Vol. 14 Issue 50
All Rights Reserved © 2016
HEADHUNTERS!
A missionary was going in to the most remote
section of Africa. He found a native that
would take him upstream to a tribe of
headhunters cut off from civilization. In the
distance they could hear drums.
"What is that drumming?" he asked nervously. The native replied, "Drums okay, but
if they stop it would be very bad."
The drums continued for 3 days as they
got closer to the headhunters' village. Then
without warning the drums suddenly stopped. The forest fell
eerily silent.
With panic in his voice, the missionary calls out to the
guide, "The drums have stopped! What happens now?" The
guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and
with despair in his voice, answered, "Tuba solo."
GLAD TIDINGS
A woman from out of town was visiting a local church one
Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever,
and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked
up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and
said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the gentleman replied, "You're
not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's
done too!!"
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BEING HAPPY NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE
"DO NOT INSULT THE MOTHER ALLIGATOR UNTIL YOU HAVE CROSSED THE RIVER." -HAITIAN PROVERB
FAITH IN GOD CHANGES EVERYTHING
A PERSON WHO CAN TALK ABOUT THEIR INFERIORITY HASN'T ANY
DEAR GOD, PLEASE LEAD ME. I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE...
CARPE PER DIEM - SEIZE THE CHECK
SUCCESS IS A LOUSY TEACHER; IT SEDUCES SMART PEOPLE INTO THINKING THEY CAN’T LOSE - BILL GATES
IT’S ALRIGHT LETTING YOURSELF GO AS LONG AS YOU CAN GET YOURSELF BACK - MICK JAGGER
THE CIA TODAY ADMITTED THAT THE PIANO THEY DROPPED FROM A PLANE FAILED TO HIT CASTRO’S COFFIN
OLD MACDONALD
Its the final round of the $64,000 question and
only 3 remaining contestants are left, an Englishman, a Texan and a gentleman from the
state of Arkansas. The question is, finish the
following song title and spell the answer. "
Old Macdonald had a _ _ _ _ _ _ _.”
The Englishman, sighing, goes first and says
"Estate, "e-s-t-a-t-e.”
The announcer says sorry wrong answer,
but right spelling. Meanwhile the man
from Arkansas is going nuts and he is so
excited he cannot control himself.
The Texan goes next and answers, "Ranch, r-an-c-h.”
The announcer says sorry
wrong answer but right spelling. Meanwhile, the Arkansan is jumping up and
down and is so excited he is almost
screaming. Finally, the announcer
turns to the man from Arkansas and
says, "for $64,000 what is the answer.”
Without hesitation he answers,
"farm, e-i-e-i-o."
OPPORTUNITY IS OFTEN MISSED BY PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS DRESSED IN OVERALLS AND LOOKS LIKE WORK - THOMAS EDISON
* On Dec. 22, 1808, Beethoven's Fifth Symphony
premieres in Vienna, Austria, in a
freezing venue. Two hours into the
poorly played concert, Beethoven
stopped the music and had the ensemble start again from the beginning.
* On Dec. 24, 1923, President Calvin
Coolidge touches a button and lights up the first national
Christmas tree to grace the White House grounds. The balsam
fir was the first to be decorated with electric lights -- a strand
of 2,500 red, white and green bulbs.
* On Dec. 23, 1959, rock 'n' roll pioneer
Chuck Berry is arrested in Missouri and
charged with transporting a 14-yearold girl across state lines for allegedly immoral purposes. Berry spent 20
months in federal prison following
his conviction for violating the Mann
Act.
GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL... TODAY... TOMORROW... FOREVER.
HISTORICALLY, PRIVACY WAS A GIVEN BECAUSE IT WAS SO HARD TO GATHER AND SHARE INFORMATION
* On Dec. 21, 1970, Elvis Presley visits
President Richard Nixon to offer his services in the government's war on drugs. Presley, who was apparently not
searched at the gate, presented the
president with a gift -- a World
War II-era Colt .45 pistol.
* On Dec. 19, 1986, Michael
Sergio, who parachuted into
Game Six of the 1986 World Series at New York's Shea
Stadium with a "Let's Go Mets" banner, is fined $500 and
sentenced to 100 hours of community service.
* On Dec. 20, 1995, the United Nations peacekeeping force
formally transfers military authority in Bosnia to North Atlantic Treaty Organization forces, allowing the deployment
of some 60,000 NATO troops.
* On Dec. 25, 2002, University of New Mexico junior
placekicker Katie Hnida becomes the first woman to play in
a Division I football game. In 2004,
Hnida told Sports Illustrated that she
had been sexually harassed while at
the University of Colorado. The Colorado football coach responded by
calling Hnida "not only a girl" but a
"terrible" player. He was suspended
briefly and left the team in 2005.
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.
GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL... TODAY... TOMORROW... FOREVER. GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL
LITTLE THINGS CAN MEAN A LOT
As you might remember, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten that day.
Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off.
One was late, stuck in traffic on the NJ Turnpike
One of them missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to change.
One's car wouldn't start.
One couldn't get a taxi.
One man put on a new pair of shoes that morning and developed a blister on his foot. He had to stop at a drugstore to buy
a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive.
Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an exit, turn back for
something forgotten... all the little things that annoy me, I
think to myself, this may be where God wants me to be at this
very moment. Next time your morning seems to be
going wrong, you can't seem to find the car keys,
you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; just think, it may be that God is at
work watching over you.
May God continue to bless you
with all those annoying little
things, and may you remember
their possible purpose.
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR LOVE LIFE, BANK ACCOUNT AND NEXT MOVE PRIVATE = FIDEL CASTRO
THE SECRET TO GETTING AHEAD IS GETTING STARTED
TRUE LOVE HAS A HABIT OF COMING BACK TO YOU
A ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO MOSS, BUT IT DOES GAIN A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF POLISH
I’VE NEVER TURNED BLUE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S BATHROOM. I CONSIDER THAT THE HEIGHT OF BAD MANNERS - KEITH RICHARDS
LOSE YOUR DREAMS AND YOU MAY LOSE YOUR MIND - MICK JAGGER
NOTHING CAN STOP GOD’S PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE...NOT EVEN YOU
* It was beloved American humorist and social commentator
Will Rogers who made the following sage observation: "Too
many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things
they don't want, to impress people they don't like."
WHATEVER DOESN’T KILL ME BETTER START RUNNING
* Famed Thoroughbred racehorse Man o' War was as successful off the track as he was on it. After his famed career, he retired to stud, producing more than 64 stakes winners. Man o'
War sired 1937 Triple Crown winner
War Admiral, and he was grandsire of
Seabiscuit, who was Horse of the
Year in 1938. In 1966, 37 percent
of all stakes winners were descended from Man o' War, and he appears at least 17 times in the bloodline of American Pharaoh, the 2015
Triple Crown winner.
* Those who study such things say that hyenas are more closely
related to cats than to dogs.
* Those who study spycraft are aware of the many ingenious
ways that have been used to pass secret messages. One of the
earliest examples occurred in the late 6th century BCE, when
Histiaeus, the tyrant of Miletus (in present-day Turkey), shaved
the head of his most trusted slave, tattooed a message on the
slave's scalp, and waited for the hair to grow back before dispatching the slave to his son-in-law, Aristagoras, along with
instructions to shave the slave's head upon his arrival.
* Police in Saudi Arabia have been instructed to arrest young
men wearing tight jeans; the garments are considered to be immodest and un-Islamic.
* The Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company,
founded in 1858 and based in Newark, New
Jersey, has the distinction of producing the
first beer in cans, back in January 1935.
***
Thought for the Day: "A man is known by
the company he keeps. A company is known by the men it
keeps." -- Thomas J. Watson
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.