My Theatre Academy
presents,
Romeo and Juliet
(A story of love, death and other cool stuff.)
adapted for the stage
by
Geoff Bamber
Romeo and Juliet
By Geoff Bamber
The Montagues and the Capulets, the two most noble families in Verona, maintain a
feud that erupts almost on a daily basis.
This infuriates Prince Esculus, ruler of the city. The prince plans to marry off his
nephew, Prince Paris, to Juliet, a Capulet, thus bringing a modicum of peace to at
least one of the feuding clans.
Unfortunately Juliet inconveniently falling in love with and, indeed, secretly marrying
Romeo, a Montague, thwarts the Prince’s plan.
After yet another bout of swordplay between the warring factions, Romeo is banished
from the city. His promise to return for Juliet is only likely to be worthwhile if Juliet
can persuade Prince Paris that she cannot marry him after all.
Her strategy of feigning death certainly puts Paris off but also has unfortunate results
for Romeo and ultimately Juliet herself.
Few of the main characters live happily ever after.
Characters:
Speaking Parts:
The Montagues:
Lady Montague
Romeo
Mercutio
The Capulets:
Lady Capulet
Juliet
Nurse to Juliet
Rosalina
Tibalt
Neutral Corner:
Prince Esculus
Prince Paris
Friar John
Narrator
Non-Speaking Parts:
Members of Prince Esculus’s guard and entourage,
Montague and Capulet noblemen, ladies, servants etc.
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Romeo and Juliet
The Main City Square in Verona.
(There are various colourful pennants and flags, stone benches and, to the rear of the stage, an
accessible ‘balcony’. Enter Narrator, reading script from leather-bound folder. As she moves to
the front of the stage, The Montagues and the Capulets enter from opposite sides. Mercutio
carries the Montague flag and Tibalt carries the Capulet flag. Romeo is conspicuous by his
absence from this opening scene while Juliet remains meekly at the back of the group. The two
factions glare at each other.)
Narrator: Good evening and welcome one and all to the fair city of Verona, where all is elegance
and beauty. And here our story does concern two households both alike in dignity
(Montagues and Capulets make to attack each other. There is much shouting and shaking of fists
and weapons. The Narrator takes evasive action.)
Narrator: Oi! Stop! I’ll do that bit again. You seem to have missed the point. Two households,
both alike in dignity.
(There is more shouting as Mercutio steps forward and sets up the flag of the House of
Montague.)
Mercutio: I am Lord Mercutio and I claim this city square for the noble House of Montague.
(More shouting. Now Tibalt steps forward with the flag of the House of Capulet)
Tibalt:
I am Lord Tibalt and I claim this city square for the noble House of Capulet.
(More shouting and aggressive posturing. This is brought to an end by the sound of a whistle.
The warring groups separate and the entourage of Prince Esculus – minus Prince Paris - enters
and places itself between them.)
Ecsulus:
Halt! Stop this nonsense, in the name of Prince Esculus, ruler of Verona. Cease and
desist! I command it. What on earth is happening here?
Narrator: The Montagues and the Capulets, your highness. They’re at it again. Dignity – that’s
what it says here. Dignity.
Esculus:
There is nothing dignified about this. May I remind you all that you are two of the most
noble families in the city – after mine, of course? I wish to speak to the Ladies Montague and
Capulet.
(The Ladies Montague and Capulet come forward, all the while glowering at each other.)
Esculus:
Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?
Lady M.:
She started it.
Lady C.:
Did not!
Lady M.:
Did too! Let me get at her!
(Both ladies lunge towards each other but are restrained by members of their households or
Prince Esculus’s soldiers.)
Esculus:
Ladies! Ladies! Though I do not think that ‘ladies’ is actually the right word. We cannot
have this. This is an elegant and beautiful city. We cannot have – what is a good word?
Narrator: Scrapping.
Esculus:
Well, I was looking for something a little more elegant and beautiful and, indeed, princely
– but it will do. We cannot have scrapping.
(The Narrator moves to the side of the stage, her position for the rest of the play.)
Esculus:
You must understand that noble ladies scrapping is not er…
Narrator: Dignified?
Esculus:
Exactly. Scrapping is not dignified. There you have it in a nutshell. Now, ladies, as it
happens there are more important matters to attend to in our fair city. Matters far more important
than your petty squabble and matters which will take all our minds, even yours, off scrapping.
Lady M.:
It isn’t a petty squabble.
Lady C.:
It is deadly serious.
Lady M.:
Yes, deadly. We’re agreed on that part.
(More violent threats and gestures.)
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Esculus:
Stop! Enough! Any more and it’s a yellow card and ten minutes in the sin bin. Now, I
have business to attend to with the Lady Capulet here. So, Montagues, you can clear off. Shoo!
Begone! But remember – best behaviour from now on.
Lady C.:
Yes, you old witch – Watch out!
Esculus:
I said enough! And that’s both of you. Now go.
(As Lady Montague, Mercutio and other members of Montague party turn to leave, Romeo
rushes breathlessly onto stage)
Romeo:
Have I missed it?
Narrator: Missed what?
Romeo:
The fight. Montagues versus Capulets. It’s on every day.
Narrator: Yes, you’ve missed it.
Tibalt:
Like he always does, soppy worm.
Esculus:
Who is this?
Lady C.:
It is a youth called Romeo. He is a Montague.
Tibalt:
And a weedy one, even by their standards.
Mercutio: Leave him alone.
Lady M.:
Come along, Romeo. They’re not worth it.
(All Montagues shuffle off stage grumbling.)
Esculus:
Make a note of that boy’s name. I have a feeling that we shall hear more of him.
Lady C.:
Your business with us, Highness?
Esculus:
Oh, yes, allow me to introduce someone to you all. Paris! Paris!
(Enter Prince Paris)
Esculus:
This is my nephew, Prince Paris.
(Capulets all bow, except Lady Capulet who executes a rather inelegant curtsey.)
Esculus:
Paris here is looking for a wife but, being something of a nincompoop, I am looking for a
wife for him. Isn’t that right, Paris?
Paris:
(Eyeing up Lady Capulet) Oh, yes, Uncle. You promised my mum. Is this the latest
one? She’s nice. I like an older woman.
Esculus:
No, it isn’t. (To Paris sotto voce) I wouldn’t even let you marry a mad old bat like that.
But, Lady Capulet, I believe that you have a niece.
Narrator: Name of Juliet.
Esculus:
That’s the one.
Lady C.:
Of course. A lovely girl. And completely unmarried.
Esculus:
Now, there’s a coincidence. Bring the girl forward.
(Juliet is brought forward)
Esculus:
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Paris:
I like this one, Uncle. Have her wrapped. I’ll take her with me.
Esculus:
Not quite, my boy. But I think we’ll call it a done deal.
Lady C.:
Well, come along, girl - say something. It isn’t everybody who gets to marry a dashing
and handsome prince.
Esculus:
Or even one like Paris.
Juliet:
I would be honoured to become the wife of such a gentleman.
Paris:
Of course she would.
Esculus:
I do so like a great romance.
Lady C.
So do I, and to celebrate the great event, I will organise a great party in the Montague
family mansion over there. Guest of honour will be the gallant Prince Esculus and all the nobles of
the city will attend.
Tibalt:
All of them, Lady Capulet?
Lady C.:
Of course the Montagues would not be welcome. We hate them. We really do.
Esculus:
Steady on, dear lady. Yellow card – remember?
Lady C.:
Very well. Come, there are many things to arrange.
(The Capulets and Prince Esculus’s entourage exit)
Narrator: And so did they exit. The House of Capulet was soon to be united by marriage to the
Royal household. And…
(Enter Romeo and Mercutio.)
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Narrator: Oh, it’s you again. ‘Tis the boy Romeo and his great friend, Mercutio of the House of
Montague.
Romeo:
I missed it again. I missed the fight. I always get it wrong.
Mercutio: Don’t worry about it. Fighting isn’t your scene. Instead, you are one of life’s great
romantics. How many times have you fallen in love this week?
(Romeo takes out a tattered notebook and checks.)
Romeo:
Well, let me see. It is six – no, seven.
Mercutio: And how many times have you had your heart broken?
(Romeo checks again.)
Romeo:
Well, six or seven, of course. My heart is broken every time.
(Enter Nurse and Rosalina)
Mercutio : But you keep coming back for more. I can’t imagine falling in love seven times.
Romeo:
Make that eight. Who is that?
Mercutio: Which one?
Romeo:
The young and beautiful one. You can have Shrek.
Mercutio: Thanks. I’ll stick to fighting. And her name is Rosalina. She is a Lady-in-Waiting. She
works for the Montagues. The other one is the family nurse.
(Romeo strolls across to the Nurse and Rosalina.)
Romeo:
Good day, fair Rosalina.
Nurse:
Ignore him, Rosalina.
Rosalina:
But he looks so sweet.
Nurse:
Well, he does have a certain puppy-dog charm to him, but we have shopping to do for the
great party. Come along.
(She goes out, forcing Mercutio to take evasive action.)
Rosalina:
Tell me, sir, will you be attending the great celebration?
Romeo:
I certainly will.
Rosalina:
Then I look forward to seeing you there.
Nurse:
(from offstage) Rosalina!
Rosalina:
I must go now. (Exit)
Romeo:
Farewell, my sweet, my angel, my goddess.
Narrator: I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit sick now.
Mercutio: Yes, snap out of it.
Romeo:
I’ve pulled.
Mercutio: Forget it. Rosalina works for the Capulets. We hate them.
Romeo:
I don’t. Besides, she only works for the Capulets. She isn’t one of them.
Mercutio: But you are a Montague, and we aren’t invited.
Romeo:
A minor problem, my friend. We’ll think of something.
(Exit Romeo and Mercutio)
Narrator: And so preparations were made for a great evening of merrymaking and feasting.
(Enter Nurse and Rosalina with shopping trolley and bags from one side of the stage. Lady
Capulet and Juliet entering from the opposite side meet them.)
Lady C.:
Now, Juliet, I hope you appreciate all the trouble we have gone to on this party.
Juliet:
Yes, Aunty.
Nurse:
You must check everything we have bought to make sure that there is nothing in here that
you are allergic to. You know how delicate you are.
Juliet:
Yes, Nursie.
Lady C.:
What are you allergic to, my dear?
Juliet:
Oh, this and that. Strong cheese makes me very drowsy. But I think that mostly I am
allergic to Prince Paris.
Lady C.:
Nonsense. He’s a fine boy – in certain light.
Nurse:
It’s just her little joke.
Rosalina:
She’s very keen. I would be.
Juliet:
Well, you have him.
Rosalina:
My heart has already been claimed by another.
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Lady C.:
Well, don’t let it get in the way of your duties here. You are to help the cook and Nurse
here to make sure that everything goes smoothly.
Nurse:
There will be no problem, Lady Capulet. All will be well.
Lady C.:
It better had be. That’s all I can say. It better had be.
(All exit.)
Narrator: Oh, it’s me again, isn’t it? And thus the great celebration began. There was much food,
drink and merriment. Unfortunately we haven’t been invited either so we’ll have to imagine that
bit, but it’s going on the other side of the square somewhere.
(Enter Lady Montague, Mercutio and Romeo. Lady M. peers enviously in the direction of the
party.)
Lady M.:
I didn’t really want to go to the party and I am not a bit offended. I hate that woman and
her family – all of them. And anybody who works for them.
Romeo:
Oh.
Lady M.:
What do you mean – ‘Oh’?
Romeo:
Oh, I quite agree.
Lady M.:
Stay away from them all, my boy. They are a bad lot. (Exit)
Mercutio: She’s right. I’m off to the pub.
Romeo:
And I am to the party and fair Rosalina.
Mercutio: You won’t get in. They have bouncers. They are under orders to spot Montagues and to
give them a good slapping.
Romeo:
But I have a disguise. (He puts on his mask.) Who do I look like now?
Mercutio: You look like Zorro. Or perhaps just Romeo with a mask on.
Romeo:
That’s because you know me. You’re my friend.
Mercutio: Yes, I am your friend who is going to the pub. (Exit)
Narrator: And here, taking a break from her duties at the party, comes the fair Rosalina.
(Enter Rosalina as Romeo conceals himself)
Rosalina:
Hello. Is there anybody out there? No? I was so hoping that sweet Romeo would be
here.
(Romeo crawls out of hiding on his hands and knees.)
Rosalina:
So handsome and gallant and tall.
(Romeo kneels up and tugs at her dress.)
Romeo:
I’m here. It’s me.
Rosalina:
You were much taller before. Why are you on your knees?
Romeo:
The power of your beauty has rendered me er… legless, so to speak.
Rosalina:
If I did not know better I would think that you were on your knees in order to propose
marriage to me.
Romeo:
Well, of course, that’s true. For my love for you is so strong that…
(His voice trails off as Juliet comes onto stage. Romeo is immediately distracted from proposing
to Rosalina)
Romeo:
Hello and who is this?
Rosalina:
It is my Lady Juliet.
Romeo:
Is it indeed?
(Romeo abandons Rosalina and heads for Juliet, still on his knees.)
Rosalina:
She is engaged to Prince Paris.
(Romeo turns and comes back to Rosalina)
Rosalina:
But she does not love him.
(Romeo goes back towards Juliet)
Rosalina:
She is Lady Capulet’s niece.
(Romeo turns and comes back to Rosalina. By now Juliet is quite bewildered.)
Rosalina:
But I think even Lady Capulet thinks Juliet deserves something better than Prince Paris.
Romeo:
Exactly. (Stands) I knew you’d understand. I’ll just go and introduce myself.
Rosalina:
But you are in love with me.
Romeo:
But that was then and this is now. And we all need to move on.
(Rosalina begins to weep)
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Romeo:
Look. See that building over there? It is an inn. And in the inn you will find my great
friend, Mercutio. A fine chap and much more your type. And tall, so tall.
Rosalina:
Oh alright then. (Exit)
Romeo:
Now, where was I? Ah, the fair Juliet. I am surely in love – again.
Narrator: Better write it down, before you forget.
Romeo:
No need, for this will be the last one. My true and everlasting love.
Juliet:
You are right, sir, for I have fallen in love with you. If only I knew who you were.
Romeo:
Do you not know me?
Juliet:
Are you Zorro?
Romeo:
Not quite. (He pulls off his mask) I am Romeo. You must have heard of me.
Juliet:
I have. I have been warned about you. But it makes no difference to my love for you.
Unfortunately you are a Montague and I am a Capulet. So we cannot be together. I must flee. Or
you must for I think I hear the bouncers coming.
(Exit Romeo)
(Juliet weeps. The Nurse enters.)
Juliet:
Oh, it isn’t the bouncers, it is my nurse.
Nurse:
Pray, what is the matter?
Juliet:
I am in love. (She weeps again.)
Nurse:
With Prince Paris.
(Juliet weeps)
Nurse:
Alright, not with Prince Paris.
Juliet:
I am in love with Romeo.
Nurse:
Romeo the Montague?
Juliet:
The very same.
Nurse:
Then you must forget him. Such a union cannot be.
Juliet:
(Making her way up to the ‘balcony’.) But it has to be. I do so love him. If only I had
not made him leave. If only I could speak to him now, I would tell him how I felt.
(Romeo crawls back onto stage beneath the balcony)
Juliet:
If only he was here now. So handsome. So sweet. So charming. If only he were a little
taller. Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
(No response)
Juliet
I said – Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Romeo:
(To audience) Wherefore? What kind of word is ‘wherefore’? No matter. I am here,
Juliet.
(Juliet looks down on him)
Juliet:
So you are. You’re not very tall, are you?
Romeo:
(Standing) I’m doing my best. Come, we shall be married.
Nurse
Perhaps not quite now. Somebody is coming.
(Juliet comes down from the balcony. She, Nurse and Romeo, who dons his mask again, take
temporary cover)
Narrator: Romeo has sent a message to his friend, Mercutio, and Mercutio has enlisted the aid of a
passing priest, a Friar John, who would be happy to carry out the marriage ceremony.
(Mercutio, assisted by Rosalina, drags a blindfolded Friar John onto stage.)
Mercutio: I’ve been asked to do some ridiculous things in my time, but this one just about takes the
biscuit.
Rosalina:
And I don’t think much of this as a first date.
Mercutio: Now what? Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
(Romeo, Juliet and Nurse show themselves.)
Romeo:
Don’t you start!
Friar John: This is most irregular.
Romeo:
I’m sure it is, but can’t you see how much in love we are?
Friar John: I can’t see anything.
(Mercutio takes the Friar John’s blindfold off as Romeo checks his own mask. Mercutio prods
Friar John with his sword)
Mercutio: Just marry them.
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Rosalina:
And hurry up. I left a gin and tonic on the bar.
Nurse:
(moving to side of stage) I shall keep watch.
Friar John: Very well. Do you, er…?
Juliet:
Lady Juliet - and I do.
Friar John: And do you, er… Mr. Zorro?
Romeo:
I’m not… Oh, it doesn’t matter. Yes, I do.
Friar John: So, by the power of whatever, I now declare you thing and thing. You may kiss the bride.
Nurse:
No time now for that sort of thing. Juliet - you must return to the party. You have been
missed. And you, Rosalina – you need to be in here too.
(Juliet is ushered away by Nurse and Rosalina)
Mercutio: (to Friar John) Come on, you. You’ve done your bit.
Friar John: What about my fee?
Mercutio: There’s half a gin and tonic for you back at the pub.
Friar John: Fair enough. Lead on.
(Exit Mercutio and Friar John)
Narrator: Watch out, young Romeo, for here does come my Lord Tibalt – most darkly evil of his
clan and man the worse for drink and looking for trouble.
(Romeo ineffectually takes cover as Tibalt enters.)
Tibalt:
You! You – boy! Lurking in the shadows.
(Romeo emerges nervously, pulling his mask into position.)
Romeo:
I do not lurk.
Tibalt
Don’t I recognise you?
(Romeo checks his mask)
Romeo:
I doubt it, for I am not from these parts. I am a humble Spanish traveller. Zorro by name.
Tibalt:
Ah yes, I’ve seen the movie. But no hat, no cape, no sword and no Catherine Zeta-Jones.
(He approaches Romeo) I know you. You are a Montague. Romeo by name. (He flicks
Romeo’s mask down.) Peek-a-boo!! I believe that you are a lover and not a fighter.
Romeo:
I come in peace.
Tibalt:
Then you shall go in pieces. My little joke. It seems cruel to kill you for you are weak
and harmless, but cruel is good. And I do have a sword. (He draws it.)
(Enter Mercutio, sword drawn)
Mercutio: And you will need it. Get away from him.
Tibalt:
If you insist. I will deal with him later, once I have despatched you.
(There is a swordfight. Tibalt is eventually pushed to the ground. Mercutio turns his back on his
opponent while he addresses Romeo.)
Mercutio: You need to get away from here, or your little girlie will be a bride and a widow on the
same day. I’ll sort this fellow out.
(Tibalt pulls himself to his feet and moves towards Mercutio.)
Romeo:
He’s behind you!
Mercutio: Oh, no, he isn’t!
Romeo:
Oh, yes, he is!
(Tibalt plunges the sword into Mercutio who staggers about, collapses and dies in suitably
dramatic fashion)
(Enter Rosalina. She looks down at the stricken Mercutio.)
Rosalina:
Well, he was definitely the worst date I’ve ever had.
Tibalt:
I’m available.
Romeo:
Not for long. (He picks up Mercutio’s sword.) I may be weak and wimpish.
Rosalina:
And not very tall.
Romeo:
And not very tall, but I shall avenge the death of my friend.
Tibalt:
Go ahead, punk. Make my day. You wouldn’t dare.
Romeo:
Oh, yes, I would.
Tibalt:
Oh, no you w…
(His words are cut short by Romeo running the sword through him.)
Tibalt:
(Clutching his stomach) He did it. The weedy little worm did it. (Collapses and
expires.)
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Narrator: And from the party did come a great crowd attracted by the commotion outside.
(Enter Princes Esculus and Paris, Lady Capulet, Juliet, Nurse, Rosalina and sundry party guests.)
Esculus:
Now, what do we have here? A spot of bother? (He sees the bodies) Oh, dear, and we
are gathered here to celebrate such a happy occasion. Do we have a witness to what has happened?
(No response)
Esculus:
(Pointedly to Narrator) I said ‘Do we have a witness’?
Narrator: Well, strictly speaking, I’m not actually in this.
Esculus:
I am. And, as Prince of Verona and head honcho round here, I can have you put to death
in a range of interesting, though uniformly painful, ways.
Narrator: Well, if you put it like that. Lord Tibalt slew Lord Mercutio and then young Romeo slew
Lord Tibalt.
Esculus:
Did he indeed? He doesn’t look tall enough to slew anybody. No matter.
(Rosalina is holding her hand up, trying to attract attention.)
Nurse:
Well, go on, girl, say what you saw.
Rosalina:
I didn’t see everything, but I believe that Master Romeo was merely avenging the death
of his friend.
Esculus:
Alright, then, I shall not have you executed but there is no excuse for retaliation. So it’s a
red card for you, my lad. You shall be banished from the whole of Verona. Begone.
(Exit Romeo, crestfallen.)
Lady C.:
The marriage is to continue, I trust. I have bought a new hat.
Paris:
Of course. Why should a little thing like a double murder get in the way of true love?
Esculus:
Well said, my boy.
(Juliet bursts into tears and is comforted by the Nurse.)
Lady C.:
Tears of joy. They are just tears of joy.
(All leave except Juliet, Rosalina and Nurse)
(Enter Lady Montague)
Lady M.:
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Narrator: We’ve done that bit already – twice. And he isn’t here.
Lady M.:
I only asked. He is my nephew, after all.
(Juliet weeps again.)
Nurse:
He has been banished.
Lady M.:
That boy’s always getting into trouble. He’ll be with that Mercutio.
(Now Rosalina bursts into tears and rushes from the stage.)
Lady M.:
What have I said now? (She notices Mercutio’s body.) Oh. Oh dear. Well, perhaps he
won’t be with Mercutio, after all. I suppose I’d better go and see where he has banished himself to.
(Exit)
Juliet:
I cannot marry Prince Paris. He is an idiot. Besides, I am already married – to Romeo.
Nurse:
But you cannot tell anyone that you are married to a Montague. (There is a thud. She
stops and looks around.) What was that noise?
Juliet:
Is it an intruder? Or is it my Romeo?
(Nurse finds the stone with Romeo’s message on it.)
Nurse:
No, but it is a message from him. See, attached to this stone. (She unwraps the piece of
paper from the stone.) It says : You cannot marry Prince Paris. You are already married to me.
Juliet:
Oh, how romantic. He has not forgotten me.
Nurse:
He has only been gone five minutes.
Juliet:
What else does it day?
Nurse:
He says that you must find a way of stalling the wedding. You must put Prince Paris off
for a few hours. Romeo will return and the two of you will escape together. Yes, it is romantic.
Juliet:
It will be if it works. How can I put Prince Paris off? I know, I will pretend to be dead.
Nurse:
Isn’t that a little drastic?
Juliet:
But it will be easy and it won’t take much to fool Prince Paris. Get me some cheese from
the party. That will do the trick.
Nurse:
If you say so. (Exit)
Juliet:
Fear not, for I will come to no real harm. My allergy to cheese only makes me very
drowsy and I simply fall into a deep sleep. After a little while I wake up with no ill-effects.
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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(Nurse returns with cheese.)
Nurse:
There you are, Lady Juliet. Do not eat too much. You want to be awake again when
Romeo comes for you.
(Juliet takes a couple of bites, yawns, stretches and gracefully falls to sleep.)
(Princes Esculus and Paris, Lady Capulet, Rosalina and sundry others enter. They have with
them Friar John.)
Esculus:
And now for the wedding. Step forward, priest.
Friar John: My name is Friar John, your highness.
Esculus:
Super. Utterly super, but irrelevant.
Paris:
See, my lovely bride-to-be. Does she not sleep sweetly?
Esculus
A little too sweetly. Wake her up. Prepare the ceremony, good Friar John.
Friar John: (to audience) I may be mistaken, but this young lady looks awfully familiar. Perhaps I
have already married her once today.
(Nurse and Rosalina grab him.)
Nurse:
You are mistaken.
Rosalina:
Perhaps you drank that gin and tonic a little too quickly. And it was my gin and tonic, by
the way.
Nurse:
And if you would like another one, you will watch what you say.
Friar John: Let the ceremony begin.
Paris:
Right-ho! Come on, Juliet, my sweet. It is time for the happiest day of your life to
become even happier.
Lady C.:
And it will be a happy day for me too. Just think – the Capulets related to the Royal
House of Verona.
Paris:
There is something wrong. The fair Juliet does not awake. Is there a doctor in the house?
Nurse:
No, but there is a nurse.
Paris:
Who?
Nurse:
Me, you fool. I mean ‘Your Highness’.
Esculus:
You were right the first time. What is the problem?
(Nurse examines Juliet – taking her pulse, nodding thoughtfully etc.)
Nurse:
I am afraid that the Lady Juliet appears to be… well, dead.
(Lady Capulet faints)
Esculus:
She cannot be.
Nurse:
She can – and she is. See? Not a flicker.
Paris:
Does this mean that the wedding is off?
Esculus:
It certainly doesn’t look too promising.
(He helps Lady Capulet to her feet.)
Esculus:
Come along, dear lady. I think you need to lie down somewhere. Nurse, if you would
care to assist.
(Esculus and Nurse help Lady Capulet off.)
Paris:
I cannot believe it. My dear Juliet is dead. And I was so looking forward to being
married. Perhaps it may happen after all. Friar John is still here. Rosalina, are you doing anything
this afternoon?
(Rosalina bursts into tears and rushes off stage. She returns a moment later to drag the Friar
John off before Prince Paris gets any more bright ideas.)
(Enter Romeo with a suitcase.)
Romeo:
Right, old girl, let’s go. The bus for Mantua leaves in ten minutes. What is it? Has the
marriage happened?
Paris:
Hardly. And she could have been Princess Paris.
Romeo:
So she managed to put you off.
Paris:
Having a dead bride would put anybody off.
Romeo:
Dead?!
Paris:
See for yourself.
(Romeo peers nervously at Juliet.)
Romeo:
No! It cannot be.
Paris:
I already said that.
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Romeo:
Well, it still cannot be. What did she die of? No, don’t tell me, for I know. You killed
her.
Paris:
I did no such thing.
Romeo:
You killed her. She refused to marry you because she did not love you. So you killed her
in a rage.
Paris:
What with?
Romeo:
Your bare hands. You have strangler’s hands.
Paris:
(Examining his hands) I do?
Romeo:
You do, but so do I.
(Romeo attacks Paris and, after a number of melodramatic exclamations, renders him lifeless and
casts his body to the floor. Romeo then moves across to Juliet.)
Narrator: And so Romeo, consumed in despair, gazed down lovingly at fair Juliet. What else did he
have to live for now?
Romeo:
Nothing! My life is at an end. (He looks around frantically) Poison! I must have
poison. But where do I look?
Narrator: I have a handy bottle.
Romeo:
Do you often carry poison about your person?
Narrator: Well, it’s getting late.
Romeo:
Very well.
(Narrator hands bottles to Romeo)
Romeo:
Farewell, dear Juliet. A final kiss. In fact the first and final kiss. (He stoops to kiss
Juliet) Such a pity that she could not join in. Is it me, or does she pong a little of cheese too?
Narrator: I said ‘It’s getting late’.
Romeo:
Very well. Goodbye and farewell, cruel world.. (He drinks the poison and then
staggers about the stage for some time before collapsing close to Juliet.)
Narrator: Thank goodness for that. Ah, fair Juliet awakes.
(Juliet awakes.)
Juliet:
What was that noise? Oh, it is my darling Romeo. What ails him?
Narrator: He is dead.
Juliet:
Really?
Narrator: I certainly hope so.
Juliet:
But how – and why?
Narrator: He thought that you were dead. Thus he had nothing to live for and so took his own life.
Juliet:
My poor, poor love. See – does he still not clutch the bottle of poison? I must join him.
Surely we shall be joined in heaven and spend eternity locked in a loving embrace.
Narrator: Well, don’t make a meal of it.
(Juliet drinks from the bottle and then spends more time ‘dying’ than the rest of the body-count
put together.)
(Enter, from opposite sides of the stage, the Ladies Montague and Capulet, and then Prince
Esculus, Rosalina, the Nurse and other surviving cast members.)
Narrator: And, alerted by the sounds of over-acting, the Ladies Montague and Capulet came
together to see what had passed. And they and the Prince Esculus and the other players did come
across a grisly scene of death and despair.
Lady M.:
My Romeo.
Lady C.:
My Juliet.
Esculus:
My goodness, what a mess.
Narrator: Yes indeed. As the Bard says : ‘For never was a story so full of woe, than that of Juliet
and her Romeo.’
(Ladies Montague and Capulet comfort each other.)
Narrator: And so, as Romeo and Juliet lie united in death, so from that time on the families
Montague and Capulet vowed to remain united in peace – so it hadn’t been such a bad day after all,
had it?
Esculus:
Come, there may have been no wedding, but we still have a buffet to get through.
(All exit as Narrator stands and moves to the front of the stage, stepping over the bodies of
Romeo, Juliet, Tibalt, Mercutio and Prince Paris.)
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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Narrator: So that is the end of our tragic story. Rather gruesome and rather gory. (She solemnly
closes her script.) Anyway, the pub’s still open. Come on, you lot. The first round’s on me.
(Final curtain as the ‘dead’ miraculously come back to life.)
© 2006 by Geoff Bamber
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