How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
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How to be a great
e-mentor or e-coach
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
Professor David Clutterbuck
Clutterbuck Associates
Direct Line + 44 (0) 1628 606850
email [email protected]
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Contents
What do we mean by e-mentoring and e-coaching?
3
The benefits of e-mentoring and e-coaching
5
How do they work?
7
What skills do you need to be effective as an e-mentor or e-coach?
9
Skills and competencies for the virtual environment
11
Managing the distant relationship
16
Troubleshooting guide
19
Further reading
20
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
What do we mean by e-mentoring
and e-coaching?
Given that coaching and mentoring are powerful forms of communication and learning, it’s
hardly surprising that they have been affected by new technologies. There is no evidence,
however that traditional forms of face to face mentoring are being replaced by IT-assisted
approaches. On the contrary, both traditional and e-based approaches are increasing in
popularity. Moreover, there is a strong trend for mentoring and coaching relationships to
use mixed media (for example, face to face supplemented by email); it seems that having
a variety of communication channels enhances and enriches learning relationships.
As the definitions below suggest, being an effective virtual mentor or virtual coach has much
the same roles and responsibilities as in a face to face relationship, but requires additionally
a reasonable level of comfort with and competence in communicating using electronic media.
Being able to send an email or compose a text message is not enough: you have to be able to
do so in a way that builds rapport, promotes open and honest exchange, and maintains a high
quality learning conversation.
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Four formal definitions are:
United Way of America, E-mentoring:
•
•
•
•
Is a caring, structured relationship
Focuses on the needs of the mentored participants
Adds value to the lives of those involved
Uses technology to connect people across time and/or distance
Bierema and Merriam (2002)
A computer-mediated, mutually beneficial relationship between a mentor and a protégé,
which provides learning, advising, encouraging, promoting and modelling, that is often
boundaryless, egalitarian and qualitatively different than traditional face-to-face mentoring.
Ensher and Murphy (2007):
A mutually beneficial relationship between a mentor and a protégé, which provides new
learning as well as career support, primarily through email and other electronic means
(e.g. instant messaging, chat rooms, social networking spaces, etc).
Clutterbuck and Hussain (2009):
A developmental partnership, in which all or most of the learning dialogue takes place
using email, either as the sole medium, or supplemented by other media.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Benefits of e-mentoring and e-coaching
Face to face and virtual coaching/mentoring each have significant pluses and minuses.
Among the pluses of face to face are:
• Being able to compare the content of what is said with the speaker’s tone and body
•
•
•
•
language – dissonance between these provides valuable clues to what is not being said
The length of time a coaching or mentoring session can take is typically longer – after
45 minutes, most distant conversations struggle to maintain concentration
The richness of communication – building and maintaining rapport is usually much
easier face to face
Brainstorming ideas – it is easier to get into “flow” when you are communicating
on all oral and physical channels
Immediacy of feedback – reactions to ideas and questions are immediate, in the context
of the meeting
On the negative side, face-to-face meetings are expensive, take time to arrange, and often
require additional travel time. Power dynamics can interfere with open conversation and
sometimes the information overload resulting form the richness of communication means
that important clues are missed.
Email-based mentoring/coaching conversations are usually divided into synchronous (where
both parties are online simultaneously) and asynchronous (where there are gaps of varying
lengths between responses). Among the pluses of synchronous virtual conversations are:
• it’s usually easier to set up an e-meeting at short notice, especially if the parties
are located at a distance from each other
• there is a record of the conversation, which can be mined for further understanding
subsequently
many
people are more comfortable and more open communicating online than
•
face-to-face
there
is some evidence that people are more likely to forget differences in power and
•
differences relating to ethnicity, when using email, compared to face-to-face conversations
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
The downsides of synchronous email conversations include: reduced commitment (it’s
easier to back out of an e-relationship), trivialisation (sending emails about anything and
everything), greater potential for miscommunication and reduced ability to give feedback.
Some people are also easily distracted (e.g. they try to read their emails at the same time,
knowing they can’t be observed by the other person!) and so lose concentration on the
learning conversation.
Asynchronous conversations lack the speed of question and answer of synchronous, but
in return they offer much greater opportunities for reflection. The coach/mentor is able to
produce fewer but better questions; the coachee/mentee to put more thought into their
replies. So the asynchronous conversation tends to be much more considered and hence
more thoughtful.
Telephone-based coaching and mentoring offer immediacy (just-in-time conversations) and
have the benefit that most people are relatively comfortable using this medium. Experienced
telephone coaches tend to develop strong skills of listening. However, inexperienced coaches
and mentors are likely to miss clues such as changes of tone or breathing pattern and coping
with silence on the telephone is very difficult.
Is e-coaching or e-mentoring right for you?
In summary, e-mentoring and e-coaching will work well for you if:
• You live and work at a distance, or aren’t often in the same place at the same time
• You are both comfortable with the technologies you will be using
• You recognise that building virtual relationships is different from building face
to face relationships; and are willing to expend the effort to make it work
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
How do they work?
There are three levels of media for virtual mentoring and coaching. Core media are telephone
and email. Secondary media include: video-conferencing, texting, and social networking.
Tertiary media include: shared learning logs, document-sharing systems, decision-making
systems and other programs, which assist the learning conversation.
Core media
Email
Email-based relationships use on of two types of technological base: independent and
managed. Independent relationships simply make use of normal internet access. Participants
are aware of each other’s email address and there are no restrictions on content or access
apart from spam and virus filters. Most informal virtual coaching and mentoring is managed
in this way.
Managed systems direct emails through a dedicated server, which monitors traffic and
provides additional services, such as information about how to run the coaching/mentoring
relationship online. They are particularly useful when an organisation wants to undertake
application and matching online; or in applications, involving vulnerable people, such as
children under the age of 16, where it is important to monitor the content of conversations.
Confidentiality can be an issue in both independent and managed approaches. Email
correspondence generated in or received by people working in large companies is often
monitored, although less intensively than in managed systems, and this may prevent
participants being fully open in their correspondence.
Telephone
Although many life coaches prefer to work by telephone, the evidence for how effective
this is compared to face to face or email is scarce and mixed. It’s very hard for most people
to cope with thinking time on the phone (we want to fill the silence). However, experienced
telephone coaches tend to develop listening skills that help them overcome some of the
communication limitations of voice only media. Broadly speaking, telephone-only coaching
and mentoring is not advisable for less experienced coaches or mentors, but it can usefully
form part of a mixed media approach.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
A major problem with telephone as a learning medium is that many people – and particularly
activist managers – attempt to double-task during the conversation. For example, they may
tune out while they check their emails!
Telephone plus Skype is more akin to teleconferencing. However, many people find head and
shoulder pictures distracting, because it emphasises the eyes and makes them feel they are
being watched.
Secondary media
Video-conferencing provides more body language clues than telephone or Skype. It is,
however, relatively expensive and inflexible, which explains why it is not one of the most
common media for coaching and mentoring. For relationships, which span continents, the
brief delays from time lags can make conversations stilted – so dialogue is more difficult.
A particular problem is that people end up talking across each other, so the conversation
has lots of starts and stops, which don’t encourage learning.
Texting provides very “thin” communications, though the use of emoticons can provide more
information about feelings than many other media. It’s not possible to go into topics in any
depth using texting, but it is valuable for very short, immediate communication. Coaches and
mentors tend to use it most for giving encouragement (say before an important meeting) or
reminding the coachee/mentee to do something.
Social networks
The internet abounds with websites that allow people to meet and converse virtually.
Some social networks, such as Horsesmouth, link mentors and mentees anonymously and
mentees may seek advice from several different mentors. Some, such as Second Life, provide
a visual virtual meeting place – coach and mentor can select an environment that puts them
both at ease, or stimulates their thinking. In general, however, for one-to-one conversations
there is little advantage over direct email, so this form of virtual coaching/mentoring has
yet to take off.
Tertiary media
These are basically anything else online that might help the learning conversation. They tend
to fall into two categories: those that help structure a thinking process and those that provide
additional information to enrich the learning conversation. The main problem with these
media is that they can take over the conversation, make it too formalised and eat up time
that might have been better invested by the learner outside the coaching/mentoring session.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
What skills do you need to be
effective as an e-mentor or e-coach?
All coaches and mentors need the following basic qualities or competencies,
whatever medium the relationship uses. They need:
• Good general communication skills – the ability to explain concepts clearly, to use
anecdote and metaphor appropriately, to structure arguments logically and to listen
(more than they talk).
Before you send an email, read it through and ask yourself:
•
•
•
•
If I received this, would I understand it as it’s meant?
Is the tone appropriate for the subject?
Is there a clear structure to the message?
If I am asking questions, will they stimulate the coachee’s/mentee’s thinking?
• Rapport building skills – demonstrating respect, empathy and interest in the other
person. In virtual coaching and mentoring, it is just as important to demonstrate an
interest in the other person. Asking about their holiday, a family event, an examination or
other personal topic takes only a few seconds, but has a major impact. If you have been
looking forward to the conversation, say so.
Self-disclosure is a key part of rapport-building. In an e-environment, in particular, brief
details of your own experiences and expertise help to build the learner’s confidence
in you. Talking about your mistakes and what you have learned from them can be very
powerful in a mentoring context.
• Purposefulness - Do you both have the same understanding of the purpose of the
relationship? Is it clear what you both want to come out of this conversation? It can be
much easier to lose this focus at a distance, so make a point to re-assess the conversation
from time to time against the immediate and long-term purpose.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
• Emotional intelligence – being aware of your own emotions and thinking patterns, and
recognising patterns and motivations in the other person. A useful question to ask before
sending any message in e-coaching or e-mentoring is: “What does this tell me about
myself?” Similarly, in reading a message from a coachee or mentee, ask: “What are they
saying that is not within the words, and which they may not be consciously aware of?”
It’s easy, of course, to jump to conclusions without evidence and to play the amateur
psychologist. The simplest way to avoid this is to concentrate on asking insight-provoking
questions.
• Only giving advice when the other person has worked things through as far as they
can. The idea that coaches or mentors never give advice is nonsense, but it is important
to avoid giving advice until you are clear that it is needed, relevant and wanted. In most
cases, a good question achieves more than a page of good advice.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Skills and competencies for the
virtual environment
Even if you are comfortable sending emails and browsing the web, being an effective e-coach
or e-mentor demands more. You may need to develop your skills of:
• Virtual emotional communication. It’s quite hard to read the emotion behind the words
in text or email. Worse, there is quite a lot of evidence that people tend to interpret the
intent behind emails more negatively than intended. So a positive, upbeat message may
come across as neutral and a neutral one as being critical. Some demographic groups –
for example, men over 40 – tend to exhibit this characteristic more than others.
Some basic guidelines to good practice:
−
−
−
If you feel pleased, frustrated, intrigued, worried, angry, disappointed,
or any other emotion – say so. Explicitly
Use emoticons occasionally, to emphasise an emotion
Use underlining to emphasise, but again, don’t overuse
• Netiquette. As with face to face communication, there are rules of polite
conversation online. Among them:
− Use capitals sparingly (they have a similar effect to shouting)
− Don’t overload the other person with information (less is often more).
Avoid sending large attachments unless you have specifically agreed the other
person will review these
• Virtual listening. If you are using the telephone, ensure you are in a quiet place, where
there are no noises from your end to distract. It sometimes helps to close your eyes and
“see” the other person at their end of the telephone. Before the conversation begins, you
can also relax yourself and become aware of the sounds around you, which you would not
normally notice. The more you let yourself become aware of their breathing, the minor
changes in the tone of their voice, the more attentive you will be to what is really being
said – and what is not being said.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
If you are communicating by email, virtual listening involves:
− Looking for patterns in the text. (The “find” option in Windows can be useful here.)
Do particular words or phrases recur in the same context?
− Taking time to consider what was meant by a statement or question. Good practice
is to read the email quickly first, to gain a broad impression; then again in detail,
to look behind the words; then a third time, to consider “What did I miss?”
• Understanding the technology you are using. In many e-mentoring relationships, part
of the contract is that the more IT-literate mentee will help the mentor familiarise
themselves with new technologies. However the learning takes place, both parties need
to feel confident in their ability to compose and receive messages using the agreed media.
One relationship struggled, for example, because the coach didn’t like to admit he didn’t
understand text-speak.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Practical tips for using email in
learning conversations
• If you are using unfamiliar or temperamental technology, have a ready source
•
•
•
•
•
•
of technical help – it can really frustrate the other person if the technology doesn’t work.
Have an agreed back-up system to switch to
Always double check who you are sending the message to – it’s easy inadvertently
to breach confidentiality
Don’t expect immediate replies, unless you have agreed to converse synchronously –
the other person has many other responsibilities and may be in a different time zone
If you receive a message and can’t get round to answering it for a while, or want time
to consider a reply, send a brief reply to inform them that you have it and, if possible,
when you expect to respond in detail
If it’s a long message, say so in the header. This gives them an opportunity to choose
when they can give it full attention
Take cultural factors into account – different senses of humour, different conventions
on day/month/year, and so on
Trim out the correspondence trail unless it’s really relevant for this conversation.
Particularly if the other person is receiving emails on a mobile device, it makes
a simple, short message look vast
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Skills of telephone coaching and
mentoring
Telephone coaching has some of the advantages of email, in that it can be arranged
relatively immediately.
The biggest difficulties for most people are:
• Creating opportunities for reflection (people don’t do silence over the phone very well)
• Having too shallow conversations, as a result of insufficient clues as to the client’s
emotions
Practical guidelines include:
• An uninterrupted environment is essential for both coach and coachee;
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
“Do not disturb” signs can be helpful!
Have clear expectations about the length of the session. Telephone coaching/
mentoring tend to be more tiring, so 45 to 60 minutes is normally the maximum range
Ensure the client is in an appropriate emotional state for coaching or mentoring.
If possible and appropriate, encourage them to spend a few minutes relaxing into
the process
Listen carefully to their tone of voice. When you detect changes, reflect this back to them.
If appropriate, ask if their body position has changed and how. This can provide valuable
clues to their feelings
Vary the pace of your speech and the sensory content (visual, kinaesthetic, auditory)
to align with theirs. This helps build rapport
Use your intuition. If you can, hold a mental picture of them. If something seems
incongruent with that picture, explore why
Be aware of your own feelings, as clues to theirs (it’s remarkable how much can
be projected in this way!)
Paraphrase frequently to check mutual understanding
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
The golden rules of Netiquette
Expert advice on email communication comes from Virginia Shea, author of Netiquette
(Albion Books, 1994) who provides 10 golden rules:
1.
Remember the human – think of the other person as a real person and imagine the
impact of any messages you send, stripped of the normal clues of tone and expression.
What might raise a smile face to face may deeply offend by email.
2. Adhere to the same standards of behaviour online that you follow in real life – even in
Second Life, it’s essential to remain ethical in a professional conversation.
3. Know where you are in cyberspace – if you take part in an unfamiliar online forum, get
to know the rules before you launch into it.
4. Respect other people’s time and bandwidth – don’t copy them in unless they really
need to know.
5. Make yourself look good online – think about what you say and how that makes you
appear. Many jobseekers have come to regret their blogs, for example, as prospective
employers look them up and see a different side of them from that on their CV!
Don’t swear or use inflammatory language.
6. Share expert knowledge – give others the opportunity to benefit from your language
(but respect the other person’s confidentiality).
7. Help keep flame wars under control – not an issue normally in e-mentoring and
e-coaching, but if you take exception to something that’s said, start by questioning
the other person’s intention. More often than not your initial reaction is a
misunderstanding.
8. Maintain other people’s privacy – what’s said in e-coaching and e-mentoring is just as
confidential as in face-to-face relationships. Given the openness of email, it is best to
avoid summarising electronically confidential information given by telephone or
face-to-face. Never say in an email what you wouldn’t write on a postcard!
9. Don’t abuse your power – this is more directed at programme coordinators, who may
have access to email content, particularly in programmes aimed at young or vulnerable
people. It makes sense to publish rules about when and how content may be monitored.
10. Be forgiving of other people’s mistakes – if they do send a file that blocks your inbox,
let them know gently (everyone is an IT newcomer at some point!)
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Managing the distant relationship
The key stages in an e-mentoring relationship vary slightly from those in
e-coaching, largely because e-mentoring tends to be a longer term arrangement.
The relationship contract
Like face to face mentoring and coaching relationships, virtual coaching and mentoring work
best when both parties have the same expectations of themselves and each other. So it’s
important to agree ahead of the first formal e-meeting:
• The purpose of the relationship – what you both expect in terms of personal change and
•
•
•
•
•
learning outcomes
How often you expect to meet for planned, regular sessions; and for how long
What is appropriate in terms of contact between meetings (when, how often, in what
depth)
What technologies you will use and how
Rules of netiquette (see above)
How you will manage communication “disconnects” (times when one or both of you feels
the conversation has lost the plot, or that the relationship is struggling)
Setting goals and direction
Coaching tends to emphasise much more focused goals than mentoring, which tends to
work within a broader sense of purpose. In general, the more specific the goals set at the
beginning, the shallower the learning relationship will be in terms of significant personal
transformation. Very specific goals are best left to emerge from the coaching or mentoring
conversations.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Useful goal/purpose setting questions the coach or mentor can pose include:
•
•
•
•
•
In what ways do you want to be different within yourself in a year’s time?
In what ways do you want your circumstances to be different?
What do you want to work towards and what do you want to work away from?
What is your dream?
What conversations will help you:
− Clarify your goals?
− Make progress towards them?
• How will we use analysis and conversation around day-to-day issues to build
understanding and stimulate change in line with your overall goals/ purpose?
Making progress
Once the relationship is going, it develops a life of its own. However, e-mentoring
relationships are particularly susceptible to what we call “relationship droop” – a gradual loss
of momentum, shown perhaps in longer periods between e-correspondence. Sometimes this
is a natural outcome of the learner having taken ideas on board and experimenting with them
– they are not communicating, because for the moment, they have nothing to say. At other
times, however, it is because the relationship is no longer stimulating them. Hence the critical
importance of reviewing the relationship. We recommend that after every series of emails
around a topic, the coach or mentor invites the coachee/mentee to summarise their learning,
and adds to it as appropriate. Every third formal session, there should be a relationship
review covering questions such as:
• Are we still clear about the purpose of the learning relationship?
• What could we be doing more or less of?
• Are we dealing with topics in sufficient depth or with sufficient constructive challenge?
Winding up
If the review process has been managed properly, it will become clear when the relationship
has achieved most of what it was intended to. As with face to face coaching and mentoring,
a positive, planned ending is much more likely to leave both parties with a lasting good
feel about the relationship. It’s important to thank each other for the privilege of learning
together. A practical structure for this final e-conversation is:
• What did we achieve and what still remains to be done?
• What have we learned about ourselves and each other?
• What will take the place of the coach/mentor in the coachee’s/mentor’s life or work?
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Moving on
Many successful coaching and mentoring relationships continue in an adapted form –
an ad hoc friendship. Many participants continue to send each other snippets of useful
information, and to use each other as an occasional sounding board. Discussing this
in the winding up stage establishes an intention. Many participants link up publicly
in social networks, so the coaching or mentoring relationship becomes part of a wider
circle of support.
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Troubleshooting guide
We don’t seem to get
into any depth in our
e-conversations
Some questions to consider include:
• Are you both comfortable with the technology?
• Are you both clear about relationship purpose
and how you can help?
• Do either or both of you have concerns about
the confidentiality of the media?
Offer some thoughts (or better, examples) about what a really
meaningful coaching/mentoring conversation looks like.
What could you both do to achieve that?
We keep
miscommunicating
Have you established a set of relationship protocols – rules about how
you will express thoughts? Consider also widening the range of media
used – the more media the less chance of misunderstanding.
I think we have fallen into
“relationship droop” –
I can’t get my coachee/
mentee to respond to me
Invite the coachee/mentee to revisit with you the intention of the
relationship. If needed, restart the relationship from the beginning.
Check whether there is a serious personal or work problem that is
preventing them from putting attention into the coaching/mentoring relationship. If there is, offer to be a sounding board for them
in resolving it. If you still get no reply, switch to other media, or go
through an intermediary.
My coachee/mentee
is over-demanding
What expectations did you create at the beginning of the relationship? Remind them in your next email response.
I don’t feel I have the right
expertise for this coachee/
mentee
How much does specific expertise figure in their expectations of
the relationship? While some subject expertise may be necessary to
frame the right questions, you can still stimulate a lot of reflective
thinking by asking questions from your broader experience. Research
shows that experts tend to be narrow in the range of options they
consider and in the logic of the thinking they apply.
I’m not sure whether the
relationship has run its
course
It’s for the coachee/mentee to determine that. Have you carried out
the review process sufficiently frequently? Do you feel that they have
accomplished much of what they intended? Look at your own motivations: are you hanging on to this relationship because you enjoy and
benefit from it? While you don’t want to cast them adrift, equally you
need to let the bird fly the nest when it is ready!
© Clutterbuck Associates 2010
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How to be a great e-mentor or e-coach
Bibliography and further reading
on virtual coaching and mentoring
Bierema, LL & Merriam SB (2002) E-mentoring: Using computer mediated communication
to enhance the mentoring process Innovative Higher Education 26(3) pp211-27
Byron, K (2008) Carrying too heavy a load? The communication and miscommunication
of emotion by email Academy of Management Review 33(2) pp309-327
Clutterbuck, D and Hussain, Z (2009) Virtual Coach, Virtual mentor, Information
Age Publishing
Ensher, EA & Murphy, SE (2007) E-mentoring. In Ragins, BR & Kram, KE (Eds) The Handbook
of Mentoring at Work: Theory, Research and Practice. Sage, Los Angeles pp299-322
Fagenson-Elland, E & Lu, RY (2004) Virtual Mentoring. In Clutterbuck, D & Lane G (Eds)
The Situational Mentor, Gower, Aldershot pp148-159
Hamilton, BA & Scandura, TA (2003) Implications for Organizational Learning and
Development in a Wired World Organizational Dynamics 31(4) pp 388-402
Harrington, A (1999) E-mentoring: The Advantages and Disadvantages of using email
to support distant mentoring, www.coachingnetwork.org.uk/ResourceCentre/Articles/
viewarticle,asp?artId=63
Shea, V (1994) Netiquette, Albion Books
Single, PB & Muller, CB (2001) When email and mentoring unite: the implementation
of a nationwide electronic mentoring programme. In Stromei, LK (Ed) Creating Mentoring
and Coaching Programmes, American Society for Training and Development, Alexandria, VA
Whiting, V & Janasz, SC (2004) Mentoring in the 21st Century: Using the internet to build
skills and networks, Journal of Management Education 28 pp275-293
Woodd, M (1999) The Challenges of Tele-mentoring, Journal of European Industrial Training
23(3) pp140-144
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