The Costa Rican Bandwagon
After they had presented to White Bear Lake Rotary, we had three teachers from Costa Rica visit
Central on Wednesday. They visited fourteen classes and talked with kids and answered
questions non-stop from period two until the end of the day, with a brief respite for lunch. Here
is a summary of the types of questions Central kids asked the Costa Rican visitors and the
response from the Costa Ricans. I have included my observer comments since I was with the
Costa Ricans all day.
Q: Is it hot in Costa Rica?
A: Sometimes. But it’s pleasant. It’s usually about 76 degrees. We don’t have the snow like you
do. Very cold here.
Observer Comment: Our kids want to move to Costa Rica.
Q: What is the school day like for kids?
A: For our students, school starts at 6:50 a.m. and ends at 4:30 p.m.
Observer Comment: Our kids change their minds and no longer want to move to Costa Rica.
Q: Are there volcanoes in Costa Rica?
A: Yes. They are sometimes beautiful at night and tourists come to see the red lava.
Observer Comment: Our kids think this would be cool to watch. They are back on the Costa Rica
bandwagon.
Q: What do kids wear to school in Costa Rica?
A: Our students wear a uniform. It is very easy for them to decide what to wear.
Observer Comment: The bandwagon to Costa Rica is suddenly empty.
Q: What kinds of animals live in Costa Rica?
A: We have lots of birds that migrate from North America. We also have lots of monkeys. They
will steal your food if you don’t watch them. And they make lots of noises and sounds at night.
Observer Comment: Our kids are back on the Costa Rica bandwagon. They want to feed the
monkeys.
Q: Do students help out with cleaning the classrooms in Costa Rica?
A: Yes. They help clean the classroom and sweep the floor before leaving.
Observer Comment: Bandwagon once again bereft of passengers.
Q: What type of money do you have in Costa Rica?
A: The visitors take out a number of bills and show the students what Costa Rican bills look like.
They show our kids a 2,000 Colone bill (about $4 US dollars) with pictures of sharks. A 5,000
Colone bill has the picture of a Tucan. A 20,000 Colone bill has a picture of a hummingbird
which migrates to Minnesota. All of the pictures are very vivid and colorful.
Observer Comment: Our kids like the color and pictures on Costa Rican bills better than ours.
Kids Jump back on the bandwagon.
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Today in Career Café, students who were interested, listened to a software engineer/designer talk
about how he got into the field. About twenty students signed up to hear his story. The career
café is run by our counseling department. Look for more Career Café’s in the future. (Note: Your
child must sign up ahead of time in the counseling office.) Career Café opportunities will be
listed in the daily announcements.
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My kid doesn’t listen to me. I’ve taken everything away—the TV, the cell phone, the Xbox,
and they still don’t follow my rules. What do I do?
Pounding your middle school child with negative consequences doesn’t always work. You also
need to have positive consequences. How does that work? Let’s use an example. Let’s say your
child loves playing with the Xbox and has spent hours on Halo 4 and Call of Duty and Skyrim
and has saved the Universe from extraterrestrial threat and stopped the Nazi’s in their tracks and
killed the evil dragons, thus allowing the kingdom to thrive and prosper once again. [Note:
We’re going to ignore the fact all of these games are rated “M” for mature and most middle
school kids shouldn’t be playing them anyway—but I know they are playing them so we’re
going to use them in our example. In general, the more violent the game the more they will want
to play it]
Instead of buying them the game, have them earn it. For example, you might say that for every
day they follow the rules in the house and complete their chores, they earn $1 for the future
purchase of an Xbox game. Make a chart and have 59 squares on the chart. The average new
Xbox game is $59. For every day they follow the rules of the house and complete their chores,
mark off one square, indicating they have earned a dollar. For every day they don’t follow the
rules of the house or complete their chores, simply say, “We’ll try it again tomorrow.” Don’t
argue with them, even though they will want to argue with you.
In our example, the fastest way they can earn the Xbox game will be in 59 days. Are you now
getting 59 consecutive days of good behavior around the house? If you are having problems
with your child, the answer is probably going to be—no. The slowest way they can earn the
Xbox game will be until eternity. If it takes them four months to earn the game it takes them
four months. If it takes them six months to earn the game, it takes them six months. Whatever
you do—don’t give/buy them the game until all 59 squares are checked off. Ignore their
whining, their temper tantrums, and their claims of how “mean you are,” and how “you don’t
love them anymore.” All of these are tactics designed to crumble your willpower. If you give
in, you are going to deserve all the problems you are going to get. All you will have taught your
child is that what you say means nothing.
You can use this formula for almost anything—visits to Valleyfair, trips to the Mall of America,
a weekend at the lake with grandpa and grandma, or a night of pizza with their buddies. All you
have to do is find something that your child wants and make them earn it slowly. You don’t
have to use 59 days, but pick a timeframe that makes sense for the situation. As a bonus, you’ll
be teaching them the psychological concept of delayed gratification, which is about the most
important psychological concept you can ever give them.
I’m not saying every day will be fun or pleasant. But hold firm and work on creating the
conditions for your child to earn things, rather than always taking things away when they
misbehave. You’re still going to be taking things away when they make mistake and do dumb
things, but you also need to give your child a ray of hope they can work themselves out of a bad
jam into something they view as beneficial.