Sibling Session
Orientation
Post Arrival
Session Overview
This session will give the host siblings a chance to talk about how the
experience is going so far. Activities will allow host siblings the
opportunity to experience some of the challenges their exchange student
may be facing as well as share ideas they may have about how to be a
more loveable host brother or sister.
Participants
Students
Natural Parents
Format
Highly Active / Interactive
Some Activity / Interactivity
Duration
80 minutes
Group Size
Any size
Minimum Staffing
2 facilitators
Materials Needed
Preparation
Host Parents
Host Siblings
Discussion
Independent
•
Chatter etiquette strips – cut into strips to pass out –one per
sibling
•
Chatter debriefing questions for facilitator
•
Handout - How to Be a Loveable Host Sibling
•
Flipchart to record additional ways the group feels they could be a
more lovable host sibling to share in Wrap Up.
Read through all of the material and make sure you are comfortable
discussing it
Copy and cut etiquette sheet into strips
Make sure you have an open area where people can move around freely
INTRODUCTION (5 minutes)
This session will give the host siblings a chance to talk about how the experience is going
so far. Activities will allow host siblings the opportunity to experience some of the
challenges their exchange student may be facing as well as share ideas they may have
about how to be a more loveable host brother or sister.
ACTIVITY Behavior Continuum Discussion (15 MINUTES)
You’ve just welcomed a new brother or sister into your home. Let’s talk about how we can
make this a fun experience for everyone. One of the hardest parts of this experience is
figuring out how to communicate. Let’s think back to the activity we just did with your
family, including your new international sibling.
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Can anyone give me an example from the behavior continuum where the reactions to a
topic were very different? How might you help to make the gap smaller? Encourage
participants to help each other and offer suggestions. Mention that some of the student’s
behaviors may be tied to their culture and difficult if not impossible to change.
Ask: Based on what you have learned today or things you are experiencing,
•
What are some things you don’t understand?
•
Is there anything that you dislike?
•
What are some things you love about your new sibling?
ACTIVITY Confessions of a Host Sister (15 MINUTES)
Now we would like to share with you an actual letter that was written by an American host
sister, Devon, about her exchange sister, Mona.
Confessions of a Host Sister
By Devon M., Stewartsville, NJ
Her name was Mona Alice. She was tall, slim, 15-years-old, and redheaded. Her interests
included the flute, volleyball, and reading. She was from Hamburg, Germany. As I scanned
the details on her exchange student’s profile, I instantly liked her, as I played an
instrument and liked to read as well. I then turned to Mona’s personal letter, and through
her writing I could see that she was a very pleasant and charming girl. Although my
parents were not planning to host an exchange student anytime in the near future, I felt
that I had to meet Mona; I had to be her host sister.
A few weeks and a lot of discussion later, we decided to host Mona for the entire school
year. My younger sister and I were so excited because we would get to have another sister
for a year! Even though I would not meet Mona for a couple months, I was already
planning on spending lots of time with her, becoming best friends. I had even written an
essay for English class about how excited I was to meet her. When Mona arrived at Newark
airport at approximately 12:30 A.M. on August 17, quite energetic and friendly despite the
fact that she had probably been awake for almost 24 hours, my fantasies about having
another confidante still held true. However, it was clear from the events that unfolded
during the year that I was a bit idealistic.
I had never thought that Mona and I might not always get along. After all, I had chosen to
have her live with us. I should have known this though, considering that I had already been
an older sister for almost fourteen years and was used to the inevitable bickering, sharing
the bathroom and fighting for attention. Now, instead of having one younger sibling with
whom to vie for space, I had two. Also, I was a junior in high school, and had more
schoolwork than I had expected. I was very stressed. It was an obvious recipe for tension.
The one thing that caused the most strife between Mona and me was the amount of
attention people seemed to give her, and the lack of attention I thought they gave me. As
a quiet person, I had enough trouble trying to get others’ attention and feel included.
While today I am happy that so many people were not only friendly to Mona but also
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genuinely interested in her culture, at the time I felt jealous that random strangers,
relatives, and friends would ignore me in favor of having an engaging conversation with
“the German girl.” I did not directly take my frustration out on Mona, but I was angry with
her for being able to charm people instantly, while this was extremely difficult for me. It
felt like I had lost my identity. I wanted people to notice me when I spoke, to think of me
as “Devon,” instead of “Mona’s host sister.”
Although I was often frustrated with Mona, we definitely did get along at times. Mona was
always curious about how my day was, and was concerned when I was upset. When one of
my friends had hurt my feelings, she made sure I was okay. When my crush had given me a
ride home from an academic team event, she wanted to know all the details. Mona
became one of my confidantes. I could tell her secrets or opinions that I had trouble
expressing to others. We even planned to drive to the beach once I had my license. I
realize that, at times, we were quite close. In some ways, we were like sisters.
However, I did not admit to myself that Mona was not purposely trying to steal attention
from me until it was almost time for her to return to Germany. It was then that I realized
that I should have been proud that I was hosting such an good-natured girl. While I did
learn a lot about Mona’s culture when we were at home, I wish I had listened when she
shared it with other people, instead of letting my anger silently stew. Mona is a very kind,
funny, and genuine person who I am glad that I got to know over the past school year. She
did not become homesick; she truly wanted to immerse herself in our culture. I miss the
fact that she was only a few steps away if I wanted to talk to her. Now, there is an ocean
between us. That being said, one of my biggest regrets is not recognizing this sooner.
Thus far, hosting Mona was probably one of the best learning experiences I have had. Of
course, hosting an exchange student exposed me to a different culture; however, the most
important thing I learned was how to improve myself. I had to adapt to sharing the house
(more so the bathroom than anything else) with an extra person. Also, I realized that I
could not gain a new best friend by simply choosing to have her live with me. Developing
strong friendships can take months or years of work; we cannot develop them overnight or
out of convenience. Finally, I learned a huge lesson about myself. If I want people to
notice me, I have to make an effort to be outgoing. I also have tell myself that there will be
some instances where I may feel ignored or boring, but I have to get past them and not let
them shake my confidence.
I am very grateful that Mona and I ended up getting along by the end of her visit to the
United States. The last week of her stay was the probably the most bittersweet. My family
packed a lot of activities into that week; we went to a water park and had a going away
party for Mona. Leaving Mona at the airport was one of the saddest things I have ever had
to do. The first few weeks after she left were surreal. It was weird not having the house
filled with her chatter. Everyone in my family instantly became sad when we heard
“Bleeding Love” on the radio, but no Mona singing along. Luckily, I have been able to
communicate with Mona via Facebook. I hope I will be able to visit her home. The next
time I see Mona, I know we will be as close as we were by the end of her stay. We will
greet each other, happy, reunited, as sisters.
Ask:
•
What was the most difficult thing for the host sister to adjust to?
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(All the attention that Mona got.)
•
Why was that a problem?
(Devon was quiet and not very outgoing. She felt she had lost her identity)
•
What did Devon learn?
(How to improve herself; strong true, friendships take a long time to develop; “If I
want to be noticed, I have to make an effort to be outgoing;” Mona was a caring
friend who wasn’t trying to get all the attention and was always there if I needed
her.)
ENERGIZER (5 MINUTES)
1. In pairs, have host siblings ask their partner questions to learn about each other. The
catch is that neither person can use words that contain the letters “n” or “r”.
2. When they present their partner to the group, they should still refrain from words that
contain the letters “n” or “r”.
Give the host siblings 5 minutes to complete the interview. Debrief the challenges it
creates not having full usage of a language. Relate the experience to what their
exchange brother/sister might be experiencing.
ACTIVITY How to be a Loveable Host Brother/Sister (5 MINUTES)
1. Ask participants to brainstorm ways they can be a lovable host brother or sister.
2. Pass out the How to be a Lovable Host Sibling handout. Review the list and discuss
any changes or additions they may want to make. Record their answers on
flipchart to share with host parents and international siblings.
ACTIVITY - CHATTER (30 MINUTES)
"Chatter" is a simulation game, created by the Peace Corp that asks players to pay
attention to the subtleties of communication and to discuss how these influence our
perceptions of individuals and groups. The following material was written by and for the
Peace Corp.
Facilitator Notes:
Students will discover that cultural norms heavily influence how we communicate. They
will experience the challenge of using and interpreting unfamiliar communication patterns
and identify strategies for successful cross-cultural communication.
Language is one of the most obvious and one of the most complicated defining features of
a culture. And language—vocabulary, syntax, intonation—is but one aspect of the
complex communication patterns that groups use to share meaning and experience.
Kristyn Leftridge served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Morocco from 1991 to 1992. In this
example from the Peace Corps' collection of "Hello Data," she describes the difficulty of a
simple greeting.
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In Moroccan Arabic the standard basic greeting is "Salam oo-alley koom." It translates
literally to "Peace be unto you." The appropriate response is "Oo-alley koom salam,"
meaning "And unto you peace." But knowing the words is not enough. Greetings in
Morocco will go on for many minutes—sometimes up to half an hour—as the parties ask
about each other's health, faith in Allah, families, work, etc. Moroccans will shake hands
when greeting, touching the heart immediately after the handshake to show that the
greeting is sincere. Sometimes instead of touching the heart, they will kiss their own hand
after the handshake as a sign of particular esteem or affection. In the case of family or
close friends, women greeting women and men greeting men will kiss each other's cheeks
back and forth a few times. In the north, it's right cheek–left cheek–right cheek. In other
parts of the country, it could be right–left–right, or right–left only. How much you kiss
cheeks also depends on how much you like the person, or how long it's been since you've
seen the person. The longer it's been, the more kisses are exchanged. Women and men
who are not related never kiss.
Activity
1. Move the classroom furniture to the sides of the room so that the siblings have
plenty of room to move around.
2. Shuffle the etiquette strips and give one to each student. Ask the students to keep
their strips hidden from each other and to study them carefully.
3. Explain that they will be attending a party with guests from many different
cultures. The etiquette strips define the roles that siblings will play as they make
small talk at the party. The facilitators will look for behaviors indicating frustration
or special efforts participants make to understand the "rules" of communication.
4. Ask the students to form small groups of 2-3 and talk with each other using the
conversational rules described on their etiquette strips. Siblings should not
divulge the contents of their strips. The facilitators should watch the groups as
they converse, looking for behaviors to discuss during the debriefing.
5. Blow a whistle after 3-5 minutes and ask the siblings to form themselves into new
groups.
6. These groups should start a new conversation, continuing to follow the
instructions on their etiquette strips. Again, the facilitators should watch the
groups as they converse, looking for changes that might occur between the two
sessions.
7. Blow the whistle again after another 3-5minutes and ask them to stop talking.
8. Tell them that there are 12 different etiquette strips and that it is possible for more
than one person in each group to have the same strip. Ask them to think back
silently about their conversations and to guess what instructions each player had
on his or her strip. After a brief pause, ask the participants to take turns telling
their guesses to the rest of the groups. However, no sibling should confirm or deny
anyone's guesses at this time.
9. Tell the participants that some etiquette strips said, "Be yourself." Ask them to try
to guess if any member of the group was acting as himself or herself.
10. Ask the siblings to tell one another what their etiquette sheet said. Were their
guesses accurate?
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Debrief
Use questions such as the following to guide discussion about the challenges of crosscultural communication. Be sure to ask the facilitators to share their observations of
group and individual behavior to help give everyone a broader view of the activity.
1. How did you feel about this exercise? Were you relieved or disappointed when it
came to an end? Why?
2. What happened during the simulation? Did any of you feel embarrassed or
frustrated during the conversations? What made you feel that way? Was it the way
your etiquette strip asked you to behave? Or the way someone else was instructed
to behave? Why do you think you reacted the way you did?
3. Did you consider any of the behavior patterns in this exercise rude or offensive? If
so, was it one of your behaviors or someone else's? Why did this behavior bother
you?
4. What were the differences between your conversations in the first group and in the
second group? Why do you think these differences occurred? Does this happen in
real-life situations?
5. Did you correctly guess the etiquette-strip behaviors at the conclusion of the
activity?
6. Discuss the following statements. Ask siblings whether they agree or disagree with
each statement. Ask them to use examples of their experiences from the game and
from real life to support their opinions.
• There is more to a conversation than just the words and sentences.
• We tend to judge other people based on what we think is "normal."
• Behaviors that we consider to be bizarre or rude may be acceptable or polite in
other cultures.
• Sometimes you may feel negative about another person because his or her
conversational style seems strange.
• After time, people get used to unusual behaviors and begin paying more
attention to the topic of the conversation.
7. What real-world situations are represented in this game? What do the etiquette
strips represent?
8. Can you think of any conversational behaviors you exhibit that others might find
distracting or strange? (Hint: Do teenagers have ways of communicating that
adults don't understand?)
9. What might have happened if the conversations had lasted for 45 minutes instead
of 5-10 minutes?
10. What would have happened if you had been asked to solve a homework problem
with the other members of your group?
11. What advice would you give a friend who is about to participate in this activity for
the first time?
12. What if you were to visit a foreign country? Based on your experiences during this
activity, what are some things you could do to make communication easier?
WRAP UP (5 MINUTES)
We’d like everyone to share with the group something you learned or realized today that
will help your hosting experience this year be the best it can be. What was your “Aha”
moment?
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CHATTER ETIQUETTE STRIPS
(Make a copy of this, then cut into strips. If you have more than 12 siblings, make
additional copies to cut apart and distribute.)
It is impolite to shout, so whisper. Even if people cannot hear you,
do not raise your voice.
---------------------------------------It is impolite to talk to more than one person at the same time.
Always talk to a single person standing near you so that you can
have a private conversation. Do not address your remarks to the
group as a whole.
---------------------------------------------It is important to get others' attention before you speak, so hold
your hand above your head and snap your fingers before you make
a statement or ask a question. That's the polite way to get
everyone's attention.
---------------------------------------------It is impolite to crowd people, so maintain your distance. Stand
away so that there is at least an arm's length between you and the
nearest person. If anyone gets too close to you, back off until you
have achieved the required distance.
---------------------------------------------It is friendly to share your thoughts and feelings without any
inhibition, so make several self-disclosure statements. Describe
your intimate feelings about different subjects. Ask personal
questions of the other members of the group.
---------------------------------------------It is impolite to stare at people, so avoid eye contact. Look at the
floor or the speaker's shoes. Do not look at the speaker's face.
---------------------------------------------It is polite and reassuring to reach out and touch someone. Touch
people on the arm or the shoulder when you speak to them.
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It is important to show your enthusiasm, so jump in before other
speakers have finished their sentences and add your ideas.
Remember, it is rude to hold back your thoughts.
---------------------------------------------It is impolite to speak impulsively. Whenever somebody asks you a
question, silently count to seven before you give an answer.
---------------------------------------------It is impolite to be aloof from others. Stand close to others until you
nearly touch them. If someone backs off, keep moving closer.
---------------------------------------------Be yourself! Behave as you would normally behave at an informal
party.
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How To Be A Loveable Host Sibling
Be patient. Your exchange student didn’t grow up with the same parents, let
alone the same rules as you. Everything is new and they are learning things
for the first time.
Don’t judge. There’s more than one right way. Exchange students are still
just teenagers but they didn’t grow up in this country or in your family.
Teach and learn. Differences in culture means variations in what is and isn’t
the right way to behave. Learn about your student’s culture and teach
him/her about yours.
Assist. Some students have difficulty making friends and meeting people.
Explain what teenagers like to do and how they should talk to people at
school.
Be kind.
Include. Your exchange student will be anxious to join family and school
activities. Help him/her learn how to do this and how to balance family,
friends, and school.
Help with school and homework. Textbooks are sometimes hard for
American students; they can be really hard for exchange students. Many
students don’t know how important doing your homework is.
Be open minded. People who think their way of doing something is the only
way are not fun to be around.
Take time for your new brother or sister. They are only living with you for
10 months but the relationship you have with him/her will last a lifetime.
Make time for each other and make an effort to get to know one another.
Add your ideas here…..
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