Autobiographical Incident
Prewriting
A good way to recall details about an autobiographical incident is to visualize it.
Picture it in your mind and ask yourself specific questions about the event. What did
you see and hear? Who was there? What did they say and do? What did you do? Use
your answers to complete the chart below.
Questions:
Answers:
What happened?
What are the main
events?
When and where?
What sights, sounds,
smells, tastes, and
feelings do you
remember?
Who was involved?
Describe them.
What did they say?
After recalling details, begin to organize the events. Use the time line below.
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How did you feel?
What did you do or say
that showed this?
Autobiographical Incident
Drafting and Elaboration
The paragraph below is from the first draft of one student’s autobiographical incident
essay. It does not include enough sensory details and dialogue. Make it more vivid by
following the Suggestions for Elaboration. You can use information from the Reader’s
Notebook or make up details that fit the situation. Write your revised paragraph on a
separate sheet of paper.
Draft
I didn’t want anyone to know that I hadn’t been on a plane before. So I
tried to look cool. I just sat there. I didn’t ask a lot of questions. The flight
attendant came by and smiled. I didn’t pay any attention to her. I was still
trying to act cool. Julio didn’t act that way at all. He started asking all sorts of
questions about the plane. He thought it looked old and not very safe.
Suggestions for Elaboration
• Give details about the plane itself.
• Describe the flight attendant.
• Explain what the narrator did to look cool.
• Include information about more of the narrator’s feelings.
• Provide revealing dialogue about some character.
READER’S NOTEBOOK
The plane had two seats on each side of a central aisle. ■ We sat over the wing
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and saw the propellers. ■ The wings bounced up and down during flight. ■ I
wondered what I’d do if a propeller stopped moving. ■ I remembered a TV
show where this guy sees someone on an airplane wing. ■ I crossed my legs
and kept my eyes on the magazine in front of me. ■ Julio wiggled around and
tapped the flight attendant on the arm and said, “Is this plane safe?” ■ There
were two flight attendants; both wore blue uniforms and big smiles; one was a
woman who looked like Aunt Sofie. ■ We drank juice and ate peanuts,
sandwiches, and mints.
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Autobiographical Incident
Peer Response Guide
Since the event that you are describing happened to you, you understand what
happened and why. However, a reader could become confused if you left out an
important detail or did not clarify the sequence of events. To see whether your essay
makes sense to people who weren’t there, ask a peer reviewer to read it and answer
the following questions.
1. Did you understand what happened and when and why it happened? Which
parts could I clarify or explain further?
Response:
Suggestions for Revision:
2. Can you distinguish each character? Where could I add or improve dialogue or
descriptions?
Response:
3. Which scenes or events are hard for you to picture? What kinds of details would
make them more interesting or true to life?
Response:
Suggestions for Revision:
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Suggestions for Revision:
Peer Response Guide continued
4. How could I change the introduction to make it more interesting?
Response:
Suggestions for Revision:
5. What could I do to help readers understand why this experience was important?
Response:
Suggestions for Revision:
6. What could I add or take out that would make this essay livelier, more interesting,
or easier to follow?
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Response:
Suggestions for Revision:
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Autobiographical Incident
Revising, Editing, and Proofreading
Revising
TARGET SKILL
Making the Order of Events Clear
When revising your autobiographical essay, ask yourself the following questions:
• Is the order of events clear, or do I need more transitional words and phrases?
• Have I included enough background information?
• Have I used dialogue effectively, and does it sound realistic?
• Did I include enough specific details about the setting, characters, and events?
• Have I made the significance of the event clear?
Editing and Proofreading
TARGET SKILL
Combining Sentences: Compound Subjects and
Predicates
Use the suggestions given below to revise and proofread the following paragraph
from the rough draft of one student’s autobiographical essay. Then correct errors in
grammar, usage, mechanics, and spelling using proofreading marks. Finally, copy your
corrected draft on a separate sheet of paper.
• Look for sentences that you can combine by using compound subjects or
compound predicates.
• Punctuate direct quotations correctly.
• Make sure that verb tenses help show when things happened.
• Avoid double negatives.
Draft
People got on the plane. People sat down. The flight attendants walked up
doesnt worry none about that. He taps the attendant on the arm. he says that
he was worried. He says, “this plane sure looks old”
She said it was fine. She asked if we had ever flown. I kept quiet. Julio
smiled. He says that he was nervous. He looked a little nervous, too.
Applying
Now edit and proofread your own autobiographical incident essay. Refer to the
bulleted list above.
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and down the aisle. One smiled at us. I sit there still trying to look cool. Julio
Autobiographical Incident
Strong Student Model
A First-Class Smile
1. Clearly focuses on
one incident; makes
readers want to read
more by telling what
they will learn
Other Options:
• Start in the middle
of the action.
• Start with dialogue.
• Begin with a question.
3. Describes all the
important events,
including what
characters said
and did
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5. Uses clear transitions
to make the order of
events clear
My mother always said that a smile earns you more
than a frown, but I never really believed her until last
summer. In one two-hour flight, I not only learned the
truth of that statement, but I got a real lesson in how to
get terrific service on any plane.
Last June, several members of my family took a
camping trip together. It began with a morning flight on a
commuter plane. I had never flown before, but I was
determined to act cool, even though this plane looked
awfully small to me. In the seat next to me was my
cousin Julio, who flies often.
A flight attendant walked by and smiled at us. I tried to
look unconcerned, but Julio tapped her arm. “This looks
like an old plane,” he said. “Is it safe?”
She said yes and then asked if we had ever flown
before. I said nothing, but Julio smiled at her. “Yes,” he
confessed, “but I’m still really nervous.” He kept glancing
out the window as if he expected a wing to fall off.
After the attendant left, I said, “Why did you tell that
woman that you were nervous? It wasn’t very cool.”
“I get really nervous flying and my mom says that I
should tell the truth,” he said. “Flight attendants take really
good care of people who are scared but act nice. They
want you to have a good flight and come back again.”
He was right. Five minutes later, the attendant was back
with some juice. A half hour after that, she brought us
peanuts. Then she arrived with magazines and offered us
a sandwich. What service we received! No one in first class
got better treatment.
From now on, I’ll never act cool when I travel. Instead,
I’ll smile at all the flight attendants and talk to them nicely.
I know that if I’m polite I’ll get the service that I want.
2. Gives background
information; tells the
characters, setting,
and first events
4. Includes specific
details and realistic
dialogue
6. Explains what the
writer learned from
the experience
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Autobiographical Incident
Average Student Model
A Lesson I’ll Never Forget
3. Dialogue would help
here. More dialogue
throughout would
improve this narrative.
5. Specific details would
make this more
interesting.
My mother always tells me that I should smile at
people. I never really believed her, though. Then I took this
plane last summer and sat next to my cousin. He smiled,
and he got really good service. Now I am convinced. My
mother was right. People really do like a nice smile.
Several people in my family decided to go camping
together. We had to take a small plane. It left early in the
morning. I had never flown before. I didn’t want people to
know that, so I tried to act cool. I did feel a little nervous
though. My cousin Julio sat next to me. He flies a lot.
People got on the plane and sat down. The flight
attendants walked up and down the aisle. One smiled at
us. I sat there and still tried to look cool. Julio didn’t worry
about that. He tapped the attendant on the arm and said
that he was worried. He said, “This plane sure looks old!”
She said it was fine and asked if we had ever flown
before. I kept quiet, but Julio smiled. He said he had flown,
but that he was still nervous. He looked a little nervous,
too.
Julio said that he always told the truth about being
nervous. His mom told him to tell. Then the flight
attendants always made a fuss over him and brought him
things.
I wondered why Julio told the flight attendant that he
was nervous. So I asked him. “Why did you say you were
scared? It isn’t very cool to admit fear.”
He was right! A little while later the attendant showed
up with some juice. Then she came back with some things
to eat and read. She really took good care of us.
That certainly taught me a lesson. From now on, I will
not try to act cool. Instead, I will smile and be nice. I’ll
probably have a much better flight if I’m polite.
2. The time could be
more specific. Needs
more variety in
sentence structure—
too many sentences
begin with I.
4. Sequence of
events is not clear.
When did this
conversation take
place?
6. Ending
summarizes the
importance of the
incident but could be
stronger.
Other Options:
• End with a bit of
dialogue.
• End with specific
details about what
the next flight might
be like.
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1. Opening does not
grab readers. The
sentences are choppy.
Some could be
combined.
Autobiographical Incident
Weak Student Model
My Trip with Julio
1. No line grabs
readers’ attention at the
beginning. Too many
short, choppy
sentences.
Other Options:
• Begin with dialogue.
• Start with a
description of the
narrator’s feelings.
3. Order of events could
be clearer. Transitional
words and phrases
would help.
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5. Specific details about
what the characters did
or said would help here.
Who is talking about
flight attendants?
Last summer I took a trip with my family. A lot of us
traveled together. We took a small plane. I sat next to my
cousin Julio. He flies a lot. He has been to many places all
over the country. The flight attendants really treated him
well.
I had never been in a plane. I was really sort of nervous.
This wasn’t a jet plane. It had a propeller. It looked like an
old plane. We loaded up all our camping stuff early in the
morning and left.
I didn’t want anyone to know that I hadn’t been on a
plane. So I tried to look cool. I just sat there. I didn’t ask a
lot of questions. The flight attendant came by and smiled
at us. I didn’t pay any attention to her. I was still trying to
act cool. Julio didn’t act that way at all. He started asking all
sorts of questions about the plane. He thought it looked
old and not very safe.
The flight attendant was really nice to him. She said,
“Have you ever flown before?” Julio smiled. He said that
he had. He said that he was really nervous. He looked
nervous. He looked around the plane and sat near the
edge of his seat.
Julio wasn’t acting very cool. I asked him why he told
the flight attendant that he was nervous. He shouldn’t
have.
Flight attendants are really busy. Their job is to take care
of everyone on the plane. They want them to have good
flights. They take really good care of them.
Well, that flight attendant must have felt sorry for him.
She hung around for the whole trip. She kept coming back
to see how Julio was. She brought things to eat and read.
She was really nice.
Now I know how to get good service on a plane. I
learned this lesson from Julio. I won’t try to look cool next
time.
2. Could use more
specific details. Some
sentences could be
combined.
4. Dialogue is good,
but essay could use
more throughout;
writer could use
descriptive details
instead of repeating
the word nervous.
6. Needs a better
summary of what
was learned and who
learned it.
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Autobiographical Incident
Rubric for Evaluation
Ideas and Content
Weak
Average
Strong
1. Focuses on one well-defined incident
2. Provides background information for the incident
3. Uses elements such as plot, character, and setting as appropriate
4. Uses descriptions and dialogue as appropriate
5. Includes precise language and specific details
6. Shows why the experience was important
Structure and Form
7. Grabs readers’ attention at the beginning
8. Shows clearly the order in which events occurred
9. Has a strong conclusion that summarizes the importance
of the incident
Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics
10. Uses correct spelling, capitalization, and punctuation
11. Uses correct grammar and usage
Writing Progress to Date (Writing Portfolio)
The final version shows improvement over the rough draft in this way: ________________________________
A specific improvement over past assignments in your portfolio is ___________________________________
A skill to work on in future assignments is _______________________________________________________
Additional comments: ________________________________________________________________________
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The strongest aspect of this writing is ___________________________________________________________