About Honour 4 Eternity
Hi,
My name is Stuart Preston and I am a Funeral Celebrant.
I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your loved one. A time such
as this is a difficult one and I am here to help you to say a fitting, and personal
goodbye.
For someone of my age, I have experienced death many times, both family and
friends. I helped in planning and arranging some of the funerals and found that
having such an input helped immensely. However, when these plans were given to
the people who took the services, we found that the service became less personal
and that some of the words we had wanted were omitted. The personalities of my
family and friends were lost amongst the structure.
I decided then to strive to make funerals about the people they were for, creating
tailor-made funeral services to show the life of the person and to be services to
remember. I began my training as a Funeral Celebrant to do just that.
The pages that follow are a resource for you in your time of grief; I created them to
help you remember the little things about a funeral which we often forget. They are
a place for you to plan and to write down details so that they can be all in one place
when you need them.
I have included some information which
may aid in creating a funeral that will be
suited to your needs.
Kindest regards,
Stuart Preston
Funeral Celebrant
Honour 4 Eternity
Planning The Funeral
Planning a funeral is one of the hardest things that we go through in life.
We are at our weakest point and our minds are stretched with so many other
emotions.
So, to help you in this difficult task, I have prepared a few of the things which
will need to be considered.
There are a few important options to consider, such as;
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Was your loved one religious / spiritual or a non-believer?
Are you thinking of a more traditional service or one that celebrates life?
What were their wishes?
After answering those questions, we begin to move into more detail. For
example;
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How many songs or hymns would you like to be played?
(Usually 2 or 3)
Would you like the celebrant to take the whole service or would you, or a
family member or friend, wish to say a few words?
Who will be attending? Are there any things that need to be avoided or
not mentioned during the service? Does one of the attendees have extra
needs such as needing wheelchair access or a hearing induction loop?
The majority of the funeral service will be designed around these points and
will be based on the initial interview. Any further additions or alterations can be
made up until the evening before the service.
It is possible that something may have been forgotten or some of the details
may need to be finalised. Both the funeral director and I will be available to
make those changes to ensure that the service is as perfect as it can be.
The Basic Crematorium Service Outline
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Introductory music / entrance
Words of welcome
Thoughts and reflections on life and death
The tribute / eulogy
Readings / poems / remembrances
A moment of reflection (usually a second song, video, pictures or a quiet
moment for private thoughts or prayers)
The committal
Final music & Dispersal
This is by no means the only way in which a service can be structured. The
ceremony is totally individual to your loved one and there are many ways to
personalise the service.
Please, feel free to ask for more information.
The outline for a burial service can be found on www.honour4eternity.com
Planning Checklist
I have created this checklist to help you with your preparations. It may be
beneficial if you have someone available to go through these sections with you.
SERVICE DETAILS
Having these on hand will save you having to try and remember them when you have people asking for
the details.
Place of service:Date of service:-
Time:-
Followed by Comittal at:- (this is to be used if burial is to take place after the service)
Plans for after the service Details:-
(e.g.: A wake or inviting people back to the house)
FUNERAL DIRECTOR & MINISTER/CELEBRANT
Name of Minister / Celebrant:Contact Number:-
Name of Funeral Director:Contact Number:-
SONG / HYMN CHOICES
1) Entrance Music
2) Reflection Music #
3) Final Music
#
Reflection music is optional and a reading may take its place if required.
READINGS / POETRY
Choose a few readings or poetry extracts plus name the readers if you have any in mind.
PALLBEARERS
If you choose, you can use family members or friends, remember that the funeral director will have their
own bearers you can use. This will need to be pre-arranged with your funeral director.
1)
4)
2)
5)
3)
6)
ATTENDEES
Is anyone attending with mobility issues or that might need special attention?
Is anyone coming from very far away who will need to know early to make plans?
Will any children be attending?
DONATIONS & FLORAL TRIBUTES
Donations to:Floral Tributes:-
N.B.
Once you have filled in the sections above, please advise the celebrant &
funeral director of each of these facts.
Inspiring Words
Sometimes, when we need the words to say how we feel, we can find
ourselves lacking and unable to find the right words to say.
In this section, I have included some popular poems and sayings which you
may want to use for inspiration. Remember, you can change the words and
names and make the poem specific to your loved one.
This is just a selection, I have many others for you to look through, just ask me
or take a look at my website.
www.honour4eternity.com/p&r
Epitaph on a Friend
Turn Again to Life
An honest man here lies at rest,
The friend of man, the friend of truth,
The friend of age, and guide of youth:
Few hearts like his, with virtue warm’d,
Few heads with knowledge so inform’d;
If there’s another world, he lives in bliss;
If there is none, he made the best of this.
If I should die and leave you here a
while,
Be not like others, sore undone, who
keep
Long vigils by the silent dust, and weep.
For my sake - turn again to life and
smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand
to do
Something to comfort other hearts than
thine.
Complete those unfinished tasks of mine
And I, perchance, may therein comfort
you.
Robert Burns
A Saying
It is as natural to die as to be born; and
to a little infant, perhaps, the one is as
painful as the other.
Francis Bacon
Mary Lee Hall
‘Joyce: By Herself and
Her Friends’
excerpt from
If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,
Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday
voice
But be the usual selves that I have known.
Weep if you must,
Parting is hell,
But life goes on,
So sing as well.
Joyce Grenfell
Remember
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the
hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you
planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not
grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I
had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be
sad.
Christina Rossetti
ON THE DEATH OF A CHILD
Too Soon
This was a life
That had hardly begin
No time to find
Your place in the sun
No time to do
All you could have done
But we loved you enough for a lifetime.
No time to enjoy
The world and its wealth
No time to take life
Down off the shelf
No time to sing
The song of yourself
Though you had enough love for a
lifetime.
Those who live long
Endure sadness and tears
But you’ll never suffer
The sorrowing years:
No betrayal, no anger,
No hatred, no fears,
Just love - only love - in your lifetime.
Mary Yarnall
Don’t Be Alone With Your Grief
To each of us, grief is subjective. As an emotion, it is one of the most complex
and can encompass several other emotional states such as disbelief, anger and
euphoria.
Although we may feel alone in our personal grief we are often aware that
others are experiencing it too. Therefore, the support of family, friends and colleagues can be invaluable.
No matter how much support we have around us during a time of mourning,
grief is a powerful emotion and can often get the best of us.
It is important to realise that there are people who can help. The following is
a list of associations and agencies that can help you cope with your grief.
Bereavement counselling can be arranged through your own doctor.
There is sometimes a wait to be seen but access to
expert grief counselling could be worth the wait.
Cruse Bereavement Care – They offer advice on several
matters and have details of local services and groups.
Tel: 0844 477 9400 www.cruse.org.uk
The Samaritans – A friendly ear to listen to you as long as you need
them.
Tel: 116 123 www.samaritans.org
Child Bereavement UK – On the loss of a child or to assist a child
who is bereaved.
Tel: 0800 02 888 40 www.childbereavementuk.org
Sands – Advice and support on the stillbirth or death of a baby.
Tel: 020 7436 5881 www.uk-sands.org
This page is left clear for your important notes. These could include
appointment times, people you need to call, things you need to do etc.
Remember, if you are in any doubt about anything to do with the funeral, the
funeral director and celebrant are on the other end of the phone.