Healing
Thoughts
the
Agnesian HealthCare is Sponsored by
Congregation of Sisters of St. Agnes
MARCH 2017
From the Bereavement Coordinator
Change and Transition
When one chapter closes another one opens. That’s what I thought
about nine months ago when I changed jobs to be closer to home and
work with the wonderful team at the Agnesian Bereavement Center.
These last nine months have been wonderful. I have been given
opportunities of growth, and continue to be challenged and challenge
myself. When I started here at the Bereavement Center, it was as
a bereavement counselor. Today, I am writing this as my title has
changed from bereavement counselor to bereavement coordinator.
Change and transitions can be difficult. In our lifetime, we go through
so much change and transition. When we are younger, we go through
the transitions of sleeping in a crib to sleeping in a big kid bed.
Then we transition to starting school; and when we are at school,
we transition when we change grades. Then once high school is
completed, we have a big change of going to college and being out on
our own. Maybe in high school or college, you meet the person who you
are going to spend the rest of your life with. You graduate college, get
married, and start a career and family. Wow….this is a lot of change
and transitions. Then one day you’re faced with a death in the family.
Death creates a lot of changes. The daily routine we are used to no
longer excites us as our loved one was a big part of our daily routine.
Slowly we start to piece together a new routine. We rely on friends and
family to help us through the difficult time.
When the seasons change, nature reminds me that we all go through
change and transitions. How do you work through the changes and
transitions? Who do you rely on to help you with the difficult times?
Please know that Agnesian Bereavement Services is available if you
wish to talk.
Blessings,
Melissa Klebs, MS
Bereavement Coordinator, Agnesian Bereavement Services
Bereavement Services
Gathering & Raffle
Thursday, April 20, 2017 • 5:30 p.m.
Plaza Level Conference Center, 430 E. Division Street, Fond du Lac
For more information, visit agnesian.com/RSVP or call (920) 926-4959.
Creating the Happiness You Seek
By Harriet Hodgson
Happiness is a hot topic these days, and many books and articles
have been written about it. Under the Constitution of the United States
of America, we have the right to pursue happiness. But this feeling
isn’t a chase. True happiness comes from within. In 2007, after my
daughter, father-in-law, brother and former son-in-law died, I didn’t
think I would be happy again.
Practice self-care.
I was wrong. To help myself, I thought about the proactive steps I could
take. Three years later, I was living a new and happy life.
Use linking objects.
Kari Moore, in her book, 18 Rules of Happiness, says the first rule of
happiness is to “stop feeling sorry for yourself.” I felt sorry for myself
in 2007, realized my error and turned away from it. Creating happiness
takes honesty, and you may have to give up on some ideas, such as
money buying happiness. Solutions like this may work short term, but
not long term.
Can you be happy after experiencing crushing sadness? Yes. Chances
are you’re more resilient than you realize. Here are some of the steps I
took to create happiness.
Celebrate little things.
This makes you more aware of details, such as a baby’s smile, or sun
breaking through dark clouds. A phone call from a friend can lift your
spirits. I’ve been a freelancer for 37 years and am so glad I can work
at home. Life’s little things can turn out to be big things.
Let yourself laugh.
My daughter offered to help out at the church rummage sale.
Volunteers didn’t know how to price some new bras. “Charge 25 cents
a cup,” my daughter declared. Everyone burst out laughing and this
story still makes me smile. Give yourself permission to laugh and
laugh as often as possible.
Spend time with caring people.
Negative people drag you down and positive people lift you up. I joined
the local chapter of The Compassionate Friends (TCF) and am buoyed
to be in the company of people who understand my grief. To learn
about the chapter nearest you, contact the TCF national office.
Monitor your thoughts.
In The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living, author Amit Sood, MD,
asks readers to think of five people they are grateful for each morning.
Keep doing this. Before you know it, you will have identified dozens of
helpful people. “We can choose our thoughts,” Dr. Sood explains, and
this sparks happiness.
Eat right and try to stay physically active. A 15-minute walk can lift
your spirits. Quiet time is part of my day because writers need this
time. Sometimes I meditate, other times I pray, and other times I close
my eyes, and let my thoughts wander. Nature also fills my soul and I
appreciate each season.
A linking object is something that belonged to a deceased loved one
and makes you remember that person. You may wear your mother’s
necklace, for example, or your father’s shirt. Linking objects can
remind you of happy times and this is comforting.
Create “Action Memorials.”
Therese A. Rando, PhD, author of How to Go On Living When Someone
You Love Dies, says identifying with a loved one helps you keep that
person close. This led me to create “Action Memorials” for the family
members who died in 2007. My daughter had a marvelous sense of
humor, for example, so I make laughter part of each day. You may
create similar memorials in memory of a loved one.
Keep a happiness jar.
This idea comes from author Elizabeth Gilbert. Find a large jar, a small
pad of paper, and pencil or pen. At the end of the day, note a happy
moment on paper and put it in the jar. (You may have several papers
for one day.) When the year ends, dump out the papers, read them and
start another jar. Because I’m my disabled husband’s caregiver, I keep
two jars, one for happiness, and one for caregiving.
Listen to your heart song.
Often I turn to a book titled Soulwork by Bettyclare Moffatt. She thinks
each person needs to listen to their heart song [the soul] and live their
life accordingly. “Perhaps all that is required is an opening, opening,
ever-opening heart in order to do the work of the soul and in the
rhythm of the everyday world,” she writes.
Watch for the growth openings in your life.
Finally, remember that love lasts forever and is always with you. Love
can lead you forward on the recovery path.
Reprinted with permission of Grief Digest, Centering Corporation,
Omaha, Nebraska, (866) 218-0101.
AGNESIAN HEALTHCARE | HEALING THOUGHTS | MARCH 2017 | 2
JANUARY TO JUNE 2017
Bereavement Support Groups
Agnesian Bereavement Center is located at 1161 W. Johnson Street in Fond du Lac. Support is available during
the grieving process to individuals and their families following the death of a significant person in their life.
For more information on any of our Grief Support Groups listed, contact the Bereavement Center
at (920) 907-3940 or e-mail us at [email protected].
Grief Matters Monthly
Grief Support Groups
Spouse/Partner
Grief Support Groups
Second Tuesday of each month • 1 to 2:30 p.m.
Ripon Medical Center
845 Parkside Street, Ripon
First Wednesday of each month • 1 to 2:30 p.m.
Agnesian Bereavement Center
1161 W. Johnson Street, Fond du Lac
Third Tuesday of each month • 1 to 2:30 p.m.
Agnesian Bereavement Center
1161 W. Johnson Street, Fond du Lac
Second & fourth Wednesday of each month
6 to 7:30 p.m.
Agnesian Bereavement Center
1161 W. Johnson Street, Fond du Lac
Fourth Tuesday of each month • 1 to 2:30 p.m.
Waupun Memorial Hospital
620 W. Brown Street, Waupun
Second & fourth Thursday of each month
6 to 7:30 p.m.
Agnesian Bereavement Center
1161 W. Johnson Street, Fond du Lac
Individual appointments available.
Please call to schedule an appointment at
(920) 907-3940.
Resolve Through Sharing
For those who have experienced a miscarriage,
stillborn or infant death.
Third Wednesday of each month • 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m.
Learn & Lunch
La Clare Farms Dining Room
W2994 County HH • Malone
Grief Relief
Grief Relief Peer Support for grieving children and
families
For more information, call (920) 907-3940.
Grief Relief in Schools
For more information on Grief Relief support in area
schools, call (920) 907-3938.
Third Monday of each month • 6 to 7:30 p.m.
Agnesian Bereavement Center
1161 W. Johnson Street, Fond du Lac
agnesian.com
AgnesiAn HeAltHCAre is sponsored by tHe CongregAtion of sisters of st. Agnes
APR-0228 02/13/17
Agnesian HealthCare
Bereavement Center & Grief Relief
1161 W. Johnson Street
Fond du Lac, WI 54937
{
To support our mission of being good stewards
with our resources, we will be offering the
printed version of Healing Thoughts in an e-mail
version. To make sure you receive your electronic
Healing Thoughts newsletter, subscribe by
visiting agnesian.com/healing-thoughts.
{
Drumming for the Soul
Who knew that a drumming circle could
change my life? Last year was pretty stressful
for me. I spent a great deal of time caring for
my mom who was on hospice. As a caregiver,
I devoted my time and energy to doctor
appointments, running back and forth to the
hospital, endless calls, and helping my family
manage and cope with the reality of mom’s
illness.
A few months ago, some friends asked if I
would join them for a fun night out. They had
found out about this free drumming circle in
Fond du Lac and wanted to try it out. I said
sure why not; my other option was to stay home
and watch TV with the dog. Now this is not
something I have on my bucket list of things to
do before I die. But I was very surprised when it
was all said and done.
Robin leads an informal drumming circle;
no talent required. I like to call him the
“Drumming Guru.” Robin has a way of making
everyone feel comfortable and safe to express
their inner drummer. He encourages you to
play from the heart. Robin explains that there
are no mistakes in playing the drums because
there are no music sheets to follow. Whether
you play fast or slow, loud or soft, high or low
sounds it doesn’t matter the sounds slowly
begin to blend together to make a unique
sound. You may come as an individual and
leave with a sense of community.
As I continued to attend the monthly drumming
circle, I found myself beginning to feel better,
the heaviness of my daily life became lighter,
and I found myself happier and content with
my life.
I was surprised to feel a sense of calmness
from within. The stress and anxiety of my day
began to melt away as breathing slowed and
the beat of my heart became one with the
sound of the bass drum. The only way I can
explain this is I began to feel grounded again.
Agnesian HealthCare Drumming Circle
First Tuesday night from 7 to 9 p.m.
St. Agnes Chapel - FREE
Visit agnesian.com/bereavement.
Now before you decide that drumming is not
for you, I encourage you to stop by and try
the drumming circle with Robin at Agnesian
HealthCare. You may be very surprised to find
your inner drummer.
I want to say thank you to my friends for asking
me to join them that one Tuesday night.
The Beat Goes On
Dawn M. Rehrauer, Bereavement Counselor