Field Dressing 2 Dozen Roses
Most local dads teach their sons how to gut a
fish, as well as how to clean a dove and rip
their breast out before cooking either or both
of them on the BBQ. Their intent is to equip
their son to be able to live off of the land.
I want you to also be able to thrive in a
marriage relationship; therefore, to complete
your training, I will now give a quick lesson on
how to field dress two dozen roses.
For those of you who are now saying to
yourself “why bother, all I need to do is order a
dozen roses from an internet florist”, my
response is “That $100 cost is a $50 waste of
money”.
Besides, you would also be putting your marital
success into the hands of a delivery driver
whom may not do that well.
Having flowers delivered to the lady down the
hall with the same first name happens more
often than is advertised, and by going that
route you will miss the gleam in your wife’s
eye you will receive when you walk up to the
correct office, correct desk, and correct woman
with the roses.
What I am saying is for half the cost or less of
having some delivered, I can field dress 2 dozen
roses bought in a grocery store and deliver
them myself.
And that’s when the fun begins as on my way
out of the office I get to hear comments like “I
wish my husband would bring me flowers” and
“Can we clone him?” Talk about giving bragging
rights to your spouse!
The roses set up multiple opportunities for her
to tell them that the Christian marriage models
the relationship between Christ and the
church.
Now that I have you guy’s attention, let me
complete your education:
1. First pick a day when you want to take
flowers and a card to your wife’s work.
2. Second, it helps to pre-plan by secretly
putting a vase, a pair of scissors, and a
small container of water in your trunk.
3. Third, ask your boss for the afternoon
off and then drive to a supermarket like
Fry’s which carries top quality flowers at a
reasonable price. I like Fry’s because if
need be I can buy a new vase, a card, and
the flowers all in the same place.
4. Fourth, get a cart, go into the store and
make your purchases. On your trip out to
the parking lot, be aware that the two
dozen roses are
now out of water
and that isn’t a
good thing.
5. Fifth, upon reaching the car, open your
trunk, pull out your vase and place it in the
child seat portion of the cart. Be sure and
pour some water into the vase before using
the scissors to cut through the cellophane
wrapper around the flowers. Next lay that
cellophane down in
the trunk to use as the
work table.
6. Sixth, cut the rubber bands holding the
roses together and
use the first rose as a
gage in identifying
how long all the
roses need to be.
To do that hold the rose next to the vase and
determine how much needs to be cut off.
Use the scissors to cut the stem of the flower
at an angle as angled cuts will extend the life
of the rose.
7. Seventh, place the
cut rose on your work
surface and use it as a
measuring stick when
cutting all the other roses.
Before placing each rose in the vase be sure
to strip leaves that might end up underwater
from off of the rose stem.
8. Eighth, having
processed all of the roses
and placed them in the
vase add the powder in
the little packets that
came with the flowers to
the water in the vase.
9. Then put the vase into the passenger
seat. Be sure to seatbelt
the vase in so it doesn’t
spill. Go back and close
your trunk before moving
the cart out of the way.
10. Next drive your precious contents to
your wife’s work, park the vehicle, put on a
smile, and deliver your precious love
offering to your wife.
11. Having scored big with your wife, you
now have an empty house to do what-ever
you want. Assuming you planned well i.e.
used some of that saved money to pick up
chips, dip, and a war movie, go home and
have an enjoyable afternoon while waiting
on your honey.
Oh, by the way, she will be coming home to
spend time with you, and if you make her
wait while you finish the movie, you will have
just wasted the money you spent on flowers!