way of typical coaching methodology doesnʼt it?
LISA: Yes..
PARTICIPANT 1: Yeah so what do you do when you want to suggest?
LISA: Yeah I always think suggesting helps people along that journey
anyway. I think suggesting is great. And in terms of um you know just
looking at the scenario we have now, but if we moved on to the next
question about - how can I enjoy the process whilst I'm doing this, I
think one of the things we've just seen now is the involvement of other
people and their ideas and the suggestions and being such a people
person.
PARTICIPANT 5: And can I just say already that's changed from what's
been a like heavy load in my heart that I'm not getting anywhere with it
because I said Iʼd do this last November I still haven't really got there
anywhere significant and now I think - look what happened this
afternoon!
PARTICIPANT 5: It feels like yellow and golden instead of brown..
LISA: Yeah how beautiful. Yeah.
PARTICIPANT 5: Yeh, such an amazing and quick change.
PARTICIPANT 1: And I think the thing is that if you think about why you
initially volunteered to do it, like what did you want to get out of it, and
keep that as your focus like I really wanted to experience the idea of
researching this, doing a project and not necessarily working 60 hours
a week but doing other stuff, so thatʼs what you put your hand up for.
And thatʼs for your personal development thatʼs why youʼre doing it as
well, thatʼs a motivating factor. Because I was thinking press releases?
Could you contact all of the TV stations and the local radio stations and
the libraries…
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PARTICIPANT 4: The local mags that come out theyʼre always looking
for..first thing you use that for advertising…they love to feature you as a
story.
PARTICIPANT 5: Because other people might read that and say “Iʼve
got some information about that”.
LISA: So the power of questions is to ask some questions. So just to
close off, anything else in terms of how you can enjoy the process
whilst you do it.
PARTICIPANT 5: I think celebrating the success of the little steps
rather than me thinking that the whole thing needs to be done, Iʼm not
quite sure who said that just then but have the milestones along the
way that you can celebrate e.g. “Hey weʼve got a chapter done”, or we
had a new contact that we haven't found before. Celebrate that rather
than the end position.
LISA: Yeh make it fun as you keep going. Beautiful.
Now the other thing that I've given you on that handout as well as the problem
solving question is Cartesian questions. Now I won't spend too much time
on cartesian questions but cartesian questions are designed to almost trick
your conscious mind. Remember that analytical logical self talk reasoning
mind and get into your unconscious which is that huge power that sits
underneath where we have all of the answers. We have everything within us
that we need. And those questions in Cartesian are designed to enter into that
space.
What will happen if I do this? What will happen if I don't do this. What won't
happen if I do this? What won't happen if I don't do this? You can use those to
help you reason through a situation that you have, an issue, a problem, a
challenge.
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The other area that I want to focus on in terms of questions is daily questions.
Questions that we ask ourselves every single day and we commit to asking
ourselves every single day. As I mentioned at the beginning, questions
can really lift our spirits. Change the way that we feel. They can help us get
focused towards achieving our goal. And they can help us solve problems and
open up the resources available to us. Now one of the things that I find
specifically in women is that we're not very good at recognizing,
acknowledging and appreciating ourselves. We're very good at recognizing,
appreciating, and acknowledging others. But we leave a gap within ourselves.
And quite often, we're looking for that recognition to come from external
sources. We're constantly looking for the pat on the back. The 'hey good job'.
But we need to give that to ourselves first and foremost. And one of the ways
that we can do that is through the daily questions that we ask ourselves. So
what I've got for you is a list of questions that you can select one or two from.
Or you can create your own.
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And the examples of this, some examples of these questions: What do I love
about my life right now? What am I grateful for? What am I excited about?
What have I done that I can be proud of? What have I achieved today? What
did I give today? How did I step up today? This is all about looking for the
good stuff. Because as women we can look for what we haven't done
rather than what we have done. We have our to-do list and we have all our
things on there, and we tick off a few and then we focus on what we haven't
done. We get cross with ourselves. Oh I only did 5 out of my 10. I didn't do the
other 5. You know or we think about what we should be doing rather than
what we are doing. So this is about shifting our focus to be kinder to
ourselves.
So asking ourselves these daily questions helps us to celebrate our
successes. To realize our achievements. To focus on the things that are good
in our life and this can really help us make a shift. Give us a more positive
outlook. So have a look at the list of questions and either select one or two
that you can ask yourself, either last thing at night or first thing in the morning,
or perhaps both. Or design your own. And commit to asking that for a whole
month. For the next month. And notice the differences that occur.
PARTICIPANT 4: Can I say something?
LISA: Absolutely.
PARTICIPANT 4: I was saying to sally yesterday that um, once a
week, on a Sunday night I sit down for about 5 to 10 minutes and I do
my reflections of the week. My reflections of the week are questions.
Did I make someone smile? Did I make someoneʼs day? What did I
achieve? And you may have thought before that that you had the worst
week in the world but if you actually sit down and think about what
you're grateful for, what you've achieved so far as opposed to what you
haven't achieved yet. So stuff that keeps it all in perspective. So once a
week I do it and I can just, seem to just write reams of stuff that I didnʼt
think were significant or meant anything at the time and when you
actually put it in writing and read it back it actually makes the next week
more exciting.
LISA: Thatʼs brilliant. It's so powerful isn't it? It's so powerful.
I was working with a client just last week, and the client seems to be totally
out of balance. You know everything is very stressful, and they have this
overwhelming sense of not coping. However, they're constantly focused on
and looking for all of the areas that are not working right. All of the things that
are not going the way that they want them to. If you just shift that focus, and
this is what we work through. Just shift that focus and look at - oh my
goodness, all of the things that you are doing, all of the amazing things that
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you've achieved, everything that you are creating, where you are heading
towards. You focus on all of that stuff and all of a sudden everything shifts and
it was really quite powerful just to do that. Itʼs amazing where we can get
stuck with our focus. And you know as we've already talked about, we get
what we focus on so we constantly looking for more of that and we'll always
find it because our unconscious mind will help us that will help lead us to
whereever we want to go. So you know if we want to be in that constant space
of stress and anxiety, or of negativity, or of beating ourselves up about
something. We can get there quite easily. However, it's about getting out of
that and looking for the good stuff. Changing our focus.
PARTICIPANT 1: Just relax and enjoy and acknowledge what you have done.
And think about how you can improve and cut out the waste in your day.
CONCLUSION
In this example of going through the problem solving questions with Sally,
youʼll notice the power of sharing an issue, or a problem – with the group. And
how this helped Sally come up with new perspectives and thoughts on this
issue, and how the other people in the group made suggestions and ideas.
If you would like people to help you with the problems that you are facing, use
the forum. The forum is an incredible collection of women from different
backgrounds, different experiences, different businesses, different job roles.
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We have women in the forum from corporate environments, women who own
their own businesses. We have women who are in marketing, in IT, in
construction, in finance, in health and fitness, in operations, and so many
many more.
And they will be keen to assist you with your challenges, with your issues,
your situation, with achieving your goals. And myself included in that as well.
And likewise your help will be valuable to others in the forum as well.
So post your challenges in the forum or ask questions in there and let us be
that group to help you with those.
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Your Actions from this Module
First and foremost ask yourself your daily questions. So select or write your
own questions 1, 2 or 3 that you can ask yourself every morning, or every
evening or perhaps both. In addition to that, in the exercise download, or
within your workbook, youʼve also got those problem solving questions and
the cartesian questions so use those and write down your answers to help
you overcome a challenge or a situation that youʼre in. And use them with
others as well. Practise those problem solving questions to help other people
overcome their challenges.
And finally as well, just notice the questions that youʼre asking yourself. What
questions are you asking on autopilot. And remember that asking yourself
a better question, will give you a better answer, so make sure your
questions are positive and empowering and your answers will be
positive and empowering.
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