Activity Two: Writing
1.
As the musical selection begins again, listen to the piece and imagine that it is the background
music for a scene in a movie that has a setting, characters, and plot.
2. While the music continues to play, brainstorm what this scene may look like by completing the
following chart:
Elements
Description of the element in my scene
Physical Setting
Time of Day/Year
Character Descriptions
Action – What are my characters doing?
3. Write a paragraph describing your scene. Your description should capture the feelings you
identified while listening to the music.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
5
Activity Three: Determining Mood
1.
Exchange what you have written with a partner. Read your partner’s work silently, and using
your Mood Words handout, write at the top of the page one word that describes the mood of the
story. Underline any words or phrases that help you determine the mood of the work.
2. Look closely at your partner’s word choice. In the left column, choose verbs and adjectives from
your partner’s paragraph and write them in the blanks. In the middle column, write a replacement
for the original word that has a positive connotation. In the left column, write a replacement for
the original word that has a negative connotation.
For example:
Original verb: shone
Positive: gleamed
Negative: glared
Verbs
Positive Connotation
Negative Connotation
A. ________________
__________________
___________________
B. ________________
__________________
___________________
C. ________________
__________________
___________________
Verbs
Positive Connotation
Negative Connotation
A. ________________
__________________
___________________
B. ________________
__________________
___________________
C. ________________
__________________
___________________
After completing your chart, explain how your replacement words might strengthen, change, or
weaken the mood of the author’s paragraph.
4. Pass back the story to its author. Discuss with the author whether the mood you perceived is the
same as the mood your partner intended.
3.
Activity Four: Revising
1. Using your Mood Words handout, consider other words that best fit your story’s mood. Identify
one of those words at the top of your paper and note whether that word is positive, neutral, or
negative.
2. Add two sentences to your draft that definitely establish the mood you hope to convey without
using the word itself.
3. Choose one of your sentences and add a detail about sound, taste, touch, smell, or sight (imagery)
that also captures the mood you are trying to convey.
4. Add a detail or image using two types of figurative language, such as similes, metaphors, or
personification. Again, consider your mood when adding your figures of speech.
6
5. Revise one sentence so it includes a sound device (assonance, alliteration, onomatopoeia) that
helps support your mood.
6. Replace two linking verbs with vivid action verbs that help convey your mood.
Activity Five: Consciously changing your tone
1. Look closely at your choice. In the left column, choose verbs, adjectives, and figures of speech
from your paragraph and write them in the blanks. In the right column, write a replacement for
the original word/phrase that conveys the opposite mood.
For example:
Original verb: snuggled
Opposite mood: smothered
Original figure of speech: floats like a butterfly
Opposite mood: stings like a bee
Verbs___________________________________Opposite Mood____________________________
Adjectives________________________________Opposite Mood___________________________
Figures of Speech__________________________Opposite Mood___________________________
2. Rewrite your original paragraph, using alterative choices to change the mood of your paragraph.
A. Which paragraph do you like best? Why?
B. Share your favorite paragraph with the class and ask your classmates to identify your mood.
7
MOOD
POSITIVE MOOD WORDS
NEGATIVE MOOD WORDS
Contemplative
Annoyed
Serious
Content
Anxious
Somber
Determined
Apathetic
Suspenseful
Fanciful
Apprehensive
Tense
Grateful
Brooding
Terrifying
Happy
Cold
Threatening
Harmonious
Confused
Uncomfortable
Hopeful
Cynical
Violent
Idyllic
Desolate
Restless
Joyous
Dreary
Light-hearted
Embarrassed
Loving
Foreboding
Mellow
Frightening
Nostalgic
Gloomy
Optimistic
Haunting
Passionate
Hopeless
Peaceful
Horrified
Playful
Hostile
Sentimental
Indifferent
Silly
Lethargic
Sympathetic
Lonely
Thankful
Melancholy
Thoughtful
Moody
Touched
Mysterious
Trustful
Nightmarish
Warm
Pensive
Welcoming
Pessimistic
8
NATIONAL
MATH + SCIENCE
INITIATIVE
English
Reading for Analysis
and Writing
Commentary in
The First Betrayal
by Patricia Bray
Grade 8
OBJECTIVES
Students will
● analyze an excerpt from a novel to determine
how the author establishes mood through
literary devices.
● identify patterns in literature that affect
meaning.
● develop assertions about an author’s choice of
literary devices.
● write and expand commentary that supports
assertions.
In this lesson, students will analyze patterns of
diction, detail, figures of speech, and imagery to
discover how an author creates mood. By using such
strategies as graphic organizers, frame statements,
and guided questions, students will gain the skills
necessary to discover patterns in texts and to link
those patterns to more abstract ideas concerning
tone, purpose, or theme. Students will also develop
commentary to support the assertions they make
about the author’s use of literary devices.
TEXT COMPLEXITY
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray, copyright © by
Patricia Bray. Used by permission of Bantam Books,
a division of Random House, Inc.
Digital Image. Daniel P.B. Smith, via Wikimedia
Commons. 30 September 2013. Public Domain.
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Boston_Light.jpg.
Passages for LTF English lessons are selected to
challenge students, while lessons and activities make
texts accessible. Guided practice with challenging
texts allows students to gain the proficiency
necessary to read independently at or above grade
level. The readability measure of this passage from
Patricia Bray’s The First Betrayal places it at the top
of the 6-8 grade level Common Core text complexity
reading band.
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9
T E A C H E R
Students are frequently asked to analyze a literary
text and write an analysis essay. Middle grades
students must become adept not only at identifying
literary elements and devices, such as figurative
language, details, and imagery, but also at analyzing
how those elements create meaning and contribute to
style.
P A G E S
ABOUT THIS LESSON
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
COGNITIVE RIGOR
English lessons for LTF are designed to guide
students through a continuum of increasingly
complex thinking skills, including those outlined in
taxonomies such as the Revised Bloom’s Taxonomy
and Webb’s Depth of Knowledge Levels. This lesson
requires students to begin at the Understand level of
Revised Bloom’s Taxonomy (Webb’s DOK Level 1)
as students identify literary elements and progress to
the Create level (Webb’s DOK Level 3) as students
synthesize the information within one passage to
develop an analysis that is defended with textual
evidence.
T E A C H E R
P A G E S
This lesson is included in Module 5: Developing a
Focused Response.
CONNECTION TO COMMON
CORE STANDARDS FOR ENGLISH
LANGUAGE ARTS
The activities in this lesson allow teachers to address
the following Common Core Standards:
Explicitly addressed in this lesson
RL.8.1: Cite the evidence that most strongly
supports an analysis of what the text says
explicitly as well as inferences drawn
from the text.
RL.8.3: Analyze how particular lines of dialogue
or incidents in a story or drama propel the
action, reveal aspects of a character, or
provoke a decision.
RL.8.4: Determine the meaning of words and
phrases as they are used in a text,
including figurative and connotative
meanings; analyze the impact of specific
word choices on meaning and tone,
including analogies or allusions to other
texts.
W.8.2:
Write informative/explanatory texts
to examine a topic and convey ideas,
concepts, and information through the
selection, organization, and analysis of
relevant content.
W.8.4:
W.8.9:
a. Introduce a topic clearly, previewing
what is to follow; organize ideas,
concepts, and information, into broader
categories; include formatting (e.g.,
headings), graphics (e.g., charts,
tables), and multimedia when useful to
aiding comprehension.
b. Develop the topic with relevant,
well-chosen facts, definitions,
concrete details, quotations, or other
information and examples.
c. Use appropriate and varied transitions
to create cohesion and clarify the
relationships among ideas and
concepts.
d. Use precise language and domainspecific vocabulary to inform about or
explain the topic.
e. Establish and maintain a formal style.
f. Provide a concluding statement or
section that follows from and supports
the information or explanation
presented.
Produce clear and coherent writing in
which the development, organization, and
style are appropriate to task, purpose, and
audience. (Grade-specific expectations
for writing types are defined in standards
1-3 above.)
Draw evidence from literary or
informational texts to support analysis,
reflection, and research.
a. Apply grade 8 Reading standards
to literature (e.g., “Analyze how a
modern work of fiction draws on
themes, patterns of events, or character
types from myths, traditional stories,
or religious works such as the Bible,
including describing how the material
is rendered new”).
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10
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
CONNECTIONS TO AP*
To be college and career ready, students are expected
to be familiar with a variety of literary devices and
to be able to discuss how authors use the devices to
create meaning in a text. The AP Literature and AP
Language courses require students to analyze texts
for authors’ manipulation of language, and students
must be proficient in such analysis to be successful
on the exams associated with these courses.
*Advanced Placement and AP are registered trademarks
of the College Entrance Examination Board. The College
Board was not involved in the production of this material.
● copies of Student Activity
● copies of the excerpt from The First Betrayal
by Patricia Bray
ASSESSMENTS
The following kinds of formative assessments are
embedded in this lesson:
●
●
●
●
guided questions
graphic organizers
frame statements
writing assignment
The following additional assessment is located on
the NMSI website:
● 2011 8th Grade Free Response (Style
Analysis) with Scoring Guidelines and
Rangefinders
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11
P A G E S
MATERIALS AND RESOURCES
T E A C H E R
Implicitly addressed in this lesson
RL.8.10: By the end of the year, read and
comprehend literature, including stories,
dramas, and poems, at the high end of
the grades 6-8 text complexity band
independently and proficiently.
W.8.10: Write routinely over extended time
frames (time for research, reflection,
and revision) and shorter time frames (a
single sitting or a day or two) for a range
of discipline-specific tasks, purposes, and
audiences.
SL.8.1: Engage effectively in a range of
collaborative discussions (one-on-one,
in groups, and teacher-led) with diverse
partners on grade 8 topics, texts, and
issues, building on others’ ideas and
expressing their own clearly.
SL.8.6: Adapt speech to a variety of contexts and
tasks, demonstrating command of formal
English when indicated or appropriate.
(See grade 8 Language standards 1 and 3
for specific expectations).
L.8.2:
Demonstrate command of the
conventions of standard English
capitalization, punctuation, and spelling
when writing.
L.8.3:
Use knowledge of language and its
conventions when writing, speaking,
reading, or listening.
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
T
TEACHING SUGGESTIONS
T E A C H E R
P A G E S
he activities in this lesson should be used
as a whole group guided practice or small
group guided practice and not assigned as
independent practice until students are familiar with
the process of literary analysis.
Activity One: Before writing a literary analysis
essay, students must clearly understand the specific
directives of the prompt. One helpful mnemonic
device for analyzing an AP style prompt is the
acronym BAC (background, abstract, concrete).
Most AP-style prompts contain some type of
background information: a reference to the genre, the
author, or historical period of the work. In addition,
an AP style analysis prompt will direct students to
“analyze how the author uses literary devices” or
concrete elements to create abstract meaning such as
tone, mood, characterization, or purpose.
Activity Two: Students should read and annotate
the passage for words and phrases that create
suspense before beginning the lesson. You might
ask a few volunteers to share their annotations
under a document camera to facilitate a whole
class discussion. Stress to students that annotation
means “adding notes” and not merely underlining or
highlighting text.
Activity Four: After students complete the graphic
organizer for light and dark imagery, facilitate a
class discussion over Questions A, B, and C. If this
lesson is being used as an introduction to writing
commentary, model the process of completing the
first frame statement. An example is provided for
you in the suggested answers. Explain that using
the words, “This shows that . . .” will help students
develop commentary. When writing the analytical
response in Activity Six, students will use the
Marker Verb student resource to vary the wording in
their paragraphs.
Activity Five: Because line numbers are provided,
most students will be able to complete this activity
independently. You might use this short activity as a
formative assessment.
Understanding Commentary: Provide students
with a copy of the Understanding Commentary
section of the lesson. Below are two examples from
student essays that you might show to students after
they have completed the written response in Activity
Six. In both examples the student offers commentary
that explains how the use of diction creates suspense.
Example of Adequate Student
Commentary (from a 4 essay)
“When I hear the word groped I think of
somebody that lost their glasses and is on
their hands and knees trying to find their
glasses. The author probably used this word
to tell how dark it is. It shows he can’t even
see right in front of his face.”
Activity Three: This activity encourages students
to identify patterns of diction by grouping similar
words together. Teachers may wish to create a set of
diction cards and let students work in small groups to
arrange the cards into patterns of at least three words.
If you have an interactive white board, you may wish
to create a document containing the words so that
students can use this technology to group the words
into patterns. Once the words have been grouped,
direct students to the list of descriptive words for
diction in the gray box or help them brainstorm other
appropriate words to describe the author’s diction.
Allow students to complete the frame statements in
Part B in groups or individually with guided practice
and then share their responses under the document
camera.
Example of Insightful Student
Commentary (from a 6 essay)
“‘Unease’ and ‘terror’ are so different but are
used in the same passage. Unease relates to
more of a controlled, somber fear, whereas
terror is uncontrollable, unbridled, pure fear
where almost nothing is rational anymore.
Josan begins with a small amount of unease,
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12
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
T E A C H E R
Activity Six: Students are directed in Activity Six
to write a literary analysis essay according to their
teacher’s instructions. If this is the first time students
are introduced to literary analysis, you will want to
model at least the first body paragraph. For students
new to literary analysis, it may be helpful to have
them organize their essays by writing a paragraph
about diction, a paragraph about imagery, and a
paragraph about figurative language. You also need
to establish specific requirements for the amount of
textual evidence students must use to support their
assertions. Let your students use the activities from
the lesson and/or the box with suggested wording in
Activity Six when writing the essay.
P A G E S
but as soon as he starts listening to the waves
crashing against the lighthouse and the wind
barreling against the shutters, he lets his
imagination take over and shove pure fear
through his heart.”
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13
NATIONAL
MATH + SCIENCE
INITIATIVE
English
Literary Analysis Scoring Guide (Mood)
Not all student essays will fit the scoring guide exactly. Your score should ref lect your judgment of the essay’s quality as a whole. Remember that
students had only forty five minutes to write their essay, and assess the papers as drafts. Reward the students for what they do well.
6: These papers demonstrate clear and consistent competence although they may have occasional errors. Such papers
• Offer an insightful analysis of the mood of the passage
• Provide persuasive analysis of how the literary techniques reveal mood
• Supply specific, detailed supporting textual evidence and are well-organized
• Are distinguished by varied sentence structure, effective word choice, and a sense of voice
• Demonstrate consistent and effective control of standard written English grammar and mechanics although they may not be
completely without errors
5: These papers demonstrate reasonably consistent competence although they will have occasional errors or lapses in
quality. Such papers
• Offer a reasonable analysis of the mood of the passage
• Provide an effective analysis of how literary techniques reveal mood
• Use appropriate supporting textual evidence and are generally well-organized
• Contain some examples of varied sentence structure and effective word choice
• Demonstrate effective control of standard written English grammar and mechanics although they will not be completely
without errors
4: These papers demonstrate adequate competence with occasional errors or lapses in quality. Such papers
• Offer an adequate analysis of the mood of the passage
• Provide a satisfactory analysis of how literary techniques reveal mood
• Present some supporting textual evidence and show organization
• Contain limited variety in sentence structure and adequate word choice
• Demonstrate adequate control of standard written English grammar and mechanics although they may have several errors
3: These papers demonstrate developing competence. Such papers may contain one or more of the following weaknesses:
• Inadequate understanding of mood
• Superficial or thin analysis of how literary techniques reveal mood
• Minimal or inadequate supporting textual evidence and/or weak organization
• Almost no examples of varied sentence structure and/or effective word choice
• Recurrent errors in grammar, mechanics, and/or usage
2: These papers demonstrate some competence. Such papers are flawed by one or more of the following weaknesses:
• Little reference to or serious misunderstanding of mood
• Little or no analysis of how literary techniques reveal mood, a misreading of the text, or inadequate development
• Disjointed or inappropriate supporting textual evidence, vague generalizations and/or poor organization
• No variety in sentence structure and/or simplistic or inappropriate word choice
• Recurrent errors in grammar, mechanics, and/or usage
1: These papers demonstrate incompetence. Such papers are seriously flawed by one or more of the following weaknesses:
• Only a passing reference to the writing task
• Unacceptable brevity, a complete misreading of the text, or padded but vacuous statements
• No attempt to supply supporting detail or no organization
• Poor sentence structure or incorrect word choice
• Serious errors in grammar, mechanics, and/or usage that interfere with the reader’s understanding
0: These papers may contain a few words without commentary, or may just copy the assignment or text.
—: These papers are completely off-topic or are blank.
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14
NATIONAL
MATH + SCIENCE
INITIATIVE
English
Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in
The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
Grade 8
Through close reading a reader can analyze how an author uses literary devices to create meaning. To
become an effective writer of literary analysis, you must practice analysis skills frequently as you read
closely.
Analysis means breaking down a whole into its parts to determine how they create an overall meaning.
In a style analysis essay, you are breaking down the concrete devices in the passage to see how they
work together to create an abstract idea. By paying close attention to an author’s use of concrete
devices, you will be able to discuss how these elements contribute to an overall abstract idea in a
passage.
Activity One: Analyzing the Prompt
Concrete devices: Precise words, words that are loaded with emotion, details, figurative language,
unusual syntax, and patterns created by imagery—all of these can be identified in the text and extracted
for analysis.
Abstract ideas: Tone, mood, purpose, characterization, or theme—all of these must be inferred through
analysis of the concrete textual features.
When you read a literary analysis prompt for the first time, begin by identifying the background
information given and the abstract ideas and concrete devices you need to address in your essay. Literary
analysis prompts ask you to use concrete literary devices to analyze an abstract idea or concept. Read the
prompt in the box below.
The First Betrayal, the first book of a series trilogy, is the beginning of the journey of Josan, an exile,
an orphan, and keeper of the lighthouse. In this excerpt from Patricia Bray’s 2006 novel, the narrator
describes the main character, who is frightened during a violent storm.
Using relevant quotations and insightful commentary, write an essay in which you explain how the
author uses patterns of diction, detail, and imagery to create a mood of suspense.
Place [brackets] around the background information. Underline the concrete elements in the prompt and
draw a box around the abstract idea or concept. Then write the components below:
Background information:
Abstract elements:
Concrete elements:
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15
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
Activity Two: Close Reading
Read the excerpt from The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray.
● Circle any connotative words or phrases that you think create suspense.
●
Underline any details or images you feel Bray uses to convey an ominous mood.
●
Bracket any figurative language that may add to the suspense of the passage.
Excerpt from The First Betrayal
by Patricia Bray
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
The lantern flickered as a gust of wind
blew through the lighthouse tower. Then
the flame died, plunging Josan into
darkness. His right hand searched the
floor beside him till he found the sparker,
then he groped for the base of the lantern
with his left. Using the edge of his cloak
to protect his hand from the heated
glass, he removed the chimney. His hand
trembled so much that it took three tries
before he was able to relight the wick.
Finally, it caught, and with a sigh of relief
he carefully replaced the glass. The soft
light illuminated the small platform for a
few brief moments before succumbing1
to another draft. This time, Josan did not
bother to relight it.
He told himself that he did not need to
see, but could not repress the shiver of
unease as the darkness engulfed2 him.
Before tonight this had always been a
place of light, the large windows letting
in the daylight, and at dusk the three great
lamps would be lit, powerful beacons
that filled the platform with their radiance
as they guided ships far out at sea. But
tonight the signal lamps were dark, for not
even the most sheltered flame was proof
against the howling wind. Now darkness
had consumed the light, just as the sea
outside threatened to devour the tower.
In the dark, every sound was magnified
as the rain lashed against the wooden
shutters, and the merciless wind sought
the cracks in his defenses. Strange drafts
swirled inside the tower and he drew his
knees to his
40
45
50
55
60
chest, pulling his coarse woolen cloak
more tightly around him. The wind
outside intensified, howling until he could
scarcely hear himself think. From far
beneath him he heard a crash. Startled,
he began to stand, then common sense
reasserted itself and he resumed his seat.
There was nothing he could do until the
storm passed. Instead he listened intently,
and underneath the sound of the wind
and rain he heard the relentless crashing
of the waves. It sounded as if they were
breaking all around him, and he knew the
lighthouse was being swallowed by the
angry ocean.
He wondered if the ocean would
eventually release its prize, or if the stone
tower would crumble beneath the fury of
the storm. He tried to view his situation
dispassionately, the question of his
survival as a mere intellectual exercise,
but none of the tricks he had learned in his
years of study could dispel3 his fear. He
could almost taste the terror as it rose up
and threatened to overwhelm him, just as
the sea threatened to overtake the tower.
succumbing: surrendering, giving in
engulf: surround, swallow up
3
dispel: chase away, dismiss
1
2
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16
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
Activity Three: Analyzing Diction
Diction is an author’s choice of words for an intended effect. When analyzing diction, students should
isolate one connotative word and explain how that particular word helps the author create meaning in the
text.
The following list of words can be used to help describe an author’s word choice: concise, precise,
clinical, sarcastic, poetic, plain, simple, emotional, forceful, natural, formal, literal, figurative,
conversational, humorous, extravagant, sentimental, inoffensive, harsh, menacing, vague, coarse,
obscure, distorted.
As you analyze the author’s word choice, look for patterns or similarities between words. By making
associations between words that a writer uses, you will be able to determine the tone or mood the writer
wants to convey to the reader.
A. The words listed below are used by Patricia Bray to create a mood of suspense. Put a check mark beside
each word that you circled as connotative diction as you read the passage, select at least three words
that are similar in meaning or have something in common and group them together in one of the circles
below. Using the remaining words, create another group of similar words for the second circle.
angry
relentless
howling
unease
devour
trembled
plunging
threatened
crashing
gust
groped
consumed
illuminated
succumbing
swallowed
overwhelm
startled
lashed
engulf
flickered
darkness
merciless
terror
swirled
The words in this circle create
a
The words in this circle create
mood.
a mood.
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17
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
B. Look at the associations you have made between the words in your circles. What type of pattern do you
see in the author’s choice of words? (Hint: You might refer to the words that describe diction in the box
above for help.) Discussing these words in the same paragraph will make your essay more coherent and
more clearly organized.
Patricia Bray creates suspense by using
diction that conveys a/an
mood for the reader. For example, the words
,
, and
create suspense
. The words
,
, and
also add to the feeling of apprehension because
.
Activity Four: Discovering Patterns
Imagery consists of the words or phrases appealing to the senses—the descriptive diction—that a writer
uses to represent persons, objects, actions, feelings, and ideas. Imagery helps establish the mood and
tone of a passage.
Details consist of words or phrases that are less appealing to the senses—facts or information—than
imagery. Details can also help reveal the tone or attitude of the author.
The line between imagery and detail is not always distinct. It is more important to understand how these
elements contribute to the overall tone or theme than to correctly label a phrase as detail or imagery.
When analyzing details, imagery, and figurative language, you should look for both patterns and contrasts.
Complete the chart below with phrases from the lines in parentheses that indicate light and dark. The first
one is done for you as an example.
Light
(lines 1-2) “The lantern flickered as a gust of wind
blew through the lighthouse tower.”
Darkness
(lines 2-3) “Then the flame died, plunging Josan into
darkness.”
(lines 13-14)
(line 19)
(line _____)
(line ____)
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18
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
(line _____)
(line ____)
A. What emotions do you associate with darkness?
B. What emotions do you associate with light?
C. Based on your associations, what is the effect of having the images of light and darkness appear in the
same passage? (How do the light and the darkness affect Josan’s actions in the passage?)
The author creates a pattern of light imagery with the details
and
. This pattern shows that
The author contrasts the darkness with the use of light imagery, such as
and
. This pattern shows that
D. By describing both images of light and images of darkness, Bray creates a pattern of contrast. How do
the two contrasting images contribute to the mood of the passage?
Activity Five: Analyzing Figurative Language
Figurative language is not meant to be taken literally. It usually involves an imaginative comparison
between seemingly unlike things and produces fresh, vivid images for the reader. A writer’s use of
figurative language helps establish a particular tone or mood by contributing to the overall effect of the
passage.
A. Fill in the blanks below to indicate the figurative action each subject is performing.
The sea (lines 29-30).
The wind was (lines 37-38).
The angry ocean
(lines 48-49).
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English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
How does the figurative language used to describe the wind and the water create a feeling of suspense?
.
Understanding Commentary
Commentary consists of remarks that explain or offer an interpretation of how the textual evidence
helps to prove the essay writer’s assertion about the literary work. Commentary should provide the
reader with proof that the writer of the essay understands the abstract concept the author of the literary
work is creating through the use of concrete devices.
Often an essay prompt will require you to “explain how the author uses diction and imagery” or “explain
how the literary devices contribute to the overall meaning.” To write an effective essay you must therefore
explain how a particular word (diction) the author uses or how a particular image the author creates connects
to the abstract idea or concept.
To help you understand what effective commentary is, look at some examples of what is not commentary.
All of the examples in the boxes below are from actual student essays, and the errors are authentic to the
student writing.
Offering suggestions is not commentary.
Your job as a writer is not to offer suggestions for improving the text or to supply a list of words the author
might have used in place of another word. This type of writing is called a literary critique rather than a
literary analysis of a work.
“The author uses the word succumbing other [rather] than synonyms like surrendering or giving in to
create a suspenseful interest.”
Defining literary or rhetorical devices is not commentary.
While it is important to be familiar with the names and definitions of literary terms, it is not necessary to
define the terms in your essay. The reader of your literary analysis essay will be familiar with literary terms
and will be more concerned with how you connect those devices to the meaning of the work as a whole.
“Diction, or the way the author uses word choice, is prevalent in this passage and seen throughout in
many forms and fashions. Without diction, this story, as well as any other story worth telling, would be
bland and dull. Diction adds details that describe a number of things.”
Stating the obvious is not commentary.
Your job as a writer is not to restate what the author has already said. Your job is to analyze the author’s
word choice and writing style, and then to explain the effect of these choices within the text.
“The wind outside intensified, howling until he could scarcely hear himself think.” The text above is
refferring to the wind as “howling” which is personification which creates suspense because it reffers to
the wind as howling. Suspense is created through mainly the words intensified howling.”
Copyright © 2014 National Math + Science Initiative, Dallas, Texas. All rights reserved. Visit us online at www.nms.org.
20
English—Reading for Analysis and Writing Commentary in The First Betrayal by Patricia Bray
Activity Six: Writing Literary Analysis
Complete the following sentence template for a literary analysis thesis statement for the prompt.
In
(title of work)
,
(author’s name)
to
(the concrete—diction, imagery, detail, figurative language, etc.)
uses
(marker verb—reveal, portray, convey)
(the abstract—tone, theme, purpose—your opinion about the subject that you will prove in your essay)
.
Use the close reading and analysis questions from Activities Three (Diction), Four (Details and Imagery),
and Five (Figurative Language) to help you write a literary analysis essay according to your teacher’s directions. Make sure that each body paragraph has a topic sentence that supports the thesis sentence you have
written above.
You may wish to use some of the language in the box below to help you craft your commentary.
further establishes a mood of suspense
emphasizes the feeling of apprehension
the mood is heightened by the additional use of
images of light portray
the element of danger increases when the contrasting images of
creates a more intense mood of
the figurative language suggests
images of darkness suggest
contributes to the suspenseful mood
Copyright © 2014 National Math + Science Initiative, Dallas, Texas. All rights reserved. Visit us online at www.nms.org.
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