Write an essay or report
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
1
Contents
Introduction
3
What I’ll learn
3
What I’ll need
4
Using appropriate language for your audience
The language of reports and essays
More things to avoid in essays and reports
9
12
About sentences
14
Writing an introduction
20
What makes a good introduction?
21
Looking at a good introduction
25
Write clear and concise paragraphs
27
Topic sentences and supporting sentences
27
Organisation
27
Linking ideas together
30
Writing your conclusion
What makes a good conclusion?
Summary
I have learnt the following
What do I do next?
2
6
35
36
39
39
Error! Bookmark not defined.
Glossary
40
Additional resources
43
Suggested answers to activities
44
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
Introduction
Welcome to the learning topic, Write an essay or a report.
Figure 1
After you have planned your essay or report, it’s time to write it. Look at the
diagram above, which we are studying in this topic. Where does this topic
fit into the writing process? Find it in the table on the next page.
What I’ll learn
In this topic you’ll learn to:
understand and use appropriate language for audience
demonstrate your ability to write an introduction covering main
areas
demonstrate your ability to write paragraphs that are clear, and
detailed where necessary
demonstrate your ability to write with cohesion between and within
paragraphs
demonstrate your ability to write a conclusion
demonstrate your ability to appropriately fill in forms.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
3
Glossary
Remember, if there are any words you do not understand, check the glossary
at the back of this topic. It might be in there!
Vocabulary list
As you work through this topic, add any new words you learn to the table
that’s been created for you at the end of the glossary. You will be reminded
to include some of the new words you’ve learnt in the assessment tasks you
submit as part of this topic.
This is an example of how to add new words you learn to the table provided
at the end.
Submit—to hand in
What I’ll need
A copy of the video Four Corners—Inside the Circle. This is in your course
package.
You will also find internet access useful.
The writing process
What are you writing?
Research your topic.
Work out what and why
you’re writing
What is the topic/question?
Get information
Look up information.
Who are you writing for?
Talk to people.
Think about the
information you’ve
collected.
Plan your writing
Decide on a structure for your
writing.
Decide how you will sequence
the information.
Draw a mind map to show
your main and supporting
ideas and how they fit
together.
Decide what to include
and what to leave out.
Follow your plan (or mind
map) to write your first
draft.
4
Write
Join your ideas from your plan
into sentences and paragraphs.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
Read your first draft to
check for mistakes.
Check your writing
Check things like your spelling,
grammar, punctuation and
paragraphing.
Make changes
Read through the final copy
before submitting it.
If possible, ask someone
else to check it for you
too.
Rewrite your first draft,
fixing all the mistakes
you’ve found.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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Using appropriate language for your
audience
Writing for study purposes or for the workplace is usually formal. Formal
English is the register used for essays and reports. It is English which is
serious and correct. Informal English is more relaxed and effortless.
Figure 2
For the purposes of this topic, you will be looking at the written language of
essays and reports. For each, look at what it is, its purpose and its audience.
This will explain why the register of essays and reports is formal.
6
Essay
Report
What is it?
An essay is a well researched and
logically structured answer to a
particular question, presented as
an argument.
A report communicates factual
information which has been written as a
result of research and analysis of an
issue. It is accurate and objective.
What is its purpose?
An essay is used to assess your
ability to research a topic and
present an argument, as well as to
assess your understanding of a
particular topic.
A report accurately records a description
of a person, place or event which has
been observed and analysed. It can offer
a solution to a problem.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
Who is it for?
For school teachers, TAFE or university tutors or lecturers, or for future
employers. You are writing for someone who knows the content, and the
correct writing conventions. You have to adapt your writing to suit this
context.
Language
Your writing should be formal
and objective. This means
everyday language and slang, as
well as unsubstantiated opinion,
is not appropriate.
The language used in reports can be
simple, and direct. It may be appropriate,
depending on your task, to record your
impressions and feelings. Personal
pronouns such as I and we can be used.
Look at the differences between formal and informal English.
Features
Formal English
Informal English
Correct punctuation
Yes
Not necessarily
Correct vocabulary
Yes
Not necessarily
Correct sentence construction
Yes
Not necessarily
Incomplete sentences
No
Yes
Slang
No
Yes
Abbreviated words such as can’t; I’m.
Not usually
Yes
Activity 1: Formal or informal?
For each of the following extracts, decide whether the register is formal or informal.
Part A
The statistics show that there continues to be a division of labour within families and in the
workforce based on gender. There continue to be significant differences in the work patterns of
women and men with children. Men are usually in full-time employment, while women continue to
adjust their paid work times to cope with the responsibilities of being the primary care giver to
children. Although the active participation of both parents in the care of children is encouraged, the
data suggest that if parents were to share the care equally, there would be many difficulties
attempting to do so in a way which is in the best interests of the child.
Register

Formal

Informal
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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Tick the characteristics of the register used in the extract.
Correct punctuation
Correct vocabulary
Correct sentence construction
Incomplete sentences
Slang
Abbreviated words such as can’t; I’m.
Part B
I reckon the idea of women and blokes sharing the job of taking care of the kids fifty-fifty
will never work. It’s a nice idea but it’d never work. In reality. It’s too hard with the way
things happen in the workplace. It’s hard enough for the women I know with kids to try to
find part-time work – bosses aren’t keen on it. We either gotta work full-time or stay home.
Fifty-fifty! Yeah right!’
Register

Formal

Informal
Tick the characteristics of the register used in the extract:
Correct punctuation
Correct vocabulary
Correct sentence construction
Incomplete sentences
Slang
Abbreviated words such as can’t; I’m.
How do your answers compare to the following?
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0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
Part A
Formal
Correct punctuation

Correct vocabulary

Correct sentence construction

Incomplete sentences
Slang
Abbreviated words such as can’t; I’m.
Part B
Informal
Correct punctuation
Correct vocabulary
Correct sentence construction
Incomplete sentences

Slang

Abbreviated words such as can’t; I’m.

Feedback
How did you do? Did you identify the main differences? Did you notice that
Text B sounded more like somebody speaking, rather than writing?
Whether the register you use is formal or informal depends on:
its purpose
the subject matter
who it is for (audience)
the setting you’re writing in (context).
The language of reports and essays
The tone of academic writing is usually objective and impersonal.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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Activity 2
Compare the tone of these two extracts then compare your answers to the ones given on the
next page.
Part A
The majority of the single men in both higher and lower income groups surveyed
expressed the intention of sharing housework with a female partner, in the future.
However, the intentions expressed revealed a certain amount of evasiveness. Some implied
they hoped to find a partner who would be happy doing all the housework. Others hoped
that over time the monitoring of the share of the housework might weaken. This suggests
that the unequal distribution of housework is likely to continue. Therefore, the demand for
domestic services is expected to continue the strong growth trends seen thus far.
Did you notice any of these features in the extract?
YES
NO
Personal pronouns (my, I, we, our)
Judgemental words, for example, I agree, I disagree, I believe, I am
convinced, I dislike, I am in favour of.
Emotive words, for example, terrible, disgusting, appalling, fantastic,
wonderful.
Part B
Most single men in both higher and lower income groups in my survey said they would
like to share housework equally with a female partner. I believe the way they expressed
their intentions showed some real hesitation in this regard. Some of the men said they
hoped to find a wife or girlfriend who’d be happy to do all the housework herself. Others
said they hoped that over time they’d get away with doing less. This tells me that
unfortunately, the unfair division of housework is probably going to continue and that
therefore, there will be more and more demand for domestic services.
Did you notice any of these features in the extract?
YES
NO
Personal pronouns (my, I, we, our)
Judgemental words, for example, I agree, I disagree, I believe, I am
convinced, I dislike, I am in favour of.
Emotive words, for example, terrible, disgusting, appalling, fantastic,
wonderful.
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0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
How do your answers compare to these?
Part A
Features in the extract
YES
NO
Personal pronouns (my, I, we, our)

Judgemental words, eg I agree, I disagree, I believe, I am convinced,
I dislike, I am in favour of.

Emotive words eg terrible, disgusting, appalling, fantastic,
wonderful.

The tone of Extract A is impersonal and objective. This is a good example
of the tone you should try to achieve in your essays and reports.
Part B
Features in the extract
YES
Personal pronouns such as my, I, we, our

Judgemental words, for example, I agree, I disagree, I believe, I am
convinced, I dislike, I am in favour of.

Emotive words eg terrible, disgusting, appalling, fantastic,
wonderful.

NO
The tone of Extract B is personal and subjective. This is the tone you should
try to avoid in your essays and reports.
Remember, if you use personal pronouns, judgemental and emotive words,
the reader will be very aware of your personal feelings.
Emotive words can be strong and persuasive. Although your task is to
persuade your reader about something, emotive words do not help to argue
your case because they appeal to emotions rather than to reason. Emotive
words do not help you create a reasonable conclusion based on the evidence.
If the tone of your writing is too personal, it tends to decrease the authority
of your argument. Academic writing is about expressing opinion but this
opinion needs to be presented as an objective, educated position based on
sound evidence.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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Look at these examples.
Sentence
Tone
Features
Personal
I think men
could take on a
more equal
share of the
housework we
do.
Informal
Subjective
Personal opinion in the subject position of the
sentence (‘I think’).
Personal pronouns ‘I’ and ‘we’.
A judgemental verb (‘think’) is used.
The active voice is used.
Men could take
on a more equal
share of the
housework.
Less personal
than the first
sentence
Personal pronouns have been removed.
More formal than
the first sentence
The judgmental verb (‘think’) has been removed.
‘the housework we do’ has changed to ‘the housework’.
The active voice is used.
More objective
than the first
sentence
Impersonal
A more equal
share of
housework
could be taken
on.
Formal
Subjective
Personal pronouns and judgmental verbs have been
removed.
The passive voice has been used. This means the action
is emphasised rather than the ‘doer’. In fact, the ‘doer’
of the action is removed by the use of the passive verb
‘could be taken on’. (Taking the ‘doer’ out of the
sentence is only appropriate when this information isn’t
necessary.)
The opinion expressed in each of the sentences is the same, but the way the
opinion has been expressed has changed.
More things to avoid in essays and
reports
Avoid
Example
Improvement
Unnecessary
expressions
Carers need to take into account children’s
physical needs, social needs, intellectual
needs, emotional needs etc.
Carers need to take into account
children’s physical needs, social
needs, intellectual needs and
emotional needs.
Words such as ‘and
so on’ or ‘etc.’
12
Care includes family day care, occasional
care, long day care centres and so on.
Care includes family day care,
occasional care and long day care
centres.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
Rhetorical
questions
No answer is
expected to the
question as the writer
assumes the reader
knows the answer, or
the writer then
answers the question
in the text.
Men are increasingly demanding more time
for family commitments, so why aren’t
enough workplaces adjusting to meet these
demands?
What are domestic services? Domestic
services include cleaning services, meal
delivery services, gardening services or any
other domestic service hired to alleviate the
workload at home.
The question regarding workplaces
adjusting to meet the demands by men
for more family time still remains.
Domestic services include cleaning
services, meal delivery services,
gardening services or any other
domestic service hired to alleviate the
workload at home.
Colloquial
vocabulary
Management will have to decide sooner or
later.
A management decision is inevitable.
Words and
expressions used in
everyday spoken
language
a happy medium
an acceptable compromise
get through it
survive, penetrate
easier said than done
more difficult in practice
got out of hand
no longer under control
above board
legitimate
part and parcel of
intrinsic to
beyond a shadow of a doubt
definitely
in recent years
recently
The current situation can’t be sustained.
The current situation cannot be
sustained.
Contractions
Words such as
‘don’t’, ‘can’t’,
they’ll.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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About sentences
First we will work through some samples to see how sentences can be
incomplete, and how to fix this.
Activity 3: Analysing sentences
Part A
Read this paragraph. What do you think is wrong with it?
The history of rap music. Is rich and varied. The original, ancient roots of rap music lie
deeply embedded in the oral tradition of African culture. Modern rap music the art of
reciting rhymes to the beat of the music. Has its immediate roots in reggae music. Jamaican
born DJ Kool Herc moved to New York in the late 1960s. Taking with him the Jamaican
tradition of ‘toasting’. This involved reciting improvised rhymes over instrumental sections
of reggae music.
If you think there is something wrong with the sentence structure in the paragraph, you’re
right! Tick the statements about sentences you know are true.

A sentence is a group of words that expresses an idea and has complete
meaning by itself.

Sentences always start with a capital letter.

Sentences always end with a full stop, question mark or exclamation
mark.

Every sentence has one or more clauses.
You probably didn’t have any difficulty with the first three statements. (You
should have ticked all three.) What about the last one? Do you know what a
clause is? All four statements are correct.
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0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
If you’re unsure, study these diagrams to help you:
This is a simple sentence. It has one
subject, one main verb and one
independent clause.
Subject
Verb
My grandmother June
was
born in 1895.
Independent clause
An independent clause can stand
alone. It has meaning on its own.
This is a compound sentence with one
dependent clause and one independent
clause.
A dependent clause can’t stand alone.
It needs an independent clause to form
a complete sentence.
Dependent clause
Although the children missed their mother terribly,
Independent clause
they felt safe with their own people.
Part B
Go back to the paragraph about rap music. The following lines are fragments, not
complete sentences. Can you make complete sentences out of these fragments? Try to
make complete sentences by combining fragments together. Check your answers on the
next page.
Fragments
One sentence
The history of rap music.
Is rich and varied.
Modern rap music the art of reciting
rhymes to the beat of the music.
Has its immediate roots in reggae music.
Taking with him the Jamaican tradition
of ‘toasting’.
(Look at the original paragraph to help you.)
How did you go?
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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The history of rap music.
The history of rap music is rich and varied.
Is rich and varied.
Modern rap music the art of reciting rhymes to the
beat of the music.
Has its immediate roots in reggae music.
Taking with him the Jamaican tradition of ‘toasting’.
Modern rap music, the art of reciting rhymes to
the beat of the music, has its immediate roots in
reggae music.
Jamaican born DJ Kool Herc moved to New York
in the late 1960s, taking with him the Jamaican
tradition of ‘toasting’.
Activity 4: Analyse and rewrite sentences
Read the following sentences. For each one, decide what makes it inappropriate for an
essay or report. Rewrite each sentence to make it more appropriate.
1
Hip Hop and Rap are often mistaken to be the same thing, but they aren’t.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
2
The lack of childcare facilities in urban areas.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
16
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
3
Salinity a problem that affects many regions of Australia is one which raises many
questions regarding farming practices.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
4
The absence of healthy food in school tuckshops shows an appalling lack of disregard
on the part of school authorities for the problem of childhood obesity.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
5
Women are still responsible for the greater share of domestic duties, including grocery
shopping, meal preparation, laundry, cleaning and so on.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
6
I strongly agree that poverty and unemployment are the major contributing factors to
the increase in crime rates in the area.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
7
The high staff turnover in childcare facilities is of great concern to me.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
8
When infection occurs, the immune system will attempt to fix things up.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
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0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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Farmers need to change their irrigation practices.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
10 How can parents encourage children to be more physically active? They can do so by
suggesting they walk to school or to the bus stop.
Inappropriate use of active voice
Judgemental language
Colloquial expression
Use of personal pronouns
Contraction
Punctuation
Emotive words
Rhetorical question
Fragment
Unnecessary expression
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
You will find feedback for this activity at the end of the topic.
Further information
If you want to find out more about sentence construction you can go to:
http://www.shared-visions.com/explore/english/sentence.html
You will find the details about this source of further information, and more
websites, in Additional resources located at the back of this learning topic.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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Writing an introduction
Think of an occasion where you met someone for the first time. Before you
could talk to each other, what did you need to do? You probably needed to
introduce yourselves.
Think about the word ‘introduce’. From the example, we already know that
it means to give information which comes first. So an introduction is initial
information about someone or something. The introduction of an essay or
report is the first paragraph.
But what exactly does an introduction do?
Activity 5: What does an introduction do?
Tick the things you think an introduction does. Check your answers on the next page.
20

gives the first main point of the essay or report

states the topic of the essay or report

summarises or recaps the main points of the essay or report

makes recommendations

briefly explains the background or importance of the topic

explains the reasons for the point of view taken

gives the writer’s point of view on the essay or report topic

gives evidence for the point of view given

gives a brief outline of what will be covered in the essay or report
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006

restates the writer’s point of view or position in the essay or report.
Did you identify the correct functions of an introduction? You should have
ticked these four items.
 states the topic of the essay or report
 briefly explains the background or importance of the topic
 gives the writer’s point of view on the essay or report topic
 gives a brief outline of what will be covered in the essay or report.
What makes a good introduction?
Remember, the introduction is the first paragraph of an essay or report. Let’s
look more closely at the four things a good introduction does.
1 The introduction states the topic of the essay or report.
Activity 6: Identify the topic
Here are some example topic sentences from essays and reports. In each sentence,
underline the words which identify the topic. Read each topic sentence and ask yourself
‘What is the essay or report about?’ Then underline the words that tell you the topic.
The first one has been done for you as an example:
1
The incidence of childhood obesity in Australia has grown exponentially in the last ten
years.
2
The debate about whether childcare is any way detrimental to young children
continues amongst experts in early childhood development.
3
Contrary to what we may have expected, there has been no significant change to the
distribution of domestic responsibilities in the last twenty years.
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
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4
A better understanding of the causes of crime is crucial to achieving better results in
crime prevention.
Compare your answers to the ones given below.
1
The incidence of childhood obesity in Australia has grown
exponentially in the last ten years.
2
The debate about whether childcare is any way detrimental to young
children continues amongst experts in early childhood development.
3
Contrary to what we may have expected, there has been no significant
change to the distribution of domestic responsibilities in the last twenty
years.
4
A better understanding of the causes of crime is crucial to achieving
better results in crime prevention.
2 The introduction briefly explains the background or
importance of the topic
Activity 7: Match topic to context
Match the essay topics on the left with the correct context sentences
1
Growth in
childhood obesity
in Australia
a
Although the rate of participation by women in the workforce has
grown, the larger proportion of domestic responsibility, including
meal preparation, cleaning and caring for children, continues to be
performed primarily by women in the home.
2
Whether childcare
is detrimental to
young children
b
More than a quarter of primary school children now carry an
unhealthy amount of excess weight. These children will, in most
cases, become overweight adults who go on to experience chronic
health problems associated with adult obesity.
3
Distribution of
domestic
responsibilities
c
The tendency in the past has been to develop strategies which have
largely disregarded the link between the causes of crime and most
effective prevention methods.
4
Causes of crime
d
The debate centres on the importance of the child/parent bond in
early development. It is a question which directly impacts the
decision many women face: whether to return to work or stay at
home.
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Write your answers here. 1 _____
2 _____
3_____
4_____
Now check your answers.
1
b
2
d
3
a
4
c
Notice how the sentences in the right hand column all put the essay or report
topic in context. In other words, they explain the relevance of the topic.
The sentences help the reader understand the meaning of the topic and the
importance of the topic.
3 The introduction gives the writer’s point of view on the essay
or report topic
Remember this topic sentence from the sample essay introduction? Think
about how the writer feels about the topic.
Activity 8: Analyse the writer’s intentions
What does he think we should feel about the situation?
The number of overweight and obese children in Australia continues to grow at an
alarming rate.
(a) a little worried
(b) very worried
(c) not at all worried
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
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If you chose (b) very worried, you’re right! The words ‘at an alarming rate’
tell us the writer is very concerned about the problem. Usually, words which
are emotive reveal how the writer feels about the topic.
Activity 9: Identify emotive words
In the following sample introduction, underline the emotive words that reveal the writer’s
feelings about the topic.
Contrary to what we may have expected, there has been no significant change to the
distribution of domestic responsibilities in the last twenty years. Although the rate of
participation by women in the workforce has grown, the larger proportion of domestic
responsibility, including meal preparation, cleaning and caring for children, continues to be
performed primarily by women in the home. A lot has been achieved in giving women
equal opportunities in the workplace. Unfortunately, the inequality at home continues.
Much more needs to be done to strike a fairer balance, the first of these being the need for
family-friendly work arrangements for both men and women.
Now check your answer.
Contrary to what we may have expected, there has been no significant
change to the distribution of domestic responsibilities in the last twenty
years. Although the rate of participation by women in the workforce has
grown, the larger proportion of domestic responsibility, including meal
preparation, cleaning and caring for children, continues to be performed
primarily by women in the home. A lot has been achieved in giving
women equal opportunities in the workplace. Unfortunately, the inequality
at home continues. Much more needs to be done to strike a fairer balance,
the first of these being the need for family-friendly work arrangements for
both men and women.
‘Unfortunately’ tells us the writer is disappointed or
unhappy about the situation; ‘Much more…fairer
balance’ tells us that the writer feels not enough has
been done—the current situation is unfair and
therefore needs to change.
So remember, an introduction should indicate the writer’s position on the
topic. A handy question to ask is: ‘Does the writer agree or disagree with the
situation?’
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4 The introduction gives a brief outline of what will be covered
in the essay or report.
A better understanding of the causes of crime is crucial to achieving better
results in crime prevention. The tendency in the past has been to develop
strategies which have largely disregarded the link between the causes of
crime and most effective prevention methods. Developing our
understanding of both the proximate and distal causes of crime is essential
if we are to address crime prevention more effectively.
The writer breaks the topic (causes of
crime) into two distinct categories
(proximate and distal). Therefore, these are
the two aspects the report will cover.
Providing an outline of the topic means breaking it up into the aspects the
essay or report will cover.
Looking at a good introduction
Study this example of an essay introduction.
Text
Comments
The number of overweight and obese children in Australia continues to grow
at an alarming rate. More than a quarter of primary school children now carry
an unhealthy amount of excess weight. These children will, in most cases,
become overweight adults who go on to experience chronic health problems
associated with adult obesity.
1 Essay topic
Effective strategies are urgently needed to address this problem, including
changing eating habits and increasing physical activity at home, at school and
in the community generally.
3 Outline of what will be
covered in the essay
2 Importance of essay
topic
Activity 10: Write an introduction
Look at the first section of a report plan. Using the information given, write the
introduction for the report.
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Report plan
Report title
The decline of small towns in rural Australia
Introduction
many towns of 100 to 200 people quite stable but many
rural towns also suffering serious decline—concerns many
people
up to 60% of small towns are in decline
decline of small rural towns is a result of both economic
decline and decline in population
There is feedback for this activity at the end of this topic.
Vocabulary list
Add any new words you’ve learnt to the vocabulary list at the back of the
module.
Further information
If you want to find out more about writing introductions, you can go to:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html
You will find details on this source of further information in Additional
resources located at the back of this learning topic.
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Write clear and concise paragraphs
Once you have outlined the structure of your essay or report, and written an
introduction, the next step is to write your ideas out into body paragraphs
using clear and concise sentences.
Topic sentences and supporting
sentences
Look at the structure of a body paragraph of an essay or report.
Topic
sentence
A topic sentence tells the reader what the paragraph is about. It is usually
(but not always) the first sentence of the paragraph. Sometimes it is in the
middle of the paragraph or it can also be the last sentence of the paragraph.
Supporting
sentences
The supporting information is given in supporting sentences that build on
the key point of the paragraph. Supporting sentences expand on the topic
sentence and should be organised in a logical order using a specific
organisational pattern.
Concluding
sentence
A concluding sentence rounds off the paragraph. Often the concluding
sentence also links the paragraph to the content of the next paragraph. Not
all paragraphs have a concluding sentence.
Organisation
There are many different organisational patterns that help us to organise
paragraphs in a logical order: Let’s have a look at some of them.
Chronological/time
order
the details are presented in the order in which they happened
Statement support
the main idea is given and the rest of the paragraph explains or
proves it
Comparison—
contrast
the similarities or differences of two or more actions, ideas, or
events are discussed
Classification
the topic is divided into parts on the basis of things they have in
common
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Cause and effect
details are given to explain how two or more events are related or
connected
Definition
the definition and explanation of a term which may not be
understood by the reader are given
Description
a list of descriptive facts or characteristics of an event, person,
object, idea, or theory are give, arranged in some order
Activity 11: Organisational patterns
For each of the following paragraphs decide what the main organisational pattern is.
(Sometimes more than one organisational pattern is used in a paragraph.) Write your
answers in the table provided below.
1
The immune system is made up of various things. Firstly, there is the skin which acts as a boundary
for bacteria and viruses. Germs can easily enter the body through the nose, mouth and eyes. Tears
have an enzyme called lysozyme which helps break down the cell wall of many bacteria thereby
fighting off possible infection. In the mouth, saliva has anti-bacterial properties and the nasal passage
and lungs are covered in mucous which often traps germs which have not yet been killed. Germs can
only enter the body if they get past all these defences.
2
It is well documented that poverty, unemployment and income inequality all have the effect of
making certain areas prone to crime. Poverty and unemployment increase the risk of individuals
becoming involved in crime. High levels of income inequality, where there are big differences in the
amount of money one household has compared to another household in the same area, is another
cause of crime. These causes of crime are also linked to the fact that there tends to be more
opportunity and incentive for criminal activity in certain areas.
3
When June was 16 she married my grandfather, Peter. That year, their first born, Evelyn (my
mother) was born. After my mother was born, my grandmother had three more children—Alfie Rose
and Anna. Shortly after her 30th birthday, June became ill with TB and died. The year was 1925.
4
Soil salination is an important land degradation problem. It is the excess accumulation of free salts in
the soil which leads to the degradation of soils and vegetation. Soil salinity makes it more difficult
for plants to absorb soil moisture. In some areas of Australia this salinity is an inherent (natural)
process. However, human practices such as groundwater processes and irrigation, have increased soil
salinity.
5
Hip hop music and rap music are sometimes mistakenly thought to be one and the same thing.
However, hip hop music, which lies at the heart of hip hop culture, is characterised by its focus on
rhythm and usually contains rapping. This explains why hip hop music is often referred to as ‘rap’
despite the fact that not all hip hop music includes rap.
28
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6.
John and Jill are both in their mid-twenties. John has a full-time job as a fire fighter and Jill works
part-time at a newsagency. They have two children aged 2 and 4. At home, Jill’s domestic
responsibilities include grocery shopping, meal preparation, doing the laundry and cleaning the
home. John takes care of the outside area. He takes responsibility for putting out the bins once a
week and for mowing the lawn. On weekends when he is not working, he helps Jill with the cooking
and taking care of the children.
7
Changes in lifestyle in the last twenty years which have lead to changes in levels of physical activity
amongst children, has resulted in a dramatic increase in the incidence of childhood obesity.
Television and video viewing, and the use of computer games, has replaced physical activity. Obese
children have a 25 to 50 percent chance of becoming obese adults with high levels of ill health and a
higher risk of early death. Therefore, it is crucial that children maintain a healthy weight by being
physically active every day. At school, children should engage in active play such as swimming and
ball sports. At home, everyone can benefit from family activities that involve physical activity.
Children should be encouraged to spend less time watching television and playing video and
computer games. An easy way to encourage physical activity is to get children to walk to school, to
the bus stop or to the shops if appropriate. To address the problem of childhood obesity,
opportunities for regular exercise at school and at home need to be fun, convenient and affordable.
Write your answers in the table. The first one has been done as an example.
Organisational pattern
Paragraph number
Chronological/time order
3
Statement support
Comparison—contrast
Classification
Cause and effect
Definition
Description
Compare your answers to the ones below.
Organisational pattern
Paragraph number
Chronological/time order
3
Statement support
7
Comparison—Contrast
5
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Classification
1
Cause and effect
2
Definition
4
Description
6
Did you spot the organisational patterns correctly? If necessary, go back to
the paragraphs and look for clues to their main organisational pattern.
Good paragraphs
Paragraphs which are clear and concise should have:
a topic sentence which is clear and relevant to the essay or report
topic
facts and examples in the supporting sentences which build on the
topic sentence of the paragraph
enough information in the supporting sentences to build on the
topic sentence
supporting sentences written in a logical order
sentences which flow smoothly from one to the next
a concluding sentence which rounds off the paragraph.
Linking ideas together
Each sentence in a paragraph should follow smoothly from the preceding
sentence, and each paragraph should follow smoothly from the preceding
paragraph. A smooth flow of ideas is achieved by linking ideas together.
Study this example paragraph from a report on childhood obesity given
below.
This is an outline of one of the body paragraphs from the report plan.
Paragraph 2
What has impacted negatively on levels of physical activity amongst children
Why we need to increase children’s levels of physical activity
How this can be done at school
How this can be done at home
Here is the paragraph.
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Paragraph
Comment
1 Changes in lifestyle in the last twenty years which
have lead to changes in levels of physical activity
amongst children, has resulted in a dramatic increase in
the incidence of childhood obesity. 2 Television and
video viewing, and the use of computer games, has
replaced physical activity. 3 Obese children have a 25
to 50 percent chance of becoming obese adults with
high levels of ill health and a higher risk of early death.
4 Therefore, it is crucial that children maintain a
healthy weight by being physically active every day.
5 At school, they should engage in active play such as
swimming and ball sports. 6 At home, everyone can
benefit from family activities that involve physical
activity. 7 Children should be encouraged to spend less
time watching television and playing video and
computer games. 8 An easy way to encourage physical
activity is to get children to walk to school, to the bus
stop or to the shops if appropriate. 9 To address the
problem of childhood obesity, opportunities for regular
exercise at school and at home need to be fun,
convenient and affordable.
1 Topic sentence relevant to essay or report
topic.
2 Repeating a noun (‘physical activity’) links
sentences together.
3 A fact that builds on topic sentence and
suggests writer’s position on the topic, that is,
concern.
4 The transitional word ‘therefore’ links this
sentence to previous sentence.
5 The pronoun ‘they’ (reference) replaces
‘children’, linking this sentence to the
previous one.
6
‘At home’ links this sentence to the previous
one where a similar structure, ‘at school’, is
used.
7 Repeating words and phrases (television,
video, computer games) links the sentence to
previous ones.
8 Repeating the word ‘encourage’ links the
sentence to the previous one.
9 Concluding sentence rounds off the paragraph; the
words ‘physical activity’ are substituted with
‘regular exercise’ to link sentences together
What organisational pattern is used in the paragraph above?
Did you work out that the organisational pattern is ‘Statement support’?
The main idea is given and all the supporting sentences explain or
prove the statement.
The supporting sentences build on the topic in a logical order and
flow smoothly from one to the next.
Linking between and within paragraphs
Linking ideas together in your writing helps the reader to follow your
thoughts. If ideas are not linked, the reader will end up losing the point
you’re making.
To link ideas across and within paragraphs we use discourse markers or
rephrase previous ideas. Discourse markers and rephrasing are used to
connect old ideas to new ones. They help prepare the reader for what will
follow in the text and they ensure sentences flow smoothly.
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The following are some techniques used to link ideas:
Linking technique
Example
Transitional words and
phrases
Obese children have a 25 to 50 per cent chance of becoming obese
adults with high levels of ill health and a higher risk of early death.
Therefore, it is crucial that children maintain a healthy weight by
being physically active every day.
Pronoun reference
Therefore, it is crucial that children maintain a healthy weight by
being physically active every day. At school, they should engage in
active play such as swimming and ball sports.
Substituting one word or
phrase with another
word or phrase with a
similar meaning
An easy way to encourage physical activity is to get children to
walk to school, to the bus stop or to the shops if appropriate. To
address the problem of childhood obesity, opportunities for regular
exercise at school and at home need to be fun, convenient and
affordable.
Repeating words and
phrases
Children should be encouraged to spend less time watching
television and playing video and computer games. An easy way to
encourage physical activity is to get children to walk to school, to
the bus stop or to the shops if appropriate.
Here are some additional words and phrases you can use for transitions.
Purpose of
transition
Transition words or phrases
To add
information
And
Furthermore
In addition
Moreover
Also (not used at the beginning of a sentence)
To introduce
an opposite
idea
To compare
information
To give a
reason for or
cause of
something
Although
Yet
Whereas
However
While
On the other hand
But
Nevertheless/Nonetheless
Similarly
Like
Likewise
Both…and ….
Just as
Not only …. but also
Neither…nor
Either…or
Since
Therefore
As
As a consequence
Due to
Consequently
As a result
Now go back to the paragraph on childhood obesity and look at how these
techniques were used in that paragraph.
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Activity 12
Here is the outline of another body paragraph from a plan for a report on childhood
obesity:
Unhealthy eating as another cause of childhood obesity
Why we need to change children’s eating habits
The problem with current eating patterns
How healthy eating can be encouraged at home
How healthy eating can be encouraged at school
How changing eating patterns will reduce rates of childhood obesity
Read the paragraph below and fill in the gaps with an appropriate word from the table to
link the sentences together. Use each word or phrase once only:
addition
school
unhealthy eating
Furthermore
second
Unhealthy
above
healthy
another
children
home
Therefore
they
Food
childhood obesity
Apart from lack of physical activity discussed (1)_______________, a
(2)_______________ significant cause of childhood obesity is unhealthy eating.
Combined with lack of exercise, (3)_______________ _______________can lead to
obesity, a serious medical condition associated with several debilitating and lifethreatening conditions. Increased access to food and consumption of high fat foods,
both at home and at school, are among the foremost causes of (4) ______________
_______________. At (5)_______________ children should be given healthy options
such as fresh fruit and vegetables, instead of snacks high in fat and sugar, and low in
essential nutrients. In (6) _______________, (7)_______________ should be
encouraged to drink water instead of soft drinks. (8)_______________ should not be
offered as a reward, or withheld as a punishment. Eating home-cooked meals together
as a family as often as possible is (9)_______________ important way to control food
intake. (10)_______________, children should be discouraged from eating meals or
snacks while watching television. Before the start of the school day,
(11)_______________ should be encouraged to eat a healthy breakfast. At
(12)_______________, children should be given a choice of nutritious foods in
tuckshops. (13)_______________ eating patterns have lead to a childhood obesity
epidemic. (14)_______________,
(15) _______________ eating is one of the most effective ways to control obesity.
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You will find feedback for this activity at the end of this topic.
Vocabulary list
Add any new words you’ve learnt to the vocabulary list at the back of the
module.
Further information
If you want to find out more about paragraphs, go to:
http://www.une.edu.au/tlc/aso/pdf/p-.pdf
You will find the details of these sources of further information in additional
resources located at the back of this learning topic.
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Writing your conclusion
Think about what a conclusion does.
Activity 13: What does a conclusion do?
Write your own ideas in the blank space in the right hand column below. Compare your
answer to the one given on the next page:
Introduction
States the topic of the essay or report
Briefly explains the background or importance of the topic
Gives the writer’s point of view on the essay or report topic
Gives a brief outline of what will be covered in the essay or report
Body
Each main point outlined in the introduction is discussed in a separate paragraph.
Each paragraph consists of:
a topic sentence to introduce the main point
supporting sentences made up of sub-points, explanations and examples
expanding on the main point
a concluding sentence recapping the main point of the paragraph.
Conclusion
Write your answer here.
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Did your answer include any of the following ideas?
A conclusion is the final paragraph of the essay or report. It rounds off the
essay or report. It should always:
restate the topic of the essay or report in a different way (using
different words)
briefly restate the writer’s point of view on the essay or report topic
(using different words)
make a final comment or recommendation on the essay or report
topic.
What makes a good conclusion?
Read the dos and don’ts of good conclusions in the table below.
Dos
Don’t s
Be consistent with your introduction
Do not simply repeat points from other parts
of the essay or report as this reduces the
impact of what you have written
Repeat the topic in different words
Repeat your position on the topic in
different words
Restate the key points from the body of the
essay or report very briefly, in different
words
Do not introduce any new information or
ideas on the topic
Do not have a conclusion that has only one
sentence as this is unlikely to round off the
essay or report effectively
Make a final comment on the topic
Make a recommendation on the topic (for a
report)
Round off the essay or report
Activity 14: Select a good conclusion
Decide which of the following paragraphs would be a suitable conclusion for a report on
childhood obesity.
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Conclusion
Tick the
best one
1
Parents and teachers should help children to be more active and they should teach them
to eat healthily otherwise children will become obese adults.
2
Increases in obesity rates among Australian children could impact negatively on the
many positive health gains made in recent years. A healthy weight can be maintained
by encouraging children to balance the amount of food they eat and their level of
physical activity. The child’s weight should not be the focus for parents and teachers.
Overweight and obese children should not be made to feel different. They need love,
support, acceptance and encouragement. The focus, therefore, needs to be on gradually
changing the whole family’s eating habits and levels of physical activity.
3
Increased rates of childhood obesity in Australia are a result of changes to levels of
physical activity and changes to eating patterns. From 1985 to 1995 the level of obesity
tripled in all age groups. A recent study showed that 40% of children aged 5-12 years
watch on average two hours or more of television or videos. Children need to learn to
balance what they eat with how much exercise they do if they are to become healthy
adults.
If you chose the second conclusion you did well!
The first conclusion consists of only one sentence. It does not repeat (in
different words) the topic and the writer’s position on the topic, and no
recommendations are made. It does not effectively round off the report.
Although the third conclusion repeats the topic, it goes on to introduce new
ideas (the statistics). The topic sentence works well and the concluding
sentence rounds off the report quite effectively but the supporting sentences
are inappropriate for a conclusion.
Let’s look at why this is a good conclusion:
Text
Comments
1 Increases in obesity rates among Australian children
could impact negatively on the many positive health
gains made in recent years. 2 A healthy weight can be
maintained by encouraging children to balance the
amount of food they eat and their level of physical
activity. 3 Overweight and obese children need love,
support, acceptance and encouragement. 4 The focus
for parents and teachers should not be on the child’s
weight but rather on gradually changing the whole
family’s eating habits and level of physical activity.
1 Topic is repeated (using different words);
writer’s view on the topic is restated (using
different words)
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2 The key points from body of the essay or
report are very briefly restated or
summarised (using different words)
3 A final comment on the topic is made
4 A recommendation is given (for a report)
and the essay or report is rounded off.
37
Activity 15: Write a conclusion
Look at the last section of a report plan. Using the information provided, write the
conclusion (including recommendations) for the report.
Report plan
Report title
The decline of small towns in rural Australia
Conclusion and
Recommendations
more than half of small towns in rural Australia in decline both in terms of their
economy and their population
several reasons for the problem of decline of small rural towns
main causes are depopulation and decline of local economy of these towns
people in these small towns experience many unmet needs
possible solutions to address problem include i) local leadership development ii)
small scale industrial development iii) local employment initiatives
You’ll find feedback for this activity at the end of this topic.
Further information
If you want to find out more about writing conclusions, you can go to:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/conclude.html
You will find the details of these sources of further information in additional
resources located at the back of this learning topic.
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Summary
I have learnt the following
After completing this learning topic I can:

understand and use appropriate language for audience

demonstrate my ability to write an introduction covering main areas

demonstrate my ability to write paragraphs that are clear, and detailed
where necessary

demonstrate my ability to write with cohesion between and within
paragraphs

demonstrate my ability to write a conclusion
If there are any skills that you feel you haven’t yet mastered, go back and
have a look at it again or go to the further information at the end of each
section.
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Glossary
Many of these words are specialised language terms; you may not need
them in everyday speech, but they have been placed here so you know what
they mean in this topic. Spaces have been included for you to add your own
words at the end.
Term
Definition
abbreviations
These are shortened forms of words, often used to save space, such
as Dr for doctor; n/a for not applicable.
active voice
‘The boy threw the ball’ uses the active voice, because the boy is
doing the action. Opposite to passive voice (see below).
audience
An audience is a group of people who participate in and experience
or encounter a work such as a play, film or book. Good speakers
and writers adapt their presentation to fit the audience. From the
Latin word for hear.
clause
A clause is a string of words containing a subject and a verb (as a
minimum), which may not make up a complete sentence, for
example, ‘The boy threw …’. This has a subject, boy, and a verb,
threw but is not complete. A complement or object may be added
such as ‘…through the fence.’ Because it has no verb, this is not a
clause (it’s called a phrase).
colloquial
belonging to conversation; language used in familiar, informal
contexts (see also vernacular). ‘Youse are all great.’
concise
expressing a great deal in few words
context
contractions
40
the circumstances and conditions which ‘surround’ an event. Words
can change their meaning, depending on their context. For example,
‘Always use boiling water’ on a tea bag doesn’t mean you should
use boiling water to brush your teeth!
a word formed from two or more words by omitting or combining
some sounds; ‘won’t’ is a contraction of ‘will not’; ‘o’clock’ is a
contraction of ‘of the clock’
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convention
An agreed-upon usage in a particular context. For example, ‘cool’
can mean cold or fashionable. Also means a larger gathering of
people.
discourse
More than one sentence of speech or writing;
discourse
marker
a word or phrase such as ‘however’, ‘nevertheless’, ‘well’ and ‘OK,
right!’, used to signal a pause or change of direction in
conversation.
emotive
Something which has emotion in it; the opposite of objective.
expand
enlarge, grow bigger; opposite of contract
impersonal
having no personal preference (an impersonal observer); not
relating to an individual. Opposite to personal.
indicate
Show, state
judgemental
depending on judgment; someone who judges others and finds them
wanting
logical order
An order which depends on logic, such as time, place, rather than
illogical ordering.
objective
Based on observation, not affected by personal opinion or emotion.
Similar to impersonal, opposite to subjective. Can also mean the
case after a verb (opposite to subjective case).
organisational
patterns
Patterns which depend on organisation such as time, place.
passive voice
People use this where they don’t want to emphasise, who performed
an action. ‘The ball was thrown by the boy.’ Opposite to active
voice
personal
pronoun
Pronoun standing in the place of a person: ‘He threw the ball, she
caught it. I watched them.’
phrase
a group of words without a proper verb, such as ‘through the fence’,
which cannot form a sentence on its own.
preceding
coming before
purpose
aim or goal (answers the question, ‘why’)
register
The language choices a speaker or writer makes to suit a particular
audience, setting or purpose. ‘Shut the door!’ may also be said as
‘Would you mind shutting the door, please?’
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relevance
How closely something fits what is needed; how applicable
information is to a particular need.
rephrase
express the same message in different words (also paraphrase)
résumé
This document may form part of a job application, listing your
education and work experience
rhetorical
question
A question to which the speaker does not expect an answer (or is
going to give their own answer): ‘Are we all idiots?’
subjective
The case before a verb (opposite to objective); can also mean
influenced by personal opinion.
unsubstantiated
Not supported by facts (opposite to substantiated where the writer
uses facts to support an argument)
verb
A word that indicates an action (‘throw’) or a relationship (‘is’);
sometimes referred to as a ‘being, doing or having’ word.
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Additional resources
Internet
Building sentences
http://www.shared-visions.com/explore/english/sentence.html gives a short
summary of different types of sentences with no exercises at quite a high
level, while
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/ks3bitesize/english/writing/sentences1_intro.s
html is a UK site for primary school children. It does give some test items,
but doesn’t score them too well!
Paragraphs
http://www.une.edu.au/tlc/aso/pdf/p-.pdf provides information about how
paragraphs are structured. It then suggests a way of building your piece of
writing according to the structure of the paragraphs. It’s written in easy-toread English and provides practical steps.
Writing introductions and conclusions
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html tells you about three
different ways of writing introductions.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/conclude.html from the same website
tells you about how to write conclusions, while
http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/conclude.html has more
explanation in.
Books
All libraries have books on writing. You might also find shorter summaries
in bookshops that sell texts for HSC students.
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Suggested answers to activities
Activity 3
1
Hip Hop and Rap are often mistaken to be the same thing but they
aren’t.

Contraction
Hip Hop and Rap are often mistaken to be the same thing but they are
not.
2
The lack of childcare facilities in urban areas.

Fragment
There is a lack of childcare facilities in urban areas. (or Urban areas
lack childcare facilities.)
3
Salinity a problem that affects many regions of Australia is one which
raises many questions regarding farming practices.
Punctuation

Salinity, a problem that affects many regions of Australia, is one which
raises many questions regarding farming practices.
4
The absence of healthy food in school tuckshops shows an appalling
lack of disregard on the part of school authorities for the problem of
childhood obesity.
Emotive words

The absence of healthy food in school tuckshops shows a lack of
disregard on the part of school authorities for the problem of childhood
obesity.
5
Women are still responsible for the greater share of domestic duties,
including grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry, cleaning etc.
Unnecessary expression

Women are still responsible for the greater share of domestic duties,
including grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry and cleaning.
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6
I strongly agree that poverty and unemployment are the major
contributing factors to the increase of crime rates in the area.
Judgemental language

Use of personal pronouns

Poverty and unemployment are the major contributing factors to the
increase of crime rates in the area.
7
The high staff turnover in childcare facilities is of great concern to me.

Use of personal pronouns
The high staff turnover in childcare facilities is of great concern.
8
When infection occurs, the immune system will attempt to fix things
up.

Colloquial expression
When infection occurs, the immune system will attempt to combat it.
9
Farmers need to change their irrigation practices.
Inappropriate use of active voice

Irrigation practices need to be changed.
10 How can parents encourage children to be more physically active? They
can do so by suggesting they walk to school or to the bus stop.
Rhetorical question

Parents can encourage children to be more physically active by
suggesting they walk to school or to the bus stop.
Activity 10
The decline of small towns in rural parts of Australia is an issue that
concerns many people. Although there are a number of small towns with
populations of 100 to 200 people which are in fact quite stable, there are
many more rural towns suffering serious decline. Recent statistics indicate
that up to 60% of small towns are in decline. There are several reasons for
both the economic decline and the decline in population in rural towns
throughout Australia.
Activity 12
Apart from lack of physical activity discussed (1) above, a (2) second
significant cause of childhood obesity is unhealthy eating. Combined with
0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006
45
lack of exercise, (3) unhealthy eating can lead to obesity, a serious medical
condition associated with several debilitating and life-threatening
conditions. Increased access to food and consumption of high fat foods, both
at home and at school, are among the foremost causes of (4) childhood
obesity. At (5) home children should be given healthy options such as fresh
fruit and vegetables, instead of snacks high in fat and sugar, and low in
essential nutrients. In (6) addition, (7) they/children should be encouraged
to drink water instead of soft drinks. (8) Food should not be offered as a
reward, or withheld as a punishment. Eating home-cooked meals together as
a family as often as possible is (9) another/an important way to control
food intake. (10) Furthermore/Moreover, children should be discouraged
from eating meals or snacks while watching television. Before the start of
the school day, (11) children/they should be encouraged to eat a healthy
breakfast. At (12) school, children should be given a choice of nutritious
foods in tuckshops. (13) Unhealthy eating patterns have lead to a childhood
obesity epidemic. (14) Therefore/for these reasons, (15) healthy eating is
one of the most effective ways to control obesity.
Activity 15
More than half of all small towns in rural Australia are in decline both in
terms of their economy and their population. There are several reasons for
this problem. The main causes are depopulation and the decline of their
local economies. As a result, the people who remain in these towns
experience a great deal of unmet needs. Firstly, the development of local
leadership, secondly, the development of small scale industry and thirdly,
the development of local employment initiatives in small rural towns, are
just a few ways in which this problem can start to be addressed.
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0067D: 2 Writing in study contexts
2501 ©CLI DET NSW 2006