Description
Serve the reader
with clear,
effective
description to
improve the
experience
There are no details or
descriptions present.
Some details or
descriptions exist; they
tend to be overly
simplistic and/or out of
place; they add nothing
to the piece; there is
little to no sensory
detail.
Diction
Word choice—
an opportunity
to create style
and sharpen all
elements of a
story
The author uses lazy,
ineffective, inconsistent
diction. Verbs are rarely
in the active voice. Many
words are poorly chosen.
Much careless repetition.
Poor spelling and usage
degrades the reader’s
trust.
Syntax
Sentence
structure.
Create style and
sharpen all
elements of the
story
The author uses uniform
syntax; no effort is made
to revise toward more
effective sentence
structure. Fragments
and/or run-ons are
common.
The author attempts a
range of diction but uses
words incorrectly or
oversimply. The author
attempts figurative
language but it is often
clichéd or confusing.
Some verbs in the active
voice but without spark
or control.
Polish
Make story
memorable,
publishable;
work hard
The story is not in a
discernable format; the
story is so riddled with
errors it is very difficult
to understand. Comments
are ignored. The story is
clearly too long or too
short.
The author attempts a
mix of sentence lengths
and structures, but
language is confusing or
rhythm awkward.
‘With/As’ weakness is
common. Several runons or fragments exist.
There are fourteen or
more errors or mistakes
of grammar, mechanics,
spelling, and formatting
in the story. Much flab.
Story length is wrong.
Details and descriptions
exist regularly
throughout piece; they
serve the characters and
setting but tend to rely
on clichés; they are not
balanced for
importance; multiple
senses are used, with a
general reliance on
sight.
The author employs a
range of diction and
attempts to suit diction
to action or character.
Some errors. Some
simple language.
Figurative language is
used but it is forced,
formulaic, clichéd, or
repetitive. A good mix of
verbs in the active voice.
The author uses a mix of
sentence lengths and
structures, but some
moments are distracting
or awkward. Few runons or fragments exist.
‘With/As’ weakness is
occasional.
There are thirteen or
fewer errors or mistakes
of grammar, mechanics,
spelling, and formatting
in the story. The writer
has worked to make it
lean and clear.
Details and descriptions
exist regularly
throughout piece; they
serve the characters and
setting but sometimes
rely on clichés,
sometimes are more
original; they are
balanced for
importance; appropriate
senses are used.
The author employs a
variety of diction and
matches it well to the
situation. Most words
are used effectively.
Figurative language
improves the reading
experience and delivers
moments of risk and
sophistication. Active
verbs predominate.
The author uses a mix of
sentence lengths and
structures which
support the action. Few
run-ons or fragments
exist; none are
distracting. One or two
instances of ‘with/as’
weakness.
There are nine or fewer
errors or mistakes of
grammar, mechanics,
spelling, and formatting
in the story. Aggressive
editing and work has
made the story feel
polished and solid.
Details and descriptions
exist regularly
throughout piece; they
enhance the characters
and setting in original
ways which feed a
controlled tone; they are
balanced for
importance; all senses
are used deliberately to
evoke mood.
The author employs
precise and
sophisticated diction.
Well-chosen figurative
language, imagery, and
devices energize story.
Tone is established and
controlled throughout.
Sharp and occasionally
risky active verbs power
the action.
The author uses a mix of
sentence lengths and
structures which serve
the reader while
controlling the pace.
Run-ons or fragments
may exist as controlled,
stylistic choices. No
‘with/and’ weakness.
There are five or fewer
errors or mistakes of
grammar, mechanics,
spelling, and formatting
in the story. The story is
lean and clearly polished
deeply and lovingly.
Assignment 3 a section of description revised for syntax and diction and polished, with an introductory note
Begin with an introductory note (not a part of the story—a note to me) on what you are aiming to accomplish.
Introduction should also set the stage and remind me of any relevant facts about this point in the story.
Compose or choose a description-rich section of your story. Don’t use the opening.
Be clear on the importance of the description to the plot. Don’t choose something that doesn’t matter.
Description is usually an interruption in the action. It presents a new thing, place, or person. Typically one paragraph.
Description is sense-rich. It attempts to create memorable, realistic imagery of a place, thing, or person. It should be
polished down to be efficient—as brief as possible. It is not stereotypical. It is built on original language rather than
clichés. Verbs are mostly active (unless the situation calls for something else.) Description should accommodate the
POV and contribute directly to a complication and therefore the plot as a whole. Diction should be toned to fit the
situation. Syntax should be shaped to the situation. The description should be polished.
Score: 15 total. 3 for on time, -1 for late (Midnight Friday via shared google doc).
3 each for description, syntax, diction, and polish.
Revisable
Sense-rich Vision is primary but there are others. Choice of senses should reflect the situation.
Memorable, realistic imagery the description is stylish while showing the reader an important thing, place, or person.
Efficient means the description should be brief—a paragraph is typical.
Stereotype is lazy writing that uses unoriginal wording; a shortcut that is so standard as to be meaningless.
Original language means avoiding clichés--stereotypical expressions. Familiar expressions or idioms are usually clichés.
Accommodate the POV: do not violate the limits set by your previous choice of narration style. Stay in character.
Active verbs a diction choice. Opposite of passive voice or use of the verb ‘to be’ such as ‘is,’ ‘was,’ or ‘could have been.’
Diction The tool used when you have more than one choice for a word-slot. Choose a word based on the tone you want.
Syntax is sentence shape. Syntax is a tool to influence the reader’s experience. 1--contrasting or alternating sentence
length to emphasize a particular moment; 2—using very short or very long sentences to mimic the physical situation;
3—reordering sentences to ‘feed’ information to the reader in a particular order.
Polished writing is error-free, easy-reading, and feels worked on.
Sample
From Motes’ story “Holdovers.”
Introductory Note
This description is a change of scene about five paragraphs into the story. It describes the first
few moments when the two characters—Lynch and the main character—arrive at the stream. They have never seen this
place before. It is early spring and the MC has not fished since the previous fall; he’s very busy in college. He’s about to
graduate and doesn’t know what will come next. I want to create a sense of how a stream looks at that time of the
year—half winter: empty, cold; half spring: rich, promising. The MC lacks confidence. He is ambivalent about this trip and
worried about the direction his life is going. He doesn’t know what he will do when he leaves the comfort of college.
Novel (new) diction—combined words and
hyphenated adjectives. Fresh language that evokes
visual imagery, contrast, and originality.
The POV of the
story is first person
but only one
pronoun is used.
POV doesn’t
matter much
because the
narrator is
reporting the view
of a thing he has
not seen before.
Active verbs—diction chosen for energy and originality.
(‘scoured’ and ‘hung). Nouns are evocative and carefully
chosen (‘fans’, ‘clots’, ‘hump.’
The creekline was April-green. The shade-side ridge of blacksilver maples
curved up into darkness and hints of rock. High water had scoured the
meander floodplain down to fans of sand and piles of litter. The lowest strand
of fence was hung with clots of grass but the stream ran clear with bluish
winter tint. We came out on a hump of warm beach beside a big-bellied pool.
Upstream, a long flat run chattered across seams of bedrock.
Diction is polished to ring for sound
and be stylish and interesting
independent of what it conveys.
‘shade-side’ is the briefest possible
way of describing how mountains
block the sun. ‘winter tint’ is chosen to
reflect itself in sound. ‘big-bellied’ is
alliteration.
Syntax has been tinkered to power up the
description. The first sentence is 5 words. The
fourth sentence creates a balanced contrast
around the ‘but.’ The last sentence has been
reordered to start with ‘upstream’. These are
fishermen, so they care about the creek. This
order creates a sense of looking around—first
what’s before us, then what’s farther away.
Imagery with various sense
connections. ‘warm’,
‘chattered.’
Diction is specific to the
fishing audience: ‘meander,’
‘floodplain,’ ‘creekline,’ ‘run.’
In this exercise, you should
not comment on your
writing. These boxes are my
attempt to illustrate the
rubric terms in action.