The following is a list of Laffy Taffy™ jokes that our family has collected. Laffy Taffy is a
product of the Wonka™ Company. Visit www.wonka.com for more information.
Willy Wonka Candy Factory
Laffy Taffy "Jokes" Entries
P.O. Box 72309
Rockford, MN 55572.
#
Question:
Why do mother kangaroos hate
the rain?
What is an owl's favorite
subject?
In what month do people talk
the least?
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
What does Christmas have to do
with a cat in a desert?
What did the hippy paper say to
the hippy pen?
What do you get when you send
a cow to Alaska?
Why did the matador trade his
swords for a gun?
Do doctors make housecalls?
1
2
3
4
5
Why did the pig go into the
kitchen?
What were tarzan's last words?
Why did the boy throw butter
out his window?
What is a parasite?
Why did the chicken cross the
playground?
Which garden has the most
vegetables?
What did the noodles say to the
butter?
How many vampires does it take
to put in a light bulb?
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
Contributor:
Because the kids have to play
inside all day.
Owlgebra.
February- it's the shortest
month in the year.
Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
They both have sandy claws.
Write-on.
Cold cream!
Eric M., Chicago, IL
He wanted to shoot the bull.
Yes, but your house has to be
really sick.
It felt like bacon.
Bradley J., Panama
City Beach, FL
“Who greased the vine?”
He wanted to see a butterfly.
Something you see in Paris.
To get to the other slide!
Flash garden.
Don't try and butter me up.
None. Vampires like the dark.
Alfred C., Des Moines,
IA
David B., Paramus, NJ
Brandon R., Florence,
SC
Brooke K., Yardley, PA
Marquita C., Williston,
SC
#
Question:
6
What is the best way to keep
water from running?
What do you call a cow with a
twitch?
What did John do when his dog
ate his science book?
Why is it so hot in a stadium
after a football game?
Why is a lost Dalmatian easily
found?
When is homework not
homework?
Why did the skeleton cross the
road?
When does it rain money?
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
19
20
21
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
Which are the stronger days of
the week
What did Delaware?
What do pigs give on Valentines
day?
Why did the old woman tie
skates on the rocking chair?
What do astronauts eat for
dinner?
What is yellow and wears a
mask?
What does a bee sit on?
Why did the skeleton go to the
movies by himself?
Why was the policeman in bed?
Where do cows go to have fun?
What starts with “T”, is full of
“T”, and ends with “T”?
Teacher: Johnny, what is the
definition of infinity?
What did one window say to the
other window?
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
Don't pay the water bill.
Beef jerky.
He took the words right out of
his mouth.
All the fans have left.
Because he's always spotted.
When it is turned into the
teacher.
To get to the body shop.
When there is a change in the
weather.
Saturday and Sunday - the rest
are weekdays.
A brand New Jersey.
Valenswines.
Because she wanted to rock and
roll.
Launch meat.
Contributor:
Dawn B., Kansas City,
MO
Michael M.,
Youngstown, OH
Vickie R., Franklin, LA
Lori W., Clayton, OK
Devon K. Rochester,
MN
Nicholas W., Sandy,
UT
Tiffany M., Superior,
WI
Suzanna C., Salt Lake
City, UT
Randy T., Festus, MO
Jesus V., Lareda, TX
Shyanne B., Fargo, ND
His bee-hind (behind).
Andreanett J., Gadsen,
AL
Rachelle B.,
Scottsdale, AZ
Bradley D., Viroqua,
WI
Lydia F., Urbana, IL
He had no body to go with him.
Jon H., Cocoa, FL
Because he was an undercover
cop.
The moo-vies.
A teapot.
Emillie D., Turlock, CA
The lone lemon.
Tonight’s homework assignment.
Sarah N., Marshall, IL
Sunuel J., Tuskegee,
AL
Jenny H., Dubuque, IA
I am in “pane”.
Daryl J., Memphis, TN
#
Question:
32
Why did the apple turnover?
33
What did the little boy tell the
game warden?
What do you call a chicken
crossing the road?
What do you call a mean tempered horse?
Where do fish sleep?
34
35
36
37
38
39
Answer:
Because he got jealous of the
jelly roll.
His dad was in the kitchen
poaching eggs.
Poultry in motion.
A nightmare!
In a water bed!
Erin H., Laurens, IA
Plant it in the spring.
David L., Glencoe, IL
His mom told him to “live in the
present”.
Because Mozart’s teacher was
Hayden.
Jerome B., Norfolk,
VA
John S., Oakland, CA
42
What flies and helps people?
A helidoctor.
43
What kind of plant do you put in
a cake?
Why don’t ducks tell jokes while
they are flying?
How do small children travel?
Flower.
What has hands, but cannot
clap?
What do you watch on TV in the
morning?
Why did Billy take a ruler to
bed with him?
How do you get the water into
watermelon?
Why was the boy covered in gift
wrap?
Why couldn’t Mozart find his
teacher?
A clock.
46
47
48
49
50
51
Updated: 10/2/2016
Patrick B., San
Antonio, TX
Tim A., Elm Mott, TX
To see how long he slept.
41
45
Mike C., Mitchell, SD
A breakfast serial (cereal).
Why did the elephant decide not Because he couldn't lift his
to move?
trunk.
How do sheep get clean?
They take a baa-aa-aa-th.
We will send you to court.
44
Amber L., Pittston, PA
Darrell J., Panama City
Beach, FL
Jamal J., Birmingham,
AL
Megan D., Des Moines,
IA
Nathan M., Salt Lake
City, UT
Greg S., Stone
Mountain, GA
Gwendolyn S., Peoria,
IL
Adam S., Dunn Loring,
VA
Sharon S., Sandy
Hook, CT
Elizabeth F., Sunland
Park, NM
Anna G., New Smyrna,
FL
Lakashia P.,
Charlestown, IN
Brad N., Winstead, CT
What did the judge say to the
racket?
What kind of teeth can you buy
with a dollar?
Why was the ocean arrested?
40
Contributor:
Buck teeth.
Because it beat upon the shore.
Because they would quack up.
In mini vans.
#
Question:
52
What is the definition of a
farmer?
What did one casket say to the
other casket?
What do you call a lazy baby
kangaroo?
Why did the elephant cross the
road?
What do you call a bird with
glasses?
Why didn’t the duck cross the
grill?
What does a chicken and a band
have in common?
What is a buckaneer?
How do you get an alien baby to
sleep?
What does a television have in
common with a rabbit?
What did the crop say to the
farmer?
What makes music on your
head?
What is green and pecks on a
tree?
How do mules open locked
barns?
What did one autumn leaf say to
another?
What kind of shoes do mice
wear?
What do you get with a fly, a
pet, and a car?
Why did the mother cat move
her kittens?
What do you get when you cross
a pig and a cactus?
Which candy can’t get anywhere
on time?
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
75
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
Contributor:
Someone who is outstanding in
his field.
That you coffin?
Tara K., South Bend,
IN
Tina P., Raleigh, NC
A “pouch” potato.
Emily P., Ironton, OH
Because it was the chicken’s day
off.
A bird watcher.
His ears!
Leonne T., Mashpee,
MA
Shannon K.,
Conshohocken, PA
Dawn D., Manhattan,
IL
Jennifer W., Houston,
TX
David S., Ypsilanti, MI
Connie P., Grand Fork,
ND
S. H., Deer Park, TX
Why are you always picking on
me?
A head band!
Dean T., Baton Rough,
LA
Sara C., Salem, OR
Woody wood pickle.
Matthew W., Trenton,
NJ
Nissi W., Carbondale,
IL
Brady M., Cleburne, TX
He didn’t want to be roast duck.
They both have drumsticks.
Expensive corn.
You rocket.
With don-keys.
I’m falling for you!
Squeakers.
A porkypine.
Syd R., Bonne Terre,
MO
Reyna A., Ann Arbor,
MI
Andrew H., Greenwell
Springs, LA
Mally D., Tyler, TX
Choco-late!
Ruth D., Chicago, IL
A flying car pet!
She didn’t want to litter.
#
Question:
76
Where does an alien get its
milk?
Where do you find pre-historic
cows?
What did the tree say to the
wind?
What kind of key doesn’t open a
lock?
Why do some people never go
bald?
Why did the little mouse run
away from home?
Why did the sun go to school?
Do you know what Mary had
when she went to dinner?
What did one penny say to the
other?
Why don't lobsters share?
From the Milky Way.
Nissi W., Stockton, CA
In a mooseum!
Christina S., Tucson,
AZ
Aaron F., Palo Ato, CA
What did one triangle say to the
other triangle?
What is labor day?
Let’s get together and square
dance.
That's when mommies have
their babies.
Because their horns don't work.
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
91
92
Why do cows wear bells around
their necks?
What kind of shorts do clouds
wear?
What happened to the wind?
When was meat so high?
95
Why is the baker so mean?
96
What is a fish's favorite
country?
Why was the cat afraid of the
tree?
What does a pig put on his cut?
Why did the ghost sing off key?
What's the best way to brush
your hare?
90
97
98
99
100
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
“Leaf” me alone!
A monkey.
They have a re-seeding hairline.
Because his father was a rat.
It wanted to be brighter.
Everybody knows, Mary had a
little lamb.
Let’s get together and make
some sense.
Because they are shellfish.
Thunderwear!
It blew away.
When the cow jumped over the
moon.
Because he beats the bread.
Finland.
He was afraid of the bark!
Oinkment.
He left his sheet music at home.
Hold him firmly by his long ears
and brush gently.
Contributor:
Shara L., Anadarko,
OK
Terri T., St. Charles,
MO
Jason C., Troy, MI
Jake M., Warrior, AL
Meredith H.,
Hutchinson, KS
Samantha D., Central
Point, OR
Taryn G., Deek Park,
NY
Zina S., Phoenix, AZ
Amber T., Alameda, CA
Leslie H., Emerado, ND
Danial W., Torrance,
CA
Nicole P., Kingman, AZ
Christy M., Festus, MO
David H., Highland
Park, IL
Chris M., Littleton, CO
Trenton F., Broken
Arrow, OK
Lindsey S., Desoto, MD
Tara M., Festus, MO
Casey S., Desoto, MO
#
Question:
101
What does the bunny say on
Jan. 1st?
How come beachcombers never
starve at the beach?
Why did the man take a hammer
to bed?
What do you call Lassie with a
rose in her mouth?
What do you call a pony with a
cough?
What pounds in your ears?
What bee does well in school?
What's green and sings?
Hoppy New Year.
What has 10 letters and starts
with gas?
What does a pig write with?
An automobile.
102
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
Why did the children all eat
their homework?
What is a vampire’s favorite
food?
Where do sick boats go?
Why was the student’s report
card wet?
Why was the tomato blushing?
What do you call twin brothers?
Why did the potato go to
France?
What do bulls write with?
If you dog kisses you what do
you call it?
How do hens stay fit?
What kind of cat likes water?
What is a vampire’s favorite
drink?
What do you call a cold puppy
sitting on a rabbit?
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
Because of all the sand-which-is
there.
He wanted to hit the sack.
A cauliflower.
A little hoarse!
The drum.
A spelling bee.
"Elvis Parsley!!"
Contributor:
Shannon S., Desoto,
MO
Heidi L., Bellmore, NY
Amanda H., DeSoto,
MO
Hannah L., Baltimore,
MD
Matthew B., Ardmore,
PA
Michele H., Henry, VA
Jodi W., Desoto, MO
Christopher M.,
Essexville, MI
Cayla A., Huntley, IL
An oink pen.
Molly W., Schaumberg,
IL
Because he teacher said it was a James S., Hasbrouck
piece of cake.
Hts, NJ
Neck-tarines!
Matthew L., Tupelo,
MS
The dock!
Anna A., Woodstock,
GA
Because his grades were below
Nicole C., Portsmouth,
C-level.
VA
It saw the salad dressing.
Casey S., Centralia, IL
A sunset.
Tony L., Louisville, KY
Because he wanted to be a
Sean S., Mt. Laurel,
French fry.
NJ
With a bullpen.
Katie T., Desota, MO
A pooch smooch.
Steve H., Festus, MO
They always eggs-ercise.
An octopuss!
A bloody mary!
David M., Desoto, MO
Ben W., Festus, MO
Daniel K., Louisville, KY
A chilly dog on a bun!
Billy W., Festus, MO
#
127
128
129
130
131
132
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
Question:
Answer:
Contributor:
What is black and white and
blue all over?
What did one cool alien say to
the other?
Mississippi, how do you spell it?
A skunk in the north pole.
Jeff B., Hernando, MS
Yo! You’re a far out dude!
Alyssa H., Eltopia, WA
I-T
What’s at the bottom of the
ocean and shakes?
Which president was the
biggest ham?
What kind of ship never sinks?
A nervous wreck.
Andrew H., Everson ,
WA
Alex D., Saugus, MA
Abraham! (Lincoln, of course)
Friendship.
Where do very smart hot dogs
On honor rolls!
end up?
What is a cat's favorite thing to A catalog.
read?
What is a cat’s favorite color?
Purr-ple
Jessie E., Knoxville,
TN
Angela R., Mckenzie,
TN
David S., Newburgh
Hts, OH
Matthew J., Dayton,
OH
Nicholaus L.
Sacramento, CA
Sara H., Lansdale, PA
Keri B., Heber, UT
Arthur W., Des
Plaines, IL
Tessa W., Jema, LA
What is a bunny’s motto?
When does a doctor get mad?
What do you get when you cross
Noah’s ark and a bug?
What gives a ghost the right to
scare you?
How come the Buffalo Bills went
to the bank?
What animal has more lives than
a cat?
What does the sun skate on?
Don’t frown, be hoppy.
When he runs out of patients.
Arctic.
How did the farmer move his
cow?
What do you get when you mix
paint together?
Why couldn’t the skeleton add 1
+ 1?
What can you throw but can’t
catch?
Why did the bowling pins stop
working?
In a mooving van.
Tiffany M.,
Churchville, NY
Amber W., Owatonna,
MN
Morgan W.,
Washington, DC
Shauna C., Purdue, IN
A mess.
Ashley H., Clinton, IA
Because he didn’t have a brain.
Tracy M., West Palm
Beach, FL
Trisha B., Spring
Green, WI
David R., Oakville, MO
Updated: 10/2/2016
A haunting license.
To get their quarter back.
A frog because it croaks every
night.
Solarblades.
A party.
Because they went on strike.
#
Question:
Answer:
150
Why do fish swim in schools?
151
How many months have 28 days?
152
What has 2 banks but no
money?
What did King Tut say when he
got scared?
What do you call a grizzly bear
standing in the rain?
What do you call a dinosaur that
lost his glasses?
Why did the witch fly her
broom?
What kind of candy gets the
giggles?
Why is your nose in the middle
of your face?
How did the bones cross the
street?
What did the fan say to the
other fan?
What store do dogs refuse to
go to?
Why did the baby ghost cry?
A river.
What did the hotdog say when
he won the contest?
Why did the spider log on to the
internet?
How can you tell the ocean is
friendly?
What has a bottom on its top?
What do you do with a sick
wasp?
Why are A’s like flowers?
What goes up but never comes
down?
Why was the broom late?
I'm the wiener!
153
154
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
Updated: 10/2/2016
Because they can’t walk in
schools.
All of them!
I want my mummy!
A drizzly bear.
DOYOUTHINKHESAURUS.
Because her vacuum was too
heavy.
Laffy Taffy.
Because it is the scenter!
Contributor:
Heather D., Wichita,
KS
Jessica N., Paducah,
KY
Emily B., Fayetteville,
AR
Antwaujn A., Detroit,
MI
Allison H., Omaha, NE
Jennifer K.,
Springdale, AR
Alex A., Shreveport,
LA
Tim E., Lawrence, KS
You blow me away.
Alisa G., Washington,
DC
Wayne H., Social
Circle, GA
Jessica S., Docena, AL
The flea market.
J.P.B., Ballwin, MO
‘Cause it had a boo-boo.
Melissa T., Kirkwood,
MO
Kyle P., New Braunfels,
TX
Jeffrey H., Madison,
WI
Christopher B., Gary,
IN
Brecken L., Dekalb, IL
Alexander T.,
Skowhegan, MA
Andrea P., Newport, RI
Stefanie B.,
Woodstock, VT
Kristin K., Eureka, NV
They didn’t, the dogs ate them.
He wanted to go to his web-site.
Because it waves!
Your legs!
Take it to a waspital.
Because B’s come after them!
Your age.
It overswept!
#
Question:
Answer:
175
How do you fix a monkey?
With a monkey wrench!
176
Shiver me timbers!
177
What does a ship say when it’s
cold?
How do billboards talk?
178
What kind of chain is edible?
A food chain.
179
What do you call Minnesota
when it snows?
How do you know when the moon
is going broke?
What is a tree’s favorite drink?
Minnesnowda.
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
Sign language.
When it is down to a quarter.
Root Beer!
How does a dinosaur come out of Wet!
a pool?
What would you do without your Forget.
memories?
What animal talks the most?
A yak.
Why did the chicken go to the
library?
How did the monkey cross the
road?
Where does Scrooge go to in
New York City?
What did the cake say to the
candle?
What animal don’t you play cards
with?
What is a strawberry when it is
sad?
Which monkey can fly?
What do you call a dinosaur
that’s asleep?
What has four legs and goes
booo?
What is a caterpillar afraid of?
Updated: 10/2/2016
To check out a bawk, bawk,
bawk, bawk.
It jumped on a chicken’s back.
The Grumpire State Building!
You’re burning my back.
A cheetah.
A blueberry!
A hot air baboon!
A dinosnore.
A cow with a cold.
A dogerpillar!
Contributor:
Kristen N., Flagstaff,
AZ
Rachael J., Jackson,
WY
Courtney F., Richmond,
VA
Trisha B., Charleston,
WV
Annette H., Duluth,
MN
L. B., Elizabethtown,
KY
Al V., Double Springs,
AL
Trenton S.,
Wenatchee, WA
Matt W., San Diego,
CA
Jessica S., San Diago,
CA
Anthony A., Salem, OR
Lindsey C., Winamac,
IN
Kristine G., New
Bedford, MA
Sandra M., Dekalb, IL
Bethany C., Louisville,
TN
Danielle S., Miami, FL
Jasmine F., Reno, NV
Alex G., Hot Springs,
AR
Vaughn N., North
Platte, NE
Courtney S., Ann
Arbor, MI
#
Question:
197
What has a head, a tail, but no
body?
What do you call an owl that has
armor on?
What is in the middle of Paris?
198
201
202
205
206
211
212
215
216
217
218
219
220
227
228
229
230
235
236
237
Answer:
A Coin.
Zoe B., Milwaukee, WI
A knight owl.
Kacie L, Grand Rapids,
MI
Cadie M., St. Joseph,
MO
Becca E., Sauget, IL
The letter R.
What’s the funniest bone in your The humerus.
body?
How far did the witch fly?
Ghost to ghost.
Because …too many…
Marvi P., China Grove,
TX
John W.,
Hiendersonville, NC
Rachel G., Los Angeles,
CA
Tracey P., Canyon City,
OR
Charles P., Houston,
TX
Nick F., Baton Rouge,
LA
Stephanie T., Mountain
Ranch, CA
Katie M., Bettendorf,
IA
Shalonda S., Fairfax,
SC
Rose W., Festus, MO
I’ve got my eye on you!
Tiffany G., Minot, ND
Hopscotch.
French flies.
Ashley S., Desoto, MO
Elisha R., New Haven,
CT
Christina M., New
Bedford, MA
Jackie B., Utica, NY
Renee P., Pueblo, CO
Karl H., Frisco, TX
How does every baseball player
get a hit?
How do trees get on the
internet?
What doesn’t get wet when it
rains?
What did the wind say to the
screen?
Which side of a mug should you
put the handle on?
Why did the elephant eat a 100
watt lightbulb?
Is it okay to sleep on a
stomach?
What is the hottest day of the
week?
Why was the cat such a sour
puss?
What did the hurricane say to
the island?
What is a frog’s favorite game?
In France, what do frogs eat?
He sings a song.
Why did the store close at
2:00?
Which bug gobbles up trash?
What is black, white and red?
How do you get a free light
bulb?
Because it was Twosday
(Tuesday).
The litter bug.
A baby panda with diaper rash.
Catch a lightening bug.
Updated: 10/2/2016
Contributor:
They log on!
The ocean.
Just passing through!
The outside.
He wanted a light lunch.
I prefer sleeping on a bed.
Fri-day.
#
Question:
238
Why did the sock monster cross
the road?
What street does a ghost live
on?
What is a “sound” sleeper?
Why did the skunk cross the
road?
What did the book say to the
page?
What did the shoulder say to
the arm?
What do you call a nun sleep
walking?
Why didn’t the skeleton climb
the mountain?
What bus crossed the ocean?
239
240
243
244
251
252
253
254
255
256
257
258
259
259
(Lar
ge)
260
260
(Lar
ge)
261
262
Answer:
Contributor:
To stink up the whole town.
Kamay P., Brawley, CA
A dead end.
Don’t turn away from me.
Stephen S., DeSoto,
MO
Christy M., Chico, CA
Tonia S., Rhinelander,
WI
Laura N., Kingman, AZ
How are you hanging?
Eric S., Williston, SC
A roamin’ Catholic.
Jimmy G., Oil City, LA
Because he didn’t have the guts.
Sharee R., Dolton, IL
Columbus.
Hershey P.,
Philadelphia, PA
Katrina F., Opelousas,
LA
Carl B., Simsbury, CT
Someone who snores.
To get to de odor side!
What doesn’t get wet when it
The ocean.
rains?
What did the digital clock say to Look Mom, no hands.
its mom?
What lake tastes good with
Great Salt Lake!
French fries?
What do you call a dog in
A hot dog.
summer?
What time was it when the
Time to get a new chair.
elephant sat on a chair?
What is the name of the
Night-mare.
headless horseman’s horse?
Erin B., Vienna, IL
Anne H., Grants Pass,
OR
Katie L., Tyler, TX
Andrew S.
What did the flower say to the
bike?
What’s a baby’s motto?
Petal.
Mordy K., Chicago, IL
If you don’t succeed cry cry
again.
Chelsea M.
What is a room no one can
enter?
Where do astronauts leave their
spacecraft?
A mushroom!
Allison, D., Topeka, KS
At parking meteors.
Mindy C., Bloomington,
IN
Updated: 10/2/2016
#
Question:
Answer:
Contributor:
263
What is thin, white and scary?
Homework.
264
If a snake had feet, what would
you call them?
What is the biggest pencil in
the world?
How do you count cows?
Why did the fly play outfield?
What goes up and down but does
not move?
What gets wet while it dries?
Snakers instead of sneakers.
To a disco-o.
He wanted rich milk.
Jordan A., Viola, WI
Give him your credit card.
Kristy T., Alton, IL
Meet you at the corner.
281
Where do computers go on
Saturday night?
Why did the farmer feed his
cow money?
What do you do if a rhino
charges you?
What did one wall say to the
other wall?
Why did the cactus cross the
road?
Why can’t a bank keep a secret?
Brian K., Oak Creek,
WI
Alan M., Brooklyn, NY
Monica S., Odenton,
MD
Matthew M.,
Grovetown, GA
Sarah M., Alvin, TX
282
What did yes say to no?
287
What did the red fish say to
the sad, navy fish?
What does a 500 pound
parakeet say?
265
266
271
272
273
274
275
276
279
280
288
Updated: 10/2/2016
Pennsylvania.
With a cowculator.
To catch the fly balls.
Stairs.
A towel.
It was stuck on the chicken’s
back.
Because there are too many
tellers.
Maybe.
Christopher P., St
Louis, MO
Anthony B., Walnut
Creek, CA
Christopher M., St.
Louis, MO
David W., Seattle, WA
Brandi H., Lacey, WA
Kyle S., Oak Creek, WI
You’re blue.
Chad D., New Bedford,
MA
Eric P., Cohoctah, MI
“TWEET!!!”
Rachel M., Festus, MO